Empowered Communication with Raele Altano: Navigating Conversations and Relationships with Kindness, Class, and Confidence

Welcome to Mother Up. I'm Gianna Dimidio Simon.

And I'm Casey McDonnell Hosmer. And we are moms who absolutely love our new roles in life.

But man, were we not prepared for some of the fine print in the job description.

This motherhood thing is hard, especially balancing being a mom while still trying to be you.

We find it crazy that after only a six week consult with your doc, you're basically hung out to dry and have to figure out this tiny human and this new version of you practically alone.

There are many demands for taking care of a baby, but taking care of yourself is essential and sometimes falls by the wayside. We want a connection with our children and our partner that doesn't come at the cost of the relationships with our own selves.

So you may be feeling down, but we're here to help you. Mother up because no one's tougher than a mother.

We're using our firsthand experiences and our connections to experts across the country to bring you ways to feel confident, beautiful, and still vulnerable.

And listen, we're new to the game, so we'll be learning right along with you. Pour that coffee or mimosa, we won't tell.

It's time to mother her up. Gianna, you finally got your hair done.

I did, thank you. I'm scared of where this is going.

I see you went in and got your hair colored finally.

Oh, thanks.

You curled your hair today.

Wow, must be a special day, huh? How do you get my. How do you wrap it together?

Yeah, your kids are old enough. They're napping now. You should look like this every day.

Right? Right. I just hear a big backhanded compliments coming up.

So how do you navigate that? I mean, there's always the narcissist in your life. There's the person who's tone deaf, there's the person who means well but has really awkward poor delivery, or the person.

Who just doesn't understand motherhood because they A, haven't been through it or B, went through it 30, 40 years ago and they don't know how it affects people now or just even remember some of the things. But also, I think that we as mothers, I just like deal with so many things in our life and a relationship, our friendships, our children that we really like pick and choose our battles. So there's some conversations that we just sweep under the rug and we don't have because we don't want to have conflict, we don't want to have confrontation. And that is not good because you are holding onto so much stress and so much unnecessary angst. So we have a fabulous expert here today that is going to tell us how we can have all of these conversations with good communication. Raelle, welcome to Mother Up.

Thank you. Thank you both so much for having me. It's good to be here.

We're excited. I've stalked you on Instagram and I was like, we have to have her on the podcast because you have figured out you've cracked the code. You're a coach in this sphere. Um, to navigate awkward, uncomfortable, pigeonholed conversations with grace and poise and tact and kind of slither your way out of them. And also set a boundary of like, I'm not going there, but thank you so much. Let's move on.

Yeah. And helping women be able to articulate and, like, feel empowered and have just have confidence in themselves, which I think is so important and amazing. And we obviously wanted to bring that to our audience. We posted about having you on the show and so many different people DM'd, and we're like, oh, my God, follow her. I'm so excited. I can't wait for this conversation. Yeah. So tell us how you got into this space for the communication and confidence coach and. And a little bit about yourself.

Yes. Yes, definitely. So my professional background was marketing and events, and I, you know, 2020 rolled around. I had just gotten married. Covid hadn't happened yet. I was on my honeymoon and I was like, you know, I. I love what I do, but what else? What else is out there? I really loved always helping people, connecting with new people. And I found coaching as a potential career opportunity. And it was like a happy medium between nothing and therapy, full transparency. I didn't want to go back to school to become a therapist. And I liked that coaching was more action oriented. So in 2020, once Covid hit quarantine, all of that, I had the time to really get my coaching certific. And you don't need a certification to be a coach, but it was something that was important to me and I started a little bit more broadly, just like life and confidence coaching. But I kept touching on communication. I kept coming back to that pillar and that content topic. And I realized that niching down a little bit, like, my end goal would be the same where I'm empowering women, helping them feel confident, but the way I go about it is just a little bit different. And none of us ever really, like, get a proper education on how to communicate. Right. Like, we just pick things up from our parents. What we saw growing up. Yeah. Experience what we think is right to say in the moment, or we go based off of our moods and, like, our emotional state of being and.

And who you're around at that point in time, who you're comfortable with. I would say something different to Gianna than I would to you if I.

Didn'T know you 100%. 100%. So I felt like it's an important area. And especially, you know, it's not just about boundaries and advocating for yourself, even just helping clients socialize better or feel more comfortable in social settings where they don't know many people. And you. You might be a little bit more introverted, but if you have certain tools to talk to anyone, you can make connections that you wouldn't have necessarily made. So it's like, about feeling confident, just putting yourself out there, starting a conversation, even if it goes. Even. Even if it goes nowhere, if someone isn't feeling your vibe for whatever reason, no big deal. You are equipped with tools to initiate that and connect with people on a different level, which I feel like we're sometimes losing just with.

