4. Freedom is the Why: Neff's Health Transformation

Welcome to Builders of a Better World podcast, a space for depth, clarity, and honest conversation where presence matters more than performance. Let's begin. Welcome back to Builders of a Better World, conversations for the bold and the brave to live in their audaciously authentic way in the name of building a better world. So, so Nef.

Yes.

You have to take your vow of authenticity.

A vow of authenticity?

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah. Hearing that, what does that mean to you? What does it mean to be authentic to you?

True to what it is that I truly believe.

Okay.

Yeah.

Cool.

And feel.

Do you vow?

I vow.

You vow to be?

Absolutely.

Okay.

100%.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

I also vow, as we've heard before, to be truly authentic, which for me is speaking true in love and peace.

Okay. Beautiful.

Yes. Good. Great. Grand. So welcome back. On today's episode, Sir Nef, also known as Nefertiti, King Neptune.

Thank you.

The dancing Viking.

Thank you for that. Um, I haven't actually been knighted. I want you to know that this is authentically True. I am not yet knighted. Maybe someday.

Maybe today's the day. We don't know. It could be. Would you like to watch?

I would love to get knighted. Oh my word.

You are the manager of my after-school program for Dance Masters Performing Arts. You are a fantastic dance instructor.

Thank you.

One of the best, honestly. Previously, one of my dance partners and coaches.

Yes. Yes.

Very integral part in my dance career. Very important part of the dance studio which we have in Agoura Hills, California. Neph is one of our most seasoned instructors with—

Seasoned. I love that word.

30 years?

35.

He can move them hips too.

Yeah.

White boy's got moves.

I do.

My boy's got mad cha-cha hips.

Yes.

If enough people comment cha-cha Nef, we will post a video of Nef doing the cha-cha.

Okay.

Cha-cha Nef.

I'm down.

Um, okay, cool. So that's who you are a little bit, just a semblance of who you are professionally, the tiniest, tiniest bit. Um, so I want to start by getting an understanding of what dance has meant to you, your dance journey, because that's a very, that's a very significant lead-in to what we're going to talk about today. Yeah, because that was threatened.

Yes, yes, it was. Absolutely.

Your ability to keep dancing was, was potentially, um, no longer a thing unless you were gonna dance on one leg.

That is true.

Which is possible.

That is true.

Which is possible. Amputees dance. People in wheelchairs dance. I'm dancing right now. Yeah. Like you can— dancing is however you choose to interpret it. But dancing as you knew it.

Yes.

Yeah. Was potentially going to be forever changed.

Absolutely.

So before we get into the story, yeah, you've made some very dramatic life-altering just changes. To your existence, and it's been very profound, and I've witnessed it over the last couple of months. So for those of you who are struggling to transform in a way that you feel would be best for your life and for your existence, this is a really good story that I think most people will find incredibly inspiring.

I hope so.

If you're needing— if you're needing an understanding, an insight into someone else's experience and how they found their why, this is a story for you to listen in on. So, preface for us, firstly, dance in your life, because it was important.

Yeah, I started dancing, of course, a long time ago. Loved it right away. I actually knew in the first year of learning how to dance that it was something that I was gonna do the rest of my life. And I actually knew that I wanted to be a teacher. That was a— which is interesting. A lot of people learn how to dance and then want to perform and compete, which I did a lot of as well. I did compete and perform on a formation team, and then I competed as a professional and loved every minute of it. It's a passion and an excite— it's exciting for me to do that. But the love from— the love for dance came came from kind of what it brought to my life as far as joy. Moving to music is really important to me. Confidence, oh my word. Before dance, not so much. After dance, yes, almost too much. You know, you do get an ego a little bit, and I've kind of brought that back a little bit. Just a huge part of who I am comes from dance. I think the positive energy that I try to convey in my life comes from dance a little bit, as well as other things. But I mean, it has its foundation in that. Dance just brings positivity to everything, in my opinion. So very important to me, absolutely. It's how I've made my living.

Ever.

A long time. You know, I actually started teaching dance really soon after I learned, even because my coach at the time asked me to be an assistant director of the team that she coached and then also asked me to teach some other classes that she also was a part of. So I actually started teaching pretty much the 3rd year after I started learning how to dance. And have been teaching ever since then.

Which is what, about 18 then?

I was 18 when I started teaching, yeah. And then I've taught ever since, like literally ever since. That was a part of what I did. There were times when I had to have other jobs to actually supplement my income, but for the most part, the dance, teaching dance and competing and all of that was You know, my career. It was my career. Absolutely.

