Telling someone to calm down backfires because it triggers defensiveness and shame. Recognizing what sets people off, especially in co-parenting, helps you stop using phrases that make them feel small and actually talk to each other.
First of all, by saying calm down to somebody, you are doing the exact opposite of what you're hoping to do. So I want you to put that in your arsenal right now. Every time you say to her, calm down, just let you know that's actually an invitation for her to not do that, okay? The reason I'm telling you this is because the only way to get over triggers is by understanding how those triggers are actually affecting your communication. It's the same way when she says to you things like, you think you're perfect. It does the exact opposite. It makes you feel less than. Am I correct? Yeah. And people don't realize triggers have this effect of what we're saying to the person. It makes you actually wanna do the opposite and start feeling the opposite way. So I think the fact that you could acknowledge that you don't want her to start getting more in a way that you feel like you can't communicate. So stop saying calm down. And you don't want a man who's helping you raise your children to feel like he has to be less than. Right. Am I correct here? You right.
My Meddling Sister Made Him Doubt He Was The Father Because My Son Is Albino! | KARAMO
