Stop Disappearing In The Middle Of The Night! | KARAMO

Welcome to the show, friends. So my guest Renee says she swore off men 10 years ago after being cheated on repeatedly, but her family convinced her to join a dating site where she met her fiancé Picard. She said he was everything she wanted in a man until he got a second chance at fame in the music industry. Now Renee says he ignores her phone calls, blocked her on social media, and disappears for days. Days at a time. She wants my help to unlock his phone and to determine if wedding bells are in their future or if it's time to say goodbye. Help me welcome Renee to the show. Hi.

Hi.

How are you doing today? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So please tell me, how did you meet Picard?

Well, it was 10 years ago. I was totally done with men, and the reason why is because of past relationships that didn't go good. But my family members convinced me to get on this website, and when I got the message from Picard, it caught my eye, and everything seemed good in the beginning. But now, you know, ever since he's been back into this music thing, he's hiding a lot.

Got it.

And I need some answers. I need to know the reason why he's doing what he's doing.

Understandable. So you broke up a year after you met him. What happened at that point?

Well, we had a little incident that we had, you know, went through and we took a little break.

What happened there?

The communication wasn't working out, so we took a step back, but we still remained friends.

Mm-hmm. And was that your decision?

It was both of our decisions.

Okay. And what made you get back together with him after that year?

Because he promised me that if I took him back, that things would be a lot better. I would never have to worry about him cheating on me, talking to anybody, or having any insecurities.

Mm-hmm. During that year when y'all broke up, or when you were about to break up in that first year, did you see some of your insecurities coming back?

No.

Nothing? So it was just communication?

Yes.

So why would he make a promise of saying that I won't cheat on you and those things?

Because I was accusing him during that time of cheating on me because of the way we was having miscommunications.

Got it. Understandable. So how has your relationship been since you got back together?

In the beginning, everything was fine. He would always answer me and reassure me that it wasn't what I thought. But recently he hasn't had any answers from me. He's becoming very manipulative. He tries to make me think that I'm crazy. He tells me that he loves me, but I need him to prove it to me.

Got it. And how long have you been engaged?

We've been engaged for about 6 years now.

And do you have a wedding date?

No.

No wedding date. What's going on there? Why don't you have a wedding date?

We don't have a wedding date because every time I talk about it, he doesn't seem interested in it.

In what way?

You know, the New Year's is coming, maybe we should make a date when we're gonna get married. And he'll say, "Oh, we're gonna have a big wedding," but he never comes up with a date.

So when did you start to see the signs that possibly he could be cheating?

Ever since last year when the doors opened back up for him with his music.

—yeah.

I've noticed that he's been being very, very secretive. He doesn't answer my questions when I ask him. He spends a lot of time at the studio. I understand that being at the studio takes hours, but it doesn't take all night. And then when I question him on the reason why he's not answering my calls after the time he claims that he's at the studio, He'll tell me that he's tired or he still had his phone on vibrate. And I won't hear from him until the next day.

Have you confronted him about your suspicions? Yes. And what does he say to you?

But he just tells me that he's not cheating on me, that he loves me. But I need that with action.

Have you ever caught him in the act?

No. Never in the act? I've never caught him cheating on me, so I can't say that, but my intuitions His actions is showing me that he's doing something.

Got it. Has he ever accused you of cheating? Yeah. Okay, and what, have you ever cheated on him?

No. Yeah.

No, no, no. So why do you think he accuses you of cheating?

Because he's trying to manipulate me. He's trying to trick me, take the eyes off him.

Can I go back up just a little bit? 10 years ago, before you got into this relationship, you said you took 10-year break. In the relationship you were in before, 10 years before, was it emotionally and mentally abusive?

It was bad. Bad. It was bad. And I didn't wanna deal with men anymore. I said I wasn't gonna do it anymore.

How long were you and the guy together before? It was a pretty long relationship.

I would say 12 years.

12 years? Yeah. And it was 12 years of lying, cheating, abuse? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And so when you got outta that relationship, was it, what was the catalyst for you to say, let me get outta this relationship?

It was just too much for me. Too much extra work to go through and then things wasn't working out. I was ready to move on. Okay.

You asked me to unlock Picard's phone. What do you think I'm gonna find?

Hopefully you can get these answers for me.

But I wanna know what do you think is in there?

The people that he's talking to when he claims that he's at the studio. The social media pages that he's hiding from me.

Okay. So you think there's pages that he's hiding from you that you haven't seen? Yes. Okay. Well listen, Renee has shared her fears about Picard, so let's see what he has to say. Please everyone, help me welcome Picard to the show.

Yo, I don't understand what you talking about telling me these people that I'm the one that's causing the issue when it's you. You're the one that's always on me. You don't give me no, listen, listen, listen, I got a situation, Karamo, right? I'm getting a second 15 minutes. I was part of this group, it was a juvenile awareness group. We had put out a video, 1991, we gets nominated for a Grammy. You know what I mean? All this gets done, right?

