Will Our Marriage Survive Your Cheating? 😞 💔| KARAMO

He wanted me to, I guess, be more submissive and I wasn't. I was more of, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do and you do what you do, but we can still coexist.

Okay.

But eventually, eventually once things went on, he ended up joining the military and then that's where things got like worse.

Does Darius listen to you when you voice your concerns to him?

Sometimes.

What does he do in those times when he does not listen?

His body language. He got this thing where he'll put headphones in when I'm talking to him and I'm like, who you talking? Like, you need to listen to me.

Yeah.

So that pisses me off 'cause I'm like, if I'm trying to talk to you, what you putting your headphones in for? That make me wanna snatch 'em out your ear so you can listen to me. So then he's like, he go through this thing where he's like, well, I'm trying, I'm trying. I can't lie with it. I do see him trying. I do see him like—

Well, that's good acknowledgement. You see the man trying.

Yeah, I do, but he need to try a little harder. We've been together, like, I met him when I was 19. We got married at 20. He was 21. I'm 29, he's 30.

So y'all were young, okay.

Yeah, and I feel like there was a lot of things that happened with us too because of the fact of since we met when we was so young, oh my God. Since we met when we was so young, it was like, Everything went so quickly. We got married and then like a year later I was pregnant. And once that took place, we became parents. So we stopped connecting and started being parents. So then he went into the service. So then—

So after the service, is that when you felt like the conflict really started between you all?

Mm-hmm.

So after he got back, that's when the communication was done. What do you think will happen at that time?

I think that The environment he was around and in that world, like once you become a military spouse and you see some of the things that go wrong, like there are sergeants and stuff that like encourage cheating. It encourage you to not listen to your wife, to take charge and do those different things. And he wasn't, I guess at first he was trying to fight against it, but eventually you just kind of give into what your surroundings is.

And he's been unfaithful to you? Correct?

Yeah, one time.

One time?

Mm-hmm.

When was that time?

After I had our daughter, I found out about the other girl. And that's the kicker, he told me. And that's why I forgave him because I looked at it as a lot of men not coming home telling their wives they cheating on 'em. So I had to take that into consideration. I was like, you know what, maybe he did feel sorry for what he did and that's what made me forgive him. But I didn't instantly forgive him. I left and stayed with one of my best friends to figure out what I really wanted to do.

So when y'all argue, my producer told me he walks away.

Oh yes.

Does he come back to try to solve the, resolve the issue?

No.

He just walks away?

He walks away. I mean, his mom suggested that give him time, give him space to cool down, let him come back. And that's what I do. But how Dee get down, he don't never come back. I'm more subjective to, Okay, let's try to work things out. He more of a just forget it. And I'm like, well, if you really care about the relationship, why don't you wanna work with me?

So because you give more of yourself emotionally, you feel like you love him more?

Right.

Okay, so you define love through emotions?

Mm-hmm.

Got it. Just wanna make sure. Listen everyone, Darius thinks there's a communication issue in his relationship because Charity is too aggressive from his point of view and does not respect his time. Everyone please welcome Darius to the show. Hey, Darius. Hey.

How you doing, man? Can I have a hug? Yes, sir.

There we go, man.

Absolutely.

So Darius, I gotta ask from you, how does your wife communicate with you from your point of view?

From my point of view, it's just a little aggressive. I feel like she constipates the situation in her head before she comes at me, and it's like you battling yourself so much When you come up to me, you're fed up already.

Is that the truth? Do you feel like you do that?

No.

You don't pump yourself up beforehand?

She a thinker. She thinks before she reacts. So yeah.

That's true. I do.

Oh yeah.

I premeditate stuff, but it's just—

You know you're confirming what he just said, right?

Absolutely.

'Cause if you premeditate, you ever heard like premeditated murder?

Yeah.

I know what you gonna do. So I already play out how it's gonna go. So I try to take the high road, but sometimes my thug side come out and then it overpowers what I originally wanted.

Right, but how can you judge somebody before they even make the action? That's prejudice. You can't prejudge. Come on now, you gotta give me a chance. Give me a chance to do right first. You know what I mean?

What are some of the things that your wife has said to you while arguing?

One of the things that really stick with me is she be like, "If you was a man, then you would do this," or, "You would act like this if you was a man," or, "My uncle would never do that." 'Cause he wouldn't. So yeah, just—

Don't confirm. But my uncle— Don't do a confirmation.

She can own up to it, I'm gonna own up to mine, so.

You said earlier that he walks away when you are in an argument. Where do you learn that behavior from?

I guess I just picked it up. That's just something I learned, you know, when I just have enough of a situation, look, I'm outta there. You know, ain't no point in me, well, I'm sticking around for what we sitting here fighting for.

What do you need from your wife?

I need you to respect me and I need you to calm down when you talking to me, you know?

But I do.

No, you don't. You not now.

I am, come on. But I do.

That's not calm.

