11. Finding the Sweet Spot Between Extremes: Suffering, Joy, and Emotional Balance

Welcome to Builders of a Better World Podcast, a space for depth, clarity, and honest conversation where presence matters more than performance. Let's begin. Quick content note: today's conversation includes grief, pet loss, and emotional processing that may be tender for some listeners. The sensitive spots are from about minute 24 to 27:30. Please listen with care. Welcome back to Builders of a Better World Podcast. I'm your host, Leah, here with Nef.

Hey.

What are we talking about?

Um, okay, we are talking about extremes. That's what we're talking about. We're talking about extremes. We're talking about Judgment of extremes, you know, what's good, what's bad, um, perspective, those kind of things, and where the sweet spot is on the spectrum of all of that, or what you feel like the sweet spot is.

I feel like extremes are the detriment to existence. No, I mean, I do. I think Again, I inherently just naturally want to gravitate towards the center of the spectrum, erring towards the positive. Right. But in my opinion, and just my experience, honestly, whenever you start to get to one extreme or the other, you have to understand that every action is going to then trigger the countering reaction to the other opposing extent. And so being mindful of that, it's really important of where you decide to place your energy when you're assigning meaning to things, of significance, it's really important to be mindful of what you are putting positive as well as negative energy into because what goes up must come down and everything is temporary. It's just transient. And so, when we're talking about trying to establish a baseline homeostasis that is that of higher vibrating, it's maintainable is the idea. But we can't stay in a state of euphoric bliss Right? You have to know suffering in order to understand joy. And so that's the polarity. That's the nature of existence. That's the law of creation. You have to have opposites. You need to understand contrast. However, when you place yourself on the spectrum, going from that more negative, low vibrating, bad side versus the good side, I think it's important to just be somewhere in the middle and kind of erring on that side of more positive. I think extreme perspectives is a part of that rigidity that make people a little less flexible. And whenever you assign meaning to something that has a significance, you are potentially giving yourself an opportunity, a potential trigger, a potential reaction If that thing gets compromised or hindered in some way, it's not to say don't have value in things and don't live life fearing that it's going to be taken from you. Don't develop this semblance of detachment so as to never be wounded. Understanding woundedness is what's going to help you understand fulfillment and contentment and peace. So it's a fine line and it's definitely a balance. But I think whenever we can consciously control It's always good to be kind of dancing around that center, knowing that some negative is essential and honoring and accepting that. And then just choosing to focus and just again, stay a little more on the side of positive.

Yeah, I think that it's unrealistic. It's like you said, it's unrealistic to think that you can stay high vibrate, high vibrating slash at the very far, you know, positive, like always in this place of, you know, euphoric bliss. Like it's unrealistic to believe that you're gonna be able to stay in that place.

Well, it's not human to do that.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, we talk about thriving in the human existence and the human experience, and we must take a turn around the entirety of that emotional wheel. It's the good, the bad, and everything in between. And that's the whole point of this is you touch on the not so pleasant and you stay there for the least amount of time as possible. You kind of jump back out again, ideally, but you need to know it, feel it, and understand it because that's what's going to give you the truest appreciation and therein true conceptual understanding of what is on the other side of that negative spectrum. Again, though, like anytime there's extremes, and I'm talking about perspective, I'm talking about emotion, I'm talking about energy, I'm talking about opinions on things. It's the idea that that is going to, again, trigger the opposing reaction. If you're definitively, you know, I mean, we could use so many examples. Politics are a really easy one. If you're so far liberal or you're so far, you know, conservative, You're going to have limited opportunity to be flexible. There's a rigidity that is inherently instilled in that extreme perspective, view, or opinion. There becomes little room for those that are on the other side of the spectrum to have value to you. And if you're so far to the extreme on the one side, That's where the separation comes from. That's where the, oh, I'm different than you comes from. Their differing opinion becomes polarizing. It's intense, right? And the opposites are so focused upon. Whereas the closer you get to that interior of the spectrum, that sort of middle area, the less distance there is between you and that opposing view. So it's all around just less extreme. And that's where I think we can come— we can develop more acceptance and understanding, forgiveness and peace when people are on the other side of the spectrum.

