049: Releasing anxiety and overcoming fear, ft. Natalie Wickenden

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Hello everyone, thank you so much for joining me on another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. I hope that you're all well. This week I've got another guest on the show. That's two guests in a row. I don't know who I think I am. So yeah, this week I'm speaking to Natalie Wickenden from Clarity Coaching Hypnotherapy about all things mindset, hypnotherapy, and helping you to understand anxiety and overcome fear so that you too can master your mindset and manifest the goals in life that you desire. So Natalie, welcome. Thank you for being a guest on the show.

Oh, good morning. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be a guest.

I'm so excited for you to be here as well. So just before we get started, Natalie, would you mind telling everyone a little about yourself?

Yes, of course. So I'm Natalie. I'm a clinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, and coach. Um, I offer what's called solution-focused hypnotherapy, which is a mix of psychotherapy and hypnosis. So it's incredibly powerful for understanding your mind, why we do certain things the way— why we do them, how we do them, but also for reprogramming your mind to kind of help you then move forwards to how you want to be, where you want to be, and how you want to feel.

Amazing. And I know recently you've started your own podcast, haven't you? So we've got Confusion to Clarity, which I've listened to and I really enjoyed, but it's only 2 episodes.

I know, I know, it's— it's— that's how new it is. It's been on my vision for about 18 months and I just kept procrastinating because I'm not the most techiest of people and I'm like, oh, how am I going to set it up? And then I just thought one day, right, look into it. It can't be as hard as you're thinking it's going to be. And actually it wasn't. And I just went for it and set it up. But it was literally like about 3 weeks ago, hence why there's only 2 episodes. So it's very, very new, but I love it. It's such a great way of kind of sharing topics and going into more detail that you can't, obviously, on social media.

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Because on Instagram, obviously, you're either putting on an image or a reel, and you've only got a certain amount of characters that you can actually talk about. But yes, it's, it's weird because when you're podcasting, sometimes you can go off on total tangents and end up talking about something that you didn't even plan on talking about, which is what I do weekly. But honestly, keep at it, because the day that this episode goes out, actually this Friday, this podcast, Can you Crystals the podcast, will be 1 year old. And it's only been the last 3 months that it's kind of skyrocketed up the charts and actually being listened to, if that makes sense. So for the first 6 months, I was getting something like 1,000 listeners a week, and then it jumped to 2,000 or 3,000, and now it gets around 16,000 a week.

It's absolutely crazy. That's amazing. I feel really grateful then to be on the first anniversary episode. Thank you.

We need a little cake and some candles.

Yeah, we celebrate this. It is a huge achievement.

Thank you. So I'm going to ask you something that I get asked all the time, but I'm really curious to find out your take on this as well. So that's around my morning routine. So what does your morning routine look like?

Well, I get up at 5:00, I do sunrise yoga, I drink a green juice. I don't at all. I wish I could do that, but sadly I don't. But how you start your day is so important. And obviously working with my clients on mindset, I am really hot on morning routines and the importance of starting your day on the right foot. But I also think it's really important to keep your morning routine simple because if you kind of try and make them too elaborate, they're not always— it's then harder to stick to. And if obviously you don't stick to it, you're not going to see the benefits. So for me, when I overhauled mine probably over a year ago now, and it was just making some really simple changes. So I've got 3 children. So my life's really, really hectic and particularly mornings, obviously, in trying to get everybody out the door on time to school and remembering everything. So I just started getting up a little bit earlier. So rather than half past 6, I get up at 6 o'clock and then I come downstairs, get the breakfast things out for the kids, which they are old enough to do themselves, but it's just easier. Just anything about making your life more simple is the way forwards.

100%.

Yeah. Put the breakfast things out. And then what I do is If it— well, where it's obviously been nice with the summer, I actually make a cup of tea and go and sit in the garden and I just sit out there. I've got my journal and I do my gratitude list and I did the book The Magic, which, oh my gosh, is a game changer. Have you done that?

Yeah, I do it all the time. Like every few months I'll just revisit this. Yes. I think it gets harder every time, doesn't it? Because thinking of 10 things to be grateful for every single day, initially you sit down and you're like, But you end up like, I'm grateful for the air, I'm grateful for this table that I'm sat at, and you end up being grateful for the littlest of things. But it does really help.

It's honestly, it's such a powerful technique. So I do in the morning, do my 10 gratitudes, or they call it 10 blessings. And the one thing that I wasn't doing until I read The Magic was putting why I'm grateful for it, because I'd always list out, I'm grateful for my house, or I'm grateful for the food I have to eat, etc., but not backing it up with the why. So when I'm writing, I do 5 things I'm grateful for that are, you know, like the food I have to eat, etc., etc. But then I do 5 of things like I'm like manifesting. So for example, I'm happy and grateful that I've signed 5 new clients this week, or I've done XYZ. So it makes it a bit easier to think of the 10, but it's also putting your mind in that kind of forward-thinking position. So do my 10 gratitudes or 10 blessings, and then I do try and do like a 5 or 10 minute meditation. I mean, hopefully my neighbours can't see me in the garden sitting out there in my dressing gown, sitting in the garden doing my meditation. Just even 5 or 10 minutes. And there's some— I like guided meditations. I recently did Deepak Chopra on Spotify had a 21-day guided meditation challenge, which was great. I like structure. So I was doing that. That really helped just to start your day feeling more calm and relaxed. And then it's kind of getting the kids ready. But the other thing I do do is try and do as much as I can the night before. So things like kids' water bottles, making sure the uniforms are out, you know, there's like washing up in the sink, things so that when you come down, you're feeling more clear in your mind, ready to start the day. So I kind of start the night before, but keep it simple is my two things.

Brill. I'm going to have to look into that Deepak Chopra thing because I think I would really benefit from something like that, like a structured meditation every single day.

