Why Balance Isn't The Goal

Let yourself off the hook. Don't focus on trying to make sure everything is perfectly balanced because I think you're going to get frustrated in the process.

Hey there, and welcome to let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. A space to talk honestly and get real about mental health, therapy and all things wellness. I'm Lori, licensed therapist, speaker, and your host, here to bring you insights, tools and information you can actually use, whether you're navigating anxiety, healing your relationship with food, or trying to figure out which techniques will work for your life.

I'm so glad you're here.

Let's dive in and let's talk about it.

Welcome to another episode of let's Talk.

About it with Laurie Streeter.

I'm Laurie, and we are talking today very quickly about balance and this concept of balance and what you see on social media in terms of this idea that we can have a healthy balance in our life. And I have never been a fan of the word balance. Yes. In terms of, you know, the balance beam or physical that we can do with our bodies. Right. Like, it's very tangible in that aspect. But in terms of, like, work life balance or, you know, personal professional life balance or kids and social life balance that we all talk about, I just don't see it as something that is extremely accessible for people if there are goals involved and our priorities shift. Sometimes our priorities shift day to day, sometimes they shift week to week. Sometimes we're in just different seasons of life. So this idea of balance is something that I think is talked about and fantasized about and people romanticize in their life. But I can honestly say that even when my life is harmonious and I'm loving it and I'm enjoying what I'm doing, I'm still lacking balance. But it's also not something that I'm chasing because it isn't something I'm going to focus on. What I'm going to focus on are my goals and my priorities. So if we think about this idea of balance, balance in my eyes and the way I talk about it with my clients and we have some really great conversations around this concept, but the way I look at it is balance isn't like a thing we achieve or a place we get to. Balance, in my opinion, is something that we do based on our priorities at that time. Balance is this thing that we are doing. If you think about it, if you're standing up, you're standing still, but your body is still balancing. Like, balancing is something we do. If you think about a gymnast On a balance beam, they are balancing. They're not perfectly balanced, even though they look even and their weight might be evenly distributed. They are constantly shifting to make sure they don't fall more to one side than the other. So balance, in my opinion, is something that we are doing. It's an act, it's something that we're working on. But if you think about balance in terms of this goal or this place you want to get to, I worry for people that they are going to be disappointed. No matter how happy I am, how in love with my life I am, how well things are going, things still aren't balanced. When I'm at work, I'm focused on work. I'm focused on my clients and whatever's going on at home. Short of there and being an emergency and them needing to call me for something, I don't know what's going on at home. And when I'm at home, I'm present with my family. Like, I'm never doing all of the things all at one time. And I think when we think about balance, when people are trying to achieve this concept, they're thinking they're going to be able to do all of the things without an issue and be able to balance it all. But you have to look at balance in terms of when I'm here, this is my priority. This is my focus. When I'm doing this, this is my priority. This is my focus. So even in terms of, like, work, life, balance, like I just said, when I'm at work, I'm at work. I can't be in four other places physically or mentally and emotionally. I can't be thinking about all of these things equally. I'm focused on work. And the same thing goes with wherever I'm at. I need to practice being present where I am because that is my priority in the moment. Here's another example. Currently, when you're listening to this as I'm recording it, I'm training for a half marathon. I have spent the majority of the mornings of my summer training for this half marathon. My workouts aren't very balanced. They are very running heavy because I'm focused on this goal of running this half marathon. Yes, I'm still lifting. Yes, I'm still incorporating stretching and recovery and foam rolling and yoga and all of the things to help keep my body healthy. But my workouts are, are, I would say, 80, 90% running focused. That is not a balance of different kinds of workouts. That is very running prioritized. Because I have this goal now. Once the race is over. Am I going to back down my mileage and my training? Yeah, absolutely. But right now, that's my focus. So I would encourage you, if you're chasing this illusion of balance and probably driving yourself a little batty in the process because it's just not something that I really think that we can achieve and we go crazy trying to have this perfect work life, balance or whatever you're trying to balance, I would encourage you to think about it in terms of what am I doing right now, what are my priorities? So, yes, right now, physically, literally in the moment, I'm at work, right. My priority is doing this or being with a client or whatever. But in the grander scheme of life, what