Well, we were losing it, and then we really lost it during COVID and now we're suffering the consequences. Do you do dating coaching ever, or has anybody approached you for that?

Great question.

I don't like to advertise myself as a dating coach or push that, because, to be honest, I haven't dated that much. I.

But to your point of breaking down those barriers so that maybe, like, a guy as an introvert or a girl is an introvert, it's like, you are an amazing person, but you just need to shed that first layer and initiate the dialogue to get comfortable. It's just an interesting. It just made me think of that.

It's true.

You're probably all communication coaches, family relationships. In our 20s, when we sat around a room full of girls analyzing a text message that one of the guys sent to the girl. I mean, didn't we all do this at some point?

Or we were getting live updates at our desk at work.

Right.

Because we were all working. Absolutely.

I mean, you and I clearly did.

This often, but, like, I have so many screen. Out of 80,000 pictures on my phone, there's probably like 40,000 screenshots of conversations.

We, I think, are so much better analyzing somebody else's situation. Right. Than we are our own. So that's why it is so nice having somebody like you that can come in as a third party to a situation and say, okay, okay, let's talk about this for A second, how should this go, especially for moms, especially with like family dynamics between partners, then? So like, not only is it one layer of your partner and then your partner's family and then just, just all of this. It can be so complex. How can a mom confidently express their needs and boundaries appropriately when they are experiencing a lot in their life as like becoming a new mom for the first time, but with kindness and clarity? And again, like that confidence that you really try to drive home.

Yes, yes. It, it's not easy. And one thing that I really tried to convey in my content and working with clients is that everything sounds great when you're just talking about abstract ideas, but when you're really in the moment and you, you know, you really put yourself in those shoes, it's not that easy. So I try to share as much as possible that's realistic. Like, let's not just talk about like these, these glam or like glamorized hypothetical situations. Let's be as real.

That's the, that's the monologue that you come up with in the shower that you're going to serve to whoever it is you're serving, and then you forget everything and just. And the situation.

Yeah, yeah, totally. So a few ways that moms can confidently express their needs, their boundaries, a. From experience and also just what. What translates in the best way to the other party and doesn't necessarily trigger a defensive response. Number one is to recognize that when you're stressed or tired or when the other person, if another parent is super stressed tired, that really makes it difficult to communicate in a healthy way. So just consider the environment first and foremost. If you're exhausted, is it really the best time to bring up like, what the plans for the weekend are going to be or that you need to do this errand and is that the right time or can it wait even just asking or saying like, hey, I want to bring this up, but I'm super tired, let's table it for the next day. Or let's, let's table it and talk about it in a few hours almost to provide a buffer. But acknowledge that this is something that you'd like to discuss. Just being aware of the fact that stress, fatigue, just different layers in life can make it difficult to communicate in a healthy way. And being aware of that is just a big first step. Second thing is to, with that said, not wait too long because that's when the resentment will build. And there are ways to. And the more resentment there is, then the harder it gets, the more frustrated you get. And it's just this chain reaction of not being able to express yourself but then being upset that nothing is changing.

Are you presenting something at like level 10 and somebody's like, whoa, I thought, I thought we were only on level three here. Like, why are you. And they're like, well, yeah, I was actually been holding this in for a month. And like, well, that's not my fault.

Well, passive aggression. Yeah, that's a big thing and you don't want to call it that, but yeah, I mean, it gets to that point if you don't let it out.

Exactly, exactly. So how to do it effectively? Right. First thing I would say is use I statements as much as possible. I need, I feel I would really appreciate, even if it sometimes sounds a little bit like too soft when you're speaking to your husband or your mom or a mother in law. It's a direct way to say what you want to say. But yeah, it might be a softer approach, but why not? These are your loved ones and the people who are around.

Let me ask you something on that. When I'm in a conversation with my husband and I really am passionate about something and I say, I really think I stop myself because I'm like, no, I don't think I know. Or I think I think sometimes gets a little too gray, a little too wishy washy. So is that necessarily something you say, don't say, if you really feel strongly about something.

I'm personally, I'm not opposed to that being an option. I hear what you're saying, though. I think it depends on where.

I think this would be a really good option for our family as opposed to, like, I know our family would really thrive in this situation.

Right.

I think they're very different statements.

I know is a good one too. Or I feel, I really feel that we would do best in this environment, this situation. I feel strongly or I really believe, like there's ways of still and there's nothing wrong with. I think there's nothing wrong with. I know, but starting it with the I instead of you or, you know, you never see things this way or you did this and that's why this is why I'm feeling like it's. That triggers that defensive response and makes someone shut down way too soon. Versus like you saying, I need this in order to feel replenished or I need a day, a day off or I need a few hours where I'm doing my own thing in the afternoon. It puts your need at the forefront. Like, and what's the end result, like, what is it that you need in order to benefit and be okay and move forward with that confidence?