Yes, I think it's with meditation, it is so beneficial, but I certainly, for me, I have such a busy mind, just sitting in purposeful silence, I find it really hard to switch off. My mind's just racing of all the things I need to do. So if you do have somebody kind of like guiding you and they, and that he sort of sets the timer as well, it just keeps you in that position of listening and not kind of drifting off and thinking, oh, I'll just get up now. So yeah, I highly recommend it.

Yeah, I'm definitely going to have a look into that. I might even put the link to it once I find it.

Yes, I'll send you the link.

Yeah, brilliant. That would be really helpful. Thank you. So gratitude's really helped to kind of raise my self-esteem in the past few years especially, and my morning gratitude routine of writing things down to be grateful for really helps me to put things into perspective too. So what's your best tips for raising your self-esteem and your confidence?

So again, gratitude, like you've just said as well, is so important because when you're acknowledging your wins and your achievements, it automatically boosts your self-esteem. Because especially if we're— we've got a lot of things we're manifesting, or maybe we're going through a tricky time, we're constantly thinking about what's next, what's next, what's next, and thinking of maybe that end goal, but we're not actually stopping and looking at what we are achieving. Um, had a conversation with a friend at the weekend who has moved area. She's got two little girls. She's just the most amazing person, and she's got some really big goals and she's just like, I feel so burnt out. And I said, look what you've done in the last few weeks, look how far you've come. And then she was like, actually, yeah, you are right. So I think it's really stopping and being your own biggest cheerleader and looking at all the kind of steps you're taking towards that end goal. Because if you're constantly pushing forwards, you're not acknowledging where you are. And it almost then makes those big goals seem more unattainable, doesn't it? You're sort of pushing them further away.

Definitely. So you've mentioned that you've got 3 small kids as well. So what does your home life look like for you? Like, are there like-minded people in your home, or are you met with resistance? And how do you deal with negative energy?

Yeah. Also, one more thing I just forgot to say about the other question was about surrounding yourself with people who are going in the direction that you're wanting to go in. So if you're you know, lacking confidence and self-esteem, surround yourself with people who are resonating at the level that you're resonating at or where you want to be, or kind of those people that are 2 steps further ahead from you. Um, but home life for me, so, um, my home life is super busy. As I said, I've got 3 children, so that, well, they're not babies anymore. They're 13, 10, and 8. So you think, oh, they're getting older, but actually it comes with even more challenges than when they're little. Like there's so many after-school clubs and activities and things to remember. So I'm really lucky because my husband and I have been together for just over 20 years now. So he's kind of, I think, just naturally got on board with my ways and embraced the fact he's probably married to a witch. So he's had to just get on board with my manifestations and all my crystals and full moon rituals, etc. So I am really lucky that at home he's fully supportive, and actually my children they have vision boards. You know, my daughter, when she's a bit nervous at school, but right, let's take some crystals in your pocket, and I'll get her to do meditations or EFT tapping. I'll set her up with— so home, I'm really lucky. My family around, not on board with, with my kind of mindset at all, or manifestation, Law of Attraction. And I think the thing there, the way to deal with that is you cannot force your opinions on somebody else because it just comes across like you're nagging and pushes them away even further, doesn't it? Completely. So I think, and also as well, if you're so passionate about something, when you're, you know, you're talking about it, but you're not getting the response back that you need, it just makes you feel super frustrated. So I think it's really important if you're being sort of met with negativity, it's like, okay, just honor where they are on their journey. If it's not for them, it's not for them. Focus on yourself and almost like lead by example, because when you're reaching your goals, when you're radiating positivity, it's naturally infectious. So you may find they do get on board with you, but, oh, you know, well, how did you do this? Or why do you always feel so good? Or things like that. And that might be your lead-in to share your, you know, your experiences and your knowledge with them. But if it's not for them, then again, it's really important to surround yourself with people who are on your wavelength. So, you know, your family, so your family or whatever, you can't change that. But if it's not, if they're not, um, kind of on board with what you believe in, it's like, okay, well, you can still have that respect for them. But when you do want to talk about spirituality, the law of attraction, have that group of people around you that you can talk about that unconditionally and kind of unabashedly. And is that a word? I don't think so, but you know what I mean. Um, and then you tend to find that that negativity isn't starting to bring you down. That's kind of how I deal with it anyway.

Well, so how do you keep your spirits so high on kind of a day-to-day basis?

Um, I think the key thing is to be aware of your emotions because we're human, we have a whole range of emotions, so it would be impossible to be like super high vibe all the time. You know, we all get days where things piss us off and frustrate us, but I think it goes back to that morning routine, having that mindset routine in place so you're starting the day on the best possible foot that you can. And then if things during the day kind of knock you, curveballs come across, you have more resilience to kind of navigate them. But then it's also then looking at the end of the day. So I describe it as like bookends on a shelf. So you can control how you start the day and you can control how you end the day. So it's making sure you end the day on that positive note and reframing anything negative that might have happened, but also doing things like brain dumping. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, I just take a piece of paper and a pen and just write out everything that's on my mind. Good, bad, whatever. And just clearing it from your head really helps to sort of act like a mental declutter. And then just bring myself back into the present moment, get out in nature, do things that make me feel good, ring a friend who always makes me laugh, that kind of thing. And just, just on your emotions, you know, if you're having a bad day, it's fine. Do something to pick yourself back after that you enjoy doing.

Yeah, it's all about changing the vibe, isn't it? Like, if you're in a low resonating vibe, you don't want to be on that. You just do something to pick you up. For me, it's music. I think music is one of my biggest crutches. I've got a playlist, like a feel-good playlist, and it's full of things like The Chorus, the Spice Girls, stuff like that. It's really cheesy. And if people listen to it, they're like, what the hell is this? But it makes them smile.

