What Anyone Can Do: On Thanksgiving (1053)

Welcome to the What Anyone Can Do podcast with Leo Battaglia and me, Randy Cantrell. This show picks up where our previous show, You're the Peer, left off, highlighting the simple truth that who you surround yourself with matters, and that if we enlist the support of others, give back to those who give to us, and pay it forward for the next generation, we can do anything. Author and keynote speaker Leo Battaglia and I talk with a diverse group of thought leaders who will share stories and insights that will help you succeed in business and in life.

How?

By doing the things anyone can do, but most of us never will.

Welcome to a Thanksgiving Day edition of What Anyone Can Do, the podcast. He is Leo Battaglia. My name is Randy Cantrell. I'm on the road, he's not, at least not yet, but soon will be. It's good to be back together.

Yeah, yeah. So I know this is an away game for you. You can see the usual backdrop and everything is You know, giving way to your, you know, a little respite in Louisiana here. So, but that's fun. And yeah, we're actually headed up. We're going to drive up to the Bay Area from Carlsbad tomorrow morning. It'll be a get up at 4, on the road by 4:30 with the hope of getting north of LA without, you know, incident, which, you know, I think we'll do, you know, if we actually do it that early. And we'll pay for it if we don't get up. So yeah, but it'll be nice.

Yeah, it's worth getting up.

Yeah, good little family Thanksgiving. And, you know, I think, you know, Thanksgiving is always kind of an interesting time as people often, you know, have now come to a place and you hear so much from people how they actually set up ground rules before Thanksgiving, right? And friends and family to get together about the kinds of things, right, we will not talk about because it'll end up being a fight and it'll end up being like a real problem. I think if you are truly worried about that, I think that's probably a good idea. However, it would also be refreshing if actually people this Thanksgiving could actually engage in perfectly thoughtful conversation where people ask one another questions and just weren't about debating and fighting and who's right, who's wrong, who's winning, who's losing, who's an idiot, who's not, what they think, but just trying to get a sense of huh, you know, and just seeing it from a different perspective. You know, I remember it's the story we've talked about many times where Joe Biden talked about when he first got into the Senate, and of course he was barely 30 years old, and he was meeting all these Republican colleagues who were just so diametrically opposed to everything he believed in. It was just, he just thought these guys were just worthless. You know, I mean, he just could not get over this whole thing. And Mike Mansfield, his mentor in the Senate at the time kind of put his arm around him and says, look, Joe, he said, these folks, you know, their constituents voted them into office because they saw something good in every one of these people, even though they may have different beliefs. But one thing we're unified by is wanting to do something that's right for this country. And what you need to do now is I want you to go out and spend some time with these guys and find what's good in them. Find out what their constituents saw in them that you are so blinded by because of all you see are differences, all you see are these issues. And he did that. And interestingly enough, of course, I think he gained a reputation for a long time in the Senate among a few others who were really able to cross the aisle and really able to work well with their colleagues and understood how to actually get things done. And, you know, so I think it's kind of a lesson for us to be thinking about, you know, not only just the best in others, but looking at how— see, people you like and people who you know are thoughtful and smart and all, but they see something completely differently than you do. It doesn't make them stupid, it doesn't make an idiot, it just makes them like— they, they're obviously looking at it through a lens that is different from your own. And Sometimes just to understand that can be instructive. Either it may make us see it in a very different way, or you'll go, no, it pretty much solidifies my belief in exactly where I am. And I think that's fair. But I think it would be interesting is in Thanksgiving. And again, we don't always have to take up controversial conversation, but I hope it is a time where people you just see the importance and value of getting the whole family together, which oftentimes Thanksgiving is that one holiday that I think, you know, I mean, other than weddings and funerals, in many respects Thanksgiving becomes that time where families oftentimes do get together. Those are precious times. And to appreciate what that is and what that's all about and how we should appreciate it, I think is really important.

