How do you deal with friends and family who are against you?

Hey everyone, it's Sam Ovens here and Nick Fisher and you're watching Consulting tv. And on this channel we discuss everything to do with business and entrepreneurship and achieving wealth and success as well as like psychology and philosophy and how to work on your beliefs and your mindset. Because, you know, it's been my observation that the world's kind of become divided. We think that, you know, mindset stuff is not important and it's all about business. And then there's a group of people who think it's all about mindset stuff and not to do with business. And the truth is you really need to combine the two to really master business and achieve wealth and success. And that's what we talk about on this channel. And in today's video, we're going to discuss something which we see come up a lot and that is how to deal with friends and family who are against you becoming an entrepreneur. So, you know, if you decide you want to be an entrepreneur or if you decide you want to start a business and you have friends and family who kind of you've got conflict with, they don't believe that your idea is right or they don't think you can do it or you know, Pete, or maybe it's not even friends and family. Maybe it's just random people who are commenting on your stuff and thinking that you can't do it. How to really deal with those people and more than that, how to understand why they are saying the things that they're saying. Because once you understand why and once you understand the dynamics of how this happens, it's very easy to see how it happens and avoid it all completely. So that's what we're going to discuss in this video today.

Now a big question we see time and time again and there's a lot of resistance and this is a big hang up for people is what, how do I become an entrepreneur when my friends and my family are constantly against me and at war with it and they're really just knocking me down and it's ruining my confidence, it's ruining my ability to start becoming an entrepreneur. What do you say to those people?

Figure out why.

Figure out why.

Why are they against you?

So they would go back and you would tell them to say, hey, why are you against me? And just ask that question and open the discussion and see what happens.

Yeah, like see what their reasoning is like. And if you, you know, it's important to understand why for almost everything. And I always wondered, why is everyone against me? Like I had been, I'D been at university, then I'd been at a corporate job. I decided to quit, move back home into my parents garage. And they're like, you have to finish your degree. They're like, now you're a dropout. And they were like, what if your business doesn't work? Like 9 out of 10 businesses fail. And like, it's, I don't, what if you get, you know, don't get your hopes up too much? And like, I was like, man, how much other stuff is going to be against me? Like, my girlfriend at the time, she was like, no one we know in our entire family has ever dropped out of college. I don't know if my parents will even agree with your decision. I was like, I was like, man, where does all this come from? I was like, maybe I am wrong, but can't you at least wait until you see if I am or not? How can you predict what's going to happen in the future? And so I really, it took me a while to understand why. And you know, I would encourage people to just ask people and hear their reasoning and like, just, you know, write it down. Like, write down why people think that you shouldn't do it. And then when you start to see that, and when you start to see how, like their reasons, then it becomes really clear. And it's because you go like people, when they decide to become an entrepreneur and start a business, they adopt a different belief system. It's like, you know, it really is just like changing a religion or changing, you know, changing a political party. Like, if you were always interested, if your whole family believed in Trump, it's like becoming interested in Hillary, or if your whole family believes in Hillary, it's like becoming interested in Trump. Like, of course they're all going to be against you because your belief contradicts, retire someday and then die. That's what most people think that like life is supposed to be this, like, duh, duh, duh, duh. That's how you live life. And if you go against that, then it's really like having clashing religions or clashing political preferences. Like your belief contradicts their belief. And when two beliefs contradict, then the only way they can validate each other is by, like, by saying one's wrong and one's right. And so it's really important to just understand why. And then when you understand why, it's, it becomes really clear. And then you just don't get into the arguments anymore and you just leave it alone. Like when I decided to become an Entrepreneur. I would always, like, preach to my family that they should all be entrepreneurs and being entrepreneur was the right way to be and that everyone who was an entrepreneur was wrong. Right. Because I was like, this is the right way.

I've found it completely to the other side at that point.