And women get nervous to say that to their husbands because, like, at their core, men want to provide and men want to protect. And I think sometimes we sell them short on that, and we think we have to do this big song and dance for them to get on the same page. But I. I think what you're saying is, if we serve up our needs on a platter and say, this is what I need. This is what I think is best for us, can you do it? Maybe there's that aspect to it that really goes a lot further than women think.

Probably. Probably. And sometimes, you know, we've. It's easy to forget that people aren't mind readers. So it's like you. You hope that someone will just know what to do without you asking. And that might be nice for some things, but some. Sometimes it's not. It's just not the case. And why waste that time? It's fantasyland.

Yeah.

Create that. Yeah. Like, coming out with it and saying, like, you know, you may not. Or it may not have been apparent before. I just realized this too, but this is what I need, or I really would like to see this happen moving forward. Clarifying the want, the need, the end result is major.

How would you recommend somebody bring this to their partner? Um, we talked about boundaries a little bit. I think we'll go back to that. But, like, in this. We've talked about the book Fair Play before. Have you heard about that?

I have not, no.

Okay. So it's basically just like this concept of there being an appropriate. I don't wanna say equal division, because that doesn't work for every household, but an appropriate division of tasks and responsibilities, basically. So what are some ways that you think a woman could bring this to her partner to say, hey, I'm feeling a lot of disruption in the way that this house is running right now or the way that we're collaborating with the kids and our life. And how can we find some common ground and a little bit of equality in our roles here as partners and teammates in parenting?

Great question. I mean, the way you phrased it just now is so well said already.

Thanks.

Here, I'll put it in a different perspective. So I hate asking for help, and I hate, you know, I think, like, oh, my husband provided so much. Like, there's a stack of waters outside, and I'd love for him to bring them inside. And he usually does, like, on his own time, but I'D love if he brought all 20 boxes of waters inside and stacked them up. And I get a sense sometimes where I'm like, I feel bad asking him to do this. He knows that that's his role. Garbage, you know, trash, taking it out, boxes, everything like that. How do I ask him to do it right now without seeming like the itch?

Right, right.

Because we've seen the memes where it's like, I asked my husband to take the trash out. 30 seconds later, I'm, like, making all this noise and, like, opening a trash bag and taking it.

I'm going to do it. I'll just do it myself.

Sometimes it's acknowledging the obvious, and this is another thing I talk about with my clients, Acknowledge the obvious. Where it's like, you can say, look, I know you know to do this already, but do you mind just doing it now and we can just get it over with? I would really appreciate that. Like, letting him know that you know, you know that he knows. And it's. It's. You're on the same page. You're not trying to patronize him in any way, but it's like, you would just. I would just prefer that it's done now so it's just out of our way. If you could just handle it in the next few minutes, I would so appreciate that. Like, adding that little extra, like, thank you. Like, that helps a lot. Or that would be so helpful.

Yeah, that's kind of like adding that little thing to it.

I.

One of your reels I really liked on Social about how, like, if somebody. I forget what the exact scenario was, but you saying, like, I'm sure you've thought of this already, but did you think about going to the doctor or did you think about. It's like, you're not trying to assert yourself as that, you know more.

Right.

That or you're doing it better than.

The other person and you don't do this and you don't go, yeah. And then you complain that you're like.

I'm sure you were thinking about doing it later, but do you mind just taking the trash out now so we can just like, kind of get this out of the way, Like, Exactly. It's saying to them, like, I acknowledge that you were going to do it even if they weren't, but, like, giving them the benefit of the doubt pretty much.

Right.

In this case.

So it's like, he knows. He knows it's his task, more or less. Right. But it's just a matter of when. And you're acknowledging the obvious that, like, you know, he knows, but. Yeah. Can you just handle it? And it's like, when you approach it from that space of, like, if you could just do it now versus a few hours from now, it would just be super helpful. Okay, sure. Like, it. Just the. The willingness to do it is. It shifts a little bit and it's. It's more like, all right, yeah, no problem. Because. Right.

Because they don't have to be on defense mode.

Right. Exactly.

Yeah.

What is one thing that is. As a communication coach, what's one thing that you and your husband, if you feel comfortable sharing this. Still struggle with in the communication sector?

Sure, sure. Great question.

Like, you are the sensei. Like, you know all the. You are the knower of all.

