EP 206: The Alpha Male Lie: Why Most Business Coaches are Broke... Fake... and Full of It!

Welcome to the making of a dm. This is going to ruffle some feathers. The alpha male mistake. Ha ha.

Please buckle up and listen. This is about to go down.

So with that said, let's get started.

Question Mark Evans, when he stepping it down, he's closing deals. Time to tell him what the DM stand for. I'm a deal maker, A deal maker. But I'm not just a deal maker. I'm a dream maker.

Hey there, it's your boy, Mark Evans, dm. Welcome to another Making of the DM podcast show. That's right, you are the deal maker.

And dream maker of your life, sitting here in beautiful Parkland, Florida, about to.

Head back to Ohio for the summer.

As it is nice and hot and muggy, but it's beautiful green and it is a beautiful day today as I'm talking to you, I want to apologize for not getting a couple shows out recently. I've been absolutely buried in many different projects, probably like you. Sometimes we have enough time to do certain things and sometimes it's like, how in the hell are we going to get anything done? Just got a lot of things going on, a lot of cool things that are actually growing and expanding. And the truth is it happens, happens to us all. And what do you do when it happens to you? Right. I've had this on the schedule to kind of record. It's just timing, you know, to sit down, invest an hour. Because I don't just do the show. I have to create the notes. I pay attention to what everyone's talking about inside of the DM community, the DM alliance and the DM FAM, what are their big pain points, etc. What are the wins they're doing, what are they dealing with, what's their feedback? And then I take notes. And then I really, I want to be valuable to you. I want to deliver massive value. Your time is the most valuable asset you have. This is 100% free in dollars, but it's definitely not free in your time. So I want to say thank you so much for investing your time here because it means a lot to me and hopefully one day you'll be a part of the community, if you're not already. And if you are, thank you so much. You know exactly what's going on behind the scenes. We're talking about some real amazing stuff. And if you're not, that's cool because there's only certain things I can share in private, not necessarily on a public format like the podcast show. But today I want to let you Know, I guess like daily, daily messages from individuals that listen to the podcast show people I've never heard of in my life, ping me on social media and say, dude, this show is changing my life. I've increased my revenue by three acts. I've increased my net worth by many times over. Man, I was in a slump. And then I heard your direct message. You're talking directly to me. That's what this is about for me.

So if you've ever had, or I.

Should say, if this show's ever made an impact in you, please don't hesitate to message me on social media@Markevans DM or send me an email markevansdm.com I love to get those messages. You'll never get mad. I'll never get mad.

Like, man, quit sending me nice messages.

And if you have a big topic or a big question and you need help, maybe I'll do a show on that topic. But again, I don't know what you need help with. If you don't raise your hand, use your Twitter fingers or Instagram DM fingers and message me. But for the ones also leaving five star reviews, sharing on their social media and spreading the word, thank you so much. It means a lot to me. Like I said, I do this, I invest a solid hour and I want to make sure we're connecting with amazing human beings like yourself. Today's topic is probably going to be a little controversial and I'm cool with that. But it's something that needs to be said. It's something that I feel like most people feel. They just don't. Maybe they haven't been around long enough to understand what's going on with it, but it's enough is enough. I've been watching this from afar. I'm disgusted by it truthfully, and I have a lot of thoughts here. So I'm going to share some thoughts. And again, if you have something to share with me, you know and you know, or you don't believe what I'm about to share with you, please let me know. But I've been around the block almost 29 years as an entrepreneur in this game of life, I could tell you what's going on is actually there's a shift happening and the shift I'm excited to share with you today, the alpha male mistake, misery. So most business owners truthfully don't give.

Two shits if you got a six pack abs, if you drive a Lambo.

Live in a mansion and or call yourself a high performance coach. I know I don't I see all.

These alpha males screaming, alpha male number one.

A real alpha male doesn't have to tell you they're an alpha male.

FYI, they're sticking people on stage telling them they're a fat ass. If you don't have a six pack abs, you can't be successful, right? But being honest with you, my goal.

Is very direct and simple. This is what I care about, this.

Is what my tribe cares about. We care about providing for our families.

My goal is to be a good.

Father, an amazing husband, brother, son, friend and contributor to society in a positive way. I want to build a life that actually means something to me and to the people I love and care about. Mostly the truth is most of these alpha dudes, they don't live the life you think a lot of these guys, and again, I'm talking in, I'm not saying all of them 100%, but a lot of them have up lives, right? Them and them spouses, if they even have one, are on the fritz. There's a lot of weird peacocking that constantly goes on. You know, if you don't have a beard and a tattoo and you're not screaming and cussing and yelling at people and degrading them that you can't be successful.

