193: Feel the fear... and do it anyway!

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Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Canny Crystals the podcast. I hope that you're all good, it's really nice to have you back with us again. Um, I just wanted to quickly share a story before we dive into today's episode that kind of loops back into what this episode is going to be about anyway. So a couple of weeks ago when I was sorting out everything for Manifest, uh, I realized that we had, you know, so much stuff to take to the venue that we were going to have to hire a van. And I went online and the first company that came up was Enterprise. Some of you might have heard of Enterprise before. We've used them before ourselves. When we moved house in 2019, we got quoted something stupid like, I think it was like £1,200 for a furniture removal company. And me just being me, being on the tight budget that I was, I just went, "Nah, you can hire a van for £50 a day. Let's just do that and do it ourselves." and so we just did like 3 or 4 trips, job was a good'un. So I thought, yeah, respectable company, let's use them for Manifest. Never again. Never again will I ever use Enterprise. So I booked the Van Collection. Bearing in mind, right, this is £50 a day. I would only need it for one day for the event, and my office is less than a mile from the venue that we had the event at. But they weren't open early on the morning of the event, they didn't open till 9 o'clock. They weren't open on the Sunday, and then they also weren't open after 4 PM on the Monday, on the day of the event. So instead of hiring for one day, I had to pay £200 to hire it between Saturday and Tuesday. So I turned up on the Saturday lunchtime, I paid the £200, signed all the paperwork, and the guy showing me out of the van said something like, "As you can see, in perfect condition." And something just told me intuitively to go around and check it. So I spotted a huge crack in the bottom of the windscreen first and foremost, and then I pointed out that there were a few scratches as well around one of the wheel arches, both of which the salesman just didn't even notice himself. First red flag. I then asked to see the inside of the rear of the van so that I could just make sure there was going to be enough space in the back for us, and he opened up one of the doors, but then he struggled to open the other door, but I didn't really think much of that at the time, but I'll come back to it. He looked like he was kinda struggling to find a handle for it, he was just like searching up and down with his hands, couldn't open the door. So anyway, they asked me for another £200 for a refundable deposit before driving away, which was apparently normal even though I couldn't find any information about it on me booking agreement, and so I thought I was done until the sales guy took me over to the corner of the car park and pointed out a smashed up van. He told us, right, that he would seriously advise me to take out their insurance at an additional £40 per day because that van had just come back this morning all smashed up. So when I questioned this with him, he said if I had an accident in the van or anything was damaged, I would immediately be charged £2,500 whether I was at fault or not. Honestly, I was stood there in the middle of this car park thinking, hang on, what should have been £50 for one day's hire has now already gone over £400, and now they want an additional £160 from us as well. Do you know when you feel like you're about to be set up? It really felt like that. So I refused the insurance. He asked us again. I refused it again. He said he was urging me to take it. I refused again. He kept asking me why I was refusing it, and I kept on saying to him, like, look, I'm going to me office, which is 1 mile away, then I'm going 1 mile to the event and then back again. I'm going to be doing 4 miles in total. I wasn't driving to London and back, for example. So he then went away into the office and he came back after apparently speaking to his manager, and again he kept on urging me to take this insurance. He asked me 6 times in total. 6 times! Honestly, me anxiety was through the roof by this point because he kept pointing at this smashed up van almost like it was just stood there as a scare tactic. Spoiler alert, I've walked me dog past that car park 3 times since hiring the van and that smashed up van is still there, so I'm guessing it was just to intimidate us, which totally isn't cool. But anyway, to cut a long story short, I eventually got the van, I took it to me office, and I parked right outside the door of me work just to make it easier for me and me friend Nikki to load it. I got out, I opened the rear door, she was looking all over for the door handle as well for the other side, and I got inside and we just couldn't even see this door handle, so we just cracked on anyway with one door. So fast forward a couple of days, it's now the day after Manifest. I took the van back, a different salesperson came out this time, and she looked around the van and she pointed out that there was a massive crack in the windscreen, which apparently wasn't noted before, despite me telling her it was because I was the one that pointed it out. And then she also pointed out there were scuffs around the