The Most Viewed Moments of 2023 | KARAMO
This YouTube episode of KARAMO’s "Most Viewed Moments of 2023" presents a series of on‑air family counseling sessions that explore deep‑seated trauma, grief, and conflict across three families. The first segment follows a grandmother (Speaker A) who lost her daughter in a 2012 car accident and now struggles with unresolved grief, over‑protectiveness, and a strained relationship with her teenage granddaughter Zaniya. The conversation reveals the grandmother’s guilt, the granddaughter’s feelings of being treated like a child, and their mutual accusations of disrespect. The second segment shifts to a mother‑son conflict where the mother (Quayda) expresses intense frustration and resentment toward her son Brandon, while Brandon describes his desire for love and connection. The third segment returns to the grandmother‑granddaughter dynamic, highlighting the grandmother’s harsh language, the granddaughter’s academic achievements, and a series of apologies and commitments to change. Throughout, Karamo mediates, prompting definitions of disrespect, encouraging apologies, and urging both parties to adopt healthier communication, respect, and vulnerability. The episode ends with concrete commitments: apologies, daily hugs, and a pledge to “love louder” than negative behavior, illustrating a hopeful, though turbulent, path toward healing.
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And you're not gonna tell me that I was robbing at that point. Why? Why you talking about yourself, bro? 'Cause you think you're still being selfish right now. How? 'Cause you're screaming at me. You should respect me.
My guest Kaya said she's afraid that her mother Stephanie's reckless behavior is rubbing off on her little brother Troy. For years, Kaya has watched her mother float in and out of jail for lying and stealing stealing. And now Kaya says her brother is following his mother's footsteps. He's suspended from school for smoking weed, stealing cars, breaking into homes, taking a gun to school, and getting arrested for assault. And he's just 13 years old. Kaya wants my help to convince her mom that her behavior is affecting her son. Let's welcome Kaya to the show. Hi, Kaya. Hi.
How you doing? Hi, I'm really good.
Hello, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you as well.
You are beautiful.
Thank you.
You're welcome. So Kya, tell me, what made you call the show?
Back in December, my mom and Troy, they got into a heated argument. She asked him to turn down his TV. He went to the room and unplugged her TV, put it on the bed. In the midst of that, he ended up leaving his controller and his headset in the room. And she kicked him out the room. He was upset about leaving that. And she ended up kicking him out of the house after a heated argument. It got really bad. It was in December, so it was really cold. And so he was out there for 3 hours. In the cold? Yeah, in the cold. And that resulted in him catching pneumonia.
Oh my gosh.
Yes. And the police had to be called, and it just— It really breaks my heart that—
Of course.
That he has to go through that.
So you said your mom has changed, how so?
I used to see her in a different type of light, in my opinion. She was a lot more outgoing, she didn't sleep as much, not as verbally aggressive. Now her appearance has kind of changed and she sleeps a lot and she kind of lashes out a lot more.
Do you think she's a drug addict?
Yes.
So you heard Kyah say that she thinks that you're the reason that your son is going down a wrong path. What are your thoughts on that?
I may have had some kind of influence on him, but actually since Troy been, he's 13, so in the last 13 years I have not had any issues with shoplifting at all.
Is there anything that you feel that was said that was unfair or not true?
Some of the things, a lot of it is true. A lot of it is kind of maybe rocky from what she could remember. Basically when Troy was born, I had already been to prison. I had got married to his dad. We got a divorce 'cause of drugs and things like that. So when we got a divorce, his dad pretty much kept him from me for a long time. So Troy went to a stage where he was going back and forth from mom to dad even as he got older. So when he gets in trouble at my house, He'll go to his dad's house, vice versa, back and forth. So there's nothing pretty much real stable for him. But—
So you think the lack of stability is the reason he's acting out?
Exactly.
Can I ask you a question?
Mm-hmm.
Are you still using drugs?
No.
Are you using drugs at all?
No.
Okay. So why do you think Kaya thinks you're using drugs?
'Cause at one time I was using drugs.
Mm-hmm. When did it stop?
I don't know. Maybe a year.
Maybe a year? Okay, I'm gonna ask you a question. Would you be willing to take a drug test here? You would be willing?
Yeah.
This is good because I think for me, part of your daughter's concern is the drugs and I think it's important that we do that so that way that's off the table.
Yes.
And then we're talking about discipline and whatever other boundaries or structural issues is going on in the house. So I would love to take you backstage now to do the drug testing. Okay. Okay? Everyone, please welcome Troy to the show. Hey Troy. We met backstage already. Can I have another handshake? May I have a hug as well?
Thank you.
All right, there we go. All right, take a seat next to your sister.
What's up, bro?
So I'm gonna ask you, could be a hard question. But you're a very smart young man. Do you think your mom's a bad influence on you?
Yeah.
You do? And why do you feel that way?
'Cause the people she bring around me.
Who does she bring around you?
She got somebody in the house named Luther that be around me and he be calling her B words and stuff. And one time he, when she was gone, I think she was at work, he had got mad at me 'cause me and my friends, they had came to the house and we was playing hide and go seek in the house. And so he had got mad at me, then put his hands around my neck and then hit me against the wall.
Wow, I'm very sorry that happened to you.
And then he tried to fight my friend, then he called the police on us.
Wow, did the police come? Yeah. And what did they do?
And all they said it was discipline.
That's what he said?
That's what the police said.
Oh, that it was just being, it was just discipline. Yeah. That's why normally you need somebody who works in social services to come out and assess those situations because we would have a different lens. So what's your relationship like with your mom? It's good. Do y'all have fun? Do y'all argue? Sometimes. 'Cause your sister said y'all argue a lot about things. What do y'all normally argue about? Cleaning up around the house, like she'll like, if she picking up something that I didn't see or she'll start talking, like start saying, she'll start getting mad talking, like start yelling. Yeah. You said, you told my producers that your mom said something that really upset you. What was it?
She said she hate me and she wish I was dead.
Wow. When did she say that?
In December.
So recently. I'm sorry she said that. It's okay. What did that make you feel like when your mom said that? Didn't make me feel like nothing. Made you feel like nothing. So what happens when your mom leaves you all day?
She leave me all day, I get worried sometimes. I call her, she don't answer. I call her back to back to back, she don't answer. Then I called who she be with, he answered and he gotta wake her up. And then she talked to me and then she say she gonna be at the house. But when I got a call, like she say she'll be there in 5 minutes, I wait an hour or so and she's still not there. She'll fall right back to sleep.
Stephanie, thanks for being back here. So did you hear anything of what Troy said backstage?
I've never said I hate him. I never said I wish he was dead. What I actually said was I hated his behavior. Mama, you did say you hated him though. I didn't say I hate him personally. I hate his behavior. It's a difference. I can hate the behavior but not the person.
But both of your kids are saying that they heard you say those exact words.
That I hate him?
Yeah, sometimes in the heat of the moment, I'm not saying this, I'm not excusing it, but sometimes in the heat of a moment, parents have said things that is not healthy that they could regret. So is there a possibility, 'cause if your son and daughter are both saying that you said it, that you might have said it.
You heard me say I hate Troy while we were on the phone? I didn't say I hate him. Mom, I'm not trying to make you look bad or anything like that. I can't tell, but anyway. No, I'm just trying to make sure like we can change and go forward. It's not to make you look bad. Well, this is more about me than about what I thought my son was. Well, it's because of his behavior. So his behavior is influenced by you. And so since he, actually his behavior is not influenced by me. 'Cause you know, I'm not the only person that takes part in his life. You know, like when he lashes out. You know how he lashes out and he's like, "I don't wanna be here," and all that?
It's because—
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. But I'm not the only time, I'm not the only person that he's with when he lashes out.
Well, he'd also just said that there's a guy named Luther in the house. Did you know about these fights with Luther?
Oh yeah.
You did?
Yeah.
And how does it make you feel knowing that this person put their hands on him and choked him and did these things?
Oh my God. I couldn't believe it actually. And I'm doing everything I can in that situation and he knows it to change that situation. I mean, we have a lot going on versus what we're talking about here. So as far as like living arrangements and things like that.
Sure, so are you living with him right now?
He's living with me.
He's living with him. So once he choked your son, why didn't you ask him to leave?
I did.
You did, and what happened?
I did. He's left. We come home, he's moved back in. He's supposed to be leaving now. But Mom, you can make him leave, like, you know, he could, you know.
Yeah, how does he have access back into the house? If you've told him to leave and it's your home, and again, hopefully you can hear from the tone of my voice, there's not judgment coming from, these are genuine just questions. If you've asked him to leave, then why hasn't he? He left?
Good question. Obviously I can't say, I've tried everything. I can't say just leave. If he has mail, come there. It's a legal issue. But you can give him like a 30-day eviction. I did that too. So we can put Troy first. I did.
Troy, you don't feel heard right now? Do you feel heard? Do you feel like we're hearing what's going on or do you feel like your mom's hearing you?
Mm-hmm. You gotta sit up, bro. No.
I know this can be difficult. You got cameras here, you got your mom, you don't wanna make anybody mad, you know what I mean?
Let her know how you feel. Let mama know how you feel.
You can tell her. This is a safe place for you.
Talk to her. Come on, I'm listening. Come on, she listening. You know, you say nobody listen to you, we listening. Well, just so you know, I never have. If I said I hate you, I apologize 'cause I don't hate you. And I don't wish that you were not born. Just wanna put that out there.