Yeah, because I. I needed people to be with me because I didn't have enough confidence in myself to stand alone. And so, you know, I would try and, like, convert my friends. I'd try, and everyone I talked to, I'd try and have these conversations with. And they would often be conversations which ended up in arguments because, you know, it was like, who's right, who's wrong? And then when I really understood it all, I was like, why don't I just leave it alone? I can be their friend. I can still be a member of their family, and I can do what I want. I can start my own business, be an entrepreneur, but I shouldn't attack them for having a job. And if I don't do anything, then probably they won't do anything, and we just don't talk about it. So I learned to only talk to entrepreneurship and business with business people. And I would talk about normal things with, like, normal people, if we call them that. And so, you know, when I went out with my friends, we'd just talk about normal stuff. We would never talk about business. And still to this day, if my friends call me or we hang out, like, it's just normal conversation. I never talk about business at all. If someone's really interested in talking about business, I'll tell it to them, but I don't force it down anyone's throats.

So I heard you say something in that last part, and it's when people go and they ask the question, well, why do you think I should not be an entrepreneur? Oftentimes people regurgitate that stat. They've heard nine out of 10 businesses fail. And for some family members, they just don't want to see you go through the pain because they know that that's the common stat. What would you say to those people who face that challenge? They're like, well, nine out of 10 businesses fail. What are you supposed to say to your parents who. Who question that and just want to save you from getting hurt?

I'd just say, but how do you know mine's not that one?

It's a good answer. But then people who say that to them, the parents, and I think you're right. I know where you're headed. But they're going to be like, well, what if you are part of the nine, Right? Just to play devil's advocate, that's probably how that conversation would be.

Yeah, but then you'd say, well, why. Why don't you believe in me that I could be that one? Like, you know, people. People when they see. They see numbers like that, and they think that those numbers exist that way because, like, nine out of 10 people try really hard. And the truth is, is that most of those nine, like, they never did anything. Like, in my, in. In my experience, everyone who tries hard enough is successful, and the other people never really tried. So it's a statistic which doesn't mean anything, which, like, it's just been falsely analyzed. Like, you see nine out of 10, you think that, like, nine Richard Branson's, like, stepped up to the plate, tried to do it, and failed. It's like, it's like nine people, like, never even tried more than, like, one month. And then the other guy, he just stuck to it. Like, I think anyone can be successful in business if they just stick to it long enough and try. It just takes time and it takes effort. And then the odds start to change. Like, every day you. You're in business and you're. You're trying things. Every day you pick up a book and you learn those odds, start stacking. And I think that once you reach a point, the odds are like, 100% you're going to achieve something, because it's just impossible for you not to. Once you understand the rules of the game, once you have worked on yourself and you're, you know, you're motivated and you're, you know, you're taking action, like, there's no way that you can't be successful. It's. That's the way. That's the way I see it.

And how do you get that across to people? Because there will always be excuses. People always have something.

Just don't care about their opinion. Like, that. At the end of the day, you're never going, like, if you convert them, it's. It's like, that's gonna be one hell of a job. It'll probably be more of a job to convert them than it will be to be successful yourself. So the way I saw it and the way I still see it is, like, find out why. And then you can see that it's like a belief. It's a belief system. And then don't feel like you need to change their beliefs. They can believe whatever they want. And the only way to really prove who's right and who's wrong is to just do it and be successful and come back, be like, I told you so, or what I like to do is just don't even say anything because the success speaks louder than anything.

It does. Now, did you find. When you didn't have the support of your friends and family, did you have to get into, say, another entrepreneur group, another. Another group of people that did believe in you and were going through the same things?

