Verbally Abusive Mom Struggles to Raise Teen Daughter | Karamo's Reacts | KARAMO

I remember when this woman came out, the first thought I had was, that wavy wig was cute. Y'all thought so too? Because I mean, it looks good on her. Frames her face well. And the boot was cute. She got style. But we're here for something serious. I get it.

I currently was looking for a house. So we was in a shelter during this time. And she just blew off the rip. One of the people that— you know, because we stayed there with other people. So as we there, they was— They must have touched her soda or ice cream or something. I forgot what it was. And out the gate, she went in the room. It's only a room. We share a room. So she went in the room. I don't— they always touching my stuff. I'm like, Kayla, well just get dressed. We can go to another store.

I mean, from the beginning, this was already a hard situation for me to hear that they had been in shelters, that they're doing so hard right now. You immediately wanna say, damn, well that's where the problems are coming from. But I knew that there needed to be more to the story that we could hear.

I'm trying to calm her down. She bucking at me, bucking. I'm like, hold on. So at this point, I'm like, what's going on? And she tried to swing, like actually tried to swing on me.

Oh my God.

And the people at the shelter, they had to call the police because it's other family members there.

I mean, I think sometimes when we hear about aggression from a child, we forget that they're a product of their environment. So once we do see that the mother has, She's aggressive. She likes to like, she say her point, she say what she's saying. But as well, this young woman is in a shelter. I've worked in shelters before. I understand what it's like for kids to be in them. They have to figure out how to protect themselves, not only physically, but emotionally, mentally. And that causes you to lash out. And so sometimes even in these situations where the mother is trying to do her best, the external environment is gonna cause her to like start experiencing things that make her say to themselves, like, I gotta protect myself because I don't know if I'm gonna be safe tomorrow.

"Check on Kaylee, she haven't been to school in a week." And from your perspective, you thought she was going to school.

But even then, when I heard that she's not going to school, guess what? You embarrassed. You don't feel stable. Anything that's gonna cause a stability, see, most kids, they'll react two ways. They're either gonna try to push themselves into things that are gonna be more stable. So I'm gonna try to like make sure I'm going to school 'cause I want some type of stability. And others are like, well, if the rest of my life is unstable, Why should I even care about this? And so they're gonna mimic that into everything else. So when a child is starting to say, I'm not gonna go to school, makes sense to me. Last year, so it's been about a year.

'Cause after the shelter, we moved to Mississippi and it got worse.

See, location, they changing places, they in different places. She don't feel stable.

So she got to the point where she really wasn't listening to me.

Got it.

She don't think she can do stuff and I'm not going to Milwaukee. I asked her to get, I say, well, okay, well since you wanna like boys and do all that, get on birth control. I'm not doing that. The doctor said I don't have to. You heard what they said.

This mother was trying her hardest. What I love about this mother is it's clear that she's trying to support her daughter even though she's drowning because she's like, okay, you're having sex, you have a boyfriend. Well then let me support you get birth control. It shows that she's trying. She's trying to figure out because I know what an absent mother is. And Absinthe's mother is like, "Oh, you got a boyfriend? I don't care. You having sex? I don't care. You wanna be fast? You do whatever." That's not what she's doing. She's trying to figure out her life while also trying to support her daughter. But there's something being lost in it because they're both overwhelmed and they're both looking for security.

It's just a lot from both sides and some of it wasn't told correctly.

Okay.

So what part wasn't told?

What was not told? Your mom was asking.

So— Talk louder. What part was a lie?

The shelter part.

So in the shelter you did not disrespect her?

So you did sleep on me at the shelter?

I did, but it wasn't as she told it. It was like most so both sides. She didn't go ask the worker did they have something else to drink. She was sitting there talking about the shelter.

Situation.

And I was on the phone being silent over there mad. And she kept going and kept going, she kept pushing the situation.

This is what I always talk about when it comes to parents and children. We all have our own experience and our experience is our truth. See, from this point, the mother's like, well, I did this, I did that, and then you reacted badly. And from the daughter's point of view, she's like, well, I was over here doing this and not doing something else and then you reacted. And so, we forget that in between there, both of them had their truth. I'm not saying one is lying or the other one isn't, but we have to understand that what happened is that they both were looking for support in a different way and they didn't get it. She wanted her daughter to support her in this hard situation and be able to act like an adult. And she wanted her mom to show up for her in a certain way. And that's where the breakdown.

If you act like a bitch, that's what you gonna be called.

But now this is where it gets destructive.

Who finna keep saying, "Hey, Kaylee, just calm down." No, the fuck, what the fuck wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Your bitch ass think you grown. That's how the fuck I talk to her. That's the motherfucker I talk to.

And this is where it was hard for me because you're making a clear choice to say, I'm going to disrespect you because I feel so much hurt and pain that you're going to get disrespected because you've been making me feel this pain. And that's not where it's okay because as parents, we have to model the right behavior. See, if your mother or father speaks to you like this, it depends on if you're still in the home or if you're not. If you're still in the home, it's unfortunate because your parents are the ones that are gonna be the people who are taking care of you. They're providing you with the shelter, your food, your security. What I would suggest is having a third party that you know can mediate to hear both of your sides. Somebody that the parent respects, that they think like, okay, I can hear both of y'all. That's the only way. Don't tell this third party like what's going on. Allow that to come out in person. Just say, hey, I know my mother and I are not at the best terms, or my father and I, but I need you to be in between so that we can have a conversation. If you're out of the home, you then do have the courage to be able to say, this is what I feel. If you can't do it verbally, write a letter. But that's the point where you say, listen, if you can't hear me, then I gotta set a boundary where we're not gonna communicate because I will not accept the abusive language. Do you feel like you get your behavior from your mother?

