We Just BROKE UP... Now How Do We COPARENT?! | Co-Parenting Unlocked: Ep 9 | KARAMO

Hey everyone, welcome to Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm your host Karamo. I'm here with the beautiful and the fabulous Stephanie Brooks, who just so happens to have a child with me.

We do.

We do. Hello. So today's episode is about couples that just broke up or are always breaking up, or maybe you never were really a couple and just in a situationship, um, or just had that fun one-night stand, y'all. You know, y'all kids like to have them situationships.

Oh, they do.

They love to have them situationships.

They do.

You like to have them situationships too.

What? No, I don't.

Girl, don't even play. Girl, don't even play with me right now. Girl, you know you love a little situationship.

But not a one-night situationship.

I didn't say a one night. But you like a situationship.

To be clear, like a couple months. Yeah.

No, it'd be a situationship that ain't never defined, girl.

You ain't lying.

You know, on my show, there's a lot of times that we have couples that come on that have had one night stands that turn into them having to be co-parents. And this is one of those clips. Y'all check this out.

She told me she was pregnant. I said, okay, all right, I'm gonna have my first child. She asked for money, I give it to her, you know, support. And then she just—

But I feel like in that moment, you could have at least, we could have at least moved forward with at least saying, hey, like, can we at least do a paternity test? Or let's, I just feel like instead of ghosting, there could have been something for you to be there for me instead of you just completely walking out.

It's just the you asking for money part. It's just problematic.

So why did the money part throw you? I know you said that before another woman had did this to you. Yeah. But why did that throw you?

How she broke it down to me, she was like, you can just financially be there without physically being there.

But going back before money was in the equation.

I've been buying things, which hasn't been the easiest. If you wanna Zelle this number or Apple Pay me, you know, help financially support our child, that would be very much appreciated. And then you say Happy Father's Day.

Before even asking for money, why from March to May we couldn't figure something out there when I sent you those ultrasound?

So did you tell them about the phone call we had when you first called me?

What was the phone call? Tell me.

When she first told me that she was pregnant.

Yeah.

When she told me, she told me that I didn't have to physically be there, just financially just support him. Then I didn't agree with that. I was like, if I'm gonna have a son, I'm gonna be in his life.

Yeah.

I'm going to go both ways. You feel me?

Yeah. Stephanie, you know, they from our town. They from Houston.

OK, shout out Houston. Hey, shout out. Yeah. For real.

I love H-Town. But no, seriously, like, this is crazy that, like, literally people forget that you enjoy that little one-night stand, a little situationship. If you're not doing it right, they'll be in your life forever.

Locked in for life.

Locked in for life.

Yeah. Ooh. That is—

I can't imagine if you was somebody I didn't like.

I don't know. I think about that often, actually.

That's really good.

I'll be like so grateful when I pray and thank God for things. Thank God for our relationship, the dynamic, the way it is.

Seriously, I think people really should think about that. Like sometimes, I had a girlfriend once, and she was going home with this dude at the club. And I stopped her, and I said, girl, I know you feeling cute right now. I know you feeling cute. And I know you use protection, but things happen. Yeah. And I want you to stop and look. And if this turned into your baby daddy, would you be happy with it? And she turned and looked at him. And she turned back at me. And she said, take me home. Sometimes you got to remind a friend, like, girl, this situation— this one night stand could turn— don't do it.

I'm so happy. I know she was glad you— looking back now—

looking back, she is very happy. We have talked about this situation a couple of times, OK?

Yeah.

Listen, we got a fan question from Jesse in New Orleans who says, how How can you co-parent when your ex-husband can't mentally let go of the past? My ex-husband is unstable. I feel like anytime we get to a place of being cordial, he brings up our divorce. Anytime he doesn't get his way, he flips out. It's gotten so bad that I just refuse to talk to him, but now my daughter, she's 6, notices that I won't even acknowledge him. He's a good father when he's happy, but every 3 months there's a new girlfriend, or he's so down that he can't even be present for our little girl. Can you help? This is not your issue to deal with.

Yeah.

