Overcoming Stuckness in Your Life w/ Rae Chois Pt 1

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Hey everyone, this is Janine of Keeping It Real with Janine, your guide to living an authentic You're listening to episode 6, part 1, on overcoming stuckness with my friend Rae T. Chois. Rae is a passionate and vivacious, professionally trained and certified life and business coach. She's an internationally published— ooh— she's an internationally published author who has applied these very principles to transform her own life from a dreadful spiral below the line to a thrilling place of gratitude and bliss that she calls her above-the-line state of mind. But it hasn't always been that way. It's always been this way for her. For years and years, Rae asked herself, is this as good as it gets? She had crazy thought viruses, anxiety, and depression. It infected her consciousness and her results for years. Everything looked good on the surface, but after a devastating divorce in 2008 and years of suffering as a single mother, feeling alone in the world, she finally said, enough is enough. I demand to expand. Her deep transformative life changes didn't just happen overnight. They were a long process of discovery and expanding awareness, but it has been so worth it. And for her, it just keeps getting better. Hey, Rae, my old friend. It's so good to have you here. I'm so excited. How are you doing?

I have missed you. I have missed you so much. It's been too many years.

I know. I don't even— I don't even want to count how many years it's been. Oh my God. I

have so many amazing memories of you. You have no idea. I'm like, Janine is the queen of awesomeness. You are a lifelong learner. You are such a dynamic coach, and I just feel so honored to reconnect with you.

Oh, thank you. I, I've been finding that, uh, this is one of the benefits for me of doing this podcast is it's giving me an excuse to reconnect with awesome people that I love and that I just haven't, haven't had the time or, you know, or, or whatever to stay connected with. So

I know, and you're here in Canada. Of course, we met in the States in Portland when you did your coach training, and now we're both in Canada and we haven't made the connection. So I just, you know, this is awesome.

I know. Well, Canada is a very big country.

It is. It certainly is. My goodness. So you've been learning some things doing these podcasts. How's it going?

You know, it's It's going really well. I feel like I'm getting, I'm getting used to my equipment and how to, like with the mic, I've been changing it all over the place trying to get the best sound. Editing, I almost gave up on the editing. It was so hard. But I read some reviews that said stick with it. It's not very intuitive and it's hard to learn, but once you learn it, you'll be really glad you did. And now I actually have fun editing. It's, it's because I've got the hang of it. So yeah.

A little self-coaching going on.

I do a lot of self-coaching. So speaking of coaching, how's that for a segue? I know you have been— you've been traveling a lot, especially what, China and India, I believe?

Yeah, well, as you know, I've been a global girl this, this entire decade, which has been awesome because, as you also know, for the last 8 years I've been a

I know. How do you do it?

You know, it's, it's, uh, first of all, my kids are amazing and they're global citizens too. So as often as possible, I take them with me so they have just a lot of awareness.

Good for them.

Yeah, we, we actually spent a month in China together a few years ago when they were in a year-long program. So that was amazing. And they're really understanding. They know that I'm really committed to You know, global awareness and global core values taking shape around specifically something like coaching, because coaching is all about awakening and inspiring the best in people.

Absolutely.

So in the East, it's like Buddhism made professional. So it's a very, very amazing time to just be in the conversation, especially with so many changes happening on the planet.

Now, do you— don't speak Chinese, do you?

You know, I get to work through remarkable translators, and talk about You know, trust and really, really developing an inner capacity to be with people because I have to go beyond language and really hear the heart and the soul of that person in the space, be it in a large training room or in an individual session. So, wow. I mean, you've been growing and expanding in lots of ways. I've been growing and expanding in lots and lots of ways. And it's awesome to go beyond language and really experience somebody's heart in their transformational process. So pretty cool, pretty cool. Tough life.

Awesome.

Not easy with jet lag and kids at home and, you know, communication happening from, from a different time zone. But it's, it's really been a remarkable journey and I'm so grateful.

Wow, that's awesome. And I'm so, I'm so grateful that your kids can, you know, take part in this. I mean, what an awesome opportunity for all of you.

Yeah, it really, really is. I am You know, I'm Canadian, and as you know, I lived a number of years in the US, and my kids have dual citizenship, so that's one of the great gifts of their life. But it's so important to go to each continent and really be in relationship to different cultural values. It's, it's so beautiful. And what's cool about coaching, just because that's what I've been, you know, training and working with for over a decade, is that it brings people together. That's what's so beautiful. You never have a coaching conversation where someone is left feeling worse about their life than, than when they arrived. So when we're talking core values and people are coming together, and even if it's different languages, there's still people growing together on the planet. And it's a beautiful, beautiful energy. And I just feel really proud to be part of it.

What a gift.

Hey, thanks. I think so.

I think so. Well, you're a gift to start with, but what a gift that you're able to share with all of these people. I mean, who would have thought when I knew you that you'd be traveling all over the world training, teaching? You never know what direction life is going to take you. So did you— a question for you.

Yes, please.

Did this happen Uh, in the flow, or was this something you mapped out and—

Well, here we are at the beginning of 2017, right? Yeah. We're early here in January 2017, and it's this time for setting goals.

Mm-hmm.

And, you know, there's so many different philosophies around how you really do this, right? Do you just stay in the flow and be in the I am energy, or do you really get specific and detailed?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And I would say that I did both. As you know, my mentor was Dr. Marilyn Atkinson, and you and I both had the privilege of sitting in her magnificent presence and learning and growing with her.

Absolutely.

