Get to Do What You Love - Driving your Satisfaction

How do you define success? Is success the fact that you increased your sales this quarter? Is it that you made more profit, turned over more stock? Or is your definition of success that you made it through another hectic month with your hair still intact? And that's what we're going to be talking about today on Marc Haine Live. Welcome to this episode! I am so glad that you are here with us. This is where small business owners and entrepreneurs pick up core skill sets to help them work on their business, not just in their business. I am your host, Service Expert and Master of Experiences Marc Haine. And my guest today is Dynamic Leader Expert Diane Rolston. And today, we are going to be talking about how to move from working with a definition of success to a definition of satisfaction. And we'll get to that in just a moment. In the meantime, feel free to go ahead and subscribe to this program. I'd love to make absolutely sure that you don't miss a single episode as it's released. And while you're at it, why don't you let me know what you think of this episode? Why don't you put your comments in the comment box wherever you're consuming this information? And of course, really, really important. Why don't you go ahead and share this podcast if you know somebody who could use the information? This is the true gift in life is that if you know somebody who could use some information to help boost them up or help them hone their skills, then sharing the content is the best way to go. You know, if you've been following this podcast, then you know that one of my big defects is that I am an alcoholic. Hi! My name is Marc Haine and I am a workaholic. Honestly though, if I'm not producing in some fashion, I just feel like, ah! You know, if I get to an end of a day and I haven't done something that was productive or something I could look back on, I just It drives me absolutely bonkers. But here's the thing. Just because I work hard doesn't mean that I'm successful. So, this brings us to our Question of the Day. So, how are you defining your success? I'd love for you to be part of this conversation. Why don't you go ahead and put your definition of success in the comment box for this podcast? My guest today is, or was rather, one of my featured presenters for the Spring 2021 Audacious Leaders Summit. She brought the house down. Diane Rolston is called the expert on being a dynamic leader and living a dynamic life. After leading hundreds of events and programs in her 2 businesses, being a sought-after speaker in stages around the world, and being a published author while raising 2 young children and having a podcast, well, it's fair to say that Diane knows a thing or two about work-life balance and getting things done. Diane is an award-winning coach and the behind-the-scenes advisor to many highly successful achievers, professionals, and business owners. Welcome, Diane! It is so great to have you here. You know, I have to ask you.

Yeah.

You know, when you hear your bio read back, do you go, gosh darn it! I don't know how I do it all?

Yes. And I think, wow! There's still so much that you didn't talk about.

So much!

But I think that's true for everybody. You know, we all have so much on the go. And the reason why I make sure that that information is in my bio is, is not to be like, look at me, look at all the things I've done, but more so to, to be credible in the way of, okay, she's doing that, all that stuff and raising a family, or, you know, she's, she's doing all these different things and she's honoring the things she loves, or she's done all these things, maybe she can help me with that too. Yes.

Which brings me to before we get really deep into our topic today, why don't you tell us a little bit about how you actually serve your clients when somebody calls you up?

Yeah, well, I specialize in working mainly with female business leaders. And in working with them, a lot of times they come to me with 2 things. One, I can't balance my life. Like things are all over. I'm overwhelmed. I'm overworked, pulled in a million directions. I get kind of that side or I get the other side of like, I want more success. I want more confidence. I want more. And maybe I want more of what you have. And so that's usually where it comes from. And, and then I can work with my clients in a bunch of different ways, actually. Main way is through one-on-one coaching over Zoom, which a lot of people are familiar with now. And I also have group programs. So I do one called Dynamic You, which is the 9 pillars of being a dynamic woman that really helps you to unleash that dynamic, confident woman that you need in order to achieve the success that you want. I also have a program called Dynamic Balance, which is all about balancing the different parts of life. And I'm going to talk about that today. And I also run masterminds. So, that's kind of the coaching side of things. And as you mentioned, I'm a speaker, podcaster, and I'm also an author.

It's incredible. Well, and I always look at— I'm always blown away by how well some people have it all figured out. And you see people who are really high performers and you go, gosh, I wonder how they do it all. And I will say that until recently, I wore the workaholic badge with a lot of pride. I mean, I'm a baby boomer. And so, growing up in the industrial mentality and then into the early years of the knowledge worker age and such, it was frowned upon if you weren't a workaholic. if you weren't 100% committed to the company you're working for. But I'm thinking, looking back and realizing that there is more to life. And that there are some real myths that are tied into this way of thinking of being, it has to be all or nothing.

Yeah, there are a lot of myths. Are you wanting me to talk about some or do you want to?

Sure. So, why don't we uncover some of them?

