05 Masterful Comm Change Formula

Welcome back everyone. This is Rae Chois, Master Certified Coach, professional coach trainer, and creator of this free video series for you. Now I'm so excited because I just trained you on the BAEB Formula, and I hear that you've been using it and it's been really impactful in your life. Just a quick recap on the BAEB Formula. Of course we know it's an acronym. Be available is the BA. Be effective is the BE. So we want to check in with our inner world and then be effective with the outer world, and I'll review that in Just a moment, but I want to remind you that this really is a model that you can use. It's only 2 steps, and if you master it inside of yourself, you really will be effective in the outer world. It's a simple, sexy strategy to support you to communicate well in sucky, stressful situations. So hang on to it and be a babe in the world. Okay? Are you with me on this? I want you to be a babe. I want you to live your life above the line as a creator, because when you're above the line, you can handle what the outer world brings effectively. If you're below the line, life isn't so great, right? We got those 2 categories always coming at us, either giving love, someone outside of us is giving us love, or they're requesting love. So let's look at the giving of love. If you're a reactor and someone gives you love, you deflect it, right? You can't take it in. You're skeptical. You're not allowing yourself to receive. If there's a request for love and you're below the line, you're gonna get sucked up into that request for love and you're gonna throw back a bunch of requests Yes. For love. So it's the spin zone. Check it out in your own life. Every single time, if you respond from below the line, you are sending yourself into hell. Excuse me, but that's true. You want to live your life in heaven, and you deserve to. And you deserve to create heaven with other people, because when you're above the line, life is totally different. If someone gives you love and you're above the line, you create more love. You express yourself and you allow for that love to multiply and overflow. When there's a request for love and you're a creator, you are relaxed. It doesn't matter what the package is. Someone can literally be, you know, well, hopefully not literally throwing things at you, but metaphorically throwing things at you and tossing out names and, you know, all this stuff. But if you're above the line, you are resourceful. Nothing impacts your state of mind, right? There's nothing outside of you that can transform the inner peace. Within you. Don't we all want that? Yeah, we want to live our lives above the line. We want to be above the line. Now, in relationship to how the brain works and in relationship to change, now I said earlier Milton Erickson, who of course is the gentleman that the college that I work for is named after, he had 5 principles. If you saw this in the last video, you might recall those 5 principles. Don't need to go through them right now, but the last one, the really important one— well, they're all important, but this one is really important Change is inevitable. Change is inevitable. So we want to get ourselves out of the habits of life below the line, and we want to create change. And due to how the brain works, okay, we've got our reptilian brain, we've got our limbic system, we've got our cerebral cortex. The qualities of that limbic system, which by the way have been you know, evolving for 50 million years. This brain has some major qualities to it, okay? And perhaps I'll create a video for you on how the brain works. But this— the reptilian brain is the fight-or-flight brain. Of course, that's going to impact communication, because if you're way below the line, you're going to go into fight-or-flight, right? Okay, but this limbic system has some major qualities to it. It's a sameness brain. It likes to do the same thing over and over and over again. Okay, that's going to impact communication if you keep doing the same old patterns, right? So it's sameness-oriented. It only knows the moment now. Okay, so all mammals have this brain. This is why we love our pets, okay, because they have this nowness orientation. You know, your dog is right in this moment now and they're so excited to see you, or your cat is really relaxing and in this moment now. So this is why we love our pets. So when we are in this limbic system, this limbic brain, we only know this moment now. Now, how does that relate to our communication? Okay, because if we're in an emotional state and we're way below the line and we only know this moment now, This is where we say what's on our mind and we're just gonna go for it and, you know, doesn't matter what the consequences are. We're gonna shame and blame and throw that person into pain and we're gonna complain about them. We're gonna this, that. You've been there, right? I don't need to, you know, do trauma drama for you because you know what it's like. We all know what it's like and we don't need to go there. You don't need to go