How to Tell if It's ADHD or Anxiety (Similarities, Differences and the Overlapping Symptoms)

So it's tuning into, like, all the fun stations and the things it wants to listen to. And you're like, I need you to tune into the dishes. I need you to tune in to. Sending this email.

Hey there and welcome to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. A space to talk honestly and get real about mental health, therapy and all things wellness. I'm Lori, licensed therapist, speaker, and your host, here to bring you insights, tools and information you can actually use, whether you're navigating anxiety, healing your relationship with food, or trying to figure out which techniques will work for your life. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive in and let's talk about it.

Hey there and welcome back to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. I'm Laurie, and today we're breaking down the difference between anxiety and adhd. Because the symptoms very much overlap. A lot of the things that women, especially the women I work with, experience look the same. They tend to experience a lot of similar things, whether it's ADHD or anxiety. But what we tend to try to figure out is what the driving force is behind that symptom or that behavior or that struggle. So this podcast is not to label, it's not to diagnose, but it's a jumping off point to help you to understand who, what the struggle is if you're struggling with something and how to approach it. Because that's what we really want to do, right? If you're struggling with something, we want to try to make it better. This is about, I'm struggling with X, Y, Z. What do I do about it? That's always what I'm trying to do is to try to help someone optimize or perform better or feel better or feel calmer or feel more productive. Like whatever it is, right? And sometimes these symptoms or these habits or these behaviors or these patterns keep us from doing all of, of those things. So that's what we're doing today. We're going to break down this difference between anxiety and adhd. So I want to paint a little picture for you. If you kind of see yourself in this story, I just want you to think about it. It's like 10pm on a Tuesday. You've been staring at an email draft for maybe 45 minutes. Maybe it's the dishes in the sink or that project or task you promised yourself you would finish today. And. And somewhere in that 45 minutes of staring and thinking and feeling stuck, you're like, what's wrong with me? Why can't I do this? Why can't I get started? You start to feel bad about this stuck feeling that you're experiencing about not being able to finish the email or finish the task or get something started or just put the dishes into the dishwasher so you can get to bed. If this sounds familiar, you're in the right place and you're not alone. This is super common and that's what we're talking about today because we want to know, is this anxiety? Is it fear based? Is it adhd? Your brain is like, oh my God, we're broken, right? But you're not broken. It's. There's something driving that feeling that like, I can't get started or I can't finish this thing or I can't get off the couch. So. So I want to tell you right away, like, before we go any further, you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you. But we got to figure out what's going on so that we can do something about this. So what is happening is that your brain might be working differently than like, what you think it should be doing or how you've been told it should work. These things that we're struggling with often didn't just start yesterday. So we have a pattern of trying to like, force ourselves into something that like, doesn't work for us and works against us, and then we're frustrated with ourselves. So we want to untangle like, this confusion between like, how anxiety and ADHD look so similar on the surface and to figure out what's driving the struggle and understand, like, how to make a change. The thing that makes this a little tricky is that especially for women, women in their 30s, 40s usually have spent years of almost like compensating, putting on a facade, powering through, making it look like they have it all together and then feeling on the inside like they're drowning, which makes it even harder to figure out what's really going on. So we need to dig into that a little bit. So again, if you hear yourself in my words and these stories and these explanations, you're not alone. It's super common and there is something that we can do about it. So I hope that this is a place to start. Let's get clear right off the bat about what we truly mean when we're talking ADHD and anxiety, because they're thrown around a lot. And while as a professional, I'm super grateful that we have brought light to a lot of these terms and labels and diagnoses, to help really get it out into the mainstream and destigmatize it and create a general understanding of these things. Sometimes when they're brought to light, they get diluted over time and they start to lose meaning. So adhd, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a neurodevelopmental difference. It's something to do neurologically, like, with your brain. The idea, belief, understanding of ADHD is that when we break it down, like it's literally different wiring. You think differently. So it's not about like discipline or willpower. It's about how your brain, like regulates attention, manages motivation, gets started, handles executive functioning, like planning, organizing, making decisions, following through, stuff