How do you feel when your mom says that? Do you believe her?
Yeah, but I know when she get mad, she gonna end up saying it again.
She ends up saying things that she doesn't mean? Yeah. Earlier you took a drug test and we have the results now. I don't know if it's negative or positive, but Troy, would you mind if I just spent adult time with your sister and Mom, we'll talk. Yeah. We're gonna take you backstage. You did a good job though. For me, I didn't want your son out here in case this is positive, just because it wouldn't be right for that conversation to be in front of him. Kya's older, we can have those conversations. Hopefully, I just wanted to let you know why I did that. Stephanie, you have tested positive for weed and cocaine. So you are still using cocaine.
It's been a while. It has not been a year, but it has been a while.
So the way that this works is that it would only pop up if it's in your system within the last 7 days. A couple of days. So that means at least in the last 7 days you've used.
Okay.
Yeah. So cocaine does affect people's people's behavior, their attitudes, makes them sleep a lot, causes depression, causes a lot of things. I gotta ask you, why do you think you need to use drugs?
I don't think I need to use 'em. I don't have no, 'cause it's just an addiction. In her defense, you know, back in her time they did flood the streets with drugs. I'm not saying she didn't know. I mean, like, I'm not giving her an excuse, but during that time it was a big chunk of people who did fall victim to drugs.
No, no, of course, listen, I know the history of America with drugs in the Black community.
Yeah.
Today we gotta talk about what's happening here because we have you in a house where now I know you've tested positive, which probably means the person who's in your house who you're trying to get out is using as well, which would explain his behavior of choking your son. It would explain all of this. This all becomes a lot clearer to me now. Do you think you can stop?
Yes.
And do you want to stop?
Yes.
You wanna stop?
Mm-hmm.
Okay. Well, for me right now, the behavior that your son is exhibiting, we wouldn't be able to even get to today because we have to get you to a place as his mother where you can feel healthy enough. And so there's really no real resolution that can happen today on my show because again, as I tell you all the time, this is not for TV for me. This is real life. We all understand that there's been drug use and so that will allow us to figure out how to help you so that way your son can get help. Do you feel that? What do you want for your son? Do you like that he's stealing, that he's doing these?
But he doesn't steal it. That's one of the things that we did break for him. He does not steal.
He told my producers that he still does.
Yeah. He told me, when I was on the phone with him, when y'all was in that store. Yeah, he was trying to steal the iPhone. He was like, "Oh, I could take this iPhone." And you know he took a gun to school? Yes.
So I'm just saying right there, took a gun to school. He took a gun to school.
I thought it was somebody else that took the gun and he took, 'cause he didn't have a gun to school.
No, he said he took it. These are things that he told us directly from himself. He also fought a teacher.
Yeah, I do know that. Aggravating issues.
So the thing is, is that yes, he is still stealing. Yes, he is fighting. He's doing these things. He's lashing out and it makes sense to me now. He feels as if he's lost. Do you want your son to go to jail one day?
Of course not.
I know you don't. What do you want Troy to take away from this?
I do want him to at least be comfortable with where he lives. That's most definitely important.
You want him to be comfortable, okay. You want him to be comfortable, I get that and I respect that. Right now, your son needs to be in a place where he can get stable.
Well, the only other choice that he would go to is also a family that's not also not stable, so. He can go with me.
There we go.
Hold on.
Kaya, because if your mother's saying that his father's house is not stable, are you willing to take him with your brother?
Yes, me and my fiancé Ben said we'll take him.
Are you willing? So right now?
No, we've already talked about that.
Are you willing?
Mm-hmm.
You're willing?
Mm-hmm.
That's a resolution. So while you're willing, while your daughter's willing to take Troy, are you willing? I can figure out how to get you the help you need because you said you don't wanna be on drugs. I can figure out how to help you get that help so that way you're getting support, he's getting support, and now you're working towards a better tomorrow.
Yeah.
Do you want that? Yeah. Now great. So no more with his father. Your daughter says she'll step up and we'll figure out how to help you get the help you need.
All right?
So I have an update for you all about this story. We checked in with Kaya on Monday and she said things are getting better slowly but surely. Luther, the ex-boyfriend, has moved out and Troy seems to be adjusting so much better without him in the house. Mom is also sober and now has a job working at Taco Bell. Dad is even more involved with Troy because he wants his son to know that he loves him and will never give up on him. I'm so happy to hear this news and I'm gonna continue to check in with Troy, Kaya, and Stephanie. What was your experience like in foster care?
I was bullied. My hair was falling out. My grandmom took pictures of bald spots.
There's a lot of pain and trauma. So I know you got outta foster care and you finally went back home. What made you leave home at 15?
I left because originally me and my mom had agreement. I sat her down, I said, "Stuff going on in the house, I can't deal anymore." and I wanna graduate high school. Every weekend I would go over to my grandmother's. Yes. And I would do homework. And this one particular night, my mom called my uncle and told my uncle not to come. Didn't let me know. Mm-hmm. So I was just sitting there waiting for hours. So I had made up a plan. She didn't care about whether I graduated high school, so I don't give a shit. I bundled up, bought 7 outfits and my laptop and put it in a trash bag and left that night.
Yeah.
And I never came back.
And you moved in with your grandmother at that time. And how was it living with your grandmother?
My mom had distanced me from my grandmother and I didn't know my grandfather was, had cancer.
All right, so it has been 15 years since you've had a conversation with your mom. I wanna know what is the one thing what you want from her today?
I want to tell her everything that I didn't get a chance to tell her.
So you just needed her to hear you, that's it?
Yeah.
You don't need anything past that?
And I've struggled throughout my childhood for her to listen to me. 'Cause I used to sit down and tell her like, "Hey, I really want you to change. I don't want temporary fix." And right now, being a mother of my own, I just want to feel complete.
I know your mother was on drugs for many years. How many years of your life was she on drugs?
I would say for all of it.
All of it? And how old are you, if you don't mind me asking?
I'm 24.
So 24. So at least 24 years plus she's been on drugs. Do you still think she's using today?
Yeah.
You do still think she's using today? Has she ever made an effort during that time of 25 years to reconnect with you?
I would say yes and no, just because during the time when I left, first left, I cut all contact from my mom.
Has she, your mom, never been involved in your daughter's life at all?
My daughter is 1 and I would say she hasn't really seen her over 5 times. My mom was not there at my baby shower. She wasn't there at the first, I didn't really even wanna tell her I was pregnant.
Yeah.
Because I figured like she didn't, she wouldn't care.
Does she have a relationship with you? Does your daughter have a relationship with your grandmother?
Yes.
Does your mother have a relationship with her mother, your grandmother?
Not really. My grandmom is the one who really is the mediator between me and my mother.
I understand. What are the 3 things that you want your mom to hear you about today?
I wanna have a mother to mother conversation with her. And I also wanna have a daughter to mother conversation with her. Certain things that I witnessed as a child, I should not have witnessed.
So that's a good thing. So you want her to know things I witnessed, I shouldn't have.
Things that I've gone through, in situations that she had put me in with the men that she was dealing with. She put our children at risk. I want her to know that that's, mother to mother, that is not okay and I'm not going to do that to my daughter.
What is the second thing you want her to know?
I want her to know as a daughter, the life that she lived affected me.
In what way? A little clarity.
In what way? Emotionally, I was depressed. I didn't have guidance like I should have. Like I didn't even have, being a mother now, it's so much things that I, like my grandma had to apologize to me because she didn't know that I didn't know certain things as a woman.
Because you didn't have the guidance.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's not my fault for not knowing. But now that I do know, I'm going to teach my daughter.
Yeah. Yes. Give it up for that.
So.
Give it up. So.
I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she's alone.
For me, what is the third thing you want her to know?
Just because you have a parent does not mean you be a parent.
So I wanna know what Haneefa's mother Sarita has to say about all this. Everyone please help me welcome Sarita to the show.
I've had a very traumatic life and my daughter has to understand that I didn't ask for my life to be like that. There were things that happened to me that I had no jurisdiction over would cause a lapse in having a relationship with her. I'm grateful that my mother, even though she had an addiction.
Your mother was addicted to drugs?
Yes, sir.
How long was she addicted?
Over 21 years or so.
Yes. So for the majority of your childhood, you grew up in a household where your mother was addicted to drugs?
Yes, sir.
Got it. When did you start using drugs?
Oh, I started at a young age, about 15. I truly apologize to her for some of the things that she had to go through, but I never wanted her not to be educated. That's something that I always fought for. I always— Yo, you is really funny right now. Always provided— Excuse me, you spoke. Give me respect. I am your mother now. Now. Now you wanna use that title. If you wanna rekindle a relationship, you brought me here to try to embarrass me, you're embarrassing yourself. No, I did not come here to embarrass you. I've established a lot with myself. But I want you to be real. Excuse me. You talking about yourself. My whole childhood you talking about yourself, bro. Right. And you don't give a shit. It's not my fault. I don't care. You're not gonna fault me for that. That's like the magic bullet. I'm not biting the magic bullet. You are the only parent in the house, bro. I'm spellbound. I'm not my only parent in the house. That's why I gotta do the shit I gotta do for my daughter. My brother was murdered and you're not gonna tell me that I was bothered at that point. Why? Why you talking about yourself, bro? 'Cause you think you're being selfish right now. How? 'Cause you screaming at me. Screaming at me. You should respect me.