there because who you are is a transformational communicator. And I want to help hold you accountable and I want to help— I want you to hold me accountable to being above the line. So how do we get over our resistance to change? You know, life below the line is safe and we get to be right about things. We want to get ourselves above the line. Well, a gentleman named Dick Beckhard has a formula, a change formula. I want to share it with you because I think it's going to really support us with this conversation. So this is Dick Beckhard's change formula. Okay. Now, if you go online and look up Dick Beckhard, you're going to see You can see that there's an extraordinary amount of information on his formula. It's used a lot in organizations. I want to make it simple for us today, okay? So Betcarre's Change Formula is a 3-step process. It's a multiplication equation, right? And of course, if there's a zero, one of these are missing, then this is going to happen. Did you get that? So we've got 3 pieces here, any of which are missing, this is going to happen. And what's the RC? Reciprocity. Well, let me just start with that. The RC is your resistance to change, okay? Your resistance to change. So what we want is to get over the RC. We want this part of the equation to be greater than your resistance to change. Dick says that requires 3 things, okay? And I invite you to consider this in your own life in relationship to communication. Now, it relates to anything, but think of this as you're communicating, right? So think of those horrible situations that you've been in and you've resisted changing your behavior, okay? Maybe you're somebody who in certain situations you scream and yell, or maybe you withdraw, or maybe, you know, it just— something pushes your buttons and you have a certain way of behaving and you're sick and tired of it because it doesn't create great results, it throws you below the line, and you sabotage life. Okay. Now according to Dick, you need to be D. You need to say, okay self, that's not good enough. I'm dissatisfied with my current state. I am dissatisfied with my current state. I will not choose that anymore. Okay, so in your life where you're resisting change, are you really dissatisfied? Are you— do you think life below the line is good enough? Okay, in my younger years, I lived life below the line and I thought that that's what life was about. You know, especially through my teenage years with my parents, right? I mean, I was a horrible brat. I'm just gonna call it, you know. I was, I was, you know, yelling at my parents most of the time, and I thought life below the line was where it was at. Okay? So some of us are linked into those old habituated patterns and living out those old family systems, and it keeps us below the line, and we're not even really dissatisfied with it. So now that you have this information, I invite you to do whatever you can inside of yourself to say enough is enough. Okay, I'm getting myself off the couch. Okay, I am not going to slump around in horrific communicating. I am more than this. So I challenge you to get dissatisfied. And I also challenge you to do the V. Now you can see I put some yellow energy around this because this is really the most important part. The V is your vision. Okay. Dick says for you to change anything, you must have a vision. You must have a vision, and I'm gonna call this a value-based vision. You need to know inside of yourself why communicating above the line as a creator is so important. You need to know that deep inside of yourself, and then you need to create a vision. Okay, no longer in hell. You need to create a vision of your heaven, right? What is your heaven, and who do you need to become To create it. Next part. It's not good enough just to be dissatisfied and have a vision. You must know the FS. What is that? Very simply, the first steps. Okay, you must know the first steps and you must be willing to take them, right? And anything worth doing is worth doing badly in the beginning. Who cares? You just gotta get up and get going. Follow the vision. Follow the vision. So if any of these are missing, you're missing your D, you know, you like life in hell and you want to stay there, you're not going to change. You don't have a V, you don't have a life, you know, a vision of yourself in heaven as a creator, too bad, you're going to stay stuck. You don't have your first steps, you're going to stay stuck, okay? Because to change, you've got to have these 3 things. If you're resisting change, you're either unclear on what it is that you It's unlinked to what's most important to you, meaning it doesn't reside with your core values, or it's unchunked, it's not small enough. Okay? So it's time now to be a babe in the world and take this simple sexy strategy and create a vision around it. So I challenge you, go out, create a vision of your hell and say no, cross it out, of your heaven, and then determine who you are. you need to become and then take action now. And I will see you in the next video when we talk about the RIDART formula.