Yes, music is amazing for raising your vibration and making you feel better. Actually, one of the things I do say to clients actually in the morning is create, like you've just said, a playlist of upbeat songs and put it on first thing in the morning. Because when you're listening to your favorite songs, you just can't feel down. It's going to automatically make you feel good, think of good times. So yeah, that's a brilliant technique.

I noticed the other day as well, you posted something about sleep. So can we talk about sleep? This really hits hard with me because when I worked in the NHS, I would go to sleep around midnight. Okay, so I would be setting my alarm at around 6:30, but most nights I would be letting my dog out at 3 AM for a pee. He can't hold his bladder. And, um, I struggled to get back to sleep after that as well, so I was getting up to go to the toilet. So I bet all in all I was probably only getting around 5 and a half hours sleep. And since leaving the NHS, I now go to bed about 11 PM and I get up at 7. And let me tell you, I sleep like a bloody baby. Like, what's What is the importance of sleep on our physical and mental health and how can this affect us and our well-being?

Sleep is so important to our physical and mental well-being. And actually, it's the first thing that I work on with any client who comes to see me because it is, it is that important. And I think we're so hot on like children, you know, making sure they get to bed early, have that bedtime routine. But we don't apply the same principles to adults because first and foremost, when we're sleeping, there's lots of different processes that our body is going through. But the two key ones that I talk about with clients are your, essentially your beauty sleep, which is when your body is healing, rejuvenating, and repairing. So we need that right amount of sleep for us so our body can repair physically. But from a mental perspective, from a psychological perspective, when we're sleeping, when we're dreaming, we're going through what's called our REM cycles, our rapid eye movement. And dreaming just isn't something fun to pass the night away. There's a process behind it. We're going through all the events of the day, all the trials and tribulations. We're making sense of them, we're storing memories, and we're getting rid of things that no longer serve us. So I always use the example to clients of, if for example you've had a bad day, somebody's frustrated you, when you go home you might say to your partner or your friend, "Oh my gosh, this happened today," and they'll be like, "Oh, you know, try not to think about it, maybe they didn't mean it," but you feel really angry. When you go to sleep during your REM cycles, you will rerun that event. So you might find yourself dreaming exactly as something happened, or it might be one of those crazy metaphorical dreams where you're thinking about somebody you were at school with 15, 20 years ago. But when you wake up in the morning, you will find that that event is not bothering you as much, or you might have even forgot about it. So if we aren't getting the right amount of sleep or the right quality of sleep, we don't have enough time each night to process all those thoughts, all those trials and tribulations. So what you then find is you're either going to wake up in the middle of the night because your mind's too busy and full, or when you do wake up the next morning, you feel like you've been 10 rounds of Mike Tyson. You're like, oh my gosh, I can't get out of bed. I just feel too groggy and tired. And then you find yourself feeling anxious or overwhelmed the next day. So it's so important to have that good bedtime mindset routine. So you're unwinding your mind before bed. So you're feeling calm and relaxed. Getting to bed at a good time. So you're giving yourself the best amount of sleep, the right amount of sleep for you as a person. So you've got time to physically heal, rejuvenate, but also to clear your mind out so you feel refreshed the next day. Which is why if you've got a lot on your mind, you find yourself waking up at like 2, 3 in the morning, your mind's racing, you can't go back to sleep. So yeah, sleep is just— honestly, I could talk about it all day. It's that important.

I was going to say, I I think I read a few years ago as well that— are your sleep cycles in kind of 90-minute blocks? Is that right?

Yes.

So you go— especially if you've got like a smartwatch or Fitbit and you track your cycles, but you can go through— they say it's up to 5 cycles of REM per night. So which is why sometimes you can remember your dreams when you wake up and you can remember up to 5 depending on the type of person you are. But if you're trying to overdo it, if you've got too much on your mind, then you physically don't have enough time every night to go to go beyond those 5 cycles, which is why then you find yourself waking up. So yeah, it's so important to be really thinking about during the day, how do I want to be, how do I want to feel, so you're minimizing the amount that you're putting into your mind so you've got time every night to go through those REM cycles to clear everything out so you feel refreshed the next day.

I'm really going to look into this because like I'm just having the weirdest dreams at the minute and I don't know if it's because I'm using different crystals by my bedside. It probably is, yeah, to be fair. I need to move that moldavite away from my bed.

Oh, gosh. Yeah, definitely.

But even last night, I keep having these recurring dreams whereby there'll be someone in my dream and I'll think it's one person, but then when I wake up, I'm like, oh, that wasn't my mom. Do you know what I mean? It was a random girl from school. But all the way through my dream, I've dreamt that this person is my mom. And then when I woke up, I'm like, that's not my mom.

See, dream analysis is so fascinating. I always— if I— I don't know the meaning behind it. I'm not a dream analysis, you know, professional or expert, but if I'm ever feeling overwhelmed or I've got a lot of stress going on in my life, I always have dreams. This makes me sound a bit crazy, but about like tsunamis and waves, and I can't run away from the wave and I feel like I'm stuck. So I think, yeah, look at what you're— maybe look at kind of in your physical life, kind of, you know, if there's any, any elements that you're— that are relating to that dream. Or there's lots of dream analysis websites, but I'm always a bit cautious about looking at them and what they actually mean, because sometimes you can look and go, oh, I'm not sure that— if that triggers my anxiety a little bit. But yeah, dreams are interesting. It's fascinating. But yeah, but it could just be, obviously, if you've had a lot of changes in your life as well, like you've set up your new office studio and your mind's processing all of that during your sleep. So sometimes it doesn't have to have a specific meaning. It could just be an amalgamation of what's going on in your day and how your mind's processing it all together.