How many years-wise are you now today?

How many years-wise?

Yeah. How many years old? How old are you?

I am 48.

48. And you've been exclusively making your living from dance for how many years? Because it's been a long time.

Exclusively. How long has it been? It's been Hmm. There have been on and off times, but exclusively, probably 20.

20 years.

Yeah, probably 20 years.

Yeah.

I would say.

I have a little bit of insight into who you are. I've kind of had a front row seat into the existence that is Nef. And, you know, for as long as I've known you, which is a while now, You teach dance, you go social dancing, you're very heavily involved in music. Music is a very integral part of your life and that which is you. And that's it.

Right now?

Which is beautiful.

Like, there's no judgment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

I'm just saying, I'm just trying to really paint a picture. Like, you arguably live and breathe the life that is dance and music.

Oh, absolutely.

Right?

Yes.

So what happened? Because something came.

Yeah.

And said dance as you know it may not be the next chapter for you.

Absolutely. So as with most people, COVID created a scenario that was a little more challenging, and my health started taking a hit because I wasn't very active. And I've always kind of struggled a little bit with my health. And so I wasn't very active. I wasn't dancing as much. There wasn't any other exercise that was going on. So I gained a substantial amount of weight during that time.

Our studio during COVID was shut down for a year and a half.

Yep.

A year and a half.

And I was still dancing a little bit, but not even a very big fraction of what I was doing before. So very dramatic change for me. Um, so yeah, so I gained a substantial amount of weight and—

Can we talk about how much?

Oh, sure. I, I, I kind of am in denial a little bit.

I know how much you weigh.

Because I'm kind of in denial. The reality is, is that I did break 300 pounds. I, uh, didn't see it on the scale because Once I hit 297-ish, I just wouldn't look at the scale. I just wouldn't get on the scale. And I know that I did gain some since, you know, at that point I did gain some. So I'm sure I broke 300 pounds. I just don't know for sure because I never saw it.

At 5'10?

5'10, 300 pounds. 300-something probably. I don't think it was much more over 300, but it was 300-something. And, you know, I mean, obviously that scared me. So I was like, oh, I'm going to do some exercise. And I went on a hike. And when I went on the hike, I got some blood blisters on the bottom of my feet, but I didn't notice. There is some nerve damage due to, you know, the weight and whatnot. I don't like to use specific words. Anyway, there was some nerve damage. And so I didn't feel it. And the first time I actually realized what was going on— What was going on? was my foot had started to swell a little and it was getting red. And I knew that obviously something had to happen. And so I went to urgent care and at urgent care he was like, you need to go to a wound specialist. You have a hole in the bottom of your foot.

He literally had a hole. I saw it.

Yeah.

It was a literal growing Both in width and in depth. Hole. Massive hole. We might even share a video or pictures. Talk to my producers.

I do have a picture. I don't know if we want— I don't know if we want to, but—

No, we kind of do. Yeah, because it's dramatic. It was really intense, and there was some concern pertaining to Your blood sugar levels.

That's correct, yeah.

And there's some diabetes.

See, that's the word I don't want to use. That's the word I don't want to use. I believe I have a— I have some, uh, um, I believe that I have some ability to control that, right? And, uh, yes, so there was blood sugar. There was a comment about my blood sugar. That was the first time I actually got my blood sugar tested.

And it was high.

And it was high. Um, they Tried to prescribe me a specific medication and I—

For diabetes.

And I—

Diagnosed.

And I decided that I would change my life instead.

So the wound wasn't healing.

The wound wasn't healing. They had given me an antibiotic and it was— seemed like it was getting worse. The inflammation was getting worse. The coloring was getting worse. I was Literally to a point where I thought that they were going to have to take the foot off because they said if the infection got into the bone, there isn't anything that they can do about it. So I thought the infection was actually moving into the bone. The doctors that I finally ended up working with said that they, of course, were going to do anything that they could possibly do to make sure that that never became Yeah. An option. But of course, as someone who utilizes their feet and legs for their career, this was a dramatic, scary, intense situation. And when, when those things happen, you start to think about, of course, what is more important. The satisfaction you get from eating a lot of ice cream, which I love ice cream, or being able to dance, being able to keep my foot, which became obviously the thing that I would ultimately choose over enjoying a pint of ice cream. You know, things like that. And you mentioned it at the beginning and you said the why. And I have to say over and over again, if you want anything to change in your life, if you want to become anything, and it doesn't even— it doesn't— it's not— it doesn't have anything to do with health. It doesn't have to necessarily do with health or any of those kind of things. If you want to accomplish or change or do anything in your life, if you can find the why, and that why can be powerful enough, then everything past that point becomes easy.