Let her take a moment. We can have a conversation 'cause it's the pain. It's pain. So what I wanna do first of all is because I'm, again, I think the thing we forget about when you have mother-daughter relationships is first I wanna go ahead and acknowledge everything you just said. You told me that you wanted her to hear you and wanted you to have a mother-daughter.
Grandmom apologized to you over 20-something years ago. I never went into my mother's face screaming at her. At my mother cursing at her. Where's your apology? In front of a national audience. Where's your apology? Where's your accountability? There is respect. Where is that? I have a condition. You're still in denial and delusion. I have a condition. I'm trying not to get angry. I'm gonna step up because I cannot. You should have been stepping up. I'm gonna step up and stand on the side because I'm not gonna allow my child to smack her hands in my face and curse at me. Here you go with that. Because I never took and cursed at her one time. And I think I deserve more respect than what she's given me.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna listen.
Basically, I'm doing a lot, way less than the behavior you displayed to me.
Haneefa, I know you're angry right now, but you said, I asked you what do you want from your mom? And you said you want her to hear you. Your daughter needs you just to hear her. She needs you to hear 3 things. She needs you to hear that she feels like you put her at risk. She needs you to hear that she had a hard life, which is causing her to feel depressed. And she also wants you to know that she didn't deserve this. You said when you got with your grandmother, your grandmother had to apologize to you because there was things as a woman you didn't know how to do. I'm gonna just tell you this right here, and this is not an excuse. She did not know how to do it. So in your mind, you know how to do it now. So you're looking at her of like, How is it that you didn't know how to do this? How is it that you did not know how to do this for me? She didn't know. You deserve to have it done.
See, that's where I'm saying again, like I understand, like she didn't know, but it's just like the love for my child, I got so much more than to damage her.
I know.
I'd rather cry it out, even through postpartum, I'd rather cry that shit out.
I know.
To hurt my baby.
I know, I know, I get it. I get it, I understand.
And that's why I'm saying like I understand her pain, but now it's time to talk about my pain, what the fuck I went through. You never experienced use of a drug? Have you ever experienced a use of any drug? I smoke weed for my anxiety. Okay. That's the only thing I do 'cause I dare not touch another thing looking at you. So what makes you think you better than me? You said you never use drugs. Because I'm doing the job for my daughter, that's why. My daughter can, I can stand and say that I watched my daughter walk. Can you stand and say that you watched me walk? Well, I couldn't walk. Okay then. I couldn't walk. I had to walk with the people. Okay then, don't go there, don't go there.
The reason is that question is that because the drugs, the reason I'm bringing this up again is the reason about the drugs is because she was in a cloud and I get the love you have for your daughter and I get Listen, it's going to take years for you to understand that your mother was in a cloud and that's why she couldn't give you what you deserve.
No, I do under— Like, I do understand that.
Okay, so let me use different language.
I understand that.
Let me use different language. It's going to have to take you years to feel in your heart. You are a smart woman. I know you understand, but there's something when the mind and the heart don't connect and that's what's going on. I'm telling you. And you're right for your pain.
It's like, You were in pain. Why inflict that on me knowing that you were in pain? You're damaging your child.
Stop right there, stop right there. I know you've done it before, I know you've done it before, but can right now you acknowledge to your child, I'm sorry that I inflicted this pain on you?
I wouldn't be here.
I know, but tell her.
I know, I know. And this is hard to be in front of someone or these people here.
I get it, I get it.
Sincerity.
But tell her.
My sincerity is for my present.
But why you tell her all this?
My sincerity is my future. I cannot apologize for my past. You know why I can't apologize for my past? 'Cause pain upon affliction causes addiction. I never meant to inflict any pain on her. I truly apologize if you feel some type of way about what I was traumatized about and how it may have been a reflection on you. Yeah. Because I— That's your apology?
Only—
Like, wait, wait, wait. I only could, I only could, what am I supposed to do, get on a knee? Just say I'm sorry, bro.
Can you just say I'm sorry? Sorry's not good.
Like, wait, what the hell? Sorry's not good. I apologize 'cause I can never be sorry because God put me here to be in front of you right now for my future, not my past. Yes, yes. All right, whatever. I ain't even gonna accept no apology 'cause you ain't giving one, obviously. I'm just gonna move past it.
[Speaker] Yes. Unfortunately, in this moment, I do agree with your daughter because I was hoping to give you an opportunity to just acknowledge. What she said to me is she just wants acknowledgement. That's it. And as parents, even in our darkest moments when we have clarity, and you have clarity today, that's when we have to step up and just give acknowledgement. And sometimes an acknowledgement, an apology, is really a great first step. And I understand that you have this wall built up and these things going on that you can't go there, but until you're able to go there, she's gonna have to, she's gonna continue to feel this pain.
And I'm gonna remove you from my life. It's a lot of self— And my daughter's life. I was already removed. There's a lot of selfishness. There's a lot of selfishness and control. I cannot be controlled or feel like somebody is trying to manipulate me. But I removed me with It's just things that they're not challenged with.
Okay, got it. Listen.
She have not yet to feel how it feels to try to eat food and still be hungry and can't chew enough to suffice hunger pain.
So this is what I say. I really thank you so much for coming on the show. I appreciate you so much for telling me your side. Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes, have a good one now. I'm gonna talk to her. Thank you so much, seriously. So listen, I asked your mom to leave because I saw what you're going through. You already set the boundary of we're not talking no more. You don't have her in your life. And I think that's a healthy boundary for you to have right now. That is a very healthy boundary for you.
But I don't want to go back to being angry because I don't have the mother and my daughter doesn't have the grandmother.
But let me tell you, but listen, no, no, no, no, no.
So it's like I bounce between the 15-year-old being angry and the grown woman me.
Yeah. So let me tell you how you help that. In your mind, you have to grieve the mother that you needed. Because the thing is, you're gonna keep toggling back and forth between being this grown woman who's trying her best and that 15-year-old girl until you grieve that relationship. That relationship has died. And until she's able to take steps to give you what you need, you have to grieve that relationship while also focusing on your boundaries. That's what's going to heal you. I tried to give you the healing from your mother, but unfortunately she's not in a space still to give you that. We witnessed it. When you lose something and you're like, "Oh man, I'm pissed, I'm sad," the first day and the second day you're like, "Well." It's just hard. I know it is and it's a process.
'Cause it's the only, my grandma, she's my rock.
I know, but no, that's a lie. She's not your rock. You are your own rock. Don't fool yourself. Yourself, and this is the truth, don't fool yourself into believing that somebody outside of you is your rock. You are your own rock. I heard it when you said at 15, I made the decision to leave. You have always been your own rock. And so don't ever put that external because it takes away from your own strength and from the fact that you've always tried to do the best for yourself.
I'm just tired of being disappointed by her.
Yeah, grieve it. Instead of saying I'm tired of being disappointed, say I'm no longer disappointed. Change the language. Grieve that relationship. It died already. Set clearer boundaries. And also remind yourself that I am my own rock. I always have been. You hear me? Those are the steps that I can tell you that's gonna allow you. So just remind me again, what you gonna do when you leave the show?
Grieve the relationship so I can heal.
Then what you gonna do?
And shut the door and leave it there.
Boom. And then what you gonna do next?
Set boundaries.
Great. And then the third thing is—
And be my own rock.
Remind yourself that you always been. Why do you think she was suspended 100 times?
Her attitude. She doesn't like to listen to anybody. If you're telling her something she doesn't want to hear, she's not gonna listen to you. She's gonna ignore you, talk back. She just gets real disrespectful when she doesn't get her way.
So let me figure this out. When did Myasia's behavior change?
She's always had behavior problems since she first she first started school.
Because she's 14 now, right?
Yes.
Okay.
She's been kicked out of school since kindergarten. But I noticed a change once she got to middle school.
Okay.
As far as thinking—
So what, like 2 years ago?
Yep.
Okay.
As far as thinking she's grown, disrespecting the teachers, the way she talked to them when I'm getting calls there, the way she talks to the teacher is just unacceptable. And she also talks to me the same way she talks to everybody else.
Okay. So Mya's father recently came back in her life, right?
Yes. I just found out 2 years ago that he was the father and he stepped right in, you know?
And you've been a single mom most of your life. Tell me about that.
It's been a challenge, you know, but I did my best, made the best out of it. It's been kind of hard because like I couldn't really work because I couldn't get a babysitter for Myasia. Like nobody wanted to keep her. Of course. Or me having to get called from work to go up to the school as many times as I had to go, so.
What are you most worried about with Myasia?
That she's gonna get lost in the streets. I think she wants to be for the streets because of the people that she hang with. She wanna do bad girl stuff. I just don't want her to go down the wrong road and end up hurt or in jail. I'm just trying to get ahead of the situation before it gets too late. Like, I want better for my daughter.
How often do you two argue?
When she gets in trouble at school or I'm telling her to do stuff around the house or do your homework and she doesn't wanna do those things. So that upset her because I'm, constantly telling her like, this is the stuff that you have to do. Like she wanna argue and fight. Like—
What do you want to happen today?
I really just want a better relationship with my daughter. Communication, you know, I want her to be able to come to me and talk to me about anything. I want her to know that I'm not her enemy. I got her back. I just want her to be the best version of herself.
We're going to get to the root of what's causing this with Myasia and I wanna talk to her now so everyone can understand. Please welcome Myasia to the show. Hi, Myasia.