And I would be nothing, truthfully, in my career without Marilyn. So it's such a beautiful, beautiful gift to be with a pioneer. And she declared herself a global citizen right around the time I met you. You know, she had already been traveling around the world. But, that was way back in maybe 2004, Jeanine, when we first met and you took your coach training. I was thinking about that when we first met. And, Marilyn really started to introduce me into the cultural game and being a global citizen and really opening my mind to all of the ways that I can contribute and use my life force for good. And so, she kind of held this energy space and consciousness for me to step into. There were really, really big beautiful shoes that I got to step into.

Mm-hmm.

you know, be part of her living legacy. And that's been an exceptional journey. So she kind of, you know, as my mentor, held a space for me to step into. And she had an idea for my life that was bigger than my own.

Hmm.

So I'm infinitely grateful to her. And I think that's why mentorship is so extremely, extremely important, especially if we feel stuck and we don't know our life's direction. We want to really find a great mentor in our life. So anyway, that's Just part of my storyline. And then I also have been an ambitious girl in my life. It's like, hey, what can I do? Who can I become? You know, my focus hasn't been on what I'm overcoming. It's really been focused on who I'm becoming. Good point. And, you know, right as I stand in 2017, I've got a really big goal for myself this year, which of course is to be in the flow. And to chart the adventure in a way that would exceed my expectations and take my life to a whole new level. So it's exciting. This month I'm signed up for all these different trainings with all these different mentors, and I get to sit at the feet of these geniuses. And so it's an exciting time. And I think it's been that process of being in the flow and being willing to chart the path, the combination of those two, that has created my life. And every day and in every way, I'm determined to get better and better and be really humble as I, you know, have the privilege of noticing all the ways I screw up and all the ways that I'm really still quite dysfunctional in my behavior. So, you know, my process has been beautiful in that I've had great mentorship and, you know, I've also had some ambition in my life and passion. But I'm also in positive growth mode. I mean, I'm screwing up all the time and I'm noticing Noticing all the ways that, you know, my behavioral patterns are dysfunctional and course-correcting as quickly as possible and self-coaching as I coach others. And I think that's the beauty of a spiritual journey. When we declare ourselves a global citizen and a spiritual practitioner, it's not about, you know, how often we get off track, because I get off track all the time. It's how quickly we can come back home to ourselves.

Mm-hmm.

And so that's my practice right now is how quickly can I come back home to myself and get out of my stuckness and my dysfunction and my irritation or below-the-line behaviors and get myself, you know, at least to the line and then ideally above the line. You know, it's more fun to hang out in the positive energies than it is to hang out in the low negative energies.

Absolutely.

And, you know, I don't think mastery of this game is to say I'm never gonna go below the line. I think mastery of this game is to notice when you're there and then as quickly as possible really come home to yourself.

Would you define that for our listeners? What does that mean to you to really come home to yourself?

Well, that's a really good question. When I'm home, I am in the vibration of love. So you and I together, Janine, many, many years ago studied David Hawking's map of consciousness. And I don't know if you remember the details, but that has been a guiding light in my life for at least a decade. And as you know, most of humanity is vibrating at 200 and below according to this incredible body of work. Now, you can think of it metaphorically. A scientist might come along and just say, that guy was full of shit. Sorry, can I swear on your podcast?

Yes. No. Yes, you can.

Okay. Okay. He— this— there's nothing scientific about this. He was just doing muscle testing. Who says this is accurate? You know, I think of it as a metaphor, and it's really been a guiding force in my life because I know when I'm vibrating below 200 and I am not home to myself. And vibrating below 200 is, is that energy of shame and guilt and grief and fear and anger, and then there's a little pride, and then there's Some desire thrown in there, and finally we get to courage. That's 200.

Mm-hmm.

You know, a life of courage. But it's not really fun to hang out below the line. And I know when I'm below the line. I know when I'm not home to myself. I'm below 200. And so to answer your question, when I come home to myself, I get to at least 200 inside my own consciousness.

Mm-hmm.

And I go, okay, I have the courage to become someone more than this moment. And that's a real starting point for me. It's like I have— I am more than yelling at my son. I am more than being offended by what this person said. I am more than this moment.

Mm-hmm.

And so that's the starting point of coming home to myself. And then I gently start to raise the energy. You know, I neutralize my thoughts. I know that I'm okay in this moment. I start to accept what's really going on. And there's some reason and some rationale that starts to happen. And this is gently raising me up to 300. And then when I get to 400, I'm truly in a higher vibration. And then love is 500.

Mm-hmm.

So it's unconditional. It's expansive. It's knowing that this moment is okay, knowing that I am here to truly, truly awaken and inspire the greatness in myself and others. And so I kind of move beyond what you might call the drama of what's going on in the moment into choice, which is who I'm choosing to be. Even higher energy is really seeing the gift in that moment. And, the quicker I can go through that pattern, the more beautiful human being. And, it's an awesome, awesome, awesomely hard journey to go through, especially when we're buying into, he did this to me and she did that to me and it's not fair. This government is doing this. And, you know, how dare she? You know, it's tough to be a human being from time to time. I don't know. Can you relate to what I'm saying? Yes, it is.

Yes, it is. Absolutely. I think choosing to incarnate into human bodies is one of the toughest things we do.

And I personally feel that coming home to myself, getting into that vibration of love, is such a powerful, powerful practice. And I am— I'm going to give myself some credit. I am getting quicker. I used to stay stuck for weeks and months and, you know, really buy into my dysfunctional storyline and keep telling myself that story over and over and over again. I mean, I've been through a divorce. You've been through a divorce. So we know all the levels and pain and suffering and storylines and, you know, drama and facts that we can tell. But all of that is the history. What do you think of what I'm saying here?