I got to tell you, this is not your issue to deal with. Your only job right now is to set a clear boundary with him, to make sure he respects that boundary, and to make sure your child is prepared for all the shit that he does by helping them understand what could come without bashing him.

Right.

Because you can prepare a child about the other parent's behavior without bashing the parent. You understand? And I'll give you examples. You know, your phone needs to stay off. This is back in the day when you struggling, girl. You're not struggling no more, girl. We're not ashamed of our past. Your phone used to change. I talked about it. We talked about it on the first call, Pam. I'm going to tell you how the day I knew that Stephanie was serious about this healing growth. Sorry, this is going to be a little funny thing. Stephanie, her phone number used to change constantly.

Oh, God.

Girl, it's the truth, though. It is. It's the truth. Your phone number used to change. I had Stephanie in my phone as Stephanie 2005, '06, '10, November of '18. And I remember all of a sudden, the phone number stayed the same. I never once— bashed you in front of our kids for you not being stable at that moment. So for instance, they would say, mom's phone is off. And I would say, oh, you know what? We have another way that we're going to contact her. Give me a second. I just need to make sure that— they were none the wiser because it was never about letting them know that you were unstable at that time. It was about saying, I'm still on the same page. So there's another way we'll contact her without doing it.

Everything's OK.

So I was preparing them. And this is what I would say to them. I would say, listen. If we can't get in touch with mom right now, there's always another way we can get it. Just call me first and we'll make sure that we get in touch. This way I was preparing my child to know that sometimes your number might be— and you weren't a bad mom or anything, but we already know that. It was just to let them know that the number might be changed. This is when Jason wasn't in your house.

Right, right.

So for your child, if the father's unstable, you're going to prepare them without bashing him, but then to him say, you got to get your stuff together. And here's the clear boundary that I'm about to set with you. When it comes to us and when it comes to this child.

Yeah. Boundaries, period. That is over. You know, with consistency, every time a person come back to you, you give them the same answer. Oh. The same answer. When it comes to that—

Best advice.

Close the door. The same thing.

That's advice.

And then finally, ting-ting. OK, it's over.

Let me tell y'all something. This is the best thing I ever learned in life is when you argue, say one word and don't say nothing else. Because the more consistent you can be with what you say, it's going— listen. When I argue with people, I be like— No, that's not going to happen.

Mm-hmm.

But, but, uh, no, that's not going to happen.

But, but, but, but— I already told you.

No. And I say the same thing.

And it don't happen yet.

I'm not giving you 5 different versions of my no. I'm saying the same thing. And I think in this instance, stay consistent with your messaging.

Yes.

Listen, I like that. That's great advice. All right, everyone. So this next clip is a bit of a doozy. This couple was on and off again. And the mother in this situation, ooh, she went to some extreme measures. Y'all want to check this out.

Uh-oh.

We were going through some financial troubles and I felt like I was being the breadwinner and I ain't like that 'cause I just feel like a city girl. So I feel like I should be taken care of and I just didn't feel like I was being taken care of. So I did try to break up with him.

Okay.

And—

This is how in the beginning that you tried to break up with him?

Yeah.

This is like a month in, 2 months?

Yeah.

Okay.

When I first found out I was pregnant in the same week.

Got it.

So then I was like, oh, well you can come back I guess because I'm diabetic and I'm high risk and I already know how this finna go. I'm not gonna be able to work. I'm gonna be, I have a daughter already with someone else. So I already knew that he needed to be there, but he didn't come back. I was trying to reverse my car, but we were arguing, so I wasn't paying attention and it was in drive. So I ran my car from his car into their house. And as that was happening, now the police was coming down the street. So they saw it with they own two eyes and plus, Hold on, my producer told me this was actually caught on tape.

I wanna see what happened.

Girl. Yeah. Oh, she backed up and did it. Yeah, yeah, she out. She, yeah. Sis.

So why did you leave Naomi during her pregnancy? Honestly.

You see why.

I felt like I was. Okay, you see why? You see why? That, that, what? That was the straw.

And look at her smiling. Yeah, homegirl.