Yeah, yeah. The— what I often see people doing is they're like, but I want more success. And so the myth is, in order to have more success, I must work harder, I must work longer. And my feeling is, no, you got to work smarter. But then, like, what does that even mean? And so that's around being productive and efficient. And so, I'm constantly looking for ways of how can I do something faster. So, people are like, oh, I could never write a book. That would take me forever. Well, I went from basically selling the book on the phone to a women's conference saying, yeah, you know, buy a book for everyone in the audience, to getting off the phone going, I guess I have to write a book, to having it in their hands 90 days later. Right? And that book was also a program. It was the one I mentioned, Dynamic U. So there are ways that you can work smarter with your productivity, with your efficiency, and that can really help you to then have that time and space to be able to just like chill a little bit and to bring in the things that you love doing more so. So that's the first one. Then, the next myth I find that professionals are saying is like, man, I'm just too busy. I can't add in anything else. I'm just too busy. I can't add nothing else. Nope, I can't do that. And they start to get good at saying no. But they say no to the wrong things and the right things. So, the truth here is you are too busy to take on the wrong things. How do you know what the wrong things are? Well, are they in alignment with your goals? Are they in alignment with your values? Are they things that bring you closer to the ideal life that you have? If they don't, should be a no basically. So, you're too busy for the wrong things but you got time for the right things. But the problem is that people aren't spending enough time on the right things.

Yeah, and then it brings down to this idea of priorities. And I know that we're going to be talking a little bit about glass balls closer to the end. There's your little tease. We're going to be talking about glass balls. But this idea, I'm always blown away when people say they don't have time for something. Because if you got up in the morning and your furnace or your water heater exploded in your basement and you had a flood, well, you'd find time to work on that. You'd find time to set everything else aside and work on whatever was critical at that particular moment.

Hmm.

And yet, I find even with when we did the Audacious Leaders Summit, when I talked to people, I said, this is happening. Why don't you come? Oh, you know what? I have no time to do self-development. I'm too busy working. Or I'm too busy with this and I can't take the 2 days to do whatever. And yet, it becomes a question then of at what point do people prioritize what they should be working on at work rather than the stuff that they're doing being busy. And I call it the busy syndrome. How do they differentiate that?

How do they differentiate between being busy and being productive?

Yeah.

Well, with my clients, the first thing I have them do is to actually track what they're doing. Because we don't always know what we're doing. Or we think we know what we're doing. And then we look at what we're doing. Then we go, oh crap, I spend a lot of time where I shouldn't have spent my time. And so, I love the tool Toggl, T-O-G-G-L. And that's just a time tracking tool where you can type in what you're working on. And then, it counts what you're working on like all the time. And then, when you go— when you finish that task and you go to a new task, you just put in the new task. So, it's always one of the first activities I have my clients do because I want to know where are they spending their time. And we spend time because it goes away. And then, where can they save time, find time so that they can then add in the things that they really want to do? And so, even in my Dynamic You program, the first pillar is prioritizing yourself.

Hmm.

And if we don't do that, we'll never have time for the things we really want. And that actually brings me to the 3rd myth, which is you can do it all. And this is a hard one for a lot of the A-type driven, successful people that I work with, right? You think, well, I can do that. I can do that. Well, you can. You probably can. If I gave you any job in the world, you could probably figure it out and do it. But do you want to do it? And to what cost? And so that's kind of the second piece of let's look at all the things, have you write down all the things you work on, and then let's really define which areas should you be working on because it's in your zone of genius or your core competency, whatever you want to call it. And that makes you the money if that's the, the main goal that you have or that helps you reach your goals. And if it doesn't, then how are you going to delegate it? How are you going to get it off of your plate, or how are you going to make it more condensed and more efficient? So to look at your, you know, schedule, people like, oh, I can't afford to pay someone to write my blog. And I'm like, but you just spent 5 hours writing a blog. Like, no, I didn't. I'm like, well, here you wrote it, here you draft, like you did a second draft, here you edited, here you SEO'd it, here you did the images, and then over here you had to go and post it and then put it on social. That's 5 hours. Like, what could you have done with more, almost a full day of work? And they're like, oh wow, yeah. And I'm like, and then this person over here does a blog for $100 or $50 or whatever it may be.

Right.

And so, doesn't that make sense that you pass that off? Or sometimes in business, it makes sense to just not do it anymore.

Yeah, look at the results, right? Looking at the results of it. But it's interesting because those 5 hours, what is— and I always fall back. Somebody pointed this out to me once and I thought it was genius. is when you look at your time and you put the actual cost of your time. What would you charge a client to do this work? And then, you do the math and it's like, wow, it makes much more sense to get somebody else to do this for me because I could be working with a client at a different rate, at a much higher rate instead of working on the minimum wage stuff.