Oh, I'm, I'm wrapped. I am raptly listening because One of the things that I've been hearing a lot lately from lots of different people is that they're feeling stuck. It's like they're standing in quicksand. They just, they have ideas, they have, you know, they do have, some people don't have any vision. They're really in the lowest of stuckness. Yeah. But some people do have a vision and ideas and they just, they don't see how they can evolve or move forward or get out of the space they're in. And so I was going to ask you, would you— and I don't know if this can be connected, but the energy below 200, would that kind of relate to a place of feeling stuck?

Absolutely. Okay, so now there's like 5 models that I want to talk about all at once, and so I have to, I have to be select. Please remind me to come back to the 4 Gremlin Doors.

Oh, I love those. Okay?

I'm gonna actually write that down because— I am too. It's such a powerful technology, but if we start there, some things don't make sense because the place to start is with the brain. And I'm sure that many of your listeners know the basics of brain science, but it's worthwhile to review it. Is that okay if we do a quick review of the brain?

Oh, please do. Absolutely. Yes.

Okay, because it's critical, and every time I review this, body of work, I remind myself of everything is okay. It's just a limbic hijacking. You're okay. And I realize this is just the way the brain is at this time of evolution for humanity and everything is okay. So anyway, let's start with the 3 levels of mind. Okay. Actually, this is fun. I'm gonna ask you to put up your thumb.

My thumb. Okay.

Okay, so just stick it straight up. So I want you to think of the bone as your spinal cord and then we're Where the knuckle kind of expands into a circle, that is your reptilian brain metaphorically. Okay?

Okay.

So that is the first of the 3 brains. I'll come back to describing exactly what it does.

Okay.

Then if you take your fingers, if you actually bend your thumb down and wrap your fingers around that brain so you make a fist, that is like your emotional brain or your limbic system.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, and these 2 brains really work powerfully together. And then if you take your other hand, I don't know if your hand's free.

Yes, it is.

Are you able? Okay, perfect. And then wrap it over top of the other brain. That's like your cerebral cortex.

Mm-hmm. Okay, so we got the reptilian, the emotional limbic, and then the cerebral cortex.

Yes.

Okay.

And everything in your life begins with your brain. Everything. You know, your mood, your emotional responses, your relationship success or failure, your creativity, your innovative thinking, Your confidence, your motivation, your skills, your talents, your stuckness. It all happens. And of course, there's a much longer list than that, but it all happens with your brain. So if we start with the reptilian brain, okay, which is the thumb. So if you stick your thumb up again. Mm-hmm. Metaphorically, this brain has been evolving for 100 million years. So it works really, really well.

Wow.

And this brain has, has some very specific qualities, okay? It is there to protect the body. So if the body feels threatened, somebody is going to move into survival and they're going to move into immediate action. And it's funny because I heard Deepak Chopra the other day. He was describing the reptilian brain and he said, you know, the reptilian brain is the 4 Fs, okay? And I said, oh, that's interesting. And he goes, it's fight, It's

flight,

it's freeze, and it's copulate.

What was the last

one? It's, it's— I don't want to say the word, but—

Oh, got it.

Okay, okay, so it's about having sex.

I'm so slow sometimes, amazingly slow. Got it.

The 4 Fs, right, is this reptilian brain, and the thing is, is that Quite often, this reptilian brain, as you and I well know, takes over in inappropriate moments. Mm-hmm. And we often see it in others, you know, when we're driving down the street and somebody starts to lose it and they're honking their horn and they're freaking out and they turn into a reptile. They, of course, are connecting to something inside of themselves that is not a fight-or-flight moment. It is not a survival moment, but they're moved into immediate Mm-hmm. Action through this dysfunctional behavior. And it's just a reptilian brain moment. It's not who that person is. It's not the way they behave typically. It's just they've connected to something inside of themselves that is dysfunctional and they've become a reptile. So they are behaving in such a way that they're acting as if they're linked to a brain that is 100% 100 million years old. And what that means is that they're in very, very, very, very, very low levels of mind in that moment. They've quote unquote lost it. Their state is controlling them versus them controlling their state. And so, of course, when we have these moments, we're ashamed, you know, afterwards when we're reflecting, right? Mm-hmm. You know, if somebody loses it and they, you know, scream and yell and walk out of the room or they, They hit somebody or, you know, they do something that's completely dysfunctional. They're left in the very, very, very low energy of shame and blame and pain. And that's on David Hawking's map. That's like 20. That's the vibration of 20 on a map of 1,000. So we want to help people. Ooh. This is why coaching is so powerful. We want to help people get out of their reptilian brain moments and really into the higher levels of mind. But there's additional complexity to this because the next brain is your emotional brain. It's your limbic system and it's 50 million years old. So these 2 have been evolving together for a very, very long time and what they're doing is they're linking the physical kinesthetic Body, okay, which is moving into action quickly, with the emotional brain very powerfully, okay? And the thing is, is if these 2 together feel like there's a threatening situation, there is a profound fight or flight response and what we call a crash state in coaching. And when somebody crashes, they're really, really, really below the line.

Mm-hmm.

