In this dialogue, Speaker A (the wife) recounts the deterioration of her marriage after her husband, Darius (Dee), joined the military. They married young (20 and 21) and became parents within a year, which shifted their relationship from partners to parents. Upon his enlistment, communication worsened: Darius often puts on headphones during conversations, signaling disengagement. A. attributes part of his behavior to the military culture that, in her view, encourages men to be less attentive and even to cheat. She discovered a single instance of infidelity after the birth of their daughter; Darius confessed, and A. eventually forgave him after a period of reflection while staying with a friend. Conflict resolution is another pain point—Darius habitually walks away during arguments and never returns, despite A.'s attempts to give him space and work things out. Throughout, A. expresses that she feels she loves more because she invests more emotionally, defining love through emotional commitment.
Chapters
He ended up joining the military and then that's where things got like worse.
Does Darius listen to you when you voice your concerns to him?
Sometimes.
What does he do in those times when he does not listen?
His body language. He got this thing where he'll put headphones in when I'm talking to him and I'm like, who you talking? Like, you need to listen to me.
Yeah.
So that pisses me off 'cause I'm like, if I'm trying to talk to you, what you putting your headphones in for? That make me wanna snatch 'em out your ear. So you can listen to me. So then he's like, he go through this thing where he's like, well, I'm trying, I'm trying. And I can't lie with that. I do see him trying. I do see him like—
Well, that's good acknowledgement. You see the man trying.
Yeah, I do. But he need to try a little harder. We've been together, like I met him when I was 19. We got married at 20. He was 21. I'm 29. He's 30.
So y'all were young. Okay.
Yeah, and I feel like there was a lot of things that happened With us too, because of the fact of since we met when we was so young, oh my God. Since we met when we was so young, it was like everything went so quickly. We got married and then like a year later I was pregnant. And when once that took place, we became parents. So we stopped connecting and started being parents. Okay. So then he went into the service. So then—
So after the service, is that when you felt like the conflict really started between you all?
Mm-hmm.
So after he got back, that's when the communication was done. What do you think will happen at that time?
I think that the environment he was around and in that world, like once you become a military spouse and you see some of the things that go wrong, like there are sergeants and stuff that like encourage cheating. It encourage you to not listen to your wife, to take charge and do those different things. Wow. And he wasn't, I guess at first he was trying to fight against it, but eventually you just kind of give into what your surroundings is.
And he's been unfaithful to you, correct?
Yeah, one time.
One time.
Mm-hmm.
When was that time?
After I had our daughter, I found out about the other girl. And that's the kicker, he told me. And that's why I forgave him because I looked at it as a lot of men not coming home telling their wives they cheating on them. So I had to take that into consideration. I was like, you know what? Maybe he did feel sorry for what he did and that's what made me forgive him. But I didn't instantly forgive him. I left and stayed with one of my best friends to figure out what I really wanted to do.
So when y'all argue, my producer told me he walks away.
Oh yes.
Does he come back to try to solve the, resolve the issue?
No.
He just walks away?
He walks away. I mean, his mom suggested that Give him time, give him space to cool down, let him come back. And that's what I do. But how Dee get down, he don't never come back. I'm more subjective to, okay, let's try to work things out. He more of a just forget it. And I'm like, well, if you really care about the relationship, why don't you wanna work with me?
So because you give more of yourself emotionally, you feel like you love him more?