What was the name of the group? Lytris Group.

I remember that. Yeah, you remember the Lytris Group? I remember that, yes, yes. Guess what was in there, man? I've kind of been re-going back into the studio, kind of catching up with my artistic talent to get in. All she seemed to do is call me, call me, especially find time. Listen, 2, 3 hours before going to the studio, I don't hear from Renee. Soon as I get in the studio, half an hour in, yeah, you could do that, half an hour in, she calling me.

So why you don't try to call me before you go in the studio?

I'm not calling you, 'cause right now what you're doing is interfering with my artistic a music process. If I get on the phone with her and we start doing the back and forth, there is no more recording no music for me.

What are we doing the back and forth for though?

In my mind frame, it's not even there.

What is the back and forth behind? What do you mean?

Behind what? You being insecure now. How? How? You are being insecure.

If you tell me that you're going to the studio and you're doing 4 hours, why does that lead to the next day? What do you mean? I don't hear from you to the next day. You gotta understand my side too. What's your side? On my side too. When you tell me that you're going to the studio and you're taking 4 hours, it rolls over to the next day.

I don't hear from you. I just told you that.

You keep bugging me.

You keep bugging me. And plus, if I get out 3, 4 in the morning, why am I calling you for? Oh yeah, I know you're gonna be up waiting on that call, but I'm gonna call you in the morning.

But you don't call me in the morning.

Well, maybe I forgot, man. You can't look at everything. Have you ever called me?

This is what I'm talking about. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Listen, I asked her point blank earlier if she has any proof of you cheating or anything. But I get that. She still, she says she has a woman's intuition. My thing for you though is if she's saying to you, all I need is a call after the studio to alleviate these conversations, why don't you just give her that?

And this is something that you promised me that you would do. Remember?

I'm just asking you this point blank.

To be honest, we go back and forth so much that it's getting to a point where Punishment. I don't feel, no, it ain't punishment. I don't feel like I should be giving explanations.

We're too old for that. But how you trying to get married to me and you can't explain something to me that I'm asking you to explain?

You should already know 10 years in. What are you talking about? No. You should already know 10 years in.

No, no, no, no. So, Fakard, can I ask you point blank? Go ahead. Have you cheated on her?

No. Okay. Listen, bro, I'm raising 2 kids. That's not even my lifestyle. My daughters only know me for being with her and their mother. That's not the guy I am. It was a situation where I first met her, she had this thing she would do where she would just stop by. No calling, no nothing. I mean, one time she stopped by at 3 in the morning, talk about she was in the area. So? Every time she—

So what? So what? So? You lucky I was knocking on your door.

Hey, I get it, I get it. At least I was knocking on your door. Here's another thing. Every time she stopped—

Wish you would've caught me knocking at somebody else's door at 3 in the morning.

When is it gonna stop?

But you do the same thing. Yeah, once in a while, only— Exactly, exactly, you do the same thing.

It's different when I do it.

Why is it different than when you do it?

It gets to the point, right, where I'll start feeling like, yeah, maybe she might start messing around with me because she think I'm messing around so much I think she might start doing something. So I, I start getting insecure from that perspective. Okay, she know what I'm talking about.

So can I ask you something? Because my producer You just told me that y'all two aren't friends on social media. No. No.

That's another thing. Why aren't y'all friends on social media?

I'm about to tell you. Every little argument, disagreement that me and this young, beautiful lady has, she sends out the bat signal, which is she unfriends me. Have you ever done this to me, yes or no? Yeah, I've done it when you've done it to me. No, no, no, no.

Don't blame me. Talk about you. She done it so much. Have you unfriended me, yes or no?

Yes, I have one or twice, but you did it so much. Listen, she done it so much. So much, they stopped her from sending me friend requests. What up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They stopped her from sending me friend requests. That's how much she unfriended me.

Let me tell you. Ricard, you proposed, why won't you set a wedding date?

Why would we go ahead and set a date and take that step to be in a marriage doing this? I would rather, this is what I told her, I'd rather take that step when we at peace with one another. Got it.

But we can't be at peace if you living like the way you living. It's give and take though.

It's give and take, Renee.

No, it's the way you living. I listen. You speak, I listen.

No, but that's not the way you do it though. Okay, hold on. What does peace look like for you?

Him answering my questions when I ask him, son. I'm asking you, when you go to the studio, why don't I hear from you until the next day? And it's every single time. I'm busy.

I'm in there being creative.

So you can't text me and be like, "Bae, I'm busy." Sometimes I do.

You can't say I don't. Sometimes I do, but I don't do it all the time.

Okay, hold on. I wanna know from you. What is peace?

