091: Building a growth mindset

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Wayfair, every style, every home. Hello everyone, hope that you're all well. Welcome back to another episode of Candy Crystals, the podcast. As you know by now, my name is Mart, I am your host, and this week I have been, well actually, I was going to say I've been in adoption training, I have been in adoption training, but that's not the reason that I'm tired. I'm tired because, please, if anyone's got any tips for this, my dog gets me up at 3:00 AM on the dot most mornings. So I'll go to bed about 11, something like that, and then I'll be asleep for about 4 hours, and he wakes me up, and for some reason, I'm such a light sleeper, honestly. Like, when the bloody baby comes, it's gonna be me changing the nappies and doing all the feeds through the night. I just know it. He can literally walk into the room, and as soon as he walks in the room, I kind of sense that he's there, so it makes me open my eyes. And as soon as I kind of sit up to see if he's there, he'll notice me doing that, and he'll be like, "Oh good, you're awake. I'll run downstairs." And he runs down the stairs. And obviously I don't wanna just like keep him confined in the house and just think, "Oh well, if you wee yourself, you wee yourself," kind of thing. But I'm just scared in case he poos or wees in the house because he never has done. So I'll come downstairs, I'll open the front door, and he'll go out for about 10 seconds, and I mean 10 seconds, and he'll cock his leg, and then by the time I've locked the door, he's already back on the top floor fast asleep. He's a little shit, honestly. So yeah, I'm a bit tired, but this week I've been in adoption training again, and it was the last 2 days of my adoption training, and We've had 6 in total. This was the last 2. I think we've only got like 2 more home visits and then referee visits, and then it's our panel date, which is very, very nerve-wracking, um, because we've been told that we could be placed literally a week after the panel date, and our panel date is 7 weeks away. So I could have a kid potentially in 8 weeks' time. And yeah. Let that sink in because I don't know how I'm going to keep afloat of everything. It's a good job I've got Jade in the office and it's a good job I've got my mum to help out and stuff like that, but I'm starting to panic just because obviously bringing a kid in is obviously— it's going to spice things up. And yeah, you know, you all know the crack by now. So to make my life a little bit easier this week, I actually started on meal prep. Basically, I hate food shopping. I hate going food shopping. I've got so many allergies and I have to check all the packets. And then obviously once you've bought it all, I'll spend like £40 or £50 in Tesco. Then once you've bought it all, you've got to bring it home and you've got to find time to cook it. And then 9 times out of 10, that food ends up like going in the bin because I'll end up ordering a takeaway or something along those lines. So I thought I'm going to look into food prep. I've actually gone with Prep Kitchen and there is a £10 off code in the show notes for this episode. So go and have a look at that. But basically I went with Prep Kitchen because they come ready-made and you have 2 a day. So I'm getting 12 for the week and it was £50. And I thought, actually, that's all right. Do you know what I mean? That was with like a code where you get like £10 off. And I thought, actually, that's all right because that's about what I spend on food anyway. And then I'm not tempted to buy other stuff and treats and, you know, pile the beef on. Because I am getting bigger and I know I am and I really need to get on the Peloton more and eat less, but hey ho. I also had a bit of a midlife crisis this week. You might have seen it on my Instagram stories. So I went with my mom to the Metrocentre, which is basically a big indoor shopping center in Newcastle. Well, it's actually in Gateshead, but you know what I mean. And we only went in for cleaning products, like to clean the house and clean the office and stuff like that. And as I walked in, I just saw a tattoo and piercing shop, and I was like, oh, piercings. And then I just suddenly thought, like, you know, I wore this fake nose ring all the way through, um, me holiday with Fran, and I just thought to myself, you know, might as well just get me nose pierced for real rather than wearing that shitty little bullring thing every day. So I pulled my mom in, and my mom was like, what we doing in here? And I was like, well, it's a tattoo and piercing studio. And she was like, what? Honestly, she shit herself. She went white in the face. She said that she was going to pass away. Very dramatic, just like me. And I kept saying, well, what's wrong? And she was like, eee, just making me feel sick. Eee, the sound of the tattoo gun makes me ill. Eee, my God, I feel like I'm gonna be sick. Eee, I feel nauseous. Honestly, she's so dramatic. Um, but yeah, I got my nose pierced, and the only reason that I wanted my nose pierced was obviously so that I could wear a ring. And then they told me that I can't change the bar for 4 months. So I'm stuck with a little stud. So I look super gay at the moment. So if you see me on photos or Instagram or anything like that, yeah, I look super gay. Anyway, enough about me. This week I wanted to talk about something that we spoke about in our adoption training this week because I don't know, I just thought it was really relevant to the law of attraction and manifestation and all that because it was all about the importance of having a growth mindset. Because ultimately our mindset shapes whether we believe we can learn and change and grow or not. So from the shape of your skull to the size of your foot, you know, your body's physical characteristics, they're more or less likely to be predetermined from the start. Okay. And of course, you can get like plastic surgery or you can break a bone. But we as human beings generally have kind of very little control over our body's features. But what about when it comes to physical abilities, you know, like playing basketball or drawing or