Why Won’t You Commit to Me? | KARAMO

Welcome to the show. Today's guest has been fighting for a title and a relationship from her man for the last 2 years, but she fears that she may never get that from him. See, she wants to go from bae friend to girlfriend. I know, right? All right, she thinks the reason she is a bae friend and not a girlfriend is hidden in his phone, and she has asked me to unlock it to find out the truth. Please welcome my guest Vanessa to the show. Hi, Vanessa.

Hey Karamo.

Vanessa, the outfit and the boots are giving.

Thank you.

They're cute.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hello, how you doing? She look cute, right?

I'm good.

Yeah.

Hi guys.

So Vanessa, let's go for it. How long have you been with Trevor?

Well, I've known Trevor for about, I would say going on 2 years.

2 years, okay.

But we have not been together at all.

Oh.

No title.

So what do you do? You say, oh, because he calls you Vanessa. Boyfriend, not girlfriend. The title of girlfriend. Why is it so important to you?

Initially it wasn't. Initially we both decided we was just gonna stay friends. We didn't want a relationship. But then as time went on.

Yes.

I caught feelings.

Yeah. Them feelings will sneak up on you in a heartbeat.

Did that. Definitely, definitely.

So why do you think he doesn't want to commit?

I'm guessing it's conflicting for Trev. He already had a previous relationship. The relationship came with two other kids and you know, he still feel a bond with them. I have three kids and Trev, he decided after that other relationship failed, he don't wanna date a woman with kids.

Oh.

So why do you wanna unlock his phone today?

Recently I actually by accident, 'cause I don't go through people's phones and stuff 'cause I know better. You might find something you don't wanna see.

That's how you been to me.

Right, we gonna ask you. But yeah, I wanna unlock it mostly because I see that he's still communicating, having like an open door with his ex-girlfriend. I'm not really insecure, guys, about it. Like, I understand that. I understand that like some people are friends with their ex. Everyone not gonna be okay with that. But for me, I told Trevor, I said, look, I understand that. Just run it past me first. First, if you're gonna be speaking to this person, let me kind of acknowledge that.

Yeah, feel included.

Right.

'Cause that keeps the trust there. All right, makes sense to me. Well, listen everyone, let's hear what he has to say about all this. Everyone, please welcome Trevor to the show. Hey Trevor, nice to meet you, man.

Likewise.

Yeah, good to meet you. I gotta tell you, other than like the title, Vanessa just painted a very lovely picture of you. You are dependable, you're showing up for her, for her kids. So I wanna know, how do you feel about what Vanessa just said about you?

I agree and I can't really go too, too far against, but with the whole thing with the ex, it was only a happy birthday text. Only?

What happened?

It can't be just only. Only, you know what I mean? Like, you know what I'm saying? You put it kind of like it's nothing.

When was your last relationship?

It was a couple of years ago, but it was for about 7 years.

7 years. And where does this last, this fear of commitment come from?

I'm scared a little bit.

Why?

Kinda fearful.

You not that scared.

What?

Really not. I'm not gonna lie, Karamo, 'cause he did tell me during the break he was thinking about making someone else his girlfriend.

Really?

Yeah. And it was shocking.

So what was it about this other person during the break that you were considering?

Right.

I knew this person for a long time, a very long time.

Uh-huh.

But I connected back with Vanessa.

Okay.

But my thing was how, when we were dating, right? Before we went on a break, how you was so sure and adamant about not dating, not being in a relationship, not wanting a woman with no kids, and turn around, we go on a break, now you ready for a relationship? How that work?

Did that woman have kids?

No.

She did not?

No.

So it was 'cause she ain't had no kids.

That was definitely a plus.

How is that a plus?

For me, because I wanna start, honestly, I wanna start my own family. Like, I don't wanna, you know, when you walk into a home that already has kids, then you have the extra people along with the kids, you know, fathers, But wouldn't you say you really love my kids though?

My kids, you know what I mean? Been around you for about 2 years now.

Vanessa, does that hurt you when he just said that it's definitely a plus if a woman doesn't have kids?

Right, this is the thing where I say guys is clueless about what they say sometimes. I don't wanna insult nobody, right? The wordplay is always the thing for women, right? So we hang onto that.

It's language. Language is important when you're communicating. Yeah. So does that help?

Right, like what in the misery? How dare you? Like for real, right? I got that from you.

I say what in the misery, girl?

Yes, we gotta coin that.

Coin that. Okay, what in the misery? Okay. I learned that from you.

Yes, yes. What is the misery, Trev? 'Cause for real.

What in the misery? Oh my God. But you're saying, are you still in contact with that ex whose kids you were involved with? Or this other one that you were thinking about being in a relationship with?

No, not the one that I had thought about being in a relationship with, but my ex that has the kids, yes, because I'm still a part of those kids' lives. But I don't have any type of feelings towards her, like being in love with her.

I still have love for her, but I'm not in love.

So what made you feel like you had to text her happy birthday? We had a long, we've been in a relationship for 7 years, so it's not just, thrown away, like it's just over all the way. Like the relationship is over and being in love with that person is over. But as far as that person had been a part of your life for that long, that's not the easiest thing to just—

Got it. Why did you decide to take the break from Vanessa?

