Your Mother Is Ruining Our Marriage! | KARAMO

Okay, so Jaquilla, tell me, why are you here?

Well, I'm here because I feel like my husband totally disregards my feelings.

Okay.

He puts a wall up and I'm just expected to just get over it, basically.

Does it always make you wanna feel like you have to be the bigger person?

Oh, absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. I'm always like the logical thinker. I'm the one that has to step outside of the situation and be the forgiving one, be the understanding one and things like that. Every time. I'm sick of it.

Got it. So tell me about your relationship with Antoine's family?

Oh man, well, we used to be like really close. They were literally like my second family. We were in Indiana for about 7 years with my family and it was awesome. We moved back to South Carolina and it's like when we got back, his family just, I don't know, they kind of switched up on me.

Really?

Yes.

So why did you move back to South Carolina?

I felt like my husband was homesick. I felt like he had made that sacrifice to go to Indiana for me to be around my family. And I wanted him to feel like, you know, I'm willing to do that for you too.

And what changed after you moved?

My husband didn't even drink. When we moved to South Carolina, he started engaging in drinking like a lot, like every day. And he was just like overdoing it. You know, you're drinking and you're passing out because you're overdoing it.

So what happened with his mother Zelma during Christmas time?

Oh my gosh. Well, So on Christmas, he was invited over to pick up gifts for the kids. I dropped him and the kids off. I came back to pick them up. She came outside and she's like, "Do you mind if the kids stay to eat for dinner and things like that?" And I told her no because we had prior plans. She got upset and I feel like because she was under the influence too, I was attacked. So when she—

So Zelma, his mother, your husband's mother attacked you?

Yes.

On Christmas Day?

She pulled me by my hair on Christmas Day in front of my kids.

While your kids were gone?

And so my kids had to witness that. And that's my problem with Antwon because this becomes bigger than me. When she's doing things and showing out in front of our kids, I have to go back and console my kids. I have to go back and explain to them why adults overindulge in theirself and when they do that, how they tend to get a little outta control and things. My baby shouldn't have to have these conversations with me, but I've had to prepare them for things like that because that's what we've been around.

So was that the first time I got physical?

No.

So she's hit you before?

Back in 2015, it was a year after we got married. I don't know if y'all know, but the first year is always hard. We argued a lot. We was young. We pretty much been navigating this thing, trying to wing it as best as we can.

'Cause how old were y'all when y'all got together?

We were 20 years old.

20 babies.

Yes.

Okay.

We were babies and we didn't care what nobody said. We were gonna get married. We was in love. And so me and him got into it and just outta nowhere, his mom comes outta nowhere and just pretty much like pancakes me. Like she flops, like jumps on me to where he's like having to get her off of me and help me off the ground. That's not okay. Mm-mm.

The drinking, I heard you say on Christmas Day she was under the influence, your husband under the influence.

Yes.

Do you think there's a drinking problem with people?

I'm around so many people that when they drink, they get in their feelings.

Yeah.

They get chaotic. They get upset. They're not healed, so they're bringing up the past. They're bringing up all old stuff. It's not cool.

Girl, you can take a seat right here, 'cause everything you just said, let me tell you something.

Everything you just said is exactly what I was saying. It's the truth though.

I wanna grow. I wanna be an example for my, y'all, I got 5 daughters. And I have 1 son, which is, it's like a tit for tat. Both is important. I wanted my girls to know that you can conduct yourself as a woman and you can go out and have a good time and you don't have to get all rowdy and crazy and stuff like that. I don't like that.

Got it.

But the drinking, they do too much.

Yeah. Do you feel like you need to protect your husband from his family?

Absolutely.

The family's bringing him down?

Yeah. The family brings him down and not all the time are they good influences.

Is Antoine a mama's boy?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Absolutely, because if he wasn't, why does your mom feel that it's okay to disrespect your wife? I feel like when he's telling me, you know, "Oh, I'm just venting to them," and things like that, for one, stop discussing me when I'm not around. And if you are, have a boundary with her. "Okay, Mom, I understand that's how you feel, but that's still my wife." Yes. "Please don't address her as this word. Please don't talk about her in that way." And what about the good things that she's done, Michael?

It sounds like Antoine's not putting you first when it comes to his mother.

Absolutely.

