190: The truth about "letting go"

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Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Connie Crystal's Manifestation Mindset and Spirituality, where we basically sit and chat all things Law of Attraction, woo-woo magic, and how to live our best lives whilst drinking probably far too much coffee and occasionally arguing with the universe. My name is Mart Tweedy, I'm your host, and today's episode is one that I just know is going to hit home for so many of you because this is something that I get asked about all the time. And I was actually inspired to do this episode after being sent this exact question by one of my Manifest with Mart members. I think it was Angela. Um, it's that dreaded question. You know, once I've asked the universe for what I want, am I just supposed to forget about it? Like, fully wipe it from my mind? Act like I never wanted it in the first place? Should I just sit here and twiddle my thumbs and hope that it shows up while I pretend that I don't even care? Honestly, if I had a pound for every time that I've been asked this question, I'd be retired somewhere warm by now with a cocktail in hand and probably zero emails to answer. Because this is where a lot of people trip up in manifestation. We hear things like in The Secret, you know, ask, believe, receive. And then we'll be watching like a TikTok video or something, and someone will be telling us that we need to detach completely. And then you're now sat thinking, right, I want the new car, but I better not think about it because I'll scare the universe off like a pigeon in the park. But let me tell you, letting go doesn't mean forgetting. And no, you don't need to pretend that you never wanted it or start lying to your vision board like, who, me? Never even wanted that Range Rover anyway. So today we're going to clear it all up: the real difference between surrender and obsession, why some people end up accidentally blocking their manifestations by gripping on too tightly, and how to actually let go while still being excited about your dreams. Okay, so as always, I'll throw in some personal stories, probably a bit of tough love, and a few practical tips that you can actually use straight away. So let's get on with it. I'm gonna kick things off by getting brutally honest about why this whole letting go thing feels so bloody confusing for most people because the entire manifestation world can be full of mixed messages sometimes, can't it? You read one book, it tells you to visualize your goal every day. The next video on TikTok will tell you if you think about it too much, you'll block it. Then you might listen to a podcast like mine where I'll tell you to act as if it's already yours but also detach completely. Like, what? I need a spreadsheet at this point just to keep up. And that's where people start getting themselves into that manifestation head spin, you know. You want things so badly, whether it's the relationship, the house, the money, the dream job, whatever. You're doing all the things—your vision boards, affirmations, scripting, talking to the moon on your back garden patio at 2 AM. Don't worry, we've all been there. But then you start panicking. Am I trying too hard? Am I blocking it? Am I the issue? Am I being too desperate? Should I stop visualizing? Should I delete me vision board completely and burn me journal? And before you know it, you're not manifesting anymore. You're just stressed. You're fully in your own head. You're second-guessing every single move. Now, let me tell you why this happens. It's actually because your logical human brain, it wants to control the outcome. That part of you that likes a good plan, that loves a to-do list, loves a bit of control. That part of you is screaming, "Okay, tell me exactly what to do, when to do it, and how long it'll take, and I'll do it perfectly." But the universe, yeah, the universe doesn't work like that. It's not like a mail system. There's no guaranteed delivery slot. There's no tracking number. There's no, "Your manifestation is 4 stops away," for example. I wish there was sometimes, to be honest, but no. The universe works on energy, and the more you try to control exactly how and when it happens, the more you're going to create resistance. And that's where the confusion with letting go really kicks in. Because people hear things like "release control" and they think that it means "stop caring, stop wanting, act like you never wanted it in the first place, fully forget about it," and that's just not true. That's not what surrender actually means. But don't worry, because we're going to get into that properly in a minute. But before we do, let me tell you a little personal story, because you know I like to share me own cock-ups for educational purposes, of course. So just rewind a couple of years. I was trying to manifest some big growth in my business. I'd written down me income goals, I'd stuck the numbers on me bathroom cabinet, I'd visualised meself, you know, sipping margaritas on a yacht, the whole shebang. But I was obsessed with watching me bank account every single day. Has it gone up yet? Has anyone bought anything? Is this the month that it all changes for me? So I was technically micromanaging the entire process. You know, my mood was literally doing somersaults based on website notifications. If someone unsubscribed from my mailing list, I'd be sulking for hours. And guess what? Nothing happened. The more I obsessed, the more stuck I felt. And that's because my energy was screaming lack, fear, and desperation. Now, it wasn't until I genuinely shifted, and I mean properly shifted, into a place of, "You know what? I trust it's coming. I'm doing my part. It'll all unfold at the right time." It wasn't until I