The Science of Gratitude: How to Rewire Your Mind for Calm, Focus & Emotional Regulation

You've heard me probably say this before. When we know the reason we're doing something, we are way more likely to do it, to put it into action, to put it into practice. Hey there, and welcome to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. A space to talk honestly and get real about mental health, therapy and all things wellness. I'm Lori, licensed therapist, speaker, and your host, here to bring you insights to tools and information you can actually use, whether you're navigating anxiety, healing your relationship with food, or trying to figure out which techniques will work for your life. I'm so glad you're here. Let's dive in and let's talk about it. Welcome to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. We're going to chat today all about vitamin G. And by vitamin G, I mean gratitude. Because this is something that comes up a lot in my sessions and we always see kitschy memes and graphics on social media. People are always talking about an attitude of gratitude, but there really is some truth to it and there is actual neuroscience to the power of gratitude. And you've heard me probably say this before. When we know the reason we're doing something, we are way more likely to do it, to put it into action, to put it into practice. So today is all about vitamin G, about gratitude. And so when I say that word, gratitude, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Because for a lot of people who don't understand it, don't have a gratitude practice, don't believe in it, they tend to think that gratitude is about just pretending like everything's fine. But what's important is that it can help us create a headspace where conflicting emotions can coexist. And this can be really, really difficult when we're struggling. So this is something, like I said, I do work a lot on with my clients, especially when it comes to things like grief. Because how do I have a good day when someone who I loved so much is now missing in my life? Or am I negating my own sadness if I acknowledge something that I found joy in or that I have gratitude for? And this is part of the difficulty with gratitude that I do think people struggle with. They think it's just about write down three or ten things every day that you're thankful for? But there is strong feelings connected to gratitude and what it does for you and your brain. And again, part of the contrast is this struggle between, like, good and bad or between struggle and gratitude. And so I want to show you that there is something accessible in any given moment when you develop a gratitude practice that works for you. Okay, so I have a quick story about gratitude and like my first foray into it or the first time that I was exposed to this concept, I was little and I remember I was young. I don't remember how young I was, but probably elementary school age, like maybe eight, you know, somewhere in there. And I remember sitting on my parents waterbed. And so yes, I grew up in the 80s and I just aged myself. I remember watching my mom get ready one day and seeing a journal on her dresser and asking her what it was. And I remember her telling me something along the lines of Oprah. Oprah said it was a good practice to write down 10 things each day that you're grateful for. And I really have no idea how long she kept up that practice in total kid fashion. Right? Like, I didn't think about it again after that until I was an adult and I learned about gratitude. And now I can smile when I remember my mom doing it decades ago because Oprah said it was a good idea. Before it was like this mainstream thing. So I remember that instance. And now it means obviously so much, you know, something so different to me as an adult. So there's this, like, point in our life where we're introduced to something and I want you to kind of think about, like, when you thought about gratitude for the first time, or was it, you know, a meme on social media? Or did someone teach you about it? Or really is this the first, like in depth conversation or explanation that you're hearing about it? Because we're introduced to things all the time and sometimes they don't land. Sometimes we don't even realize that it's going to make a difference. So I had no like idea at that time when I was little how important or, you know, happy that memory would make me Because I just remember her saying, yeah, Oprah said to write down 10 things each day that you're grateful for and never thought about it again. And now 30 some years later, I'm telling that story. So it's just cute to me and I'm grateful for it and it gives me the warm fuzzies. So while gratitude practices are something that so many people do and encourage, and while it does feel good to be appreciative and thankful, I want to get more into the science behind it today and how it really can create changes in your brain and shift the way you think and perceive things. Because that's important. That's the important part of it. Again, when we know why we are doing something, we are way more likely to actually do it and remember why this thing is so important to stay in practice. If we go back to the example with my mom, one of my gripes about gratitude is that it can feel forced or monotonous. Right? Which negates the reason we're doing it in the first place. So Oprah saying, oh, you know, write down 10 things you're grateful for every day, maybe