Yeah, I get that. So can we talk about hypnotherapy as well? Because you're a trained hypnotherapist, fully qualified. Um, so I recently had a hypnotherapy session and it really worked on my limiting beliefs because months ago I would worry that if I got maybe really low sales in a day, you know, it would mean that my business was going under. And that was such a limiting belief of mine. And I honestly believe that since I've had that hypnotherapy session It's kind of worked for me in getting rid of this. So although I've sat in on a hypnotherapy session, I have no idea how it works. So how do you go about reprogramming the mind?

Okay, so I mean, I, I always love it when people have had hypnotherapy themselves because you can see firsthand how amazing it is.

It's fantastic. Like, I've never felt better about my limiting beliefs.

Yes, and I think this is the thing. So with what the type of hypnotherapy I offer, because there's lots of different types, it's with solution-focused, it's the psychotherapy. So it's helping you to understand, like I said at the start, what you're doing, why you're doing something. And when you have the understanding, especially if it's to do with anxiety or limiting beliefs, it's like, okay, it's my mind trying to protect me. So it's not that I'm just lazy or I'm just, you know, too scared to do something. It's your mind stepping in to try and protect you. So when you have that understanding, first and foremost, you can be kinder to yourself. But then in the actual hypnosis, we can reprogram those limiting beliefs. If you imagine, I always describe it a bit like a computer, and dare I say the V word, but let's imagine there's a virus in the computer system. What we're doing is we're getting rid of that virus and we're creating a new program. So we're not changing you as a person, because I think that's what a lot of people are fearful of. It's like, you're going to— are you going to change me? I don't want to— I don't want to change who I am. And we're not at all. We're just rewriting those negative patterns, those programs in your mind, and reprogramming them with how you want to be and how you want to feel. So kind of just making you be that even better version of yourself, or, you know, like an iPhone update. You're kind of going from version 13.5 to 14. Um, so you're still the same person, we're just upgrading the software in your mind. Um, but it creates long-lasting changes, and I think that's the key thing as well. It's— and it's done in such a way that it's so subtle. Um, and a lot of my work is demystifying hypnotherapy because a lot of people think it's what you see on TV or stage, and it's not that at all. It doesn't involve pocket watches, it doesn't involve looking into my eyes or anything like that at all. It is done very, um, calmly. It's really relaxing. You probably found that too. Did you just find you kind of zoned out?

Well, at one point I actually thought I was asleep, but then when I thought about the session, I was like, no, I was, I was like conscious the entire way through, but it was almost like because I did it on my couch at home and I just had my headphones on and I lay back and she was talking away to me and I was answering the questions. So I was still consciously answering, but it was almost like I'd had a 45-minute nap, if that makes sense. I felt really refreshed afterwards and I felt really kind of lightheaded. And I sat and had some water and then I was thinking that those thoughts have kind of gone out of my head. And now I'm about 2 months down and I'm thinking, that was all off one session. That's crazy.

Yeah, and I think with the, with hypnotherapy, when you've had this session, you're like, do I feel different? Is, do I feel this way? Especially if I do a lot of work with phobias as well, and you're kind of questioning, has this changed? Do I feel different? So I've used hypnotherapy myself. I used it for when I was in training. We had to do reciprocal sessions. I had a really bad fear of flying. It was awful. And my colleague, my friend, she did the process on me and got rid of my fear of flying. And then I've continued to use it myself as part of my sort of mindset well-being routines because I had a real limiting belief. Like, I wouldn't put myself to camera, like I wouldn't put my face out there. I would have all this kind of information I wanted to share, but I had this limiting belief that like, oh, I'm not good enough, or I'm not clever enough. So I, in my conscious life, would be— I would do so many courses, training courses. Honestly, I've had— I think I've probably got more letters after my name than the alphabet because it was just this constant like procrastinating where I was like, I need one more qualification, if I do this then I'll feel worthy. And when I had some sessions with my friend, and there's some different techniques you can do, but we went back, and I actually went back to a time which consciously I hadn't remembered, but I was about 7 years old, which interestingly is up until that point when our core beliefs and values are being created. So if things happen in that, that time frame, it can really affect you even as an adult. And my— I went back in, in trance to, um, a classroom setting, and I was about 7 years old, and the teacher called me stupid. Because I think I'd done something and she called me stupid. And that— her saying that had then gone into my subconscious and it was manifesting in my adult life as this not wanting to put myself out there because my subconscious was saying, well, it's not safe to do that. So I was completely self-sabotaging every time I had an opportunity to do something because my subconscious was like, it's not safe to do that. And if you're— the job of your subconscious is to protect you and keep you safe. So if there's a limiting belief that it's perceiving as dangerous, then it's going to intervene, it's going to stop you doing that. So in hypnosis, what we did is we went back and we released that belief, we let it go. And it's, it's transformational, it really is. And I think that's why I'm so passionate, because again, like you, you've seen personally how powerful it is, um, and just how much we can hold ourselves back from not even being aware of things.

Oh, definitely. I mean, I've got the weirdest phobia as well. So maybe like, I should have really looked into hypnotherapy about this ages ago, but my phobia, it's really weird, but it's, um, you know, like if a man, if a man wears like a white shirt, you know, they're like see-through buttons. I'm scared of the buttons.

I've had it. I've had a client with phobia of buttons before.

You know what it is? I was watching an episode of Jeremy Kyle like years ago and there was a woman on it with a fear of buttons and I was like, oh my God, I'm not the only one. And I kind of, I've worked it out myself, I think, where it stems from. My Nana used to have like a little tin with buttons in when I was younger, and I'm sure I remember choking on one when I was younger, and I think that might be where it's kind of all stemmed from.