Yeah, exactly. And I even say this to people around cleaning your house or maybe a meal service. And so I've had a chef come in my home and do a whole, you know, week's worth of meals and put meals in the freezer for me. And I have a cleaner and people are like, oh, I could never afford that. And like, how luxurious or whatever. And I'm like, yeah, but I, you break things down. Like you can go out and eat a meal out or get takeout, but you can't have nutritious food in the fridge. Like that doesn't make sense. And even if you, if you think, okay, I can make About, let's, you know, maybe a bit more conservative in a business owner. Let's make $50 an hour and you pay your cleaner $25. That's just saved you 1 hour. And then if they're in there 3 hours, that's just saved you— but well, you're probably a worse cleaner, right? So you think of how much of your time you can actually gain back by taking a little humble pill and thinking, I'm not going to try and do everything. I can do it all but I choose not to do it all. That's actually the smarter decision.

Yeah. And the one thing you didn't mention was you hire the cleaner so that you can sit back on the couch and watch 3 hours of Netflix. Yes.

Now, I do.

That's about what you say.

No, but I did that last night to be honest.

We all do it. We all do it but we choose to do it, right?

Yes, yes. And there's so much joy that it gives me to see how sparkly my taps get. Because I just don't, I don't Windex my taps after like they do. And the other piece of that is I looked to the goals I had in my life. And so one of them being a really good relationship with my children and my husband. And this was a bone of contention for us. And I could not figure it out. We put schedules up and plans and had family meetings and everything. And it just continued to be a bone of contention and fell on me. So there I am, 11 o'clock at night, Trying to tidy up, trying to get everything put together, making the lunches, and I was like, I was like, I don't got balance with this, and I'm the one that's suffering because it falls on me. And so if I can't fix it myself, I need to come up with another plan. And so the easiest thing was to just hire a cleaner. I'll tell you, it saved in marriage counseling because that was one of our fights, and. How much cheaper is a cleaner than a divorce? Much clean— much, much cheaper. And with my children, I'm not nagging them as much because I know someone else is coming in to take care of it, that I don't have to worry about it. And so for those of you out there that are like, yeah, but I honestly cannot hire a cleaner, could you trade services with a cleaner? Could you trade services with, with someone else? And then what they offer, maybe your cleaner wanted. Like get creative about it. Could you and a friend clean her house and then come and clean your house? Would that make it easier? There are ways around it. You just got to think, how can I do this? Not, that's not an option for me.

Right. And again, falling back on the adage that it's too expensive to do it. When you are staying up until midnight to make sure the kids' lunches are done and that you put the dishes away and all that and you have to get up at 6 o'clock the next morning, And have to start it all over again. I can absolutely see how overworked and how overwhelmed people are getting. One of my challenges, of course, being in hospitality was that we were always faced with crisis of one sort or another. Customers upset. Somebody doesn't show up for shifts. Whatever. There's so many different crises.

Oh yeah.

And it really seemed like in a course of a day, I would run from one crisis to the next. And then, by the time I'm in my car driving home, it's like, what have I done today? It's like I did nothing on my list. How do people manage this idea of the overwhelm of a day-to-day?

Yeah, well, first of all, what I used to do is I would pack my day back to back to back to back all day long. Hopefully, there is that like 15 30-minute window for lunch. I packed my day so busy with meetings and clients and everything that there was no time for anything else. And on the days that I didn't put any structure in, oh, I just willy-nilly'd, you know, like I just did whatever I wanted and I didn't really get things done. And so I think there needs to be a really nice balance between a structure that you follow that keeps you productive, that keeps you efficient, that keeps you happy and not stressed With you know the the ability to also set boundaries of where does my day end and where does my day start and am I putting personal stuff in my day? So buffer time is a really great thing to have. I like to have a bit of buffer on the front and end of different meetings or different clients. I like to have a break between so many clients, and so I think that's what's important because. There are things that just pop up, right? And that you have to take care of them. And so, if you don't have those windows of time and if you don't keep asking yourself this one question, which my clients love, is, is this the most important thing I need to be doing right now? And if you continue to ask yourself that during the day and to check in because I think, you know, like I was saying about the blog, You could take the whole day to write a blog. And you could probably also bang it out in 30 minutes. So, it just depends on how much time you want to give something. But packing your day super full doesn't allow not just for fires but for opportunities.

Gotcha! Yeah, and that answered my question because I was going to ask about how when you have this buffer time and it's like, well, okay, I have 45 minutes on my schedule that's not scheduled. Like I have nothing. And right now, it's like, hmm. And I wondered how you keep from wallowing it away into the mundane of emails, social media, and so on that could tip over.

Let's go look at cat videos.

What's that?

Let's go look at cat videos.

Cat videos, yeah.