wheel arch again, which I pointed out. And so I'd asked to see her manager, who said that they would check over their CCTV just to see if they were already there and they'd be in touch. Honestly, I was raging at this point. Anyway, 2 days later, I get an email from them. Lo and behold, they say that they're charging me £2,500 because I've broken the rear door handle. How can I break something that wasn't even there? So I could have just sat there, paralyzed by the fear of that email, because to be fair, it was really intimidating. But I thought, nah, I'm not having this, because when that email came through like demanding £2,500 for a door handle that literally didn't exist. I could have crumbled. I could have sat there paralyzed by that fear, just questioning everything, worrying about how I was going to fight it, if I'd need to take them to court, how I was going to prove my side, or even worse, whether they'd somehow win. Because let's be real, when you get an official-looking email like that full of legal-sounding jargon, numbers with multiple zeros, your body goes into panic mode. So my chest was really tight, I got that hot flush of anxiety. I was due to go to, um, the gym that same morning. I cancelled my gym session. Honestly, every worst-case scenario started running through my mind. But instead of freezing, instead of letting the fear take over, I just reminded myself, I've handled lots bigger things than this. I've run an entire event with hundreds of people, I've juggled speaker schedules, managed exhibitor chaos, dealt with tech hiccups, all while smiling and keeping that vibe high. I can do hard things, so this was just another one of those things. So I took a little walk along to the kitchen area in my office, I got myself a glass of water, I came back into my office, and I just sat there. I took a deep breath, I channeled my inner Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, and I typed out the sassiest, most assertive email of my entire life. I detailed every conversation, every flaw that I'd pointed out, every refusal I made to be bullied into these extra costs. I even included screenshots, timestamps, and I even offered to pull me own CCTV from my office building because I was not about to be intimidated by this huge company. And you know what? That one decision to push through the fear, to use my voice, to back myself, it just reminded me of exactly what I wanted this episode to be about, which is feeling the fear and then just doing it anyway. And guess what? They've since retracted the claim. So a huge middle finger to you, Enterprise. I won. Because fear doesn't just show up in those big obvious moments like stepping on stage or quitting your job. It shows up in the everyday stuff as well. In standing up for you, in standing up for yourself, in having those difficult conversations, in not letting someone take full advantage of you. So it tends to show up when you're about to make a leap forward, when something feels important to you, or when that outcome is uncertain as well. So if I'd let the fear win in that moment, I'd be £2,500 down. I'd be still kicking myself for not speaking up. But I didn't. I felt the fear. I heard it. I let it be there, and then I responded with action. And that's what we're talking about today— how we can move through fear, not around it. How we can take the leap with shaky hands, pounding hearts, and that voice in our head that's probably saying like, what if this goes wrong? And we still do it anyway. So whether your fear is about money or judgment or failure, success, visibility, or just even doing something new, you are not alone. I've been there. Pretty much everyone listening to this episode will have been there at some point, okay? And in this episode, I want to take you behind the scenes of what feeling the fear really looked like for me during Manifest, because I just think if I can do this, you absolutely can as well. I'm not some like spiritual zen guru or anything like that, you know what I mean? I'm just like you. So I want to talk about the first thing when it comes to feeling the fear, which for me is always the big IS— imposter syndrome. It's that inner gremlin. It pops up the second you start dreaming bigger than your current reality, and it whispers little things in your head like, "Who do you think you are?" or "They're going to find out that you have no clue what you're doing." So let me tell you, right, while planning manifest I didn't just have imposter syndrome, I had the deluxe imposter experience. Honestly, it was complete with mental fireworks. My chest was tightening, panic. I was constantly Googling things like how to cancel a large-scale event without looking like a flake. From the outside, everything looked like it was going swimmingly. I had the venue, I had incredible speakers, I had sold tickets. People were actually excited about this event. But inside I was honestly spiraling. I was doom-scrolling my own thoughts at 3 AM, spiraling. Like, my brain was running full-on commentary, like, you're not Tony Robbins, Mart. What if no one turns up? What if everyone does turn up and they all hate it and they start throwing tomatoes at you or something? You don't even know how microphones work. You don't even know how the projector's going to work. But here's the thing, right? Imposter