200: From rock bottom to rising up

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Hello everyone, good morning, good afternoon, good evening, wherever you're listening to this from. This is episode number 200 of Canny Crystals the podcast. What an achievement, even if I do say so myself. You've got to celebrate yourself sometimes, don't you? Because nobody else will. Anyway, thank you all for being here. I hope that you're having an amazing week so far. This week I wanted to talk about something that on paper might sound a bit doom and gloom, but stick with us because as usual, you know, this is going to be one of the most transformational stages in life that you can ever hit. So I'm talking about those moments where life kind of hands you the kind of plot twist that you did not order. So it's the job that you thought was secure, but then it suddenly disappears. Or the relationship that you were certain was solid, it turns out to have been built on quicksand. Or maybe something that you've been working towards for years, it just kind of fizzles out and you're left thinking, well, now what? Where do I go from here? So it's uncomfortable, it's confronting, and it's the part of the journey that most people try to rush through or maybe even pretend that it isn't actually happening. But here's the thing, this is where some of the best work happens. So in today's episode, I'm going to share how you can use those 'this isn't how it was meant to go' moments as fuel to completely transform where you're headed next in life. So I want you to think of this episode as the rebuild after the storm, with a much better floor plan this time. Okay, so let's talk about rock bottom, what it actually means. Now, before you imagine some dramatic Hollywood scene of someone lying in a dark alley in the rain, mascara running down their face, let us just quickly say Rock bottom, it doesn't always look like that. Sometimes it's way less cinematic and way more mundane. It's kind of the Tuesday morning when you're sat in your dressing gown at 11 AM staring at a cold cup of tea wondering how the hell life got here. Or it might even be that moment that you open the fridge and there's nothing in there except half a jar of pickles and an expired yoghurt. I did that exact thing this morning. And maybe you're too tired to even be shocked, you know. Maybe it's more emotional. Maybe it's the slow realization that you've been going through the motions for months, maybe even years, and you can't actually remember the last time that you felt excited about anything. Rock bottom is personal to you, so your version might be losing a job, ending a relationship, getting into debt, or maybe just feeling completely numb inside, whereas someone else might look at your situation and think, "Ah, that's not so bad, I've been in worse." But that's irrelevant. This isn't a competition for who's struggling the most in life, yeah? It's more about recognizing when you have reached that personal threshold. So, when life has backed you into such a tight corner that you can either curl up and stay there forever, or you can decide to crawl, climb, or bloody well leap yourself out of it.

Okay?

So, the tricky part is that rock bottom, it often hides behind denial. So, we'll tell ourselves, "It's fine. I'm just going through a phase." Or we might even say something like, things will sort themselves out eventually. And sure, sometimes they do, but more often than not, things sort themselves out because you decide to sort them out. And this is the uncomfortable truth. You can't start that process until you actually admit that you're at rock bottom. So, I've been there a million times before. I know what it's like for me personally. I've seen friends at rock bottom. You know, how do you know that you're there yourself? Well, I like to think of it as the point where the pain of staying the same becomes bigger than the fear of changing. So when the thought of carrying on exactly as things are feels unbearable, that is a sign that you've reached your limit. That's your red flashing flag saying, "Life sat nav recalculating route." That is that moment. Okay? And here's the thing, rock bottom isn't just some terrible soul-crushing place either. It's also a reset button. And I know that sounds like a bit of a motivational quote that you'd maybe see on Instagram with a sunset background, but hear us out here, because when you've hit the lowest point in your life, you're in a strange kind of power position. You've got nothing left to lose. You know that song? The only way is up, baby. The only way from here is up. Okay, so you stop clinging to the things that aren't working because you literally can't afford to. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, and you'll start to question everything. Like, do I actually want this career? Do I even like these people that I hang around with? Why am I living in a house that makes us miserable? The beauty of rock bottom is that you can rebuild from scratch without all that old baggage holding you down. So instead of thinking of it as the end of the road, think of it as a very weird and a bit unglamorous but powerful starting line. You're not behind, you're not broken, you're just at the point where you get to reinvent everything, and that is where the magic starts. So, here's the thing that most people don't realize when they're actually at their lowest point: you've actually been handed that opportunity that most people never take. And I know that this might sound like really, really cheesy, but it's true. There's something about being stripped back to the bare bones of your life that's weirdly liberating. You know, when everything is being shaken up, you don't have the same level of attachment to things that you thought that you needed. So that job that made you miserable, you start to see that you can live without it. That social circle that drains your energy daily, you realize that you're actually fine spending your Friday night in with a pizza in your own company instead. You suddenly get clarity, not because you sat down and tried to plan your life out in a pretty notebook, but because life has just ripped all those distractions away for you. So it's like when you move house and you're faced with, you know, boxes and boxes of random stuff that you've just been keeping "just in case," in inverted commas. So rock bottom is the life equivalent of finally going, "Do I even want half this crap? Or can I stick it on Vinted?" And the answer is no, you don't need any of that. You can start letting things go, whether it be beliefs, routines, even entire versions of yourself, because you've seen firsthand that they are not helping you. And when you've lost things, you also stop being so scared of losing them. Okay, so what I mean by that is that's when you start taking risks that you would never have taken before. The fear of change starts to shrink because you've already survived something that's tough. And then you realize that you're stronger than you thought, and that confidence starts to seep into every area of your life. So having a mental breakdown— well, not even a mental breakdown, you know, just rock bottom— Finding yourself at rock bottom, it's not actually a bad thing. I mean, don't get us wrong, the lowest point is uncomfortable and probably heartbreaking some of the times, and occasionally it makes you question everything, but it also creates space, you know, space to ask, "If I could rebuild from here with anything in life, what would I choose?" Now, most people never pause to ask themselves that question until life actually physically forces them to do it. But when you do, you start building from a place that is intentional, not just like habit. And the gift in the low point isn't just the chance to start over, it's the chance to start over better. So one of the biggest challenges when you're climbing out of that low point is managing your energy. And I'm not just talking about physical energy, I mean your overall vibe, your frequency that you're on, the energy that you're putting out into the world without even realizing it. Because desperation has a bit of a smell, and the universe can smell it a mile off. I'm not meaning that like a B.O. smell or anything, it just, it can sense it, okay? So if you've ever gone on a date with someone who's clearly decided that you're the one before you've even finished your drink, you'll know exactly what I mean by this. That energy, it almost feels suffocating. It is clingy, it is panicky, and instead of drawing you closer, it makes you want to bolt out the door. Well, the universe is no different. So if you're sat there clutching your manifestation, repeating something like, "Please, please, please let this happen for me," that is desperate energy. Desperate energy repels. The shift we're aiming for here is from that "please fix my life" to "I'm building my life." That's determination. It's confidence. It's the kind of energy where you're still open to miracles, but you're not sitting around waiting for them like a delivery that's gone missing in the post. You're out there taking those actionable steps, whether it be small ones, big ones, messy ones. That shows the universe that you're serious. Now, I'm not saying that you have to wake up tomorrow morning and be all guns blazing, "I'm unstoppable!" I can't stop singing today, I'm sorry. Determination doesn't have to be loud. In fact, some of the most determined people that I've met in life, they don't shout about it at all. It's in their quiet consistency. They show up for themselves even on days that they can't be bothered to do so. They make tiny improvements even when nobody's watching them. That is determination. And here's something else that's important as well. Desperation often comes from fear. It's either a fear that you won't get what you want, or fear that you're running out of time, or maybe it's a fear that you're not good enough, that kind of thing. Determination comes from a very different place. It's rooted in belief. So even if you can't fully believe that you're going to get the exact thing that you're asking for yet, you can believe in your ability to keep on moving forward. So how do you start making that shift? Well, think about how you show up in your day. Are you sitting in waiting mode? Are you checking your phone every 5 minutes for a sign? Or are you creating that momentum in your life? Determination can be as simple as committing to one small thing every day that moves you closer to the life that you want. Even if it's something as tiny as sending an email, tidying, I