But it's tough sometimes. It's. It's hard when you're tired or when you feel like you've repeated yourself a few times on things. It's hard to keep that cool. And then it's even harder when I have this profession or I'm in this field, and it's like, oh, I didn't. I didn't approach that as well as I could have. Or what I said was me, like, straight up.

That is a big piece is acknowledging when you are wrong.

And.

Yeah, I shouldn't have done that.

You're right. Yep, yep, yep. Like, sometimes I catch myself now more than ever, if, like, I say something that just isn't helpful, I'll say, like, you know, that was. That wasn't necessary. I'm sorry. Like, right away so that it's, like, done.

That's so important.

Yeah.

That's been something that we have in our marriage. Not because I brought it, I'll tell you that much, but because my husband was really like that, that he would come to me and be like, hey, I don't like the way that I spoke to you earlier. That wasn't nice of me to. To have attitude or to snap at you about that. And I'm really sorry.

Yeah.

And that's. It's. I was like, what? Oh, okay. That's an option to. To say that to somebody you love. And it's true. And. And I think it's a. It's a great thing to have in a relationship or. Or a friendship. Yeah.

100. And one more thing to add to that is that you start to hopefully lead by example. Like, there have been cases where I have said things with I statements and, like, I'd appreciate. Or I feel demeaned when this happens or when you don't hear Me in this way, whatever. And it sets the example for them to hopefully act in that way too.

Like recently, I'm the example.

Yeah.

Because my husband did it and he trained me very nicely. So yes, it's, it's, it's possible I.

Need to get better at helpful things, like not adding like unhelpful things because I just word vomit and I think.

What, like a little jab at the end of something?

No. Like even if it's like, oh, this person said this about this and he's like that, like that just ticks me off and I'm like, oh, in my mind, like I'm a girl. Like, I want to know everything everyone says so that I know who everyone around me is. And he's like, that just doesn't, it doesn't help me. So he's different in that sense of like.

Right.

I want to know all the people in my circle, like what they actually are thinking about me, which is just too much for some people. I want to know what the number one question or situation or point of contact is that people want help navigating.

Great question. It's number one, I would say it is advocating for yourself, like setting boundaries in a way where that aligns with their personality, where they feel, they don't.

Feel, but with who? Is it with parents? Is it with husbands, spouses, friends?

In laws for sure. In laws for sure. But then also a lot of boundaries at work. A lot of boundaries, like in the professional space. A lot of boundary setting that helps, that doesn't make someone feel bad for setting those boundaries. I mean it's, it's wild.

So give us an example, like, give us one example of like what the situation is and what you would say.

Sure. So let's say a boundary with a mother in law who's like, you know, I want to come over and visit every opportunity that I get, every, every day, every weekend. And that's even trickier because there's the added layer of. That's not like your direct family. Right. Like, you need to, you can't necessarily speak to them the way you would speak to your own mom. Like it's, there's just more layers to it there. So it's like, how do you set a boundary that is aligned with like your personality but then doesn't rock the boat, doesn't burn any bridges. You're not ruining the foundation of the relationship in some way. So what I would suggest there is to not even, like a lot of people say, well, have the, have the husband speak to his mom or have the partner speak to their mom. And to me, I feel like, why not address it a little bit more head on? Like, why not approach it from a. From a closer standpoint and say, like, okay, you know, I would love to have you over every day, every week, but these are our plans. How about we find a compromise? Let's find a space where it will work for both of us, where you're setting that boundary, but you're also offering an alternative for them, too. You're. You're meeting them halfway, shutting them out. You're not shutting them out. You're meeting them halfway and you're saying, okay, this is what actually works for us. And I know you love seeing your grandkids, and I totally get it, like, coming from a place of understanding, empathy. But this is our schedule. It's really tough for us to come visit you often. Why don't we find a happy medium? Like, why don't we coordinate weekends or certain weeks where meeting will or you coming over, us going to you.

Will you pick up Sally from soccer practice and you can take her to your house for dinner and then finish her homework and bring her back or something like that?

Yes. Yes. Like, finding that happy medium, that compromise in a way that feels good to the person who's doing it. Like, it aligns with their personality and their. So they're not feeling like they're too harsh. They're not feeling like they're being rude or bitchy. Like, you know, it's. It's. You're setting a boundary in a healthy way, but in a way that makes sense for you and you feel confident and good about.

Talk about boundaries at work. Is that something that you feel has been really blurred because of COVID Uh.

What do you think? I mean, I. It's.

I hear a lot of people that are like, I need you available. Like, I think the work from home made people available after hours so much. And now there is such a pressure, especially from bosses. Like, are you not committed to this job? Like, I really just need you available. Like, some days are going to be longer than others.

Right.

