57 - GAMING ADDICTION AMONG ADOLESCENTS - WHAT ARE THE SIGNS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH IT AS A PARENT?

In moderation, gaming can be beneficial, but how about in excess? Hi, I'm Dr. Carol Darca, author, psychologist and founder of Reconnect Trauma Treatment center in Los Angeles. We want to talk today about gaming. Yes. Well, let's talk about first why I said it can be beneficial. Right. I'm actually going to especially talk about adolescents because during the pandemic, the mental health among adolescents and the young adults have declined the worst according to the statistics. So while it helps with actually hand eye coordination, it improves the IQ among young people for adults. It's used in military training for any educational purposes, really among students, any level of students. So it has a lot of benefits. And actually, I think during pandemic, one of the benefits, which is something we haven't thought of before, is it helped young people to socialize with each other when they couldn't leave their house. They were still socializing through gaming because a lot of the gamings are sort of cloud based. Right. So they can play. But that's not what we're going to talk about today. We are really concerned actually about the overuse and where it becomes now obsessive use, especially among adolescents. And again, that increased during pandemic due to the restrictions that kids have to stay home. So this compulsive playing is actually now is recognized by World Health Organization as gaming disorder. So American Psychological association doesn't have it as a disorder yet, but it is something that's become much more out in the media. People are very much aware of the seriousness of this situation and it's a huge concern for parents. If you're a parent yourself, you know what I'm talking about for sure. So it becomes actually a disorder when it really starts impairing the person's life. So I'm going to talk about sort of the signs of when I would call this an addiction versus when a person is just playing. Because we're not saying don't play. Right? Right. We're talking about the obsessive compulsive part. So when, when you see that adolescents are actually making the games much more important than any other parts of their lives is when you should be really concerned about so they can't actually literally stop the game. Right. So this is when you can actually consider as a mental health condition for adolescents because it also causes secondary issues such as sometimes addiction to substance abuse, depression, anxiety, irritability, just sort of mood swings and inability to function at school or at work, isolation. So there's a lot of different kind of signs that come as a secondary effect to gaming. And that's when again we become very concerned. So I want to give you some numbers which I think is fascinating. In 2020, the market size about with the video reached $90 billion. Yes. So of course whenever there's tremendous amount of money behind something, you are going to see that become an epidemic itself. Because you know, there's great marketing that pours money into this and the more they sell, the more they want to sell. And the people who are creating these games are very, very smart and they know how to lure the young people in. So is just becoming a huge problem again all around the world. There's right now two and a half billion gamers. That is a huge number that's out there. Right. And again, just remember that the people who develop these games are very smart, educated and they understand how to market it. So the cells have just basically reached the roof. So a couple of other signs of addiction. Actually this goes for any kind of addiction, but again we're talking about game addiction is the desire to stop. But inability to stop. See this desire to stop might not be that common among adolescents because if you talk to them or young adults, if you talk to them, do you want to stop? They probably will tell you no. They're not even aware of the impact that it has on them. But if it interfering with their life, they're not going to school or they're not going to work. And we're talking about hours and hours of playing, right. They're isolating. And again, we talked about some mood stuff, but there's also medical issues. Like they could have eye aches, headaches, stomach aches, back aches from sitting in a certain position, thumb aches are even like really just sort of postural issues. They could have migraines from looking at a screen all day, but. Or sleeplessness. I should add that one of the things that I noticed the most is the irritability. A lot of the games have this a very, has a very aggressive part to the game where it's sort of about killing and fighting. And I met a lot of parents over the years that play, you know, the same games that my kids play. I have adolescents myself. And the main complaint that I'm hearing is the kids just being really like aggravated and yelling at each other and yelling at each other even you know, through on online interactions. So if you see your kids having now more difficulty to relate to other people, right. So the isolation of it and, and difficulties to socialize because it's a different way. So that's where it would be considered now as an addiction. And again, if it's causing the, the teenager to eventually maybe turn into drugs. So those are the times where we are going to take this as a very serious concern. So here's one of the reasons why the gaming becomes an addiction. It's because of the brain, right? So what happens to the brain? The brain is wired in a way that getting a reward, it actually has a specific spot in the brain that it gets a reward. And it just like lights up, right? It says, yep, you did a good job. So, and that's a very addictive way of feeling. So when a child is actually feeling like they're winning, this wanting to win more and more and more, it actually grows further. It's a little bit of like gambling among adults, which you can even see the similarity between that and maybe the slot machine effect, where the slot machines are fascinating because they don't always make you win, but they don't always make you lose. So the fact that you are winning from time to time may make you stay there in front of a slot machine because, like, there's the anticipation of when am I going to win next? Because one of those times I am going to win, right? And so the gaming can have that effect too. And that's the addiction part. So why teenagers can't quit one again, they do not believe that they need to. They don't think of it as a problem. They're like, I'm enjoying myself, I'm passing time, I have nothing else to do. Another reason could be social pressure. Everyone else is playing, so you can't actually be among other adolescents and I don't know, talk about the weather because everybody probably will be talking about the games they