Your Family Is Why We Split! | KARAMO.mp4

So what's going on with your marriage?

Okay.

I saw the eyes roll. You was like, girl.

What's wrong with my marriage is one, my husband's family, and then my husband.

Got it, okay.

Yeah. You know when you raise a child up, you supposed to raise them up how they supposed to be up into adulthood. They dropped the ball.

Oh, they did drop the ball.

For sure.

How's your husband's family affected your relationship?

You know, they would call him and dropped little seeds of negativity until it came into fruition. And I didn't like that. And you know, we all adults. If you have an issue with something that is going on and that you see, come talk to me.

Yeah.

Have a conversation. Yeah, have a conversation with me. I'm not—

But you're saying they go behind your back and like sow these seeds of doubt, so now it becomes issues.

That's exactly what they do.

Got it. Okay, have you always had issues with his family? Was there ever a good time?

It was up until like maybe the first few months of us dating until his mother found my old Instagram account from when I was a dancer.

Okay. Yes.

Yeah, you know.

So she found what you used to do for a line of work and she started judging you and that's when kind of things went bad?

Yes. Got it. They will never admit that, but yeah.

You know from your point of view, you feel it.

I felt it. I'm a Pisces, I can sense the energy.

Yeah.

So yeah, I felt it.

So you knew, okay. All the Pisces in here, I'm like, yeah. I see you, twin. I saw you. You a Pisces? You a Pisces? Oh, you was clapping like you was. OK. OK, Virgo. Better. Oh yeah, I love my Virgo. OK, so was his family present when y'all got married?

No.

At all?

The family didn't come?

Nobody knew.

Oh, so nobody knew.

It was just like a spur of the moment type of thing. I was at school and they were like, "Oh, it would be so cute for you guys to get married on Valentine's Day." And that was 3 days before Valentine's Day, so. Oh.

Yeah.

And y'all just got married?

Yeah.

How long y'all been married now?

It would have been a year in February 14th.

Okay, so 1 year.

Mm-hmm.

And then, but now you said it would've been, so y'all are separated right now?

We are separated.

Okay.

We've been separated since 2 months after we got married.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh wow, okay then. So y'all got married and then you've been separated for almost 9 months now, 10 months.

Yes.

Were you seeing other people while you were apart?

People, no. Person, yes.

You were seeing one person?

Yeah.

Okay, did he know you were seeing somebody? Mm-hmm. And when he told you that he was seeing someone else, how did that make you feel?

Well, he didn't tell me.

Okay.

Yeah, he—

So you told him you were seeing someone?

Yeah.

But he didn't tell you, he wasn't upfront about it.

Yeah.

Okay then. And so what happened when you found out?

I kind of was just like, okay, like it didn't bother me any because we have been separated and he was doing his own thing, I was doing my own thing. I was just like, all right, cool.

Got it. Okay then. So why did you decide to get back together if you were both happy doing your own thing?

We are not together.

Well, you're here to hope that you can get back together. Correct?

Yes, but he don't know that.

He does not know that. Okay then. Got it. Okay then. Do you think your family is too involved in your relationship?

Totally.

Yeah.

And I think it's mostly my fault. You know, every time me and her get into it real bad, I always run home and, you know, tell 'em all the bad and not the good and, you know, paint her in a bad light. And that's my fault.

And see, this is, I'm sorry, but this is my issue. You saying all this now, But we've been going through this for almost 3 years.

I had to evolve, you know, I wasn't, I'm gonna say I wasn't a full man then.

Oh.

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And you know, Over the time of seeing how everything transpired, I had to, you know, look at myself. Like, am I the man that she needs me to be?

This has been a month and a half, Calvin. You just came into a man and just, oh, just saw everything brand new.

No, it took me leaving my family, my kids, you, watching you be with somebody else. It took all of that. To open my eyes. You know, growing up, I felt, you know, looked over in my family. So I was always chasing they validation. So every time my wife and my family butted heads, I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I ain't know whose side to choose. And that was drove my way. You knew whose side to choose, 'cause right is right and wrong is wrong.

And them people didn't like me from the beginning.

I understand that, but it's still my family. That's still your family.

I'm your family too.

That's true. That's true.

At that time—

What you're saying makes sense. Listen, it's hard for you to hear because you're in this situation and you're like, you should have chose me. You saw what was happening. You should have been on my side. I am your family. But I can also understand that if he's never been in a long-term relationship, there's always this fear of like, if you go, that's still my family. And for a young man who doesn't have those tools, I can understand why he would volley back and forth. It doesn't mean it's right, but what I appreciate and I can see is that you're willing to be accountable, first of all.

Yes, sir.

You're willing to say, I know I did wrong. And every time you said, but you should have, he ain't disputed you yet. He's like, yes. I'm sorry, Karamo. Which shows some growth, a little growth.