I mean, this is silly what's going on.

It reminds me of a 16 year old girl trying to get the attention of strangers. It's weird, it's confusing and it's frustrating. Why? Because I see amazing human beings.

I'm talking to men.

Watch this bullshit. They think that they're not doing what they should be doing because they don't have six pack abs. Maybe because they don't have tattoos all over themselves. Maybe it's because they don't wear black all day.

Even though I wear a lot of black. I think that's the thing you do.

Over 40 and you don't have a huge beard. A big amazing beard. However, today they're saying how amazing they are and you don't have to believe any of this.

I'm sharing with you.

Just go pay attention to what happened 3, 4, 5, 6 years ago with.

A lot of these alpha males. I have the best spouse now they're divorced or on the fritz.

My children love me. I'm a great father.

Well, your kids barely see you. You're not a great father because you felt it. You crushed it in business. Okay, whatever that means by the way.

And now you've literally disseminated everything around you to make money. That's not success, that's Stupidity, it's insecurity. I get it. You can make a lot of money, but you don't need to disseminate everyone you care about in your life around you. It's sad. I see great men literally divorce their spouse. They watch one of these guys and they take their word for everything. They ruin their lives. I think of like a Tom Brady, a Michael Jordan, a Kobe Bryant. Everyone's like, yes, you know him, but why would you want to be these guys? Maybe you want their bank account, maybe you want their looks, maybe you want the, the way they hoop or whatever. But none of those guys, none of them have the family that I have because they'll literally ruin everything for one more season, one more ring, one more win. Now I'm not judging it, I'm not knocking it. I just am very worried about young men and men in general that doesn't have awareness of what's actually happening.

You read the book Relentless.

Great book. If you have awareness. But being a cleaner is not what you think it is. I don't want to ever be a cleaner. Do you think that, like, why would I want to ruin the things I'm doing this thing for? What, like why are you in business? Why are you trying to make money? Why are you trying to build this empire.

To help the ones you love? At least that's why I'm doing it. We're all crazy.

Some are crazier than others. But I do know when I hear these guys talk about you need a six pack abs to be successful. Have you fucking seen Warren Buffett? Have you seen Elon Musk? Have you just pull up the richest 500 people in the world and see what they look like? Now I'm not saying, I'm not giving you an scapegoat to say you shouldn't get healthier, eat better work out, etc. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that you should not be idolizing anybody at all. Your objective is to get 1% better for you. If you're overweight and you're aware of it and you start working towards a better version of yourself, doing your daily steps and actions to accomplish that goal. See, the thing is, a lot of people maybe like that, maybe like if a growing ass man is screaming at me, call me a fat loser, blah blah, blah, all this other stuff, it's a reflection of who they believe they were or are. They're calling me out and I get a little bit of that. But the way it's delivered is wrong. Too many Guys, in this Alpha space, it's overplayed.

You don't have to believe me. Watch all these Alpha events.

They're on the decline, they're going down in flames. People are fed up of that bullshit. They know it's not real. Now, I'm not saying they're not producing some better men sometimes, but if, again, this is, this is maturity. If you're a 23 year old male listening to someone in their 40s that thinks they have it all figured out, you literally could ruin everything that you genuinely care about because you're chasing or believing the wrong thing of what this life is about. There's no way in God's creation you can tell me, Michael Jordan, Tom Brady, etc. Guys like that, that have disseminated their life to win one more ring, one more championship, one more season, to get a divorce, to lose their kids in the divorce, to barely see them every, like, there's no way, at 84 years.

Old, when they're sitting there at their.

House, I don't care if it's a big house, little house, got it, doesn't matter. But sitting there saying, fuck, I should.

Have played one more season, man, I could have won one more ring. No, they're saying, damn, I miss my children's best times of their life. The partner that was with me on the up and coming, now everything is like, everyone's after something from me, they want something from me. They're always protected. They live life in protection mode, not loving and giving mode. There's no way, I don't care what anybody says, that Tom Brady sits when he's 80s, 90s, whatever. He's on his deathbed, he's wishing he played one more season. See, the thing is, everyone talks about winning, winning, winning, winning, winning. I love it, by the way. But winning what game? What are you winning at? What do you want to win at?

Where are you at in your season of your life?