play or they'll be having their phones and playing. So. And as we know, adolescents have a very hard time to feel like an outsider. They have to feel like they belong to a group. There's tremendous amount of followers on YouTube and on other social medias. And that's a way an adolescent can really feel a part of a group. So that's harder. That's another reason why they might not be able to quit. You know, there's this culture of game right now in the Western world especially, right? So kids want to fit that, right? Let's talk about what to do. This is not an easy thing because again, the main barrier to make a change is that kids do not see it as a problem. So I would like to start with actually educating them. And education doesn't mean like, hey, let me Tell you why this is bad for your brain and what it does to you kind of thing. It's going to come from right ear and go out from the left ear. Be prepared. But if they can see themselves that this actually causes them to feel worse, this is actually causing them to maybe feel depressed or anxious or angry or they're not able to sleep, like they have to be aware themselves of the damage that it can cause. Then you have a chance to work with your kids when you talk with them. Please do not get into a power struggle. So if you say right away like I'm going to punish you and here's what it is and we're going to fight about it. Yes. I mean, the child could follow your rules because obviously you're putting the rules, but you don't want to just enforce the rules without actually having them to have some sort of voluntary participation. Because when kids do things involuntarily, it's really a band aid solution. It might just help in that moment. But if you are looking for a longer term solution where the kids just are interested now in their well being because they're going to be adults and they're going to live alone and you're not going to be able to control them, you don't want an adult 18, 19 year old at home just playing all day because there's nobody that's going to enforce the rules. So really find ways to reach them, talk to them in a way they can understand and they can really relate. Watch for the denial, right? So if the kid is really, despite everything, is still in denial, you have a harder work in your hand. I prefer people to be honest. And even if they're still going to follow their addiction, at least to say, you know what, I'm an, I'm an addict, I'm a game addict, but heck, I don't want to quit it. I prefer that than people saying, I don't have a problem, I don't know what you're talking about. All right, so put boundaries, put rules. But along with that, I think what works better? Because when they're younger, rules and more strict rules might work better. But when the kids are at least adolescents, I prefer to use a lot of rewarding system. So I know it's kind of gonna sound like a bribing technique when I'm telling you, but if you can say to a kid, okay, if you do this and that, I'm going to give you this reward, right? So if you maybe instead of playing, I don't know, so many Hours you're able to play this much hour, here's your reward. So then the kid again is much more intrinsically motivated to do something. Don't see the games as all bad. If you do again, you're going to get into a power struggle with your kids or with your young adult, really. Right? So maybe show some interest from time to time. Maybe you can play with them or ask about it. What do they, what do they like about it so it doesn't become this sort of this taboo topic, right? And then this way you feel like you're joining them and then as you join, then you start talking about and here's where it's bad and here's how it's excessive, right? So again, we are not wanting to create a power struggle. Take them out. Teenagers many times do not want to hang out with their parents. Maybe not yours, but most of the time. So find the ways for them to hang out with you. Find an interest so that you can take them out. Even if they say they don't need you, actually teenagers still need you as a parent. They want to spend time with you, they want to talk to you, they want to hang out with you. So find one on one quality time. If you have more than one kid, separate them and have quality time. The quality time is an amazing resource of love and that's how a person actually learns to love themselves and become a healthy adult. Exercise is a great one. When you exercise, invite them, exercise with them, go for a bike ride, go for walks, play basketball, play ping pong. Just really, you know, the more relational you can become with your child, the more interested they might be. Yes, it's important one reduce the hours gradually rather than being again a strict cold turkey kind of approach. So if they're playing so many hours, just start reducing maybe one hour at a time until maybe you both can come up with the right amount of time and you can negotiate that with your child, right? Ask them how many hours, like you think you should be playing a day, right? And you give your opinion as a parent, hear your child out, have a democratic talk, right? Which means it's reasonable, everybody gets to vote. But of course ultimately you are the parent. You make the, the, you know, last decision is your wording. But it's very important to listen to your kids and it is very, if it's very severe, where you're not able to reach your child, and especially if they're going into really severe, many hours of playing and you're seeing them depressed, they don't get out of bed. You should seek out professional help. There are people not specialize in that. There are articles. There's even actually treatment centers, believe it or not, there are that are specialized in gaming and Internet addiction where the kids have to go away to sort of a nature like retreat center for a while to be able to work on that. But if you don't want to go to that extreme, you can always also call just a therapist. You can also call us at Reconnect. We actually have an adolescent program that we opened recently. And we can help them regulate their emotions so that they really learn how to calm themselves down. And that could often help with any sort of addiction. Just remember that addictions are often masking other kind of painful feelings. So as a person learns how to tolerate their feelings, they might be less inclined to play, you know, compulsive games. In sum, evaluate your child, get to know your child. If you think your child's games is not interfering with their lives and they seem overall healthy and they have sort of a balance, let the topic go. They're not gonna fully quit, right? Just watch for the signs that I mentioned and seek help if you need it. If you have any questions, please write your comments below. I will answer them. And thank you again for watching. And remember, trauma equals disconnect. Healing equals reconnect. Stay connected. It.