It does show growth, but this is very rehearsed. This is not organic.

Oh, this is not.

No, it's not. This is stuff I've been telling him from the beginning. It's regurgitated information at this point.

Got it, got it. But you don't think he's finally learned it? You don't have faith that he's learned it?

It's not been long enough for him to actually learn it. I don't think so.

She's right in a sense. You know, I've been listening to her but not actually taking it in. Yeah. And you know, as a husband, when your wife tell you something, you need to listen because she's telling you right.

Yeah.

And I never listened. Yeah. I never listened. I always heard what my family say and I heard what she say and you know, it been a shift between the two. Yeah. And ever since I've been back in her life and my kids' life, I've been trying to get my family and her on the same page, you know?

Have you seen him try?

No, honestly I have not.

Okay.

I have not because you keep saying you trying to get us, you trying to get me and your family back together, but you fail to realize your family was a big part of why you were so absent when we split.

True.

Our family still is gonna have to operate whether you there or not. Right. And the fact that they would influence you to be removed from that is just absolutely wrong.

It wasn't fully on them, it was on me too.

You right, it wasn't on them, but—

You know, me seeing you with someone else that deeply hurt. So I couldn't just—

Were you seeing other people when you were separated? 'Cause you said you were hurt by her seeing other people.

Were you actively? Yeah, tell them about the people that you was with while we was together.

Who was I with when we was together?

Do you want me to name?

Go ahead.

Old girl you was talking to since high school. Old girl you was talking to that was supposedly your best friend, but you was buying nudes from her sister.

Okay. Who's that?

Okay.

What's the other name?

'Cause we not about to sit up here.

'Cause I heard people time.

I heard, what's the other name?

The other name is, uh.

Okay.

Are you still seeing other women?

No.

You're not seeing anyone?

I'm not.

Okay then. Because y'all have been living together for how long now?

It been on and on.

He is not living with me.

You said he moved back in, right?

He ain't even moved back in. He's staying with me temporarily.

Got it. So how long has he been staying with you temporarily?

About a month and a half.

So about for 2 months, a month and a half. Okay, month and a half, 2 months. The reason I'm asking that is because if you're saying there's growth, you're saying, listen, we were separated. I did not step up like I should as a man. But now that I'm back in your life, it's easier for me to do this. I can say, okay, this is gonna be my baseline now. I can see what's going on for in that month and a half, 2 months. And that would tell me a lot about the actual growth you've got going. And so for me, that shows me if you really wanna save this marriage, 'cause it sounds like you do.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

I can agree. You know, there has been growth, but he does this a lot. It's been a lot of back and forth and back and forth. And when he's with his family, then he with his family. And then when he with me, he with me. And he, like, he wants to do right for a certain amount of time until I let my guards down, and then he's back to the same nonsense.

Well, see, this is exactly why we unlock phones here, because, you know, you can go through all the BS and you can say whatever you want, but when we go through your phone, we'll see actually what your intentions, your true motives are. And so you brought us here because we're gonna unlock your phone, right? Calvin, because you wanna see what's going on. I think for me, what's most important is the month and a half to 2 months. I know, I think you told my producers that you had concerns if he's talking about you bad to your family, right?

Absolutely.

What is your concern there?

My concern there is I just don't feel like there's a reason for them to hate me as much as they do without him adding extra details.

Got it. So you wanna see what the extra details are?

Absolutely.

Got it. All right, well listen, it's time to unlock the phone.

Calvin, we unlocked your phone.

Yes, sir. All right, here we go.

You better hope.

Imani, you wanna know if Calvin has been messaging his family about you. Calvin says he has not. My unlock the phone investigator searched his phone and found that Calvin is telling the truth.

Okay, all right.

So of course you came up with correspondence, but what we were looking for specifically was him badmouthing you. We're looking for him to say like, she's not this, She's not that, she's not that, and that we could not find. So I appreciate that you owned up and said that in the past you ran to them. From what we're seeing, that behavior, you're not running to them anymore.

Yeah, not anymore, you know, 'cause like I said, I'm an evolving man. I'm not a perfect man, you know? Back in the past when we had these problems, I used to always run back to my family house and tell 'em all the bad that was going on in our relationship. I never told 'em the good. I painted her in a bad light. I think that's one of the reasons why they grew to push her aside.

Got it, that makes sense.

And now, I told her, now that I'm back, I'm not running away from my family no more. I'm not leaving the house, I'm not doing none of that.

I hear that, I hear that.

If you want me to, you want your space, I'll go downstairs.

But you're saying, "I've learned that lesson." Yeah, I learned not to run home. Well, here we go, let's keep going. Imani, you wanna know if Calvin has been texting other women. Calvin says he has not. My locked phone investigator searched his texts and found that Calvin is not telling the truth. My investigator found 236 messages. So it's and.

