In this episode of the Karamo Show, host Karamo mediates a tense conversation between Jimmy, a gay Black man, and his mother, who has been emotionally distant since Jimmy came out. The dialogue reveals a deep communication gap, with the only contact historically being letters, indicating a longstanding disconnect. Jimmy discloses a childhood sexual assault at age five, which he says has shaped his sense of self, and he mourns the loss of his grandmother—the only family member who made him feel "normal"—which intensifies his isolation. The mother repeatedly avoids saying the word "gay," reflecting denial and a lack of understanding. Karamo observes body language, highlights the mother’s reluctance to discuss sexuality, and repeatedly emphasizes the need for education, patience, and empathy. He encourages the mother to acknowledge her shame, to be willing to learn, and to express love without judgment. After a break for the mother to speak alone with Karamo, the mother apologizes and embraces Jimmy, marking a tentative first step toward reconciliation. Throughout, Karamo weaves his own perspective as a Black, Christian man who has navigated similar challenges, underscoring that education and unconditional love are essential for healing family rifts related to sexuality and gender identity.
Chapters
Let me tell you something. Little young me that watched daytime TV, ooh, back in the '90s, 2000s, couldn't imagine— well, dreamed— being Black and gay and be able to sort of Black and gay man on daytime TV. This is called evolution.
I haven't had a bond with my son since he was a little boy. He makes me feel like I'm a bad mom.
So when this episode came up, I thought immediately, this is a story that A lot of people understand. So many families who have had generational differences where a mother is like, I don't have a relationship with my child because of how they identify sexually. And the child's like, I want a relationship, but I can't talk to you. But this one was extreme.
That G-A-Y topic.
Every time this mother said G-A-Y and she could not say the word, I was like, oh, there's some deeper, deeper issues and education that needs to happen.
I was raised that that was wrong. I want her to look at me more than just my sexuality. I'm not gay, I'm Jimmy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have you ever been close with your mom?
When I was younger, my mom and I were very close.
How do you communicate with her?
Letters.
How long have you been writing letters?
I've been writing letters since the moment that I could spell a word.
I thought it was very interesting that the only way that this mother and son communicated was through letters. It shows that there was already a disconnect for me that you couldn't really even talk to your mom just to say what you're feeling. So you had to write it down, which is okay. You know, I'm not knocking it, but it also gives me a signal like if I can't talk to you and I can only write to you, that means that there's something that means that there's blocking us from being together.
I believe she loves me, but I don't think she loves every part of me.
Ooh, that's sad. I believe she loves me, but not every part of me. That's hard for a child to say about their parent.
I don't care. You have made me feel like I've done something wrong. I was sexually assaulted when I was 5. That affects a child major. And so whether I want to be this way or not, that is how I am. I feel like that affected me. But even if that didn't happen, I was born this way. This is not a choice that I made. I don't want to be ridiculed.
Got it. So I know that you were in college.
Right.
And that you had to stop because your grandmother passed. Right. Correct? And so you moved outta your mom's house. I'm sorry. What made you emotional right there? Here you go.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay. Poor baby.
I'm so sorry.
He's grieving. Poor baby is grieving his grandmother. And it's like you have a parent that is supposed to be there to love you, and the one person who did love you and accept you is gone. Give me a hug, give me a hug, give me a hug. What happened? What just happened?
My grandma is the only person that's ever made me feel like I'm normal. Got it. When she died, I don't have anybody. Nobody can look at me.
Here, come back out with me. I'm sorry. No, you do not need to apologize. Let me tell you what I'm gonna teach you right now. First lesson is you don't apologize for your feelings because you are just like every other human being. You're entitled to your feelings and you're entitled to express them and be who you are. Yes, sir. So you don't ever have to apologize for that. Let me tell you something, little young me that watched daytime TV, ooh, back in the '90s, 2000s, Couldn't imagine, well dreamed, but like being Black and gay and be able to sort of Black and gay man on daytime TV. Girl, let me tell y'all, this is called evolution.
But really I just feel like me going to college, I was out of the way. She didn't have to deal with me anymore. That embarrassment of your co-captain cheerleader son that got prom king and did all these great things in high school. You don't wanna look at him anymore. Because it's not the son that you imagined.
Got it. The mother's reaction backstage, she's like, "I don't know what you're talking about." I'm like, "Okay, well is there another side to this story?" Even though she can't say the word gay, is there something that I'm missing?