And CRASH is actually an acronym. It's constriction. So the C is constriction. The R is reacting to what's going on. The A is analysis paralysis, like they're stuck in an auditory loop of pain and suffering, like, why did he do this to me? What's going on? Why am I always so dysfunctional? There's like this negative looping that happens and there's a lot of paralysis and analysis around it. Mm-hmm. So it's C is contraction, R reaction, A is analysis paralysis, S is separation. So in that moment, they feel completely separate. And, you know, I have had so many experiences of witnessing myself do this lately where, you know, somebody— actually, I had a course this summer. This is a very interesting story. I was with this group that was doing very, very powerful spiritual group work. And, there was one person in the group that for some reason our energy was just not connecting. But, of course, as you know, at the end, she ended up being my greatest teacher. But, at the time, it was really, really challenging being with her because I felt she was very judgmental of people. Of course. And, she just seemed to have this scowl on her face. And so anyway, I was judging her obviously, which was a reflection of what I haven't healed inside of myself. Anyway, at the time, I was buying into my story. And I was annoyed just by being around her, to be totally honest. And I had mentioned to the group an idea that I had because we were doing this very, very beautiful group work around creating a project for the planet. It was really cool work. And I brought an idea and she looked at me and scowled and then shook her head as in no, like side to side. And as soon as she did that, my response in my body, like, I just shrunk. I felt separate. I felt alone. I wanted to leave the group. I almost felt tearful. I was so influenced by that tiny millisecond of a moment. You know, I just felt totally alone. So when we crash, when we get into that crash state, we feel separate. And then the H is we feel hurt. Right. or we feel like we hate. And in this moment, I felt both of those. I felt hurt by this woman. I was just like, I hate being around you. I don't want to have anything to do with you. Why are you in our space? This is a higher evolved space than you are living. You know, I just had all these judgments. I'm not proud to say this, but the truth is I crashed in that moment and it was an emotional brain, reptilian brain response. And it was, it was very interesting because Because this emotional brain that we have is auditory. So in that moment, even though she didn't say anything to me, I heard a tone in her gesture. Does that make sense?

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah. Like I was like, wow, you so disapprove of me. Right? And I heard her tone of voice and then this triggered this emotional response in my body. And there was an either/or response. This is what this brain does as well. It's like in that moment I was like, I've got to leave. You know, it's like I can't be here. I didn't have any resources or any options. You know, it was just like either I stay or I go. You know, it's kind of like this black or white energy that is so— it doesn't see gray. It's just like it's either this or that.

It's like you have to run.

Yeah, you've got to run.

I know. I get that myself. I said, wow, I feel like running right now. And I watch myself. And I'm like, wow, this is interesting because I really want to— I really want to run.

Okay. So what's beautiful about what you just said is the moment that you can watch yourself, you start to use the higher levels of mind. Okay? So that moment where you see yourself doing that, that's where the freedom begins because you're starting to access your cerebral cortex. So anyway, good, good for you because for me, when I was with this woman And Annie— sorry, I won't tell you her last name, but we're now really good friends actually because there was a great healing that happened. Oh, that's awesome. Good job. And I said, you know what? Yeah, totally, because I said, you are just my greatest teacher in this entire group. And she looked at me and she said, I know this entire course. And it was a 9-day course, Janine.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, it was 9 days. She said, I know I've been triggering you the whole time. And I said, yes, you have. And she said, I've been enjoying watching it.

Oh, wow.

I was like, whoa. And she said, because I know that it was a great tool for your evolution and I'm grateful. And so we had this beautiful hugging moment and it was a great healing for me because I haven't had somebody in my life lately that I can think of that triggers me like that. And she was just a beautiful vessel to evolve my consciousness. So I'm grateful. But in that moment, like you, I started to see myself so I could see. My crash. And once you can see your crash, you're starting to leverage your cerebral cortex. Okay? That's what's so awesome because the cerebral cortex is only 1.5 to 2 million years old. So this is the higher level of mind. Only? Well, yes, in terms of our lifetime, right? I know. It's just funny. It seems like it's been around for a long time, but it's truly the new kid on the block. And this is why our stuck patterns are hard for us to break through because the reptilian brain and the emotional brain have been evolving together for 50 million years.

And they're good buds.

They are good buds. And we easily slip into that habituated pattern of that emotional response because that's the other quality of the emotional brain. It's a sameness brain, okay?

Uh-huh.

It habituates. It loves to do the same thing over and over and over and over again. And so that can be really good. You can have very, very positive habits, but you can also have very dysfunctional emotional habits where some small thing happens and you are sent dramatically below the line. And that can be, you know, being habituating— habituating a depressed state. It can be habituating outbursts. state, you know, whatever the lower energies are.

Well, and I can see how you'd feel— it could perpetuate a feeling of stuckness because you feel so comfortable with the sameness that you can't move yourself out of it. And before you go on, I want to acknowledge how grateful I am to you for sharing something That was kind of embarrassing, I would imagine, for you. It's not one of your finer moments. For you to have the courage to share this with people so that they can— I mean, this is how we really learn, is by real-life circumstances and someone sharing how they moved through it. And I am, in fact, wow, I'm feeling a little emotional here. That's interesting because I know, I know something's really hit when I feel emotional. When I, I haven't, you know, I haven't coached really in a long time, but when I used to do regular sessions, when I would feel like, especially when I do timeline and— Oh,

I

love that work. I know, in doing the belief work, when I would feel, when I'd get that feeling in my chest, I would know we'd hit, we'd hit home, you know, that, that, that was what was important. And I'm getting that feeling again right now. So, so I, so my sense is, is that this is really important for people. Yeah, that a lot of people are going to get a lot from this.

