Why Women Cheat! 🌱 👀 🌱 | KARAMO

So we took a poll on the Karamo Show social media page asking why women cheat. And here are the results. 16% said payback, 7% said they're bored, 69% said that because they're unsatisfied in relationship, and 8% said because of an opportunity. Well, today we'll be hearing from 3 women who explain the reason why they cheat in their own relationships. Let's welcome them to the show. Shawntia says she cheats because her man cheated first. Shawntia, come on out. Hi. You look stunning. Thank you. How you doing, love? Thank you for coming.

Thank you.

All right. Ariel says she cheats because she no longer feels needed. Ariel, come on out. You look beautiful as well. How you doing? Nice to meet you. And Rachel says she's in an emotional entanglement because in her words, she says she's selfish. Come on out. Hi, love.

Hi.

So this is very, this is something we don't see a lot. Women saying, I came on the show and I cheat, is what it is. So Shawntia, why did you cheat from your words?

So I cheated because I was playing tit for tat. Well, we were playing tit for tat and he started a game. I'm not gonna be nobody's doormat. I'm not gonna let nobody run over top of me and I'm gonna give back what you put out.

Okay, and Ariel, why did you cheat?

I wasn't feeling sexy, I wasn't feeling desired, I wasn't feeling wanted, and I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to feel like that girl that I know that I am. I wanted to feel desired.

Okay.

That's why I went out and did it.

I understand. And Rachel, why did you cheat?

I feel like I cannot lust trust and love my husband at the same time.

Oh, interesting.

It's very hard.

So I wanna know each of you, and I'm gonna ask you directly, do you regret cheating?

No, absolutely not.

Do you regret cheating?

No, it was a lesson I needed to learn.

Do you regret cheating?

I don't.

Got it. So Shawntia, how did it make you feel when you were cheated on?

So I had to take a step back and kind of evaluate what I was doing wrong. I mean, maybe I wasn't bringing something to the table and it kind of further my self-esteem.

So by cheating, you realize I'm not doing anything wrong, this is about you. So I'm gonna show you it's not about me.

Clearly a narcissist.

Oh, oh, so you say he was clearly a narcissist?

Oh, absolutely.

Okay. And Ariel.

Yes.

Okay, you said that he used to make you feel bad. Yes. So why didn't you break it off?

There was a mix of things. I mean, with every relationship, it's complicated and complex. But I mean, we started off as best friends first. We were in college together. I knew I had betrayed my best friend and the man that I was in love with. Despite stepping out on him, I still loved him. I should have said too, we were living in London and so being a broke college student in a foreign country, I kind of depended on him for a place to live.

So you really stayed because of the finances?

Yeah. Mm. We were together for like 2 years after that.

Did you continue to cheat?

No, I don't continue to cheat. So what had happened, I told you he forgave me. A year later after he found out that I had cheated, he flew me to Venice and proposed. And yes, we got engaged. I was really excited, really happy. I was like, this man that I love, he's forgiven me. We're gonna have our happily ever after. A few months into the engagement, he gave me a phone call and broke it off. 'Cause he couldn't actually forgive me. He never actually got over it. And he didn't tell me that. And it broke my heart. It took a long time to get over.

To get over it. So Rachel, how long have you been married for?

We've been married 6 years.

Currently married right now, 6 years. And what was missing from your marriage?

It's hard for me to separate myself as mom and wife.

Yeah.

And then just be me, be Rachel.

So do you have an open dialogue with your husband?

We do. He's an amazing dad, an amazing partner. He's an amazing friend, but I see him as that. I don't see him—

In a sexual way?

Depends on the situation. So I don't see him as what I need.

So you tell him like, I need to go out there and get it.

No, when it comes about and I meet somebody that I have a connection with, If it turns sexual, that's where we have started to discuss where the boundary is.

Well, one of the things that I've heard from a lot of women on this show who have been cheated on, which is interesting to have you three women here being so honest and vulnerable, is that most women say what hurts me the most is not just the sex, it's when there's emotional attachment. And you are in emotional entanglement, so you're actually giving yourself emotionally.

Yeah.

So though you have a husband and you say I love him and he's great, you still are giving yourself emotionally to another man?

