Personal Behaviour in the Workplace

Welcome to Anti-Bullying Week. In a study by the Workplace Bullying Institute, 37% of workers have been bullied with 57% of those targets being women. Aside from the fact that there's data, you know workplace bullying is a really big problem when they name a whole institute after it. But as a leader, what can you do about workplace bullying? And that's coming up next on Marc Haine Live. Welcome back to Marc Haine Live where small business owners and entrepreneurs pick up core skill sets to help them work on their business, not just in their business. I am your host, Service Expert, and Master of Experiences Marc Haine. I am so glad that you're here today. And today, our topic is workplace bullying. In a previous episode, we talked about the need for leaders to be present at work and to recognize when there's strife between their staff, between their employees on shift while they're working, to understand that they are in control of the workplace. And today, in honor of Anti-Bullying Week, I'd like to address This topic directly. We will get to our topic in just a second, but I have to say that I am so glad that you chose to spend some time with me here today. If you subscribe to my channel, thank you so much for supporting me. I hope today's topic helps you. If you haven't yet subscribed, that's okay. I don't want to bully you into it, so I won't mention that you can click the subscribe button down below and that you could share it if you wanted to. I won't say that because if you do subscribe, I mean, you will be notified when I bring you some fresh content. But I don't really want to bully you into subscribing today. So, I won't mention it anymore until we come to the end of the video. I will ask you though, do take a minute and let me know If today's episode is valuable to you. You can leave me a comment down below. I'd love to hear what your experiences are. Please feel free to participate in this discussion even if you're watching it on the replay. People can benefit from your experience. So, I shared some stats with you earlier. But did you know that 72% of the incidents from bullying are from people in authority. I hate to say it, but that could be you. So today, I'd like to know from you our question of the day. Okay, so first off, Have you ever been the target of incivility ever? And secondly, can you think of a time that you were unkind or impatient with somebody at work? I'd love to hear your experiences. Why don't you put them down in the comment box? I'd appreciate you sharing it. You know, we are all human. And as human beings, we are emotional beings. But the danger of letting our emotions rule is that even after we've forgotten all about it, Our victim, and that's what I'll call them. Our victim is left with the incident forever in their memory. I'm sure you can think of a time that somebody treated you badly. They disrespected you. Even might have done so publicly. Maybe they publicly humiliated you and shamed you in some form or fashion. As a victim, you remember it with such clarity. I'm sure you could pick a point and you know You could virtually say what the time of day was, who was in the room with you, who did it. But the difficulty with that is to the aggressor, it was just a fleeting moment. Unless the person was intentionally using their power to exert influence and dominance like a true bully, the incidental bully probably forgot all about it. It happened. It's over. It's all forgotten about. But you as a victim, could retain that memory for a very, very long time. And I guess as much as they say something out of frustration, like the aggressor says something out of frustration that was hurtful, they weren't the ones getting their feelings hurt. And that's one of the reasons why they don't remember it. They had an emotional outburst. They blew off steam. They did whatever. But they're not the ones who had their feelings hurt. You were. And that's why you remember it so well. As we discussed in previous episodes, we must take ownership of our corporate culture. As leaders, it is our responsibility. And when it comes down to bullying, this is one area when you think 72% of bullying comes from people in power. This is one area where it really truly does Start at the top. And so, that's where I'd like to address the bullying with you, the leader. However, if you are watching this and you are being bullied at work, then please check out the link below for the Canadian Safety Council's website. There's things you can do. There's no reason why you should go through life stressed out and frustrated every day that you go into work because you have a bully in your midst. And if you do need help, please do reach out. I put a link there as well to Anonymous Employee website. It's anonymousemployee.com. And I put the link there in the show notes so that you can go ahead and you can do something about it. There's no reason why you need to live with it. So, before we dig a little deeper, I just wanted to remind you that this episode is brought to you by my new book. It's called Lights! Camera! Action!, Business Operational Excellence Through the Lens of Live Theater. It tears down what it takes to put on a great show for your customers no matter what businesses you're in. To get a notification when this book is released, please go to marchaine.com/lights-camera-action and click on the Coming Soon button. I'd love to notify you when it's ready for sale. The link is down below. And so, please. And one of the things in the book is that I actually cover some aspects about problems with people. And we talked a little bit about this idea of dominant personalities. Anna, thank you so much for joining us today. Anna's got— let's see if I can get Anna's comment up on the screen here. So, Anna has some feedback as well. Oh, I don't know why that's not working. It's cutting her off. Sorry about that, Anna. So, Anna says, this is A topic that happens more often than not. I, along with my co-workers, were subjected to workplace bullying for years. We said nothing for a long time for fear of losing our job. And that is really a bona fide rationale of why things happen. We put up with it. We suck it up because that's what we're told. Ah, just