Oh, I have so many more authentic moments I can share. You know, I've been a teacher of this work for so long, and I think that the first few years I was really caught up in looking good. You know, I wanted everyone to know that I was doing well with this work and I was on track in my life. And, you know, truthfully, it really is those moments where we hit rock bottom and we're willing to share it, that together we can evolve our consciousness. And they're not pretty and it's not fun, but if we're willing to talk about it— and this is what, you know, I've come to in my life— is like, I want to share these profound rock bottom moments because not only do I evolve when I hear my process of how I made my way through it, Mm-hmm. because it's really witnessing the steps of recovery that it's like, wow, I got through that. And I got myself home pretty quickly. Now, in this particular situation, it was actually a 9-day process. But once I had such a profound healing with Annie, and I've noticed a few other moments similar, nobody's triggered me quite the way she's triggered me, but I have been able to watch my process and get home quicker.

Mm-hmm.

So anyway, thank God for the cerebral cortex, okay? Because this is the powerful energy system that really can take us to the next level and take us out of these, these really bad habituated patterns of stuckness that we so often feel. And accessing this level of mind is a practice. And this is why coaching is so powerful for people and why mentorship is so powerful and having deep conversations like this This one is so powerful because it activates vision.

Mm-hmm.

And that's the tremendous gift of the cerebral cortex. The reptilian brain, as I said, is kinesthetic.

Mm-hmm.

The emotional brain is auditory. It responds to tone. Right. But it's the cerebral cortex that has us link into vision and imagination and creativity. So we can start to use this incredible mind that is 1,000 times more flexible than the emotional brain. And that's specifically because of the prefrontal lobes. The prefrontal cortex is really where that executive functioning happens. And it's when we access this level of mind that we can start to create the future. We can start to witness what's going on and then pull pull ourselves into the higher levels of energy by visualizing something really cool for ourselves.

Mm-hmm.

So this is why we truly want to understand the mind and be practicing visioning, meditation, positive affirmation, positive language, because if we can really get that into our cerebral cortex as a practice, whatever we put our attention on, we're gonna get more of. Mm-hmm.

Absolutely.

And whatever we put our attention on, we're gonna create in our lives. So I know that's not new to anybody here on the, on the line, because anybody that's listening to this knows the power of gratitude, knows the power of meditation, knows the power of visualization and affirmation. But the key is to do it and to live it and not deny the fact that we have a reptilian brain and an emotional brain. We can't deny that. We want to fall in love with our patterns and then bring ourselves home as quickly as possible. What are your thoughts?

Ah, wow. Actually, my thought is I am so grateful that we're having this interview. And this is more than I had hoped for. I'm very excited.

Aw.

Yay!

Well, I have a cool formula if you're interested in me sharing it. I actually didn't make it up, but I think it's so cool.

I am absolutely interested. Let's hear it.

Okay. So actually, you can research it online. It's created by a gentleman named Dick Beckhard.

Dick Beckhard?

Yeah, Beckhard. B-E-C-K-H-A-R-D.

Ah, okay.

Yeah. And he actually created this change formula observing organizations.

Mm-hmm.

But it applies to you and me.

Oh, cool.

And it's really cool and it's really simple. And I don't know about you, but I really like simplicity. I like when something can be boiled down in a really clean, clear way and then provide a great strategy to not only awaken my consciousness, but something that I can take into action immediately.

Well, absolutely. I mean, if you're in the midst of some kind of crisis or your mind You know, going all over the place. It's got to be simple so you can access it right away and use it.

Right, because the other part of the mind is that your conscious mind only has 4 plus or minus 1 chunks of attention.

Right.

So when we're in crisis state, when we're way below the line, when we're in the reptilian brain or the emotional brain and we're hijacked in that moment, we only have at maximum 4 chunks of attention. So if we're thinking of some long power spiritual list of things that we need to do to get ourselves out of the grave in this moment, it's not gonna happen. Right? But so, so if we can just think in terms of small chunks, and this is what Dick Beckhardt has created for us.

Okay.

And it's so cool. It's so cool. So if you have a pen, I encourage you to write this down.

I do. I'm ready. Okay.

Awesome. So the formula is a multiplication formula. And Dick says If you want to change, if you want to overcome your resistance to change, three things are needed. Okay. Okay. So D is the first thing, and I'll tell you what this means in a minute. D multiplied by, and then I encourage you to draw a really big V. Oh, okay. Really big because this is where the juice is.

Okay.

Mm-hmm. Multiplied by FS.

FS, okay.

Yeah, and then you remember in math the greater than sign?

Yes.

Okay, good. Yeah, so it must be greater than. My kids are young, so they haven't learned that yet, so I have to say, here's what greater than means, because I was actually just teaching them this formula the other day, so this is kind of cool. So D multiplied by V multiplied by FS must be greater than RC.

RC. Yeah. Okay.

So let's start with RC.

Wow. I can't even begin to fathom what this all is.

Well, this is so cool because it's simple, right? Only 3 things are needed to overcome RC, and RC is your resistance to change.

Ah, okay.

Okay. So that's the stuckness that we were talking about.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Now, this is why I am so grateful to do what I do because coaching helps these 3 things.

Mm-hmm.

It helps everything on the left side of the formula. And I'm so proud to stand for this work because it really sincerely, like after being involved in this work for a decade, it really, really helps people achieve these 3 things. Okay?

Mm-hmm.

So RC, as you know, is the resistance to change. That is your reptilian brain, your 100-million-year-old reptilian brain. Working very powerfully with your 50-million-year-old emotional brain that likes to keep things the same.

Yep, puts the brakes on.

Yes, exactly, puts the brake on. So we want to figure out how we can take our foot off the brake, right? We want to become unstuck. And according to Dick Beckhard, these 3 things are the key.