you could keep that up, maybe you could turn it into something. But for a lot of people, that feels like a chore and it feels monotonous and it's not something that maybe people will sustain because it's just one more thing they have to do versus really understanding the reasoning behind it. So what is the science behind vitamin G gratitude and how does it really work in, in your brain? Gratitude activates the brain's like reward system, right? And so this increases dopamine and serotonin, which are mood boosters. We want these things. So when something you're doing activates that reward system and those chemicals, dopamine, serotonin are released, our mood goes up and we naturally want more of whatever created that boost. So think about, you know, petting your dog or sugar or, you know, people. There are people who have maladaptive coping skills. Let's say that, you know, things like drugs can really activate the reward system and, and cause a release of these chemicals. And we naturally want more of it. And obviously that's a discussion about, you know, addiction and stuff like that. But when we're talking about these other things, we are talking about anything that activates the reward system. And gratitude has the power to do that. Gratitude also strengthens the prefrontal cortex. And so this is the part of the brain that helps like regulate your emotions, increase your focus and reduces like, reactivity. Right. That impulsive desire to react when your buttons are pushed. Right. Or when someone cuts you off in traffic. So the prefrontal cortex is responsible for that stuff. And we want things that are going to reduce reactivity, regulate emotions, increase our ability to focus. So when you have moments of genuine appreciation, your brain activates or like lights up those circuits that are associated with empathy and emotional regulation, which is great, we love that. And over time, as that part is strengthened, like when you lift weights, you make a muscle stronger over time. Right. It doesn't just happen overnight. I don't go into the gym and can't lift 200 pounds, lift a 10 pound dumbbell, and then the next day I can lift a 200 pound dumb or a 200 pound barbell. Like, it doesn't work like that, right? It takes time, but over time it's strengthened. You can like build that muscle and make it stronger. So the same thing with using gratitude to strengthen these areas of your brain. You become better over time at managing your emotions. You train your brain to focus on what you want it to focus on instead of it maybe wander off or turning toward the negative stuff. And you have more capacity and tolerance for stressful things, scenarios or negatives, because that prefrontal cortex can help calm the amygdala. And the amygdala is what we call like the alarm system of the brain. So this is all interconnected. And when you have a strong gratitude practice, you not only get like the warm fuzzies, like I was saying when I remember that memory about my mom in the gratitude journal, but there are areas of your brain that are positively impacted and ripple into other areas. So when we have a practice of doing something like gratitude, we build new neural pathways. We strengthen these areas of our brains. So with the neural pathways, basically you create like new little spider webs of thoughts. And with time, you train your brain to notice the positives and the appreciations instead of constant, like looking for a problem or thinking things are a threat, which is super important if you struggle with anxiety or anxious thoughts. And a final win. So we have it activates the reward system, it strengthens the prefrontal cortex, it strengthens new neural pathways. A final thing is that gratitude can help lower cortisol, cortisol being our stress hormone. And that's a great thing that we can easily add in throughout the day. If you're looking for ways to bring down stress and refocus in stressful moments. We want less cortisol at times and more oxytocin, which is like the feel good hormone. They have like an inverse relationship. So things like gratitude release oxytocin, like the love hormone. You'll hear it termed that sometimes. So as oxytocin goes up, cortisol naturally goes down. So even moments throughout the day of true gratitude, your cortisol comes down, right? Like we again, we love that. That's super important. We want cortisol to not be taking over and we want to be able to manage in stressful moments. So that's like the neuroscience end of it. And it's super, super important. And the fluffier side of all of this, it's like what I like to call, like more of the woo woo stuff. People love a Mix of both, usually. But there's something for everyone here. I want to give you like three quick wins for the connection between gratitude and mental health. Because again, like, this is super, super important. And anything that we can use throughout our day pretty naturally and build in, why not, right? Like, why not have all of the tools possible in your tool belt that could possibly help you with anxiety or your confidence and stress management and stuff like that. So a couple things. The first one is, when it comes to anxiety, gratitude can help, like, interrupt a spiral or overthinking and help bring you back into the present moment. If you're struggling and your mind is overthinking, you're overanalyzing, you're catastrophizing. Worst case scenario, what if this, what if that, right? You're climbing the