solving maths problems? Like, are they hereditary and are they given from our parents or are they actually learned? Because our mindset plays a crucial role in, you know, how we see ourselves and how we see others. So simply put, our mindset shapes our beliefs in accomplishing something. And people with a fixed mindset believe, you know, they are born naturally gifted at doing some things, but utterly incapable of doing others, whereas people with a growth mindset would believe that they can become capable of anything if they try hard enough. And that's such a powerful trait to have when it comes to manifestation, because if you believe that you try hard enough, you can have anything you want in your life. So the people in the latter group continue growing throughout their lives. They acquire new skills as they go and actively engage in their relationships. For them, life in every area is in a constant state of change. But by contrast, people with a fixed mindset often let their, you know, black and white way of thinking obstruct their development. So if they fail at something, they're gonna bury their heads in the sand or they'll blame others. And they'll hope for everlasting love in their relationships rather than working on the relationships themselves. They always, like, look into the future and kind of just hoping for the best outcome. So when children with a growth mindset are given a difficult maths problem to solve at school, for example, they would jump to the challenge and want to do more problems just like that at home. They recognise that the more problems they solve, the more they're gonna learn. So the sky's the limit when it comes to life's possibilities for children with a growth mindset. Both growth and development are possible in the growth mindset, okay? So there are many things in life that, you know, we can only achieve with effort. Yet when people with a fixed mindset are faced with a difficult situation, all they see are risks because the more time and energy they invest in something, the fewer excuses they have if they fail. And I used to be like this. Like, I would always be in a fixed mindset. Like, I used to hate me job, I used to hate me life, and it was always like, "Woe is me." Like, I would always see the negative in things because I had a fixed mindset. It's only been like the last 4 years that my mindset has actually changed into a growth mindset. Since me granddad died, really. But that way of thinking makes it impossible for people with a fixed mindset to better themselves without questioning their own talent. So they'll question themselves all the time. They avoid difficult situations. They don't want to potentially make a fool of themselves in public. But challenges give people with a growth mindset the opportunity to pursue purpose-filled actions. So people with a fixed mindset avoid all those difficulties. Those with a growth mindset would relish in them, okay? So our mindset is often strongly influenced by, you know, role models that we had as children because ultimately when you think about it, mindset development begins at birth. So babies will come into the world with a growth mindset. You know, they want to learn, they want to grow as much as possible every day. They're very inquisitive, they're always looking around. Most babies end up with a bald patch on the back of the head because they're constantly turning their head from side to side watching what's going on. They want to learn, they want to grow. But the adult in a child's environment, usually their parents or their caregivers, they play a huge role in determining whether that child maintains that desire to grow or eventually adopts a fixed mindset. And I see this all the time. Like, when I was at Fran's house, um, obviously I walked in and Bo came straight in and she basically put this like Irish jig music on and started doing an Irish jig. And Fran was so so good with it. She said— she was like, wow, boy, your dancing's getting so good. Um, I wonder if you can improve that. And your dancing is amazing. You're getting so, so good at that, and I'm so, so proud of you. And I was like, oh my God, this is it. Like, Fran is literally implanting all of this positivity in her daughter, and it was lovely to see, don't get us wrong. Um, but simply put, parents set a mindset example for their children. Parents with a growth mindset would encourage their children and kind of urge them to continue learning. Whereas those with a fixed mindset are always judging their children, you know, telling them what's right or wrong, good or bad. And that's kind of how I was brought up because, I don't know, we just lived in a little village and, you know, my mom had quite a fixed mindset. She still— she still does have quite a fixed mindset, but she is like— she is overcoming it. I think the more that she spends time with me, she is developing a growth mindset. But our mindset is not entirely predetermined at birth. Yeah, it can kind of change as early as childhood when we adopt the mindsets of our role models. So our mindset is often strongly influenced by the role models that we had as children. But anyone can adopt a growth mindset and anyone can make the impossible possible. Nobody really has to be a victim of their surroundings when developing their own mindset because the brain can be trained just like any other muscle. So if we want a growth mindset, we can teach ourselves to think that way one step at a time. So here's an example. Think about this. You're in the kitchen, you're making tea, and you accidentally drop a plate on the floor. So the first kind of fixed thought might be, "God, I'm so fucking clumsy." But people who are conscious of that reaction and want to change it can, you know, push themselves to adopt a growth mindset by thinking, "Oh well, these things happen. I'll clean it up and I'll be careful next time." So can you see what happened? They learned a lesson from that. They'll clean it up. Things happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. We'll try better next time. And that's what having a growth mindset is all about. Working towards a growth mindset kind of presents a great opportunity to reach out.

