Where Did I Go Wrong With My Kids? | KARAMO

So please tell me what is going on at home.

I would call myself a gentle parent for the most part. My kids will laugh when I say that, but okay. So I have a tough way of speaking.

Okay.

Well, I'm gonna talk and then when I'm fed up talking, when they were younger, yeah, popped them on their butt. When they got older, both of them at least once have caught my paws because they test me.

So tell me, what is your feelings towards your children?

Without incriminating myself, I will do anything for my kids.

Okay.

Anything.

Yeah. So do you feel they take advantage of that fact?

Oh yes.

Got it. Was there a shift in dynamic with your children?

Oh yes.

Okay, what was the shift?

I will start with Dwayne. He's my oldest boy. He, I would say around 15, 16, it's almost like he started to be boasting. His voice got deeper. He started getting a little taller.

He started feeling himself a little bit?

He got into that growth spurt.

Did Grandma say he smelled himself a little bit?

A little bit, yeah. He's out there. Don't get me wrong, he's a good kid. It's just when I tell him to do something, if he's in his mode, he don't wanna do anything.

Got it.

And he's yelling, he's huffing and puffing. I'm gonna hear you breathe one more time and I'm walking over to you. And that's a problem for me. If I ask you to do something, I need you to do it. I don't ask you to drop everything right now and do it, but go and do it.

So when did you notice the tension with your daughter, Deja, right?

Deja was 17. I have one-on-ones with my children. Let me say that first. I have moments where I can say, Well, they can come to me and say, Mom, you're messing up.

Oh.

I don't like it. She was 17. She told me I was projecting. I was projecting my teenage years on her. I was a young mom. I was pregnant at 17, walked across the stage for my high school graduation 5 and a half months pregnant.

Good for you that you've made it through.

I finished school. I had a whole bunch of hiccups in between there because I didn't have the— no one taught me the drive on what you're supposed to do. Not just as a parent, but as a human going out there in the world. Like, how do you set your finances up? How do you start a career? I didn't want a job, but I was working jobs.

Yeah, yeah.

I can't even tell you how many jobs I've had because it's plentiful. I've had numerous jobs.

Yeah, you're 17 trying to survive.

They've never had to struggle for anything.

Got it, yeah, makes sense.

I've struggled. I've gone sometimes weeks without eating so my kids have food. I've made sure they had everything they need.

Is she mouthy to you?

No, not really. It's more so she's nonchalant about it.

She's nonchalant about it.

I'll tell her certain things like, okay, your curfew is 2:00 AM.

Mm-hmm.

I'm very lenient and you still can't make it home till 3:30, 5 o'clock in the morning?

This is the kicker.

She outside on the patio clearing her mind, collecting her thoughts. You tore up, you drunk, you're high, you should be in the bed somewhere. You not collecting your thoughts.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Oh, so she's drinking and high? She smoke weed?

Oh yeah.

I mean, I smoke weed as well.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, that's why I said, It's not a judgment, but it's also a question.

And she drinks more than she smokes. That's the problem. The drinking.

Okay, she drink and smoke when you're here.

You gonna be 20 this year and you have a tolerance of a man and you brag on that. She told this to her father.

Really?

What did he say?

Like, I get that me and mom, mom and daughter have a certain type of relationship. So I get that she tells me certain things and I express to her certain things your daddy don't need to know. Certain things your daddy don't want to know. Certain things I don't wanna know. And you tell me anyway.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

So I mean, just understand that certain things is for your friends and certain things is for your parents.

Yeah. You're trying to say that I have an open dialogue with you, you can come to me, but there's a boundary that needs to be respected. Well listen, it's time to meet your teenagers, I think. So everyone, let's welcome Deja and Dewayne to the show.

It's like when I turned 17, like how she said, it just started plummeting. Like we started getting into it all the time, arguing and everything like that. And it just, I don't know, like it just, everything just started being different.

Why did we argue though?

Because we had a lot of disagreements.

A disagreement about what?

We had disagreements about what she wanted me to do and what I didn't wanna do.

What did I want you to do and what didn't I? Be specific. Gimme an example of what we argued about.

Me cleaning certain things, what I wanted to do with my life and stuff like that.

Okay, so let's go to cleaning. What did we argue about with cleaning?

What I cleaned and when I cleaned it.

What you cleaned and when you cleaned. When did you clean?

When I wanted to.

When you wanted to?

You wanted me to clean when you wanted me to clean.

No, ma'am, I wanted you to clean, period. What was your comment you made to me when you was 18? Oh, I'm 18, I ain't gotta do chores no more. Ain't that what you said?

Yes, that's what I said.