Yeah, that was. That was important. I found, like, you know, people throughout my journey. Like, one of the best things I ever did, the first best thing I did was buying some books. And I know it sounds so basic. It's like, books, you serious? It's like, yeah, they're really good. And that's actually how successful people get really smart. They don't. They're not born smart. They just read more stuff than you and they learned more. And so that's the first step. Buy books. Second step would probably be buy, like, a training program or go to a seminar or something. Because when you go to those things, when you get into those groups, you meet other people, and then you'll hear other people's stories and what's worked for them, what hasn't worked for them, and you find, like, a community of people. And it's really encouraging when you start finding people who have succeeded. And what I strongly recommend is don't like, don't be in any communities where people aren't succeeding. Like, you need to leave those. Never join any groups or never be a part of anything where the people aren't winning. But you want to be in ones where people are winning. Because that thing that someone said one time, like, you're the sum average of five people you spend the most time with. There's a lot of truth to that. And you want to be with winners and you want to be in a program which is winning, and you want to read books which winners have read. You don't want to read books and join programs where, like, people who haven't won have used that stuff.

Yeah, yeah. The worst thing you want to do is take a book recommendation from someone who's not successful or anything else for that matter.

Typically, they'll tell you, like, an Xbox game or a brand of beer.

It wouldn't be a book. It wouldn't be a book at all. But, yeah, that's kind of what I've seen, too, is because people will say, well, that's easy for you to say. I'm not in a city that has a bunch of successful entrepreneurs. I'm like, well, okay, is there a library around you? Can you get access to books? Because they can be those people for you. It's whoever you spend your time with or whoever you spend your time with reading, and that's why they supplement it. And obviously live events, I think are probably better to some degree, but certainly most successful people are generally well read. There are exceptions. I would say that's been the case.

Readers are leaders.

Readers are leaders. Where'd that come from?

I have no idea.

Yeah, it's a good one. I do like that. But, yeah, I mean, that's basically how you circumvent it. I know the answer seems simple now that you've been through it, but some people, it's really hard for them because they respect the opinions of the people that love them and been their life so long. But have you found, like, if someone is still, after years, still against you in that manner, what do you do? Do you just.

I think that, like, the way. The only way someone's ever against someone is if you judge them. So, like, if you judge other people and you think, like, the way they're living life is wrong, then they're gonna think that the way you live life is wrong. And so I found that, like, I clashed with everyone when I was trying to clash with them, you know, I thought my way was right. I thought the way that they were doing things was wrong. And because I walked around like that and you spoke like that and everything, then of course, I came into conflict. And I was also asking for their advice. Like, they're going to give their advice based off their belief systems in their life. They're not going to give me advice based off, like, what I'm doing. So of course I'm going to get advice that doesn't serve what I'm trying to do. And you need to just let go of it. Like, I constantly used to talk to my friends and family about this sort of stuff. And then I was just like, why? Like, why don't I have my business people for talking to business stuff? Then I have my friends for talking about just friend stuff. And I just separated the two. And if a friend wanted to talk about business stuff, fine, we would. But I would never try and, like, you know, force this upon them. And that's when it just all stopped. And still to this day, I don't think a lot of my friends or family know what I even do. And they have no idea, really. And that's totally fine. I would tell them if they were interested. But if they're not interested. I don't care. Like, most of the time people are trying to force a message on, like, deaf ears, you know?

Right, yeah. So do you ever have being in the position of success that you've had, especially early age, do you have friends that reached out then that weren't previously.

Interested, now they've become interested probably like about 15%.

15%.

I didn't have many friends, so it was like I had a small group of friends which we really good friends with, which was about 10, 12 people and Sony, like two or three.

Yeah, no, for a lot of people too, is when you get that success. It's a lot of people do it to prove people wrong. Right. They want to be successful because they want to prove people wrong. But I think that the best combination is when you're doing it for yourself and maybe to prove people wrong too. It's a secondary motivation as far as that goes. Because, yeah, if you do get flack in the beginning, it can feel good and probably should be celebrated to be able to, to some degree, feel like you have proven people wrong.