Yeah, I think you, you right there, you— the, the words that you used, especially peace, you know, uh, a lot of suffering happens when you're on the far side of the spectrum. and somebody does something that you think is so far on the other side of the spectrum, and, and that causes you dissonance, it causes you suffering, it causes you pain.

Yeah.

And then you express it in a way that may be destructive to either yourself or to others. And I think that that exaggeration of, you know, your, uh, understanding creates somewhat of a limit on On your responses and on your reactions and on, you know, how maybe you can be in, in, in, and we're talking about this in a different way, maybe a little more high vibrating in the sense that you use the word accepting and forgiving and understanding. Now we're talking about an entirely different way of approaching this idea of, you know, yes, I want to be as high vibrating as possible, and this is good and this is good, but that's bad. Oh, that's bad.

Exactly. Your orientation from the purview of your perspective is broader when you're closer in the middle. And I'm not saying neutrality. We need duality. We need duality in order for this life to exist. It's literally ingrained in every aspect of creation. It's required. But again, the closer you are to that middle point, the closer you are towards neutral, again, just erring on the side of positive because we all want to choose to be high vibrating when we can. You're going to have a broader perspective that allows you the orientation to view something on the other side of the spectrum. And I think when you're able to understand it or even just have compassion for the understanding that, well, we're a little different, And that's okay. The whole let them kind of a theory.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Me do me, you do you. And that's totally fine because they're not extreme. It's easier to find a more amenable coexistence. And I'm not trying to tell anyone, don't have definitive values, don't have definitive opinions about things. But where on the spectrum of extreme are you placing yourself, you know, as it pertains to other people being allowed something different, being allowed an alternative way of viewing or navigating the world? You know, if, if you are saying this has so much meaning and significance to me, How susceptible to disappointment, to woundedness, to upset are you if that thing in some way, according to your perception, gets in any way threatened or compromised or not allowed for a moment? You prioritize something so heavily and you're denied that for a moment for whatever reason. How does that compromise your— ability to be in that state of coherence in that moment.

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

That's where it's really important to assign meaning to things with very conscious intention. You can have a handful of things that mean everything to you. Relationships for me are one of them. My relationships are very important to me. So yeah, if you died, That would be quite sad. I would be a bit upset about that. It would really rock my world and compromise my state of coherent alignment for sure.

Oh yeah, of course.

Absolutely. And that's okay. Makri getting injured was devastating.

Was dramatic. Yeah, it was a very dramatic thing for your perspective. Totally.

That was really hard because I value my little fur babies and their health and their wellbeing oh so much. So yeah, that's going to That's going to create a lot of upset in a moment, right? You move through it, you move on, and he's okay. He's a happy little guy. Fortunately, he's young and he'll heal really well. But nonetheless, it was a sad, very traumatic experience for both of us. And that's okay. That's okay. But I don't have 35 things that are going to trigger that type of reaction. I only have a few that are going to trigger that type of reaction.

Sure. I get what you're saying. Yeah.

A few things in my life have that degree of significance to me.

Sure. Sure.

Anything else is like, ah, small beer.

Yeah.

Small beer.

Yeah.

And without conscious awareness, we navigate things from a very reactionary perspective.

Right.

And so I think it's important to have that list of things. If it's not One of these couple things, it's not going to get this kind of a rise out of me. It's not going to get this degree of upset. I can be amenable to flexibility when it comes to the ebb and flow of existence pertaining to any other aspect of my life, knowing that I'm going to experience temporary discomforts and displeasures as a means of growing and transforming and moving through the world. You welcome it from that perspective because it's not directly affecting your few things that have the most amount of value to you.