Yeah, hitting the net. Our business hitting the net. Oh yeah, okay. When you put it on the, your sister put it out there. No. Were you the one that called the police on her?

She think it's funny.

Who was the one that called the police? She called the police on herself. You called the police on yourself? Okay then.

Because I wanted the baby back, remember?

Yeah, I remember. I just wanted clarification just to see if maybe he had called the police before before you had called it. I heard you in the video saying, I called him. I heard it as you were reversing to go back.

Wow. Wow. I won't lie, I've had a person on my hood of my car maybe once.

You had somebody off the hood of your car?

I did.

Were you on the hood?

I never— no, me, I ain't jumping on no hood.

Yeah, you're very classy. I've never seen you in a situation where you get—

I'm mostly classy. I get ratchet.

I've never seen it when you got ratchet.

You don't know. I will rock— Karamo, first of all, OK, an ex of mine that I had that you were familiar with. Yes.

Ah!

OK. On the hood of that car.

I wish I could tell you to give a name, but legal goes through us.

On the hood of that car.

He was on the hood of the car?

Yeah, he was on the hood of the car because he and I got into an argument. This is right before we were breaking up.

Uh-huh.

But you know, like, you can feel it, like, it's breaking up. You got communal things and items involved.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we got to split up. So we had two cars. And the nicer of the two cars, naturally, you know, I've got the keys.

You're going to take it.

I'm me. I'm taking the car.

You're taking the car.

So I'm getting in the car. And I don't know, I've given him the keys to the other car. I've told him, hey, we weren't living together, so I told him, hey, you go here. You can take the keys to this car. I'm taking this one. I took the keys. I got down the stairs. I got to the parking lot. And I guess while I was getting down the stairs to the parking lot, his mind was getting crazy. And he was like, no, I want to keep the better car. I'm going to keep the car. I'm going to keep the car. Chased me down to the parking lot. I was like, move.

Move.

Watch your feet move. He didn't do it. The next thing, he jumped on that hood, and I hit the gas. But yeah, I won't deny it. I've had them days.

Oh, the things that happen when you're breaking up, and it just is not working.

And then to now have a baby involved with that type of thing, yeah.

Listen, people just got to really make sure that if you are going to co-parent, that you learn to break up peacefully.

Yes. And peace. Yes. OK?

It's the only way. That is the only way to do it. It is the only way. You really have to— breaking up as co-parents, you have to know how to do that because it will always come back to them children and to that family. It does.

It does.

And so my advice for anybody out there, if you're in a situation, anything going on, you about to break up, and you know that you're done, for the peace of your children— again, this is for your children's sake— I want you to stop for a minute. And create a plan for how you're going to amicably separate.

Yes.

So that it doesn't affect the children.

Yeah.

And then when you figure out that plan, you talk to the person about the breakup. Because the thing about going into a breakup when you need to still co-parent is the calmer you can be, the clearer your future will be.

That's right.

And so you have to remember that. I've always needed to know what I'm gonna do or what I'm gonna say beforehand because with you and I, if something goes awry, it just doesn't affect us. It affects everybody. It does.

Exactly.

Because can you imagine them kids would have came out there and would have saw, oh my God, they daddy on the hood of the car?

Oh my goodness. No, nothing. I probably would have never lived it down. But more than that, like, it would have shown like a division. We still had to go on.

Yeah. Yeah, do so.

We still had vested interest with, you know, with each other. So we still had to go on. But yeah, he was riding that hood for me.

Listen, I want to know from y'all, if you have broken up from a situationship, a long-term relationship, and still had to co-parent, how did you handle it? Or if you need my advice and want to come on my show, please bring it. And bring the receipts. I like a little messy video like that. Please bring the receipts. Okay, bring the— bring the— bring the ring cam video. I need to see. Okay, next time on Co-Parenting Unlocked. So one of the things that people always say in the comments is they think that DNA tests should be mandatory when a child is born. And I have very strong feelings on that.

You do?

What do you feel?

I have very strong feelings as well.

I think they should be.

Me too. That is how I exactly feel. Like, what? That would alleviate so much.