like that. So if, like your brain was a radio, ADHD means you're picking up a lot of stations at once and you're having a hard time, like tuning in to hear what you really want to hear. So it's not that you can't focus, it's that, like, your brain is like, but we want to listen over here. And it's trying to go where it wants to go. So your brain's like, this sounds good, this is interesting. And logically you're like, but this needs to get done. So it's tuning into like all the fun stations and the things it wants to listen to. And you're like, I need you to tune into the dishes. I need you to tune into sending this email. So that's the kind of like high level explanation that I'd like to give for adhd. With anxiety, on the other hand, and my specialty, it's like the threat detection is working overtime. So your brain's kind of constantly scanning for like, danger. But the danger is an email, right? Or a conversation you had a few days ago. It's not life or death. It's not actually like a dangerous issue. But your brain's like, oh my God, this is really scary. So your brain is constantly trying to protect you, but it's protecting you from threats that like, aren't even there. The example I like to give women is that you have a smoke detector in your house and if you go into the kitchen and you're cooking and you burn something, the smoke detector goes off. Well, with anxiety, what starts to happen is you start to walk into the kitchen and the smoke detector's going off and you're like, I'm not even cooking yet, nothing's burning. But the smoke detector is like, warning, warning, alert, alert, alert. So that detection system, the alarm system is thinking something's going on when there really isn't or when you start to get close and you're trying to cook a good meal, the smoke detector is like, but we're worried about this. The other thing I also think is important with anxiety is that your brain's job is to keep you alive. It's not to make sure that you have a good day and that you stay calm. We are here because we have this innate fight or flight that kept us alive and kept us going. Now it's working a little too well. And we're not actually in danger when there's an email or when there's dishes in the sink or when there's a conversation that we're anticipating. But your brain is still functioning on that, like biological wiring of fight or flight. So we live in civilized society, but your brain is thinking, oh my gosh, like, this is still so dangerous. So the confusing part is that both ADHD and anxiety can make people feel very scattered, like overwhelmed and stuck again, that frozen feeling of I can't do anything. They can cause procrastination. And a lot of times for women especially again, they can cause a woman to feel like she's not doing enough, not good enough, failing, even though there's so much effort going on because there's this like, battle going on in her brain. So if you're listening to this and you're like, wait a second, these both sound like me, that's really common because we have such an overlap. And studies have shown like 50% of adults with ADHD also struggle with anxiety. So if you've been like, living with undiagnosed, untreated adhd, anxiety can often develop like, as a response to this constant feeling of like, feeling behind overwhelmed or feeling like I'm not normal or I'm different or why doesn't my brain function like my friends or my sisters or my neighbors? There's this incredible feeling of just frustration and self doubt when you're trying so hard and feel like things just aren't working all right. So when we're talking about how ADHD and anxiety can kind of look like identical on the outside. And here's some things we're talking about this busy but not productive feeling. This is like when you've been working all day, you're exhausted, and then someone asks you what you got done and like you can't remember your executive functioning, the organization, the planning, the decision making is so fried and starting things, switching tasks, never quite finishing. Both ADHD and anxiety can cause this. I'm constantly doing something, but things aren't getting Done kind of feeling. And the thing I hear a lot from the women I work with is I keep missing deadlines, which makes me anxious. And now I'm double checking the things because I need to make sure it's perfect. And now I'm even further behind. So these are how these like ADHD and anxiety behaviors kind of feed each other, because the ADHD can cause you to miss a deadline, the anxiety causes you to overcompensate, and now you're like caught in this cycle. And another way they look similar is that there's often a struggle with like boring and mundane tasks. Because both ADHD and anxiety can make it like really impossible to get routine things done. Paperwork, dishes, emails, following up anything that like doesn't feel urgent or fun or enjoyable kind of sits there. And then again what happens? You feel bad because things just pile up. A couple more examples, all or nothing thinking. I see this a lot. This idea of if I can't do it perfectly, I won't do it at all. It shows up with both ADHD and anxiety because the brain needs almost like this intensity or interest to engage. So it's like hyperfocus or nothing. I see this a lot in the people I work with who struggle with food. They either feel like their switch has to be flipped or it's not. They're either dieting and tracking their food and working out and doing all of the things, or they're not doing any of the things. And it's that middle ground of building small habits that is