Mm-hmm.

So are you ready?

I'm ready.

Okay, let's talk about the Mm-hmm.

Yes.

The D stands for being dissatisfied with your current state.

Well, that makes sense, and I didn't figure that out on my own. Okay.

So this is the starting point, right? So when we are in stuck land, we're asking ourselves a lot of dysfunctional questions. You know, how come I'm always stuck? Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes? How come my life is so challenging? Why is it so hard for me to get what I want? Right? We're in this very dysfunctional questioning format. You know, how come I'm the only one who never accomplishes things? How come my friends are so much further ahead than me? Why do I feel so alone? You know, why is my passion so low? Why do I never have any time? You know, on and on and on and on. And there's certainly—

So, so, Rae, would you, would you connect this to a

Well, what do you think? Would you call that a victim state?

Kind of sounds like it to me.

Yeah. You know, I was talking earlier about, hey, Janine, remember to remind me to talk about the 4 Gremlin Doors. And the 4 Gremlin Doors are very powerful. I do want to talk about that as a system. If we don't have time today, you know, maybe another time. But it's really interesting because Gremlin Door number 2 is exactly that. It's victim identification where we're in this negative patterning around I am followed by a negative statement. So I am not smart enough. I am not good enough. I am, you know, not pretty enough or tall enough or educated enough or live in the right country or, you know, whatever it is, right? Nothing's right.

Nothing's right.

My whole life is a disaster. With the relationship of those negative questions, you know, how come I'm always stuck? That keeps us stuck because, as you know, whatever you put your attention on, you get more of.

Absolutely.

Right? So those I am statements are the power identity statements. So anything that you add to the words I am define your life. Mm-hmm. That's powerful, right? Anything you put behind the 2 words I am defines your life. And anytime you ask questions like the ones I was sharing earlier— I can't remember what I was saying, but, you know, why do I keep, you know, having the same mistakes over and over and over again? Why is it that I'm so stuck? You know, why is it so hard for me to create a life that I really, really love? And, and we're in that pattern. What happens What happens is these questions are auditory loops and the universe shows you examples of why that's happening for you because it's a literal attention-seeking question.

Mm-hmm.

When you say to yourself, why am I so stuck? The universe shows you why you're so stuck and you're attending to that stuckness, so you keep seeing all the ways that you're stuck. There's got to be a moment where you say, I am done with this shit. And the D comes into play. It's like, I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. You know, this is ridiculous. Okay? It is not good enough for me to be playing this game. And it— there's a moment, according to Dick Bäckhardt, where you kind of take your head out of the sand and you look up and you see the sunset and you see the beautiful people kissing on the street and you look down at your son or your daughter and you go, you know what? It's worth it for me to play full out. And these are those like defining moments. Now, some people have to hit rock bottom to actually have that moment. Okay? But my mentor, Dr. Marilyn Atkinson, would say hopefully that doesn't need to happen. Hopefully people will be divinely discontent sooner than later.

Oh, I like that. I like that.

Yeah. Isn't that a nice phrase? Divinely discontent. content, where, you know, you, you put on that extra 5 pounds and you go, you know what, this isn't good enough, I don't feel good in my body. Or, you know, your, your revenue stream is decreasing a little bit and you wake up and you go, that's not good enough, I want to take my kids to private school next year. So this is the moment of waking up. This is that moment where you say, it is time for me to take my life to the next I'm not gonna buy into this anymore. And Dick Beckhard says that is the perfect, beautiful moment because you get a checkmark for the D. You've got to have the dissatisfaction before you can go into the V.

Mm-hmm.

Does this make sense to you?

No, I'm totally with you. I love it, love it.

Okay, awesome. So when we're in the D, we're in that crash state that I was, I was talking about. We're contracted, we're reactive, we're, you know, in analysis paralysis around the negative I I am statements and the negative questions. We feel separate from the world. We're hurting or we're hating and we're just stuck. Okay?

Mm-hmm.

So in the moment, we wake up from that and, you know, sometimes it takes the help of a coach or a best friend or a lover or a child or your higher self finally shows up in a meditation. Mm-hmm. But something shakes the tree, right? And you go, whoa! And that's when the V can start to show up.

And V is?

V is the exciting part because I asked you to draw a really big V.

I did. I did.

V, yes, awesome. V is when you link into a value-based vision.

Mm-hmm. Got it.

A value— not just a vision, a value-based vision.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and there's, there's a moment. In fact, you know, actually, this reminds me of this really cool quote that I saw the other day. I'm gonna, I'm gonna pull this up. Martha Graham. She— do you know Martha Graham?

Oh, absolutely. Modern dance was my first degree.

Oh, I love it. I love it. Well, this quote is just so beautiful because it's like that moment where you You wake up and you go, you know what? I'm here on this planet. It doesn't have to be a prison. I can actually play full out and enjoy the magic like everyone else seems to be enjoying. It's like my moment. She just said this so perfectly, and I'd like to read it out.

Please do.

Yeah. She says, there— in fact, I'm going to switch it a little bit. She's talking about you, and I'm going to change her words to say I. Okay. So this is, this is going to be even more powerful, hopefully. So internalize this as I say it.

Mm-hmm.

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening energy that is translated through me into action. And because there is only one of me, In all of time, this expression is unique, and if I block it, I will never exist through any other medium, and my gift will be lost. The world will never have it, and it's not mine to determine how good it is, nor how it compares to others' expression. It is my business It is my business to keep the channel open.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

It is my business to keep the channel open. So when we move from the D to the V, it's like the channel starts to open. And usually it's just a little bit because many of us are caught at the gremlin door called fear of dreaming. Mm-hmm.