don't know, your kitchen drawers out, drinking some water instead of scrolling TikTok for an hour. The magic is that when you start acting determined, even before you feel it, your energy changes inside you. And when your energy changes, what you attract then changes. You go from, "Please throw me a lifeline," to, "You're okay, I've got this, Universe. But, you know, if you want to send me an upgrade while you're at it, I'm open to it.", and that is where the good stuff starts to roll in. Okay, so let me talk about one of the sneakiest reasons that people stay stuck, which is clinging to old identities and stories. And I've talked about this before in the past in terms of, you know, money memories and things like that, and how that keeps us playing small in terms of money mindset. But before you say to me, you know, no, I don't do that, hear me out, because most of us do it without even realizing. Even I catch myself on a day-to-day basis clinging to old identities and stories. It's just something that we all do. So what I mean by identity is that it's basically the role that you've assigned yourself in your own life. So it's the version of you that you've been carrying around for years, and it's built on your past experiences, the things that people have said to you, the way that you've learned to see yourself. And the story is the script that goes alongside it. So it's that constant narration that you tell yourself about who you are, what you can do, and what's possible for you. Now, here's the catch: when those identities and stories are based on your lowest points, they can become the very thing holding you there. So if you've been through a breakup, you might start telling yourself, "Oh, I'm just no good at relationships." If you've had money issues and money struggles, you might quietly believe, "I'm just not the type of person who's good with money." And before you know it, that identity starts to become part of your personality, so you stop challenging it because it feels familiar. But familiarity is not the same as truth. And here's where it gets tricky, because sometimes we even wear those old identities like a badge of honor. You might be sat there thinking, "I've always been the strong one who gets through anything." Sounds nice, right? But it can also trap you in a cycle of constantly having to prove your strength by surviving hardship. So it's the same with identities like "the reliable one" or "the fixer." or even the unlucky one. They might have served a purpose once over, but if they don't align with where you're going, they need to get in the bin. Okay, it's like still wearing a coat from 10 winters ago that doesn't fit you anymore. You're keeping it because you think that you should, but all it's doing, it's weighing you down and making you sweat. So how do you release those old identities? Well, firstly, you've got to notice them. You've got to pay attention to the way that you talk about yourself. Do you start sentences with, "I've always been the kind of person who XYZ," or, "I'm just not the sort of person who XYZ"? Those are red flags. Those are massive red flags. And then second, ask yourself, is this identity helping me or is it holding me back? If it's keeping you safe but small, it's time to rewrite it. For example, instead of saying, "I'm bad with money," say, "I'm learning how to manage money in ways that support my goals." See how we just flipped it round? Instead of saying, "I'm unlucky in love," just try something like, "I'm attracting relationships that match the best version of me." And then thirdly, and this is the part that most people skip, you've got to embody that new identity before it feels comfortable. So that means making decisions and taking actions from the perspective of your new story. Not the old one. So if your new identity is, "I'm someone who prioritizes their well-being." For me, I was doing that this year. My motto for this year is "Health is wealth." Yeah, I've started saying no to things that drain me, even if the old me would have said yes. Yeah, do you see where I'm going with this? This isn't about pretending to be someone that you're not. It's about becoming more of who you actually are without all the limiting beliefs and outdated labels that have been stuck onto you. And yes, like I said, it can feel uncomfortable at first because that old identity will try to pull you back there. But when you let go of the story that's been holding you down, you immediately create space for a completely new chapter. And that's when life starts showing up differently, because you're not the person you were when you hit rock bottom. So stop telling your story as if you are, because when you're pulling yourself up from a low point, you need something that keeps you anchored as well, no matter what kind of day you're having. So you need kind of a non-negotiable mindset routine. So this is the mental equivalent of brushing your teeth. You don't debate whether you're going to do it. You just do it because the alternative is, well, it's kind of not attractive. Now, the important word here is non-negotiable. So most people treat their mindset work like they treat that one fitness DVD that they bought back in 2003. It was a burst of enthusiasm for a week, and then it was quietly abandoned in a drawer under the