Nate Tilley outlines five roles for men: son, brother, partner, father, and leader. He draws on growing up without a father to argue that you model the father you wished you had, choose a partner with sexual polarity, and take ownership as a leader in hard times.
Questions this video answers
June 5, 2023.
Over 50% of marriages in the western world will end in divorce or separation.
32% of men grow up without fathers.
He is the father of three daughters ("three incredible young girls").
"More than 100 police officers."
Chapters
More than 100 police officers. There is an epidemic of weak men being born right now because so many children are growing up without fathers. Heck, I grew up without a father or really any real strong male role models. But it's not just me. Over 50% of marriages in the western world will end in divorce or separation. And 32% of men grow up without fathers. In this video, I'm going to be sharing some of the things that I wish that I was told as a young man. You see, I was raised by a single parent mother. And I watch my mom hold down three jobs to provide an incredible life for me and my sister. I watched her wake up early in the mornings and go out there and bust her ass off to burden the load that is usually shared by two people. It wasn't just me, all of my close group of friends that I grew up with as well. We were all raised by single parent mothers. I would rather be raised by a strong woman than being raised by a weak man. Because as they say, hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. So I'm going to be breaking this down into five parts. Being a son, being a brother, being a partner, being a father. And the fifth one is I'll tie them all into what is the most crucial thing about all of these combined. All right, so the first thing that I learned about being a man came from being a son. Like most young men, I definitely was a handful for my mother. I definitely challenged her specifically in my teenage years. But one thing that I really wish is that someone would have just sat me down and really told me about what my role is of a son. Or if they told me one of the things that you should think about that you want to be doing is being the man that you wish that your father was. It's like anything in life. Like, the more that you're going to focus on that, the more that that's going to become. If you walk around with this chip on your shoulder thinking like, hey, my dad was never there, that's what you're going to focus on. And through your whole life, you're going to carry that with you. And that all just comes down to creating that image of for you, what is it that you wish that a father would be? And the last thing on this point I wish that someone would have told me is that a lot of people throughout their and their young adolescents, they're kind of thinking about themselves and it's all about them. But really Just taking a moment to think about the sacrifice that your parent has gone through to provide the life that I was fortunate enough to experience as an individual and making sure that my actions align with things that I believe would make them proud for the sacrifice that they've made. Now, the second thing that I learned about being a man came from being a brother. And not just to your siblings, but to your friends and to your brothers in arms. And the way that I always thought about this is just about being. Being the brother that I wish that I had. And it's a very interesting relationship being a brother, because you're not the coach. You're another player out on the field. And it's not about telling your brothers what to do or telling your siblings what to do, but it's about rallying out from the field and set the example of what it is that you should be doing. People will forget about the fights that you've had, or they'll forget about the things that you've said, but the one thing that they won't forget about is how you made them feel. And if what you're trying to do comes from a place of authenticity and wanting the best possible outcome for that person, then I believe that they will forgive you for those uncomfortable conversations or those tough things that you needed to say in those moments that have ultimately kept that person accountable long term. The third thing that I learned about being a man came from being a partner. I believe that picking your partner is the single most important decision that you will ever make in your life, bar none. And until recently, where the world went completely, completely crazy, most communities understood the importance of sexual polarity in relationships, the difference between feminine and also masculine energy, and that dynamic within a relationship that really provides the polarity. Because if you want real passion in a relationship and you don't just want friendship, then polarity is essential. Otherwise, you basically just become two friends that have sex with each other. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't exercise both energies in any particular different moment. But if you want true power, passion, and you don't just want love and you don't just want friendship, then this polarity is extremely important. Now, the fourth thing that I learned about being a man came from being a father. I am the proud father of three incredible young girls, and I can honestly say that you will never truly understand the depths of being a man until you are a father. And raising three fierce young tigresses has certainly taught me a lot of the balance of being strong, but also being warm. And loving and empathetic to my daughters. And studies show that the health of the relationship between the father and the daughter really sets as an example and at least as a benchmark of what those young girls will look for in a future partner. That comes with a lot of gravitas. From what time do you wake up? How do you treat your partner? The importance of conducting yourself in a certain way has just a lot more weight to it all right now. Everything from being a son to being a brother to being a partner to being a father all relate into the fifth and final point, which is to be a great leader. And it's very easy to be a leader when everything is all fine and dandy and everything is just blue sky and sunshine. But that's not realistically where a leader is called to lead. They are called to lead in challenging times because, as they say, calm seas never made for a skillful sailor. People don't want to be told what to do. They really want to be shown what to do. For me, being a leader means doing more of what it is that I require from other people and requiring more of myself than I'm actually asking for them to do in that role. I also think that when you're a leader, you really want to be thinking and asking yourself very often, the people that work with you today, what would they say about you or what would they remember about working for you five years from now, did you have a maniacal focus on the details and putting out the best work? And while in the moment, that might have seemed a little bit crazy, but then five years out, when that person is to look at all the stuff that you achieved as a team could think, like, oh, yeah, like, I get it. I get why it was like that. The thing that I really think about and I try to practice every day, is just taking full ownership of the situation. If something is to break down within my business and within my organization, I'm the first person to look at myself and saying, hey, this is my responsibility. And it's also knowing when you are a leader and when you are just a part of a team. So a lot of the times being a leader is knowing when to shut up and just let other people add more value to that situation than you're able to. And the last point that I'll say on this is just about being awesome and looking for any opportunity in your life where everything is just 50 shades of beige and the world so desperately wants you to conform, to fit in and to be normal, is look at all of those situations and to understand this time that you've got right now, chances are that you're not going to get another shot at it. So go out there, be a great man, and I'll see you in the next video.