Yeah, the rabbit hole you go down. So, with buffer time, the main purpose of buffer time is to allow if there's any excess between, Things to also give you a bit of a breather. But if it's not filled with something that came up, then you fill it yourself intentionally though. That's the key word. And so, that means you have already prepared potentially. You have your goals in front of you. And what I suggest people do is you break it down into 10 to 30— 10-minute, 30-minute, and 1-hour chunks so that if you are, if you do have 10 minutes, you're like, oh cool, I just need to Uh, right here, I need to come up with a new name for this product. Boom, 10 minutes. I'm gonna just brainstorm that. Or here's a 30-minute activity that I can do. So if you have a list of tasks that get you towards your goals that can be done at a certain time, I actually just keep a notes section open, um, like the notes tab on my computer, and I have a bulleted list that I can just go along and click. And it's just little things, and it might be little things like book the dentist Right? Or go and like some posts from people or connect with 5 people. So, there are things that you can do that are repeatable, like connect with 5 new people on LinkedIn. You can keep repeating that every time. Or it could be read an article that is in my area of expertise. And it could be around goals, right? But you have to have that in advance. And then intentionally, you have to go, Don't waste time. Go over here. Pick something and actually go and do it.

Yeah, yeah. And I like the word intentionally because so, it's almost like you have these big tasks and these little micro tasks that need to be done in the scheme of your day. And you say, okay, well, these are the micro tasks I want to get done and I'll just use them to do the fill-ins. Yeah, yeah. And one of the challenges I think that a lot of people have is that they look at stuff and I hate to say it but I am so flawed because I'm also a procrastinator. And I'll look at my things and I'll look at everything that I need to do in a day. And of course, there's the stuff I enjoy doing. There's the stuff that's okay. But then, there's the frog.

Yeah.

The frog I have to eat. And it's like, oh, I so don't want to do this. But then, I have to be really intentional. How does one overcome this procrastination part of their day?

Yeah, so I talked about this a little bit at the Audacious Leader Summit. So it's around figuring out the reason behind why you're procrastinating. So maybe if it's something like taxes, you're like, taxes are just boring. I don't want to do it. And it's numbers. But you have to ask yourself, what don't I know about this task I'm going to do? Because if what you don't know about it is a certain way of doing something, you have a whole bunch of questions, then it's not actually doing the task. It's figuring out the answers to the question or bringing in an expert to help you. Also finding out, uh, what am I scared of with doing this? Is there something holding you back? So were you supposed to call someone? Were you supposed to apply for a speaking engagement but you're freaking out? So what are you afraid of? And then again, get the support in that. Now a lot of people who are A-type driven, um, you fall under one of two categories is what I found in, in my work. Is one, you get freaked out by the littlest deadline and so you have to have things done way in advance.

Right.

Like, I can remember in, in university, um, my roommate crying because she hadn't got her essay done a week before so that she could kind of mull it over and edit it all week. Where I'm the type that was like, the night before I'd be banging it out and, uh, 2, 3 in the morning going to bed and then racing in there in the morning to drop it off. So I am motivated by deadlines. And so What I suggest people that are motivated by these type of deadlines is to not wait for that last time and to set your own deadline in advance. But with someone else and accountability with someone else where it's like, hey, will you look this over? And you'll have it done a week ahead because that type of stress that you're putting on yourself is not good for your business or your career or your life or your relationships, your health. It's not good for any part.

And this is again, through my podcast and even through the Audacious Leaders Summit, the one message that came perfectly clear all the time is that you can't do this alone. And having a coach, having a mentor, having somebody that you can fall back on really is the magical key here, isn't it?

It is. It is. I have a client right now who's— she's been having a hard time making her cold calls and making calls to her customers and drumming up new business and filling her funnel of leads. And And I was just like, okay, we're not doing our next session if you don't call 5 people a day. That's it. You lose it. You forfeit it. And she was like, what? You know, she's done it every single day and she's having success and her confidence is growing. I had another client and he, he loves animals, loves animals. And he wasn't doing something that he said he would do. And so, and he, uh, when he came to me, he had just sold a business with 2 of his buddies for $75 million. So, you know, he wasn't hurting. His cut was $25 million. And, uh, and so he wasn't doing it. And I said, okay, you need to write a check to the like Hunters Association, blah blah blah, like one of these places that like goes and actually kills and like trophy animals. And he was like, oh really? And I'm like, yep, you write that check. And if you don't what you, you know, say you do, then I'm gonna send it to them. And so these are more extreme cases of, of like kind of putting that really strong punishment in place. But I'll tell you, people rise to the occasion. And after the 3rd day of my client starting to make these calls, something changed in her, right? Because there's the 5 stages of change, and she was stuck in that pre-contemplative. I think I should do it but I don't know. I don't really think it matters. I'm doing this other stuff. But we needed to move her into action. And so, the fastest way to do that was to kind of set the bar high for her.

Yeah, and make it non-negotiable, right? That's the big thing is to make it non-negotiable. And this is— I love the idea with the hunter because I've done the same thing. There was a horrible frog I needed to eat. And So, I actually wrote a check to the KKK with the date that said, if this is not done, I have to mail this check. And there was no way I was going to be set mailing this check out.

Exactly.

So, I can actually say it's extreme. But you know what? If you do something that— because we are. We look for satisfaction or are we avoiding a pain?