Let's be honest. If you're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, you have children, grandkids, etc.

You're in a drastically different season than when you were single.

Drastically.

Maybe you have addictions, maybe you didn't have a good childhood. Guess what? Lots. Everybody's had a fucked up something. Everybody. Yes. Some are worse than others. I can't relate to the guys that have terrible, you know, David Goggins, if you will. I had an amazing father. Did they? Did I have some stupid shit in my life? Absolutely. And I used it as fuel. Still today, I genuinely think some of the Stuff that happened to me as a child has made me who I am today. I'm grateful for those experiences. I wasn't when it was happening. I didn't even realize I was just living. But I look at these guys and you know, like, they're projecting, They're sharing, you know, I love that they share. But again, I'm mature enough to realize what they're actually saying versus what they're not. And not only that, don't you have to sit back and ask yourself.

Do.

I want to be that guy? Maybe I want to look like him. Cool.

I can work out.

Maybe I want to have the altar. Like the things they have, the cars, the houses, the watches, etc.

Cool.

But you can have it all is what I'm saying. All of this. You don't need to burn your world down around you. The people that's been around to support you and guide you in your life, your spouse. I'm talking to men, by the way. Your wife doesn't have to be you. You got to communicate, share, grow, drive, develop together. It's a journey. I see some of you guys go out there, you go to one of these events, boom, divorce next week. My wife's not on board, blah, blah, dude, conversate, share, go through the struggle together. She doesn't have to be on a board immediately. She has to understand, first of all, maybe she's watched you for the last 10 years. Be a fucking slob, reckless with money, not do exactly what you say you're going to do. Not show up for the kids, not show up for the wife. Work, work, work, work, Barely pay the bills, screw around, drink too much, drug too much, whatever. You got to give her time to catch up with where you're at and where you're going. Are you sharing your vision with her? Reminds me of a lady I had on my team. Awesome lady Vanessa.

I talked about her. Magician versus mule. She worked for me.

She was my right hand lady. She was amazing. But as dumb as it sounds, I never even shared the vision of where I was going with the company. I paid her less and worked her like a dog. Of course she's not going to stick around for that. Why should she? Why would she?

I see men doing this to their spouses all the time. Guys, it's foggy sometimes, it's frustrating.

Often I get it. But a lot of these guys are chasing what society told them. A real man is status. Being buff, peacocking.

Like I said, behind the scenes, the majority of these men.

Are a wreck. They're Confused and they're just following someone else that told him this is the way it looks. You got to really understand what they're saying. Yes, you can pull inspiration from some of this stuff. But again, go look at the richest people in the world. The majority of them don't talk, don't act and don't look like any of these guys. Are they making money? Yes. But you got to ask yourself, how are they making money? The majority of them, the only way they make money is selling you this ideal of how an alpha male is. They don't have a real business with employees on site delivering value and products on a daily basis. And I get it, that is a business. But is that the type of business you're in? Is that the type of business you want selling people alpha male shit? The truth is, being a real man isn't about looking the part.

It's about living with purpose and being a true, genuine, good human being, period.

It's about improving who you are, who you are in all ways to better.

You and your family.

And it's not about being better than someone else. It's constantly improving. Me, me against me. I love watching people win. I don't care what you look like or what you do, I just love watching people win.

But I don't think the way they're delivering the message is meant for the majority of people listening to the message. I think they're looking at these guys.

As gods, as father figures, as the end all, be all and listen, if.

That'S what you want, cool.

I'm not saying it's bad, by the way, to have cool cars, watches, houses, I have all that shit, by the way.

Disclaimer.

I do not have six pack abs. And by the way, I've mentored some of these guys. I'm talking about in the beginning days when they were starting out. And I'm not saying I'm not trying to get healthier every day. We all are or all should be. But that doesn't mean you can't be a successful human being if you're constantly improving. It's called seasons of life.

I'm not saying you shouldn't try to go get more out of life. Definitely not saying you shouldn't try eating better and be healthier.

But don't use stuff that doesn't matter.

To look down on others to demean them. It doesn't make you a man and it definitely, definitely doesn't make you a successful man. All I want to do with this show today is to ask yourself, what do you really want. What do you want? Not the guy screaming at you on the stage, telling you you're a fat slob, a loser, a nobody. Sometimes that's needed to jolt people, but that should be done in a private setting. Maybe sometimes in a global setting, depending on the situation, depending how hard headed one is. But ask yourself, what do you really want? Not society, not your friends, but you.