So why do you feel that way and you still living in my house? In the largest room, mind you. In the largest room. Outside of the master, she has the largest room. In this apartment that we're in now, I was sleeping in the dining room area so my children can have their own space. I never made them share rooms.

Mama, we sharing a room right now.

Y'all sharing a room now, why?

Why are you sharing a room right now?

We sharing a room because you flashed out on me one day and I left because you said, if you don't like what I'm saying, you can get out.

So that makes you feel like you can go where? Where you going?

I left.

Where you going?

Where you at?

To my friend's house.

For how long?

I stayed there for a week.

4 days. 4 days and she was back in my house. And she left again after she broke curfew another time after coming back home. And not only did she come back home, she came back home to expect that king-size bed in that bedroom.

And you said no.

And I confiscated that shit. Yes, I did. Me and my 2 toddlers at home are in that room.

So hold on, there's a couple things there. First of all, I need to go back up just a little bit. So why did you end up leaving?

We had got into it like a day before, before the situation.

Okay, about what?

And I don't remember what it was, but we got into it and it was heated.

Do you feel like your mother treats you and your brother the same or differently?

Me and him?

Yeah.

We get semi the same treatment, but them other two kids is totally different.

What kind of treatment does the other kids get?

Those are her babies.

Those are her babies.

They're babies.

Well, they are babies. No, not like my babies, no, like those are my kids.

So if you tell me I treat y'all like I don't have no kids, those my kids.

You treat us like you're bigger kids.

'Cause you are, you walk around telling me you grown.

Mama, you say that those, your two younger kids are our replacements.

Why wouldn't I just kick you out then? Why wouldn't I just do that? If I'm gonna replace you with some new kids, these kids was playing. So if I'm gonna replace you with them, Why wouldn't I just get rid of y'all ass? If that's how you feel. I replaced you, you're my replacements?

Did you not kick Trey out?

What did I kick you out for? What'd I kick you out for?

I wasn't listening.

This man looked me in my face and told me, fuck you and my new kids.

Mama, that was the last time.

I'm talking about when we stayed in the apartment and you said that. I just said that.

When him and Karamo was getting into it, right or wrong?

When him and Karamo was getting into it, you talking about when we were staying together?

When we were all in the same apartment? Before I left and got my own apartment? Yes. He got into it with my ex. And I asked him, didn't I ask you what you wanted to do? Didn't I ask you, did you wanna go to your daddy or did you wanna stay here? Didn't I ask you?

I made a choice.

So you made the choice. So you didn't get kicked out, you're saying you made the choice?

Well, that time I made the choice. I've been kicked out before, but at that time when I got into it with my stepdad at the time, I made the choice to leave because it was kind of awkward.

Got it. And so Deja, what happened to Janet when we got home after your curfew? 'Cause I can see you're aggravated about something. What's going on in your mind?

This side be at home.

Yep.

My mama is very inconsiderate of a lot of things.

Okay.

My mama listens, but she don't hear.

Okay, give me an example.

Please. Like I told her like, hey mom, I got violated and stuff like that in January. And that was the only, like, I just told her about that time. And it was another time in December as well. When I told my mama, we was sitting at the bar at my cousin's house and I said, "Well, remember that time when I didn't come home and you were calling my phone and you were wondering where I was?" I told her, I said, "I was violated." And she lit a cigarette and was like, I was like, "Okay." And she started like, she had tears in her eyes and stuff like that. And I was like, "That's it?" And then she didn't say nothing and I got up and I walked off.

What was going through your mind at that moment?

I was molested when I was younger. This is a triggering fucking conversation for me. One thing I will not do is sit here and be ridiculed by my own child who knows I will go to the ends of the earth for you. You know it.

Mama, I didn't say no, 'cause I—

No, listen, you said, you just said your piece. Now listen to me. And the reasons why I didn't say nothing, because you know this already, if you felt like you needed more help, I'm not the one to help you with it, 'cause I ain't done with my own healing. And you know this. This is not something I need from you. So if you needed that healing, what you shoulda did was got yourself some doggone professional help, or reached out to me and said, I need professional help. How many times have I asked you, did you wanna go to therapy? Did you say yes? No. So how the hell am I supposed to help you if I can't help myself?

Jerry, my producers are telling me right now that when Deja told you, you also initially didn't believe her.

I never told her that.

Okay.

Still to the day, I never told her that because I have questions and I didn't want to ask her those questions and make her feel like her mama was going against her.