I mean, obviously you're traveling for Thanksgiving this year and You know, so yeah, you know, I mean, the thoughts that come to my mind are, you know, families have so much history, you know what I mean? Unlike the Biden example, you know, these are new people and which is kind of ironic that we can give latitude and grace to somebody that's new in our life. And these people that have been in our life, all of our life, family, you know, We cannot give them any, any grace at all. You know, uh, forgiveness is kind of a word that leaps to my mind. You know, there's just so much history with people and perspectives and, and a lot of it, you know, I've had conversations just in the last two weeks with some folks who've talked about some of their family dynamic. And these are people that are in their— these people happen to be in their forties. But they're, they're going back 20 to 30 years ago. You know, one of my questions was, well, have you changed at all? I mean, are you, are you that teenager that felt like you got, you know, mistreated or whatever? And of course they, they, they're drastically different people, you know? So I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of moving parts to families. I get it. But And unfortunately, families tend to be the people that they don't necessarily see us at our best. They do see us at our worst, you know, for whatever reason.

And there are those little hair triggers, you know, like when you're angry and you see a family situation and somebody says something that you think, well, that was no big deal for them because there's history behind those words or behind even just the way they said it or something like that. It triggers all kinds of stuff. Yeah. And it escalates in a hurry and you don't even know what happened. That's right.

I read a story.

Oh, you tell your story first.

Well, I just, I read a story a long time ago about the, about a father whose daughter got killed in that Oklahoma City bombing and how he hung on to his bitterness for years and years and years and years and ended up becoming an alcoholic and woke up one day out of a stupor and is like, I, this— I gotta change this. This is not working for me. And somehow decided he was just gonna forgive this Timothy McVeigh and, and move on. And it was a really compelling story, you know, of how he did it. He met Tim McVeigh's father and sister and had a perfectly nice conversation. And here was a father and sister who their lives were equally wrecked by what their family member had done. And he recalled that there on the wall was a high school graduation photograph of Tim McVeigh. And he said, you know, he realized these people are as wrecked as me. And there's just, there's no point in us. There's just no point in all of this angst and animosity. And whatnot. And I don't know, I wish families, and I don't have the answer for it. You know, I wish somehow we could, we could find some grace and gratitude. Thanks. Be thankful for what we've got. I realize there are a lot of dysfunctional, excuse me, a lot of dysfunctional families out there. So I would never advise people to embrace toxic people, but Cause we do promote who you surround yourself with matters. But I think a lot of, a lot of these relationships could certainly be repaired.

Yeah. And you know, it is, um, you know, these things and where we put our energy and where we choose to put our energy, we can use to, it's so toxic for us and for everyone around us when we channel our energy toward being negative and bitter and and all of that with something that cannot be changed? And as horrible as these things can be, and at the same time, how do we channel that energy into something positive for us and for others? And even think about it today, when, of course, I don't know about you, I'm sure when you were growing up and you went to funerals, for example, they were literally times where everyone wore black, you mourned their death and all of that. Today, it's almost the opposite. These are typically more in the vein of memorial services where people are dressed much more brightly in an attitude that is a celebration of life. And it's so interesting how that can become something that that's where the place you want people to live is be thinking about good times, thinking about and the fact that all of us live on through the lives of other people that we've touched and influenced. And, um, and, um, you know, so I, I think all of those things are exactly right in terms of the energy piece. The, um, the thing I was going to mention earlier that I think is funny, and I think a lot of our, our listeners, I'm sure, can speak to this, that when they— you go home for Thanksgiving and the whole family birth order thing just goes right back, like, right? You know, don't live together anymore. You're in your 40s or 50s. Still doesn't matter. Oldest, middle, youngest, anybody, whatever that looks like. It all just kind of finds its place again in a way that's, you know, just inexplicable. It's pretty funny.

Yeah. We all still turn into the 12-year-old version of ourselves.