You know, this is—

this is the one that really gets in the way of our inspiration. But, if we can open that channel and we recognize, wow, there's something that I'm here to give that only I can give, it starts to become inspiring.

Mm-hmm.

And, Mary Morrissey actually has 2 questions that rock my world. I think she's an amazing genius on this planet. Of course, I know you know Mary's work, Jeanine. She's so cool. Because the 2 key questions that really open vision authentically is to ask for, number one, what is my longing?

Mm-hmm.

Okay. So, that's where you're moving from dissatisfaction into vision, right? A value-based vision. What am I longing? It's kind of like that bridge. What am I longing for? If I think of the conversation that you and I have had, can I just comment on you? Is that okay for a moment?

Sure.

I'm being bold here, but you and I had this beautiful conversation where you're saying, you know, the launch into the podcast was this beautiful bridge for you to reconnect to your community and for you to start to share all of the extraordinary knowledge you've been accumulating over the years and to tell your personal story of breakthrough.

Mm-hmm.

And so, Jeanine, as you and I have, have been talking, you have gone through this beautiful awareness of your longing. And, you know, if I'm recalling exactly what you said, there were a few things that led you to start this podcast. Number one is you wanted to reconnect with your community. You're connected to so many beautiful lightworkers on the planet and so many people that are so tapped in into so many different dimensions. You're like, I want to reconnect. And I also want to share all the knowledge that I have with the world, and I want I want to tell my own personal story of breakthrough. And so that led you to ask, what would I love to fill this longing?

Mm-hmm.

Now, you could have written a book, you know, you could have done a video series, you could have— I mean, you could have started live trainings, but you said, you know, I want to do a podcast.

Mm-hmm.

And so you're living this beautiful value-based vision. Now, this is only one part of your life. Of course, but you are awakening this beautiful gift called a podcast and you're willing to do whatever it takes to learn whatever technical challenges you need to get through because the vision is activated in you and you've been sharing it with your community. You've been sharing it on Facebook and people are saying, Janine, you're so awesome. Way to go, girl. And so this vision has become really big in your awareness. And That has led you to the next step, FS.

Aha, okay.

Okay, so this vision, let me just say a tiny bit more about the vision. The vision, of course, needs to be value-based. And may I ask you a direct question?

Sure.

Okay, what are the values you feel in yourself through living this podcast?

It's really, I think the one thing that really comes up for me is to be of service. That's something that's always been important to me. I've never been, I've never honestly, and I thought of this, I've never been motivated by finances. It doesn't mean it's not important to me or anything, but it's just, it's never been my motivation. I've always driven, is that a word? Striven? Strived to— Strived and driven, I

love it. Striven. That's awesome.

To do what I love and what's meaningful for me, and to, to do things that— like even playing my harp. I don't practice as much as I, I want to, but my, my goal is to take my lap harp, my small one, and to play in hospice settings, in long-term care settings. You know, it's not just

Wow. Yeah. Okay. So there were 3 main core values that I heard in what you said. May I share?

Yes, you may.

Okay. And then you can expand or please correct. But I heard the first one is the value-based vision. The value behind the vision of this podcast is service.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. And that service is one of love and one of meaning. In contribution to other people. Now, you didn't use the word contribution. I've kind of added it there, but how does that resonate with you?

No, it definitely works. It definitely works. And I know that contribution is a big— as I recall from when you were teaching me, that's a big word in your vocabulary that you use a lot. And yes, it works.

It's a synonym to service in some ways, but the words you used were service, love, and meaning.

Mm-hmm.

Now, when we get to accessing those core values, like when we move from dissatisfaction into vision, what's really cool about this shift, it's something that we're doing consciously or unconsciously, but what we do is we move ourselves from below the line to above the line.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So, it's really cool. Somehow, like some people do it through taking 3 deep breaths, some people do it through a visualization process, some people do it Some people do it through a great conversation with a coach or their best friend. Some people do it while they're reading something, but they— there's a shift that happens where you move from the crash state, contracting inside of yourself, reacting, analysis paralysis, separation, hating, hurting, you know, blah, blah, blah, that crash state that we know of, and you shift to what we call a coach state. And this is a very, very, very different place. Uh-huh. From our longing into what we would love to create our longing. And, and to access that, the coach state is also an acronym. And by the way, I give credit to Robert Dilts for these acronyms because he's one of my heroes. I love his body of work, logical levels, all of that. You know those— Yes.

Those beautiful dimensions.

He's the one that's come up with this, and I love it. I think it's a beautiful lens to look through. So when we move from crash Into COACH, here's what we're doing differently. The C is where we center ourselves, and that centering, especially in, in the gut, is, is where the power is, in that hara center.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. So to get into those core values and start to activate our vision, what we want to do is center ourselves. And then the O stands for opening the field of awareness.

Yeah,

isn't that beautiful? It is. I love it. Opening the field of awareness. And so when I heard you describing your process of moving into the podcast, the first word that you said was service and that it's always been important to you. And when you move into your field of awareness, we take our attention off of ourselves, you know, in all the ways that we're self-conscious or not good enough or, you know, who am I to do something like this into a field of awareness. And we say, you know, the service is much, much greater than my limited thinking about myself.

Mm-hmm. And I definitely went through all that. So yes.