syndrome doesn't show up when you're playing small. It doesn't care when you're doing the same safe thing on repeat. It only shows up when you stretch yourself, when you start to evolve, when you step up and say, "Actually, I think I can do this thing that I've never done before." So imposter syndrome is just your brain trying to protect you from embarrassment, rejection, or failure. And it's not evil, it's just outdated. It's like Windows 95, or, you know, dial-up internet if you're a '90s baby like me. It's trying to run your current upgraded life on ancient programming. So what did I do about it? I acknowledged it. I gave it a seat at the table. I named it. I called it Steve, me best friend's ex-husband who hates us, and I said, "Alright Steve, I know you're here to just keep us safe, but trust us, I've got this." And then I kept on going because you don't need to feel 100% confident to take action. Most people that you admire, like people that I admire, who we thinking of? Beyoncé, for example. Do you think Beyoncé would let fear stop her? Do you think that she would just sit back and think, "Nah, I'm just going to stick to me comfort zone"? People like her, they would start things before they felt ready. They would feel the fear and they would still say yes to the opportunity anyway. And when that voice started creeping in as well, saying, "You're not qualified to run an event like this," I just kept reminding myself, I've spent the last 5 years building a community, I've helped thousands of people with mindset, manifestation, and spirituality. I've put the graft in, and I care deeply about the people that are going to be walking through those doors. And that's enough. Your passion, your effort, your why you're doing that, that's what qualifies you, not a certificate or a checklist or something. So if you've got a big dream sitting on your heart right now and you're thinking, who am I to do this? I want you to flip that around and just ask yourself, Who am I not to do this? Because the only difference between you and someone out there that's doing what you want to do is that they started before they felt ready. They didn't wait for confidence to show up first, they just built it on the way, and so can you. But there is a bit of a plot twist here that nobody warns you about when you're chasing your dreams, and that's sometimes it's not just the fear of failing that holds you back, it's the fear of actually succeeding as well. And I know that sounds weird, but hear us out. Like, you're probably thinking, 'Mart, why on earth would I be scared of me dreams coming true?' In the weeks leading up to Manifest, I had both fears on full volume in me head. It was honestly like a stereo panic mode. On the left channel I had, 'What if nobody turns up? What if the speakers cancel? What if the projector explodes? What if the fire alarm goes off? What if someone tries to sue us because they've tripped over a wire?' But then on the right I had, what if this actually works? What if it's amazing and I have to do this every single year? What if it becomes too successful and then I forget how to make a cup of tea because I'm too busy being interviewed on Lorraine? Seriously, my brain was doing mental gymnastics. But this is what I've realised. Fear of failure and fear of success are just two sides of the same coin. They both stem from the same thing, which is uncertainty. Both of them are your brain trying to avoid change, and both of them can convince you to stay small if you're not careful. So the fear of failure says, "What if I try and it all goes wrong?" Whereas the fear of success says, "What if I try, it all goes right, and I can't handle it?" So during Manifest Planning, I just kept thinking to myself, like, what if this takes off? What if it becomes bigger than me? What if I start and get invited to speak at events and I have to actually go on stage and talk and I freeze and everyone sees me sweating through my t-shirt and I end up like a like a meme on TikTok or something. But guess what? That fear of success is really just fear of responsibility, of kind of visibility as well, and expansion. Because when you succeed, you have to hold it. And holding something powerful, whether it's your dreams, your growth, your light, whatever it is, that can be scary when you've never done it before. But I don't want you to let that fear trick you into sabotage. Don't let it convince you to stay quiet when you were actually born to be seen. Because you can handle success, you just haven't had to yet. So whether you're fearing failure or fearing your own bloody brilliance, just know that both are normal, both are human, both of them just mean that you care. And just like with Manifest, I had to face both of these head-on. I had to say, yeah, it might flop, yeah, it might be incredible, but either way, I'm going to do this anyway. So while we're on this, let's talk about decisions as well. And I don't mean the easy ones like what's for tea, although I've been known to spiral over that as well. I mean like those bold, uncomfortable, this-could-go-amazingly-or-be-a-total-disaster type of decisions. Because running Manifest required me to make what felt like 100 of those every single week. Booking a venue without even having half the tickets sold. Choosing speakers, trusting that