got there that things actually started to flow. You know, the opportunities came, the collaborations came, me audience started growing, the podcast started climbing the charts, but it didn't happen when I was sat there gripping onto it like, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings screaming, "My precious!" So if you've ever found yourself in that place of gripping too tightly, please just know that it's normal. Every single one of us has been there. You're not broken, you're not failing at manifestation, You're just being human, and that's perfectly normal. Okay, so now we've cleared up why everyone gets so confused, I want to really break down the difference between surrender and obsession, because this is going to be where the magic starts to happen once you fully start to understand it. So I'm going to start with obsession because we've all been there, right? Obsession feels like you're constantly thinking about your desire, but not in a fun, exciting way. It's that desperate, you know, "when is it coming" energy. You're refreshing your emails 30 times a day expecting to see an update about it. You're watching your followers or your orders or your DMs like your life depends on it, and every time you don't see progress, your vibe starts to dip, your confidence starts to drop, and you start spiraling into that negativity. You start trying to force it, you know, new affirmations, extra rituals, 15 more crystals under your pillow. Kinda like you're stacking those hacks trying to speed it up, and that is obsession. It's gripping, it's controlling, and here's the problem with that. Obsession comes from fear. Obsession says, "If I don't make this happen soon, it's never gonna happen for me." So you're not in alignment when you're obsessed. You're in survival mode. You're actually sending out a signal to the Universe that says, "I'm scared that this will never happen." I don't fully trust you. And the Universe always responds to your true energy, not what you're saying out loud, but what you're feeling inside and underneath. So let's flip to surrender. You know, surrender is where the magic lives. It feels completely different than obsession. You know, you still want the desire, you're still excited for it, but you're not dependent on it for your happiness or your worthiness. So you've done your part, you've set your intention, you've taken your action, You've aligned your energy, and now you're just trusting that it's unfolding in perfect timing. And it just feels so much more expansive than obsession does. You're not refreshing your emails 50 times. You're living your life. You're showing up. You're enjoying what is in front of you while fully believing that what you desire is coming, or something even better. You know, surrender says, "It's done. It's on its way. I'm open.", and in the meantime, I'm going to live me bloody life. So let me give you a little metaphor just to encapsulate this, because you know I love a metaphor. So this is the Amazon parcel analogy that I use all the time with me members. So imagine you order something off Amazon, you place the order, you get your confirmation email. Now what? Do you sit by your front door for 3 days straight staring out the window waiting for the van? Do you email Amazon every 30 minutes saying, hiya, just me, just checking, Is me parcel definitely still coming? Do you try and track the delivery driver on a map like MI5? No, of course not. You trust it's coming. You carry on with your day. You get on with life. You know that it's going to arrive. It'll be here in its own time. And manifestation works exactly the same way. You've placed your order with the universe. Surrender is then sitting back, relaxing, and being in that state of knowing that it's coming. Obsession, however, is pacing up and down your hallway panicking because it's not here yet. So there's a key difference that I want you to really take away from this. Surrender holds the energy of trust and certainty, whereas obsession holds the energy of fear and lack. So I want to share another little story with you because this is literally something that I see all the time, and I know she won't mind me sharing this. So one of my friends, Nikki, She's been trying to manifest her dream partner for the last couple of years, and bless her, she's been doing everything, and I mean everything. She had a list of qualities that she wanted in a man. She was visualizing, she was journaling, she was scripting, she was using crystals, she was doing full moon rituals, the lot. But she was also micromanaging the whole thing. So every first date she went on, she was secretly thinking, "Is this him? Is he the one?" 'If it's not him, when is he going to get here? When is my Mr. Right coming along?' And if a date didn't work out, she'd kind of spiral into that headspace of, 'Why is this not happening for me? What am I doing wrong?' So her vibe was actually pushing it away because her energy was actually more focused on the absence of the thing rather than being open to receive it. So when we worked on releasing that grip, and I mean genuinely letting go of the attachment to the outcome, everything started shifting for her. She started focusing on herself. She started having fun more, you know, living fully, feeling happy without needing the relationship to complete her. And guess what? A few months later, completely out of nowhere, she then met someone who ticked every single box on her list. It was effortless. It was aligned, and it was natural because she surrendered. She shifted from obsession into trust. So if you take one thing from this episode, just let it be this. Manifestation isn't about constantly thinking about your desire. It's about creating the feeling of safety, trust, and certainty before it even