Hi.
May I have a hug?
Yeah.
How are you doing? I'm good, how are you? Nice to meet you. You look very pretty today.
Thank you.
Yes, you're welcome. Why do you feel like you have to yell to be heard?
Because every time I try to talk or something, I can't get my side out. Like people always talking over me.
And what is it that you're trying to say that you feel like they don't listen to you about?
When I'm trying to get my side of the story out, They just don't wanna listen and they just wanna take it they way.
Okay. Do you think you get along with your mom?
Sometimes I can, but sometimes no.
Do you think your mom loves you?
Yeah, I know she do.
So do you get along with your dad?
I don't really talk to him that much.
How did you feel when you found out about your dad? 'Cause I know that was 2 years ago, right?
Yeah. I was kind of happy. It's just like, oh my dad. I never knew him until now.
So for you to find out about this man, it was like, I finally have my father?
Yeah.
Okay. Marquita, do you tell Myasia that you're going to send her to live with her dad?
Mm-hmm.
Why do you do that?
Because the way she talks to me, I'm not finna tolerate that in my house. She'll argue back with me. She'll cuss, call me names, all that, slam her doors, punch walls. I just need a break sometimes. It's overwhelming. Yeah. And—
How does it make you feel when your mom says she's gonna send you to your dad?
All her stuff and was sitting there with her door open waiting for me like, "Am I leaving yet?" That's called a test. Like sending me to my dad's house, it's my dad. I wouldn't really care. So I just packed up all my stuff.
Do you really wanna leave your mom for a man you just met 2 years ago?
No.
Then what is it that you care about? What does it make you feel? Like, "Oh, she just want me gone." And how does that make you feel thinking that she just wants you gone?
Sad, like, "Oh, you want me outta the house? I'm gonna leave." And I'm not by far trying to make her feel like that. It's just she don't care how nobody else feel. Like, my feelings get hurt too.
Why do you feel like you have trouble in school?
The way I act and then like with teachers, it's like, 'cause they already know me. It's like I can't just start on a new path. They already know me. It's like bringing on old stuff, expecting it from me.
So, but I'm gonna challenge that 'cause you're a smart woman. You went to a second school and your teachers didn't know you there. So what happened at the second school?
At the second school, I was doing good there. I only got in trouble once, but I had to switch back from where we moved. Mm-hmm.
So at the second school, you didn't have the behavior issues. Is that true, Mom?
This new school that she just got kicked out of the third week, she did what, 4 different things? One of the things that they said she did what she did, the teacher was telling her that you can't have your hoodie on inside the class. She refused to take it off. So the teacher asked her again and she told her, "Ugh, you're irritating me, you get on my nerves." So that was, you can't do that. Then some other girl that was there, she asked her about her sexuality and if she date girls or boys and that offended her and they don't tolerate that. I don't feel like that's doing nothing wrong, asking a question. But it is, if you're not listening to the teachers and talking back, that's being disrespectful and they're not gonna tolerate that and they let you know that when you first came. So that's where we at with that.
So, 'cause I wanna hear you, 'cause your thing was no one hears me. So I want to hear you because why do you think that it wasn't too bad?
All I did was ask a question and she took it her way and I just got wrote up for it. The teacher ain't even asked me nothing about it. I didn't even know I got wrote up for it.
So did you apologize?
You apologize? I couldn't. The last one where I got wrote up for that, I came in the office and she was there and then they told me I was going to line.
Okay, but you told your teacher she was annoying.
No, I wasn't talking to her.
Irritating. You weren't talking to her?
She told me to take my hood off and I was talking to somebody else when she was telling me that. And I was talking to the person, I wasn't talking to the teacher.
Mm-hmm. But you said those words outta your mouth and she took it You think it that way?
Yeah.
Why did you have your hood on?
Because my hair was messed up and it's cold.
So let's get to drinking with friends.
This is a text that I read when I took her phone from her that they were saying, "We're gonna party this weekend. Come over, we got weed, we got drink, we finna get lit." I don't know if she ever drunk before, but I know that she's smoking.
Okay, are you smoking?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm, what made you wanna smoke?
I just feel like when I was smoking, it's just like I don't have to think about nothing.
It's a release for you, escape.
Yeah.
So how can your mom help you?
It's for her to see from my perspective. But how can I if you're not talking to me? When I try to talk to you, when I'm asking you, you don't tell me nothing.
What do you want her to see from your perspective?
Like how I be feeling sometimes. Like, if, like, I go to work, I go to school, and I do everything. Like, as soon as I get off work, she want me to just do all this stuff. All I wanna do is go to sleep. I probably do it in the morning when I get up, when I got more energy, but she wanna yell and just try to make me do it. I'm tired. So I don't, on the day she works, she does, she be working 4 hours a day and she does go to school. I'm not having her do too much. The only thing is her room. You're going in there, you're going in your bathroom every day, so You know, why won't you clean it up? Like, I'm not just asking her like she's Cinderella and I'm making her clean the whole house. You only got your room.
Do you enjoy school?
Yeah.
Is it hard for you sometimes?
Not really.
So when you're doing your schoolwork, sometimes is it hard to stay focused?
Yeah, 'cause I get bored.
You get bored quickly?
I get bored quickly.
And so when you get bored, that's when you decide to do what?
Not do my work no more.
Mm-hmm. And then what consequences does that have?
I'll probably like get behind or something.
Get behind. Does the teacher usually say something and you respond back? I'm trying to get deeper with you all, but something is going on and I gotta tell you, there's definitely a space that needs to be created for your daughter to be more vulnerable. How can you become more vulnerable with your mom? This is a real question. Because I see you're a very intelligent girl, but I also see a young woman who is assumingly shy in the way you act. But I know you're not because of the way that you act at school. So I know you like to use your voice. I know that you have your opinions. I know your opinions are strong, which are all beautiful qualities if channeled correctly. Like if those qualities are channeled correctly, Girl, you could run this world. But when they're channeled incorrectly, it leads you down a wrong path. But my question for you is, there's something going on that's blocking you from feeling like you can't talk about what you're feeling. I'm watching it here. And I can understand why maybe your mom gets frustrated with y'all and y'all have those little small arguments. But for you to wanna stop those arguments, we gotta be able to know what's going on inside. What could your mom do to create a space for you to be vulnerable and talk to her?
I don't know, 'cause I feel like if I disrespect myself, people gonna judge me or just have something to say about it.
Yeah, so you feel like you're gonna be judged. Say it, Mom.
Why would I judge you?
Well, do you feel like judgment also comes in like the form of like punishment?
Yeah.
Okay, because if I acted a certain way, then I get punished, so then I can't tell you what I'm going through. And this is not to blame you or anything because this is parents, this is what we do. You know, you get in trouble, you do something, but then it creates a space sometimes where kids don't know how to communicate with us. You know, I used to do something with my kids that was very like, and my sisters used to be like, what are you doing here? They used to like be so upset. But if my sons did something wrong and they told me first, they wouldn't get punished.
Punished.
And what I was doing there was cultivating a space where my children knew that honesty wasn't equated with punishment, with sharing their thoughts wasn't equated to punishment. And so it allowed them, even as adults, like I got a text just a minute ago where my kid was like, thanks for letting me talk to you, Dad. Let me— and he did something that I usually would've been like, are you kidding me? But at least he was able to communicate with me, which allowed us to have a conversation of how he could be better.
I just wanna know, I just want her to be better, like be great. I know you got so much potential, Maya, you're so talented.
Listen, you're not a bad young woman and I wanna be the first one to tell you, you're not a bad young woman. I do believe that, I'm gonna talk to your mom about this and I'm gonna say this transparently in front of you. I believe you're bored at school and I believe that there needs to be special things placed to help them to not be so bored. Because when kids are bored, then you start just being upset, you stop wearing a hoodie, you've had your head down and what's up. And somebody say something, you're like, I'm aggravated, uh, over this. And it becomes aggression and it becomes this sort of like behavior that doesn't express what's really going on. You just told me right now, I'm bored. And I bet if we dig a little bit deeper, we could figure out like maybe in some of these classes, what are your grades like? Do you get A's, B's, C's, D's? I said a whole bunch of letters and you said all of them. What classes do you get your A's in?
Like algebra.
Algebra? Okay, that's good. So you get A's in math?
Yeah, I love math.
That makes sense, 'cause lemme tell you something, math is a formula. So if I learn the formula, I don't have to think about other stuff, I can do it. So I think about that, it's not her being bored, she just can get it and does it. And so I think there's a way of talking to her, maybe talking to her teachers or mom and just honestly about, How can we figure out how to get extra assistance in her being bored in these classes and what to do?
Okay.
And also it's encouraging from you, mom, to say to teachers, if she's acting up, let's not punish her immediately. Let's try to have a conversation. Right. Because the conversation could maybe lead to her feeling more heard and seen and maybe her being, you being able to like talk about what you're going through. You think so?
Yeah.
Would it feel better to not be punished immediately and maybe have someone talk to you about what you're going through? What you're going through in that moment?
Yeah, 'cause then the consequence could be different when you hear me out.
When they hear you out. I got it, I got it. Listen, there's just things here where I do think that you're making bad choices. You already know the weed, you already know the things. You're also trying to process your father coming in because behavior started 2 years ago when you started doing some of these mother things the same time 2 years ago your father came in your life. And so I gotta say to you, Mom, All these things are going on. You don't have a bad daughter.
