Your Family Denied Me For 41 Years | KARAMO

Hey friends, welcome to the show. My guest Hadassa says that she needs my help discovering the truth with her 41-year-old DNA mystery. Hadassa says her mother was 16 years old when she was born and her alleged father, Sean, was only 14. Sean's family has never accepted her and this is the first time that her mother and alleged father will be in the same room to have this conversation. And Hadassa is ready to get some answers. How are you doing? Oh, I'm gonna give you a hug. You said you don't know how you're doing. What's going on? Talk to me.

Of course I want the answers. I just, I don't think I expected. I'm overwhelmed.

Of course.

I'm dysregulated, I guess that's the word. I'm, yeah.

It makes sense. It makes sense because this is 41 years. Of so much pain that you probably experienced. So you heard what your mom had to say. How are you feeling about what she was saying?

I don't think all of the blame lies solely on Sean. They were kids. It was messy, it was nasty. Yeah. But I'm 41 and I've been asking for this. I've been asking these questions from her. For years and we can't ever kind of get to a resolve with it because it turns into like this huge emotional combative thing. So I usually end up having to like put what I'm feeling away to kind of address, 'cause she was 16. So I put myself in the mind of a 16-year-old girl finds out another girl is pregnant, then your baby's like, so I'm there all the time, but all this time while I'm, understanding for everyone else. I've just been like in limbo.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

No, it's okay. You're doing a great job. So what does this DNA outcome today mean to you?

Clarity, peace, and I'm hoping some major healing.

Yeah. Well, listen everyone, I think it's time we meet Sean and hear what he has to say about all this. Everyone, please welcome Sean to the show. Welcome to the show, sir.

I didn't know no better. I knew all the time she was mine.

So then why did you tell your family that Hadassah wasn't yours?

Being scared. You know, I go tell 'em, man, I got in physical fights, not, you know, arguments, you know, over her saying that she's mine. But they had it in they mind. But then this also played a part. I met her mother through a friend. After me, her mother started messing around with one of my brothers, to my knowledge. But he is not your father, you know? There's no way possible. You was born way before he came in the picture. It's just after the fact that she kept coming over to the house, he going over to see her. That's why my family have real bitterness about this.

Adassa has said that you only showed up at 12. Where were you at the beginning of her life?

I was in and outta jail.

Okay.

Running the streets.

So, but you still pay child support, why?

Why do I pay child support? Because I ain't wanna go to jail.

So you showing up was more about a necessity not to go back to jail?

I'm just trying to do right. I used to sneak around over there. She used to wake up some mornings, she'd see me there and she'd be happier than I don't know what, you know, to take her to school.

Yeah.

Thing with me and her mother, I had love for her. I mean, she did right, but she lied to me also. A lot of things she said about, she was doing, it was her grandmother that did it.

Well, why didn't you get a DNA test sooner?

Because I, on my heart, I didn't need it. There's another thing too is—

I know you didn't need it, but she needed it. She's been hearing all these mixed messages her entire life.

Well, recently she just started coming up like this and I was hoping that we can get around this here. But you know, something bothering her and I swear she deserves the best. She deserves the best. She don't need this on her, man. Nobody needs this on them.

I just don't even lie. So in order to get to the bottom of this 41-year-old DNA mystery, I think it's time that we meet Hadassah's mother, Rutha. Everyone, welcome Rutha to the show. So you look upset, Rutha.

I am, 'cause you've been telling a lot of lies, brother.

What are the lies you're telling?

You still in denial I slept with your brothers? Never.

Wait a minute.

Never.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. I did not say what you said.

I don't wanna hear nothing you got to say. Today you gonna learn today. Today you gonna learn today. You have put me through so much mess and my daughter. I'm tired of you.

Put you through so much mess?

It's done, it's done.

What have I put you through?

I was 16 years old too. And what you put me through, you lied and said she wasn't yours and then all of a sudden she yours, is she not yours? And then what do you want me to do? I hurt my daughter because of me not being able to know how to deal with it. I hurt her because I didn't know how to deal with it 'cause I was a child and I had to do what I had to do as a mother. I asked other people for help.

I get it, I get it. There's a lot of pain there.

I ain't no whore and I've never been a whore and I ain't never sleep with your brother.

First of all, I never said you did.

You gonna listen today. You gonna listen to me today. I'm tired of you. I'm tired of you.

I did tired of you.

I never liked you, you. I don't like you either. I don't like you and I never liked your brother either. Your mother, your mom's never liked you. Wait, Dr. Craig, Dr. Craig, I don't like this. To the date, to the date right now. And I told my mother that I don't care.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. I know the pain y'all are going through. The minute y'all started arguing, your daughter, you see what's happening.

You come out here with this feeling.

It's about her right now. It's about her now.

Shut up, sir.

You gonna do that?

Shut up.

She's still crying backstage. Do you understand what y'all are doing to your little girl?

Yes, sir, I do. And I'm here today 'cause I want it stopped. My heart is still bleeding from that 16-year-old girl like she said. I don't know how to, I ain't know how to deal with it. It's still today, I don't know how to deal with it. I need help. 'Cause I don't wanna hurt her. Or my kids or my grandkids.