Yeah. I believe that my husband knows me a certain way and he treats me a certain way and he's amazing, but I'm never gonna be seen in his eyes as just Rachel anymore. And he feels the same way.

Well, what does that mean to be seen just as Rachel? Because isn't the person, and listen, it's not my place to judge. I'm just here to listen and hear. If he can't see you as your holistic person, if he can't see you for who you are, Then why are you in the marriage?

It's me.

It's you.

It's me that can't separate it.

Got it.

He sees me as what he sees me as.

As his beautiful wife.

Yes. And I desire that attention and that wanting and that lustfulness that I don't have. My home is comfortable. He's comfortable to me. He's my safe space. And I feel like I'm just a mom and I'm just a wife when I'm home. But then I get to have emotional.

And you acknowledge, you say this is selfish.

It is very selfish.

Okay.

It has nothing to do with him. We put this expectation on each other that you're gonna fulfill everything that I need. And that's hard. That's hard to have that expectation from somebody that you're gonna make me happy for the rest of my life.

Is that really?

And I feel like—

All y'all agreeing. Hold on. The funny part is they're all agreeing that yes, that's hard to put this expectation someone can make you happy for the rest of your life. You don't agree with that way, Shawntia?

I mean, the sexual expectations.

Yeah, that someone can't satisfy you for the rest of your life?

Yeah, no, I mean.

You done said it now, so you might as well tell us.

Depends on your, I mean.

Both of y'all go, come on, y'all can both talk.

It depends on, it's a lot. No, she is right, it is a lot because you're looking at your whole entire life and as a person, you both, and in that relationship, you're both growing. And you're both changing and evolving as you're getting older. And so that is a lot to put on just that one person. Like, you're gonna have to fill all my needs from here to eternity, no matter how I change, no matter how I evolve.

But isn't that what the point of marriage is, is for you to say, we're committed to growing and evolving together? Yeah. Yeah. I'm just asking.

Yes, that is true.

And I got a very, I got an honest question. So if the man was to say, well, You can't fulfill my needs and I don't think you're gonna be able to fulfill my needs for the rest of my life. I'm gonna go get this other lady here. Would you be okay with that?

Well, can we just communicate that?

I mean, open dialogue. So you'd be okay with it?

Open dialogue.

No.

So you wouldn't be okay with it?

I would be hurt. I would be hurt. But I mean, the fact that we're communicating that, I can't be that mad. Like he's talking to me about his issues and I'm talking to him and you know, that's a big part in being in a relationship with someone.

Okay. I wanna ask you a question. Does your husband get criticized because I'm around men, I play basketball, I'm on the court. I know how men talk to each other. And so when other guys hear like, oh, you let your woman go step out? She gets to have emotional attachments with someone else? Does he get criticized and how does he feel?

It's very hard to open up to people 'cause you're expecting that criticism and that judgment. He's in a place where he's actually talking to more of his friends about it and telling them what he's going through. And they're like, that might be the best thing for you guys, 'cause we wanna grow together, not apart.

Yeah.

And—

I wanna take it to the comments. Y'all got something to say? So what is your comment?

The concept of an open relationship is a little bit easier to settle on than cheating. I think that there's more communication, it's a little more direct, there's a goal on both ends. Both of you have that freedom and somebody is also agreeing to this dynamics.

So you're agreeing with what Rachel's in. You're saying that what she's doing with her husband of communicating honestly is fine.

Absolutely.

Okay then. So you have somebody who believes that what you're doing is fine. But I wanna ask you a question. So Rachel did say that if he fell in love, she's still growing, you've admitted that. She said if he did fall in love, your initial response was you would not like that because it conjured up fears of if he's leaving. So she did admit that him falling in love is a no-no. So how does that work in an open relationship when she's saying, oh, you can't fall in love, but we can be in emotional entanglement.

Right, so I don't think you are ready for the idea of an open relationship. I think you're committed to infidelity rather than just being open with your partner and having him have that same option as you.

I hear you, I hear you.

Do you think you're committed? Thank you so much. Do you think you're committed to infidelity more?

I don't know.

Huh?

The idea of it sounds amazing because we're able to Honestly tell each other what we want. It's a safe space, like I said. And we just haven't run into anybody falling in love.