Oh yeah. Absolutely. Hey, so as we're thinking about Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving will be done and Christmas around the corner and then New Year's, this is where, of course, we had this conversation probably this time last year where you talk about— we talk about New Year's resolutions, time to think about what it is we want to do for next year. I think the important thing, though, is not to find out what the resolution is, but to make a decision about whether we want to be among the 92% who will fail at it, or what I call I hope it's the 8% or a growing number that actually might do what you said you wanted to do for yourself. And, you know, as we've talked about many times, in most cases, it isn't people trying to pursue goals that are unreasonable, you know, trying to make the, you know, the 20/20 at this point. I hope, you know, I mean, it's more about, you know, things that are, you want for yourself that are fairly within your reach, that all it's just a matter of doing is making, not only making a personal commitment, but of course, and talk about what anyone can do. It's how do I enlist the help of others to get their encouragement, to get their support, get their advice, some accountability, all these kinds of things which will keep you on track to do what you said you wanted to do for yourself. And I think if there's one thing, as we think about it, maybe we talk about it with family over the holidays, or when we think about what role they can play in saying, January 1, I want to start this. How about you? How about you? you know, and start getting some of those conversations. And then how can we help each other actually get those things accomplished this year? And make them small goals at first. And, you know, and once you do it, maybe come February, March, or whatever, pick something else and kind of use the same kind of method of getting people involved in the conversation first and then seeing how you can support one another and how you can support them.

Well, I don't know about you, but one of my problems— I don't mind, I don't mind kind of showing my underwear to the audience and being a little bit vulnerable. You know, one of my lifelong challenges with, with these kinds of things has been narrowing it down. You know, I've— my propensity is to be a guy with so many irons in the fire and you You just, and logically I realize you've got to leave them, you got to leave them in the fire. So they get hot enough that you can do something with them. But I have a feeling, I mean, I have a feeling I'm in pretty grand company with people that, you know, there's a litany of things that you would like to get done. And it's just logically, you know, it's impractical, you know, you know, it's not sustainable, you know, it's not doable. And just honing in on those to narrow it down for me is a challenge. And so if you're in the audience and you find that, then stop it. You know, I don't know. I mean, what advice do you, what advice do you have for somebody like me who maybe, you know, you, you want to do 6 things. You don't want to do just, just one thing. And as a result, you and I both know what happens. Over time you end up getting none of them done because none of them had enough energy. None of them had enough oomph behind them to make them happen.

So I think it's probably just making a decision that if you actually want to do 6 things, take them one at a time and understand that the only way you're going to get the 6 things done is if you focus on each one of them and think about prioritizing them and what they may look like or And because it's true, I mean, when you try to— I mean, this whole notion of multitasking, even in small ways, we know that we're inefficient at it. People do it, but they're bad at it. They, you know, they don't really multitask with any level of efficiency or proficiency. And so I think it's just a matter of I'm going to do one thing, I'm going to get a win, and it's going to give me confidence now that I can do another thing and get a win. And then you start feeling like getting some momentum around that. You know, we've talked about this many times as far as it can be difficult whether it's 6 things you're trying to do or 1 really big thing you're trying to do. In many cases, that really big thing may be chunked up into 6 things that have to happen in order for that to take place. And so it's figuring out, you know, what's the order, you know, what is it that I want? Chunking it up into those things so that, you know, because I think it's very difficult to sustain momentum over something that might take you 6 months or might take you a year and just constantly be looking at the top of that mountain like we talked about without recognizing and celebrating some of the progress you're making along the way. So identify what that looks like. Do one thing at a time, you know, do it well, use it to fuel your confidence that, um, you know, you'll do the next thing. And you'll figure it out. I mean, even now, I mean, you know, years later, there's plenty of times where I'll have a challenge in front of me and someone will ask, well, what are you going to do? And I'm like, I don't have the slightest idea. I mean, and I truly don't. I mean, I really— but my— but I don't really ever get worried about it because the history, at least for me, for the most part, is that I will figure it out. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but at some point some confluence of events or something or some light bulb will go off or I'll read something or whatever. It's like, I got it. And, and you just kind of try to trust that a little bit, even if it's not always on a timeline that always feels the best, you know. And so I, I go through that a little bit where, um, I don't always—

yeah, that happens to me too. I mean, I figure, I figure it out, but it's like Man alive, if I could compress that, if I could compress that curve, you know, whatever that looks like of going from, from here to where I figured out, you know, there's the, there's the challenge.