My best friend? Oh, okay.

You know about that already.

I don't wanna hear that.

Yeah, so that's your best friend?

My best friend, yes.

Oh, that don't sound like a best friend.

Well, we had a little falling out, but now I see why.

Okay. All right, Imani, you wanna know if Calvin has been DMing other women. Calvin says he is not. My Lockdown Investigator searched his DMs and found that Calvin is not telling the truth. We found 95 DMs with women.

95?

Ironically, one named that was in the past month and most recent message was yesterday. Where he said, "But I love you, every part of you." I miss you so much, it's crazy. I don't know what I want, like it's crazy. I never wanted something so bad.

And this is what I be talking about.

Why would you do this?

Because you sit here in my face and you talking about, "Oh, I'm coming to do this so that we can work on our marriage, we can do this, we can do that." And then you do stuff like this. And this is why we got into it the last time before we separated, because you was downstairs in my house giving me space but doing stuff like that. Of course you gonna have to get out. I'm not about to deal with that.

This was old, for one.

Yeah, so these are all recent. These are all within the month. See, so for me, so this is the issue that I have, and this is, so what I was doing before is I was giving the benefit of the doubt of your growth. But I said to you, for me, the baseline would be what have you done within this last month and a half to say I'm back and I wanna prove to you? And I asked you directly, are you talking to other women? You said no. You said you wanna get your family back. And what I'm seeing here from messages from January 17th, from January 24th, from February is that you are still talking to other women. You're also not only just talking to them, you're confessing your love, saying that you love them and that you don't know what you want. And so how can, what?

Who was the message to?

Okay, that doesn't matter. My thing is, it's like, I understand we're not the same.

I love when they write the message and they wanna ask me, like, we gonna give you all the messages, okay?

But I understand we're not technically together, but you saying that you wanna be with me and you wanna be in my presence and you wanna, and this is why I don't open up that part of myself to you because of stuff like that.

I understand I gotta earn your trust back. I do, I understand that.

It's not about earning trust back, it's just about being trustworthy in general.

And I understand that as well.

This is not trustworthy.

When you said to, 'cause y'all were together back at this point and you said to, I love you and I think we should, "We would be wonderful together. Just please give us a chance. Please, if you love me, we've been through this so much. Finally, give this a chance." When you said that, when y'all were still together, that doesn't show growth. That shows that this is manipulation. This is emotional manipulation. I understand that. What you're doing is you're trying to gaslight her into believing that you are growing. And so what you've just showed her and the world and your family now, who has probably said that thought she was the bad one, is that this entire time you were the one playing around.

Preach, Karamo, please. In covenant, I never wanted you to be a perfect man, but stuff like this, when you married me, if you had any type of drawback or any type of feeling that you wanted to do something else, we could've put that on pause. I told you we could've went to counseling. We could've done all these things, but this is not the time to do it. We got people depending on us.

I know that.

And we supposed to be a strong family unit. We can't be a strong family unit if you going back and doing stuff like that. That's embarrassing for me. You know one day our kids are gonna be old enough to see this. You know how embarrassing that is on your behalf?

The advice I'd give you is worry less about your family and worry more about you growing a spine to speak your mind.

Yes, sir.

Because what I know, to be true in this situation is that you have desires and you have things you want, but you are afraid to share them. When you told me you were seeking validation from your family, that was a big cue for me. Because most of the time, people who seek validation from their family, that means they're seeking validation from every point of their life. And people who seek validation usually are people who are least honest about who they really are because they're going to need to switch their behavior to be validated in whatever environment they're in. And so what I want you to do is go figure out who you are. Because once you validate yourself, you won't feel like you need to have all these different personalities so that people like you. This is self-work. This has nothing to do with your family. This has nothing to do with Emani. This is you work.

I honestly feel like it does have a lot to do with his family.

Not yet.

Not yet. Not yet?

I'm telling you.

Oh, okay.

Because the thing is, is that the family is not gonna correct their behavior as a unit. So what he has to do is he has to work on himself first. And then once he's able to work on himself, himself and standing in his truth, then he can set boundaries where they will then be forced to see their behavior. But if he goes and says to y'all, y'all gotta fix this, y'all can't do this, they're gonna be like, what? I'm not doing that. This is how we— they gonna do this. We ain't got no time for you. The same thing she did to you at the game. And so that's why I said this is your work. This is work you have to do where you find the confidence in yourself to say, you know what, I'm secure. And then come to your wife and have a conversation about where maybe areas you need to grow and then y'all two can grow together. But again, this work all starts with you.

Right.

Wish y'all the best of luck.

Thank you.

Thank you. I wish y'all the best of luck. On my show, I unlock phones, and now I wanna unlock your best self. You need someone to talk to who will listen and give real advice with no judgment. That's what Karamo AI does. Text me, call me, download Key, and let's start talking and growing.