Well, and even with those few things, it's like you're saying, if you're aware and your perspective is there, then you can handle those few things maybe better. Do you know what I mean? Even though they are very dramatic and even though they are very hurtful and they are very, you know, they're going to bring a level of suffering, a level of pain. And, and, and that, to, to your point, the observation of that understanding and that pain, uh, is a part of the existence. It's a part of the, the, the extreme of things, right? So you place that much importance on that, on that element and on that component, then, then you have to understand that there will be, uh, some suffering that it— that comes along with that.

Yeah.

You know, there is going to be some pain. That comes along with that. And in a sense, you're saying, I'm okay with that.

Yes.

Like, I'm okay with that. I'm accepting the fact that this is going to be somewhat painful. This is going to be somewhat frustrating or somewhat whatever. And I think that's a really, really good understanding as well, because some people take suffering to such an extreme that it devastates their entire existence.

Well, and they can be susceptible to devastation, like I said, from a variety of things. And it's like, why? You know what I mean? If you really mindfully have your list, right? These are my core values, which I talk a lot about how to define and establish core values for oneself and be unwavering in that and not susceptible to external influence because we really do need to be mindful of of ascribing our own understanding and definitions and meaning to things. It's very, very important we do that, especially pertaining to our identity. And our core values should really be the core, hence core values, of that piece of yourself.

Right.

That sense of your identity, that sense of what matters most, that sense of these are the boundaries to maintain unwaveringly. The rest, I can be rather malleable. And like I said, being flexible, being adaptable is a very specific type of intelligence, a very specific skillset, and arguably one of the most valuable in navigating this life.

Sure.

So it's really about being mindful of that spectrum, being mindful of maintaining that navigation, erring away from the extremes if you can consciously avoid it. Honestly, What goes up must come down to the fullest extent, opposing wherever it originated from. That's, again, the law of this world. So yeah, the high highs, the low lows. I kind of like to navigate a semblance of somewhere in between. I do enjoy a high high every once in a while, and you're going to have a low low. But when you're talking about a baseline, when you're talking about just navigating day-to-day life, I really like to stay somewhere in the middle. So being mindful of that, but also— Your list of what is so important to me that it would take me to the high-high or the low-low. And having a short list, and you can have a list a mile long of things that bring you joy. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the things that you find to be the most valuable in your life, the things that you don't want to live without, the things that you would die for. Arguably. Like, we're talking about sky is falling scenarios.

Yeah.

What are you wanting to defend, protect, and maintain? And how much of what you think is on that list could be removed? Where can we exercise more detachment in our existence? Because there's value in that too, exponentially. When you have that list and you're like, these are the things, when you're going through something and you're like, this sucks, but it's not one of these things.

Sure.

It really helps to put things in perspective and keep you from having just an automatic reactionary response to something where it's like, okay, I call it sky is falling scenarios. We have this ingrained automatic survival biology that triggers these sympathetic responses, these, you know, kind of survival fight, flight, or freeze, these boosts of cortisol, the stress hormone, in response to things that are not directly threatening us. We talk about that in Nervous System Mastery all the time in the iThrive series.

Yeah.

And so having the awareness of what your list of sky is falling scenarios is and really honestly comparing everything in life that happens to you to those things and say, well, the sky's not falling. I'm not going to behave as if the sky's falling. I'm not actually being hunted by another human. I'm not going to act and respond as if another human is hunting me. That would be a very unfortunate extreme. Right? Putting us in a state of survival. We navigate from a stage of survival instinctually when it's not necessary. So it's an extension of that same concept and conversation. We're just kind of intellectualizing it now and bringing it into our prefrontal cortex where we can just assign, again, this judgment and meaning to things purposefully so that we're not having this triggered response to things that don't actually threaten that which means the most to us. And if it doesn't, then honestly, most of the time, why worry about it?

Yeah, I think I have so many thoughts right now because one of the things that's coming through my mind is that potentially you have the ability to control that, that list and your response, right? And I do think that We have a difficulty when we have one situation that is on that maybe sky is falling list.

Sure.

To let it affect some of the other situations in our lives where it isn't on the sky is falling list, if that makes sense.

What do you mean?

