029: How to stand strong in your power

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Hi guys, welcome back to Candy Crystals, the podcast. I'm your host, Mart Tweedyedy. So so nice to meet you if it's your first episode here, and to all you rabble who join me every week, thanks for coming back again. You can probably hear from my raspy undertones that I've got a sore throat again, and honestly, you would not believe, I've been doing this podcast now, this is like episode 29, I think it is, so I've been podcasting for about 6 months, and I have never, ever had so many sore throats as I have in the last 6 months. I don't know where they've all come from, I mean, one at Christmas time, obviously, if you've heard that episode, it was coronavirus. But what is going on? Like, I sound like Marge Simpson again. Anyway, let's get on with the show. I don't know where you are in the world, and I do apologize in advance. Obviously, if you want me to re-record this episode, please let me know because I'll probably re-record it at another time. But yeah, I don't know where you are in the world listening to this, but as I record this, it's bloody beautiful. It's Tuesday, 19th of April today. And the sun has definitely got his hat on in Newcastle. It's absolutely beautiful. I'm sat in my garden right now, so apologies if you can hear birds in the background. I've tried to turn the, the noise of the background down as much as I can. Um, but yeah, it's just lush to actually record this because the weather is so nice. I've had to sit in the shade though, being fair-haired and ginger skin, it's dangerous in anything over 8 degrees, to be fair. So seriously, I turn a bright shade of lobster in minutes. So yeah, what have you all been up to last weekend? It was Easter. I hope you all pigged out on your chocolates and your eggs, and I had a gorgeous 4-day break. Apologies to anyone who didn't get any Easter break for one reason or another. You might work in healthcare or another job that demands you to work on bank holidays, but big respect to you. But I actually had my very first day off since Christmas Day, can you believe? And I was caught up with all my orders. I had the week scheduled out with social media and to-dos. Me diary was up to date. So I actually had some time off and it was lush. We went to see Little Mix at the arena on Saturday night, so I was a bit worse for wear on the Sunday morning with no voice and aching muscles. And I thought that's where me sore throat was actually come from because it was like 11,000 screaming little girls and me. Um, obviously I was screaming. But anyway, yeah, we went to the coast. Uh, big up to anyone listening from South Shields, whoop whoop! And we did, um, I think it was just over 10 kilometers in walk with the pooch, so it was a bit nippy. I had me shorts sun and a t-shirt, and my fingers were like ice. Wasn't as warm as I thought it was going to be, but to be honest, it was just nice to get out the house for that length of time without work playing on my mind. I am loving being self-employed. And also this week I've had a huge shipment of crystals. Sorry, my voice, bloody hell. I've had a huge shipment of crystals and lots of new items as well from 4 different places across the world, and there are some right bobby dazzlers amongst them all. They're going live Friday, 22nd of April, so today, the day that this is live, at 7 PM on my website. So make sure once you've listened to this episode to go and have a gander and grab things while they're actually there. You all know by now as well as I do, when I do a restock, in just a couple of hours most of the stuff's sold out, mainly because you lot are wild, but mainly because they're all totally gorgeous items. So yeah, go and even have a look while I'm rambling away on this episode. Anyway, this episode I want to talk about how to stand strong in your power and being the best possible version of you. So let's get right into it. What does it mean to stand in your power? So whether it's in a relationship or at work or at home, standing in your power is such a powerful skill to master. And like anything in life, it becomes easier with practice the more that you do it. It means that you honor whatever is really important to you. It means that you know who you are, what you're capable of, and why you make the decisions that you make. So it's almost like nothing can rock your boat or shake the foundations of who you are as a person. But like everything else, most of us get in our own way, and I'm the worst one for this. It's really ironic that this is my podcast topic this week, actually, because earlier today on Tuesday, the day I'm recording this, I sat down with my life coach Jude, and the top thing that came up for me in today's session was all about self-sabotage and how I don't believe in myself enough enough, and it's something I'm actively working on. So who knows, this episode might be like bloody therapy for me after all. But yeah, we as human beings, we indulge in self-doubt and sabotage and mind games like, I don't deserve this, or I'm not good enough. But why? Do you feel powerless? Are you scared of what others will say about you? Do you feel overwhelmed by your circumstances? Do you feel like Inadequate to handle your to-do list? Do you keep sabotaging your own success? Then you're not standing in your own power. It's easy to give your power away. Like, do you let your partner, or your friends even, always choose where you're going to eat or which film you're going to see at the cinema? Do you bow down to your kids' demands and let them walk all over you? Forget the kids. Do you let your boss or colleagues walk all over you? Do you take on whatever you're asked to do, no matter how full your plate is already? Do you invalidate your own thoughts and feelings just to please others? What or who are you allowing to rule your life? Now, we all know fine well that pleasing others is a habit. You probably developed it when you were younger, when you learned that being cute or using good manners or getting good grades at school, that all made your parents happy and that made you feel good inside. Or maybe you had to push away your own needs needs to fit into your family, and you