they'd show up and deliver the vibe that I was after. Ordering 400 lanyards even though a tiny voice in me head kept saying, "What if only 14 people turn up and it's just you, your mam, and a massive photo wall?" None of those decisions felt safe. None of them came with guarantees, and absolutely none of them were in my comfort zone. Because this is what nobody tells you: the comfort zone isn't comfortable, it's just familiar. And familiar can feel safe even when it's stifling. I think you've just got to get really, really good at backing yourself when there's zero evidence anything will work. You've got to stop crowdsourcing your courage. You have to really let go of the illusion that there's a right decision and just pick the one that feels aligned and then run with it. So for me, that looked like saying yes to opportunities before I'd figured out the how. It meant asking meself, what would the version of me I'm becoming actually do here? And then do that, even if it made me armpits sweat. One of the wildest examples was paying that massive invoice for the videographer. I looked at that number and I physically recoiled. I sat there in sickness and I was like, What are we filming? Avatar 3? Like, don't get us wrong, now that I've seen their work, I've got to know them all, I've seen how many people it took to pull off the recording, the live streaming, editing the videos, and how good they look, I can justify that £7,000 cost. But when that £7,000 invoice came through, I was like, oh my God. But deep down, I knew that the future version of me, the one running a brand that's growing and scaling and attracting these wild opportunities, he wouldn't flinch. He'd see it as an investment. So I chose his decision, not mine. And I think that's the trick to moving forward, because sometimes you have to borrow the bravery of your future self until it becomes your new normal. And this is the most magical bit of it as well, because every time you make one of those out-of-the-comfort-zone decisions, you start to expand. Your confidence catches up, your reality starts shifting to meet your courage. So if you're standing at the edge of something right now wondering if you're about to leap into greatness or straight into chaos, just ask yourself, just pause and ask yourself, does staying where I am feel more uncomfortable than risking it? Does staying where I am feel more uncomfortable than risking it? If the answer is yes, that is your sign, okay? So you've battled the imposter syndrome, you've stared down the Twin Towers of failing and succeeding, you've made all those uncomfortable decisions that had your nervous system questioning its life choices, And then what? You do the scary thing. And this is what nobody talks about. Doing the scary thing doesn't magically make that fear disappear. In fact, you'll probably still be scared while doing it. Sorry, but it's the truth. I wasn't floating around manifesting like some enlightened guru whispering, "I am fearless, I am peaceful, I am zen." Nah, I was sweating me tits off through me t-shirt while checking the running order for the 18th time. Panic refreshing the group chat like, "Has anyone seen the sound guy? I'm ready to go on stage. My mic is muted. What's going on?" But something amazing happened. The second those doors opened, that energy shifted. People walked in absolutely buzzing. Strangers became friends before we'd even started the event. I saw someone front row cry in happy tears before the first speaker had even gone on stage. And in that moment, I realized this scary thing that I'd spent months overthinking, It was never about me. It was about the impact. It was about the room. It was about the people that attended. All that buildup, all that anxiety, all those what-if moments, everything just seemed to melt away because the doing of the thing carries an energy that thinking about it never will. We can think about doing something over and over and over again, but our mind will always go to the worst-case scenarios. We will always panic over it. We will always get anxious over it. But then when you do it, it's not half as bad as what you imagined. You step into the arena, you show up messy, real, slightly shaky, but you're still present. And the universe responds to action, not perfection. There's this quote that I've wrote down, and I wish I could remember who said it because I'd send them a biscuit, and it says, um, fear grows in the absence of action. And honestly, it is so, so true. The more you sit in the fear, the bigger it's gonna get. But when you just go ahead and you do that thing, even if your voice trembles or your Canva presentation accidentally crashes mid-talk, you gain something way more valuable than confidence. You gain proof. Proof that you're capable. Proof that fear doesn't own you. And proof that you can walk through fire and come out the other side glowing. After Manifest, I felt like I'd gone up a level in me own life. Like, not because I'd unlocked a new achievement badge or anything, but because I had evidence that I can handle scary things and that they're often the most rewarding as well. So whatever that scary thing looks like for you right now, maybe it's a difficult conversation, maybe it's starting a business, finally posting that idea that you've had on your social media, this is your