Well, like, let's say— actually, you know what, I have a really good example. I don't know if you want me to bring it up because it may affect you.

Oh dear.

Do you know what I mean? But the really, really good example is when you— when Austie passed away.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where that was a very, very hard thing for you to go through. And even though that was extremely dramatic in your existence, You know, you were still able to handle many other frustrating negative situations with grace, with patience, with perspective, you know. And I think that it does become challenging when you're having those moments to be able to have that perspective. It's almost like you need to, like you said, make a list and go, this isn't on this list. Well, how do I, how do I handle this situation when in this scenario this part of my existence is very hard and is very frustrating and is causing me pain, and I don't let it bring everything to that extreme, if that makes sense?

If we're going to bring up Austie, yeah, I mean, it has to be said Just to honor that chapter with— I just, yeah, if we're going to talk about it, it needs to be said for what it was. And I don't know. I mean, yes, thank you for giving me credit for—

Oh, I went through the whole experience with you and me seeing you the week after it happened. Right? Because I'll be honest, my expectation was that you would be holed up in your room, you know what I mean, for maybe the next 6 months.

Yeah.

You know, uh, and me seeing you, uh, the week after, I mean, again, it, it's not about the degree of pain or the degree of suffering. It's about your perspective and your understanding and how you handle that stuff. Right.

And again, if we're going to talk about it, let's talk about it for what it really was for me. Because the truth of it, and I'm just going to share, I'm going to pause now from the advisement perspective. We're holding on giving advice. Now we're just having story time and sharing something really vulnerable.

Yeah.

And I'm not necessarily saying that this is the best perspective and the best way to move through something. I'm not saying that at all. This is simply just my truth in how I responded and what felt really real for me in the moment. And because it was my truth, maybe this will resonate with people.

Yeah.

And if it doesn't, it doesn't. But, you know, Asti, my dog, my pit bull, I had her for 14 years. Which at that point, up until the day she died, had been my entire adult life. I got her when I was 18, 19. And yeah, she was with me through a lot of really hard chapters and she was like my angel.

She was my— Yeah, she was your companion through, I would say, the more challenging aspect of your existence in your life, right?

She was definitely, she was like my guardian angel. She was my primary companion. She was my my best friend. It was she and I against the world. And she was the most precious thing in the world to me.

Yeah.

So she's a good example pertaining to this conversation because, yeah, she was definitely on that list of— I mean, I would've said she was the most important thing to me and she was how I navigated my day. So much of my life and lifestyle was based on being her mum.

Yeah.

And it was a huge part of my identity, was being a pit bull mum and being Osti's pit bull mum. And, you know, she was the reason I chose certain relationships. She was the reason I had, you know, specific places to live, um, specific, you know, schedule and lifestyle. Like, it was So heavily associated with just what it took to provide for her.

Yeah. Quick story. When I met Lieya, the statement was, if Austie doesn't like you, then we can't continue being friends.

Yeah. You're not welcome here.

And I met Austie and she would bark when I was standing, but when I was sitting, she was And then within like a week or so, she really warmed up to me. But it was so interesting because it was like, no, if Ossie doesn't like you, then you won't be a part of the family.

So she was a very significant piece of my life. And I considered her, for lack of a better phrase, my Achilles heel. She was the way to wound me. And I would say this, if God really wanted to hurt me, mess with my dog.

Yeah.

And the idea of her uncomfortable was devastating to me. And her— not to get into a really dark, really sad, really heavy, very traumatic conversation, but that's what it became. her diagnosis with cancer and then a series of surgeries, chemotherapy, and then she basically bled to death at some point. It was the worst couple of weeks of my entire life.

Yeah.

And it was me very honestly living through A worst fear, arguably the worst fear I had had until that point. I don't even know what my worst fear would be now. And that's where I'm getting at in how I responded to that situation is I kind of went, well, I'm invincible now.

Yeah.

That nothing can hurt me now.

Yeah.

And that's really what my response was, was, well, this was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. I literally just went through My absolute worst case scenario ever. You know, I don't need to describe it in all its detail. You were there.