therefore learned to keep your opinions and your thoughts and emotions to yourself. So it was like the opposite. You, as in the real you, was silenced. Yeah, silenced. Very Oprah Winfrey. Um, you followed the crowd rather than making those waves. You learned to give away your power for the approval of others, and that denied the real you your true voice. And like I said, this is exactly where I'm at right now. I'm starting to discover so much about myself that I've come to realize that this is That's exactly how I am, and for years I've been giving my power away. So how do you stop giving your power away? Before you agree to take on yet another task at work just to make your boss happy when you already have a full plate, stop. Ask yourself what you really want and then honour yourself. Keep standing in your power as you clearly say no. In order to stand in your power, you've got to allow yourself the option of saying no. It doesn't matter what your boss thinks about you. It doesn't matter if your kids will get mad at you. You simply can't do it all without hurting yourself. And that's something that I've had to deal with lately with handing me notice in with the NHS. I've had to learn that I couldn't do everything myself. I couldn't do a full 8 till 4 job every single day, Monday to Friday, and then come home and do a full bloody Kenny Crystals shift till midnight. I've had to let some of it go. I had to not worry about what my line manager or my colleagues thought of me, or even me own family. And trust us, I've just had to stand in me power and go with what I believe to be the best outcome for the situation to allow me to look after myself for a change. Like, none of my family were happy that I've thrown away, or so they've said, thrown away 15 years of NHS service. Like, they weren't happy and they were all obviously worried and nervous and stuff like that. But this is my life, do you know what I mean? I've got to stand strong in my power, stay true to me. Kanni Crystals is what makes me happy. Kanni Crystals is what's bringing the money in for me, and I know that. So this is my life. I'm going to stand strong. I'm not caring about what anyone else thinks of me or whatever else basically says about me. I'm looking after myself for a change. And at some point, all of us face the choice of either claiming our power or giving it away. And you've just got to focus on what is right for you. So you've got to quit worrying about what other people think of you. You've got to have the courage to stand up for yourself. You've got to be willing to shock the people who assume that you'll always comply with whatever they ask of you. Standing in your power doesn't mean that you've got to be perfect. It means that you accept yourself as you are, your weaknesses and your strengths, your smart actions and your foolish decisions, no matter what anyone else thinks about you. So don't think you have to wait until you feel ready or worthy. Just remember, no matter what you do, Some people simply just won't like you. You'll never be able to make everyone else happy, and that's the thing about people pleasing. When you don't take care of yourself because you're trying to make others happy, you start to then resent the very people that you're trying to please. Whenever a situation arises where you have to make a decision about what to do, just ask yourself, okay? Stop. Ask yourself, am I standing in my power, or am I trying to please someone else? You've got to be clear about your own priorities. What's more important than your own balance, harmony, and health? Now, we all know someone who will bend over backwards to make others happy, when everyone else can see that they're ignoring their own needs. And if you can't think of anyone, chances are that person is you. It's the stressed to shit mum whose kids look impeccable while she hasn't washed her hair in a week and her clothes look like they've come out of the dirty laundry basket, all unironed and stuff, but that's exactly who I am. I'll bend over backwards for people and no one will return the favor, but I do it just because I'm a nice person, and I do it thinking that one day I'll get like good karma or something like that, you know what I mean? But you've got to stand strong in your power and do things for you, okay? So what are some of the things that you can do to stand in your power? So I'll say— sorry, Just clearing the throat. So the first step overall is to love yourself. I'd say heal yourself and feel good about yourself because only then can you take the step to heal others. Then again, when you're in a good place but at the time you feel low in energy, just be wise and withdraw from people that just look out for your help or attention because it won't provide you with any lasting energy. Another good point that I've discovered is to stick to your own truth. Now there are many people on this planet and obviously Obviously all of us have different opinions. We've all had different experiences and visions, but does that mean that anyone is wrong? No, not at all. That's the whole thing. There is no right or wrong. There is only right and wrong for you, and this is the limit that you draw for yourself. Which of the opinions I want to take in and I resonate with, and which of the opinions do not fit my reality? So you're here to learn and find out what is truth for you. Where do your interests lie? What makes you smile? If you stick to what you love to do, there's no one else going against it. Think about it. We look up the most to people who have found their passion and true purpose in life. You just need to stick to what you love and live what inspires you. I honestly believe that one of the biggest reasons why insecure people look to others to tell them what their worth is, is because they don't know who they truly are themselves. They don't spend the time experimenting with different styles or trying out new hobbies to really get a sense of who they truly are. And knowing who you are is so much more than just knowing what you do and do not like. It's knowing the things in life that activate you, the things that don't, knowing what you want to do with your life and why. Being in tune with your emotions, knowing when you need to