Yes, yes, true. And having a team for me has really helped. Uh, in my procrastination in one of two ways. One, I say to them, um, okay, I'm gonna have this done by this date because they need it, like, to do their steps. And then I've got to face them at the meeting when I don't have it. But that doesn't happen because I do. And then the other thing is when I'm a cog in the wheel, if I'm not getting something done— I wanted some new Facebook ads done and I just haven't done it. And it should be me because it's my words and such. But I ended up passing it off to one of my team members and just saying, go make them and then I'll just go in and edit them.

Yeah.

Because I was the cog in the wheel. I was stopping this piece from happening. And so, I thought, if I'm going to keep stopping— no, I got to pass this off. And I say the same to my clients. If this shows up on your goals every month, we got to talk about it. You either got to do it. We got to have someone else do it or just give yourself permission to take it off your list. That's also allowed.

Yeah. And it's interesting because what you needed to make that decision was you needed a mind shift. Because in your mind, you were the only one who could do this. And it's like, well, wait a second. Yes, I need it in my voice. But somebody else could actually do the work and I can review it and then go forward with it. And so, this is the same thing like I've seen in hospitality with chefs. Oh no, this is my recipe. This is my recipe. Only I can do it. Anybody else who does it, they mess it up and there's no way I can do it. And it's like, well, as long as you have that mindset, you're absolutely right.

Yes!

You have a philosophy of the power of satisfaction. And I'd love to dig into that. And we'll get to that right after this.

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Welcome back. I am speaking with the Incomparable Diane Rolston.

Wow!

Incomparable.

There we go.

How do you like that for an introduction? Does that work for you? Because you are truly, you're really amazing.

Thank you.

So, before we're talking about all these different things, the delegating this, the pushing forward and all that sort of stuff. But you have this philosophy of the power of satisfaction versus the power of Can you open that book a little bit?

Yeah, well, let me first tell you a little story about myself. I am a bit of a recovering perfectionist. So, I grew up, every homework assignment had to be perfect. And I always went for the most optimal result of everything I did in sports, in school, in clubs, Everything I did, I tried to ace it. Now, I also then got to a point where I was like, "Oh great! I've got a great job. I am engaged to be married, and I've got all these amazing things like we're going to buy a house. Like check, check, check society's standard of success, right?" And I was at that point though, and I'm like, "Then why every night when I come home?" Do I feel like I just want to open a bottle of wine and eat some chips? Like, why am I not happy? And why don't I not have energy? Like that kind of living energy that gets you going. I actually thought, wow, something's really wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be marrying this guy.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just getting old. And so I postponed my wedding. I kind of fell into a depression. My body reacted the same way. I actually tore my ACL playing rugby, and life was, you know, on the outside was perfect. Everyone's like, my gosh, you're so lucky, you've got all this amazing stuff happening. But I wasn't happy, and I see this so common in so many people. And you probably know someone, or maybe, you know, listeners out there, maybe this is you. And I realized I'm a smart woman, like, and I've had all this success Why am I not happy? But the truth is that the success doesn't make you happy. The success can help. And it was that time when I hired a coach that I realized, wow, I've been measuring my life according to success, not according to satisfaction and the things that truly bring me joy. So I don't know if you want me to stop there, but powerful.

Powerful. Some people like when you have the success, when you have the pleasure of completing a big project, when you deliver something that made a difference to somebody else's life, I can absolutely see that there's a level of satisfaction there. But then, if that level of satisfaction is at the cost of other aspects of your life, I can well imagine that that is destructive in every realm.

Yeah, well, when we measure things according to success, we're waiting for that moment of success. And sometimes our goals have a long time until the finish line. And so we feel like we can't be happy now and satisfied now, only until, right? When I, when I, when I have that house, when I have the promotion, when I lose weight, when I get married, when I have kids, when I— it's always the when I in the future, but it doesn't allow us to be happy in the present. And when we're very driven and success-oriented, we want to achieve and we achieve. But then, when we're on the top of that mountain of achievement, we don't go like, boom, flying in and look at me and look what I've done and I'm so proud of myself and look how far I've come. We go, whoa, there's the next mountain. I'm going to go climb it. And we trudge down and we trudge back up again. So, we lose the motivation of— I call this Motivation Mountain. I did a podcast on it. And we lose the motivation, the drive that we get, that momentum to take us up into the next goal. And anytime we have a little falter, a little fall, a little mistake, we judge ourselves so heavily because it's based on success rather than, oops, wow, look what I did and I learned these things. And we all know this, but are we actually implementing? That's the key. So, and I do need to bring this piece in because people always reach out to me later. Well, did you marry that guy? I did marry that guy because what I realized What I realized was I was putting all of my happiness into this marriage and like the coming up marriage, and I was also putting it all into the success I was having. And so I realized later after hiring a coach that I was like, wow, my satisfaction will come when I honor my values, which wasn't happening in my career. And so I have figured out my values, and now in my business, I've been able to honor my values. 80+ percent, like 90% of the time. And so, I'm able to feel satisfied every day. And that's where the Wheel of Life coaching tool is definitely a must for everyone, all of your listeners. I do this every quarter myself and with my clients.