As I sit here and talk to.

You today, in May, the end of May, I feel very confident that you can become massively wealthy without looking like those guys on stage. I know because I've done it. I do it every day. I don't need to go to places and fight people to show them I'm a fucking man. It doesn't mean I won't fight, but I don't need to.

Some of these guys, they can't even go to a. To a basic.

They can't even go to a public park without trying to fight.

Someone thinking they're trying to fight, they're peacocking constantly.

A lot of people have emotional damage and they're really good sales guys to get you to believe that's the only way to be successful. And it's not. You think Warren Buffett, Elon Musk, the Walton family, and all these other individuals that have way more money than these guys will ever have. More than likely, We all have to become better human beings as an individual. You won't be better by trying to be someone else. It might look like it or feel like it for a minute, but you are one out of eight billion people. There's only one of you in this world, and you matter.

I don't have a beard.

I don't have tattoos. I used to have some piercings back in the day, in the years. But other than that, that's about my craziness. I am crazy, but in different ways, as we all are. But success to me. Is to be a great husband, a great father, a great community leader, a great leader, a great follower of Christ, a great son, dad, brother, friend to others. Me and my wife talk often about this. Weekly, actually. My biggest fears I've always talked about is outgrowing my spouse.

Why? Because my wife isn't me and I'm not her.

We're different. And that's okay.

You got to ask yourself, who do.

You want in your corner?

Yes, today you're healthy. Yes, today you're hungry. I get it. And not every day is perfect, that's for sure.

But who says it should be? What do you want your life to look like? You can have all these great things. They all take work. I'm still trying to be a better dad, a better husband, a better son, a better friend, a better brother. Constantly I'm thinking about it and editing. Wow. Don't say that.

Wow.

Don't do that. Wow. Be a better listener. I'm just scared to watch men ruin their lives because some guy on stage said that's what they should do. This is the way they should look, this is the way they should talk. This is what they should act like. I've seen this with my own two eyes too many times. And that's why I'm speaking up. I'm saddened by it, truthfully. I am a marketer. I am a real business owner. I know what they're doing. I know why they're saying certain things. I know why they're putting a line in the sand the way they do. It's a very powerful marketing approach. But people are realizing it's bullshit. People are realizing it's not. That's not the only way. I was talking with a buddy of mine recently. They were going to do an event. All these alpha mother, you know, whatever males, TH10, 10,000 people are supposed to be there. Less than 17% show up. But if you go on their social media, they act like they're killing it. They're only showing certain views of the. Of the angles to make it look like again.

Propping them up, showing how great they are, showing why you're a fucking loser because you're not there.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you shouldn't go to events. I'm not saying you shouldn't expand your.

Palette in different environments.

But trust me on this, you can.

Learn more going to an event like.

That, knowing what you don't want, than what you actually want to get. I can sit there and say, wow, this is exactly what I don't want. That was worth it. But what do you want? What does it look like?

What is your perfect day? What is your perfect body? What is your perfect schedule? By the way, this edits as you evolve and. And become more aware and understand what you're capable of.

I think everybody listening to my voice.

That'S why I like Andy Friscilla.

Everyone listening to my voice should be doing 75 hard once a year at least.

Maybe living 75 hard. It's intense, but it's doable. You're not a loser if you don't do it, but you feel better when you do it. He's not Talking down to you. He's giving you tools. He's giving you a mechanism to become the better man, the better husband, the better brother, the better friend, the better version of yourself. And it's free. But you got to do the work.

Be careful falling into the trap of the Alpha alumin. Alpha.

Remember this, if people have to tell you they're an Alpha, they're not an Alpha.

It's mind boggling to me. I work with fucking killers and I'm.

Talking real money guys. And you would have no clue.

But they're real alphas. They get the job done. They're great husbands, even when it's hard. They're great dads, even when they're dealing with challenges. It's not what it looks like, it's what it is for you. What do you want your perfect day to look like? What do you want you and your partner to work towards?

Together. Together.

Don't ruin your life, their life. This is what's sad for me. I see men that are married, they get this idea that they need to be this person with this guy and their trophy wife on their shoulder, fucking.

Making out on stage and looking amazing, I get it.

But that's not for everybody.

Do you want an Alpha female or.

Do you want a cheerleader wife?

Someone that's there to support you and guide you and be there for you? Or do you want the wife that's like, yo, fuck you, no, fuck you, blah, blah, blah, I love you too.