I understand, I understand, I understand, I understand. Let me go talk to your daughter, okay? Come back. My love, what's going on? Please, please. I'm sorry, what is going on? How you feeling? Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. All right, on the count of 3, take a deep breath in. 1, 2, 3. Take a deep breath out. Count of 3, deep breath in. 1, 2, 3, in. Deep breath out. Would you like some water?

I want to go home.

I'm over it.

It's okay.

I can't do this anymore. Like, whatever. I'm done.

So one of the things you said to me is because of this pain, you shut down. I ask you, can you give me an opportunity to support you in this moment? What is on your mind?

This is what they've done all my life. This is what has been. This is what she does. I don't want it. I just want peace and this isn't it. And I'm sorry I even brought it up. I just— It's okay.

I gotta go back there. I gotta go back there.

I gotta go back there. You deserve that.

You deserve that.

I gotta go back there.

You deserve all of that.

I gotta go back there.

You deserve not to feel like you have to scream.

No, I can just be a parent who doesn't scream. I'm okay.

I can't. I'm sorry. Tasha, I'm so sorry.

Your mom is dead. I'mma wind you up, please. No, no, no, no, don't do that. You can't do that, Jones. You can't do that. You don't do that. Just give me a second.

Okay, okay.

Just say one thing to her.

No, no, give her a minute. Give her a minute. Give her a minute. It's time to just get these answers so that we can get to the next step of healing. You ready? You got it.

Hold on a minute. You could meet Tasha. Tasha.

Wait, just give me a second, please, please, please. Just give me a minute.

She just needs a second. She just needs a moment.

You don't need to open that.

She needs to.

I always will, being my daughter.

What does it say?

It says, Hadassah, Sean is your father.

You've been vindicated. Anybody who would ever talk to a 14-year-old or a 16-year-old child and make her feel like she was worthless and make her feel like she was slut, this is part of your vindication too. And allow that vindication to start to heal some of that pain. Do you feel that?

Yeah, I do. Thank you.

And this is a moment for you of clarity. You now know.

I know.

You know. How does it make you feel to know?

Relieved. Excited.

Yeah. These are your parents.

Whoa.

You found both your parents.

Finally.

I think this clarity, this vindication is going to help the healing that has already started before. You all were able to see each other for the children you were and understand adults played a big role in this. Stop blaming each other. You also got to hear that your daughter needs boundaries sometimes. And so when she says something, and I think this is a big one for you, sir, because I've noticed every time she says, "Give me a moment," you still like, "Hold on." And I see you're doing it outta love because even as she was opening that envelope, you were trying to comfort her and let her know it doesn't matter, I'm here for you. But even when you're trying to love her, you gotta still respect that boundary. If you can do that, it's going to help the relationship get stronger with all of y'all. Now the biggest piece of this is something that somebody who's not on this stage right now, and that's your family. They have rejected all of you, you, you, and you. And I say they rejected you because by the fact that they denied you a relationship and put doubts in minds, that's part of the thing that separated you and caused you pain and caused you hurt. Yes, you were a 14-year-old boy that said something, but that should have never gave permission to adults to take that and run with that for almost 5 years. 41 years. That's out of order. That's right.

Thanks.

You're right. I know you've tried, but now you all need to be united and let that family know together we are not going to stand for rejection anymore.

Absolutely.

Can y'all be united and do that?

Absolutely.

What would that do for each of you to be able to tell them no more rejecting us?

They reject whatever. It was the disrespect for me.

Y'all have to unite because part of that is what I was saying with the next step of your healing is that you have to be able to tell these people just like you, just like you. And this is important for you too. You don't realize it, but what they did in rejecting them also hurt you. There's wounds and pains there. They put doubt, they caused you to have to go to a place where you're now torn between two people, your daughter, your family, your— This woman, it caused pain.

The word family is overrated. This right here and her sisters, this and my grandchildren, this is what I live for now.

Yeah? That's your family too.

Yes, it is.

And y'all gotta now start communicating and loving each other as family. I need you as well to say. What's that make you feel when he's doing that?

I don't know how to feel.

You know why? Because he spent 41 years of being told that you were wrong and all these things. That's still that little girl. But again, remember, I forgive you 'cause you were a child too. And what's going on right now is he would've did this as a child if he would've had proper guidance, but he's doing it now. Yeah. I asked for y'all to be united front and he stepped up and grabbed both of your hands. Let it go.

I'll do it again if I have to. I'm in that place where I can forgive and forget I know we family, always have been. And I just need, you know, some more counseling to continue to heal 'cause it's just—

Yeah, this is a step. A first step. I'm just giving y'all the language to recognize what's been going on. I'm giving you some tools to understand how to move forward. But you take a big step here. Your daughter has clarity. You all understand now to respect her boundaries and y'all are united finally. Do you think you can start to heal from here?

Oh yes.

You do?

For sure.

Is there anything else you need?

Sleep.

I'm exhausted.

I hear you, girl. I hear you. Do you feel like you got what you needed from me?

I do.

Thank you. Good. You're welcome. Do you feel like you were seen and got what you needed today?

Yes.

Do you feel like you got what you needed?

Yes.

Then we can move on. Come here, girl. I'll give you a hug. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.