So would you say your why is dance, or would you say it's deeper than that?

Well, it's definitely deeper than dance. I mean, dance is obviously because it is so important to me and what I what I do on a day-to-day basis. It's not just dance.

So if you could articulate it then, what is your why, if I may ask, and if you feel so inclined to share?

Well, I think, and I'm finding this in a lot of different things or different aspects of my life, but I mean, really freedom to do Anything that I want.

Okay.

There are things that we do in our lives that actually do take away our freedom. I mean, that's the truth.

Yeah.

You know, if, if, if you choose— and again, it is a choice— if you choose to be unhealthy, some of your freedom is going to be taken away from you.

I love that. I think that is absolutely so true. So in a reasonably concise way, kind of describe what your lifestyle was like. You're 300+ pounds, you're not getting much exercise. What be— if you may be honest, what were your eating habits like?

Oh, do we really want to bring that up?

I think we do, because I think there are people who will resonate with it. I think that there— it might speak to a couple of people who, you know, have comparable enjoyments. We'll say it that way. Like, they're, you know, again, I spoke about my mum previously on a podcast. My mum's a huge foodie.

Yeah.

Loves to indulge. You know, I think that there's a lot of people who enjoy food. I think food is comfort, food is celebration. food as an indulgence for whatever reason is extremely common.

I would like to address that just really quickly because I think that we do throw around words.

Words are symbols at best.

Yeah, yeah. And what do they mean? Do you know what I mean? One of the things that you actually, through your hypnosis therapy. One of the things that we realized with my eating habits is that they were emotional and that they were attached to something that I actually hadn't— didn't realize in the first place, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

And I think that you can be a foodie. When you say the word foodie, I think you can be a foodie, especially with the variety of healthy options that we have today.

Oh, there's no excuse.

That you can be a foodie and still be very healthy, extremely healthy.

100%.

And I actually— and I, I'm sorry, I'm gonna brag about you again— I, I actually realized that when you and I got involved with each other. And I— you would—

you were vegan at the time, and Not vegan anymore, but I was at the time.

You were, you were vegan at the time, and you would make these, these dishes that were absolutely delicious and healthy. So, because you can be vegan and unhealthy, so the, the dishes that you made were absolutely delicious and they were healthy. And I don't know if you remember, but I got into the best shape of my life when I followed Basically the food that you had made for me.

Yes, when your wife was cooking 3 meals a day for me.

Yes, that's right, that's right. And I don't blame you for me getting unhealthy or not, you know, afterwards. I know I did, I did. And I don't really, but no, when I had the food that you were making, I got into the best shape of my life. And partially it was because the food was delicious and I was still a foodie. But I was enjoying them, enjoying the food that I was eating, you know, and it was good for me.

Food is fuel, food is medicine, and food can also be a place for indulgence.

Absolutely.

There's 100— I am a huge advocate for all of those things.

So to answer your question about though what I was consuming is there was a lot of sodas, which of course have a substantial amount of sugar in them. There was ice cream, very common. I already brought up the ice cream. Ice cream actually is one of my favorite desserts.

Right, but how much ice cream?

And there was ice cream pretty much 4 days out of the week, and a good amount. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't a small amount. Okay, I won't make you say how much. So there was a good amount of ice cream. It was very, very common. And then You know, the excuses that get made about the type of food that you eat. For instance, I'm getting done with work at 10 o'clock PM and I'm really hungry and I want some food, but I don't wanna make it myself. Well, what's available?

McDonald's, Wendy's, Arby's, Taco Bell.

Right. And it's like, those are your options at 10 PM when you're hungry and you don't want to make your own food. And so yeah, there's, there's a lot of consuming of food that is really bad for you, and you make excuses because of what the situation you think needs.

Right.

And yeah, when you actually decide And you actually make the choice and you go, well, this is the why and this is important to me. Because again, you can't do it for other people.

Totally.

That's been something that's been a theme in my life too, where I've had either a significant other or somebody else be like, you need to do this and you need to do this. And I would be like, okay, sure, you know, but, but those never stick. Those never create life-changing habits or life-changing situations.

Right. But we're going for contrast So I wanna, I wanna know what it was like compared to what you are doing now, because I know what the difference is and I know how dramatic it is.

Sure.

