Sisters At War But Is It Mom's Fault? | KARAMO

Karamo, I'm stuck in the middle of my feuding sisters, and it has been this way for as long as I can remember. The last time we were all in the same room was 4 years ago, but we all live in the same area. I'm tired of seeing everybody else having these perfect families, and mine can't even get it together. When my younger sister LaDonna asked me to come on the show, I thought she wanted to work on our relationship. LaDonna and I have had 2 fights in the last year. In the past, but LaDonna and Tonya have never seen eye to eye. They always put me in the middle of it. Karamo, I need your help unlocking the root of the problem when it comes to my two sisters. It feels like it's always turned back on me. I've been called names, and I'm tired of being walked all over. We don't have any family trips, no holidays together. On my mom's birthday last year, Tonya kicked my mom and I out of her house. I'm about to be 50 years old and I'm getting too old for all this nonsense. Our mom is getting older too and I feel like we need to come together before it's too late. Karamo, will you please help us fix this?

Well, listen, I'm certainly gonna try. You know, LaDonna wrote into the show and I was about to bring her out, but first their mother Alice is also here in the audience. So I wanna talk to you really quickly. Alice, how are you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

Good, you look beautiful by the way.

Thank you.

I'm coming to you first because I can only imagine what this is like for you. This broke my heart.

It's awful.

Yeah.

Yeah, all the drama, unnecessary drama. Yeah. And it's causing me a lot of heart pain in my heart. And I'm not young anymore. I am, but I'm not.

I get it.

But I don't claim being old. But anyway, I love my girls, but they just can't get along. Connie's more like me. You know, we have a problem. Well, we don't at first. Fuse to the fire. We just kind of back off and be quiet. But it still hurt each of us in our hearts.

So what's your relationship like with each of your daughters?

Well, with LaDonna, which we call Peach, we had a very good relationship until I moved in with her, and then our relationship started drifting apart. But with Tonya, it's been very difficult with me with her.

I watch your show all the time and you were helping some other sisters and I thought, well, this would be a great opportunity for me and my sisters to go on there on your show because I would love to travel with my sisters. I would love to spend lots of time with my sisters, but it's usually one with the other, not all of us three together.

So you said to my producer, you think this all comes down to jealousy. On Tonya's jealousy?

It could be a great possibility of jealousy.

Okay, why do you think Tonya's jealous of you?

I feel like, number one, the relationship that I've had with my mother. She's the oldest and she has never, as long as I can recall, have ever had a relationship with my mother. And so my mother and I, we have done so much together. Trips, we go shopping, we eat, Everything that I do usually with my children, and sometimes I do things with her without my children.

So you have the best relationship with your mom?

Well, I have had the best relationship with my mother, yes. And I have done the most for my mother, and Tonya is just not there.

You and your older sister Tonya have not seen each other in 4 years, correct?

Correct.

Okay, but you live 20 minutes apart from each other?

Correct.

Okay, how are you feeling right now, the fact that I'm gonna bring her out?

I mean, that's what we're here for, to bring her out, yes.

You got it, okay then. So why do you think she thinks she's better than you?

Thank you. I wanna know.

'Cause she have a house and a car.

'Cause she says those things.

That's what she said. No, I don't say those things. It's not better than me. I never say those things.

Can you tell? Can y'all tell?

What happened when Ladonna was 18 and you fought physically?

I had an 8-month-old baby in a high chair. I cooked at my house and invited my family to come to my house. She came and was acting a fool.

No, I wasn't.

She knocked my baby outta her high chair. And I got upset and she said, "Oh, so what if she got hurt or not?" Pissed me off, so I choked her.

You didn't choke me. And you see the mother is laughing because she thinks that's funny.

I don't remember all that.

I do remember about the choking, that's why I laughed. But the thing about it was so much drama.

And then my mother's family came to tell me. Her, and I shut the door, and then my mama fell on the floor and started playing like she was having a heart attack to stop it.

I, I wasn't playing like it, girl.

You didn't have a heart attack?

No, I passed out because y'all had too much going on for me.

And it's sad.

You think your mom likes the drama?

Yes, do you feel that way?

She feeds off of it sometimes.

Yeah, she feeds off of it.

I think the reason why she don't like me, she said because of something I said to my mom when she was younger.

Is that true?

She was very disrespectful to my mother.

No, I was not.

Yes.

I was not.

You were more disrespectful to my mother.