That is very plausible, and the great thing about when we're dealing with phobias is, um, if you, especially if you do know where that point comes, comes, like where it triggered from, we can go back and we can release that with techniques and reframe it. So if Yeah, I've worked with phobias. Well, I had a client recently because not all phobias are kind of clear-cut of how they came about. A lot of people go, oh yeah, I had a flight and this happened and that triggered my fear of flying. But I had a client who had a phobia of glass, as in like drinking glasses, and he came to me and he's happy for me to share this story. And he had a phobia of this glass and he said, oh yeah, it happened because I was in a busy pub and 'Somebody knocked into me and I spilled my drink.' I was like, okay, I mean, it didn't— not to be disrespectful to him, but it didn't sound too traumatic. But our brains are incredible. Like, I had a client who had a phobia of raw meat, and it was because when she was cooking, the gas on the hob kind of blew back at her. And as she jumped back, she looked to the right-hand side and there was some raw meat that she was cutting up ready to cook. And her brain made the association of fear, Romy linked it together, which is what created her phobia. So with my client with the glass, I was like, okay, let's— so we followed the processes, and a week later he came back and he said, it doesn't feel as prominent, but it's still there. I was like, okay. So we did some different techniques, and we actually went back, and it actually came from an incident when he was really little, about 5 or 6, and he was on holiday with his mum and his grandma, and he was in a talent show, and he was dressed up as a sports personality who was famous at the time and had this catchphrase. So he was waiting to go on stage, and in front of him was a little girl dressed as a ballerina. So she skipped on stage, did ballerina twirl, skipped off, everybody clapped. He walked on stage, he absolutely froze with fear, didn't know what to do.

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Dude forgot what he was meant to do, so he did a ballerina twirl, skipped off stage, and everybody was laughing, you know, because obviously he was meant— he was dressed as a sports person.

Yeah.

And that, the laughing actually was triggered that response of like the fear So when we went back up, what had actually happened was that day when he was in the pub and somebody knocked into him, it triggered that embarrassed feeling. And that's where his mind made the assumption. So it wasn't necessarily a fear of the glass, it was the feeling of being embarrassed. But we were able to release that, let it go. And he's absolutely fine now. Like, he— after the sessions, he sent me pictures of him not turned into an alcoholic, but in like pub gardens with fine glasses. And but his— but also phobias as well. If you have a phobia, then you build layers to them. So in his case, it was initially glass, but then it was anything to do with, like, glass containers, china cups and mugs. It went from being in public settings to being at home. So, yeah, phobias are all-consuming. So, yeah, absolutely. If you want to work on your fear of— your phobia of buttons, we can totally tackle that one.

It's weird, isn't it? It's almost like you've got to heal your inner child, if that makes sense.

Yes. Yeah, absolutely. And release it and let it go.

There's a lot of programming that we don't actually realize that we're conditioned from birth. And I talk about this all the time in the podcast, but it's kind of like things that we've just picked up on when we're children. And like you're saying, we build on layer and layer and layer, and before you know it, it's a full-blown like phobia or limiting belief within us. Yeah, it all stems from our childhood. It's weird. Yeah, I'm, um, I'm also going through, um, a little session on Ho'oponopono.

Have you heard?

Oh yes, I love that.

Yes, it's kind of like forgiving, releasing, loving, and letting go. And yeah, and I'm doing a lot of visualization meditations on that at the minute. So yeah, I'm probably going to do a podcast episode on that.

You definitely need to do on that. It's such a powerful technique, and I don't think that's spoken about enough. But yeah, I've used that myself. It's incredibly powerful for letting things go.

Yeah, definitely amazing. I'm going to put you on the spot here and ask about anxiety, because a lot of my listeners are affected by kind of anxious thoughts and, you know, the overactive mind. So how do you define anxiety and what can we do to limit these anxious and frustrating thoughts in our everyday life?

So I think first and foremost, it's being kind to yourself. So I got into the work that I do through having debilitating anxiety. So I'd always had anxiety. And then there was a significant event that happened in my life that just escalated my anxieties off the scale. And there wasn't a lot of support for me at that time, so I looked at different holistic and alternative therapies. So I always really stress to people who are feeling anxious, it's understanding what's going on in your mind, because when we're feeling anxious, we can be so hard on ourselves. So like, oh, just stop it, you know, why am I feeling like this? Especially if there's not something specific that you are anxious about, it can be really frustrating. So going back to what I do, The psychotherapy element is the understanding what's going on inside your mind. So I do an explanation of our brain and how anxiety is created and how your thoughts affect your physical reality. So 95% of our thoughts are subconscious. We're not aware we're thinking of them. So when it comes to anxiety, quite often we could be thinking things on a subconscious level that are affecting us that we're not consciously aware of. So if you understand at a deep level what anxiety is, which is essentially your brain perceiving a threat and your subconscious's job is to protect you and keep you safe. So if you can understand, okay, my mind's trying to protect me, and then starting to bring conscious awareness to, to, to your thoughts. So, you know, starting to look at your surroundings. Okay, is this likely to happen? So things like journaling, meditation, working on ways to calm your thoughts. So what we want to do is move you from that subconscious part of your mind to the other part of your mind, which is the intellectual part of your mind. So if you imagine that part is like the CEO logical, rational part. When you're anxious, you're in that primitive part of your brain, that subconscious, where everything's a threat, everything's a danger. It's like fight, flight, freeze mechanism. So it's just breathing, calming yourself down, moving into the intellectual part where you can look at the situation more objectively. Okay, is this likely to happen? Do I need to worry about this now?

No.

