In this episode of the KARAMO show, host Karamo sits down with new mother Kina, who gave birth four months ago and was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), and her boyfriend CJ. The conversation reveals the strain on their relationship as Kina struggles to balance newborn care with her chronic illness, while CJ works long 10‑hour shifts. Kina feels she is shouldering the majority of childcare, household chores, and financial responsibilities, and perceives CJ’s help as inconsistent and often motivated by his own convenience. CJ argues that he contributes both financially and by attempting to give Kina rest, but he feels his efforts go unnoticed. Karamo highlights the communication gaps—Kina’s need for concrete, physical assistance versus CJ’s belief that his presence is enough—and urges CJ to step up as an equal partner. The episode underscores the challenges faced by couples navigating postpartum life compounded by chronic illness, emphasizing the importance of clear expectations, equitable division of labor, and emotional support.
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My next guest, Kina, had her first baby just 4 months ago. And although Kina welcomed a beautiful baby, she now feels like her relationship with her boyfriend CJ is falling apart. This busy mother took time out of her schedule to come here to ask me for my help. So let's go ahead and welcome Kina to the stage. Hi, Kina. You look super cute.
Thank you.
That hair is laid.
Thank you.
Work, okay. My hair is laid. So Kina.
Yes.
When did you have your baby?
4 months ago.
How's it been being a new mother for you?
It's been great. Like, I love my baby. I would just say—
That baby is adorable.
Thank you.
That look like a Gerber ad right there.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Are you still working?
I'm not working right now. I'm just an at-home mom. I've been that way since I found out I had my critical illness.
Can you tell me what the illness was?
MS, multiple sclerosis.
Okay, so you were diagnosed.
Uh-huh.
Okay. Being a new mother brings its own stresses. And also finding out that you have MS brings its own stress. How have you been able to balance the two and how has it been affecting your life and just your relationship?
I kind of like try to block everything out and like try to focus on the baby. So I basically put everything aside that I need to do.
Does CJ help out?
At first he helped out, I would say, like the, you know, the, like after you have the baby, like I really can't move, like he helped out then. But as soon as like I got on my feet again, like I feel like everything went downhill. But he does work.
Does he help out financially?
Yes, at first we were splitting everything till like last month I told him like, I feel like I'm doing more, so I feel like, I mean, can you start paying the rent? But he's more of a person that says like, okay, but he does it when he feels like doing it. So I feel like when a baby is here, you can do it when you feel like doing it.
Yes, okay. Do you put your foot down completely with him? Yes.
And what happens? He gets angry.
And how long have y'all been together?
Like 6 years.
All right, listen, we are ready to go ahead and meet CJ because it looks like y'all start off in a really good place. And I wanna get his side of the story. Everyone please welcome CJ to the show. Hey CJ, how you doing? It's not bad, how about yourself? I'm good, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. All right, so, I'm gonna get right into it. Do you recognize that Kenya needs help?
I think that the stuff that I do, it goes unnoticed a lot. I think that I do way more than anybody else that I know in this position would do.
I don't think so.
What do you try to help her with?
For my day job, I'm working 10-hour shifts. So for me, I get home, the first thing I want to do is relax a little bit, maybe unwind. And I just say forget that 'cause I know I have a kid.
Kena, you're crying. What's going on right now? What are you experiencing?
I just feel like it's a lot. It's hard to like get him to understand or like even come up with the words to tell him how I feel.
It's kind of hard to me just hearing all of this and then knowing that, just knowing the work that I put in and just seeing all of this.
So give me the to-do list that you said the work that you put in because you're saying like, oh, she's saying I don't do enough. You're saying I do do enough. So this is what your lady is doing. 12:00 AM, feed the baby. 4:00 AM, feed the baby. 6:00 AM, feed the baby. 9:00 AM, feed the baby and play. 9:30, wake up CJ up for work. So she even has you on her list. 10:00 AM to 8:00 PM, baby duties and chores. 8:00 PM, feed the baby. 8:30, play with the baby until CJ gets home. 10:30, make dinner for the baby. This is from what you said. 9:30 AM, you wake up for work. 10:00 AM, work starts, usually late. 7:00 PM, work ends. 8:30, shower after work. 9 to 10, take over baby duties. So from your, this is yours, this is what you said. You only said from 9 to 10 you taking over baby duties.
No, from 9 to 10, I'm trying to give her a nap and give her rest. But that doesn't mean at 10 o'clock I'm saying, oh no, my daddy duty shifts is over, let me go do my business. Like, no.
Is that what happens at 10 o'clock? He still continues on?
It's different, different days. But those other days he is, like he's helping.
I gotta just be real with y'all. You have a young mother here who first of all went through, just found out that she's diagnosed with MS. There comes with complications, problems with that. And what I know to be true is that when women have babies, they have to mature and get into a new state of mind that men, we just don't understand. I do believe in your mind you're thinking, look, I'm here, I'm here, I'm physically here. I'm showing you like I might not be doing all the dishes, I might not be cleaning because I got off of work, but I'm here. But she's not telling you that she needs you just to be there physically. She's telling you they need you to actually physically do things for her.
I still, I really just feel like the work that I'm doing is like the things that I do.
This is where the communication issue's gonna always be. And I see it every time we say, yes, I acknowledge I could be doing more. And then you put that but in there. That but negates everything you just said because you're still defending your actions in your mind.
This is how it is. Some days he'll be like, I got the 4:30 feeding. And then I'm waking up at 3:30 with the baby crying. So I'm waking you up like, he's up, he's up. And you like, okay. And then put the COVID on, turn the other way. And I could have been back to sleep if I would have just did it. But I try to have him do it so he can take account of it by himself.
I mean, if you could have just did it, then you could have just did it. And it shouldn't have been a thing. Yeah.
Nah.
Nah, I'm with them. You can't say that.
If she going to complain about how I get it done, then you could have just done it your own way.
But the problem is that she's always just getting it done.
And that gives you a pass to feel I don't take anything away from her getting it done. Like that's never been the thing with me.
She had to evolve, she had to grow up fast, she had to mature quickly. It's time for you to do that. I believe you could be the father you want to be and I believe you could be the father that she's asking you to be. Just know that she wants to support you, but she needs you to equally support her. But just know that you can be better, all right?
I love you and I really would commit to doing more just because I want to be a better father.
All right everyone, stay with us. We'll be right back with more. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.