No, tell me about that.

And that's not cool. I don't want my husband to feel like he has to choose. But with everything that transpired when we moved back to South Carolina, this is like, I've put in all the efforts, I've done the hard work. I know I can, if I have to, you know, move on and do this without him, I know that I can and I'm capable, but I don't want to. My kids deserve their dad. That's all that they know. Our baby is 2. Everybody else, you know, has these memories with him and everything else. My daughter, my baby girl deserves to have that time with her dad as well if we can put aside our differences. And see, we're supposed to renew our vows next year. We'll be married for 10 years. That's a big accomplishment for a young Black couple.

Yes, it is.

With 6 kids.

Well, everyone, I'm ready to meet Antwan. Everyone, welcome Antwan to the show.

Hey Antoine.

How you doing? How you doing? Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Yes. So you told my producers that you feel like you can't win in this situation. What do you mean?

If it's something dealing with her, then it's also something dealing with my mom. Like I'm in the middle of the whole situation. So either way it go, I lose on both ends. 'Cause for one, that's my wife. Two, that's my mom. She is the one. My mom is the one that raised me.

Right.

I didn't have no dad.

But I raised you after that. And that's where—

No, just let me finish.

I raised you after that.

Let me finish.

Okay.

I didn't have no dad and everything. I put everything on the back burner, I dropped everything, I moved her back to her family. After, like, I'd say 2 months after we got together. I moved her back to her family because she missed her family and everything. I was up there for 7 years and I worked, I did everything that I needed to.

He did his part.

I shouldn't be in the middle of a situation that I feel like I really don't have no say about nothing.

Okay.

You married me, not your mom though.

Yeah, I know I married you and not my mom.

So it shouldn't be a situation where you feel like you have to choose.

Why you think your mother dislikes her?

My mom thinks she lazy.

Because I'm a bad—

Okay, because I'm on top of my stuff.

Because I'm on top of my stuff.

Hush. Because my mom thinks she lazy because she don't never do nothing.

Excuse me?

When it come down to it, when we stayed with my mom, when it came down to it, my mom was at the house, I came back home.

I don't never do anything, but I brought your son back to you in one piece. I brought your son back to you in one piece and better than, doing better than he's ever done.

Okay, then that's another thing we've got a problem with. She don't never let me talk. She always gotta come back and talk over me.

I don't never let you talk.

No, you don't never let me talk.

Because when you talking, you ain't saying nothing.

I am saying, I'm saying a lot. You're not listening and you're not understanding. And you're not trying to understand What I'm trying to say, that's your problem.

Oh, it's my problem?

Every time it turn around, you always right. You always right. You not always right.

I would never lead you down the wrong path. And I would never tell you anything wrong. My intentions are for you to be great.

I want you to realize and understand that I'm gonna be great.

With that?

I'm sorry. You all right?

It's real emotions. This your real life.

Sometimes I just won't. For you to let me do stuff my way. I don't need you to sit back and sit there, act like you trying to protect me every time.

I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me.

I don't.

The only reason I'm bringing that up, 'cause we gonna get back to your mother and what's going on, and I wanna also address the drinking, but I was watching y'all's communication as just a couple, and I was watching you say hush, which is completely disrespectful to your wife. I understand the frustration you have of saying, "I need to be heard." And so what I realized, and that's why I brought up the thing of you saying, "You don't need to protect me," because earlier your exact words when he said, "My mother raised me," you said, "I raised you after." That's very strong language for a wife to say.

I know.

And so when a man starts to feel as if you're turning in not from his wife but into his mother, that's when the communication's gonna start breaking down. And you're not helping it then by turning around and then being disrespectful.

Exactly.

So I wanna point out that both of your ways of communicating with each other are wrong. Okay?

I understand.

I'm just helping y'all to see the communication breakdown. 'Cause I saw the communication breakdown right there.

Y'all saw it too?

Yes. Now when it comes back to your mother, I heard earlier that she was drinking a lot and that's what caused the fight. And that your wife has said that you started drinking a lot more too. Do you think the drinking with the family is becoming a problem?

I just have a cup of beers. I say probably like—

Until he can't remember how many he's had.

Well, okay, yeah. But still.

So you can acknowledge there's a problem now.

It is a problem.