bed, and it's never been seen since. That's not going to cut it. If you want lasting change, this routine has to be something that you commit to whether you're feeling motivated to or not. And before you roll your eyes thinking I'm about to give you a 4 AM, 2-hour morning ritual that involves chanting on a Himalayan mountaintop, relax, okay? I'm talking about things that you can actually stick to in the real world. Powerful habits that pack a punch without requiring a personality transplant. So here's what I mean. Let's say your routine is 3 minutes of gratitude. You know, list 3 specific things that you're grateful for. Then you could jump into 1 or 2 affirmations that you actually believe, not random ones that make you cringe. Then you could quickly hop into 5 minutes of intentional breathing or visualization before you dive into your day. That's it. 10 minutes. 10 minutes. No drama, no faffing. And this is the trick: you can stack these habits onto something that you already do, so then they become part of your day automatically. Gratitude while you sip your morning coffee. Affirmations while you brush your teeth. Breathing while you wait for the kettle to boil. Do not underestimate how powerful these tiny consistent moments can be. A lot of people think that mindset work has to be this huge life-consuming project for it to actually work. No, it doesn't. It's like compound interest. You know, those small daily deposits, they build up and suddenly, without even realizing it, you're reacting differently, you're thinking differently, and you're showing up differently. Another thing as well, make it enjoyable. If your routine feels like a bit of a chore, you'll drop it faster than a dodgy Tinder date. Light a candle that you love, play a song that gets you in the zone, use a crystal that feels good in your hand. Turn it into something that you look forward to rather than a box that you're ticking. And this is the real power as well, because when you have this routine locked in, it becomes your baseline. So if you're having a bad day, you still do it. If you're having a busy day, you still do it. If you're feeling amazing, you obviously still do it. That way you're not relying on motivation, you're relying on a system. Because motivation is quite fickle. Systems are reliable. Your non-negotiable mindset routine is the scaffolding, basically, that you build your comeback on. And when everything else in life feels like it's shifting, just having that little daily anchor that can be the difference between spiraling and steadily moving forward. So if you haven't already got one, just start simple. Just pick 2 or 3 practices that you can genuinely see yourself doing every single day. Like I say, it could be affirmations in the shower. It could be doing a verbal gratitude list on the way to work. Do them without overthinking. Watch how over time that rock bottom energy starts turning into watch me rise energy. Okay, so let's get to some action now, because I get it, when you're in a low place, the thought of taking action can feel about as appealing as assembling flatpack furniture from IKEA in the dark with a hangover. But without action, all the mindset work, all the vision boards, all the affirmations in the world, they're just basically fancy Pinterest boards, aren't they? Now, I want to be really clear here. Because I'm not talking about hustling yourself into burnout or forcing yourself to take 50 giant leaps at once. This is not about suddenly turning into that person on Instagram who seems to run 5 businesses, raise 4 children, have a six-pack, and still find the time to make homemade sourdough bread. No, when you are climbing out of rock bottom, the most powerful thing that you can do is just to start with micro actions. So think of it like moving a, a huge couch. You don't try to drag the whole thing across the room in one go, do you? You nudge it a bit, you adjust it, you nudge it a bit again, you know, and it carries on moving across the room. Those small shifts add up until suddenly the couch is where you wanted it. The same applies here. An inspired aligned action is just something that both moves you forward and feels right in your gut. Okay, not just any random busy work to make yourself feel productive. But something that actually lines up with the life that you're trying to create. So it could be sending that email that you've been putting off. It could be signing up for a free workshop. It could be clearing out your workspace, applying for a job, reaching out to someone that you fancy, or even booking a therapy session. Okay, often the very first inspired action that you need to take is the one that you've been avoiding the most. And you know exactly what I'm talking about here. It's the task that sits in the back of your mind like a passive-aggressive Post-it note. It's the one that you keep on moving on to tomorrow's to-do list. That's usually the one that once you do it, it creates the biggest shift in your energy. And this is so important. Don't wait until you feel ready. If you wait for that perfect moment when your confidence is sky high and you have every duck neatly in a row, you'll still be waiting this time next year. Action creates clarity, not the other way around. You figure out what works and what doesn't by actually