Are there steps I could put in place to help me sort of calm down, having sort of a especially if your anxiety is quite persistent, having that mindset routine, making sure you're getting plenty of sleep, looking— and I think also surrounding yourself with lots of positive things to stimulate you, so audiobooks, podcasts, surrounding yourself with positive people who make you feel good. But if your anxiety is really prominent, is seeking that professional help and You know, that could be going to the doctor and taking medication. Like, I have a lot of clients who come to me like, "Oh, I'm taking medication," and there really shouldn't be any taboo around that at all. It's whatever you need to do to help you keep on that level playing field and feeling like you can cope. It's the most important thing. But, um, but looking at getting professional help as well, so going to a therapist. And like we've just said, you know, because it could be something that's triggering your anxiety that happened from way back when, and in a few sessions you could release that and let that limiting belief go so you can rationalize with your anxiety again.

Yeah, I totally get that as well because I've spoke about this in the podcast, but last October I just started being really, really anxious in my day-to-day life and my heart rate was fluttering daily and I wear an Apple Watch, so I kept getting these notifications saying that my heart rate was over 140 and I was just sat there like not doing anything. And I went to the doctor's one day and, well, I didn't go to the doctor's. I had like a phone consultation, you know, because of COVID and stuff like that. But he literally prescribed propranolol without even like me telling him anything else. I just said, oh, I've got a high heart rate, I'm quite anxious. And he was like, there you go, there's some propranolol. He didn't tell me how to use it or anything like that. So I took, um, the, like, the propranolol. I took it over the course of a week and he was like, no, no, that was for as and when. And I was like, well, yeah, I didn't— you didn't say that you was taking— tell me to take 3 times a day.

Yeah.

So, but I was still training, so going to the gym every day, so my heart must have been in a right flutter because it was getting pumped up with the, the gym and the high-intensity exercise, and then I was kind of lowering it down. But I was also drinking coffee and things like that. Wow. Um, I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack, to be honest. But I know exactly what you mean, because when I started working with my life coach back in January I started working through all these different things, and I think that was better medicine than the tablets themselves, actually.

Yeah, I think that's the thing. And like I said, it's, you know, totally down to the person. But I think sometimes with the medication, it can be a bit of a plaster over this, over whatever the problem is. And it could just be, like I said, understanding what anxiety is. Because when my anxiety was at its worst, I didn't know why I felt this. Well, I knew why I felt the way I felt in the sense of what had happened. But I was like, I can't stop it. I don't know how to stop it. So when I'm working with clients, it's helping you to understand, but then find tools and techniques that help you to cope. It's like building up a toolkit. So I think also as well with anxiety, it's a self-preservation tool. So we can't eradicate it completely. But what we can do is learn to keep it under the surface, but find out what triggers it. So for me, A lack of sleep is my biggest trigger for anxiety. Diet, you know, that weekend you've maybe had some drinks, takeaway, sweets and things like that. That's a huge trigger. Yeah, you're always like, "Oh, this Sunday I'm not going to do it." Yeah, exactly.

Well, I call it hangxiety because I'm always hanging.

Yes, it is.

Yeah, it is. It's exactly that. And I think it's just being mindful. So if you are feeling anxious, like, okay, right, why do I feel anxious? Is there something specific going on? Have I been looking after myself as well as I could? And with my regular clients, one of the most important things I stress to them is being consistent with your mindset routine, because when we feel anxious, it doesn't feel good, we feel uncomfortable. So we suddenly go to town throwing everything we can at feeling better, and we start to feel better, we pick ourselves back up, we go onto that level playing field, but then we feel good again. So we're like, oh, it doesn't matter if I don't meditate today, doesn't matter if I don't journal today. And then although you might never go back down to where you were, you do just gradually start to drop off a little bit and then you're like, oh, I just feel a bit blur today, you know. So I think it's really important to understand what anxiety is, why you feel anxious, but have that toolkit and be consistent with it so you keep it under wraps. And if it does flare up, just be kind to yourself, but go back to basics, small steps to regain control.

Totally get that as well, because I even spoke about this a couple of episodes ago about kind of when I'd reached my manifestation goals, I then stopped manifesting, I stopped visualizing, I stopped meditating, I wasn't doing any self-care rituals, and I thought, well, I've got my manifestation now, you know.

Yeah.

So do you know what I'm getting at? Like, it's almost like we stop what we're doing once we reach that, whereas we should continuously carry on with it and would probably aim for a higher goal or something like that.

Completely. I think that's how I reached out to you. I think it was one of the episodes in the podcast where you said about when you've manifested something, then you just sort of stop. And I call it, um, like, I call it a manifestation hangover, which I don't know if it's an official term.

It is now.

It is now. We've coined it. I'll trademark it. And, um, but it is that, like, almost like, oh my gosh, I've reached that goal. And you feel almost overwhelmed. I can't believe I did it, especially if it's a big manifestation. And then you just have that overwhelmed feeling just kind of sort of pulls you back in, like, okay, now what do I do? Which is where it's I think when I've messaged you, I was saying I find it so important to acknowledge your wins along the way to your manifestation. So when you do manifest it, it's just like a given, like, I knew that was going to happen. I don't feel so overwhelmed. Like, yes, I'm grateful, I'm appreciative it happened, it's here, I'm enjoying it and embracing it. But then you're kind of not in that place of like, oh my gosh, how did I do that? It's like, yeah, I knew I was going to do it. So you feel good in yourself because actually when you're thinking about how you want to be and feel positively, you are producing your feel-good hormones, you know, your dopamine, your serotonin. And that is what keeps you on the level playing field and keeps you moving forward. So, yes, so important to, to keep, keep being kind to yourself and acknowledging your wins.

100%. Okay. So are you up for a little exercise? Because I'd love you to speak directly to my listeners just for a couple of minutes just to help raise their vibes. I mean, you know as well as I do, the UK at the minute especially is in a period of mourning because of recent events. And I really think that you could help lift our spirits and raise our vibes. So I'll pass over the helm to you.