I know that.
But I tell you, yeah, I know you know that. And also you're not a bad mom. I feel that. I actually think you're probably an exceptional mother. I think you're pretty exceptional and I just wanna let you know that. But I think there needs to be a shift in how you're mothering and realize that some of the things that you're doing before have to shift. So some of the stuff of like, you know, you apologize for saying, "I'm sending you to your daddy." We gotta stop that.
Okay.
Because she finally, after she said, "I don't care, I don't care." She said, "It makes me sad." And so if I'm bored at school and I'm sad when you do these things and I feel overwhelmed and I feel like I'm always in trouble, now all I'm gonna do is you've told me that I'm bad, you told me I'm bad, you told me I'm bad. If someone tells you something after a while, you start to believe it.
That's true.
You know what I mean? And it's gonna be difficult. It's gonna be difficult. But I gave you some action steps. Do you think that at one point you'll be able to talk to your mom a little bit more?
You want? Uh, yeah.
Well, I think there's a little bit of a first step here, okay?
Yep, I appreciate it. Thank you.
Welcome to the show, friends. Listen, 2 years ago, Neshay connected with a man named Michael on Ancestry. She originally thought he was her cousin, but get this, he told her that the Ancestry test led him to believe that he could be her father. Until now, Neshay has never questioned who her father was. She was raised by a man who she has always thought was her biological father, but 2 weeks ago, he revealed that he had doubts. Take a look at this.
Karamo, I need your help to help me solve this 29-year-old DNA mystery. 2 years ago, I connected with a man that I thought was my cousin on ancestrydna.com. I didn't think he was serious when he said told me he can be my father. I already have a dad. He raised me since I was a little girl. Can you imagine how confused I was when he told me it was a possibility that he was not my father? I used to be daddy's little girl, and now I don't know who my father is. I blame my mother. This is her fault. My mother has never been there for me. And she needs to be held accountable for ruining my life.
Everyone, please welcome Neshay to the show. All right. Yes, outfit. You look great.
Thank you.
Yes, you do. Have a hug? Yes. Come on, pretty in pink.
Yes.
OK, Neshay, just tell me, how did you end up on Ancestry in the first place?
Well, basically I was just going on there honestly to look up my heritage and to actually help my mom as well. She doesn't know who her father is. So we wanted to look up some things and figure something out.
Wow, okay. And so you connect with this person, you realize you have connections.
Right, so as I was on the Ancestry, I seen that I was related to about, 5,000-something people. And basically, there was a match. It was a guy on my dad's side, supposedly, 4th cousin. And we had about 49% shared DNA. So 50% is kind of a lot. So, you know, I hit him up like, hey, cousin, what's going on? And he didn't respond back. This was in 2021. And he barely responded back this year. So—
And when he responded back, that's when he said, "I think I could be your father"?
He basically responded, "Do you think we could talk? Do you think you can give me a call or we can like meet up possibly? There's some questions I wanna ask you." Of course. So I was like confused. I'm like, "What do you mean questions?" So I found him on Facebook and we connected there. I gave him a call and he basically asked me like, what was my mom's name? I told him my mother's name. He asked me for a picture. I sent him a picture and he was like, "Yeah, we have to talk in person." What did that do to you in that moment?
'Cause you're thinking this man is your cousin.
Yeah.
And you're like, "Hey, cuz." And then also like, "What, dad?" Like—
Yeah, it shocked me honestly 'cause I had no idea. You know, I instantly started thinking about my mom. I'm like, so did you even know? Like, you know, I had so many questions that I just didn't have the answers to.
Were you a daddy's girl growing up?
Yes, I was. Yes. My full name is Antwan Niche, but I go by Niche. I'm named after my father. You know, he was everything to me. Cooked for me, cleaned for me, we played together, we went to amusement parks together. He was my best friend, you know? And you know, now that I have this information, it's kind of, you know, it makes me a little bit emotional. It makes me sad 'cause the family that I grew up knowing as my family possibly could not be my family.
Neshay, are you ready to talk to your mom now?
Yes.
Okay, well, welcome everyone, Sharee, to the show. Shareef, thank you so much for being here.
Hi.
How are you feeling right now?
I'm feeling nervous and a little ashamed.
Okay, why are you feeling ashamed?
Because a lot of the things that my daughter said is true. Mm-hmm. I was a young mother. I was a young mother. I had a lot of kids to deal with at that time. And I did put a lot of things on her, responsibilities that should have been mine.
Has your mother ever acknowledged this before?
No.
Never?
Mm-mm.
Your daughter's here crying because she says she's never heard that from you before.
You know I love you, baby. You know I love you, Neshay. You my firstborn. You my first child. You was like my little mini me. I was not given a book on how to raise any kids. Yeah, you wasn't given a book. I did what the best that I could with what I had for you guys, but you could have gained more knowledge to do better. I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. What do you want me to do? I don't— sometimes I don't feel like your apology is genuine. I don't feel like you I really mean that. But you 25 years old, Neshay. 29, Mom. 29. I'm 29.
Well, part of this is, Cherie, you can't say to someone that just because they're older that they should get over it. Your daughter's pain from her childhood, which you acknowledge yourself was unfair that she went through this. You know that she went through stuff. She's still hurting. She said that there was a time in your life that you were at her award shows, that you were there with her, you did things and then you stopped. Why did you stop?
Because I had a busy life with raising kids and having to be there for all the kids that I had.
But she's one of your kids, so why did you stop? 'Cause your excuse is, and I understand that you were young and you went through, you were trying to figure it out. But you said, You were there for the other kids, but she was one of your kids. Exactly. Why did you stop with her?
Probably because I had men in my life too that— Yes, and that was one of my big problems. Men played a big part in my life. Yes, and you showed them more attention than you showed me, that's for sure. You know, I needed you in my life. I needed you to be there for me, to build me up, not break me down.
You ready to meet Michael for the first time?
Yeah, I'm ready. I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I'm feeling all type of emotion right now.
I get it. Well, this is the moment because this man could potentially be your father. So everyone, please welcome Michael to the show. Michael, you sharp.
Thank you.
How you doing? Nice to meet you, Karamo. You sharp. You are sharp. Give me a hug. I heard all that. Beautiful.
Thank you.
I heard you just say that you heard all that. What was going through your head when you heard that? A lot of hurt for her. Just wishing I had known so I could have maybe been there to do something and make it, make her life a little different. Got it. Yeah. And I heard you've been waiting for this moment for a long time. Yeah, for a while. Ironically, I started out looking for my father. I don't know my father. Then kind of transitioned into finding a sister on my father's side. After finding that sister on my father's side, ironically, it led me to finding her. Oh, wow. Yeah, it led me to finding her. Wow, that's amazing that you were looking for someone else and then this connection happened. Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
Sure did. We were doing the same thing. Trying to figure out who my mom's daddy is.
Yeah. Interesting. What's going on over there, Cherie? What are you feeling?
It's like I see her face and his face together. It's like they look like two men.
I can't lie. We don't know the results yet, but y'all look a lot alike.
I know. But I keep saying, like—
Yeah.
Let me see. I know, right? Same.
It's the smile on them eyes. Yeah. What's going through your head?
I just wanna know.
Yeah. We gonna get there in a little bit. So you first connected with Ashae, did you even think that she could be your daughter? What was the first thought? 'Cause she thought you were her cousin.
Yeah.
So that was the first thought. So I got like an influx of emails saying, "Hey, it's your third cousin. Now you have a second cousin and a fourth cousin." So when I got that influx, I decided to go on. And in doing that, I went through a lot of the various emails that I had and I saw Neshay's email that said, "Hey cousin." And I think it said, "How are you?" Or, "How are we related?" Something like that. And then I saw one about 6 months later that said, "Hello." And I didn't respond to either one of 'em. I think because it said cousin, there wasn't that great interest to really move on it. You know, 'cause you got the third cousins, fourth cousins. And so because she said cousin, it kind of threw me. A little bit. Ultimately, again, when I found the sister on my dad's side, and it's a crazy story 'cause I then started kind of looking through it, gave the phone to my wife, and I don't know how I missed this, but she said, "You either have a mother or a daughter, and I know she ain't your mother." And I was like, "Yeah, nah." So she handed me the phone, I said, "Oh, wow." I'm gonna use a different word, but then I saw the percentile and I also have a son that's on there as well and they shared the same amount of— The same percentile. Same percentile. Actually, hers was higher. Hers was actually a percent higher. So, 'cause men carry something I think is less gene that makes it a little lower. So in that sense, I decided to reach out to her. I said, hey, give me a phone call. I left my number on Ancestry and asked her to give me a call. And I think she was reluctant. Maybe, I don't know who the heck this dude is. Like, oh, okay. And so I continued to pursue, trying to reach out to her. And then she eventually gave me a phone call. Do you remember having a relationship with her mother?
Ah.