I feel like I get my—

She run around with hoes all day, younger than her. That's where she get it from, 'cause them hoes ain't got respect for they ass.

What you talking about she don't get it from me, girl? Look at your mouth. She get it exactly from you.

She know I'm not a bad child. All day I sit at home in my room watching movies on the phone. Every time I come out, I get yelled at. If I stay in my room, I get yelled at. It's like, what do you want?

Yeah. Is that true?

I'm gonna tell you why I do that. You stay in your room.

That means yes, it's true.

All day, you don't come out, cook, clean. You don't help me do nothing. You won't even prepare the food. I told her to wipe the stove. She wipe half of the stove. This the side that I'm using, so this the side that I'mma wipe. Who do that?

Is that true? Do you do that?

No, I did that one time.

Why did you skip school this month?

'Cause my hair wasn't did. And if I was to go to school with the little boys, They're there like, pick, like they're—

She's being a rebellious teen and the rebellion is coming from a lack of stability and a lack of feeling like she's being heard. And it's, and I mean like if I was in their household, I'd be able to say, okay, this whole thing with the stove, yes, disrespectful, but also it's a cry for attention, it's a cry for help. Her not going to school to say because her hair wasn't done makes complete sense to me. I understand what it's like because I was a teenager to walk into school and be ridiculed, to be made fun of. She's looking for somebody to understand her side as much as the mother's looking for somebody to hear her side.

My name's so bad with evictions, I can't even find a house with $1,500 behind my neck. That's why we moved to Mississippi. Mississippi, I moved, I got right there, I got there, got a house, got her in school. She wanna play crazy, get a little boyfriend. Now this is where she really going crazy at. She know we 12 hours away. It's just me and her down there. We moved. It's just me and her, nobody else. And whoever else we done met down there.

It's just us. It's just us. When parents feel like that. These people in my business.

I got in Diamond Court December 5th. December 5th from Mississippi. I had to pay $3,000 to get outta jail.

How long were you in there for?

For 6 days.

So she was— I knew talking to them, there's a strong possibility for this family to to break these patterns and to start to connect. They just both need support. They both just need to be heard. So I know that the mother is loving and caring. Like I said before, she's having transparent conversations. She's trying to talk to her. She's being there. She's concerned about her missing school. She's not neglectful. Let me tell you something. When I worked in social services, the thing that you look for is abuse, neglect. These are things that you immediately go for and you're looking for to see like if the child's in danger. She's not neglecting her. She's showing up and saying, "Why aren't you at school?" She's asking her to come out the room to be there. She's just saying, "I'm drowning and I don't know." This is just the wrong person to say, "I'm drowning," to. Your daughter doesn't even know you're drowning. She's not your friend, unfortunately. But there is a way to communicate that we can support each other better. But I knew in this matter, it wasn't gonna happen, so I need to be the one to say, Let me give you support. Now you got that, now you can have a better conversation and dialogue with your daughter. Do you regret having a daughter?

You, I, mm, if she was a boy, she'd probably be better. 'Cause he'll be able to be freely, you know, he a boy, he can go outside and you can run away. I ain't gotta really watch you and put, you know, you know, you can do stuff that what she trying to do. I can't just let you off the leash.

She know exactly what I'm talking about.

She said eat you up and chew you out.

And everything.

The reason I asked her, do you regret having a daughter, is because sometimes in those mother-daughter dynamics, we feel like parents think like, oh, if I would've had the opposite sex, they would've been there to support me. Because this idea we have is, oh, mama's boy. So the boy's always gonna be there to protect mom, be there to support mom. And so I wanted to see if she saw her daughter as someone that was a burden or protector. And so by asking her that, it gave me clearly that it confirmed she's looking for support from her daughter and she's not getting it. Because in her mind, she thinks if she would have had a boy, she'd have got that support. Of course my son would have stepped up and did this. And the truth of the matter is, no, your son would have been a teenager and probably reacted the same way. Don't put these biased gender norms on your kids thinking like, well, the girl, she should be doing more. She would have did more if she's a boy. No. She's a teenager that's gonna be reacting because she's a child. She's a human being and that's what it is. I promise your daughter and you can have a good relationship. Do you want a good relationship with your mom? Tell her.

I want a good relationship with you. I wanna be back how we was.

Yeah, me too.

You do. Give your daughter a hug. Give your daughter a hug. I wish this family all the best of luck. Like honestly, I gave the support because I knew that it would help them today. To stop drowning and to maybe to be able to have better communication. And I believe in this family. You know, there's a lot of mothers and daughters that are going through this and that sometimes it's just a little support and a little love and hearing both of them that will help them to get to the next level. Listen, this is why I love doing my show, y'all. This is what we do. We have the hard conversations, it gets real, and then baby, we figure things out. I wish them the best of luck. Seriously, I really do.