nudge. Feel the fear and do it anyway, and then just watch who you become because of it. Because no one really prepares you for when you're trying to do something bold. Your body doesn't care how many mindset quotes you've saved on Instagram. It hears 'new,' it hears 'uncertain,' it hears 'risky,' and it immediately goes straight to, 'Right, sound the alarms, activate sweaty palms, shut down digestion, and while we're at it, let's throw in a bit of shallow breathing and an inability to think clearly. That'll teach him for trying to grow.' Seconds before I was due to go on stage at 9 AM, right? I was just about to go on. I was just about to welcome everyone. I grabbed my microphone in one hand, my presentation clicker in the other, and I gave Johnny a head nod at the back of the venue to turn the music down. Everything went silent. All heads facing forward. Everyone was staring at the stage. I pressed the clicker to move the presentation onto the first slide to welcome myself onto the stage, and nothing happened. I had so much inability to think clearly in that moment because of the fear, I hadn't even realised I'd pulled the clicker USB out the side of me MacBook to plug me charger in instead. It took me about 10 minutes to figure out why it wasn't working, and it was just a wire. Look, the mind is powerful, but the body is where fear lives. You can be saying to yourself, "This is going to be great, I've got this," but your nervous system is backstage like, "Absolutely not, mate." This happened to me a lot in the lead-up to the event as well. There were moments where I'd be in the middle of a FaceTime call with a speaker, I'd be briefing them about lighting or stage cues, and suddenly my heart would start racing like I'd just sprinted up 10 flights of stairs. Or I'd open my inbox and I'd see a small problem email about the event and my whole chest would tighten like I'd been sent a death threat. Fear doesn't always shout, sometimes it just whispers through the body. So I had to get really intentional about regulating me nervous system. Now don't get us wrong, I didn't just suddenly morph into Wim Hof. I wasn't breathing on a mountaintop with me chakras fully aligned like, "Aum." I don't even know if Wim Hof does that, but I did start doing the little things that help bring the fear out of me body instead of letting it simmer away inside. So a few things that helped is one was box breathing. It sounds dull, but it works wonders. You inhale for the count of 4, you hold at the top for the count of 4, you exhale for 4, and then you hold again at the bottom for 4. And you just repeat it until your brain stops screaming. That really, really helped me backstage. Movement is another one. Even just a short walk with me headphones in, stomping out the stress while pretending I was in a dramatic music video, really helped. Cold water on me face that morning as well, it was like a full reset. Not glamorous, but very effective. Plus, I looked wide awake after that, despite the fact I'd been up since 1:30 AM. Speaking it out loud was another thing. So as I was coming down the stairs, I was literally saying, "Okay, I feel a bit overwhelmed right now, but I'm safe and I'm capable. I can do this." That just helped me unhook from that panic spiral as well. Managing fear in the body isn't about pretending it's not there. It's more about giving it somewhere to go, letting it move through you rather than letting it run you. And when you start to regulate your nervous system as well, you gain access to your logic again. You can actually think. You remember, "Oh yeah, I've got these tools. I've done hard things like this before. I'm not about to explode." So if you're chasing a goal right now and you're wondering why your stomach's in knots even though your mind is kind of on board, your nervous system might need a bit of love. Courage isn't just a mindset, it's a full-body experience. The more we learn to calm that chaos inside our bodies, the easier it becomes to show up for the dreams that feel just a little terrifying. So here we are right now, post-event anyway. The van's been returned, the lanyards have all been packed away, and Manifest is officially in the history books. And honestly, I've had a bit of time to reflect on what this whole journey actually taught us. Not just about events or logistics or how to not rent a van, shall I say, but about courage. Because here's what nobody tells you about courage: it doesn't feel courageous when you're actually in the moment doing it. It usually feels like, oh my God, I'm going to be sick. Why have I chose to do this? Is it too late to run away and just become a goat farmer in Portugal? But on the other side, that's where you meet yourself. You know, Planning and Running Manifest taught us so much about courage, mostly that it's not loud or dramatic. It's not standing on top of a mountaintop shouting affirmations out to the world. It's just a quiet decision that you make over and over again to keep on showing up. You know when we talked about baby steps? You know, just making those tiny little changes and showing up day after day, especially when it's uncomfortable. You'll still get to your goal. You're not going to jump straight from A to Z. You're going to go through every letter of the alphabet, but slow and steady wins the race. So