Yeah? You know what? I do remember her face. You know you don't, Michael. It's weird because after she showed me, I asked her to send me a picture, and after she showed me the picture, I was like, "Oh, I remember her vaguely." I hate to use the word, I called it transactions. At times back then when there was no relationship involved. So it was a transaction that I had at a young age, 22 I believe or so. I do remember that. But that's really it. I don't remember anything outside of that. Well, you know, I know she was, she liked lavish, the lavish lifestyle. I knew she was high energy for sure. [Speaker:KARAMO] Okay, okay. Do you believe you're Nishea's father? I do. You do? I'm not a scientist, but I don't believe DNA lies. That's kind of how I look at it, right? I couldn't look at it any other way, especially when I have a child on there already and they share the same amount. 'Cause you have one child? I have three. Three children. Yeah, I have three, but, actually four, I have four, excuse me. I have four. Well, you're saying this, what would it mean to you to have her? It would be amazing. I actually have 2 boys and a girl. I have a daughter that, it's always hard for me because she's 25, but she's like a 1-year-old. She wears diapers, she can't talk, and I've been taking care of since obviously conception. Her mom and I aren't together, but we share 50% custody and I have her very often. She's actually with my wife right now while I'm here. And I always had this conversation with my wife about, Man, I wish I could just have a conversation with my daughter just to be able to talk to her, right? And to be able to express things and be able to communicate and build a relationship. I love her immensely, but obviously I can't do that, right? She shows me in other ways that she loves me, but she can't do it through a natural conversation. And so when I found out she could be my daughter, that was the first thing I thought about, which is strange. I can now build a relationship.
Yeah, that's what I got.
And I was like, she's always been there. I didn't know about it.
Yeah. Right?
Yeah. To have that kind of relationship as well, to have a relationship that could blossom and grow through communication and love and nourishment. So Neshay and Michael, are you ready for the DNA outcome to find out if you're father and daughter?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Yeah, let's do it.
All right.
Let's do it. Well, Neshay, I'm going to hand you the DNA outcome. On here, this will let you know if this is your father and will give you either clarity if like there's new family out there, a new relationship could be established. Are you ready for this?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah? We'll be all right no matter what.
Oh my God. I honestly don't really know how to feel right now. I'm nervous, I'm sad, I'm feeling all these emotions. I don't really know. I don't really know.
What happened? This is your father?
Yes. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's how we do it. Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh my God.
That's their daddy. That's their daddy. That's their daddy.
Karamo, thank you so much. You're welcome.
You're so welcome.
You and your staff are amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Amazing.
Thank you. Oh my God.
Cherie, I'm going to start with you first of all, because I know Michael's happy about this. What is in your mind right now?
I cannot believe it.
You're in shock.
Oh my God.
I'm elated. Elated? Yeah, most definitely.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you guys. When did things start to change? When did you and your granddaughter start to you two start to butt heads?
About 3 years ago.
3 years?
When she was in the 10th grade. Mm-hmm. She started dating. Yeah. She gonna tell me she's dating. I'm like, "What are you talking about?" "Well, I'm dating." That's the day she start becoming grown. Mm-hmm. Thinking she can say what she wanna say to me, do what she wanna do, in totally disrespectful ways.
So how is she being disrespectful to you?
Zaniyah tell me what she's gonna do. That's totally disrespectful. You don't tell me what you're gonna do. I took the initiative to raise 4 grandchildren outta respect of my daughter.
You took the kids in because your daughter unfortunately passed?
She passed away.
Yes.
I've raised each one of these children from birth. Although their mother was there, I had them because she wanted to go run the street.
Got it.
So I sacrificed my whole life.
Yeah. So what happened in October when the police was called?
I went to pick her up from school and we had this conversation. It was me and her brother in the car. And Zaniya said something to the fact about her boyfriend. And I said, Zaniya, you need to calm down. We wasn't even supposed to be on that conversation. She was going off and I slapped the shit outta her. I slapped the shit outta her, beat her up, made her get out my car and called the police on her ass.
So how did it escalate to that part of the fighting?
Her running her mouth.
Yeah.
She got a mouth that you'll kill her. Her mouth is ridiculous.
Yeah.
And I don't have to stand for that.
Why did you tell Zaniah you would shoot her in the foot? Put and keep her in the house? 'Cause that's, I can be real and I understand the disrespect, but that's violent language.
She'll take you there.
Okay.
She will take you there. I'm up here with Zaniya.
Yeah.
And I did say I shoot her ass and toe.
Yeah.
I will, I'm tired. I ain't gonna kill her, I love her, I ain't gonna hurt her, but she need to listen. These young folk these days, I don't know what the hell wrong with 'em.
Let me tell you something. This must be an old Black family thing because I swear to God, I had a family, I'm not gonna say, I almost said who it was, used to say to me, if you get outta line, I'm gonna shoot you in the foot so that every time you take a step, you remember not to get outta line. I used to look at them when I'm 14, I'd be like, you gonna shoot me in the foot?
It was.
And hear it again, I used to think that was only me and to hear it again now.
Yes, it ain't went nowhere.
Okay, it ain't went nowhere.
No, no.
Wow.
'Cause I'm old school.
Yeah.
I'm old school and that's the best way to be.
So you talked to me about her mother who died in a car accident in 2012. I wanna know what was your relationship like with her?
It wasn't good.
Yeah.
I mean, I couldn't do nothing for her 'cause she was running the street. I had to take care of her damn children.
Is that why you're so protective of Zaniya?
I'm protective of each and every last one of them.
Yeah.
Because I'm gonna tell you, her mother, I was trying to be protective over her, but she was, being hardheaded and went out there and passed away because I told her not to do something, not to go somewhere, even my husband.
Yeah.
So.
You know, I gotta tell you, I know that there's been some time since 2012, but I know you're still grieving because I heard the language. You kept referring to your daughter as her mother.
Yeah.
Which there's a mental and emotional block that you have there.
Yeah.
Have you ever spent time to think about that —to go with that?
No, I haven't had time. I understand. I raised these children from 3, 4, 5, 6, all the way up to now. Listen, I respect you. I haven't had time to take care of myself. And I'm tired now. I'm taking initiative to take care of myself.
I do get it.
Yeah. I do get it.
Well, listen, I'm talking to Sharee, who is afraid of losing her granddaughter like she lost her own daughter. I think it's time that we hear from Zaniyah. Everyone, please welcome young Zeniah to the show. Hi, Zeniah, can I have a hug? Mm-hmm. Thank you. How are you doing today? I'm good. Good, good, good. You smell lovely. Thank you. So I gotta ask you a question and I want you to be honest 'cause I can already tell you're a smart girl. Mm-hmm. Do you think you're disrespectful to your grandmother?
I don't think I'm disrespectful. Disrespectful to her. I mean, I asked her like, what's her definition of disrespect or how I'm being disrespectful to her? But she can't tell me why.
So I'm gonna ask you from your own, 'cause again, I want to go from you. What do you think the definition of disrespect is?
You know, calling you out your name type and just like extreme ruthless behavior.
Calling out your name and extreme rudeness.
I know what she talking about 'cause I calls her a bitch. Why should I have to listen to you? You don't have to listen to me. Because I have feelings too. I know you have feelings. But I'm the adult. And I'm not gonna tell you nothing wrong, honey. You cannot— You expect me to sit there, listen to you talk, and that's it. That's done. No. I'll give you your chance to talk. And when I talk, you overtalk me and change it to how you feel. Okay.
Do you feel like that ever happens?
No. Okay. No. Yeah. I give her a chance to talk, she don't never give me a damn chance to talk. That's why I slapped the shit outta her when we was in the damn car. Okay. 'Cause she kept running her mouth. In the car, I told you, you kept referring to me as my mom and my dad. I told you, stop doing that 'cause I'm not them. I wasn't here when they was around. I'm not them. No, you're not. You can't refer to me as them. And I tell you all the, all the time, be better than your mama and daddy, don't be like them. So that's a lie.
So your grandmother is overprotective from her own words. She knows that.
How does that affect you? Okay, so I'm 17 as we all know. Duh. But to her, she treat me like I'm 10, like I'm young. Like she told me put a tracker on me. I had a tracker on me all the time. And it's like, even with a tracker on, without a tracker on, she want me to tell her step by step what I'm doing. It's only for your safety. No, no, you got it wrong. You got it wrong. Even when I'm out with my friends, I can tell her I'm going to the mall. She got it wrong. What time you gonna be back home? I come in your house at a respectable time. I don't come in 12, 11. I don't come in none of that. I be there at 9 o'clock or 10.
Is that true? She always comes at a respectable time? No. You told my producers that you said that you're you're not going to end up like your mother and grandmother. What do you mean?
Yes, because Grandma, she'll always tell me, I grew up like this. When I grew up, I had to do this and I had to do that. I'm not like you. I don't— I'm not— how I grew up is not how you grew up. So you tell me life is a circle, I'ma think outside that circle. I'ma think— you keep holding me in, it's gonna make me want to go out and do something crazy. Understand what she said. I'm not that type of person. She'll probably be like, Oh, you go out here and go wild with these boys. I am not that type of person. I don't let no boy influence me. I influence myself. Yes. Good job. That's good. I wanna know more about you.
How are you in school? How are you? Are you a good student?
Yes, I have made principal list.
The reason I asked that is because I asked my producers to ask you for your report card. You are getting a 3.1. That's great. Your grades are phenomenal. Yes. I also heard you're taking aerospace science.
Yes, I'm in aerospace science.
Yeah, you're in business technology, you're in multicultural literature, your GPA is a 3.1, and all your teachers recommended you as like one of the best students in the school.