step away and take a breather. All of these things and so much more all play a part in knowing yourself. The truth of the matter is nobody will ever know us better than we know ourselves, and if for whatever reason someone does, then you're bullshitting yourself by letting yourself off the hook. Instead of standing in your power, you're allowing someone else to have that control, okay? And I'm speaking from experience here. Never let anyone have control over your power. Your destiny is and always will be in your hands. You can't depend on others to make you happy. That's a responsibility all of your own. So just trust your instincts and take the time to really know yourself. Now, if there was absolutely one thing I could go back and tell my younger self, it's not to worry about what others think of me. I've always been very confident in who I am as a person, but that confidence never never leveled out to what I thought others thought of me. I always stood my ground and I never came across as somebody that I'm not, but I'd be lying if I said that I never felt insecure about how others may perceive me because I was so sure of who I was. I'm telling you now, do not fucking care. It's not your problem if other people have an issue with your confidence. If people don't accept you for who you are, flaws and all, then those are the people that you don't need to surround yourself with. Those are the people who would rather see you fail than succeed, and quite honestly, nobody needs that kind of people around, or that kind of person around. I've made so many cuts in my life in the past few years, including people within my own family who treat me that way. It doesn't matter who they are, if that's how they make you feel, they're gone. Cut them out of your life. You don't need that negative.

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Activity in your life, you also need to know your limits, and this looks different for everybody. But some people can take a lot of shit, others not so much. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how much crap you can or cannot take because you are an individual and what gets under your skin won't necessarily get under someone else's skin. What you're willing to do doesn't mean that everybody else is willing to do that very same thing. We all have our boundaries. Some are relatable, others not so much, but don't ever let the fear of being different or standing out from others be the reason that you lower your expectations or limit your own personal fun factor. We're all different for a reason. Like I said, this world offers so many different activities, so many different lifestyles, so many different adventures, and it's all for good reason. So don't be afraid to explore what your limits are, what boundaries you're willing to put in place, and what boundaries you're willing to allow yourself to be flexible with. I was told all the time growing up to not have high standards, to lower my expectations about life, about others, because in the end I'll only disappoint myself. Well, guess what? That's bullshit. Expectations lead to accountability, and accountability leads to a follow-through on whatever the case may be. But if I didn't have bills that needed to be paid every month to keep myself living a somewhat comfortable lifestyle, there's no way I would work every day, especially on the days that I couldn't be bothered to, like today when I've got a sore throat. So why do we lower our standards? Why do we have very little expectation of others? And about the life we want to live. There's absolutely no reason. If you know yourself and you know that you are not willing to put up with stuff like that, then go for gold. Don't let anybody ever tell you that you are way out of line for being very clear about what you want and what you will and will not tolerate in your life. It's a very strong suit to have and not many people have it, and that's due to the very simple reason that They allowed others to tell them that they're ridiculous for having such high standards and expectations, but you're not ridiculous. In fact, you're quite genius because it proves that you're the one that's behind the wheel of your life, and that's how it should be. We spend far too much time comparing ourselves to others, from the way that we dress to how we look and even to the things that we're interested in. We're always comparing ourselves to others. I've said it once, I'll say it again, and I'll probably never stop saying it, but we are all unique for a a reason. There's a reason why we look different, why we're all attracted to different things in life, why we express ourselves in different ways, and it's because it all complements the very thing that makes us unique. We should never ever want to change that part of us, ever, especially not for the sake of pleasing others. So another thing that I'm working on with Jude at the minute is the fact that I constantly apologize for everything. And I mean absolutely everything. I was apologising for every little thing that felt wrong or went to shit, even if it wasn't my fault. And it's took me years to break this habit, and it's only recently I've started making real progress on it. We shouldn't feel obligated to apologise for the things that are out of our control. Now, obviously this goes without saying, but always apologise when you're in the wrong and you know that you're in the wrong. But I'm talking about apologizing when you make someone feel uncomfortable or something like that. Never apologize when you stand up for yourself. Never apologize when you speak the truth or in the moment or given any given situation. And definitely never ever apologize for who you are. When we apologize simply because we feel obligated to, we're just losing a bit of our self-worth while doing it. Hold tight to your truth. Don't ever apologize when it's not necessary. We need to learn to basically stand strong with our conviction and our confidence, and our confidence comes from clarity. Clarity about your likes and dislikes, about what you want to do with your life, the long-term and short-term goals that you have. I mean absolute clarity with everything, even if it's not perfect vision. Having clarity about the idea