suck it up. Or, don't mind him. He's just an idiot, or whatever. And so, like Anna mentions, no one should have to work under those kinds of conditions. So, as a leader, I think it's really important for you— oh, I don't know why that happened. Sorry about that. I don't know why that happened. It is a tech concern. Okay, let's do this. There we go. So, as Anna mentioned, no one should have to work under these kinds of conditions. And she's absolutely right. Life is short. And I realize that people need their jobs. But they don't need to be disrespected. So, as a leader, I think it's really important for you to take a moment and kind of reflect on what it means to be a leader and perhaps a bully. Because at the core of any conflict, at the very basic level is a person trying to accomplish something and a person who is being used as a punching bag. That is the def— for me, that's the definition of a bully. And so, as a leader, I think it's incumbent upon yourself to do some reflection because sometimes bullying is very, very subtle. It could be something like a passive-aggressive behavior where somebody's frustrated and they say something that's passive-aggressive. It could be venting to a colleague. And I mentioned this in one of the other videos talking about how leaders view their employees and kind of the backroom talk. And so, those are what I call the echo bullying. Those are the ones where people will pick up the behavior from the leader And because the leader does it, it's okay to do it. And so, when you're in the back room saying, oh gosh, I can't believe Donna did this. It's the 3rd time she's done this. And you beak off that way. The other people get the leading from you and say, oh well, it must be okay to talk like that about people behind their back. And so ultimately, it is rumor-mongering. And so, you're going off because you're angry at what somebody did or what they said or whatever. And then, your hands on the hips. I can't believe that's the way they behaved. In food service, and this is I guess a perfect example. In food service, when a server drops a tray of plate, what happens in the restaurant? The whole place erupts into applause. Everybody starts clapping. Ah! And I realize it's meant to be fun and light. But on the receiving end is a server who is now the center of attention for making a very public mistake. The server is not only embarrassed but now, when she is probably the most busy, has to stop and she has to clean up. And now, she's worried about what are the repercussions because she's probably been told 100 times, plates and glassware cost money. And you have a whole restaurant full of people clapping. Right? So, the big question is, Why do you applaud? We all done it. Why do you applaud? On the other end of the bullying spectrum are the manipulators. These are the people who are trying to dominate. These are the bullies that are out for an advantage. The theory is, if I dominate you, I will win. If I publicly ruin your reputation or set the seed of doubt about you, I win. If I could get others to take my side against you, I win. Right? Those manipulators are dangerous. There's a saying that I love to say. The way you do anything is the way you do everything. And if you are a manipulated leader, what kind of negotiator are you? What kind of leader are you in your business? What kind? How? What can people expect expect when they deal with you. And chances are, if you're a manipulating leader, you probably have a very low level of trust. At the core, these are not only bad leaders. They're basically not nice people. I hope this resonates with you and makes some sense. I really appreciate you dropping some comments in the comment box below. Thank you so much for your comments. My goodness, you are so engaged. This is absolutely wonderful. And Anna says, I'm blessed to be in a position of leadership now and I want to be the kind of leader that empowers my team and guides them to be the best they can be. I thank you. She thanks me for this. Oh, thank you very much, Anna. I appreciate that. That's sweet. Thank you. So, go ahead and put your thoughts down below. So, you've just learned that as a leader, you are a fallible being. Ooh, you're human. Can you believe it? The first step I think when it comes down to leadership is to be able to reflect. I think it's really important that you look at your behavior first. If and when you say something Besides making sure that you apologize as soon as you humanly possibly can, you reflect. Why did you have the need to say or do what you did? Like if somebody— you go to your receptionist and you are frustrated because they didn't finish the work. Do you say, hey, can I get that in like 15 minutes? Or do you look at them and go, what? You're still not finished? Right? How we say things, I think, is a really good indicator of first of all, our level of frustration and our respect for that other people. And what's interesting about the bullying statistics I gave you earlier, it said that the majority of bullying doesn't happen to new employees. It happens to people who've been around forever. So, it's this whole philosophy of familiarity breeds contempt. By saying or doing what you did, when you came out with the comment or with the unkind words, what outcome did you expect? And so, this is something that you really need to think about when you say something unkind or when you realize, oh my goodness, I can't believe I just acted like that. You have to ask yourself, what outcome did I expect by doing that? And a lot of times, it will be because It's passive aggression. I have seen leaders, especially in the food service industry. I've heard leaders say where they've given public hell to somebody, where they've reprimanded people in public. And when I asked them why they did it, their thought process is, well, by giving her heck in front of everyone, everyone now knows it's wrong and won't make the same mistake themselves. The problem with that is that when you affect everybody, everybody suffers. If you turn around to me and say, I don't know why I act that way, then I need you to dig deeper because we all have a reason for everything that we do. And I do mean everything. If you could be honest with