arrives. Now, before we dive into the practical tips, I want to touch on something really important that's also helped me massively in my own manifestations, so I think it'll help you as well, and it's being totally okay with, in inverted commas, the Plan B. Now, when I say Plan B, I don't mean settling for less or giving up on your desires. I just mean reaching a place where you're at peace with whatever outcome unfolds. Because here's the truth: the fastest way to release attachment is to find peace with both Plan A and Plan B. So let's say you're manifesting a new job. Plan A is your dream job—perfect salary, ideal company, your boss is basically your new bestie. Gorgeous. But Plan B, on the other hand, maybe that's just, you know, staying where you are for a little while longer, or taking a slightly different opportunity, or learning something new in the meantime that'll give you the skills for another job in the future. So when you're in obsession mode, Plan B would feel terrifying. It feels like a failure. Your mind goes, "But what if this doesn't happen at all? What if I'm stuck here forever? What if I never get what I want?" and boom, you're back in resistance, gripping and panicking. But when you reach a point of true surrender, you can say, "Of course I still want Plan A. Of course I do. It would be amazing. But if it's not yet aligned, if the timing's not quite right, or if there's something even better on the way, I'm still okay with Plan B. I'm safe. I'm supported. Nobody died. My life is still beautiful either way." So that is not giving up on your desires. It's just releasing the desperation and that desperate need for it. It's saying, "I trust whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. My happiness, my worth, my peace, they do not depend on one specific outcome." And the irony is, when you reach that level of peace, that's usually when Plan A comes flying in out of nowhere, because you've released all the resistance that was blocking it. Something I love to remind myself of from time to time is, "This or something better." So whenever I'm manifesting something, I always make sure to think or say or script this or something better, leaving it open that if Plan A wasn't made for me, that something better is on its way to me anyway. And it just leaves my body in a state of, well, actually, I'd be more than happy for something better than that, because then that stops me fixating on it. Let me give you a quick personal example. So when I first started building up Cani Crystals, I was obviously manifesting a full-time income from it because I wanted to get out of the NHS. So that was my big Plan A. But I made a conscious decision early on that if it took time, or if I had to juggle it with other things for a while and still work me 40 hours a week NHS job at the same time, or if I had to explore different avenues along the way, I was still going to be alright with that. So I didn't make Plan B mean failure. I made it mean growth, learning, expansion, and a stepping stone to something bigger. And you know what? Because I was no longer clinging to the outcome, things started to flow quicker than I ever expected. So if you're feeling stuck right now, just ask yourself, have I made my happiness dependent on just Plan A? Can I find peace with wherever I'm at right now in my life? Can I trust that even if it looks different than what I wanted, I'm still being guided? Because when you can genuinely answer yes to those questions, that's when you've truly let go. All right, so now you fully get the difference between obsession and surrender. You know how to spot if you're gripping too tightly. You even know how being okay with Plan B helps you to loosen your grip. But you might be sat there thinking, okay, Mart, I love all this, but how do I actually do it? Like, tell me the things that I can physically do to help me let go. So I want to get super practical right now. Here's what you can start doing today just to move yourself into that surrender energy. And I've wrote down, how many have I got here? 8 of my top tips, okay? So number 1, I want you to remember to focus on the feeling, not the outcome. So one of the easiest ways to let go is to shift your focus from the thing that you want to the feeling that you believe that it will give you. So what I mean by this is instead of obsessing over, "I need £5,000. I need £5,000. Where's my £5,000?" you start to focus on, "I want to feel safe, abundant, free, relaxed," and then you start generating those feelings now before the money even arrives. You create little pockets of abundance and energy in your daily life. You know, you might light a candle that you've been saving for a special occasion. You might buy yourself that fancy, I don't know, oat milk Frappuccino. I don't know, I don't go to coffee shops. You might declutter your space so it feels fresh. You might wear your favorite outfit just because you can. There's no special occasion for it. You know, you start to show the Universe, "Look, I already feel abundant. I'm a match for this," and then that thing then becomes the bonus, not the requirement. Step 2 is to stay busy doing what you love. Now, this one is huge. When you're sitting around twiddling your thumbs waiting for your manifestation, it's just so, so easy to fall back into that gripping energy. So instead, fill your time with things that light you up instead. Go for walks, spend time with people that you love, work on your hobbies, learn something new, take care of your health, throw yourself into your passion projects. When you're fully present in your life, you naturally stop obsessing over the timeline of it. So you're not waiting, you're living, and that creates that beautiful flow. Step 3 is to use affirmations that build trust. So