Take Care Of Your Child! 🗣👶 | KARAMO

My guests, Tamar and Hershon, have been trying to co-parent their 2-year-old daughter since they broke up. Tamar says Hershon moved out of state 3 months ago to be with another woman, abandoning their daughter for his pregnant 40-year-old girlfriend. Help me welcome Tamar to the show to find out her story. Has he ever supported your daughter?

No, he have not supported her. He abandoned me when I was 4 months pregnant. Basically, he said he wanted to see what else was out there. That was his response.

And at this point, how long were y'all together?

We was together maybe a year or two.

So 2 years together as a committed relationship.

You're 5 months pregnant with his child and he says, "I wanna see what else is out there." Yes, and when he said he wanted to see what else was out there, I was reading messages from his girlfriend he's with now, which he told me was a family friend. Now she's pregnant.

So you are aware about this woman that he's with now?

Now I am.

Yeah, of course. Was he there at all throughout the pregnancy?

He was there here and there. They showed up for the baby shower and gender reveal, but not financially.

So financially he's never been there?

No.

Okay. Would you say that physically he's been there a lot, a little?

A little.

A little?

Okay.

Every once in a while.

Okay. I know your daughter's 2, but does she know who her father is?

Yes, she don't even call him dad. She call him by his real name.

Really? How did she learn that?

Maybe when people call his name, you know.

That's how she did it. And especially since he's not there to reinforce, call me daddy, then okay.

He don't even correct her. When I tell him correct her, he just let her do it.

So it's not like you want her to call, you don't want your daughter to call him by his first name?

Definitely.

You want her to say dad?

Yes.

Okay, that's good. Now something that my producer told me that threw me for a loop is he blocked you on Facebook and blocked you on his phone?

He did. He unfriended me and basically abandoned me. And when he's outta town, he ignore our phone calls when we calling him, me and the other child he has, ignoring our phone calls.

Because this is the thing, I'm trying to, because no matter how I feel about you, if we were in a relationship, you still are raising my daughter.

Definitely.

So I have to be in contact with you.

I have to be in contact with you.

Talk to me. Was he trying to have contact with your daughter at all during that time?

Actually, when he first moved down there, he did not have a phone. So it was kinda hard. And when I found out he was going to move with his girlfriend, I was wondering, why can't you call off her phone if y'all happy in a relationship? And she much older, she should understand. Can I use your phone to call my kids?

Yeah.

Why have that not been, you know, the solution?

And what was his response?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

Okay. And how do you feel about him having another woman pregnant?

She finna find out who he really is as a person because he not gonna be there. He not gonna financially be there. She's gonna be doing everything financially herself.

So what happened with your daughter's birthday party? Tell me about that.

Okay, so he came from outta town to be with her for her birthday, but he did not show up to the birthday party. None of his family showed up and I had him a ride to go there. He did not pitch in to pay for anything.

She had her birthday party.

What did he say after that, why he missed it?

His head hurt. That was his excuse. His head hurt. And he also told me to bring him a plate of food. He told me to bring him a plate.

Sorry, that took a second. Let me compute this. So he said, he said, bring me a plate?

Yes, he did.

From the daughter's birthday party?

Yes, and he did not have no money to contribute, not even a present when she got there. That's what he does. When the birthday party is over, the kids go to his house and he still don't get them a present or anything.

Did you bring him the plate?

No, of course not.

Thank God, I'm just checking. I'm just checking.

I'm just checking. I'm just checking, I wanna make sure.

No, sir.

Okay.

I want to get on a schedule where he gets her every weekend. No exceptions, every weekend from Friday to Sunday. And I don't wanna have to pick her up Sunday at noon.

I'm hearing a lot from your side, but I think to keep it fair, I need to hear what Hershawn has to say about all of this. So everyone, please help me welcome Hershawn to the show. How you doing?

How you doing?

Nice to meet you. Why do you not wanna come out right now?

Because I feel like half of the shit she's saying is true, but half of it is not.

Okay, well, I don't know if you heard, the last thing I said is, I actually do wanna hear your side to make sure I'm keeping this fair. So I think it's important that you come tell your side. So you ready to share your side of the story?

I mean, I will, but it's like, even if I do, I'm gonna probably barely get heard anyway.

I'm gonna hear you. You can trust that. Anybody who comes on my show, they get heard. So you will be heard. So you ready to tell your side?

Yeah, I guess.