taking action and doing something. And I also wanna stress, inspired action isn't always glamorous. Sometimes it's making a phone call to sort out a bill that's been stressing you out. Sometimes it might be deleting the phone number of someone who keeps dragging you back. It could be walking around the block just to clear your head. These little choices matter because they are telling the universe, "I am serious about moving forward." And when you consistently take these steps, You then start to build momentum. And momentum is like a snowball, so it might start small and slow, but once it's rolling, it gets bigger and faster without you having to push as hard. And that's when opportunities start appearing seemingly out of nowhere. But spoiler, they're not out of nowhere. They're a direct response to you showing up for yourself. So here's your challenge. Just pick one action today, even if it's tiny, something that moves you closer to your vision. And just do it before you talk yourself out of it. And then tomorrow, do another. Before you know it, you'll look back and you'll realize that you've not just crawled out of rock bottom, you've actually built a staircase and you're taking those steps day by day. Because when you're at a low point, the people around you can either be the wind beneath your wings or the cement boots that are dragging you back down. And the wild thing is, sometimes you don't even notice which they are until you start trying to climb out of that pit. So, we've all heard the saying, haven't we? You're the average of the 5 people that you spend the most time with. Now, whether or not that's mathematically correct, the point is your environment matters. So, if the people around you are constantly negative or gossiping or stuck in their own cycles of self-sabotage, that energy is going to rub off on you. Not because you're weak or you're easily influenced, but because you're human. Sit in a smoky room long enough, you'll smell like smoke. Yeah, so when you're in rebuild mode, you need to be intentional about your support system. And no, this doesn't mean you have to do a dramatic, "You're toxic, I'm cutting you out of my life." You don't need to do any of that announcement on Facebook, okay? It can be as simple as choosing just to spend more time with people who uplift you and a little less with the ones who leave you feeling like you've been emotionally pickpocketed. Now, sometimes your best support system isn't even your immediate circle. So, it might be an online community. It might be a mentor. It could be a coach. It could be an online friend. It could just be someone who reminds you of your worth. It could even just be someone that you follow on social media whose content genuinely inspired you. The point is, surround yourself, whether that be physically or virtually, with people who reflect back the version of you that you're becoming, not the version that you're leaving behind. Okay, this also means having boundaries as well, because not everyone will clap for your comeback. I've had it myself before, you know. Some people liked you better when you were in the mud with them. They might not say it out loud, but you'll feel it in the little digs or the lack of enthusiasm. Yeah, that's your cue to protect your energy. So here's a fun way to check your current support system. After spending time with someone, just ask yourself, do I feel lighter, heavier, or the same? Now, just this morning I was recording an episode of Connie Crystals, the podcast that's coming out in a couple of weeks' time, with Francesca Amber. And I even said to her at the end, I was like, do you know, I feel so much lighter for having this conversation with you. If it's lighter, that's someone that's worth keeping close to you. If it's heavier, More often than not, you know what to do. And on the flip side, be that support for someone else as well. Uplift them, encourage them, celebrate their wins. The energy that you put out, it comes back. And building your network of mutual cheerleaders makes the whole process so much easier. Even the most independent, self-sufficient people, they thrive when they have backup. Yeah, Beyoncé has a team, athletes have coaches, superheroes have sidekicks. You're not meant to do this alone, and honestly, it's a lot more fun when you don't either. Okay, so let's move on now and talk about one of the biggest mistakes that people make when they are rebuilding their life. And for me, it's thinking that they'll only celebrate when they hit the big goal. So the dream job, the big house, the perfect partner, six figures in the bank account, whatever your version of that summit of the mountain is, it becomes the sole focus and everything in between is just filler. But here's the problem with that. If you wait until you're at the very top to celebrate, you're going to spend 99% of your journey feeling like you're not there yet, and that is exhausting. You're going to end up treating your life like one long to-do list where you're only allowed to be proud of yourself if you tick off the biggest box at the very end. And spoiler alert, most of the time that biggest box will never ever come because you're not celebrating all the little tiny steps that get you there. The climb is where the magic happens. The climb is where you find