Okay, and that's what I'm saying too.

That's not calm.

Just 'cause I'm a little, spicy don't mean that I'm not listening. That's just my personality. I'm very big on what I say and I don't like to be hushed or, that's just me.

Y'all are communicating from resentment. Y'all were young kids that got together and fell in love and things happened that damaged each of you and you never were taught or never learned how the other person needs to be communicated with and how the other person needs to be loved. And so if you're gonna reconnect, Y'all are gonna really have to figure out a way to first of all, let go of the past.

Yeah, I agree.

You agree? You're gonna have to let go of the narratives you're telling yourself over and over and over again.

Right.

What are some of the narratives you're telling yourself about him? 'Cause I have a list of them here. But what do you think they are?

One of the biggest ones, she keep on saying I'm too friendly with females. Like I ain't rude or nothing like that, but I don't think I'm too friendly with every female. You know what I mean?

With every female, very specific language.

Yeah, very specific.

But that means that you also know that you're friendly with some.

Of course, I mean, ain't we all?

That's just that right there.

I'm friendly with some guys too, you know, I'm not an angry person. Like, hey, how you doing? You know what I mean? Like, I was brought up like that, you know, I just, I speak to people.

I'm feeling if you gonna be like that, you need to be like that with dudes too. You need to be, hey, how you doing? Just like you doing that female.

But he just said he is, but this is the thing.

Not everyone.

This is the thing, there's that resentment there. That's coming from the past that brings it up. You two at this point are committed to some dysfunction that's happening right now. And y'all have to uncommit from this dysfunction because y'all have been practicing this back and forth over and over and over again. You'd realize that, right?

Yeah, it's definitely been back and forth.

Y'all practicing it.

And again, we match each other's energy, so.

Why is there not a third option where you don't match her energy?

Right. That's a good question. And I try to work on that, but it ain't, you know, that's not my first instinct.

I know, but the thing is, when you say I'm gonna try to work on that and then give me a but, it means that you're still going to be so stuck on what you wanna do that you're not gonna focus on that.

Just stick on I'm going to make it. It's that I fear that I am going to resort back to what I did. Not that I plan on it, you know, that's first nature.

I believe in you. I actually believe in you more than that. And so I think you have to believe in yourself more than that.

Right.

But as well for you, you have to really look at, I know you said that like, I'm allowed to be a little bit more sassy, but the fact of the matter is, is that yes, you are allowed, but if you snapping back is causing dysfunction in your relationship, which is then causing your daughter to see it, then you have to reflect on yourself as a woman. Is it worth it to then snap back? I saw you do it a couple times here.

Right, but I don't do it all the time.

It doesn't matter whether you do it one time or twice, that's the same exact, that's literally the same, and I might let you hear it. That's the same thing he just said about him being friendly with women. But I don't do it all the time.

Right.

Oh, oh, oh, you saw what just happened there? A light bulb went off. That was a light bulb. No, no, no, that was a light bulb. That was a light bulb.

But I think it's like—

Nope, you can't say yin and yang. It's not—

I have been in my relationship, I have listened and I have not been so spicy is what I'm saying. I have not done all of that.

Just like he said.

But you need to change with me.

Hold on, you did hear what I said to him first. I gave him a third option.

Right.

So it's not that I'm saying that he doesn't need to change, but you also have to look at your own actions.

So you want me to be spicy no more?

What I want you to do, what I want you to do is I want you to ask yourself, Is being spicy in this moment going to serve my relationship? Is it gonna help us be better? Is it going to make my daughter see a healthy relationship? What is the spiciness in that moment? I'm not telling you change your personality, but we all have a choice in a moment that's going to have direct consequences.

Right. I agree.

Do you really want to be with your wife?

Yes, absolutely.

Tell your wife.

I absolutely wanna be with you, spend the rest of my life with you. I swear to God.

Now tell your wife, I'm committed. To doing a third option. Repeat the words. I'm committed.

I'm committed.

To doing a third option.

To doing a third option.

Which is staying.

Which is staying.

And speaking to you respectfully.

And speaking to you respectfully.

Okay.

Vice versa, it's your time. Can you make a commitment to him? Can you make a commitment to say, I'm going to respect you as my husband and I'm going to try to allow myself to not be so spicy if it's not gonna serve the relationship being better.

I can do that.

Make the commitment. I don't feel like I need to tell you the words. You do a lot of self-reflection.

I'm going to be more aware of my actions and not be so spicy. I'm gonna pick and choose my battles. And what else?

You got it right there.

Yeah, it's perfect. I love it.

Look at that. He just said it's perfect right there. I'm just telling y'all. You're a beautiful couple and the communication issues that y'all are having is not so far off. Just remember those commitments, okay? And try to be better for yourselves. But if you can't, remember your daughter, please. Let that be a force, okay? I wish y'all the best of luck, okay?

Okay, thank you.

You're welcome, you're welcome. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.