All right, come on.

I feel like, Half of it's true, half of it's not.

Okay, what are the parts that you feel are not true?

It's how often I get my kids.

Okay. So how often do you see your daughter?

I say like it ain't been as much as I used to when I did stay in St. Louis.

But it could be more, it could be more. You can try to be a better father 'cause they need you. They need you. I want my daughter to know how it is to have a man treat her. That's what I want. She needs to have her father.

All I have in St. Louis are enemies, dead friends, and bad memories.

Okay, they don't have nothing to do with your kids.

He's leaving St. Louis.

What about your kids?

Me leaving St. Louis is supposed to better me.

But it's not, 'cause you still ask me for money. You ask me for money. You not helpful.

To get on the bus.

You ask me for money.

Hey, sir, I'm very helpful.

So in your opinion, you feel like you're an active father?

Yes.

Okay.

I may not have been there, Reese, because of these last few months that I've been gone, all of a sudden everybody just in their feelings because I've been gone for 3 months. Like, okay, I'm out.

But why do you ignore the calls when you with her? Why you have to step outside and ignore the calls? Why do you go days without—

Hold on, I got a call every fucking day.

That's your baby, dog! That's your baby! That's your child! She's been a part of that with you Where you been? She's been to find out where you been.

I feel like I don't have to.

Why do you feel that way?

Because I just do. Why is it a big deal?

So what happens if your child gets hurt on the day that you're not calling?

Believe me, if she call and say anything is wrong with my kids, she already know I'm on the way. Don't even try to make me, bruh, no.

So, but hold on, 'cause this is a valid question. I really wanna ask this because you're saying it's her responsibility to call you to tell you if something's wrong with your daughter. So now if she, and I'm just, I'm gonna just ask this, I'm gonna just real quick 'cause I am hearing you. If she decided to act in the same way you're acting and not call you, would you be upset? Because you just said the responsibility would be on her to call you if something happens to your daughter. If she just said, you know what, I don't need to call him.

But it's like, how else would I know? Call.

Call.

By calling. There you go. It's by calling, you know what I'm saying?

I don't know, man.

Okay, in your opinion, do you feel like your mother has affected your relationship with your kids?

My mother don't have shit to do with nothing.

Okay, and why do you feel that way?

Because she don't.

She's keeping after your daughter while you outta town. Why can't my child come over there and spend time with her?

Why don't you talk to her about that?

You are the father.

Man, I don't even understand this shit, bro.

So why did you move outta state?

To have a new fucking life.

Okay.

To get away from everything I just told you.

Uh-huh.

Responsibility ain't—

You have a third child on the way. How do you feel about that?

I'm happy about it.

You're happy about it? Okay.

I was happy, just like I was happy about all my kids being born. Like what?

Listen, we have a ping coming in. We have a message from your other child's mother that she sent in from Mar'Nya. Let's see what she had to say.

I'm the mother of Hershaun's 5-year-old daughter. He doesn't provide for her. He don't buy any clothes, shoes, toys. He don't do anything. He don't send any money. He don't give any money. He don't come to no birthdays, no events. I just want him to step up and be a father, do better.

Y'all gonna ask the devil to tell y'all information. If only y'all knew what this woman was like.

Actually, he just needs to step up as a man. That's all. That's all we asking. That's the only question.

And I am trying to, if y'all will give me the chance.

So what are you gonna do? How you going to support your two kids? Why would you up and leave them?

How am I gonna support my two kids? Why would you up and leave them?

Why would you?

You already got a job.

Because I wanted to leave St. Louis.

You have a job. And obviously you're not going.

I'm not staying nowhere I don't want to, bro. You're not going. I'm not staying nowhere I don't want to.

Something gotta happen.

So listen, just to understand how it's like I get to decide that I wanna better my life, but I also get the opportunity to leave my kids behind.

I'm not leaving my kids behind.

If they're both saying that they don't have the support as a co-parent, then what is your explanation for that?

I don't have one.

What do you think you can do to have a better co-parent relationship?

I probably do need to call more.

Boom, that's a big step. You do need to call more. And why do you feel like you need to call more?

Because I probably don't call as much as I should.

Yeah.

I did not leave St. Louis to like leave my kids. I went because I got, man, I have nothing in St. Louis but a bunch of family members, dead friends, bad memories, bad traumas, and I don't wanna deal with it. Every day I'm in St. Louis, I feel like I'm going crazy.