You did not tell me nothing. Now what I'm supposed to do? The second dude who she told me about came in my house with her little sister and her little brother in the house. Me in the house. You brought him to my house. I don't care what he threaten you with. You should have let me know that. I would've handled the situation, period. You don't bring him in my house and you continue to deal with him after that. You brought him in my house. I don't care about none of that. You want me to handle something? I'm gonna handle it today.

I see where the breakdown in this family has went. I see where it is. There is a part of y'all that is spoiled.

Oh yeah.

Great.

But, but, but.

It's her fault.

Yeah, I know this.

Let me tell you.

No, no, it doesn't matter that it's her fault because now y'all are, you're still 17, you grown. At the end of the day, you are at the age of 18. I wish I would've had the luxury to still be at my mama house. It was like, I was done. You gotta be out there, you gotta figure it out. I had 3 jobs, I had to do what I had to do. And so you have this luxury knowing that I can always come back and do what I wanna do because I know that I'm spoiled. I know she gonna gimme whatever I need. And you're younger, but you even have acknowledged that she's giving you everything. She's doing things for you. And so I do believe that you all need to have some self-realization as sister and brother and talk to each other and say, yo, we have it really good because I, good in the sense of having someone that is going to be there. I'm hearing when she says, get out my house. And I understand how that can trigger abandonment. It can trigger these feelings like you don't really want me. Especially if there's new kids that are coming in. So I don't wanna just dismiss your feelings. I can understand what you're feeling. So her words, yes, hurtful and are coming outta frustration. You also both know in your heart of hearts, she really don't mean it because she'll take you back in and she'll do everything for you. Am I correct? But what your mother is doing and how you all are responding to her is disrespectful and she does deserve better than that. So can you two acknowledge and at least apologize to your mother for your behavior? And tried to make the commitment.

Sorry I did all that. That was kind of dumb. It was.

What about you?

I apologize for coming to your house whenever I want to.

There is growth here, but at the same rate, now that she's about to be 20, new boundaries have to be set on your point. Right. And you have to do that.

You are right.

But there's a bigger issue. You came here to say, because you said, what am I doing wrong? Right. And I saw what you're doing wrong with your kids. What you've done wrong with your kids is those boundaries, first of all, but your kids are also telling you that the thing that you are admittingly and openly admitting that you, I can't give, which is affection, I can't give this, they're telling you that that's what's pushing them away and making and causing the disrespect. We've acknowledged the disrespect is wrong, but there's also something about a kid saying, I need affection. I need someone just to communicate. I'm 17, I don't know what's going on. You just told me you were 17 walking across the stage, 5 months pregnant, and you didn't have anybody to talk about with it and you didn't know what to do. And I'm also sure that caused you to be a little closed off, to be unsure of who you can talk to. And now you have a son that's grown up who's getting closed off and not sure who to talk to. You also have a daughter who I understand your own trauma and I'm sorry. Same way the first thing I heard outta her mouth when she said that she was violated, I said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you being violated." And that has to be acknowledged. But at the same rate, when you said, "I can't help you. I've never healed. What do you want me to do tomorrow?" Those are your words. There was a lot you could have did. And you started to hear the audience say it. Even though you didn't process your own trauma doesn't mean you couldn't have given her the hug that you wanted when it happened to you.

That's the thing that would've broken me even more.

I know, but I'm gonna tell you this, you think it would've broken you, but it probably would've healed you.

Yes.

I'm telling you because what we're afraid to sometimes face is the thing that actually is going to be the catalyst for us to get to our greatest point of healing in our lives. Yes. Because what would've happened is that the little girl in you then didn't get protected. What you've been always trying to do is protect them. And in that moment, by protecting her and showing up for her, your little girl would've been like, okay, now maybe I have to—

Not to protect her from the experience, but to protect her from the result of it.

Boom. Look at that. You got it. You already got it. Give this one a hug right now. Tell him you gonna shower him with affection. You know you love it. You know you love it. You know you love it. And I'm gonna say one last thing. They have been good with their mouth towards you, but their mouth is gonna be worse with other people 'cause they gonna mimic you. So I don't know how y'all talk to other people. Your mouth is bad?

I know it already. I've heard from other people how her mouth is.

So please, people forget that the words we say is part of that generational trauma. Your mama cussed somebody, cussed you out, you gonna cuss them out. They gonna start cussing people out. It has to stop somewhere. Yeah.

I don't wanna just end generational curses and start new ones. I gotta.

Exactly.

I needed your help to navigate. You got it, you got it. Well, I'm glad that I can help y'all and support y'all and I wish y'all the best of luck. Y'all gonna be all right. I believe it. Y'all gonna be all right. All right. Want more unlocked phones, DNA reveals, and family drama? Then make sure you're subscribed to the Karamo Show YouTube.