Keira Brinton shares how losing her sense of smell, childhood sexual abuse, and a suicidal crisis became the fire that awakened her divine self. She argues that trauma cracks us open like seeds in darkness, revealing our true purpose through suffering, and that awakening is not a one-time event but a recurring return to who we're meant to be.
Foreign. Hello, ladies. Hello. Well, I lost my sense of smell four years ago. It was like this total gift because I had two children who had severe digestive issues. So I was like, up to my elbows in poop pretty much. And I was like, thank you. Thank you for taking my smell. Thank you. And then there were these moments where I was just really sad because I'd be making chocolate chip cookies for my kids. I couldn't smell them. And then I'd be putting lotion, the lavender lotion on my baby, and I couldn't smell him. And I would hold my husband. I couldn't smell his skin. It was, like, really sad for me. And then I got used to it and I actually didn't even care anymore. And then, like, I would get, you know, people would get in my van because I have a 12 seater. So I'm always taking people in the van. And they would get in and they'd be like, kira, it kind of stinks in here. I know. I have teenage boys. I know. And I don't care because I don't have to smell it. It's all good. And yet there was this deep level of sadness. Then one day I woke up and miraculously my sense of smell was restored. Restored. And I wept all day. I forgot what the trees smelled like. I kept being like, do you smell the trees? Like, is this what life smells like? How have I been living without this? And it was just this immense joy returned from this sense. And I believe that we all have a sense that has been a little numbed, a little pushed down, and for some, just gone. And this is a sense of our divine self. I believe we are born with this divine self, this purpose that was just for us, this vision that that was created for us. And somewhere along the path, it gets pushed down. And I believe it's because we all experience trauma. Trauma is a part of life. Your trauma most likely doesn't look like my trauma, but trauma occurs. And when trauma occurs, we want to feel safe. We want to hold in. Right? Like if a bear was coming, you would, like, hold all your special organs. It's like the same experience, but with our divine self. And for me, it was when I was five. When I was five, I was sexually abused by my babysitter. And that experience impacted me so much that I had to hide my most precious self to, like, survive the trauma. Really sad for me to, like, not have that peace. And so I started to numb. I was always busy, never ever, ever stopping. And I thought I could outrun the pain. Like, I was like, I got this. I'm so much faster than this pain. It's never going to find me. But it did. The pain found me. And the day the pain found me, it was like a tidal wave slammed me to the ground. I could not even breathe. And I remember thinking, I have to end my life. This is the only way I can escape this level of pain. Because running sure did not work. There is no way I can live in this level of darkness. That is when my divine self showed up. She called out to God. I received help. I made a deal with God. And I said, if I'm going to stay here, and you better show me why I'm here. And my life has never looked the same. Ever since I declared that I would live, it has never looked the same. So pain was my awakener. Pain is one of the greatest ways to awaken our divine self. Like, I know you don't want to hear that. You're like, I feel like there's a better way. And I don't think you're right, Kara. But before you say no, I want to tell you my favorite story. So I have a nine year old son. Actually, I have five children. Enough, enough. I like to be busy. Yeah. So I have four sons and one daughter. Like, alone time is like so rare. So I try and do these mom dates. It was my 9 year old's mom date. So he's like, let's go to the art store. So we go in and he picks this enormous Chinese dragon. And I find this goddess and I'm so excited. And I've got the dark blues and the light blues and the golds. And I'm painting her just how I envisioned her to be. And then I finished. My son goes, you are not good at this. She looked like she was covered in mud. You couldn't tell where her hair began and her face started. And I was like, what happened? So I take her up to pay for her, and they're like, you gotta leave her. We had to put her in the fire of the kiln. So we leave our beautiful clay figures. His was gorgeous. And my son, you know, was tugging on my sleeve. Three days later, we got to go back, we got to go get our figures. So we walk in, I open the door, and there she is, my goddess, exactly as how I envisioned her to become. The blues were so bold. The. The gold had softened and had created this like, oh, just juicy, beautiful glitter. You see, the fire had refined my mess, had pulled forth her brilliance. And she was exactly how I had seen her in my mind, she was exactly how I had envisioned her. We are like this goddess. We come with these visions of who we're supposed to become, of the work we are to do. Then life gets messy and trauma happens and we look and we're like, that is not what I'm supposed to be doing. This is not who I am. And that is where the pain comes in. Pain refines us, it restores us, it awakens us. Now, I love to tell you that awakening is like this one time thing. And then you're like, yeah, I did it right? Like, no, this is something I've really struggled with because every time a piece of me became awakened, I'd have to go through hell again. Have to go through the darkness and the pain. One day, it was like a dark day. I was out front planting flowers and I was like, I, like, always am yelling at God. I'm like, are you kidding me? Why Again? I paid my dues, I did my pain. And I'm taking this little tiny seed and I'm pushing her into the soil and I'm patting it. And then he shows me the seed can't crack. It can't crack unless it's eaten. Immersed in the darkness of the soil. And that is when it can open, and that is when it can climb up into the light to become that flower. And he showed me, like, this is why you have to go into the darkness. You have to go into the pain every time you become awakened. But I will tell you that every time I'm in that hell, I am never alone. For it is in that soil that I feel the divine love really nourishing me. That it is in the darkness that I feel the light. Now, I believe that when we put aside our divine self, it's as if we close our ears, we veil our hearts. Now we go to sleep. But I believe that now is the time that we open our ears, we unwrap our hearts and we awaken jam.