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Wayfair, every style, every home. To other people for support, to, you know, talk about our faults and our mistakes and to make viable concrete plans for achieving our goals. So it's really, really important to understand that a fixed mindset is, it's not easy to kick, okay? 'Cause we all want rid of that fixed mindset. We all want the growth mindset. And it's not easy to get rid of that fixed mindset because it's likely became an emotional crutch over the years because it's what's gonna protect us from failure. It's gonna create recognition in the eyes of our parents and our partners. It's gonna boost our self-confidence. So it's there to comfort us, you know, time and time again. So getting rid of it can be extremely discomforting in itself. But in truth, it's not really necessary to give up a fixed mindset altogether. We just need to kind of adopt the growth perspective in certain situations, and that's usually enough. Like, even if a person believes that they're a lost cause when it comes to sports, they could still be making leaps and bounds at work every day in another area of their life. Yeah? So it's just about, like, seeing which areas of your life you can adopt a growth mindset in. So it might be worthwhile, you know, getting a pen and paper and just plotting out all the areas of your life. So for example, like work, friendships, relationships, money, plot out all the different areas of your life and then score them 1 to 10 on how you think your growth mindset is in those specific areas, like 1 being horrific, like a fixed mindset, or 10 being a total growth mindset. Because like I say, before I started doing all my money limiting belief work and things like that, before I launched my money course, I did a lot of work on limiting beliefs around money. I worked with Jude, my life coach, and honestly, I was making more last year than I've ever made in my entire life. So it does work, but it was because I adopted a growth mindset and I wanted to learn. I enrolled myself in courses. I wanted to, you know, develop myself further. I wanted to kind of better every thought that was going through my head in relation to money. I didn't want it to be the same fixed mindset that the rest of my family have around money. In that, you know, it'll never be— we'll never have enough, that kind of thing. So as I mentioned, one of the fundamental aspects of a growth mindset is kind of the willingness to embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. Okay, so instead of seeing obstacles that are coming your way, people with a growth mindset would see them as stepping stones towards success. So it's like seeing these hurdles, but they're basically stepping stones to success. So they understand that setbacks and failures aren't indications of capability, but kind of a valuable lesson on the path to achieving their goals. Can you imagine if our parents wrapped us up in cotton wool and didn't let us, you know, fall off our bike, for example? We would never learn how to ride the bike. Does that kind of make sense? Because if we were just wrapped up in cotton wool, we wouldn't get all of the negative experiences to then appreciate the positives as well. So they are actual valuable lessons on the path to achieving our goals. By reframing challenges in that way, we can approach them with determination and resilience and finding innovative solutions and, you know, gaining valuable insights that propel us forward. A growth mindset just encourages us to view learning as a lifelong journey. We're never going to know everything, okay? So those people who possess that mindset would recognise that acquiring knowledge and developing new skills are essential for personal and professional growth. It's like I've just rejoined recently Francesca Ambrosio. Book club, not because of the community or anything like that, although the community is amazing, but I just stopped reading. And I'm like, well, I actually enjoy reading, I get a lot out of it, and it's obviously helping me learn, develop. I'm recording a podcast every week on self-development, so it would make sense that I was in a self-development book club so that everything I learn I can pass down to you lot through this podcast for free. Ta-da! Um, but yeah, that's the kind of thing I'm on about. It is a lifelong journey. We're never going to know everything, but rather than being content with your existing abilities, individuals with a growth mindset would actively seek out opportunities to expand their horizons. So they'll embrace feedback. They'll welcome the critique and constructive criticism and all that because they're valuable tools for improvement. They can use that to improve. So by continually learning and honing their skills, they're able to enhance their competence, their adaptability, and their capacity to manifest their goals more successfully. So the belief that effort and persistence lead to growth and achievement, that kind of lies at the core of a growth mindset. So people that have that mindset understand that