James gives Dee Dee direct work advice that makes her feel insecure about her drag performances. Karamo suggests they start feedback with what went well, frame critique positively, and plan next steps together. Both say acknowledgment makes notes easier to hear.
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Hey James, you're on air with Karamo. Please tell me your tea. Welcome back to another episode of 1-844-KARAMO, where I'll be taking calls from viewers just like you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. He's a drag queen in New York City, and I've worked in fashion and marketing for nearly 19 years. OK. And the way that we talk about his work creates issues for us.
Can we get Daniel on the line? Because I want to hear what Daniel has to say about the advice that James gives him. Hi, Dee Dee.
How are you?
So I just heard that you are an amazing drag performer, Dee Dee, and that you sometimes ask James for advice, and then It's not received well. Give it to me from your point of view.
When I'm looking for feedback or I'm asking a question about some advice of some sort, it feels like we're not speaking the same language. I think James, with his training and his experience, wants to fix things or give very clear black and white advice. And I don't respond well to being told, like, what to do like that.
I think the thing here is that, James, you're not hearing your partner, and I'm so sorry to tell you that.
I am not good at saying some of the things that seem obvious, and I totally trust his vision. And in the end, I don't actually care if he takes my advice.
When you make your statements or withdraw, you your enthusiasm, it affects him deeply. Am I speaking correctly, Didi? It starts to affect how you feel?
Once I am in full drag, once I get on the stage, if he's not there, if he's not in the audience, that is behind me and I have to convince myself that I am serving the best I can serve in this moment. But if he's in the audience and I didn't make the choice that he wanted, I'll be a little bit insecure about what I'm providing. But when I don't follow the advice, it makes me feel like maybe I've disappointed you or I could have done better.
I think maybe, James, a great solution would be acknowledge first all the things that he's done well, because then it makes him understand, his own words, that you see that he is choosing to do great. It also takes away that thought in your mind that maybe he could be more successful if you acknowledge first, like, oh baby, like, and I know you do this because he just said you show up at his shows. I know you're supportive, but if you're able to say, you know what, I can see what you did here and it's amazing. I love everything about it. I see that you got a vision here. What do you both think about that?
Yeah, it's making sense to me that acknowledgement of context and acknowledgement of what already has been set into motion. And by James acknowledging that and seeing that, then when he does give a note, even if it is just the belt needs to be black girl, then I'll be like, okay, since he understands the whole context of it and understands where we are going, then okay, I totally get it.
I get—
I can take in the note better.
James, I'm going to tell you something. In my relationship, I'm you. That's the sad part. What happened? I'm you. It's so much fun.
Well, but that's why you are— you see him.
And that's why I see him. And I understand. I get it. And I see him because I'm like, I know he's not a bad guy and I know it's all coming from love, but I also understand having a partner who's a creative, under— meaning that I have to acknowledge all of their work, all of the context. And sometimes me wanting to give them advice or tell them how to get to that next step is not received in the way because of the fact that like they're on their own journey, they're in their own process. And even though they respect my advice, it's my job and my duty to make sure I'm acknowledging their growth while also believing in them. Because when you said, I think it could be more successful, he gets in his own way. What's getting in his way right now is your critiques. And I think that the more that you encourage him, acknowledge it, talk about the future in a way that's going to be more optimistic and sort of like, let's plan together. I think that his career will even flourish more.
Our relationship works on every other level. And you know, I, I see a future with him. Yeah. I think getting to a better place where we can chat about work. Can I go to the wedding? Can I go to the wedding? Girl, you, you can officiate it.
Girl, girl, don't play with me. You got my word right now that I will.
Listen, does anyone have a ring?
Listen, I wish y'all the best of luck. Thank you so much for calling in. I appreciate you both so much.
Thank you, Karamo. Thanks for your advice.
Have a good one, y'all. Don't forget to keep coming back for more 1-800- 444 Karamo.