What does peace look like for you? Peace look like for me is her just getting off my back. Stop putting pressure on me for things you have no proof on.

And you have to do the same thing. I get it.

That's still it. You always do the tit for tat.

You have to do, no, there is no such thing as tit for tat.

Every time if I bring up something that— Well, you just said you tit for tat too.

You get treated the way you treat people.

But you still tit for tat. It's still tit for tat.

We asked you to unlock your phone. I said no. Before I even get to it, he refuses to unlock the phone. Yes. And this is a first for me to say this. Mm-hmm. I'm actually very unhappy you didn't unlock your phone because I do not believe that unlocking your phone is gonna ever solve the symptoms of this relationship. So when I unlock people's phones, it's because I'm trying to get proof and do things. Right now, you're telling me outta your own mouth that you don't have any time you've ever got anything. You're saying the thing that is triggering your insecurities is him not picking up a call. That is a boundary issue. And I think that's what we need to be focusing on. There needs to be boundaries put in place. Listen, you just as petty as she is and you know it. The reason I said this is that you do the same, engage in the same behavior because you gotta stop pointing the finger at her and saying, well, she do this because you do the same thing. And that's why y'all in this sort of pattern of, well, you do this, you do that, you do this, you do that. Y'all both engage in this negative behavior that is not serving this relationship at all. So what's happening right now is both of y'all have boundaries. You said you've never cheated. You said you've never cheated. You said you've never had anybody come up to you. You said you never had anybody come up to you. So right now it's like y'all just need to communicate better and say what I need. Tell this man the boundary of what you need and be clear about it. And the thing is, is that I understand that your past relationship is playing into your insecurities right now. I don't think you have a self-worth issue. I think it's, It's about being triggered about your past, the fear of it happening again to you. So I'm gonna do this exercise really quickly. Can you tell me 2 boundaries you need from him? Communication. In what way? Because if he's saying he's an artist and he's in spaces where he's trying to perform, what is it that you clearly need? Is it just, hey, when you leave the studio, just check in and say, I'm okay.

There's nothing wrong with him picking up his phone and— hitting me with a text. A quick text. He don't have to do it all the time.

Can I get a clearer boundary from you? You know what he does. I'm really trying to help you. I'm trying to help you. I promise you. Because I actually do believe that this is a relationship that should be salvaged and could actually be healthy. I actually do believe that. I do believe that. I do too. And I say that to say, you haven't told me anything to give me the conclusion that he could be cheating and he hasn't given me anything to make me think that you're cheating. So what I'm saying is that this could be salvageable.

The reason why I think that he's doing something is because he constantly accuses me He uses me.

I get it. That's going back to the first thing I said, tit for tat. Both of y'all doing it. So that's why I'm trying to give y'all a clear boundary to move forward with. I'm asking Picard, what's the boundary you need? What's the boundary you need? Picard, what's the boundary you need? The boundaries I need?

What is the boundary? For her to listen more.

What does listen more mean?

When we have our talks more, and I mean, what you mean? When we have our talks, to listen more, to internalize what I'm saying and listen to me like, and I'm gonna listen to you. And take what I'm saying into consideration.

So you gonna start doing that now? What you mean? 'Cause you weren't doing it.

To me, I believe I've always been doing it, but I'm gonna be a little bit more proactive with it.

I need for him to do the same things that he expects for me to do for him.

But what are those things? Listen more. But listen more in what text? Like, this is what I'm trying to, y'all gotta hear Karamo.

When I'm talking to him, don't cut me off. Listen to me.

Boom, hold on. Now we got a boundary. You see? Did you see what just happened?

Now that's a boundary. I get it. That's a boundary.

So now, first boundary. She just said, "When I'm talking, don't cut me off," which we all witness here. You do do a lot.

This is somebody I got feelings for. So I'm gonna go back to that. But you gotta stop.

She just told you you gotta stop. So now, when he sets, now that you set that boundary, when you're speaking and he cuts you off, you don't react. You sit back and you say, "My boundary," versus right now, y'all ain't got no proof, ain't nobody doing nothing, you ain't doing nothing, y'all arguing about stuff. This man love you and you love him. Y'all just gotta set some clear boundaries. That's at the end of the day. And you do. He set the first boundary. Don't cut her off no more. Listen, that's just a win for me. So I'm gonna take my wins where I can get 'em. We gonna stop right there, everybody. We gonna stop right there. I'm gonna wish y'all the best of luck. And if y'all need more resources and tools on boundaries, I got y'all, all right? But I really do believe that there's true love here.

I really do believe that. Thank you very much, Karamo.

I do believe that, yeah.

I heard everything you said, man. I'm definitely gonna take it into consideration. I believe that. And probably some of the best advice I've heard in a while.

I appreciate that. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.