Okay, absolutely. So this is one of my favorite techniques that I use with clients and I use it myself. So please only do this. Let me just caveat it by saying, if you can sit somewhere that's quiet where your attention is not needed and certainly not while you're driving, Thank you. So I've spoken this morning about your mind not knowing the difference between imagination and reality. So whatever you're thinking about is going to affect how you feel. So this exercise really proves that in a visual and physical way. So what I want you to do first of all is I want you just to sit comfortably and I want you just to bring yourself into the present moment. So just let your eyes gently close and I want you just to take a few deep breaths, just slowly in through your nose and just exhale out through your mouth. Just again, in through your nose and just slowly exhaling out through your mouth. I want you just to clear your mind of anything that you need to do after this or that you were meant to do before. Bring yourself now and just give yourself permission to sit for a few moments quietly. Now, first of all, what I want you to do is I want you to think of a time when you felt really frustrated. So something had annoyed you and you felt really angry. And I'm not going to leave you like this, so just trust me on this one. So bring that image to mind and I want you to make it vivid and clear. So really, if you were right there right now, so see the image in your mind. And as you see that image, I want you to feel all those physical feelings that you felt at that time. So allow them to rise up from your belly. Maybe it's an agitated feeling. Just allow that just to sort of circulate around your body. So make that image vivid and clear. Hold it for a second. Okay, and now what I want you to do is I want you just to open your eyes. Now I want you just to search inside you for a second to just notice how you feel. Even though that event hasn't just happened, you can feel all those frustrated feelings that you felt at that time. Now, I promised I would raise your vibes, so I'm not going to leave you like this, but I want to show you the importance of where you place your mind affecting how you physically feel. So this time, I want you to close your eyes again. Gently let your eyes close, and I want you just to take a nice deep breath in through your nose Hold at the top for a couple of seconds and slowly exhale out through your mouth. Just start to let all those negative feelings disperse. Again, deep breath in through your nose and exhale out through your mouth. Now this time I want you to think of an occasion, a time, a memory where you felt amazing. Maybe you felt super confident, you were just elated, happy, on top of the world. And it could be recent, could be from a really long time ago. So now bring this image to your mind. So make it vivid and clear. So hold that image, make it vivid and clear. And I want you to really hear all the sights and all the sounds around you. Make the sights vivid and clear in your mind. And I want you to feel those feel-good feelings that you felt at that time. So just hold that image. So if I was in your mind, I'd know exactly what you're doing, thinking, and feeling. And just imagine now that I've got a dial, okay, and I'm turning that dial up. And as I turn that dial up now, you are intensifying those feel-good feelings. So as I turn that dial now up, make that image more vivid, more clear. Those feel-good feelings, amplify them now around your physical body. You are right there, right now. So as I continue to turn that dial up, allow those feelings to amplify, feeling so good. Maybe you can make the sounds you hear in your, in your mind louder, more vibrant. If there's music playing, make it louder. If you're laughing, I want you to really feel that laughter in your belly. Hold that image, making it as loud and vivid as you can, and just hold it for a few seconds. I've now turned that dial up. It's as intense as you possibly make it. So just hold that there, and then I want you just to slowly, when you're ready, open your eyes. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, and just notice, even though you weren't there, you didn't just have that really wonderful experience, you should now start to feel feel those feelings that you felt, or if not, you should be feeling, feeling lighter. So you can see now the importance of where you place your thought energy and how it's going to affect you and feel. And of course, things are going to frustrate you, we're human, but if you can reframe those negative thoughts, if you have this feel-good memory that you can close your eyes and go back to, it's like your own secret tool and weapon that you have at your disposal anytime you need that visual pick-me-up. So hopefully you're feeling more positive and a bit more high vibe.

I am. Like, that was a bit wow for me. I was instantly transported to Thailand and it was one of the best days of my life because we went to an elephant sanctuary.

Wow.

They weren't in captivity or anything like that. They came over to you, but we got to feed them and bathe them and It's amazing. They had like little elephant babies with them and things like that, and it was just amazing. It was honestly one of the best experiences I've ever had in my entire life, and I was instantly transported back there. Yeah, thank you for that. Like, I feel so much better than I did a few minutes ago, and that's all just from the power of thought, isn't it?

Yes, our minds are so incredibly powerful. And, you know, I was saying throughout our conversation, you know, wherever your, your thoughts are is where you're going to take yourself. So especially if you're manifesting, it's so important to be thinking, how do I want to be? How do to feel. So that exercise you can do by yourself. Just sit, close your eyes, take your mind back to that happy place, that positive time, and just hold it for a few seconds. And like I was saying as well, when you're thinking about how you want to be, you're producing your feel-good hormones, and the opposite is happening if you're not. If you're thinking about how you don't want to be, you're producing your stress hormones, your cortisol, your adrenaline, which is why when you were anxious, your heart rate was racing. So when you're thinking about how you want to be and feel, you're producing your feel-good hormones. You've just given yourself more resilience to tackle whatever's coming your way.

So just speaking about manifestation and visualization, what's been the best thing that you've ever manifested through visualization and gratitude?