Or like, I can't believe you took vacation. Someone I know is dealing with this at work right now, and they switched positions and they were like, I don't know that you should have taken vacation that soon.

Wow.

So it's stuff like that, right?

A little bit. And that's. That's about also managing their expectations and asking Clara, asking clarifying questions. I think asking questions in general in communication is so helpful. We think Sometimes a response requires like a clapback or a boundary or like a statement. Sometimes it's a question. It's like, well, what is expected of me? What are my. What hours am I expected to be logging on? Or until when am I expected to be checking my email? That is outside of normal business hours. So is this the norm for the company? Or, you know, if we end later, do we start later? Like, asking those questions is another way of advocating for yourself and setting at least getting closer to setting a boundary or getting. Finding a compromise, being like, okay, well, if you need me to be logged on until 10pm, what. What would be the case for when I log back on the next day, day? What is the expectation? And then you can make your move from there. If you really feel like there's no flexibility, it's like, then it might be time to find a new role or a new position. But at least you're asking the question to put a feeler out there and like, advocate for yourself. Speak up and be like, well, what is even considered normal here?

The idea of the, the expectation is such a good point because that's like coming out in front and setting that. And so even I, I like this a lot with, like, we're talking about motherhood, even with the babies of like, okay, somebody's coming into town. What is, what is your expectation of how often you're gonna see the baby or you're gonna see the kids? Let's just get on the same page now because I don't wanna disappoint you if you are expecting to see them every single day and you can't.

I have a specific thing that I've heard from people before. I have a specific instance. You have a new baby. You're freaked out because it's cold and flu season and it's your first baby and they don't have all their shots yet and everybody wants a piece of them. And somebody said it online, and I think it is. There are two types of people. There is one person who's like, you haven't met the baby yet. Well, the baby's not going to remember you meeting them. I'm just going to burst your bubble all over the place. So there's those people who guilt you into, like, coming to meet the baby, like, kiss the ring. And then there are the people that are like, this is our time. We're protecting our space, we're bonding with the baby. I'm healing, by the way, because I went through a giant medical trauma. Thank you for asking. I'm Doing fine as I pass a clot. But it's. I'm not wrong. What do you tell somebody when people want to come? They want to be all over. Come to your house. They want to be all over your space and in your home and around your baby. They want to kiss your baby. Like, those instances where you're like, we don't want any visitors right now, but then you're going to get backlash.

Right, right, right, right. Come from a place of understanding. Again, like, I get it. You really want to see the baby. Like, you really want to meet the baby. I appreciate your interest and your care and eagerness.

So acknowledge the. Acknowledge where you hope they're coming from. You hope that it's not a selfish desire to come and invade your space. So acknowledge where you hope they're coming from.

Right. And you will know if it's selfish if they have an issue with the boundary. Like, the ones who have. Who push back on boundaries are the people that need them the most. And that's when you know that, oh, this hasn't. This is actually nothing to do with, like, good intentions. This is about them wanting to, you know, interject and place themselves in my life during this very vulnerable time and make it all about them. But acknowledge that, like, you know, they're hopefully good intent from there, put the perspective on from. Or show the perspective from the most vulnerable person in the room, which is the baby, the mom as well. But sometimes, unfortunately, and it's not right, but that does take a backseat for whatever reason. It's like, oh, you're fine. It's all good, even though you're not fine, like you just said. But who's the most vulnerable person in that room? The most, like, defenseless is the baby. And be like, you know, they really. Their immune systems are just so fragile right now. And I'd like to wait a few more, almost. Sorry, back up. I'll say I'd like to wait a few more months or weeks before we have more visitors.

I could just typing this, like, transcribing this into their notes as you're saying this.

Instead of it coming from a place of lack where it's like, now's not a good time. It can come from a place of abundance still, but just like, it's just a little bit later. So you can say, like, the baby's really fragile right now. We'd like to give him or her a little bit more time before we have more visitors. So it's like.

And it's almost hard, though, because, like, for me I'm at a place where if somebody said that, you know, if it was one of my friends or one of my aunts or somebody, even my sister, I'd be like, I'm really not in a good mental space right now. Like, my husband and I are navigating this new chapter of our life. We need some time to figure it out. Like, the baby is. Is. You know, I'm trying to navigate breastfeeding. Like, it's just a lot right now. And I think your intentions are amazing, but we need a minute. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But that just goes back to how much are you willing to share and who is the audience.

Right, right. And you don't necessarily have to share all of that. That's another thing that I. I try to encourage followers and clients that, like, just because you're saying no and setting a boundary, you don't need to now over share and over accept.

Yes.

Because you feel guilty. Like, you owe somebody an explanation.

Right.

You don't.