Okay. I can see this. This is pain right now.

Like, bro, I lost so much in St. Louis.

Here, here you go. Here you go.

I lost all my friends, bro.

Yeah.

The real reason, like, after my grandma died this year, Bro, I was like, I'm done with St. Louis, bro. I don't want to come back. I don't care about St. Louis. Only thing I care about in St. Louis was my kids. That's it. But man, I can't be no father to my kids, bro, when I'm fucked up inside.

Boom. Okay.

Like, I got too much shit on my mind. I gotta look over— whenever I'm in St. Louis, I gotta look over my shoulder every 5 minutes.

Got it.

Do she know about that? Do Reniyah know about that? I do.

You tell her about that.

Well, yeah, I tell her. She knows. My other baby mama, she knows too. She don't give a fuck. She told me that. She told me she wish I die. She been telling me that down there since my first daughter was born.

Got it. I understand.

I hear you. My family, they don't, like, they know that some of the things that I've been through, Bruh, it ain't no, man.

Did you live with your mother their entire life?

Man, I was in foster care from 13 to 18.

Bingo, got it. Okay, okay, okay. So what I'm not gonna do right now, and this is why I said I'm gonna hear you, I do believe you need your support. But the thing is, is that unfortunately this man right now is telling you that he can't be there as you need him to be right now because he's still trying to work on himself. And he's running. He's acknowledged, which I appreciate you acknowledging, that you know you need to call more and that you know you need to do more. 'Cause I've had many men sit in front of me and be stubborn and be like, "Nah, I'm not doing that. You do it. It's your responsibility." You're acknowledging you need to do more. But I also understand that you're saying that I need a lot of help. What are you doing to get that help outside of the person you're dating?

I just been doing spiritual work. Okay.

All right, so this is what it is. You need to get, while you're doing the spiritual work, you need to have some mental health work. So if I give you therapy, would you go?

I don't know, man.

Well, no, hear me out, hear me out, hear me out. You said that you want to figure out, sometimes it's hard to be a human being and I've been in a dark place before. I know what that feeling feels like. And sometimes when we're trying to figure it out, but yet we're still trying still being bombarded, it doesn't seem like there's never gonna be a day that you can get over, that you can get better, that the sun's shining. Having somebody who can talk to you and give you some tools outside of me just giving you something for 35 minutes could actually help you. Because the thing is, is that to be honest with you, I can't help you to be a better co-parent right now until you have the tools to be able to start to heal the things you're dealing with. And that's just the real.

[Speaker] I don't know, I just feel like I've been through therapy before. And it didn't help me.

What I'm trying to offer you is you being a grown man, being able to talk about the pressures, talk about what's going on. Will you accept the therapy?

Probably. Okay. Is there a program? 'Cause he, I want him to get his GED and I want him to, that's the start. 'Cause getting your GED is what's gonna get you more opportunities first. I've been telling him.

See, all these things that now come out, also makes sense. You know what I mean? And this is not to shame your experience or anything, but like I understand now why it's hard for you to not have a job and you're not getting a job to support the kids. And these are not excuses, but if we're going to really realistically look at you as a young Black man and what you're dealing with and not saying you're not dealing with a lot because I know you are. So I wanna be clear, this is not to say, oh my gosh, like he's just absolved. I understand. But I also understand if you don't have a GED, and you're trying to get a job, if you're dealing with death and grief, being in foster care system, there's a lot of pressure on a 23-year-old man that it's up here and in here. It's probably killing you every day and it came outta your own mouth that it's killing you every day. You gotta get help. And I think there has to be a bit of patience and grace in the fact of knowing what he's going through. He can be the father that your daughter needs. Definitely. So this is what I need. Can you commit to her that while you working on your mental health, that you will try your best to communicate more with her about, with your daughter. Can you commit to that?

I'll try to communicate more.

So I'm gonna send you to therapy.

You want it?

Yes.

Come here.

You took a big step, Gary. Hug me. You took a big step. Come on, man. I told y'all I was gonna be fair. I'm gonna hear you. I'm gonna follow up with y'all continuously because you need more steps. But he's made a commitment. So, oh, so you're sweet. Okay. It's not about me. You wanna, You wanna give him a hug and give her a hug. Hold up, hold up. Where are you going? I know you wanna watch more Karamo, so click here to subscribe and click here to watch more so we can keep talking and growing, friends. I love you.