what if tree. If you can have a moment of gratitude and bring yourself back down to earth, you can interrupt that spiral and, and come back to the present, which will help you retrain your brain to stop focusing again on what it wants to focus on and what you want it to focus on. So it goes back to like strengthening those neural pathways. Gratitude can help interrupt those things to bring you back down to the present moment so that you can do in that moment what needs to be done instead of your mind just going wherever it wants to go, or like pouring gasoline on that anxious fire or that spiral continuing to just move out of control. The second one in terms of self esteem is you can learn to use gratitude in relation to yourself and it helps you to reinforce your self worth. So instead of focusing on a mistake you made or like what you didn't get done during the day, you can say things like, I am so proud of myself for doing XYZ today. One of my favorite ways to help my clients to increase their self esteem is to acknowledge something they're proud of right before they go to bed. A lot of times before we go to sleep, we're thinking about all the things we have to do the next day, the things we messed up on that day. Did I leave clothes in the dryer? I have to do this. This is coming up this weekend, right? Like, it's not super positive. So having a good gratitude practice also right before you go to bed can help you acknowledge something that you're proud of and shift that headspace right before you fall asleep. It's incredibly powerful. So now your mind right before you fall asleep, instead of being like self deprecating, it is now in a self appreciation mode. And that can be really, really good. For your self esteem. And the third is that when we express gratitude toward others and it strengthens relationships, vitamin G gratitude can help reinforce what's working within a relationship and it helps the other person feel seen and supported and appreciated. So whether it's like a friend or a family member or co worker, neighbor, romantic partner, expressing gratitude for them or something that they did can go a long way. Everybody is different. So some people do feel really good when you say, oh, oh, I'm so grateful that you cooked dinner. And other people are like, oh, I'm so grateful that you're such a loyal friend to me. Right? Something external that they did versus something internal, like something about like their personality or their character. And so you can just like, you can try different things. You can express gratitude for things that people do and also for who they are and see really kind of like what hits home. But so often we will let people know if they've hurt our feelings or we don't really say anything. And so acknowledging what you're really, really appreciative of because of that person, again, whether it's, you know, internal or external, something they did versus who they are, that can go a long way in a relationship and that can be really, really appreciated. Like powerful and a powerful strengthener for your connection with that person. Okay, with all that said, I've given you some ways to like implement that and things to think about, you know, before bed with other people, all that stuff. And I want to address though how not to be grateful because it's also important and it sounds funny, but it matters. When I talked earlier, way back in the beginning, about the feeling of a negative emotion, right? There aren't any negative emotions. But we, most people would say, I don't love to feel angry or sad or upset, right? So we kind of call those negative emotions. When we talked earlier about the negative emotion with the gratitude and it causing some internal conflict, that is important because how do I genuinely acknowledge the things I'm grateful for and appreciative of while I'm struggling? Like while I'm struggling with something or I've experienced a deep loss. This is not an either or. It's not a but. It's an and this isn't I miss my mom, but I had a great day or I had a great day, but my mom isn't here. It's an and I can acknowledge that my mom isn't here with me on earth and, and still express appreciation for the day or something that has occurred. I can express appreciation for a day and wish that my mom was here with me, that she was present and still here. So a lot of times when we're struggling, it's not about trying to force your way out of that struggle with gratitude. It's not like, well, at least I have xyz. We want to genuinely recognize the feelings of gratitude but not force ourselves into positivity. That's not going to work if you don't truly believe something in the moment. If you are struggling with loss or you're struggling with a negative emotion, trying to convince yourself that you think positively, your mind is like, no, we don't. We don't. That's not the place we're in right now. You can express gratitude and start to experience the coexistence of the struggle or the stress or the loss and the appreciation of what you have. So it's important to recognize the difference in, like, feeling gratitude and forcing yourself to think positive. That's just super important. Like, when we're talking about developing a gratitude practice, this isn't a choreography. This isn't forcing something. Yes, when you are establishing a practice, you have to kind of be methodical about it, but this isn't about forcing you into something that, like, you don't want