I have learned that as I've gotten older. It's like the explanation is almost a privilege. I don't really need to give you the full story. Like, I'm allowed to just say no, or I'm allowed to just say, that doesn't work right now.

Right. It doesn't mean that it won't work forever. It just doesn't work right now. And, well, what do you tell a.

Client who does feel guilt? You know, what do you tell a client who does tell Aunt Joan? You know, it's not a good time right now, but they are feeling this insane amount of pressure.

So if I can interject, that's what I started to say in the beginning where I really liked Rael, what you said about expectation. Because that's sometimes how I alleviate the guilt for myself, because myself is telling me they're going to want to come over. They're going to want to be around the baby. They're going to expect to be here every day. They're going to upset. Get upset if I don't let them hold the baby. But instead, if I kind of do this, like, you know, preemptive attack and say, what's your expectation for this visit? And they say, oh, I just wanted to pop in. I have a gift. I just want to drop it off for you. If I get to see the baby, great. If not, totally understand, and we'll do it the next time I'm around.

Right.

Then I'm like, oh, okay. All these scenarios that I had just built up in my head are actually entirely different. And now this is much more manageable.

Okay, but what if it's not? What if that's Aunt Joan and Aunt Judy says, I'm going to come and I'm going to wash your husband's underwear and I'm going to come and bake you casserole and I'm going to mop the floors and I'm going to wear the baby while I'm doing it and you're going to take a nap and you're like, I, Judy, I can't do this. Like, and then if you tell Judy she can't come, she's going to go to your husband Billy and say, I can't deal with your wife. She's so ungrateful. I don't know how you're married to her. Like, what if you fear that repercussion from Aunt Judy, not Aunt Joan?

Right. And I mean, that's an extreme where you would hope that your husband's advocating for you, like, take it easy. But they, they might. And it's part of building that inner confidence where someone at that point, it's out of your control. And that is a, this is a hard area.

That's the hard thing to let go.

Yeah. It takes time. It's a work in progress. But I really feel like confidence is a muscle. Setting boundaries is a muscle. The more you do it, the better you get. And the, it's not that you become cold or heartless about it, but you become more self assured and the easier it gets to set those boundaries in a clear and articulate way. And again, finding the alternatives, like Aunt Judy, it's, it's really, it's not a good time right now. At that point, you can come from a place of lack and say it's, it's not a. I appreciate you, but it's not a good time right now. I will, I promise I will reach out when I'm ready.

I have a really dumb analogy. Yeah, but like, you know when you go to a new restaurant or like a new plate, like a, like a fast casual restaurant and there's like a bunch of screens or there and there's like people running around and you're like, okay, wait, how does the process here actually work? Am I supposed to order here and then I go pick up over here?

But it stems from Pats and Gino's. That's where you're, that's where your inner child had this anxiety. I hope you know this, but keep going.

It's it's anxiety. Like you don't really know, but when you do it like two or three times, you're like, oh, this is so easy. I know exactly how to like navigate this. So I think that's what you're trying to say is like, once you start having these conversations, they're probably so nerve wracking in the beginning, but you will really see communication is so key to so many different relationships. Once you see the fruits of the labor, you're going to be like, okay, I'm navigating this. I know exactly what to do. I walk up to this counter, I say this to this person, I type this into here.

People.

Yeah.

And then I pick up my order down at the end.

Yeah, right? Yeah, yeah. You, you learn the process. You get better at it as you go and you find.

And what works for each person.

Yeah, yes, exactly. What works for each person? Each circumstance. Okay, you know, how about this date instead? Or how about we go out to lunch? I'd love to get some fresh air, get out of the house. If for whatever reason you don't want them coming over, seeing the mess at your house, whatever it might be, finding those alternatives that make sense for you, you set the boundary, but you're not burning a bridge or you're not feeling guilty about altering the plan or pivoting from their original pushiness.

Yeah.

People pleasing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I want to transition into talking about the service industry. I am bringing this up from experience. I've had several friends come to me recently that have had bad experiences with service people. Whether it like a handyman or one friend had a terrible experience with a hairstylist and you just like don't want to rock the boat and you're like, okay, fine, but like, I love you. Yes. And I shouldn't have paid for this service because of the way they treated me or they did it completely wrong. How can people handle those situations?