Yeah. Ultimately, what doesn't kill you makes makes you stronger. I mean, in that scenario, well, it was it was dramatic. Yeah.

You know, it was very dramatic being with her in those final days. You know, I I mean, I I had to maintain a semblance of. calm for her sake. And honestly, it wasn't that hard. However, it did take some time after the event was over and she had actually passed and we had buried her and done the ceremonial ritualistic kind of bringing that chapter to a proper cessation with honoring her and loving her and acknowledging that now for the rest of my life, I'm just going to miss her. And that's a part of my existence moving through the world now. In going through all of that, immediately following, it took a lot of work for me to not disassociate.

Yeah.

It did. It took a lot of work for me to maintain my sobriety. I do consume on occasion some libation every once in a while. I'm not like, this alcoholic. But in that moment, I wanted to be.

Yeah.

And in those months immediately after, I wanted to be. I wanted to be high on ketamine most of the time. I wanted to be high on weed most of the time. I wanted to definitely not have to process what I had experienced. And because I was consciously aware of that, I did make a point to go, I think it was, what was it, 15 weeks? Completely sober.

Yeah.

I purposefully then went, well, I have to feel this for the sake of her, for honoring her and what she meant to me and also myself and really transmuting the energy and going through the grieving process and kind of alchemizing my anger at God. I told Jesus I was going to punch him in the face throughout this process. So it's kind of you to acknowledge the graceful aspect in how I navigated the eminent obligations that came.

Well, you just said it. You were so aware of what you were going through that you knew you had to alchemize and to flip that switch, so to speak. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I had felt like I had literally gone through the worst form of torture I could have ever gone through in this life. And I was very angry at God. I was very angry at creation, very angry at the divine, very angry at all the things you cannot see. I couldn't be mad at another person.

Yeah.

Right? It was just— and I'm not a victim mentality human, so I'm not a, this was done onto me kind of a person. But I was very angry that she experienced that and that she had to go through that, this pure, pure, pure innocent, just angelic being. She was so good. Dogs are so good. They're so kind and they're so pure and they're genuinely angels and just companions to us. Animals in general, just such a blessing in this life. And not that any animal ever deserves to suffer to any capacity, but of course, my opinion, for what she deserved in a peaceful passing, she was not given.

Right.

And I sometimes had a hard time kind of allowing the understanding that sometimes it's the pure ones, it's the animals, it's the innocence that can get caught up in our karma and in our lessons and in our just human experiences. And it's not to say that I made her die that way. It's not to say that I, in some way, you know, had this direct influence over her having such a horrific passing, because it really was horrific. I do think that we affect everything that we come in contact with. And it is all a part of our journey. It is all a part of our experience. And I don't know to what extent animals actually do perceive suffering. And because of what I experienced with her, I really hope not very much.

Yeah.

I, as I said, really felt like it was the worst thing that could have ever happened to us. both she as well as I. So again, back to our main topic here, that was an extreme situation. And my response to it was, yeah, to come out of it like a warrior now with impenetrable armor.

Yeah. Your awareness of a few things. And I heard you many times say, What lesson am I supposed to be learning from this? You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And I know that some of that was in almost like the fist-shaking kind of mentality, but at the same time, I do think that you applied that concept. I do think that you applied that understanding is that as challenging and as difficult as it was to go through, There was many lessons that were learned in that process.

Yeah, it was brutal.

Yeah.

It was brutal. And I'm not going to say I'm grateful for it because I'm not. I'm not.

I'm really—

I'm not.

Right.

I don't have any resentments anymore. However, I would like to think that, again, Nobody should have to experience something like that. And I'm speaking more for her than it is my perspective of witnessing it or being a participant in her as her nurse, her caregiver, her provider, her mom.

Right, right.