Could you talk a little bit about this Wheel of Life? What is it all about?

Yeah, so the Wheel of Life is first of all, people want to balance work and life. But that's only 2 areas, right? And when you have work and life, work is one area in life because the wheel, my wheel of life has 10 different areas. For example, health and finances, career, personal development, friends, family, and on. And so, what we do is we kind of take a temperature check, an intuitive hit on like, okay, how satisfied am I right now in my career? How satisfied am I with my significant other? Even if you don't have one, how satisfied am I in that? So not how successful am I. So if you think someone's starting out their career, how successful are they? Not very. They've got a job, entry-level. Congrats, right? So they're not going to rank it high. Hey, how satisfied are you that you have this entry-level job? Wow, I'm so satisfied because I love the people and I'm really happy because it's a competitive market and I'm getting paid a little bit more than other people I know. I'm super satisfied in this.

Right.

And so, you can have a higher number. And then, when you look at the wheel and you go through it and you have that experience of seeing where am I low and where am I high, you can start to see, wow, no wonder life feels a little bit bumpy because this wheel I'm riding on has many highs and many lows. And my goal is not to make everybody perfect in the way that, oh, you're a 10 in every single category. It's just to smooth out the ride a little bit. So that the lows aren't so low. And so, people say to me, I don't know what goals I should have. Like, this is what I want to do in my business or this is what I want to do in my career. But I don't know what other goals I want to have. Well, the wheel, when you do the second step to it, actually tells you the ideal life you want to have. It tells you exactly where you should be focusing maybe on the next 6 months or the next year or even the next 5 years. So, it's an amazing tool.

It helps you become a little bit— it helps to become a little bit more self-evident, right, by doing that assessment.

Yeah, self-awareness is key. It's one of the pillars that I teach as well. And a lot of times, people are not and they're on autopilot. And they're measuring according to success and doing what society has told them to do and trying to keep up with the Joneses and all this stuff. One of my clients, she said, Daina, is it bad that I want to give up my really powerful career and I just want to like be at home and make grilled cheese for my kids and go to the park? I'm like, is that— would that make you the happiest? And she said, yeah. And you know the guy I mentioned before who his cut of selling for $75 million was $25 million and he was only 32? He could do whatever he wanted. So why did he hire me? He wasn't happy. And so that's, for me, solidified it. Wow, I wasn't happy and I wasn't having like that amount of financial success. And he, he felt empty as soon as he got that money and he was gone from the company. He felt empty because he thought, that's what I thought would bring me happiness. That was my goal for the past 5 years, was building this company. I've sold it. Now, who am I and what will actually fill the void? And so, we played with the wheel of life. And the fun thing is he had a lot of money to be able to really bring to life all the things that he wanted.

Amazing! And it's so funny that you said that because during the Audacious Leaders Summit, we had a courageous conversation with Jill and Nathan. And Nathan is a very— they're very spiritual. in many different aspects. And Nathan lost his job and he just got into this whole thing. His whole identity was crushed because he had lost his job. And this is the same thing with your client because he sold off his business. Now, his whole identity that he had that defined him is no longer there. And I can just imagine how devastating that must have been.

Yep. And a lot of people face this. This is very common. And this can happen from a marriage ending. This can happen from a parent dying, um, there from moving cities. There's so many times when our identity and our titles get like messed up. But the thing is, when you measure life according to satisfaction and you show up as who you are, you get to be happy with yourself, be completely who you are in every area of life. And your identity doesn't come from just your career or just if you're married or not. It actually comes from the whole area, all the areas, the whole life.

Yeah. And during the Audacious Leaders Summit, you tipped your hand onto something that I just thought was such a brilliant metaphor for how we're prioritizing life. And that is how we work with our glass balls. And I know it sounds rough. I know this sounds—

I know.

I'm gonna need you to tip your hand on this because I think this becomes the magical key of being able to view how we balance our life and how we work on things that are important to us.

Yeah, so people will say to me when they hire me, they'll say, Diane, I just feel like I'm dropping balls left, right, and center. I'm not following up with people. I'm missing out on opportunities. And I'm like, okay, so we just got to figure out what are your glass balls. They're like, what do you mean? And I said, well, you know, imagine you're juggling balls, and when life gets crazier, you're juggling more, and oh my gosh, things start dropping. Well, what if you knew that certain areas of life or certain things that are happening for you are actually rubber balls and they can drop? So right now, today, currently, if you came in my house, it's messy. Why is it messy? It's a rubber ball that got dropped. Because it can be dropped. But my children, glass ball. My health, I just sprained my ankle the other week, glass ball. Got to take care of that, right? And so, you have different areas that are glass balls and different ones that are rubber balls. But the problem is when people get stressed and life throws them a curveball, they seem to try to like keep juggling. Like, call this— you need to get into maintenance mode. So what can go to the side? What can go on the back burner? What can you just take a pause on? What can you clear out of your schedule so that you can actually just focus on keeping the glass balls going and let everything else just sit? And then knowing that this is not forever, and it shouldn't be forever. If it's forever and you can't pick up the rubber balls again, then you, you need more serious help. But know that you can pick up the rubber balls and then get it going. And when things get crazy again, let the rubber ones drop. And this time it might be different ones will drop. And that's okay.