What is the stressor that happened when you moved back that's causing you to have this, wanna drink more? 'Cause she said you weren't drinking before.

Okay, so the pressure is that I got a deep issue with my mom.

Okay.

I didn't really wanna come back. I didn't. I was happy where I was at.

So you didn't wanna move back?

No, because since I've been back, I had problems with my family. I fought with them every time I see them.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

That's so funny.

I fight with them every time. I get drunk. And I think about everything that happened to me when I was coming up. And that's one thing I don't think she realized that she always wanna talk about she trying to help me or she, I miss them. No, I didn't. I never did. I can talk.

No, I didn't. I see the pain. I see the pain that you have.

I wanted to stay up there where I was happy at.

But babe, you wasn't that happy.

I was happy. I did not show it, smile every day, But on the inside, I was happy. As long as I had you and my 6 beautiful kids, I was happy. That's what you never understand. And it's like you don't wanna get through your head. This is where I wanted to be.

I had no, I didn't know.

I got the cops called on me 3 times for fighting with my boyfriend.

That's why I feel like I have to protect my husband.

I get it, I get it. So why would she think I would wanna come back?

Mm-hmm.

I drank till I can't remember stuff because now I don't wanna remember stuff.

Have you ever talked to your mom about the issues that you have with her?

I tried to a couple times, but she never come out and she never really—

I don't think they really talked about it sober though.

Yeah. What is your fear about talking to your mom about this?

'Cause I still won't get the truth.

Got it.

None of the stuff that I went through when I coming up, I never, she ain't gonna give it to me.

Does your wife, know what you're talking about? And you don't have to tell me here in details.

Yes, she know. She know just what I'm talking about. 'Cause I tell her every time when I got drunk and I told her the things that hurt me, the way I had to live, what she said to me.

And I understand that.

This makes a lot more sense to me of the issues that you're having with your mother-in-law. In some cases, It is a, you need to set a boundary. In this specific case, there is trauma associated. When there's trauma, it's going to be a lot harder for the child who's experienced that trauma to confront the parent, to be able to protect you the way he could. He's trying his best, but I want you to imagine a kid trying to say, "Mom, stop doing something." And he's not a kid, he's a grown man. But what's happening, and this is why I said earlier, your language about I'm raising you after, is because once he got there, You saw the kid, you saw the trauma.

Yeah, I did.

And that's why you use languages like, "I'm trying to protect you. I was raising you," because you see a kid that's trying to protect himself from the trauma.

Yeah.

Antwan, your mom, she sent a ping over. I wanna hear what she had to say about your relationship.

Hi, my name is Zelma. I'm Antwan's mother, and I'm not the problem. It's Jakila. I'm doing everything that I can do to take and help them out. I'm staying home. To take care of the kids. I just want the best for my son. I want my son to be happy. I want him to figure out what's, what's really going on with him and Jaquilla so they can live their life together and take care of all 6 of my grandbabies. That's all I want.

No.

So let me just mention this. We did ask Antoine's mom to be here, but she refused to to be here today. And the interesting part about this is that even hearing that message, it's funny that she says, well, this person's causing you unhappiness, and you're here saying it's my mom causing me the unhappiness. Is that direct answer?

Yes, it is.

Karamo, I'm still trying to understand what did I do wrong to your son? I've had all this man kids. I have been there for him.

Let me tell you guys, this is what you gotta realize. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't do anything wrong. The only thing that happened wrong in your marriage is you and your husband having a breakdown of communication and y'all moving to a place where it's gonna make him not happy. That's the only thing that you— And you didn't even do that wrong. That was a choice y'all made. But you gotta release that. You did nothing wrong. So you don't even need to ask yourself that question anymore. And the reason I know that you didn't do anything wrong, because your husband just validated that his issues are with his mom.

I don't know what to do.

Y'all need to figure out, first of all, how to get y'allself outta that space. The trauma you've experienced, if you don't want your kids to experience it and you don't want them to have those issues, if you don't wanna lose your wife, if you don't want things to break down, y'all gotta make a decision today to move somewhere else.

That's why I'm telling him we need to go see Karamo because he's gonna help us figure this thing out.

Okay? But I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Y'all are gonna have to move. I believe in y'all. Thank you.

I do too.

Yeah, give your wife a kiss and a hug.

Oh my God.

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