Um, I, I would— I, I'm, I'm never a person that goes, oh, you know, what a blessing at the end of the day. Um, when it comes to some things, I'm not— I'm just not there yet. Yeah, I don't think I ever will be about that situation. However, I think there's value in— I feel, like I said, I do feel kind of invincible now. There's not much that can happen, knock on all the lucky things, because of my list. And again, my list does not come from narrowing my vulnerability.

Right.

It doesn't come from reducing the amount of potential heartbreak. It doesn't come from a paranoid place of trying to prevent suffering. It's not that at all. It's really just having a honed-in understanding of what really has the most value to you.

Totally, totally.

And in the nature of the way humans process emotions, the way our brains respond to things, I'll never go through that again. I'll never go through that again. No, no, an analogous situation will still be different. Yeah, you know, my children, you know, if I ever do have human babies, it'll be different.

Oh, totally.

You know, that's, that's the closest I've had to, you know, a child. And now the rest, again, as I've said, all my, you know, parental theories are all just hypothetical because my children are hypothetical. Yeah, but, um, you know, it's, it's, it will never be that Yeah. And that does bring me some comfort.

Yeah.

It does. It does bring me some comfort. And I genuinely feel now like my ability to be offended, to be wounded, to be provoked to such an extreme is nearly impossible to do. Nearly impossible. Just because I have such an understanding of that perspective pertaining to that which matters the most to me, there's not a lot that someone can say or do directly or indirectly that is really going to pose much threat to those things. You know, it's just it's not it's just not in my existence. That's why I did the unbothered blueprint. You know, it's like living life, understanding how to accurately assess. assess that which is really compromising or threatening or in some way wounding is so critically important because a lot of us have these triggers that just, they're not really necessary to be walking around with. I don't want someone to push my buttons, so I'm just going to have less buttons to push.

Well, and also let's not have to go through something So challenging, so painful before we get to that point, right?

Well, that's what I'm saying is it's like, exactly. Having less buttons doesn't mean that you are more apathetic. It doesn't mean that you don't have strong emotional attachments to things. It's a balance between understanding that which is, again, on that extreme side of the spectrum, that which matters most to you, and the ability to perceive an accurate sense of something harming you.

Right.

Most of the time, we're not actually being harmed or threatened, yet we're just responding as if we are because we haven't taken those situations or circumstances and put them on the unimportant spectrum.

Sure.

Put them on the, this doesn't penetrate my force field side of just life. Insults, social media bullying, people being rude, people having extreme opinions about other things. I just kind of look at pretty much anyone who has an extreme opinion as if they're really silly.

Right.

My humor is just— it's a very prominent navigation tool as well. And just how I respond to things. It's easy to kind of look at this as if it's just a big game. And so I'm not going to take everything that happens, even in the unfortunate side of things, too seriously.

Oh, absolutely.

Because the sky isn't falling. I'm not going to respond as if the sky is falling until the sky is falling. And my sky already fell. And so now I know. I know what it's like. I know what it's like to be worst-case scenario. This is my worst fear. This is literally the worst thing that could ever be happening to me. And I'm living it in slow motion for this extended duration of a couple of months, long weeks to a brutally long weekend. And now I've done it.

And you're here. And you have moments of joy and happiness and enjoyment. And it's not a diminishing of that experience.

My strength is a point of pride to me. This is where core values and identity is so important. Because I identify as a strong person. I identify as a strong person. My ability to be amenable to change, to be resilient, to be adaptable, to not navigate life with rigidity, to be flexible, to be open to transition and change and learning and growing is strength.

Yeah.

And I take a lot of pride. I have my entire life in feeling like a strong person. Like a capable person, like a highly adaptable person, like a person who can go through life and still be good.

Right.

I'm not the Evil Queen anymore. We're reformed. We've changed our ways. I am going to be a warrior for light. I'm going to be the thing that hopefully perpetuates the most amount of goodness under any situation or circumstances, because that to me is strength. That's how I define strength. And being a strong person is a part of my identity. It's down to my core values. I am here to thrive in this human experience as a human. Because I have that clarity and because I have defined that for myself, that's how you're able to go through something and go, I have to go through it. I have to go through it.