Blah, you know, whatever.

What do you want? It's okay to edit as you grow. But I see these men that had these amazing children with this individual spouse. They go to an event or watch a guy online and five days later they're fucking getting a divorce. They're ruining not just their life, but more importantly the children's life that had no say in it because they're so goddamn selfish on themselves.

And it's a shame it screws up a lot of people. And we need to get a handle on this. And that's why I'm bringing awareness to it. Follow people that inspire you, not talk down to you. Follow people you want to mimic, not ideal. Don't try to be them.

Try to say, wow, that guy is amazing at this. Just because they're amazing at business doesn't mean they're amazing human beings, by the way. But you can learn from them. You can learn just as much. What you don't want is what you.

Do want by these individuals, by the way.

I'm always learning from everybody. Maybe they're great husbands. Learn from them. Maybe they're great dads. Learned.

My dad was amazing, My mom is amazing. They are amazing. They're not like me.

They're different. They think different, they look different, they act different. That doesn't mean I'm going to fucking eliminate them out of my life now. I might minimize conversations, I might minimize connection with them on certain things, but I love them to death. I saw what they gave did to give me the life I have to be able to talk to you right now.

It's not easy. My parents are in their 60s. My mom's deathly sick all the time. We've been sick for a long, long time. My dad, he's dealing with some real stuff right now. I'm there for him, I'll support them, I'll guide them, be there to listen to them, connect with them, help them. That's the season I'm in. Nine year old, six year old, amazing wife. Have a great group of friends. And all my friends are in the DM FAM DM Community Diem Alliance. They're my friends, I know them, I know what they're dealing with. I can connect, I can help, I can guide. They guide me, they help me, they fuel me. We all can help each other. Becoming a better version of ourself. I just say throw caution to the wind with this alpha male bullshit. Don't fall into the trap. Do not fall into the trap. You are where you're at for a reason. Yes, you're here to get better and I commend you on that. 1% better every day. Eat less calories, work out 1% more, make 1% more calls, ideally 10% on all this stuff. But like we're capable of so much more. That's why I recommend 75 hard. It's free. Learn about it, implement it in your life.

But don't take it as you melt.

Everything around your life. You'll realize what you've allowed in your life and you start adjusting it and making it better. Communicate with your spouse, communicate with your.

Friends, communicate with people that you care about. Let them know things are changing, you're.

Changing, we're growing, we're all changing and growing. But I want to see you grow together, not grow apart. But that takes leadership and that's you. That's why you're listening to the show. You're the leader. It may take a week, a month, a year, 10 years, I don't know. But lead, they'll start following, conversate, they'll start listening. Yes, some of Them might doubt you. Some will talk shit to you. That's okay. Use it as fuel to keep moving forward.

But because you got to look at.

Back on their side, if they're talking shit, they might have a valid point.

You've been saying you're going to lose weight for the last 10 years, but.

You keep gaining weight. Why should they believe you?

They're paying attention to not your words, but your behavior, your habits, more importantly your results.

So take that into consideration. It's you, not them. Lead, lead and lead work. You're capable of so much more. Like I said, I commend you for being here. I appreciate your time. I'd love to know your thoughts on this subject matter because I'm done with it. I've been done with it. I know behind the scenes on a lot of these alpha males, their lives definitely are not a life you want. You might want the money they you think they have. You might want the things you think they have. But trust me on this, you are you one out of eight billion. There's no one else like you. That's what makes you amazing. I know it. But do you know it? Start working on yourself. Become a better version of you. Get around your right tribe that will guide you and give you direction. The thing is too, in these communities, they just keep upselling you. Upselling you, upselling you, upselling you. You are the product. You come to my free event.

Boom.

Sell for 15,000.

Boom. If you really want to be a.

Man, it's 25,000 a year, 50,000 a year, 100,000 a year. I'm not saying you shouldn't invest in yourself, but invest in yourself with things and people that will make you better as a whole. I could talk about this subject for a very long time, but I know you're busy and I got to get back to a party, actually. My buddies turning 32amazing human beings and I'm getting ready to his birthday party here shortly. But I just want you to know I'm rooting for you. I'm here for you. I appreciate you listening and I look forward to connecting with you in the future. So with that said, make the day count.

Freedom. There ain't no question more Kevin's when he stepping the doubt, he closing deals. Time to tell him what the DM stand for. I'm a deal maker. A deal maker. But I'm not just a deal maker, I'm a dream maker.