it could look like sending the email even though your hands are sweating and shaking. It could be like following up with a speaker when they've ghosted you for a week. It could be walking onto that stage when your inner voice is still whispering, "Oh my God, don't trip over that cable, you're going to end up on TikTok." It could be trusting yourself enough to go first even when you're not sure anyone else is going to follow. But the biggest lesson of all that I learned from all this is that you don't build confidence by thinking. You build it by actually doing it and taking action. You don't have to wait until you feel brave. You take the step while you're scared, and you become brave by doing it anyway. Cos the truth is, I didn't feel ready for Manifest, but I just did it anyway. I didn't feel 100% confident in every decision I made for that event, but I made them anyway. And most of all, I definitely didn't feel fearless. I spent most of the day just sat in a toilet cubicle because I was panicking so much about what could go wrong. But I chose to move through the fear instead of letting it park itself permanently in my brain. And now I've got evidence. Evidence that I can do big brave things. Evidence that fear won't define me and it doesn't define me. And evidence that I'm way more capable than I give myself credit for. So if you take anything from this episode, let it be something along the lines of, you know, courage isn't a personality trait, it's just a practice. You're never going to feel ready, so just do it anyway. You're never going to eliminate fear from your body. You're never going to grow without stretching, but do it anyway. Because on the other side of fear is everything that you've been calling in. And trust me when I say this, right? If I can do it— dodgy van, cracked windscreen, invisible door handle and all— so can you. And sorry for the second episode in a row for talking about manifest, but This was a huge deal for me, probably the biggest thing that I've ever had to pull off in my life, and I'm celebrating my huge win by soundboarding to you all right now about this because I did a post about this on Instagram the other night, and the more I reflected on it, I was like, right, what did I learn from running Manifest? And I sat down with my journal, I think it was Tuesday or Wednesday night, and I wrote down all these pointers, and I was like, shit, I learned loads. But because I wasn't present in the moment I've only learned it on reflection. And honestly, I had such an incredible response as well to the waiting list for 2026 tickets. We've had over 400 people sign up already, which is absolutely wild to me. I've been to see lots of new venues this week, I think 6 or 7 in total. Jesus Christ. And I think I'm pretty settled on one. It's like a country house right in the middle of the city centre. How I'd never even thought about it before is beyond me. And guess what? Next year we're also going to do Manifest over 2 days. Yes, Manifest is now a 2-day festival. What am I doing to myself? I'm feeling the fear and I'm doing it anyway. I listened to all of your feedback saying how it was an incredible day but really jam-packed, and so I put out the feelers earlier this week on Instagram. We had over 300 people vote to say that they wanted it to be over a weekend rather than just one day. In fact, I think there was only one person that said that they hated the idea. So, it'll mean lots more exhibitors, lots more speakers, lots more workshops, and because we've got it for the whole weekend, it now means that we can also stay there up until 11 PM on the Saturday night because they've got a fully licensed bar. So, I'm also going to be looking at nighttime entertainment as well. How incredible is that? There's also an outdoor space which I'm still thinking about what we can do in that space or what form of entertainment we can have out there, but Honestly, Manifest 2026, it's going to blow your tits off. If you're not already signed up to the waiting list, head on over to www.mani-fest.uk and just pop your email address in. We'll be announcing early bird tickets very, very soon. If you'd like to be an exhibitor or hold a workshop, by all means get on that waitlist as well because we'll be opening the applications for those very soon as well. And just to put your minds at rest as well, if you're one of the 125 people that got the presale tickets, please don't worry, please don't panic. Your ticket is now valid for the entire weekend. So you can either come on this Sunday as you were going to anyway, or you can come for the Saturday as well, free of charge. The choice is yours. I can't wait to see you all there already. I'm honestly wishing these next 12 months away. It's my little baby now. I love this event. If you've enjoyed this episode, please feel free to leave me a comment if you're listening on Spotify or a written review if you're listening elsewhere. I really, really would appreciate it. I hope that you took a little something from this episode, and I just want you to remember, if you want to do something in life, feel the fear and go and do it anyway. And that's me telling you to do that, right? Feel the fear, go do it anyway. Okay guys, I'll see you all next Friday. Speak soon, bye!

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