Yeah.

The fire's ablaze and I got to crawl through it on my hands and knees. And that's what it takes sometimes to get through some of these horrific experiences. We're at seemingly absolute rock bottom. The sky is falling. Your perception of self, your attachment and assigned meaning to things is going to be what helps get you through it. And you become that person, that strong, resilient, adaptable, thriving human because you've decided to do so.

Yeah, you have control.

Yeah.

You have the ability to decide. And not all of us are called to be an example. I know that you are called to be an example. And so in some ways, your motivation comes from that, right?

My—

So you go, You come up to a situation and you go, I have a choice here, and then you make the choice based on what you do want to convey, what you do want to put out into the world. And I think that that's amazing and that's awesome. But we can also, those that aren't called to be an example, we can also do this because we do want to protect our peace. To protect our sanity, to protect our happiness. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Because it's not just about— it's like we've said, it's an inward to outward experience. Think about the fact that if you're reactive all the time to anything that is uncomfortable or frustrating or whatever, you will be most of the time vibrating at a lower vibration, and you will be the one suffering. It won't be the other people. It won't be the other thing, the other situation. The other situation has already happened, right? So it's not gonna— you suffering isn't gonna change that.

Correct.

So alchemize it, turning it into something that will bring quality to your existence, you know. Whether you want to be an example to others or not, it doesn't matter. But what about being peace, having peace, having happiness, things like that?

I think it's beautiful to acknowledge both. I think it's beautiful to acknowledge simply choosing to be selfish in a sense, but from a pure perspective, not selfish in the sense I'm going to harm others for the sake of my own comfort, because that's honestly a delusion anyway. That's never a truth that is even remotely possible. You harm someone else, you are harming yourself.

You are suffering.

Yes, you are suffering.

That is right.

So any semblance of malintent never produces a good result. You have to have a positive attitude to have a positive life. That which you see, you see with. So your perspective and your orientation as you set yourself up to view things does need in some way to err on the side of more optimistic than not. That's just the way it is if you're going to have a happy, healthy life.

Absolutely.

There's no way around it.

Yeah, absolutely.

Having said that, you can come from the place of, I simply want to be happy because I want to be happy. There's so much value in that. And again, building a better world is an inward-outward process. Building your best self is what builds your best world. So investing and contributing and caring and putting yourself first is the thing to do. Having said that, irregardless of whether or not you feel called to be a leader or be an example, as I do, I feel very called to be an example. Nonetheless, for those of us that don't necessarily have that calling, you must understand that your interaction with anything that you ever come within proximity of is influenced by your energy, by your vibrational frequency, by your intentions. So even if your intention is simply to serve yourself, when you walk out into the world, if that puts you in a place of aligned coherence, You are amplifying aligned, coherent energy. And that still is of service to everything around you.

Isn't that just an awesome byproduct?

Your animals, your plants, the energy of your home, the functionality of all your stuff. I mean, people don't understand. And that's not to say you're to blame when things break or don't work properly or a dog gets sick or your cat's vomiting. I'm not saying you made your animals sick. But we know that frequency heals. We know that elevated emotions and elevated energy cultivates organization, optimal healing, and this coherent energy, meaning everything is in this nice vibrating, optimally functioning order. That's what you're emitting when you're aligning with that which brings you the most joy, happiness, fulfillment, and health. You can come from a selfish place and be selfless in return.

Absolutely.

You are directly contributing to that which you encounter. And so, yeah, I mean, by all means, if you're not necessarily feeling called to outwardly speak, to stand up as I do and declare, like, this is how I move through the world, I'm not saying it's the best way for you. I'm just simply shining light on what's best for me in case anyone decides that the example might resonate with them, or there's a takeaway that they feel could be of benefit to somebody else, or there's an inspiration for them to simply investigate this whole idea for themselves. You don't have to follow me and the way that I do things. You don't have to follow the way I speak about things. That— it has nothing to do with that. It's simply the idea of, hey, I have made some improvements in my life. I have transformed in a way that I'm way more proud of myself.

