063: Avoiding conflict at Christmas

Pros!

Save more on what you need to get the job done right, right now at Lowe's. Get 15% off select custom entry and interior doors. Plus, save $80 on the DeWalt 20V Max 2-Tool Combo Kit, now just $169. And at the Lowe's Pro Desk, bring us your materials list and get a quote in minutes. Handwritten, a photo, or even a sticky note is all you need. Keep your jobs moving faster and on budget at Lowe's. Valid through 7/8. While supplies last. Selection varies by location.

Hi everyone, and thank you so much for listening to another episode of Cani Crystals, the podcast. So if you're listening to this today kind of as this episode is released, it's Friday, it's the 23rd of December. We're almost there, it's almost Christmas. And as you listen to this, I'll probably be on my 9-hour journey with the dog in the car to Northern Ireland to spend Christmas with Johnny at his dad's house. And he still has no idea that I'm going. I don't know how I've kept it a secret. Like, I can't even hold me water, so I don't know how I've kept this a secret. It's just absolutely manic. Anyway, this week it has been absolutely manic for me, as you can imagine, because on Sunday, I don't know if you saw my Instagram, but it was me mam's 60th birthday. And if you listen to the pod for a while, you'll know that we went to London. And also this week as well, at the very last minute, I decided to launch the Candy Crystals Academy. And then I've had to record 31 podcast episodes for January for the 31 Days of Gratitude. Then I've had to do me presentation for me big speech in January at that talk at the Beauty Growth Academy. And then on top of that, I've had to wrap presents, do Christmas shopping, take care of the dog on me own while me partner's over in Northern Ireland. So as I record this, it is 2:45 AM. Like quarter to 3 in the morning. I'm sat at home, I'm on me couch, and I'm surrounded by wrapping paper. I've got sellotape up me arm, there's suitcases on the floor, there's clothes thrown all over me bed. I feel exhausted if I tell you the truth, but I'm finally getting a break and I won't be packing any more orders now until the 2nd of January. And it works out well as well because the postal system is still a bit of an absolute nightmare at the minute. And I'm officially back in the office. Let me just have a quick check on this. Yes, the 2nd of January, but I'll still be posting on Instagram. I'll still be responding to messages. I'm going to try and make a bit of a conscious effort to, you use TikTok because yeah, I'm just not using it and I've got 80,000 followers on there. I really should be using it more. But yeah, anyway, where do I start this week? As I mentioned, Sunday it was my mom's 60th birthday, and if you've listened to the pod for a while, you'll know exactly what went down. And it was just, oh, it was the most magical day, let me tell you. ABBA Voyage in London, if you get to go, go. It's one of the best shows that I've ever seen in my entire life. And I always thought that I would never say that over seeing Beyoncé. So I've never actually been like a huge ABBA fan, if that makes sense. Like, don't hate me, don't send me any death threats. Um, don't get me wrong, I've always listened to the music, but I've never been, you know, a massive fan that, you know, would sit and watch their music videos, for example. But when those lights went down and that show started, my eyes started tearing up, and me mom and me aunties looked like they were all in their elements. And the show itself was just absolutely fantastic. It was worth every penny because I did think it was quite expensive for the tickets. But now that I've seen it and seen what's gone on, gone, gone like into the show and how the show was actually made, it is worth every penny. So if you're in London, you're unsure of what to do, get yourself along to see ABBA Voyage at the ABBA Arena because honestly you will not regret it. I don't even think it's on for that long as well. I think it's only on until September, or it's only commissioned until September, shall I say. It might get recommissioned, I don't know. But I always thought, why haven't they brought it to like Newcastle or Manchester or Birmingham or— but when you actually get to see it, you know when you go to a gig and they've got like a screen at the front of the, the show to show you like what's happening on the stage? This screen goes right the way around the arena. It is fully immersive. Things come down from the ceiling. Like, there is no way that they would be able to tour that and get it built in time. Uh, yeah, you've just got to go and experience it yourself. Like I say, you won't regret it. But then, after a really long day in London, because me mam and aunties won't stay over in another city for fear of leaving me nana on her own back in Durham— sigh— we got on the train home and I presented me mam with a letter of resignation