Yeah, I think there's got to be a deeper reason than just proving people wrong. Also, you could win and, like, they might still think that you're wrong. Like, it's a silly thing to do. You should base your decisions off you. Like you. I just wanted to impress myself. Like, I. I wanted to stick it to some people who said I couldn't, but for the most part, I just wanted to satisfy me, like, because I had always told myself I can't do anything. And then so, you know, I just wanted to prove that maybe, like, maybe I can. And I just wanted to satisfy myself. And I wanted to get into a competition with myself every day. How can I get better every day? You know, how can I get, you know, better at this and satisfy myself and go to bed each night feeling happier?

So knowing that, how do you determine your growth? How do you know you're growing each and every day? What's your process for measuring that and making sure that you are on that path?

Yeah, well, you want to constantly be improving and, like, growing as a person, like, financially, with health, with everything. And I've always said that there's no such thing as staying still in life. You're either moving forward or you're falling backwards. So, like, I don't think you can just. Just maintain a flat line. Like, if you think you're just maintaining, then you're really losing. And so you're either climbing up or you're Falling down. And so, you know, you've got to have something to chase. Like you've got to have a carrot in front of, you know, on a stick in front of you, all at all, the. At all times. And I like to just put that as a better version of me. So I'm always chasing me in one year, me in three years, me in 10 years, and I'm chasing that, and I'm trying to become that person.

And when you set out to make those targets, I know that you said you reexamine yourself each and every day, and that's kind of how you look at it. You look at your vision board, you see what your goals are, and then you kind of adjust according to accordingly. Now, is there specific. Do you ever take those big goals and separate them into little things? Like, in order to get to this goal, this is what I need to do today to become a better person, this is what I need to do tomorrow, et cetera, et cetera?

Yeah. I mean, the main thing is that you set some sort of vision like, this is where I want to be in one year, this is where I want to be in five years, and whatever. And then you want to kind of break that out into months, and then you can break it out into weeks, and then you can break it into days. And I mean, one thing I've always said is that you can have a bad day, but you can never have a bad week. And so, like, you know, sometimes you fall off sometimes you might break your habits and stuff, but it's all about the average. It's all about, like, the consistency. And provided your weeks are, like, all on track, and provided your months are on track, then you should always become the person which you're aiming for. You've just got to make sure that you don't ever have more than one bad day.

Yeah. Because that can snowball pretty quick.

One day becomes two, two days becomes a week, week becomes a month, month becomes a year. Just like that, it's gone.

Yeah, interesting. So kind of any last summary for people who are still dealing with. With family issues and need to let go, what would be the first thing you would consider?

Ask them why. And don't like attack. Just ask why. Like, a lot of the time people who voice a concern, they just want to be heard. So I'd listen to them and I'd just write it down on it and then I would analyze it and look at. Why are these people saying this? Okay, well, it's because this is what they believe to be true. And These things are their beliefs, and what I am saying opposes their beliefs. And so if I try, try and say these things are true, then it means that they have to agree that what they're believing in is a lie. Right? And that's very hard for someone to do. And so you don't want to have conflict with your family. You don't want to do anything. And the way to do that is just to be quiet about it. Don't ask for their opinion, because often your family isn't gonna give you any good opinions. And don't ask your friends for their opinion either. Like, I. Whenever I asked my family or my friends for their opinion, it was. I always got something bad. And it's because they didn't believe what I believed. And it's because they weren't living the, like, the life and the vision which I had. Like, they were nine to five employees, and they believed in qualifications and, you know, traditional jobs. And I was out at dropout living in a garage, trying to create something new. So when I learned that, I just left it alone. And if I wanted to talk about business and just talk like crazy about business stuff, I would save that for my business friends and I'd just keep it quiet. And if someone says something bad, just don't listen to them. If Warren Buffett calls you up and he's got some advice and it's negative, I'd probably listen to that. But if some random person who doesn't know anything, or most importantly, if some broke person has some advice and they think they're wrong, they think you're wrong, don't listen to them. Listen to people who are very successful and very wealthy, but don't listen to people who are where you're at or worse, below, because their advice is really what you should go against, not what you should listen to.