instead of constant, you know, "I am rich, I am rich, I am rich," instead of using those type affirmations which can start to feel hollow if you're not there yet, focus on ones that build your sense of trust. So ones that I personally love are: "Everything is always working out for me," "I trust divine timing," "I am safe while I wait," "What's meant for me is already on its way." Now these help soothe your nervous system, and they also create that beautiful, calm, peaceful surrender energy as well. Step 4 is to do your alignment work and then detach. So by all means, do your visualizations, your journaling, your scripting, your meditations. They are all powerful. But set a little rule for yourself. So once you've done your alignment work for the day, that's it. You don't need to keep repeating it 10 times a day like a spell that you're trying to cast. You've placed your order with the universe. Now just go and live your life and trust that it's processing, okay? Step 5 is to limit the constant checking. So let's be real, sometimes we torture ourselves with that constant checking. You know, I'm always, "Has anyone bought anything off my website? Has he texted me back yet? Did the job recruiter email?" So I just want you to set little boundaries for yourself. For example, only check your bank account once a week. Only check your website analytics once a day, if that. Give yourself some tech-free evenings. You know, the less that you keep poking the universe for updates, the more you stay in surrender energy. I think I even said to Angela in my membership, it's like planting some seeds in a plant pot in your garden. You wouldn't dig up those seeds like every hour of the day just looking to see if they've started sprouting roots yet, would you? You'd just have faith that it would start to grow. Number 6 is gratitude. You know, if in doubt, gratitude will always pull you back into alignment. Every morning or evening, just write down 3 things that you're grateful for right now. Even if your manifestation hasn't arrived yet, there's always something to appreciate, whether it be your health, your home, your friends, the lessons that you've learned that day, the person that you're becoming. Gratitude shows the Universe that you're already in receiving mode, and it just amplifies your magnetic energy massively. Step 7 is to trust that the Universe knows better than you sometimes. So this is the ultimate surrender tip.. At some point you've got to say, "I trust that what's for me will find me, and it might even look better than I ever imagined." Sometimes the delay is because you're being protected. Sometimes it's because you're being prepared. Sometimes it's because there's something bigger coming that you can't even see yet. So just hand it over, release the grip, just let the universe surprise you instead. And then last but not least, um, tip number 8 is nervous system regulation. I did an episode about this maybe 2 months ago, I think. It was. This is your underrated secret weapon. Let's not pretend, you know, waiting can feel uncomfortable sometimes. So your job while you're waiting is to just keep your nervous system calm. Simple things like breathwork, meditation, EFT tapping, gentle movement, nature walks, sleep, hydration, rest. When your body feels safe, your mind naturally lets go. A regulated nervous system equals surrendered energy. Honestly, this is where your manifestations pick up some serious speed here, because surrender isn't about forgetting your desire. It's about detaching from needing it to arrive in order for you to feel okay. And once you make that shift, the universe has room to work, and that's when things start to move. So let's take a quick moment to just pull everything together, because we've covered a lot there. Okay, so we've cleared up that whole messy bit about letting go Hopefully now you can see that letting go doesn't mean forgetting about your desire. It doesn't mean pretending that you don't want it anymore, and it definitely does not mean sitting there doing nothing, hoping the universe just happens to remember that you exist. Instead, letting go is about releasing your grip. It's about shifting from control to trust, from fear to certainty, from "when is it coming?" to 'I know it's on its way and I'm good either way.' Yeah, you can still want your desire, you can still get excited about it, but you don't need it to arrive tomorrow in order for you to feel safe, happy, and worthy right now. And that's when the universe says, 'Look at them, fully trusting, fully living the best lives, not panicking every 5 minutes. Let's give them what they've been asking for.' So if you take one thing from this episode, just let it be that your job is not to force your manifestation. Your job is simply to align your energy, do your part, and release the rest. Because the more you trust, the more you receive. Okay, and as always, I'd love to hear your biggest takeaway from today's episode. If you're listening to this podcast on Spotify, you can now even comment underneath the episode as well. Just let me know what resonated, or even better, share this episode on your stories tag me on your socials. I am @KanniCrystals on all social media sites. You know I love seeing where you're all listening in from. And if you haven't yet, don't forget to hit that follow or subscribe button as well, wherever you're listening to this from. Leave me a little review if you're feeling generous. It honestly helps so, so much to keep the podcast growing and reaching more people that need to hear these little nuggets of wisdom, right? Anyway, I'm sending you all lots of love as always. Always, and I will catch you all next Friday for another episode. Speak soon, guys.

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