to her current employer, and then I also presented her with a Canicrystals contract. So her first reaction was to obviously laugh, and then we got the tears, and then came the kind of the stubborn attitude that I thought was going to come out in the first place and what I was really prepared for. For anyway. And she just said to me that, you know, there's no way I can accept this, there's no way that I can accept taking money from you. So I just had to basically sit and explain to her that every single penny that I make for the business doesn't belong to me, it belongs to the business. Every single penny I make in that business gets ploughed straight back into the business, minus a small wage for meself, obviously, to keep us afloat. But I'm not paying meself anything more than I was getting when I was working in the NHS. Because that's what I've become accustomed to. That's what my mortgage and, you know, my gas and electricity and my car bills and things like that, that's what I've become accustomed to. So that is the money that I still pay myself every single month. But every single penny that comes into the business aside from that gets plowed straight back into the business, whether it be new stock, whether it be, you know, like I've launched the academy this week, like I say. So that cost £2,500 to for the, basically, the licenses and everything for me to build that website on Kajabi. Do you know what I'm saying? So every single penny I get goes straight back into the business. So anyway, to cut a long story short, once we got back to Durham and I dropped me mam off home, she asked to see the contract again. And I said that, you know, just think about it, let us know in the morning. And that was Sunday night. So on Monday morning she rang us and she said that she'd had a bit of a tearful night talking it all through with me nana and her husband, and everyone was more than happy for her to get out of the job that she's in at the minute as a full-time carer and just to, you know, potentially come and work for me in busy periods when needed, but even just to come and clean our house every now and again because she really, really enjoys cleaning, doing housework and ironing. And I said, I was like, well, we've got a huge TV in the living room, like, if you want to sit and watch your soaps, surely you could just like bring the ironing board downstairs and iron while you watch your soaps. And I honestly don't mind her doing that, like and she loves INN, and it would really help me out because obviously me being busy here down the office, I don't get much time in the house at the minute. And Johnny's working constantly and he's obviously at home 24/7 because that's where his office is, it's in the house. But because he's working all the time, he doesn't have the capacity to do that either, if that makes sense. Like, he works it till 6 pretty much Monday to Saturday as well because he's got his own business doing graphic design. So anyway, From January 16th, my mom is officially working for Canny Crystals. So as I've mentioned before, I don't particularly want her to physically work for us. I mean, sure, yes, she could probably help out when it's busy, but I just wanted her to be free of that mundane 24/7 care routine that she was in. Going to work, caring for people, coming home, caring for people, you know, it was just driving her into the ground, bless her. Because I think working night shift is an absolute killer. So for example, if she was working on a Monday and a Wednesday, she would have to have slept all day Monday, then she would go to work on the Monday night, she would sleep for a couple of hours on the Tuesday when she got back, then she would have to sleep on the Wednesday daytime, go to work on the Wednesday night, and then sleep all day the Thursday. So those 2 days were basically turning into 4 days, if that makes sense. So anyway, I've officially retired me mum, and I am so, so grateful for that. Like, I had tears when she'd accepted, and I sat there and I just like kind of looked up to the universe and just thought, oh my God, I'm so grateful, thank you so much for letting me do this. It's never been something that I thought I would ever get to do, and I always wanted to pay her mortgage off, but then when she paid that off herself a few years ago, the next step for me basically was to retire her before she hit 67. And I actually put it on my vision board at the start of this year, so I've managed to accomplish that with one week to spare. And with 7 years of me mam's life to spare before she's pensionable as well. So I'm just so, so grateful, I'm so, so happy, and I just know that my granddad will be looking down on us because this is what he wanted all along. He wanted me mam out of that job. He wanted, you know, just for her to be able to be the person that she is without the restrictions of being absolutely shattered all the time from her job. So after all the