Mm-hmm. Um, two, two big ones. My, I think my top one would be my daughter, and I know that sounds a bit wild, but, um, there's a bit of backstory. So my story does talk a little bit about baby loss. If anybody finds that triggering, obviously fast forward this part, but it's such an intrinsic part of who I am and why I do what I do. So in 2010, my husband and I, we had our second child, our little boy Brodie, and he passed away at 26 weeks gestation. And it was just the most devastating time. My anxiety went through the roof and I was really struggling to cope. But David, my husband, and I, we really wanted to have another child. So my daughter Nicole was just turning 2 when Brodie was born, and we both wanted to be able to give her a sibling in the physical sense. We're never going to replace Brodie, but it was such a daunting prospect to go through a pregnancy again. But it was when I was in that real grief and anxiety period, I came across the book The Secret. So this was 12 years ago, so social media wasn't what it is today. There wasn't podcasts, there wasn't— I think even YouTube was a thing. So yeah, I just came across the book The Secret, read it, and I was like, gosh, this is amazing. And obviously it was— I found The Secret is quite hard. It is quite hard to follow, isn't it? Is that just me? It is quite hard, but I read it. I was like, okay, right, I get the principles behind it. So I sort of shared a bit with David and I just created this visualisation in my head. So I had this visualisation of David, my husband, and I with our daughter Nicole sitting on a hospital bed holding a newborn baby. And we had to go through loads of testing, loads of scans. It was, it was a really tough experience, this next pregnancy. But every time I felt anxious, I just kept this vision in my head of sitting on that hospital hospital bed, feeling like the overwhelming love and pride that she was— that, well, he or she was here. And that really kind of kept me going through the, the pregnancy. And we, we were really blessed. We fell pregnant, um, and each stage the pregnancy was healthy, the baby was growing. And we were very blessed to have our second daughter, Darcy. And she was actually born, um, well, almost 13 months to to the date after we had Brodie. And when we'd had her, the midwife came in and she was like, oh, would you like me to take some pictures of you all? And I was like, oh, yes, please. Thank you. So she took the camera and because iPhones weren't as good as they are today, so she took my camera, took some pictures. When we came home, I was going through the pictures she'd taken. And I kid you not, it gives me goosebumps now. The exact picture I'd visualized in my mind, she had captured, like the exact image, the position we were sitting in. Nicole was sitting on like David's side. I had our daughter Darcy in my arms. It was the exact image that I had, that I had created in my mind. And it was just holding that vision, feeling those feelings of like, yes, we are going to have this baby. It's going to be healthy. I'm going to be able to bring home this baby at the end. It was just, yeah, incredible. And that's when that really kind of catapulted my belief and passion for the law of attraction and manifestation.

Wow, that is so powerful as well. Like, visualization, people underestimate it so much, don't they? But like, even like feeling the real feelings, like, so using your senses. I always tell people to make sure when you're visualizing, it's not just in your head. You're actually hearing the sounds, you're feeling the feelings, you're smelling, you're tasting, you know what I mean? Use all of your senses because that helps maximize the potential, doesn't it?

Yes. And, and as I've said probably too many times already, your mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. So when you are visualizing and you're immersing all your senses, your mind is acting as if it's happening. You're taking yourself in that direction. So it's, it's, I think visualization is the most powerful technique.

What's on your vision board for the foreseeable future then, Natalie?

Oh, okay. I'm looking at it now. It's pinned behind my desk. I think my, one of my biggest ones is a book. I've had, I've had this idea for a book for about 2 years. And I really want to bring that to life. So that's something I'm actively manifesting at the moment. And our house as well, which was another big manifestation. We manifested our house and to get that finished and make it kind of a home for all of us, like a home we feel proud of. That's not a half-finished building site. They're my two big things at the moment.

Fantastic. I love that. And I know how hard it is to write a book as well, because I'm in the middle of writing an ebook.

Oh, wow.

It's just a nightmare, isn't it? Like, there's so much.

It's a big thing, yes. And I think, I know I could self-publish it, but in my manifestation, I want to have like a publishing deal. So I've mapped it out, I've written a couple of chapters, so I'm confident it will happen. But it's like in divine timing, isn't it? You can't push these things. It will happen if it's meant to happen, when it's meant to happen.

Yeah, there's just so much as well, because I've wrote, I think I've wrote about 10 chapters so far, but I keep on going back to it all the time, and then I'm like, I forgot to add that bit in. And then I'll reread it and I'll think, no, I really shouldn't mention that, or that could do with like another chapter all on its own. Yeah, yeah, it's, it's never going to end, do you know what I mean? I need to eventually just set myself a target and think, yeah, I'm going to release it on this day, so I need to have it finished by this day, and that'll push me.

Yeah, yeah, I think, I think have that clear goal, isn't it? I think that's the thing when you're manifesting, is getting clear, isn't it? That's the key thing, get clear, um, and then, you know, taking that inspired action, which obviously you are with with the starting of the writing process.

Yeah, definitely. So how can people find you then, Natalie? Because on your website people can book coaching sessions, can't they? They can book hypnotherapy one-on-one sessions. So how can people find you?

So, um, Instagram. So, um, on Instagram it's @clarity_coachinghypnotherapy. It's such a— the thing with my job title, it's such a long wordy one, I can't seem to abbreviate it. Um, and so Instagram is my main platform. Platform. And then I have recently ventured onto TikTok as well. I was thinking I'm too old for TikTok and I was thinking it was all dancing, but it's absolutely not. But it's not at all. It's actually such an amazing platform for kind of sharing information and learning different things. I think that's how I discovered you as well, was on TikTok. Your TikToks are amazing. I love them. Yeah, they are so good. So, yeah, so TikTok, you can find me as well, and Instagram, and obviously through my website as well. Oh, and my podcast as well. My new podcast, if you want to come have a listen to that as well.

Yeah. So what I'll do is I'll put all of the above into the show notes below, including the link to Natalie's website, her Instagram, TikTok, and the podcast. So, yeah, Natalie, thank you so much for joining me on today's episode. I hope you've enjoyed it.

Thank you. It's been amazing. Thank you so much for having me. It's been an amazing opportunity. Thank you to come on here.

No problem. Really appreciate you coming on. And if you enjoyed today's episode, please don't forget to leave me a review wherever you're listening from. Don't forget to visit cannycrystals.co.uk, use the discount code which is the word podcast, and I'll see you all next Friday for another episode of Canny Crystals Podcast. Thanks so much for listening, guys. Have a lovely weekend. Bye!

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