How To Write Killer Long-Form Ecommerce Facebook Ads (Direct Response)

Hey guys, Sabri Subhi here and I actually put out a call on Instagram for you guys to send me in some of your ads and I will take the time to critique them and write them. We did it a few months ago and it's been a very popular segment. I've had a lot of messages asking if we can do that again. So that's exactly what we are here doing. So one of the people that sent their ads to me, I'm not going to be able to get to everybody just because of the lack of time. And there was lots of requests to review people's ads. So I just basically randomly picked who the people are and I thought we'd pick some weird obscure niches because they're a lot more difficult to write for than other things. And this comes from Amir and Amir's sent me his ads and it looks like that he is selling a saffron tea and he sent me a link to his ads library and what you can see here, his ads look good. Like he's got really striking imagery that look native and they don't look like ads. Which is the very first sign that you want when, when you're putting an ad together, you do not want it to look like an ad. Right. Facebook ads is a native advertising platform. People are there to consume content, they're not there to consume ads. So the surefire way to make sure that your ads don't get consumed is to make them look like an ad. But Amir's already on the right track here because he's used really, he's used images that still pop in the news fe but there's no like buy now. There's no prices on them or buttons or any cute emojis or any of this crap that people do on their ads. He's just keeping it nice and basic. So immediately I think that he would have a high click through rate. But where, where we can really tune up your ads here. Amir is on the actual ad copy. So if I click into this ad here, I'll just read out the copy we've got. Drinking saffron tea will help you ease the mind and relax the body. Saffron tea is a mood lifting, refreshing herb herbal beverage full of antidepressants. All you need is hot water, saffron threads, honey and mint leaf to make a cup of saffron tea. Available for delivery Australia wide. Get your free shipping when you shop now get yours here with a link. And then the headline of his ad says get it says your 10% off code. So that gift 10. And that's probably some remarketing ads. So I'm going to go back to this ad and see this is less remarketing with the, with the coupon and stuff on there. Okay. And it is. So the headline for this ad is boost your natural feel good, get saffron with free shipping. And this is also with this body copy. If you are restless at night and cannot get a good night's sleep, then drink saffron tea right before going to bed. To make saffron tea, pour boiling water over a smooth pinch of saffron threads and allow it to to steep for five minutes. Get your free shipping when you shop now. So there's a lot of room for improvement on this, Amir. And we're really going to tune this up and we're going to get this ad doing much, much better than it is right now. So, first of all, the imagery is great. I think that there's not much that I would give you. No tips that I would really give you on that front, because I think you've done a really great job. Yeah, the images are fine, but let's look at what we want to do on the ad. So the first thing is, the first job of an ad is to simply stop somebody in their newsfeed and then it is to sell the click, where right now what you're doing is you are trying to sell people directly on this ad. And what I mean by that is you've got. You're showing your hand, right? You're showing your hand of cards before you get the click. You're telling them that you know you've got a product to sell, that you get free shipping on it and that you're shipping Australia wide. And this is not the job of the ad. We can't sell people from this ad. Therefore, we do not want to try and sell people because it's impossible to sell people from the ad. All we want to do is stop them, create enough desire and get them to click over to our website, which is then going to do the selling for us. So what I would do, instead of having a headline, for instance, we'll start with the headline, because this is typically where I like to start, and then we'll move into the other elements of the ad. So the first thing that you've got is boost your natural feel good gets. And then the link description, which is the almost the subhead that sits below the main headline of the ad says, get saffron with free shipping. Okay, so what we would do Instead of having a headline like that, we would have something along the lines of scientific like scientists reveal shocking new way to have the best sleep of your life. Right? Or 1260 year old ancient recipe reveals a hack for the deepest sleep humanly possible. Weird new way to have the deepest sleep humanly possible. These are things that give the ultimate benefit that your market wants, which is deep sleep. Right? Which is one of the benefits of purchasing the saffron tea from the brief look that I've seen here and that also stirs up enough intrigue for someone to want to click a little bit more. So looking at your actual ad copy itself, I don't mind the lead in copy, I think it could be a little bit more intriguing. You've got if you are restless at night and cannot get a good night's sleep, then drink saffron tea right before going to bed. Right? So what I think that you can do is just remove the ending of that opening lead in and don't have then drink saffron tea because you're telling people exactly what the nature of your ad is altogether. You could start with if you are restless at night and cannot get a good night's sleep, then this will be the most important post you read on Facebook this year. Here's what it's all about. There is a brand new study that shows an ancient recipe from 1268 years ago that scientists have