Been there. We've all been there. And yeah, you know, you want to also approach it from a place of sensitivity. You know that people in the service, customer service space, like so many of them work so hard and sometimes things are out of their hands. So I think a trying to give the benefit of the doubt. Not at your expense though. Like if you. And I'll. I'll actually bring up an example that I had. My husband and I were in Florida last July and there was this not great instance with or experience with dining. Right. Like the food took forever. We had to catch a flight. So there was like a sense of urgency There. And the bill came and it was just as is. And I felt like. Or something got messed up on the bill too. And at that point I felt like, okay, I think I should speak to a manager. So I recommend escalating where you can. Staying calm in the moment and just because you're escalating something again. Yeah. Could someone be like, oh, you're being a quote unquote Karen, which I think is just such a, like, horrible stereotype on that name to begin with. Yes, but someone could say that, but maybe that person isn't even equipped to give you the solution that you need. So you asking for a manager or asking to just talk to someone who's in charge.

Right.

Is a way to deviate from dealing with the person who maybe caused the issue to begin with and can allow you the space. And if they're, you know, if they're a good leader, a good manager, they should allow you as the customer to share what took place. And you could always say, like, I'm not sure if so. And so was having a bad day or I'm not sure what went on. I don't know. You know, this isn't their fault, but this and this. Or maybe it was their fault. Whatever. You can always use a term in there that's like you're giving the benefit of the doubt still. Like, you know, maybe something is going on. Not sure. But this. I wasn't pleased with this service or I was expecting more from this. Again, back to the expectations. Back to.

Sometimes even an email helps. Like if it's a customer service thing and not a restaurant thing, like an email sometimes helps a little bit more because for me, like, being a people pleaser and not wanting to be confrontational, maybe that's a little bit better. I would probably still include like a thousand exclamation marks.

Yeah.

Just to be safe.

Yeah. I mean, I just. The situation I'm thinking of is a. As a friend of mine had a hair appointment and the person showed up an hour and a half late and she was like, oh, I forgot. And the, the, like the salon owner.

Didn'T, and she had to get a sitter. She has kids.

Made no concessions. Yeah. And so she has kids. She had to get a sitter. She's paying for this person, for her to be there who clearly spending a lot of money. And they just. The way they handle it, like, they just didn't. And, And I just think of, like, all moms that are in this situation of like, I'm trying to get a break. I'M trying to do something nice for myself. I'm trying to feel good about myself. And now there's just another port part of stress brought on to it.

And then Murphy's Law just kicks in.

Yeah.

Yeah. And, like, is that our job to, like, fix this place of doing that? No, but I think it is, like, to say, like, hey, I really didn't appreciate that I was treated this way. And you need to kind of look at your culture of a salon and say, why did we think that's okay? And, like, other. We can't treat other women and other moms that way.

Like, I get that you're an artist, but I need you to be a punctual artist.

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, you know, having a client wait, like, coming at it. Another. Another tip here is, like, sometimes speaking about things from a third, third person objective, like, taking yourself out of it, making it a little less personal, where you're like, you know, treating a. Having a client wait over an hour and a half to get their hair done wouldn't be acceptable anywhere. So you're not even saying, like, having me wait, like, even though that's. Alex, that's totally legit. But taking. Taking yourself out of it and being like, think about it. Like, is this acceptable in. In any business or any smart hair salon anywhere? No.

And here's what I think. I don't think it's. Like I said, you're not gonna be like, it's not gonna reverse what happened to you. It's not that you need to take on the pressure of fixing the way that they behave for everybody else. I think it just really helps you, like, release that. Because otherwise. And this is what happened, you know, she came to me. She's upset. She's. And. And it's like, it carries on for way longer than it needs to. I've done it too. Where I sit there, I'm like, I should have said something. Why?

It happens in the nail.

I wish I should say something.

Yes, My nails. Like, my nails are. I did a. I always did stories called nail fills where, like, one finger's crooked or, like, there's bumps or there's a hair or they don't paint the whole nail. So I think that goes back to that. And it's like, you. A lot of times I tell myself, it's not worth it. Just move on. I have so much else to do in my day. I don't have the time to sit here and fight with the manager for 15 minutes. Like, I have to go.

But is it not Worth it. If you are now taking the time to put stories on your Instagram. You're complaining about it to Eric, you're complaining about it to your mom. It's now taken over a day of your time, as opposed to 15 minutes where you just talk to the manager.

But I just want my nails to be done, and I allotted one hour of time for them to be done. And I'm like, it is what it is. I have other stuff to do, and I'll guess that we'll fix it next time, but.

And that.

Yes. And you feel bad asking for money back because you're. You don't want to take it out of, like, people's.

Like.

Because you understand that people are working hard. But, yeah, it's not your expectation. So I understand the predicament.

Or what if there's, like, some sort of comp for the future? Like, maybe it's not about, like, let me get a refund. Maybe it's like, okay, how about, like, you know, offering. If they're not thinking of it, offering some sort of, like, added service for.

Later, like, you have to pedicure next time or something like that.