excitement from the weekend and all the excitement from retiring me mam as well, Um, I started working on the 31 Days of Gratitude. Now, like I said last week, this is a private podcast, so I've arranged to start this on the 1st of January 2023 and run for 31 days across January, whereby every single day a podcast episode of roughly, you know, 5 to 10 minutes long that'll drop, and it'll give you some thought-provoking questions to answer in a journal or a notepad every single day. You can use it as you wish. You can do it like every other day. You could do it in February if you really wanted to. And I was just wondering how I was going to get around the logistics of this. And suddenly I thought to myself, why don't I host it on my new platform along with the rest of, you know, my online e-courses that I'm yet to launch? And within the space of about 5 or 10 minutes, I'd recorded an episode, I'd stuck it on the new platform, I'd worked out the logistics of how it was actually going to happen, So I just decided to launch it. So unless you've been living under a rock, you'll know by now that Canny Crystals Academy is now open for business. You can find the academy by going to the main menu at cannycrystals.co.uk. Just select Canny Crystals Academy from the main menu, and that will take you to the academy homepage whereby you can, you know, sign up to the newsletter for discounts and offers. You can choose a course to go through. Currently, there are only two courses. So one is the Crystal Masterclass. That I already offered basically and had on my other website, but I've now upgraded and updated it. So there's more content on this one. So if you have bought before, check your emails, you'll have a discount code that you can get access to this one for free as well. But I've also now added the 31 Days of Gratitude, which will be free to you for life if you sign up before the 31st of January. So make sure that you sign up before the 31st of January and that will be free to you for life. So yes, starting from the 1st of January, to everyone who has signed up so far, you'll get a new 5-minute podcast episode every single day. And all you need to do to take part is, like I say, get a notepad or paper or pen, and you can do these activities every single day. And I think most people, when doing gratitude, would prefer to do it first thing on a morning. And you'll know this if you've read The Magic, for example, because most people prefer to do it first thing on a morning. But it's entirely down to you. And like I say, once you sign up, you've got this course access for life. You can come back and revisit it whenever you like. So this is your academy, it's all down to you. But like I say, get yourself logged on to the academy, get signed up, access the course while it's free, and I hope you really, really enjoy it. And I hope that you really enjoy the academy as a whole and learning about manifestation and spirituality and, you know, everything else involved in the very near future. You'll also see on the homepage that there are two courses that are coming really, really soon. So one is the one that I've talked about before. So it's the Manifesting Money Masterclass. And the reason that I've done this is that I get a lot of messages on a daily basis, and they're mainly around how do I manifest money, how do I live my best life, how do I raise my wealth and abundance. So I've put together a course that will be out really, really soon. And when I say soon, I'm hoping for maybe around the start of February time. Don't hold me to that because there is a lot of work to do. There's a lot of video content to record and create. I've got to do all the scripting before that. I've got to do all of the downloads and things. So yeah, it's going to be all about how to manifest abundance, prosperity, wealth, and joy into your life, ultimately to help you achieve those goals and get those dollar dollar bills. The other course on there is going to be my main offering, and when I say main offering, I mean on a giant scale. I don't know anyone else that's doing this at the minute, but the Manifesting Magic Academy, it's going to incorporate the Crystal Masterclass, the Manifesting Magic Masterclass, then it's going to be, you know, subliminals, EFT, visualization, meditations. There's going to be thousands of downloads there. There's going to be so much information about the law of attraction and different spiritual practices, as well as access to an exclusive Facebook group where I'll be holding monthly video calls with you all. And every month we'll discuss a different topic, whether that be, you know, the cycles of the moon, or how to manifest with crystals, or how to manifest using things. And we will go into real depth and real detail. You can let me know where you're struggling and I can give you real-time answers. So that's going to be an exclusive Facebook group as part of the Manifesting Magic Academy. And