Well, and this goes to me where I think my most valuable time to think about anything is not while I'm awake. And this is a real problem. I should sleep most of the day and I would be much more productive as a human because There are so many times where I absolutely work through problems and then I wake up in the morning and I'll have the answer to something. In fact, years ago when I had my own agency, I used to try to figure out there's got to be a way to bill clients for the time that I'm asleep because the valuable work—

as productive as that is—

the biggest ideas, the, you know, being able to work out tough challenges or identify certain opportunities for them came while I was asleep and I woke up and it's like, okay, this is wrong. How do I put that in my—

yeah, well, that may be my, that may be my answer. That may be my answer because I'm a hopeless insomniac. So there you go. I'm not sleeping enough.

Sleeping is good.

Sleeping.

Although sometimes when your brain is that active, it can kind of keep you awake too, you know.

But right.

I think if you can kind of split the difference there, um, I'm not sure it's the most restful sleep in the world, but it is productive though. Yeah.

Have you found through the years, have you found, have you said, have you found reciprocal relationships? Meaning somebody's kind of helping you through it and simultaneously you're kind of helping them with their stuff. Have you found that helpful when it comes to these kinds of things?

Oh, sure. Oh yeah.

You know, um, and, and it's usually, I mean, I realize people talk about accountability partners, and I'm— and that's kind of sort of the idea, but somebody who— it's, it's, it's more than that.

It's, it's definitely more than that. I mean, it's not just about that, but it's, it's someone who you can confide in, someone you trust, someone who, um, and oftentimes is there, is just knows you well, you know, listen, right? And I think it's the people like that are just help You know, there's so much noise in our own head about things, you know, because what we'll do is we think, all right, here's a challenge we have, and we explain it to someone else, and then they tell us, okay, you know, here, here's kind of my thinking around this, and you're like, oh, but you don't understand because there's 94 other things going on here that you're not considering. And you know what? Good for them, because that's what screws you up, basically, for the most part. I mean, if you just literally just broke things down to what they really are, you know, and these decisions are much simpler and we want to overcomplicate. Uh, so it can be really helpful to have someone who, you know, sees it for what it is, cuts through the morass of all the noise and head trash we have going on. And it can be really helpful in bringing clarity to something that doesn't always feel clear. And then until later it feels clear because then when it's all said and done and 6 months later you're looking at it like, what was I thinking? You know, like, right, like, how long did it take me that long to come to that conclusion? So, so hopefully they will not only provide clarity but kind of short.

I've been on a crusade for— I've been on a crusade for about 6 weeks now of asking, particularly asking business owners, and these are, these are, these are guys and gals that I would describe running companies that are probably $10 to $200 million. So it's a, it's a wide, and this is a completely unscientific approach, but I've begun asking some questions. It started with me asking questions about encouragement and it kind of morphed into asking, is there one person, and you may not take advantage of it right now, but is there one person that you feel safe enough that you could go to and you feel like that they have enough insight that they understand you and get you and your situation that you could go to. And the answers are just shocking, shockingly depressing of the people that will, they'll look up at this, you know, and you can tell that they're, they're running through those mental Rolodex of people in their life. And more often than not, the answer comes back. No.

Well, you know, what's interesting for me is that those people that you mentioned, for me or not, they don't live in my immediate orbit, which is really helpful. So these are people that I've known a long time. They know me well, but they live in another part of the country. And it's really kind of cool when you think about it, because it's almost like going off in a bubble somewhere and being able to have real conversations and then go back. And they're not— these aren't people who are touched by your everyday life in that way, or now look at the people around you differently because of stories you're sharing or things like that, right? And that can be, that can be pretty helpful, you know, by and large. But I guess what I'm hopeful for, maybe Thanksgiving, is that we can get people to start conversations about what they want for next year, identify the people, to your point, who are those people that you can rely on? Don't choose big things necessarily. Start small. And choose some little things and get a couple of wins under your belt and have it feel like, okay, I have some confidence now that if I decide what I want, know what that looks like, have some people, you know, help me in the different ways that, you know, I could benefit. Then all of a sudden we can start getting folks on a roll to do that. And, you know, so I think have the conversation, pick yourself up a copy of What Anyone Can Do for the Holidays.