yourself, you will ask yourself, Why did I feel it necessary to dominate that person? Because essentially, that's what it is. Step 2, apologize. And I know I've said this before. But now, you want to not only apologize to your victim but to your team surrounding the victim. A very good book is by Christine Porath. It's called Mastering Civility: A Manifesto for Workplace— A Manifesto for the Workplace. And in it, she talks about the spin-off effect of witnessed incivility. That is what happens to the people who aren't the target but who witness the target being chastised, or being bullied, or people being incivil to them. It not only affects the performance of the whole team but Neurologically, those who witness the incivility actually feel it just as much as the victim does. It creates stress on everybody. So, it's really important that you take the time to apologize not only to the victim but apologize to your team as a whole. And that takes me to step 3, which is let your team in and ask for help. Once you've apologized, let them in. Tell them what's going on. Now, I don't mean make excuses. Oh, I'm sorry I treated you so badly. But you know, you have to understand me. I have so much stress. No, those are excuses. I mean, tell them what's going on and ask for their help. Obviously, you want help with your immediate stress or whatever it was that caused that output, whatever that is. But you also want to be held accountable for your behavior. And Now, this is probably going to set some people's hairs on the back of your neck up. Some leaders will watch this and go, but I'm the boss. But you know what? You're also part of a team. And I think it's really essential that as being the team leader, that you are being held accountable. I've always said, if you're not serving a customer, you better be serving somebody who is. And that part of that is you are serving that employee that is helping you run your business. You are of service to them just as much. But you can count on them to help you be accountable for your behavior. Acknowledging the damage you've done and outlining with your team how you want to behave. It's okay to say, you know, guys, I'm really sorry I behaved that way. I never ever want to treat you that badly. The minute you open that up, the minute you have the humility to say something like that to your team, you and your team can then strategize a procedure that will happen each time you get frustrated. One of my coaching clients and his team came up with the word hippopotamus. Every time they felt that they wanted to swear, They would use the word hippopotamus. And it was pretty funny because it's a lighthearted word. It's fun. And when everybody hears it, they got into the thing of they would mimic Rob Schneider in one of the movies. I can't remember what the movie. Something about Daddy or Bad Daddy or something with— Bad Daddy. Oh my goodness, I'm drawing a blank. Anyway, Rob Schneider had this scene and I'm going to play it. Hip-hop? Hip-hop Anonymous? Damn you! You gave him the easy one! So, can you imagine the whole team? So, there were 8 people in the office. And so, the whole team, anytime somebody wanted to curse or swear or get frustrated, They'd yell, hippopotamus! And the whole room, everybody would go, hip hip hop, hip hippopotamus! Right? And everybody would be doing this. Of course, it lightened up the load. But that same token, it was an indicator that the person needed help. And it created an environment that people would want to help. It all of a sudden takes people and says, you know what? I'm struggling right now. I have a challenge and I need your help. But it was done in such a lighthearted way. Imagine the culture of a business when every time somebody got stressed, it turned into this fun kind of reflection. And lastly, if you're a leader, get yourself a coach. Self-reflection is fine. But you need someone you trust to be honest with you. Somebody who's not afraid to say, hey buddy, you're full of beans. It's somebody who you can hold account— who you can be accountable to, who you can air your frustrations with, and provide kind of that safety for you as the leader to be able to vent, be able to share your frustration, and be able for you to start thinking about productive ways to root those frustrations. Those 4 strategies can help you turn around and focus on your own personal behavior. As I mentioned, as a leader, it does start with you. As long as you are not an intentional bully, which is what I talked about before. And if you have the humility to acknowledge that you are not perfect, you can build a respectful team by modeling what you aspire to be. If it's not okay for you to bully others, Then, it puts you in a really powerful position that it's not okay for others to bully others. This is a short segment. That's all the time I have for today. Why don't you give me 2 thumbs up if this was of value to you? If you'd like more videos on dealing with difficult people, workplace culture, leadership, do check out the other videos on my channel. I've recently had Russ Dantoo talking about dealing with difficult people. I have a channel in there about Or a video there about workplace strife. I have Lorne Kelton who did a wonderful job talking about how we're in control of creating culture. Of course, Michael Kerr talks about bringing fun back to work. And so, that's part of the challenge when you're running a business is how you bring that fun back in. And of course, well, what the heck? Why don't you hit the subscribe button while you're at it? Go ahead. What? I said I would mention it at the end of the video. As always, my offer stands. If you would like 30 minutes of my time to help you brainstorm your business with you and your team, please feel free to book yourself on my online calendar. The link is down below. It's meetme.so/MarcHaine. And as always, I am at your service. And if you haven't done so yet, Why don't you hit the subscribe button? Ring the bell! Here's me bullying you again. I'm a terrible, terrible person. That'll give you first dibs when I bring you the content that will help you work on your business, not just in your business. My name is Marc Haine. I hope you stay safe, stay healthy, and dare to be the exception.