obviously, because this is a huge course, it does mean that this is going to take some time to launch. So I'm hoping for this course, hoping for this to be ready around April time. So hopefully the start of April, because that'll coincide with Cani Crystal's second birthday. I've got massive plans, you know, for 2023, and I honestly can't wait to share them with you. But there are still some things that I'm keeping really, really top secret. And you know, like I say, I usually can't hold me water, but I'm just so excited to share it with you all eventually. I could pop and burst with excitement. So yeah, so all of that said anyway, Today, with today's episode, because it's Christmas, I wanted to focus on something that I think, you know, a lot of you might struggle with over the festive season because Christmas is usually about getting together with friends and family. And I know meself that not everyone in certain families get along. Not all friends in different circles get along. You know what I'm saying? So we've already done an episode on protecting your energy, so go back and like re-listen to that if you want to because I think that might be beneficial to you.. But today I wanted to do a little mention here and now about how to avoid conflict. So yes, Christmas Day may be the most wonderful time of the year, but with extended family like coming for the, you know, like those claustrophobic gatherings, the in-laws critiquing your every move, the financial burden of, you know, buying presents, it's little wonder that Christmas is also filled with like pressure, resentment, and kind of political grievance just waiting to erupt. And I think the major family bust-up is now kind of, you know, that stamp and hallmark of a British Christmas time. So if you find yourself tempted to hop in the kitchen alone with a bottle of Prosecco to escape your maddening relatives, just save the good stuff. Try these strategies instead. Okay, so the first is to set clear boundaries. Difficult family members can be a bit like toddlers when you think about it. They need empathy but also clear boundaries. So before you've got any form of get-together going on, Be really clear about how long you'll be together, what it is you'll be doing, whether that be like, you know, going out for a walk, whether it be going for a meal or drinks, or who will be responsible for what, and what time it all ends. That's your chance to iron out any wrinkles ahead of time and set clear expectations. It also stops any unexpected people turning up or people overstaying their welcome. There's nothing worse on Christmas Day, isn't it, when you just want to lie down, you just want to go to sleep, and then your auntie turns up or something, or your uncle comes around and they just want to chat. It's particularly helpful when it comes to dealing with toxic people as well. Like, if you've got troubled history with a particular family member, set a strict limit on the time that you're going to spend together with them and bookend it, you know, with like people that you actually want to spend time with to reset the balance. If you fall in a strange territory with, you know, a brother or sister or a parent A good approach is to start asking questions rather than trying to defend anything, and that can help steer your relationship beyond frustration and towards a mutual understanding. As long as you remain calm and curious, you can help other people, like, avoid that passive aggression and get to the heart of what's going on. You can also try listening without listening, and this is something I do all the time, and this is a really good tip, okay? It's a really good one for remote relatives, you know, like one-off visitors that you only see at Christmas. Your drunken Auntie Sandra might be absolutely determined to deliver her Brexit speech mid-brussels sprouts, but there's no need for you to really hear it. So instead, revert to school day tactics. Switch off, smile blankly, nod in the right places. And I have to do this with my nan most of the time, and she means no harm, bless her, but everything is so negative because she's naturally a worrier. And like my mum keeps on saying, it's because she's got nothing better to do. She lives her life in her house, watching the news, reading the newspapers. For example, last week I rang her the night before we went to London to see ABBA, and I got, you know, "There's train strikes, Martin. There's plane strikes, Martin. It's got to snow. What if you get stuck in London overnight? What if you can't get home? I don't think your mum likes ABBA. I don't think she'll quit her job for you. I don't think she'll be able to get there early enough to get the train to London. I think you've spent too much money." Jesus Christ, you know, quite honestly, usually I do the nod and smile trick when I'm there face to face, but on the phone it's harder, and I really let it get to me last Saturday. I even texted