Yeah, denial is a river in Egypt. It is not true. It is not true. I supported you in cheer and all. Mama, it's not cheer. It is not cheer. It is me. I don't care about the activities I do. I love him, but I don't have to like what he does. You don't, but you have to respect it. You have to respect it. I'm not asking you. I don't disrespect it either. I take up for him. That is not—
See, this is where I saw that there was a breakaway that we could help her to have education and to understand. The fact that she said, well, it's not that I don't respect it, but I don't disrespect it. I was like, okay, there's a way in there that I could try to help her to have education. The little language like that lets me know that is this person open to receiving a little?
I don't like to be judged. Why do you think I don't want— He showed me how to talk. Mom, I was sexually assaulted. How was I supposed to know that? If nobody tell me. Ask questions, pay attention to your kids. I'm not saying anything bad. I just want you to get better so my siblings don't have to ever go through anything like I did.
Look at the body language. He is sitting in the corner of his chair. This lets you know that this, he is so disconnected, he is far away.
You constantly telling me G-A-Y. That is not a thing. G-A-Y, gay. It's gay. I don't want the little one saying it. Walking around saying it.
She says she does not want her little kids to say the word gay. The fact that is very telling. She doesn't want her younger kids to say it.
You are in denial. What makes you think that I have it? Mama, you can't even look me in my eyes. You have not hugged me in years.
Jimmy, I want to give you a second to take a break in the green room, and I want to talk to your mom alone. What I realized is that with his pain, it was never going to allow me to be able to try to break through and give her some type of education. So I asked him to leave. Do you have any shame in your heart that you have a gay child?
No, I'm not ashamed of him. I'm not ashamed of him at all. I never have been. I was raised in a home to where it was wrong and that's it. And I don't speak on it because I don't know, I don't understand. I don't understand it. So I—
Key. She says, "I don't speak on it because I don't understand it," which is why she won't say it. She won't bring it up because she doesn't understand. Are you willing to learn about his experience as a gay man?
What do I gain from that?
You gain more understanding of your child.
I don't understand what you mean about learning.
So part of who your son is is he's a gay man, which means as he gets older, he's gonna have a relationship friendship he's going to have. Just like, see, what I'm trying to model for her is patience, to understand that education is super important when you're learning. You know, a lot of times we want people to accept who we are and be unconditional, and that's what life should be. But unfortunately, people sometimes have mental blocks if they don't have the education, so they don't understand why they should learn about something that they feel like they've taught their entire life. They don't have to learn about.
I don't want to feel decent from Yeah. 'Cause I do love him. Yeah.
I know there's love in your heart, but I also understand and have empathy for the fact that you were raised a certain way and that you were taught a certain thing. I actually, because I've been through it and I've grown past it and also because I'm also a proud Christian man, I also can very clearly see I can say to you, I see it. I understand what you've been through. But I can tell you if you really wanna be able to get that relationship with him, you being able to say that I'm willing to learn will be a big step.
I am. And I think that's a big issue that I don't speak about it. I don't talk about it.
Yeah.
And I think that's why he feel like I don't accept him because I won't talk about it or whatever.
Yeah.
I accept him. That's just not something that I wanna sit and talk about.
Yeah. And through education, you'll learn more and then maybe you might become more comfortable. What we just saw here is that just a little patience and meeting someone where they're at, it allowed her to start to absorb and understand what we're talking about. And I think this is not something that I suggest for anyone else to do. This is why I always say sometimes we're in a place where we are being hurt by someone else, we allow ourselves to feel like we have to be the one to fight. But it's like, it's not your job to fight. You live your life and be happy. And for those of us who have made it through, it's our job to then support. It's our job to be there to help you. Look at this. After all these years of conversation, I'm sorry and a hug. And what they just did there is they took the first step in mending their relationship.
I wanna be able to have a relationship. I just wanna open up, but I can't. I don't know how to, but I'll work on it. I will too.
Ooh, we doing the Lord's work over here on the Karamo Show, okay, y'all? Y'all ain't know. I just hope anybody at home who's going through this can understand how important education is. This is not just about sexuality. This is not just about gender identity. About who we are holistically. Sometimes there's part of us that other people don't understand, and we have to just be able to help them to find education. If we're not in that space to do that, it's not your job. You don't have to. But hopefully they can find somebody who will help them get that education, because through that education and patience is where the growth happens. Like I always say, come to the Karamo Show so we can keep talking and we can keep growing.