Exactly. Yeah.

And I do think it'll, it'll be really helpful for people. It really does give them a pretty— it's obviously it's an easy read and it's a simple roadmap for how to go about getting the things that you want for your life. And all it really takes is— yeah.

And it's, and it's not a bunch of ethereal, you know, generic talk. I mean, it's, it's Well, you've got a people plan in the book. So I've had something happen quite serendipitously, had a young person come to me and wanted to kind of run a big, big lifelong goal to me. And I don't know why I did it, but I'd been thinking about encouragement. And so I leaned heavily into just pushing hard and giving all the encouragement that I could. I thought it was a brilliant idea. I knew that he and his wife could pull this off and he was thinking it through. And I challenged him with a few questions and I've, I've gotten more good out of that for myself, you know? So maybe, maybe here's, we kind of wind down. Some advice would be, There's nothing wrong with you seeking out somebody that you think, you know, I might be able to help them, I might be able to do something for them. Yeah, because it can come back for you big time.

Oh, I think it's huge. The whole notion, you know, it's not just a line that it's better to give than to receive, right? And we all know what that feels like and what that's about. Now, the recipient, of course, you can't want for someone what they don't want for themselves. Themselves. But if you know in fact they do want for themselves and they just need that little bit of a lift in whatever way that may be, it's hugely beneficial, of course. And so, so yeah, yeah, so this Thanksgiving, find someone you can help. Reach out to someone who can help you do what you want to need to do. Get a copy of What Anyone Can Do so both of you can go through it and figure out what your plan is going forward, and then just make it happen. You know, it shouldn't be fascinating. I could not believe 2020 is coming up.

It's unbelievable. It really is unbelievable. Well, let me, uh, let me, I'll give my parting shot and then you can close this out. I'm thankful for, uh, I'm thankful for a year. I'm thankful that you got the book done. I'm thankful that I had some small part in the, uh, kind of the, the impetus behind the book for Year of the Peer Podcast. I would encourage people to go back and, Go back and you can find those at leobottari.com. That's L-E-O-B-O-T-T-A-R-Y dot com. You're the Peer. There aren't any new podcasts, new episodes of that podcast, but man, there are— I don't know, what were there, Leo? There were, there were over 50 interviews and some— it's some great content. And I can't think of any single episode that's not what in the content world they call evergreen content, meaning it's timeless. Yeah. Bleeding-edge technology stuff, but super stuff. You know, thankful for that. Thankful for our relationship and whatever the past and the future may hold. So Happy Thanksgiving to everybody. I'm thankful for the listeners and the viewers.

Well, I mean, I, you know, to all of that, and really thankful for, you know, You know, great, great family. And, uh, and, you know, obviously for you and what we're doing here and, you know, our listeners, and hopefully just, um, you know, have us all kind of on the same page with regard to what we're trying to do for one another. And, um, and it's all good. So to all of our listeners and to you, Happy Thanksgiving, uh, and we will be back, uh, next week and we'll kind of reengage this conversation about looking at 2020 and forward and what we can do from there. So with that, just don't eat too much and have fun.

Travel safe.

To learn more about our show and what we do, to submit questions to us, and to subscribe to What Anyone Can Do Podcast, please visit our website, whatanyonecando.com. What Anyone Can Do Podcast is hosted by Leo Buttari and me, Randy Cantrell. Music provided by Kevin MacLeod is Vibe Ace, licensed under Creative Commons by Attribution 3.0 license. Thanks for watching or listening. We hope you'll share the podcast.