Yes. They tell me that. They tell me that. Yes. But as soon as she get home with me, here we go. Yeah. The damn mouth. Yeah. It don't be the mouth. I appreciate all of that. I appreciate all of that. I feel, you put it in, you view it something totally different in your head, and that was disrespectful. I've asked you, how is it disrespectful? You can't even tell me. So until you could tell me, I can't fix nothing. Zaniya, you cannot talk back to me. That's the number one thing. You cannot talk back to me. Me explaining how I feel is talking back to you? No. When I walk away from Zaniya, there you go. I got a problem with that. So be it, I got a problem with that. I have with her. I have with her. Literally, she'll try to argue with me. Yes, I do walk away because I know myself. So I walk away to calm myself down. And she will come follow me and she will keep going till I say something back to her. And it's not gonna stop until I say something back to her. You right. 'Cause if I ask you to go wash the dishes, I mean for you to go wash the dishes. Now don't walk away from me and not say nothing to me. You can even say, "Uh-oh." I said, "Okay." "Grandma, I ain't gonna do it right now. I'll do it later." I wash the dishes. She making it seem like I don't wash the dishes. I wash the dishes. But she thinks, like, it feels like I'm the only child in the house that's doing something.
Can you describe to me what it felt like when Shareek kicked you out? When your grandmother kicked you out?
I was real confused on like, why you, like, why she kicked me out? Because like I said, I didn't hit her. I didn't touch her. She hit me. You told me I had to go, so I had to go. Simple.
What did that do for you? What did that do to you? Did that break you?
No, the police told her she had to go.
No, she— What did that do to you? Because you're a young woman who's maturing and growing right now, and like you're trying to figure out the world, and I see it, I understand. You're trying to figure out what to do, how to be better. And I know you have your grandmother's guidance, but these moments still affect you and stay with you. So how did that affect you, knowing that like I have to get out now?
I mean, it's like I'm leaving my brothers behind. It's like you taking me away from them pretty much just because you're mad. I can't pacify her feelings. I mean, I be trying to do stuff with Zaniyah. I really do. I even bought us coloring books to color. Yeah. Zaniyah wants me to be on her time. I'm not on her time. She got to come on my time. 'Cause I got a whole lot of stuff to deal with. And when I don't do what she want me to do, there you go.
She shut me down. What do you want to happen today?
I don't know what Zaniya need to do. But what do you want to happen today?
I'm done. You done? I'm done. 'Cause I actually don't believe that 'cause I know you're here today. I don't believe that. Okay. I don't. Because the thing is, is that I know the love in your heart. And also I gotta say, I'm gonna just give you this. The same way you haven't had time to focus on the grief of losing your child, there's things that are still unprocessed in her mind.
She also, on that same day the police came, she even told me if she had the choice to keep my brothers and give me away, she would've did.
Well. So I know you know.
Hell, I done raised too many girls in my lifetime. I ain't want no more. I don't know. I ain't wanna deal with that no more. I didn't wanna deal with that no more.
I get it, I get it. But that language right there. I know. Yeah. I know. But can you, I know you know, but see the thing is, is that even in our exhaustion, we have to remember that our main intention was to protect and your words are not protecting her in this moment. Would you be able to, and I'm gonna get to her, so don't think I'm just staying on you. I'm gonna get to her. Would you be able to at least apologize for this language that you're using to her and understand to understand that a young girl just like you who lost her daughter, she lost her mother, and hearing the one woman figure I have in my life tell me, "I'm done, I don't want no more girls," these things, and I understand the context, but it could be hurting her and could cause more damage in the long run. Could you at least apologize to her for that?
I will apologize, and I have apologized to Zaniya. Zaniya's boyfriend's mother, Yes. Now I got a damn problem with that. Okay, okay. Because you being my granddaughter accepted this woman as your mama, grandmama, what the fuck ever. I had a problem with that. Got it. So if she through with me, I'm through with her. Got it. I have apologized to her about that plenty of times.
Yes, I got it.
I don't have to deal with that. Here, thank you for sharing. And I raised her.
That makes more sense. This makes more sense. Thank you for sharing that because what's going on— I'm raised her. There was the issues with your own daughter and her not being able to listen to you. There's a rejection that you experienced.
Yeah, right? She rejects me all the time.
And so it's being mimicked, but vice versa. All the time. You're feeling that same rejection when she says that.
I don't talk to his mama like that. She seem like I'm just— turning her way and going to her. I talked to her more than anything.
One of the big lessons that you're gonna learn as a young woman is the same way that I'm here to validate your feelings, her feelings are valid too. But I think there's a big thing here that we have to remember, two big things. First of all, for you, you said that apology, would you be able to do it again for me right here so that way I can— Of course. Can you tell your mom?
Of course. I love you. I love you and I really apologize. I apologize. And I'm gonna be honest, me and you. And we need to work on us. Yes. Just me and you.
The second thing is, is that for you, this still is your grandmother. And so part of it is that there's things that as a young woman you'll never understand. And there's one, a third piece, I'm gonna get you, don't worry. But there's big things you have to understand. And with her, there's a level of respect that even though she's become a maternal figure, she's still a grandmother. So there's that extra level. And even though it's difficult for sometimes for you to manage that, I get it because you're showing like, I'm good at school, I'm here. Yeah. You have to find the strength in yourself in those moments to be able to find a new way to communicate. So I know you know to some degree when you say something to her and you say no or you question her, you know what you're doing.
Yes, you do. Do you? Mm-hmm.
Yes, you know what you're doing. And I ain't that smart. And I acknowledge it.
But I can figure it out.
I acknowledge it. It's because you're mimicking her behavior. She said things, so you're gonna show her. But there are levels that you have to be respectful. You have to be respectful. So can you commit to saying, I'm gonna start, when she says, hey, I need you to do this, this is still your caretaker. She is still the one who is providing a home for you, clothes for you, everything else. You have to be able to respect that. And you going around and stuff with your boyfriend and doing things like that, it hurts her. So you have to make sure that you're not being disrespectful. Is that something you can commit to? Yes. Y'all can take those steps. Of course. Trust. I'm willing to communicate with you. Better communication with the language and know that I'm not gonna reject you, you don't reject me.
Can you do that? Yes.
Yeah? Good, good. I'll give your grandma a hug. We gonna figure this out. It's all right. Me and my mom have a harsh relationship. Like I love my mom, but at the same time we have bad times. Like me and my mom, we argue a lot. We have a lot of disagreements. Disagreements. It's like, I guess like a lot of love is not there. So you feel like your mother doesn't care about you? Yeah, I feel like she doesn't care about me. I feel like it's not enough love there with me and her. Like I know, like I probably can't say that I don't like her, but I don't. I don't. Yeah, yeah. I don't. Like she gets on my nerve. Yeah. And like she takes— Do you love her? Yeah, I love my mom. I have a lot of love for my mom.
I do.
And I want her to understand that. I know I do a lot of stuff that hurts her, but I love her a lot. Yeah. What are types of things that she says to you? Like she says that I'm not gonna be nothing, I'm gonna be like my dad, or I'm gonna be a bum or something like that. Or she'll be like, if you keep on being out in these streets and hanging out with these people, you're gonna die. She tries to manipulate my brother and She tells him things like, like he'll do something and then she'll be like, "You probably got that from your little brother," or, "You probably got that from watching him and doing what he do. You don't wanna be like him." That makes me feel like you don't want my little brother to like me or something like that, you know what I'm saying? Has she ever told you that she doesn't like you? Yeah, she was like, "I hate you." She said, "I wish I never had you." When did she say that? She said that probably about like, probably last year. It was actually a day before my granddad's funeral. And we got into it real bad. I ran away from home and I just ran away. I cried. I sat at the park and cried. That's like the last time that I really just cried for real. Like it really puts me down like in a deep spot. I really just, ball out. It be times, it's times that like I go through it. Like I just ball out and cry. I be on a bus or something going to school and I think about it and I cry. Yeah. Yeah, so. So what do you need from your mom today? For more love, more understandingness and just for us to get along. Yeah. I don't wanna argue every day. I just want all love. That's it. As long as I know that she actually loves me and care for me, then I'll be good. Got it. Well listen, Brandon says he's not the reason why his relationship with his mother, Quayda, is so toxic. He says he's not the one who needs a reality check, if that is his mother. Let's hear what she has to say. Everyone please welcome Brandon's mom, Quayda, to the show.
You make me hate you. I don't hate you, you make me hate you because of the things, how you talk to me. And stop lying and telling these people, making me look like a bad— I do everything for you. All this talking, I can't talk to you. You talk too much. You talk too much. Keep your mouth closed. Keep your mouth closed. How can you listen and you talking? Look at him. That's what I'm saying. How you doing?
Nice to meet you.
I'm Quayda. I'm Quayda.
Hi. Nice to meet you. Mm-hmm. Quayda, so why are you angry at your son?
Because he just do stuff. All he does is talk, talk, talk. I do everything I can for this child right here. I love this child, but it makes me, the things that he do makes me hate him. It makes me feel like I hate him. I don't hate anybody. But it makes me feel like I hate him because of things that he do. He know that. He always snort up his nose like he's better than everybody else. You ain't better than— I take care of you. Then he sit up here talking about you grown. That's what I'm saying.
I don't act like I'm better than everybody else. I know I'm not like everybody else. Then you talking about I'm famous.
Hell, you ain't making no money from it. Okay, the money don't go back to the fame. Okay, whatever, but like I said—
You're not.