So your mom said something to you, I mean, Tonya said something to your mom when she was younger that you heard about?

Well, I was standing there listening to it.

She was 3 or 4 years old.

I was not 3 or 4. I was, no, I was older. How old was she when she disrespected my mother? I was probably about 10 or 15 years old when she disrespected my mother.

Tonya, can you describe your relationship with your mom?

It's very iffy.

Iffy in what ways?

I feel like my mom makes difference and she upholds them compared to me.

Okay.

And I've always felt like I was the outsider and I wasn't good enough.

Self on the outside.

Mama, you denied me when I got pregnant.

Didn't you have?

'Cause I didn't go to college when I was 20.

Oh girl, please. She's lying.

I put that on God.

Well, you gonna have to repent. You heard me, Mom.

You've always—

You gonna have to repent.

I told you to stop. I ain't gotta repent.

Don't start that drama, baby.

It's real.

She is.

I'm not fake. I don't need no fakeness, 'cause I feel like you the reason why we don't get along.

I agree. What you mean? Kanye come out—

It's two of us.

We agree.

Kanye come out and straighten all this out.

Y'all don't get along because you two peas in a pod.

No, 'cause of you.

Hey mama, I'll go all out my way for her birthday and spend expensive gifts. But what that had to do with this? And to try to show her that I love her. I know you did, but what that got to do with me making this decision?

I feel like she got close to y'all.

You gonna like her.

I agree with you, son.

But you gonna be mad at me, mad at her for being close to me. Oh girl, where you get that at? That's how I feel. I'm telling you.

Well, don't feel.

Tell the truth.

I'm telling the truth, mama.

Well, Connie will come out straighten that out with you.

Connie is gonna go along with you 'cause she's trying to be your friend. She don't want you mad at her.

Well, you brought up Connie. I wanna hear what Connie has to say about all this.

Yeah, bring Connie out.

Yeah, bring her out.

'Cause she's still stuck in the middle of all this. So everyone, please welcome Connie to the show.

Yeah, it's Mama.

Yeah, I think you don't like me because you scared of Mama.

It's Mama.

Hi Connie, nice to meet you. Connie, so please tell me, how do you feel about what you just heard so far?

Karamo, my family is a mess. Mama, let me talk. And I do feel like I'm stuck. And I'm always telling them, you know, this is your mama, this is your sister. You shouldn't do this. You should overlook this, overlook that. And I'm always—

What is it that you want to do?

I overlook it all the time. No, sister, you talk about everybody all the time. I want us to be together. I mean, I do. If Peach made me mad, yeah. You my sister. If you make me mad, I talk just like how Mama do.

That make me feel like I shouldn't trust you, 'cause if you doing all that to them—

You tellin' me you don't go to your kids or you don't go to Mama and talk about nothin' like that? Yes, I go to my kids.

Okay, well, that's who all I have. I go to Mama, I go to Peaches, I go to his.

Your daughters only have this bad relationship because of you.

Well, maybe so, but I don't see it.

Well, I'm gonna try to paint a picture for you.

Okay, okay.

I feel sad for you all that you don't have the relationship that you could be having. Correct. And these girls need you to heal their pain so that they stop fighting.

Yeah, yeah.

Connie, I saw when I just said that, you started crying immediately. What's the pain you feeling that your mother needs to heal?

I do feel like my mama's just, I just don't want my mama to be mad at me. I don't want no girl to be mad at me.

Oh, girl, please.

Mama, stop!

I just cannot, I'm not her friend. She told me to tell the truth and that's what I was doing. Now she don't want me to tell the truth.

She don't remember her child. She blocked out her whole child.

She blocked it out.

No, she have not.

Yes, she have, Mama.

She has no sympathy, no love for us, no remorse. She is just terrible.

You are terrible.

If we go to you, Mama, you tell her get over it.

Yeah.

Oh my God, when I tell you that I told you my child had been molested You said, "Get over it." I don't know what you've been ringing, but as a friend—

Alice, are you ready to take a kid back to the house?

Whatever I need to do to heal.

What do you need from her?

Yeah, what do you need?

I just need you to—

To be a more loving, caring, compassionate mother like everybody else.

Okay, so when did you not get the loving, caring, compassion?

Never.

Oh, you ought to stop. Never. You didn't?

Never.

Well, what do you say? I treated her better than y'all?

Yeah, speak up.

Buy stuff for us. Now that what you did, you did make sure we had material.