success doesn't come easily. It doesn't come instantaneously. Okay. They recognise that it's all about sustained effort. I always say, don't I, it's all about consistency. Consistency is key. It's all about consistency. Dedication, perseverance, because they're all necessary to overcome obstacles and achieve your desired outcomes. With a growth mindset as well, setbacks and failures, they're not viewed as indicators of, you know, being inadequate or anything like that, but like I say, as stepping stones towards that improvement. Okay. And that perspective would fuel their motivation. So people with a growth mindset, that perspective would fuel them. It would allow them to persist even when faced with, you know, all these challenges, all this adversity, all these setbacks. Because a growth mindset fosters resilience and adaptability, and they're crucial traits for manifesting goals in a rapidly changing world. So when setbacks occur or circumstances change unexpectedly, people with a growth mindset don't become disheartened or discouraged. They just remain flexible and open-minded. And that's what I say about the Law of Attraction. We have to become open-minded. We can't just try and manifest something from one tiny perspective, because then you're limiting yourself to all the different opportunities that could come up for you. You're limiting yourself to all the different avenues that your manifestation could come to you via. Okay, so you just need to remain flexible and open-minded, adapt your strategies and approaches as necessary, because ultimately, when you view obstacles as opportunities to learn, grow, and pivot towards your alternate paths, that ability to adapt and bounce back from the setbacks that increases the likelihood of successfully manifesting your goals. Okay, so one of the most significant, like, advantages of a growth mindset is the ability to unlock our true potential, because by believing in our capacity to grow and improve, we're more likely to explore our boundaries. We're more likely to take risks. You know, we'll challenge those self-imposed limitations and all those limiting beliefs that we have. And that mindset allows us to venture outside of our comfort zones and kind of embrace opportunities that align with our goals. And as we tap into our capabilities and push beyond them, self-imposed limits and all those limiting beliefs, we discover those hidden talents and those strengths. And that enables us to manifest our goals in ways that we might not have, you know, initially envisioned. So in the journey towards manifesting our goals, by cultivating a growth mindset, it's the most important thing. Okay, so just embrace those challenges, nurture that thirst for continuous learning, exhibit effort, persistence, resilience, adaptability, because they're all qualities that will contribute to your success. Okay, so just give that some thought when you're next faced with some challenges or setbacks, because it's one of the messages that I get all the time. It'll be things like, something's happened at work, so-and-so said this, so-and-so said this, um, like, faced with this hurdle, I don't know what to do here. And I'm like, you've just got to learn to adapt, be resilient, you know, try and overcome it best you can, put on a happy face, and you will bounce back. Okay, so just give that some thought when you're next faced with your challenges, like I say. So as always, if you've enjoyed this episode, please give me a rate, review, or subscribe. We're at number 1 again for I think the 5th week in a row now. I'm here for it. But if you did have your eyes set on anything from cannycrystals.co.uk don't forget, use the code PODCAST for 10% off. And I'm even now extending this across the site at cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk as well. So if you're interested in any self-development courses, because this episode was all about self-development and growing your mind, uh, you can enter the code PODCAST at cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk now as well, and you'll also get 10% off everything there too. So I am off to meet Fern Cotton this weekend with Emma Mumford and Francesca Amber, and I am so, so excited So keep your eyes peeled on my Instagram, which is @cannycrystals, or you can follow my personal, which is @marttweedey. Follow us this weekend for updates, and I will see all of you beautiful lot next Friday for another episode of Canny Crystals, the podcast. Bye!

You want to get your backyard summer ready, but you don't want to break the bank? Wayfair gets it. Planning on dining alfresco or relaxing poolside? Wayfair has everything you need to prep your space. Shop now and save up to 70% off during Wayfair's Fourth of July clearance. Score huge deals on outdoor furniture, area rugs, and more. We're talking thousands of products for every style and budget. Plus, Surprise flash deals July 6th. Don't wait. Shop Wayfair's Fourth of July clearance now through July 6th at wayfair.com.

Wayfair. Every style, every home.

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