Jude, me life coach, afterwards just to say like, you know, Jesus Christ, I'm drained. But when you think about it, smiling and nodding is just like switching off from the outside world, and that's actually a great exercise in meditation too. You know, when you silence the external factors as well as the inner dialogue That's the ultimate mindfulness exercise after all. So if you find it too difficult to do, you could always, I don't know, turn to your neighbour at the table, like your brother or your sister, and just kind of launch into a different conversation. Or you could even get Bublé involved and turn up the tunes real loud. Whatever feels best for you, okay? Distraction is also a great way to change the subject from conflict as well. So children are an excellent distraction when it comes to stifling that Christmas conversation. You only need one baby to kind of throw the food on the floor or the hair or start eating wrapping paper, and everything else is kind of forgotten. So you can use that chaotic element to your advantage by organizing kind of a boisterous game of charades or something. Just whenever things threaten to become tense or difficult, just have that something as a backup, even if it is just charades. Because if there aren't any kids around, you can still do that. Just have your charade props handy. Just be ready to basically roll them out at a moment's notice. Failing all of that, you could even suggest a family walk, and that's something that I've done in the last couple of years. There's nothing like being crammed together, you know, around a dining table with one too many drinks in the mix to kind of fan the flames of family tension. So if the temperature starts to get heated in your house, get everyone bundled into their Christmas/winter coats and go on a little ramble. Just go around your estate. Go— you could even take the dog out for a walk if you have one. If nothing else, the change of air will sober you all up, and it'll kind of introduce a more relaxed vibe. You can avoid unwanted topics more easily on a stroll as well. You can just speed up and like go ahead and talk to other people in front, or fall back and just tie your shoelaces or something, or just even start throwing sticks for the dog. Yeah, I'd also say that napping is practically a rite of passage at Christmas as well, but the key is not to call it by its name. Don't call it napping. I've been caught out by this loads of time. You'll have a tough time escaping if you say that you're going 'Go upstairs for a nap.' Instead, just say something vague. Say that you're just going upstairs to find ribbon, or you're going to check on the Christmas lights, or you're just going to go and get changed. Something like that. It's amazing how just 15 minutes alone in a quiet place, lay on your bed, can clear your head. It can cool down any angst that you have inside your body. Just think of it as your emergency wildcard. It's kind of a way to press reset when all else fails. Just don't try to fall asleep entirely. But above all, just appreciate the family you have. As morbid as it sounds, if I catch myself complaining about me family, I constantly remind meself how lucky I am that they're all alive and well. After losing me grandad a few years ago, it kind of just makes me realise how lucky we all are to have each other there. And I'm sure that you've all lost someone too, so just to let you know, I am thinking of you all as well. Christmas is already hard enough as it is for some people, so really try pulling the gratitude process out the bag and just remind yourself of what you you actually have in your life. Just remember to breathe. Let other people have their own emotions, just like you're entitled to yours. Christmas is a time for joy and happiness and relaxation, so remember to try doing exactly that. And on that note, I'm going to bid you all an amazing Christmas this year. Let's just hope you don't have to use any of my little tips there and that your Christmas Day basically goes without hitch. Next week, with it coming to the end of the year, I think it's only fitting if the episode is all about setting yourself goals for the future, setting yourself targets to hit for the next 12 months, that kind of vibe, okay? It might be a bit of a shorter episode because I usually tell you about what's happened in the last week, but the second I stop recording this episode, I'm going to record that one as well. LOL. It's 3:15 AM. I ain't sleeping anytime soon. I've just had a coffee, in fact, so I can sleep on the ferry, it's fine. So yes, have an amazing festive break, everyone. On. Whatever you lot get up to, I hope it's amazing. Hope that you get to spend some time with family if that's what you want, or friends. And yeah, go sign up to my 31 Days of Gratitude via the Academy, and I'll see you all next Friday for another episode of Canning Crystals the podcast. Love to you all. Merry Christmas. Bye!