are your goals? What are your priorities and your time and your to do list and the way you are living your life is probably going to be reflective of whatever that goal is, whatever you're working toward. Because you, if you want something, I don't want to say other things are going to be sacrificed, but other things are probably going to take a backseat to the tasks that are going to get you closer to your goal. So if you are super focused on building a business, I would guess that you're not maybe being incredibly social and other things are taking a backseat to you building your business. Now, is it going to be like that all the time? No. But in a short amount of time or whatever season of life you're in, that's going to be your focus. So I want you to think about balance in terms of something that you're doing, but making a list and more so prioritizing your tasks and emotions and thoughts and goals and whatever you're working on at this time in your life versus trying to make sure that things are perfectly harmonious. Because I think we're going to drive ourselves nuts in the process trying to make sure that we do it all, that we get it all done. For the example of my workouts, if I tried to make sure I was lifting as much as I was or doing as much yoga, I would be working out way too much. That is not my priority. My priority is training for this race. So, yes, you have to make sure that your resting and taking care of yourself and enjoying life. But if you have something you're working on, you're trying to really hone in on anxiety management or you have had bariatric surgery and you're really focused on your health and your physical wellness and your weight loss, a lot of your priority is going to be those things. At this point in Your life. So. So just think about it in terms of accepting that balance isn't perfection. Balance isn't this wonderfully harmonious place. Balance is something that you're going to be practicing and doing. It's going to shift and it's not a place that you're going to get to. Because once, like again, for my running example, once I'm done running, my focus is going to go elsewhere. Maybe my body's going to need more recovery. Maybe I'm really going to go back to prior, prioritizing, lifting. I'm not sure yet. But running is definitely going to be backed down because this race is going to be over and I know I'm going to need to recoup and recover and take a break from running so many hours a week. I also want you to make sure you're thinking about this concept in the realm of how this looks for you. And what I mean by this is your goals, your season of life is going to be different than your neighbors, than that person on social media, then mine, then your friends, whatever it is. Like your life right now is going to be driven by whatever you're working on. And maybe right now you're in a season of slowness and rest and recovery and just figuring out what your next thing is. And that's fine. There's nothing wrong with however people approach this. But you have to make sure that you're not comparing the way you're doing something to the way someone else is doing it. Because it's very easy to look around and be like, oh, I should be doing more, or, oh, I don't have as much of a balanced life as that person. Or if you have a goal, right? If you're training for a race and you're running a lot, you can't look around and be like, wow, I should really be doing more yoga right now, because they are. Or just whatever, right? Like, I think about when people are trying to accomplish something and they're not balancing everything because that one thing or that task or that goal is a priority, they tend to look around and get frustrated because of course, everybody else's life looks different. I just want you to focus on whatever matters to you at this point in your life, prioritizing where you're at, your values, making sure that your life, the way you're living, whatever you're working on day to day, is aligned with your values and your current purpose and your current goals, and allowing yourself to be present in that and prioritize all of that, whatever that is for you rather than being pulled into extremes or spreading yourself too thin because you're trying to do it all. Balance isn't about trying to do it all. Balance is right here. Right now. I'm here and I'm prioritizing this and then when I'm somewhere else or I'm working on the next task or I'm doing something else, I'm going to be present with that. Let yourself off the hook. Don't focus on trying to make sure everything is perfectly balanced because I think you're going to get frustrated in the process. Balance is something that you're going to do. It's not going to be something that you achieve or a place you get to because your priorities are going to take precedent over whatever else is going on. In general, because they are a priority, they're aligning you with wherever you're headed in your life. I hope that helps and gives you.

A little bit of a different perspective on Balance.

Until next time, take care of yourself.

Thanks for hanging out with me today on let's Talk about it with Laurie Streeter. If this episode resonated with you, it would mean so much if you'd leave a five star review, share it with a friend, or come say hi on Instagram. Lori Streeter, your support will help this podcast grow and I so appreciate you being here today. I want to help people just like you feel like they're not alone and gain the tools they need to grow. Until next time, take care.