Got it. But it's possible.

And the jealousy is something that we're gonna have a hard time with, but we want each other to be happy.

Okay. What's your comment?

You said that he cheated on you first, so that's what made you cheat. But I was just curious as to how you feel as though that made you better in the sense when you're pretty much doing the same thing that he's doing. Right.

Right.

I mean, I get that, but it made me feel better feel better.

That's real. She said it made me feel better.

It made me feel better, right? And piggybacking off what she said, I mean, she lost herself within that situation and so did I.

You wanna feel sexy, you wanna feel wanted, you wanna go strutting down the street like, yeah, I am that girl.

Yeah, but can't you build? But the question is, can't you build? Because it's the same argument I would have with a man who says, I'm gonna go out and do it. Can't you build that own confidence on yourself without saying I need to sleep with someone else?

For sure, for sure. But when you're in the moment, when you're living in that moment, All of that, listen.

When you have kids, it's not about you anymore, it's about your kids. So what you're doing, being married, have kids, and doing that is wrong. It is wrong.

That's your opinion, that's your opinion.

I wanna know, why do you feel it's wrong? She said it's your opinion, but why do you feel it's wrong?

Because when you give yourself to someone, you don't do stuff like that. If you don't want the person, divorce and just go. But don't be in a relationship and cheat. That's what you say, a lot of us don't do it. I don't do it, I never did it, and I will never do it. Because when you love someone, and you love something, You don't hurt it.

All right.

It's interesting that no one would say that men cheat because they have a lack of self-esteem. It's interesting how we put that on women of like, if you cheat, you have a lack of self-esteem.

I definitely would say that. I think that cheating is mental. I think that, you know, it's a part of the validation that we all need, not just women, men too. We're unsatisfied, obviously. We want, we're looking for something. We're trying to fill some type of void.

My husband and I have both agreed that we're never gonna get that initial spark back. We may find it in other areas of our life, but we're never gonna get that initial lustful feeling for each other. And we both agreed this and both talked about it, and it's a hurtful thing to be brought up, but we both agree and we're like, yeah, I see what you're saying.

Well, do you think that maybe that's because You all should be having a different conversation about maybe we're just not right for each other.

No.

And I say this, I say this. I'm not married, I'm not married, but it is my greatest dream to be married one day. I see my partner still to this day, and when I walk in the room, I'm like, oh my gosh. I literally walk in every day and I'm like, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. And I mean it from the bottom of my heart because the person I'm supposed to be with, yes, we'll have things that we need to grow through, but we should always feel like you're the one. Isn't there a relationship that you should be wanting or desiring that it's like you see your partner and you're just like, we want each other instead of saying, well, we know that we're not gonna have the spark, so we might as well go to other people.

No, there's no lack of sex in our relationship.

One of the things that I heard is that I kept hearing that it's about power, power. And then one person even said, we're at a stage right now where women want that power too. I'm gonna ask each of you, if you had a woman today in front of you who went through your experience, and she's looking at you right now and she's trying to decide if she should cheat or not, what would you say to her? Would you say yes or no?

No.

You would tell her no to cheat?

I would tell her no.

Would you say yes or no to cheat?

I would tell her yeah.

Okay, and what about you? If there's a woman in your situation, would you tell her that it's okay for you to have an emotional attachment to someone else?

I would tell her to communicate that with her partner first. 'Cause sometimes it is what you're lacking in your relationship.

Yes.

For me personally, I can't shut it off. I can't lust my husband and love him at the same time. So I look for things.

That's an interesting thing. I wish we had more time 'cause I love to get, I can't lust and love my husband at the same time. I've never heard that before from women, but clearly it is something that women experience. I appreciate your honesty and your vulnerability. I appreciate each of you being here because this is something where people will judge you for your choices. And I think that the more that we can have conversations about this, is the more that people will start to challenge themselves at home and say, hold on, is this something that I wanna experience? Am I okay with this? And also, how am I gonna relate to my partner if this ever happens?

It doesn't make it wrong or make it right.

I do still think there's a right or wrong. I will say that. It's not my place to say what's right or wrong, but everyone in their home, it is right, it's their place to say what's right or wrong. I do believe that. Thank you, give it up for them. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.