As long as it's not the glass balls that are dropping.

Yeah, yeah. And sometimes I say to my husband, you're on the back burner right now. Like, I just can't, I can't focus on that. Like, we can't have our date night. It is important to me, but we can't. I just have other things happening.

Sure.

And I'll have to have those talks with my kids too.

Yeah, it's such a— like I said, it's such a brilliant metaphor because when you have all those balls up in the air, you realize that some things will bounce back pretty easily.

And they will.

Even the glass ball stuff, if you have really good communication, if you have really good follow-up and a really good understanding, those glass balls can become a little bit rubbery because it's all built on trust. But it's when— yeah, go ahead.

I was just gonna say, you know, you had messaged me last week about us doing this session today. And then yesterday, you had to follow up with me. I totally dropped that ball. And but I was able to like, oh yes, yeah, I'm on that and get the information to you, right? And so, when you're just okay with having those relationships and being honest about like where you're at, Yeah. I think people are forgiving. I booked a week. I thought school ended today for my kids for some reason. And I booked camp next week. But the kids have school. And so, I reached out to the woman and I just said, honestly, this is what happened. And she was like, no problem, like winky face emoji. We'll move the week. And so, you're totally right in that you need to have open communication with people. Don't try to be perfect all the time. Show your vulnerability. Show the truth of where you're at so that people can also connect and know that they can be themselves around you too. The worst thing is as a leader, or as someone running a team, or as a parent is trying to come off as perfect. It does not allow you to grow. It doesn't allow you to kind of come off being on. And it doesn't allow anyone who's looking up to you or beside you to truly connect with you and be able to grow themselves.

Absolutely!

We have this thing and I don't know what it is. Like I was joking the other day about how I felt that I was lied to by all the adults as a kid. Because when I was a kid, I looked at all the adults and said, wow, they have it all figured out. Everything. It's unbelievable. I can't wait till I'm an adult and I have all the answers. The biggest lie is that we all have the answers, right?

No, we don't.

We don't. No, no. And the person at the soccer field standing next to you cheering on their kids, they have doubts. They have fears. They have stresses and so on in their lives as well. And I think it's really important. I think social media, this thing with social media, everybody posting how well, how great their lives are, right? And everybody kind of then rating themselves against other people is is just so harmful in so many different ways.

Yeah, compare-itis is really strong.

Yeah.

And I see it a lot. And that's how driven people figure out where they stand. You're right. We compare ourselves to others. But the problem is we're not comparing ourselves to a true identical version of ourselves, right? So, I might compare myself to another coach or another speaker. But do they have 2 children? Do they have support around them? Because my family is in Ontario. Like, the circumstances are different, very different.

You should look at them and just say, do they have a multi-award-winning podcast? I don't think so.

Yeah, but how about if we just compared ourselves to how we were yesterday?

Oh, that's brilliant.

If we were 1% better than we were yesterday, then Great.

Yeah.

I think the only time we can really compare ourselves to others is to look at it as inspiration. Like, whoa, I'm comparing myself over here. Well, what do I like about what they're doing that I want to bring into my business or my career or my life? And, and just noticing— I don't think we notice and are self-aware enough. My neighbor was doing such— so great with decorating for the holidays, and I'm like, look at her again. She's even decorated for like Easter outside. Like, really? And I looked at it and I thought, wow, how, how, like, I am inspired by how she's doing this. And I like that she's doing this. And so can I, instead of comparing and judging myself for being wrong, can I just celebrate her?

Yes.

And so I celebrated her to her face to tell her how wonderful and how I appreciate it and how good she's doing. We're also a society that is starved for acknowledgement.

Yes. And that probably went miles because again, I'm a big fan of whatever gets recognized and rewarded gets repeated. So, if you have somebody next door to you doing such a fabulous job and putting your community on the map, it's like they need to be celebrated. It's like, why wouldn't you? This has been so good. As people watch this, and I'm always a little bit afraid and leery of Band-Aid managers, people who want the quick fix. Somebody wants to put a quick Band-Aid on something and then move forward thinking everything's fine. What are some of the cautionaries that people should be aware of when they want to instigate this change from being busy to being productive?