of a vision is what really, really counts. Another massive thing when standing strong in your power is to have that trust and to trust your instincts. And I can't stress this enough. I have never heard of a time or even personally experienced a moment when my instincts were wrong or have let me down. They're called our instincts for a reason. That reason being because they're the real voice of reason. That painful feeling that we get in our gut when we're unsure about something, it's telling us something that we need to pay attention to. We might not understand at the moment, and it might take days, weeks, months, or even years to understand why it happened and find meaning in that moment, but that feeling exists for a reason. Do not ignore it. Trust it always, okay? Especially when it screams the loudest. Our instincts protect us from so much harm, and they also guide us to so many amazing opportunities. So don't shut them down. Don't turn them off. Follow and trust that impulse. Follow and trust your instinct. Always choose to go against the grain, and this goes for so many things in life. I'm talking about the things that others are doing out of popularity, okay? Not necessarily the things that are being done to provide a better life for yourself. So, I don't know, things like creating a social life which consists of partying every single weekend instead of a social life which consists of lunch dates with your best pals every like week instead. Why party every weekend when you can coexist in a relaxing environment? And I understand that this mindset and social adjustment comes at different ages and different times in our lives. But why do you feel pressured to do what everyone else is doing? Like, honestly, there's no sense and no point in it. Yes, participating in very popular things keep you in the loop. They make you feel special. They give you plenty of interesting stories to tell later in life. But honestly, if it's not fulfilling you and it's not making you feel good about it, if it's not making you happy or activating you in the right ways for all the right reasons, then don't put that pressure on yourself. Like me personally, I go out drinking with friends maybe, I don't know, 2 or 3 times a year. Like literally a year, not a month, a year. It came a few years ago when I said to my circle that I just didn't want to socialize with them on nights out. For one, I would barely remember anything we talked about the next day anyway, and yes, we had fun, but for two, it just felt like all of my friend relationships revolved around alcohol. So now we go out for casual meals, we go out for dog walks, we meet up at houses, we go for a day out to the beach, we have nights in, we do activities, we go for days out. It's so much better for me and so much better for them, and I feel like I have better friendship relationships now, and I don't feel like I'm doing things just for popularity. And I guess the last thing I'll say about standing strong in your power is to just be fearless. And I know that's such a cliché thing to say, but fear is the thing that holds us back from so many things, and I mean so many things. People don't follow their dreams because of their fear of failure. So many people don't push themselves through school because of the fear of missing out on other things in life. But don't let those things, them little tiny things, hold you back. I almost didn't leave the NHS because of fear of what if I don't make a decent living from this, or what if I can't afford my mortgage payments. You can always redeem yourself after something you consider to be a failure. You can always find the time to make up for the little things that you might feel that you're missing out on, or better yet, you might find more meaningful things to replace those missed moments with. But either way, just be fearless. Life is too short to hold ourselves back from the things in life that we feel a natural instinct to gravitate towards. So choose to practice the art of fearlessness. And that's it. Like, none of these things are by far easy to accomplish. They all take time, a lot of practice, and they'll require a lot of patience with yourself. But if you're willing to go on that journey, I promise you that it'll be a journey well worth it. Nobody should ever, ever have the pleasure of telling us what we are worth, okay? Man or woman, nobody has the right, and it's your duty as an individual to not ever give anyone that right. It's your power. You're going to stand strong in it. Stand tall, be strong, be confident, and embrace your power. Stand in your power because there is only and will only ever be one of you. You. Okay, good. Okay, let me know what you thought of this episode. Like I say, I apologize for the sore throat. I know I sound horrific, but I needed to get this out. I needed to get this off my chest. So yeah, you can DM me on either Instagram or TikTok. Me handles are @cannycrystals or @marttweedy for my personal. Both links are in the show notes below. Let me know about anything that you'd like me to talk about next as well. Don't forget to drop me a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever it is that you listen from. I'd really, really appreciate it. It takes about 20 seconds to do, but it really helps me out. So thank you all so much from the bottom of me heart if you've done one already. And I hope that you all have a beautiful weekend, and I hope that this isn't fucking coronavirus again. But whatever it is that you get up to, I'll see you all for another episode next week. So lots of love to you all. Thank you so, so much for listening, and I'll see you all next week. Bye!

You want to get your backyard summer ready, but you don't want to break the bank? Wayfair gets it. Planning on dining al fresco or relaxing poolside? Wayfair has everything you need to prep your space. Shop now and save up to 70% off during Wayfair's Fourth of July clearance. Score huge deals on outdoor furniture, area rugs, and more. We're talking stocking thousands of products for every style and budget. Plus, surprise flash deals July 6th. Don't wait! Shop Wayfair's Fourth of July clearance now through July 6th at wayfair.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.