Yeah, well, we all do. It's kind of, you know, these limiting beliefs that were created at a very young age. But when we can see the vision and we're inspired by the vision beyond those limiting beliefs, we're willing to move into action. Okay, so when we open the field of awareness And then the A in the COACH acronym is attending to what's going on within you and around you with mindfulness. Isn't that cool?

Yep, I like it.

It's like you start to attend. Now I'm thinking about the conversation I had with you, Janine, and you said you were— I can't remember the exact details, but you said you were out and about and that there was a number of people that kept bringing up the same topic. Can you remind— this is before you started your podcast and you went out one day and there was— what is it that they were asking you for help with?

Are you talking about the thyroid? I think you're talking about the thyroid issues.

Yes! That I—

it was like I had become a magnet for people with thyroid issues and that's been my big issue since 2001 and helping people and I thought, you know, people just need— they really need more information so that they can take more control of their health.

Right. And that was part of the catalyst for thinking about the podcast. Am I remembering that correctly?

Absolutely, yes.

Yeah. See, isn't that cool? So when you— so the C is centering, O is opening, A is attending. You attended to what was going on mindfully, and in that moment it started to go, hey, something's happening here. And then the C in coach— this is really cool because your story is actually Mapping across to this. The C is when you connect to yourself and to the larger system that you're here to contribute to.

Okay.

So that's what you did. You connected to yourself and then you said, hey, there's a calling, there's a need for this, and I can be of service. So that C became active. And then the H— this is the full COACH acronym— H is Holding that larger space of awareness. So holding what is happening from a state of resourcefulness and curiosity.

Mm-hmm.

So as you were holding that with awareness and curiosity and resourcefulness, you said, hey, I could do this. I could launch a podcast. I know lots of really cool people. I'm connected. I've got, you know, that would meet a need for me. You know, I would be able to really connect with a lot of people and I'd be able to get a lot of information out there. And so you moved yourself into this beautiful coach state, which activated the big V, and that's what had you move into step 3.

Mm-hmm. Wow.

Okay, tell me, tell me your thoughts. What's happening here?

It's so funny because honestly what I'm thinking is, wow, I'm getting a great coaching session.

I'm just telling you how great you are. Like, Jeanine, don't you see how you did this inside of yourself? It's fun, isn't it?

It is. It's awesome. I'm like, wow. Yeah, it's, it's so true. I mean, I'm happy to give myself up as an example. It's great.

Well, it's a beautiful example because you're doing something not for money. You're doing something to be in service and to really truly Share the love and the meaning of this life and your life and connect with others to do the same. So, I mean, it's a beautiful story. And then that moved you into the FS.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so you overcame any dissatisfaction that you had, which moved you into a vision, a value-based vision, and then you were able to move into FS.

Mm-hmm.

And FS, very simply, Is your first step.

Step. I knew as soon as you said first, I knew it. First step.

So what was your very first step that started the podcast in motion? I'm so curious.

Um, I went online and I started researching what it takes to put a podcast together. I started listening to— there are quite a few people who have free lessons online of you know, what the steps are and what's important in creating a podcast. And so I did as much of that as I could, and I bought my equipment.

Okay, so then you made a commitment, right?

Yes, I did, because I spent a lot of money on equipment. Really, all I've been doing is spending money and, and, you know, taking a lot of time and energy to do this. It's definitely not about finances.

Okay, well, what's really cool is that You know, just noticing the energy in your voice. I mean, this isn't something that you're like, oh God, what have I gotten myself into? Right? You may have had a few of those moments.

Yes.

But it's the big V of service and the big V of love and the big V of meaning that is fueling you.

Absolutely. Yes.

And, and moment to moment, you can easily get yourself into crash state. Mm-hmm. Like, you know, even a few times in this— in this podcast as we've been recording it, we've got to stop and, you know, the Skype line is a little garbled or what's— whatever is going on. It's— it's a metaphor for the larger experience of life. You know, there's always going to be these little hiccups and your focus isn't like, oh, how do I overcome this? Your focus is— is becoming the enlightened one that can continue to carry the vision forward and that overcomes any resistance or any belief that you used to have around not being a techie Or not being someone who had a beautiful voice for podcasts, or not being, not being, not being, whatever. And I'm not saying you were thinking those things. No, actually, I won't.

No, I was actually. No, you're reading my mind, dear.

Well, you know, it's very interesting. Most humans have quite a similar storyline. You know, our stuck spots are similar in nature to one another. And so, you know, this is why we're here to serve each other. So what's neat about this formula is really activating that V, and there's so many extraordinarily powerful ways to activate it. And, you know, having been a coach and having received coaching from— oh my gosh, I don't know how many people, like, and I'm just a lifelong learner. I'm going always to as many trainings as I possibly can and getting as much coaching as I possibly can and doing as many visualizations as I can, you know. All of that keeps activating the V and we can go to the next level. So, Janine, how about we stop here and then move into part 3 where we actually give tangible, actionable tools that people can use right away? I call these freedom tools. So would that be okay with you? Is that a good idea? Oh, that sounds great. I think that is a perfect idea. So I'll see you— actually, it's going to be part 2 instead of part 3. I ended up combining parts 1 and 2. So I'll see you in part 2. Awesome.

That's the end of our show. Thanks for listening. There were a lot of good ideas that you can apply to your life right now. I hope you took some notes and will take action. Keeping It Real comes out every 2 weeks, so be sure to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher so you don't miss a beat. You can listen or download episodes from our website realjanine.com, email at realjanine@gmail.com, or tweet @RealJanine. To use Facebook, go to Real Janine and leave comments there. You will get notices of new episodes if you follow. And remember, Janine is spelled J-A-N-E-A-N.