actually what creates change. So with anxiety, the stakes can feel high because anything less than perfect is super scary. And there's such an intense fear of disappointing someone or doing a bad job or failing. So it just stops you from doing anything. This is kind of where perfectionism also comes in. Some other things I see with ADHD and anxiety is like brain fog. So they both can feel like your thoughts are just like moving super slow and you can't get your hooks into any of them. Forgetting why you walked into a room, getting done with a conversation, and not having any idea of what you talked about. Again, we talked about like projects piling up. The to do list is getting longer instead of shorter. And then physical symptoms, the anxiety that this can create. With the teeth clenching, feeling on edge. Both anxiety and ADHD can cause physical symptoms because there's so much tension and the feeling of your body knowing that like something is just not right. And then the guilt. This idea of everyone else is fine but me, everyone else can get through the day and get things done. Why can't I? Both anxiety and ADHD start to tell this narrative, and then that guilt sets in and you just feel so bad about yourself because it's frustrating. Very, very valid. You're not alone. We just have to figure out what's going on and how to work with your brain so that you can actually start to make progress in whatever you're doing. So remember, even though there's a lot of similarities and it can often look identical with those examples I gave you, the root cause is what we're really after. So here's where I really want to give you some key differences so that you can figure out where it's coming from, so that you can then figure out how to approach it. When we look at something like distraction with adhd, your brain will, like, jump topics because it's seeking stimulation or novelty. You want to research something, and now you're going down a rabbit hole with anxiety. Your brain kind of loops on the same fear or worry. You're trying to focus, but your mind is going back to a conversation or a deadline or the thing you said, 15 years. So you get distracted. But you have to figure out, is this coming from a seeking of novelty and stimulation. I'm bored, I'm going down rabbit holes, or am I looping and ruminating on something that has occurred previously and now I can't focus? Another big one is avoidance. So if you are an avoider with adhd, you're probably going to avoid tasks that feel very boring, repetitive, or there's like lack of structure. If it doesn't interest you, if you're not excited about it, or if there's not urgency, your brain doesn't get excited and almost doesn't give you, like, the dopamine hit of the motivation to start that thing. With anxiety, the avoidance comes from feeling like something is, like, high stakes. So this is like when something feels really important, it starts to feel even scarier because you want to avoid the possibility of failure or being judged or being embarrassed or whatever it is. Again, with avoidance, the ADHD is going to come from, I'm avoiding it because it's boring. It doesn't interest me. There's no structure, there's no urgency. With anxiety, the avoidance is going to come from, oh, my God, this is so important. What if I fail? The next one is struggling with tasks. So in terms of adhd, again, you avoid the mundane, the boring, the repetitive tasks, not because they're hard, but because your brain just doesn't, like, want to get Started, it's not exciting, it's not giving you the dopamine to start paperwork, laundry, returning things to Amazon. Your brain's like, I'm good, right? I don't want to. And then anxiety is that high stakes or having uncertain outcomes. So the tendency that you might hyper focus on something small and safe, but now it's causing you to avoid or procrastinate on the bigger, quote unquote, more important task that actually needs to be done. A couple more root causes. So for something like motivation with adhd, the motivation again is spiked with interest and novelty, or like a deadline crisis, this literally has to get done, My boss is waiting for it. Or that has to be completed because it's due in five minutes. You can start to hyper focus on something because your brain is fascinated with interest and novelty, or now there's a crisis. But when it's just typical mundane stuff, there's no excitement there. And for motivation with anxiety, that motivation does kind of spark, like reassurance and structure and safety. So when you know you're doing something right or there's a right way to do something, you can push through, but it's the uncertainty that is going to cause you to freeze or get caught or again start to ruminate. So motivation has like two different roads that it's driving down, whether you're driving down the ADHD road or the anxiety road. And the last one I want to touch on because it's super important is what is going on internally in terms of adhd. The thoughts I hear a lot are, I can't make myself do this. I don't know why, my brain just won't cooperate. I just can't focus for anxiety. The internal dialogue sounds more like if I don't do this perfectly, something's going to happen. If I mess this up, people will judge me. If this doesn't work out just right, they won't like me or they'll be disappointed in me. Again, very driven from fear of failure. It's dangerous, uncertainty, stuff like that. So if you're listening to all that and you're like, that sounds like me or that sounds like me, and things are really starting to resonate. This