your footing. It's where you build your resilience. It's where you meet people who matter. And you'll surprise yourself with what you're actually capable of as well. It's where you get those little wins that no one else sees, but they mean everything to you. Like finally having the courage to send that email that you've been putting off for weeks, or getting through a day without spiraling into old habits, or simply waking up and choosing to try again. Those moments deserve celebration. I'm not saying you have to throw a party every time you do the washing up. Jesus Christ, I'll be having parties every day. But you should take a second just to acknowledge yourself. That could mean saying out loud, "I'm proud of myself for that." It could mean ticking something off your list with a little smile. It could mean treating yourself to a fancy coffee or an extra-long bath. Here's why this matters: celebration creates momentum. So when your brain gets a little hit of, "Oh, I did good today," it's a hit of dopamine. It wants to go and do more of those good things. So you start associating progress with pleasure, and that makes you far more likely to keep on going with it. But it also shifts your focus from what's missing to what's already here. And when you get in the habit of recognizing the climb, you stop obsessing over the gap between where you are and where you want to be, and you start appreciating the ground that you've already covered. Now that's powerful because gratitude is one of the highest vibrations that you can sit in. And here's a little bonus for you as well. Sometimes, by the time you get to the summit, you know, the top of the mountain, you'll realize it wasn't actually the real goal anyway. Maybe what you thought you wanted has changed along the way on the journey. Maybe the process has shown you something even better to strive for towards. But you'll only notice that if you're awake to the journey. Not just the destination. So by all means, keep your eyes fixed on the top of the mountain, keep working towards that big beautiful vision, but don't let yourself miss the incredible view from halfway up the mountain. Celebrate the climb because that's the part of the story that you'll actually look back on and think, "That's where I really came alive in life." So here's what I want you to take away from today: rock bottom, it isn't the end of your story. Okay, it's just the plot twist that forces you to write a better one. So every step that you take from here, no matter how small, it's proof that you are capable of creating a completely different chapter for yourself. You don't need to have it all figured out right now. You don't need to know exactly how it's all going to happen. You just need to keep on moving. You need to keep choosing the next best thing for yourself and just trust that the climb is shaping you in ways that the summit never could. So remember, the person who reaches the top of the mountain isn't gonna be the same person who started at the bottom, and that's a good thing because you're gonna have strength, clarity, and confidence, and they are all gonna build along the way, and that is the real win. So whether you're still at the start of your climb or whether you're halfway up the mountain, celebrate yourself. You've survived every single challenge that you've faced so far in life, and you're still here. That's not just resilience. That is proof that you can do hard things and come out even stronger. The only difference between the people who stay at rock bottom and the people who rise up is that the ones who rise decide that they're not staying there. Okay? And you've just decided by listening to this episode. So, I hope that you've all connected with this episode. I really hope that it was exactly what you needed to hear today. I always get to the end of each of these recordings and think to myself, What on earth have I just rambled on about for the last half hour? But then I get messages from you lovely lot to say how deep the message hit or how much you resonated with the episode, so it makes it all worthwhile. But if you haven't already, hit that follow or subscribe button so that you never miss an episode going ahead in the future. Leave a review if you're feeling super generous, or even just share a screenshot of yourself listening on social media. Tag me, I'm @cannycrystals. It all really helps me. And to say thank you, your exclusive podcast discount code at both cannycrystals.co.uk and cannycrystalsacademy.co.uk is the word 'podcast' at checkout. And funny story about this, actually, I hadn't realized that I'd set that discount code to one use per person when I set it up a few years ago. So yeah, apologies for that, but it's all fixed now. So if you've ever tried to get something off the website with that discount code and thought, 'Mart, what you talking about? Why you tricking me on your website?' I am so, so sorry, I didn't mean to. I didn't know it was single use. But yeah, go and hop on over to the website cannycrystals.co.uk, fill your boots, you get a discount, the code is PODCAST. Right, I'm off to enjoy the rest of me day, so I hope you all have a beautiful weekend, and I will see you all next Friday for another episode. Speak soon, guys.

Bye!

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