But I want the listeners to be aware of how different and dramatic it is, because you've made an exceptionally profound change in lifestyle, but also mindset. So that's where I'm trying to steer you towards here.

Oh yeah, I gotcha.

And I'll call you out if you, if you Don't want to do it yourself, because I remember times when there were 2 different stops at 2 different fast food restaurants.

Yeah.

In the middle of the day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.

So yes, you're indulging at 10 PM plus at night, right, in, in things that aren't healthy. You're consuming, um, more than a single serving size of ice cream.

Yes.

Fair to say, right?

Yeah.

In a night. There is limited mobility. There is no exercise.

Right.

Right?

No, it doesn't feel good when you're 300 pounds.

Right.

No, it doesn't feel good to move.

Right.

Even when I was teaching dance, it was like I wasn't putting very much energy into it because I really couldn't, you know. Um, it was, it was definitely getting to that point. Uh, I am so grateful For the foot injury.

Right. So, so, so talk about what your life is now.

Okay, so, um, you went from immediately, immediately at that point, it was, I am not going to consume sugar. That was, that was the first, that was the first thing is I'm going to try to eliminate all processed sugar from my diet. And overall, that has been 100% successful.

Yeah, you've been committed, like completely committed, unwaveringly committed. You used to eat candy all the time.

All the time.

Like, like traditional American crap candy.

Yes.

All the time.

One of my jobs is to DJ at dance competitions, and it's long days. It's sitting It's sitting for long days just playing music. And inevitably it was a bag of chocolate, you know, again, probably some energy drink or coffee drink that has a lot of sugar in it. You know, I mean, it was, it was always those kind of things. And now, no, definitely not.

So you cut out processed sugar?

Cut out processed sugar.

How much weight have you lost? Since this journey began this past July. So we're in, we're in the end of December now of 2024.

Yeah.

This began July of 2024.

Yep.

So 300+ pounds to—

135. I'm sorry, 235.

235. Sorry, I apologize. No, that's okay. We'll take that again. So from 300+ pounds down to—

235.

I mean, that's pretty phenomenal. How do you feel about that?

Well, how do I feel?

Yeah.

I feel more energetic. I feel more capable. I feel lighter, obviously. It was hard for me to get up off the floor.

Before?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right? So I'm like, oh, I'm going to do some crunches or some leg lifts. You do that random exercise because I'm not completely— sedimentary, you know. So you do that random exercise and then it's like, oh, can I even get off the floor right now? You know, I have to pull myself up. You know, I mean, it's ridiculous walking up and down stairs, all sorts of things. You know, you— my, my ability to do— like I said, it takes away your freedom. My ability to do certain things became obsolete and I had to find options or I had to have somebody else do them for me. You know, like, why would you want to live that existence? To have to ask somebody else to help you with certain things because you can't do them yourself. You know, very challenging. You know, there's that quote, choose your hard, right? It's hard to be unhealthy and it's hard to be healthy, right? Choose your hard.

Yeah.

But I will tell you that it's not hard to be healthy if you find your why. At that point, it becomes easier. You make the choice and it is not a temptation. People— people— after I've told people that I don't consume processed sugar, after I tell them that I don't— after I tell them that I don't consume processed sugar, They're like, that must be so hard. And I understand their, their perspective because again, everything that you buy out there has processed sugar in it.

Fortunately not everything, but yeah, a lot of things.

Well, right, do you know what I mean?

Yes, totally.

And it's like, no, it's not hard. I have honestly not been tempted with most of it because I have my why. I understand what it means to do one or the other. I've experienced which, which Here is the hope, right? If you want to hear this story and go, I can see what he went through and I'm not going to go through it myself.

Exactly.

That's the hope. Because a lot of, a lot of what this was for me was a dramatic experience that taught me that I needed to change. And if I could just tell this story and have people hear it and go, I don't want to wait until I may lose my foot before I actually change, then that would be amazing.

How are we doing on time, Jason?

We're doing good. We're at 27 minutes.

Okay, cool. Cool, because there's, there's some emphasis on a couple of things that I just want to bring in that I think is really valuable to people, one of which is you still eat ice cream.

Yes, I do.

You still eat chocolate?

Yes.

We're gonna indulge in a really yummy dessert New Year's Eve.

Absolutely. You made a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving that was Again, absolutely delicious. And each piece had—

Less than 6 grams of sugar.

Less than 6 grams of sugar, but no processed sugar at all.

That's right.

And it was delicious.

Yep.

And if you're saying to yourself, no, it probably wasn't that delicious— no, I'm telling you, I am a foodie. I do care. About how things taste.