is the really exciting part because this is where we actually can do something about this. So here's where we want to figure out. How do we address this? As I was talking and you're like, oh, this really sounds like my brain comes at it from an ADHD perspective or. Or you're like, oh, no. I feel based on that information more Anxiety driven. Here's how we figure it out. So if you think it's more ADHD led if things feel boring, here's a couple things you can do. Add stimulation. Turn on music. Set a timer. Move your body while you're thinking about it. Work at a coffee shop where there's like background activity. If adding stimulation helps you focus, then the ADHD mechanisms are probably what's causing the struggle. If it's scary, if it's anxiety, led Try to calm your nervous system. So take some deep breaths. Stretch, Go for a short walk. Ground yourself. If calming techniques help you focus and accomplish things, this tells us that it's anxiety that's probably driving the struggle. What's important to remember is this is obviously not perfect science. It's just a jumping off point for you to get an understanding of what your brain needs at any given moment. There might be a day where you need some extra stimulation and music in the background, or you need to go work at a coffee shop and there might be another day where you're like, I need to walk, I need to ground myself and calm myself, get out of my own head and then I'll be able to complete X, Y, Z. So this isn't perfect, right? This isn't an all or nothing. This is going to give you an idea of what's going on, figure out what resonates, and then give you a jumping off point to start to address it. I want to leave you with three last simple thoughts so that again, you can start to do something with this information. First, use that self check that we just talked about. Is it boring or is it scary? If it's boring, add stimulation. If it's scary, add calm. Notice what helps. Notice the difference. Your awareness around that is going to be a great place to start. Number two, instead of beating yourself up about why can't I just do this? Try asking yourself, what do I need right now? What does my brain need right now to be able to focus? What does my brain need right now to be able to feel engaged so that I can start? This shifts it from shame and blame and guilt to curiosity, which is going to give you a different answer and again, a different way to work with it. And then the third one is, please respond to yourself with like some structure and compassion. So whether it's ADHD or anxiety or both, you don't need more pressure. You don't need to continue to beat yourself up about whatever your brain is doing. You need to figure out how best to work with it. So if you hear Yourself in both ADHD and the anxiety things that I talked about, it doesn't mean, like, there's something extra wrong with you. It just means that you gotta figure out what's going on and figure out, what do I need in this moment? What do I need today? What do I need this week? There's constantly things happening in life. So if you have been feeling, like, overwhelmed and behind, your nervous system has been responding to that. Right? And again, a lot of these things have been happening for years, decades. So it's time to figure out what's going on and how to work with it and. And support it in the way that is best for you. Not because you've been doing anything wrong, but because maybe you didn't even know. So what I'm hoping for this episode is, again, it gives you that understanding so that you can understand yourself a little better if this is stuff that you struggle with. When I work with my clients, this is the kind of stuff we do. We're looking at patterns. We're figuring out what's driving them. We're kind of looking in the past a little bit to try to figure out how long this has been going on. We're building strategies and, like, a toolbox of things that they can use in any given moment. And if something doesn't work, I have another tool to try. Right. We want to try to figure out what's going on, where it came from, and what we're going to do about it. Not because there's anything wrong with the person, but because maybe you're just not working with it in a way that is productive. Right. That's getting you somewhere. So we want to keep talking about all of this stuff so that you feel like, okay, I'm not broken. I just need to come at this from a different angle. If something in this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear about it. Send me a DM on Instagram. Please share this episode with a friend. It helps get the message out because I know there are a lot of people out there who struggle with this. And understanding gives us an awareness of what's going on and again, how to best approach it and work with it so we can actually feel better, because that's what we're after. We want to feel like our best selves. And if we've been doing something the same way and it's not working, it's time to make a change. Thank you so much for being here. I will talk to you next week. And until then, take care.

Thanks for hanging out with me today on let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. If this episode resonated with you, it would mean so much if you'd leave a five star review, share, share it with a friend or come say hi on Instagram. Lori Streeter, your support will help this podcast grow and I so appreciate you being here today. I want to help people just like you feel like they're not alone and gain the tools they need to grow. Until next time, take care.