Yeah.

That I'm way more in love with myself, that I feel a lot happier about life. This is how I've done it. I'm sharing it so as to inspire or invoke a semblance of, you know, just the idea of consciously thriving as a human. That's it.

Well, showing up in a specific way. I use that terminology a lot. How am I showing up? How am I showing up? How am I showing up? And it's like, you have to realize that the way that you show up affects your environment. It really does. And yes, that comes from inside. No question about it. It starts inside. Unless you are living in a secluded place where there are no creatures, no nothing around you, The way that you show up does affect your environment. So therefore, if I am being selfish and being like, I'm doing this so that I can care for myself, we all know that if we are taking care of ourselves, it's easier for us to be there for other people.

We know that. And other people will be inspired to take care of themselves because you're taking care of yourself.

That's right. So, so, so when we talk about This idea, we're trying to say, let's all show up for ourselves, and then therefore we'll show up for the people around us.

This could turn into a whole nother conversation. I feel all the ways we can digress from this. Just like this idea, I'm just going to introduce it and then we'll wrap up. But it's the idea that if we all took the utmost care of ourselves, we would need not In so many other aspects of our lives as it pertains to help.

Totally.

We would need not. We would need not. If everybody took optimal care of themselves, can you imagine the world?

Yeah.

If everybody just adequately, benevolently, with kindness in their hearts, took care of themselves.

Yeah.

I mean, that would solve so much. We come from this place and this is where builders exist. This is why Builders' whole mission is what it is. It's the understanding that to be of service is not of self-sacrifice. To be of service is not self-sacrifice. To take care of others, to nurture others, to benefit things in a positive way does not require a sense of neglecting yourself. If you are acting in the name of service to try and contribute something and that thing means you must directly prevent what you are needing. You're neglecting something. You're neglecting a living thing.

Absolutely.

You're negating your positive contribution. I'm so sorry.

No, it's true though.

But we are all sentient beings. We're all living life force energy inhabiting these bodies that require nurturing and require care. And we have these minds that require nurturing and care and our soul that requires nurturing and care, whole self wellness. You're only going to be most fit for service if you're most fit for service.

Absolutely.

Self-harm, self-neglect, a lack of self-care is counterintuitive to all of that whole— I mean, it's just, it's the way that it is. You get burnt out, you get tired, you get fatigued, you get the semblance of entitled mentality. I deserve, I'm doing this because I need this in exchange. It's still a perpetuation of some semblance of lack. And that's why, when you could just care for yourself first and then care for somebody else, care for a group, care for a thing, contribute your time, contribute your effort, contribute your energy, because your cup overfloweth.

Absolutely. And if we could tie this back into what we were originally talking to, it's so interesting because if you don't do the work, Of making the list or thinking about, you know, where you are in the extremes.

Yeah, yeah.

Right? You will be suffering. And in turn, most of the time we cause suffering, you know. And I think that that's kind of the idea. Let's, let's all work on internally Being at peace or whatever that might be, so that when we show up, we are higher vibrating in that area that, that knows acceptance, that knows forgiveness, that knows understanding, right? And then contributing to a much better world. Absolutely.

Your capacity for all of that acceptance, understanding, and forgiveness is so much greater Yeah. When you are navigating from a state of alignment, because you have the utmost clear perspective, you have, in a sense, embodied clarity. Your judgment is going to be far more accurate, and your capacity for, we'll say, tolerating things is going to be that much more. So, yeah. Thank you so much for being here. We'll wrap up there. What are your list of things that matter the most to you? If you're going to assign oh so much meaning to something, I'm very curious, what are the things that matter and mean the most to you? And what are you going to do to ensure that you're not navigating from a Yes. Um, thank you so much for being here. Builders of a Better World Podcast. Like, comment, and subscribe. We'll see you next time.

Bye.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. Thank you for joining us here at the Builders of a Better World Podcast. Please share, subscribe, comment, and be sure to pass this episode along for anyone who may need it. See you next time.