That's what I said, she bought. That's the only way she said that she loved us is by buying stuff.

I might not said I love you. Still don't. Well, when I say I love you, what else would I supposed to add to it?

Uh, be more compassionate, loving, caring.

Do you know how to be compassionate?

She does.

Yes, she does it. No, she doesn't. I love you. I don't.

Girl.

I hug you and you run.

And you come up on me all the time. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. You ought to be ashamed. What it is, you're not hearing the right story.

Yeah.

Oh my gosh. 'Cause what it is, this is drama for your show.

No, it's not, Mama.

It's not.

And her is the truth. I am her. I always have been her.

Tanya.

So this is what I'm gonna do. So this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take a moment and I'm going to have Connie sit back down.

Okay.

And what I'm gonna do is actually have I'm gonna have you step backstage and I'm gonna come back and talk to you in a little bit. Is that okay?

Okay, good.

So that way we can talk to you a little bit here. Let me help you up.

Okay.

Yes. I'm gonna come back there in a little bit.

Okay, all right.

'Cause she mean and old, she set in her ways.

Yeah, but that's no excuse.

It's no excuse.

That's something that we constantly use, especially I hear it in the Black community all the time. Well, they set in their ways, so that means, and I don't believe that. Everyone, if you still got breath in you, you still have the ability to grow.

To change, yes.

That's what this whole show's about, talking and growing. So I know for a fact that it don't matter if you 10 or 110, you can still grow. Mm-hmm.

Yes.

So I do agree violence is not the answer. I do agree. I do agree with that. But I will also tell you that I watch right now what happened is that because of what she's done for so many years, y'all fall back in that pattern quickly. She made a comment of how she's gonna protect herself.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. This is what we do as children of abuse. And your immediate response was, well, if you do something, I'm gonna attack you. Because she's taught y'all how to pit yourselves against each other. Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

I watched it right now. Mm-hmm. So there's this deep empathy and pain and love y'all have for each other where it's like, I'm so sorry you went through this. I'm so sorry you went through it. But at the same rate, she's conditioned y'all for so long that if someone's about to challenge her, one of y'all better come to my defense if you want my love. Mm-hmm. One of y'all better come to my defense if you want my love because at the end of the day, Y'all are still all little girls that are searching for her love.

Yes.

So what y'all have to do, this first step I can give y'all to break this pattern, is that when she does something to one of y'all, y'all can't fall for the patterns and the tricks she's had before.

Yes.

You can't then say, oh well, if you do something, I'm gonna attack you.

I apologize.

Ooh, that was a big step. I ain't have to say it. Did you hear what your sister just said? She apologizes. I love you. Now y'all gotta apologize to Karamo. Connie too. And lemme tell y'all why. Because Connie, y'all have, because she doesn't handle situations like y'all, y'all made her feel less than too.

You're getting the better of us.

Connie, I wanna let you know something. The fact that you haven't always spoken up doesn't mean that you're weak.

No.

I need you to hear that. Doesn't mean you weak, doesn't mean you flip-flopping, doesn't mean you a punk, any of those things they were saying before. Because the language they were using before is the language they got from their mother. The second part of this is that once y'all realize that's not you talking, that's mama talking, can y'all do that for me? Can you commit to doing that? If you hear your sister say something that makes you feel hurt, can instead of saying, you know what, let me lash out on you, say, that's not you talking, that's the pain that mama put on all of us talking. Can y'all commit to saying that?

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. 'Cause that is going to help your relationship. So when she says something that come out aggressive, that's not her talking. That's mama. That's the pain. That's mama talking. That's coming out. That's the years of her training you all to be this way. When she gets aggressive and her short fuse, what that is is that's her trying to defend that little girl who's trying to fight against what her mama's taught her to say. Same with you. It's all of y'all are just doing that. So once y'all can start committing to doing that, and y'all said y'all commit to doing that, the second thing is stop trying to pressure her to do something. The minute y'all, whatever y'all need her to do, y'all need to turn to each other and say, can you turn to me and love me? Can you turn to me and tell me that I'm good? Can you come and gimme the support? Everything y'all need from her, y'all gotta figure out how to get from each other now.

[Speaker] Right.

[Speaker] Okay.

[Speaker] And I believe y'all can be better. And if something go wrong, I'm gonna give y'all my number. Y'all got me, okay?

Okay.

I'm gonna be there for y'all, all right? Good luck, all right? Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.