He's an anti-stevia person.

I am an anti-stevia person.

He does not like the flavor of stevia. So if you're one of those as well that is like, no to the stevia, I don't cook with stevia, I don't use stevia, because of this guy.

Yeah, I don't like the aftertaste. And this pie— pie, people— this pie was delicious. And I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel heavy, like it was amazing.

That's, yeah, so it's not a matter of sacrificing desserts. That's just something I really wanna emphasize. It is a matter of portion control, right? And finding healthy, Preferences, healthy alternatives. So I just really wanted to highlight that. But the other component that I just really want to touch on quickly is fasting. So you've chosen an avenue that doesn't work for my body personally. Extended fasts are really hard for my body type. I can intermittent fast naturally. My body naturally really enjoys a good 16, 18-hour fast. But you've done some extensive fasting. 70 pounds in 5 months is no small feat. That's phenomenal. And there's been no nutrition coach. There's been no diet counseling. There's been no food diet plan.

No.

This is— you've made a lifestyle change.

100%.

So this is a way of life for you.

Yeah.

Moving forward.

Yeah.

Um, talk about the fasting just a little bit. So we've determined that eliminating processed sugar has been huge, and then the other component, would you say, is the fasting?

Yes, absolutely. And like you said, That doesn't work for everybody the same way. I think that some type of fasting is always good for the body because it creates, you know, the cleansing process and—

Yeah.

Gives your body a break and whatnot. But because of, of course, the amount of calories that I carry as a human being, you know what I mean? I have been able to do like 4-day fasts. I think that's the most that I've done in the last little while is a 4-day fast. 2 days is very easy for me at this point. But it is extremely helpful. I know that after I get done with that fast, I'm gonna feel really good. My body is gonna be in a much better place. And I've definitely noticed that.

Yeah. So you're saying a 2-day fast is easy for you. A 2-day fast would not be easy for me. So can you just describe a little bit as to how you feel it's easy for you? Is it something where you keep busy? Is it something where you drink loads of fluids?

Drinking water. I think drinking water is very important. What actually I've learned, and I think that this again ties into the psychological side of eating, What I've actually learned is that we are so programmed that there are specific times in the day where we're hungry, and it has nothing to do with needing calories. It's just the body is expecting to eat, and so it gets hungry.

Mm-hmm.

And once you pass that little threshold, like, it's very, it's very small, but once you pass that little threshold, if you, if you have committed to fasting, Once you pass that threshold, you go back into a non-hunger state, if that makes sense.

Yeah.

And, and that is a very typical thing for my body to go through, is that it'll be like, well, you usually eat right now, so you're hungry. And if I drink some water and then I'm very— of course I'm not gonna eat, then eventually that passes and I feel great. And so yeah, so 2-day fasts are really quite simple because during those 2 days, anytime I feel hunger, it's usually not hunger because I actually need the calories or the energy. It's hunger because I've been programmed to be hungry. And I think that once you recognize that and go, oh, I'm hungry because usually at 1 o'clock I have a specific meal and it's 1 o'clock right now. I'm just gonna wait until 1:30 or 1:40 and I won't be hungry anymore. And it actually does work that way.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

And the why of freedom.

I love that. Yeah, freedom. Oh my word.

Your why is freedom. I love that. That's really phenomenal. Um, okay, thank you so much for sharing all of that. Um, I feel like we could have talked so much more.

There's a lot. Yeah.

There's so much, you know, that's involved. It's been a Very significant, uh, it's just been a very significant transformation. So of course there's going to be loads of things in there that, you know, we've only barely skimmed the surface.

And I'm not done yet.

No. Yeah, the journey continues. Do you have a goal that you want to get down to, or—

I don't. I don't have a goal. I have a lifestyle desire.

I love that.

Yeah, I want my life to be a certain way.

That's amazing.

So if I follow specific things, I know it'll get there.

That's wonderful. That's terrific. Okay, what is your why, right? Yeah, Builders of a Better World as a collective wants to hear from you, wants to engage with you. Find us on Instagram. Builders of a Better World has an Instagram page. I have an Instagram page, Ashlieya, A-S-H-L-I-E-Y-A. Very weird, I know. You can also find us on YouTube. Drop us a comment, send a DM, send an email, info@buildersofabetterworld.com, and tell me what your why is. Yeah, what is your why? Join the collective. We'll see you next time. Thank you for joining us here at the Builders of a Better World podcast. Please share, subscribe, comment, and be sure to pass this episode along for anyone who may need it. See you next time.