So, this isn't a quick fix. And it's one of those you need to continuously kind of check in on it. It's It's kind of like growing a plant in that, you know, you put the plant in, the seed in, and it starts to grow, and you're like, okay, I got to put some water on this, or I got to give it some more light, or test it out, I got to move it. And so that's the same with your schedule and your life. And if anything changes— so here's the key to know if you need to make a change. Are you again dropping balls? Do you need to, to figure that out? Are you feeling unhappy or a lack of energy? Lack of energy is also showing that you're unhappy. So do you have these things? Look at your schedule again. Look at how you're viewing life and and do you need to make an adjustment? So this kind of the checking in. I like to do the check in with myself on like a Sunday night. How am I feeling about my week? How was last week? But there are there are bigger overarching things. The wheel of life is one of the biggest tools I suggest that everyone use because I want them to create the ideal life. Not a realistic life or a society-approved life. And we really have to get clear on what we want so that we're able to say no better, so that we can say yes to the things that we want to have. So there's no quick fix to this. There's not. And there's no right answer for each person because everyone's very different. But there are a lot of tools that I have in my tool belt that I'm happy to share with, uh, with your listeners.

So awesome.

And it's, and it's possible. And as soon as things change, like for example, my father passing away in August, I had to drastically change how I did my business. Uh, I couldn't handle as much as I could handle before, right? It's kind of like getting a brain injury. Like, you've got to take it slow. And I don't think people honor enough their mental health as well as their physical health, their spiritual health. I think we just go, go, go and we don't really take everything into account.

So true. And like you said, crisis will throw us a loop that will test us. And I really appreciate that you mentioned the word values when you said that it's grounded in your values. How much more magical is that? That you can then turn around and say, I've been true to my values despite everything that's going on. And because of that, you can now have this satisfaction to what you're doing in spite of the challenges. Because we're not talking about a miracle. Tweak your nose and everything's going to be wonderful and a fairy dream, right? So, that's brilliant. As we wrap up, Diane, do you have— so first of all, some of the resources that you mentioned are going to be in the show notes.

Perfect.

So, the link I believe you gave us, the link for the Wheel of Life. So, that's going to be in the show notes. So, go to Diane's website and download this and check it out because it's so valuable. It's such a great assessment. Do you have any last thoughts about what we've been talking about today?

If your listeners, so I'll speak straight to them. If you can just look at your life based on how satisfied am I in each area, that will take the weight off of your shoulders to have to be striving and pushing and that kind of energy. You can still be driven, but I'll tell you, when you make that simple switch from measuring life according to status— success to satisfaction, you're going to have success every single day because you're going to be able to view it differently. You know, success can feel fleeting, but satisfaction is something that can stay with us every single day. on the way to those big successes. So, if that's the only thing that you do, that will have some really big powerful effects for you.

And that is a really powerful message. Thank you so much for sharing that. Could you let everybody know how they can get in touch with you if they want to check out your resources? But also, if they turn around and say, now's the time for me to start looking at somebody to help me out.

Yeah. So, What would be great is check out my website, DianeRolson.com. And I'll give you my personal email, Diane@DianeRolson.com. Just reach out. Tell me your story. Tell me what you're looking for. And I promise you that I will only work with you if we're an absolute fit. If you're not, I will suggest you to a colleague of mine who would be better suited for you. And so, just know that no matter what, I will give some resources, some tools, And I hope that some of you take me up on my offer, the offers that are my gifts that Marc is going to be putting in the show notes. Because there's always something that can help you move forward. And it was game-changing for me to get some of these tools when I started working with a coach.

Fantastic! And again, some people will look at that and go, well, maybe it's too late for me. But then the old The old Chinese saying about the tree, right? The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is right now. And right now, it's not hopeless. You're not stuck. You can move forward.

Yeah, exactly.

Diane, thank you so much. Thank you, Marc. I really want to acknowledge your generosity of your time, the generosity of your wisdom for sharing with the audience today. Honest to goodness, I loved it when you did the Audacious Leaders Summit. And for those people who didn't get to do it, haha, you missed out on something really good.

Maybe they have to buy the recording.

Maybe they can. Maybe they can reach out if they're so interested. They can buy the recording. But again, your generosity of the gifts that we put into the show notes, these are things that people could take these assessments. They can help move yourself forward because again, you can't see the label from inside the bottle. So, you need somebody from the outside to help you with that.

So true.

So, Diane, thank you so much.

Thank you.

As always, my offer stands. If you would like 30 minutes of my time to brainstorm your business with you and your team, please feel free to book yourself on my online calendar. The link is down below. It's the one that's marked meetme.so/MarcHaine. As always, I am at your service. If you haven't done so yet, I would really love it if you would subscribe to this feed. Go ahead and subscribe to it because it'll give you first dibs whenever I bring you the content to help you work on your business, not just in your business. My name is Marc Haine. I hope you stay safe, stay healthy, and dare to be the exception.