Because she, You know, when we first started talking, I told her from the beginning I didn't really want a relationship.

Mm-hmm. It sound like y'all both had that agreement in the beginning.

Yeah, I didn't either.

Yeah. But did you tell her in the beginning that you didn't want to date a woman with kids? Yes. You told her that? Yes. Do you think you send mixed messages?

Honestly, I could see that. Because we always, always together. I have a lot of fun with her, you know, and my emotions be in it too. But it's just that I'm kind of, you know, at this point, I don't know, I'm kind of like, I got a little guard up. I don't know, the title thing, it gets to a point where You know, all right, like right now we have a great relationship, a great bond. I feel like once the title thing hit, it's going to be an issue.

Why is that something that you feel like it's going to be an issue?

Because it's happened before.

It's been an issue for you in the past?

Yes.

All right, so one of the things for me is that you did say you wanted to unlock the phone to get the results of his phone to see if he's talking to anybody else, right?

Correct.

You know, on my show, we like to go through phones. We like to go through text messages. We like to go through apps. We like to go through messages. We like to go through everything. So me unlocking this phone, what would this do for you?

Shed some light on some things. Should I move on or not? Should I stay? Should we, do we have something to work out? Are we wasting each other's time? What? Like, you know what I mean?

Yes.

But why would we be wasting each other's time?

You don't want somebody that has kids. We already invested, my kids invested, you know what I mean?

Yeah, well let's first get to this unlock the phone. So Trevor refused to unlock his phone. He told us that there's no need for us to go through his phone. Trevor, what was the reason that you decided not for me to unlock your phone?

Why wouldn't you unlock the phone, Tre? Like, what was that about?

'Cause I still had, honestly, I know I still have some things in that phone, but—

Some things in that phone like what?

Like stuff from my past. And I wouldn't want her to see those things.

Oh, where he was on the break, I guess.

When you're on the break. I will tell you this right now is that this is not unfortunately the man for you because the reality of it is, is that you, sir, have an issue with stringing women along by sending these mixed messages, these signals of like, there could be, maybe, I don't know. Look, I'm a nice guy. I'm gonna be there for your kids. Look at this, I love you. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. You gotta stop that. You gotta stop that because you're playing with multiple hearts. You're playing with her heart, you're playing with the kids' hearts, you're playing with your ex's heart, you're playing with her kids' heart. There's a lot of hearts that are broken because you can't send a clear message, because you can't clearly communicate. And then also not only clearly communicate it, you can't make the decision to walk away fully. Mm. Woo! You understand what I'm saying? I'm having a blast. You gotta stop this. Let me tell y'all what I do. This is what I used to do when I was in private sessions. I would take notes and I'd say, hey, do you remember when you said definitely a plus? Do you remember when you said parents? Do you remember when you said I have a fi— I'm only writing down what you say. This is all your words right here.

Right, right, right.

You understand? Yeah. That's all I'm saying. And the reason I'm not gonna bash you right now is because you showing up for this woman. Like I just heard she was in an abusive relationship. You showed up and I appreciate you as a man to be able to say, "I'm gonna be there." I appreciate the fact that you still being there for these other kids and for her kids because I know how hard it is for single moms sometimes. But the thing is that you can still be a supportive friend and not lead her on. And that's what she deserves. She deserves support but not to be led on. Apologize for leading her on.

I apologize for leading you on.

You think you led me on or what? Like, so you really don't wanna be with me?

I'm willing to see where, you know, Trevor, you said on the first date you don't want a woman with kids.

I know, but I guess this kind of was like a therapy session.

That's what we do here on the Karamo Show. That's what we do here. That's what we do here on the Karamo Show.

And like I said, some things is not so conscious.

I get it.

And just like just now when I just was talking to you and you pulled your notepad out.

Listen, and that's why I get it. That's why you're like, I don't think You think I led you on or whatever. That's why I said from the minute you walked out, I only heard good things. I don't think you're a bad person at all. If you are serious, can you commit today and give her a title and say you're my girlfriend? If not, just move on, leave her alone.

[Speaker] I wanna take a stab at trying to No.

Be a little bit more sincere.

Real relationship.

Oh, try it again. I want you to start again. I'm gonna take a stab at it. Anytime you stab something, what's that exactly? Be a little bit more sincere with it. You could say, I've been hurt before. I made unconscious decisions that I didn't think was gonna hurt you, but now, and I'll let you fill it in from there.

Now I wanna change that. And I want you to be my girlfriend.

Girl, he a good man. Say yes, girl. He a good man. Say yes, girl. Yes, of course I'm gonna say yes.

Is it organic though? It's organic or 'cause we on this show? 'Cause I wanna know, like, you know.

We going home together.

We going home together, baby.

Here's the thing, I would say this, even, I know you have that question, that fear because of the past, but what you have to do right now is that you have to trust it and accept it. And if he shows you anything different, you go, you say, nope, I'm done.

I'm gonna jump ship.

Jump ship.

I'ma ditch him.

But right now, but right now I'm telling you, go ahead and trust this. That's your man, that's your boyfriend. That's your boyfriend. That's your boyfriend. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.