newly discovered or newly rediscovered and it shows that it is far more effective than anything else that has ever been discovered to increase the depth of of that you sleep and also the amount of deep rest that you get throughout the night when you're sleeping and then go into some benefits about saffron and how people have been using it for thousands of years as this app like to help with their sleep ailments and to get really deep night sleep and that they've been giving it to new parents and new mothers who really need to get rest after they've had a baby and all the different kind of use cases that someone could be buying this, they've got lots of anxiety and they feel that anxiety when they go to bed at night and that affects their sleep and their mood and talk about that. And then instead of telling people in the ad that they just need to get a pinch of saffron threads and put it in a cup of water and pour boiling water over and then let it steep for five minutes. By doing that, you're basically not having any unique mechanism to your product and nothing proprietary and nothing that would want them to purchase your saffron tea, they might go, that's just really interesting. How about I go like to the local supermarket and just buy some of these saffron threads and then they don't even need to buy your product, right. So we need to make it that it's new and it's unique and they can only get it through the way that these saffron threads are grown, where you get them from. And they come from this special place in Iran that is up in the mountains with high altitude and it makes the chemical and the compounds that are in these saffron threads so much more potent that this is the secret to the deepest night's sleep that you can ever get. So then people feel that they can only get this big benefit from coming through to you and getting what it is that you've got. So the whole thing of the ad is like, you know, the lead in is great because you've got in there who you're targeting. People that do feel restless that night and they are looking for a way to have a deeper sleep. So you've done a good job by having that in your leading copy. But then you've just given too much out. You want to use story based copy. You know, I'm making some assumptions from your Instagram page that you, that you might be Persian. You've got some Arabic writing in here and it says, I'm exploring the beauty of Australia, Melbourne. And if so, is there any story hook wherever you're from? You know, maybe this saffron was a childhood thing and maybe your grandparents used to give it to you. I don't know. Right. I'm pulling its strings here. But I would think about what that looks like and what is the story and how long people have been using saffron and really intertwine some story based copy. Because nothing, and I mean nothing, works better than story based copy for cold traffic audiences, which I suspect is who you're targeting with these ads. So you really want to have a lot more intrigue the headline by using the examples that I've given you. Remove a lot of the other elements in this body copy of the ad and make it a lot more longer. We want to pre frame the click right Looking at your website, you know, if we click through to your website and see what happens where you're sending this traffic to. Let's take a look at that now. All right, so it comes through with a lady in a field of what appears to be saffron Flowers Premium Saffron. Discover the health Benefits of Saffron. So first of all, if we're going for the sleep hook in our ads and the headline on the landing page that we send them to must be congruent and it must be talking about sleep as well. The imagery is fine. And then if we go here, like we've got Saffron threads, you know, ranging from $14.90 up to $34 for a small tin and then for a jar, it's $79. So saffron isn't cheap, right? It's one of the most expensive things that there is. So therefore we're going to need to use longer form copy in our ads. Because if I click through from a short form ad, then I come through to this landing page, you're sending me a jar of this stuff for $79. And then it's just a basic product page that says premium saffron threads, 15 grams. There's no real long form body copy on here. There's a little bit of copy in here that's just. It's not going to lift enough freight to get a transaction for someone to buy the Saffron threads for $80 to a completely cold audience. Right. We're going to need to really get them. We're going to pre sell that traffic before they come through to this product page. And that's the way that you want to do it. So benefit and intrigue in the headline, more intrigue and benefits in the leading copy, long form story copy and then buy now, not free shipping. We want to sell the click, get them to click on through to our website and then let our actual website do the selling. So there you have it. If you do those things, what will happen is you'll notice that your click through rate goes through the roof. You'll get a lot more engagement on the ad. There'll be people tagging each other, which then signals to the Facebook algorithm. This ad must be a very high quality because people are sharing it and people are engaging of it because it's of standalone value in the ad itself. And there's a story and there's things that could interest people whether or not they choose to buy your Saffron tee. And then that in turn is going to get you much more cheaper traffic. Higher click through rate, higher intent traffic. Pre sold traffic through to your product page or through to your homepage. And then as a result of that, your roas will shoot through the roof. So I hope that helps you a minute. Hey guys, we're coming to you from lockdown in Melbourne. If you enjoyed this video, please like and subscribe. Share it with a friend. We're dropping a video like this every day on YouTube and I will see you in the next video.