Like I said, that's what I'm saying. That little kind of stuff like that. You're somebody, you're not. Okay, who said I was? I didn't say I was famous. You the one out here calling yourself Five Blocks. What does that mean? The only 5 blocks you going is walking them 5 blocks to school. You don't have no gun, you don't have none of that. Like that's what I'm saying. I never said I had a gun. Yeah, but it don't matter. So why you calling yourself Five Blocks?
How long has this fight been going on between you two?
Listen, this child been acting like this and rude to me his whole entire life. This been going on, but it seemed like since I say last year, you can tell he got a little piece of tail 'cause you know they say you're smelling yourself, you know. So that's when all this disrespect, when he was about 15. So all my friends was like, well maybe he done had a piece of tail or something. 'Cause I said, 'cause he always been, he always had an attitude and all this stuff like that. But like this disrespect, like I can't talk to him. Every time I try to talk to him, he talk over me. Then, like, when I try to talk to him, he close the door.
When I try to talk to her, she don't wanna listen.
You don't either. You don't either. I try to listen to my mom, all she do is yell.
I don't wanna listen to nobody yell all the time.
Well, if somebody's not listening to me and they saying blah, blah, blah and rolling their eyes and slurring it up, like you better than everybody else, of course I'm gonna yell. If I don't feel like he listening, if I don't feel like he listening, then of course I'm gonna yell, duh. And see why he talking about, I don't want my other son to be out 'cause he's smart, he's in band, he do stuff. This boy don't have no interest in nothing. He don't have no, and you talking about make good grades. No baby, you—
I'm not gonna make it like I'm just super smart, but I'm trying to work on myself. Brandon, what are you interested in doing? I'm trying to be a musical engineer. I wanna go to college so I can be, yeah. In music? You wanna be a musical engineer? Yeah, 'cause I love music. What's your relationship with your father like right now? My father, we don't even have a relationship. Relationship. Me and my dad don't have a relationship. We don't. When was the last time your father told you he loved you? I don't even know. Like, you don't know? I don't know. Okay. When was the last time your father gave you a hug? I haven't had a hug from my father, probably like on Christmas. Okay. Um, do you hug him often? No. Nope. We don't even— we don't hug. We don't do nothing.
We don't even do nothing. We don't.
I don't like it like that. That's why I don't like her. I don't hug her, I don't even tell her I love her like that.
I love him, but damn, I wanna get to the point where I wanna hug him and I wanna pat him on his back and stuff. And I do say good things because I wanna, I say things like, oh, you ain't gonna be shit, or you ain't gonna, you gonna be like your daddy because you this, really ain't shit. So it don't matter, but that's what you remind me of. All that talking, all that shutting the door in my face, that's the same stuff his daddy did. Like I told him, you act just like him.
Like your daddy. Can you take a moment real quick? I just wanna talk to your mom. You know, even though you are a young man, you're about to be 18, I wanna talk to mom alone just so that we can talk and then we'll ask you to come back. Okay. All right, perfect. Is that cool? Thanks. How long have you been speaking negative like about him?
Uh, long time. It's been a long time.
I just wanna pause right there for a minute. Because I know you're overwhelmed. You're a single mother, you're dealing with 2 kids, you're probably working your ass off, you're trying to do everything you can.
Yeah, I have, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I have my little own business for them. So I can keep my— So you're working your ass off. Yeah, exactly.
So yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's hard to run a business, you know what I mean? Mm-hmm. But so I wanna acknowledge that because I wanna make sure it's not to say like, You're not showing up, you're not doing things. No. But I asked you how long you speak negative about him and you couldn't even remember. I don't know. The things that got me was when I asked him if y'all hug and you said you can't even hug him. When I asked him when was the last time he got a hug from his dad, he said, "I don't know." And he couldn't remember the last time he heard his dad say, "I love you." I said I love him. You know, I do do that, but I don't hug him 'cause I don't, But I want you to think about this, 'cause you say, "I love him." You say, "I love him." I have love for him. Yeah, but you also say all these negative things.
Yeah, 'cause I want him to do better. I just want him to do better. I say that because he makes me say that. It's like I said, he thinks he's better than everybody. He got this snared up look. Even like, we went to the fair. He was just acting like he just, ugh, just didn't wanna be around us. Like he was all, "Get away from me." Can I ask you something?
And this is not about your son. If I have been with you for 30 days straight, I said you ain't shit, on day 31, do you wanna walk down the fair with me?
Not really.
I see a correlation between the relationship you have with his father and the hate you have with his father because you've said it a couple times about how much he is like his father and he knows you don't like his father. Your son is not your ex. I know that. You know it, but I don't think you know it. So again, lemme go back. You said, I've been talking, telling him, saying these negative things to him forever. I've been telling him he's like his daddy since he was a little kid. Then you say, but I don't understand why he still acts out and why he still doesn't want to be around me and why he does these things. Mm-hmm. You're a mother that's trying, But as well, you set a lot of things in motion that you're dealing with right now. This little boy has self-esteem issues. He feels like nobody wants him in this world. And we forget that when kids do things like putting guns out there, do stuff like that, he's hurt. And I say this all the time, when people see these horrible things, what you're really seeing is pain. And especially when it's kids. It ain't drama, it ain't like he'd wanna be a gangster, it's pain.
Well, the thing is, if that's the case, then why not try to sit down? Even if you sit down and talk to me and it always—
But I'm gonna ask you, how can he talk to you? How can he talk to you if he knows you think he's like his dad and he knows you don't like his dad and you've said things to him since he was little that he ain't worth nothing?
Well, I'm not a bad— I love my son.
I want him to be— You know, I started this, I started this for a specific reason on the way of saying I'm not gonna ever paint you as a horrible mother. And I'm making that clear again for people that are here. Because the thing is, is that I don't know what you've been through. So I'm not gonna sit here and blame you because you were hurting and you were in pain and you just didn't get a chance to heal from it. But you not healing from the pain you experienced doesn't give you a license to then continue to hurt him. And he's— I'm not hurting him.
I don't feel like I'm hurting him.
I know you don't feel like you're hurting him, but you are. And don't get me wrong, when he come back out here, I'm gonna tell him he gotta stop disrespecting you. If you could trust me, I promise you this shift would help your relationship. I promise you. I'm not saying nothing to you just but other than to help your family. And the first step is, is your son needs a hug. Because even when, even when you don't like somebody, When you don't like your child, and I'm a parent, there's been many a times my children have got on my damn nerves. But even in those moments, I have to realize that I have to love them louder than whatever they're saying to me that's negative. I have to love them louder than whatever they're doing that's negative. I always have to love my child louder than whatever it is that I'm feeling. Can we bring Ryan back out? This is just a start. It's just a step. It's just a step. Okay. He needs to hold his mom. He needs to feel you. So he's coming out. Okay. It's for you. You take the first step, Mom. Love him louder.
Okay. Give me a hug. I love you, Brandon. I love you too. I just want you to do better and be better. You gonna do better? You bet.
Okay. How'd that feel? That felt great.
It felt good to hug him 'cause I haven't hugged my baby in a long time.
You're tearing up. Yeah. What's going on in your head right now? I wanna, it felt like love. That felt good. Yeah. Like, I ain't had a hug like that in a long time. Yeah, I know. So that made me feel good. It took away a lot of problems, a lot of stuff that I was going through. The thing is, is that part of it is you got a lot of anger in you because your entire life you felt like nobody wants me, nobody sees me. And it's been since you were smaller, before you could even remember. And so you started to develop this characteristic of like, I'm just angry and you don't know why. Yeah. You angry. Been angry for a while. For a long time. Yeah. I ain't know how to cope with it. Yeah. I just was going through a lot of stuff. Lost my granddad, my auntie, my cousin. I know. I ain't never been able to like grieve for real. Yeah. Get closer to your mama. Get closer to your mother. I ain't been able to like grieve how I wanted to. I ain't been able to let it out. So I taste. Been going through it. So what I wanna ask for you is can you commit right now to doing two things? The first thing is when you're feeling angry and when you feeling like, oh, I'm upset and you about to go off, can you just do one thing for me and say, hey mom, I need to figure out how to be vulnerable right now. Let me tell you, I'm a successful man with a happy family and a happy relationship. A man is somebody who can be vulnerable. That's what a man is. A man is somebody who loves others. A man is somebody who loves himself. The hustling, the money, all those things that we think make a man, that don't make a man. Because at the end of the day, if they took all of this away from me, I'm still a man because I know I give love. I know that I love myself. I know that I'm vulnerable. I can talk about my emotions. That's what a man is. So when you feel the anger, when you feel the anger, what are you gonna say? I need to know how to be vulnerable. Good job. Right. Second thing I need you to do, can you commit to respecting your mother more? Yes, sir. Tell her. I commit to respecting you more. But now as well, can you commit to your son to not say something negative about him? When you feel the urge to be like, "Oh, you like your daddy," don't say it.
I commit.
Can you commit to saying to him, not telling him to not saying negative things about himself?
I can commit to not saying negative things about yourself.
Can you hug your baby every day no matter if you happy or sad or if he makes you mad or if you feel confused? It's your job to love him louder than whatever he's doing. Yes. Can you make that commitment to him? I will. Give him one more hug now. If y'all can use them tools, Y'all gonna be all right.
Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you so much.
Listen, you do those things, I promise you I'm gonna check in with you in 6 months. If you do these things and I get a good report, I'm gonna help you figure out how to get into music producing. All right. I promise. All right. Want more unlocked phones, DNA reveals, and family drama? Then make sure you're subscribed to the Karamo Show YouTube.
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