to do or trying to implement gratitude in a way that, like, it's just forced and just feels super, super unnatural. So we want to implement this in a way that makes sense. So that's an important piece of, like, how not to be grateful, how not to implement this into your life. On the flip side of that, a few you can do are, one, a gratitude reframe. So when you're feeling anxious, you reframe it into gratitude. Identify something that does feel safe or steady or reliable. Like, I feel anxious, and I'm grateful. I can take a walk and give my body some attention that is super accessible and pretty believable versus something like, I feel anxious, but I know it'll be okay. Like, your brain in that moment is like, no, we're not convinced it's gonna be okay. So that and. And reframing it and using gratitude versus just trying to think the complete opposite of whatever you're thinking. The second thing you can do is expressing it to someone else. Sending a quick note to someone you appreciate. It can really, really help. It can help your mood. It can strengthen the relationship with them. Like I said earlier, it might not seem like a big deal, but studies do show that expressing appreciation to others can boost happiness for both people. So talk about a win, win. And then, yes, like we said before, end your day with that self appreciation. I'm so proud of myself for xyz. And you can also add gratitude into something you're already doing, right? Stacking it with things like brushing your teeth. Or each time you get in and out of your car, anytime you're sitting at a red light, you can look around and be like, wow, I'm so grateful that, you know, I live in such a pretty area. Or I'm so grateful that I have a reliable car to drive. Or I'm so grateful that I had clothes to put on today. Or I'm so grateful that I have a home to return to. It doesn't have to be anything huge, but you can do it right before you go to bed, which I've explained that, that it can be super, super important and powerful and. And then also interjecting it into your day with things you're already doing while you're brushing your teeth. Like, feel the gratitude that you have a toothbrush and toothpaste before you get out of your car. When you get in your car, when you're at a red light, anytime you walk into the house, have a little moment of like, wow, I'm so grateful that I have a house to walk into. Think little things, big impact. A lot of this stuff people will say, like, that's not a huge deal. It's small. Small does not mean insignificant. So little things, big impact. Gratitude can seem like a little thing, but it can have a really big impact. What I really want you to remember is that gratitude isn't fluff like it's neuroscience, like we were talking about earlier. It can create change over time in your brain, in your relationships, in your life. I've said this when I've discussed other topics, and this is kind of what I want to leave you with today, because this kind of, like, packs a p. Neuroscientists say that 15 minutes a day of a technique or techniques over 15 weeks helps create change. That is the average amount of time when scientists start to see changes on brain scans. So things that are lighting up should be lighting up. Things that aren't supposed to be lighting up aren't supposed to be lighting up. Right. It's not to say that it could happen sooner or it's going to take longer, but on average, 15 minutes a day for 15 weeks is generally when these neuroscientists that study the brain and things like gratitude and mindfulness and progressive muscle relaxation and journaling, that's when they start to see changes in brain scans so you don't have to spend 15 minutes a day and set a timer and just be grateful for all of those 15 minutes. You can do it for a few minutes several times a day or you can do it for three minutes and then the other 12 minutes you can spend doing something else. Just try to implement a gratitude practice wherever it fits and go from there. But adding it into other things you're doing, like exercise, meditation, journaling, other techniques. Like I said, that's what's going to help create brain change and boost the positive and lasting change that you want with whatever other goals you're working toward. I hope you found this helpful. I really like to know why I'm doing things. If I'm going to do something, if I'm going to take something on, if someone is telling me, hey, you should try xyz, usually my mind will make more sense of it and I'll be more willing to put the effort in if I truly know how it's going to help me. Yeah, I'm pretty willing to like try things, but when there's like neuroscience behind it, I'm like, okay, I can get my hooks into that. So I hope you found this beneficial. I hope you'll find a way to build gratitude into your day. Tag me on Instagram with your gratitude practice that you're already doing or how you're going to make sure that you get some vitamin G into your daily life. And I will talk to you next time. Thanks for hanging out with me today on let's Talk About about it with Laurie Streeter. If this episode resonated with you, it would mean so much if you'd leave a five star review, share it with a friend, or come say hi on Instagram. Lori Streeter, your support will help this podcast grow and I so appreciate you being here today. I want to help people just like you feel like they're not alone and gain the tools they need to grow. Until next time, take care.