Yeah. A massage, like, whatever. It's like, you have to be your own advocate sometimes. And it's like, you. Close mouths, don't get fed. Like, you have to ask for what you want. So wait, back to the salon. The store owner didn't even do anything about it.

No. Was just like, oh, she's running late. She's like, this is not like 10 to 15 minutes even. That would be unacceptable. This is an hour and a half.

Yeah.

At that. Like, I told my friend, I was like, you shouldn't have even stayed. No, like, forget it.

Right.

But. So part of your business is about helping women socialize, which I love, because sometimes for some people, that's easy. For other people it's not. And again, it's a whole confidence thing. But Casey and I had a whole episode, I think it was back in January, about friendships and motherhood and how they can change. And it's really hard if you're the first one of your friends to have kids and you're kind of entering a different phase than the rest of your friends to go out and make some friends with people that are in a similar period of life.

Or establish friends groups for your. For your case where you moved to Florida and there was an established friend.

Group that you were meeting. Yes, yes. So what types of strategies or tips can you offer for women who are trying to make new connections and becoming. Becoming Friends with newer moms.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. It can be tough. It's a new environment. You might be in a new location altogether. It can be tricky. One thing I would say is don't wait. As tough as it might be, don't wait for someone else to initiate the first hello. Just they might be waiting for you. 99 or like 75% of the time they are waiting. Someone is waiting for you to make the first move. So just make it. You can say, hey, do you want to go and grab a coffee? Like it might be something that's like out of the child care or child environment. Like if you're able to get a coffee or like I'm going to get my nails on here, I really want to take some time out. Do you want to do that too? Like finding that common ground or I'm going to go for a walk, Would you want to do that? We can grab like a smoothie on the way. Whatever it might be. Make that first initiative and put things into perspective a little bit. May feel so jarring, but in the grand scheme of things, it's like it doesn't really matter. I know, you know, all of us place so much weight and importance on like, am I saying the right thing? Am I going to come off awkward? Am I going to, you know, for some reason scare this new mob away? She doesn't know me or she has her set established group of friends. It may be tough but like almost come, come at it from like an ignorant place and like remember that we are all so small in this, like, yeah, grand scheme of things that we're living in. We just saw how small we really are by seeing a solar eclipse. We had an earthquake here last week. So it's like, it's, it's. If they say no or you don't really feel the vibe or the connection, it's okay. Like you can move on and it doesn't have to be the end of the world. But I would say take that first initiative and find common ground that's maybe outside of the kids space if you.

Can do that adult only thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about meals? Like a new spot? Like, you know, I saw this really cute cafe for down the street. Like would you want to go in there, grab salads or grab lunch or something and just like might be waiting for you to do the exact same thing?

Yeah, it's your dating is what we arrived at. You're starting to date other friends.

What about the flip side of that? What if there is somebody that is trying so Hard to get into your life and to make time and to like be a friend with you and you're just like, I, this, it's just not. I don't want to be mean, but I just know for me it's not somebody that I can allow in right now.

Right. Say that. Say exactly that. And it's like, you know this, you can, you can say this is about me. Like, it's a nice way of saying it's more about me than it is you. Like, you know I have so much going on, right? Yeah, exactly. I have so much going on right now. And it's not the best time for me to be making new friends. Like, it might sound, it might sound really jarring, but I don't know why we feel like we can't be honest with one another. You can let this person know, like, you know, it is not you at all. I just have a lot on my plate at the moment. I'm moving. I'm not quite ready yet to put myself out there. I will reach out to you if and when I feel ready to hang out more or I feel ready to drive car.

My knee jerk would be self deprecate to justify. Like, my knee jerk would be, I'm so busy. I'm such an airhead. I have so many balls in the air. We're crazy right now. We definitely will be freed up in a few weeks. But it's true. I mean, it is true and it's. I think for me, I have more confidence saying that than like, now's not a good time.

And what, like, why do you think that is?

I feel like that's cold. I feel like if somebody said that to me, I'd be like, oh my God, they hate me. I should just go crawl in a hole.

But what if you were to say, like, it is so not you. I really appreciate this.

Yes.

I think it's that preface. Yeah, yeah, that.

Or that tagline. Yeah. It's like a fine balance of like, I really appreciate this. It's not the best time for me right now, but let's. I would love to reach out to you when I'm feeling, when I'm feeling.

Myself or better or whatever.

Yeah. Or like when I have a little bit less on my plate. So it's like you're still making them feel validated. You're. You're making them feel good. It's not cold. But then you're also not like, I'm such an airhead. Like, why does it have to go to that extreme? You Know, even if you do. Like, we all have airhead moments. But, like, why does that even need to be mentioned?

Yeah, that's true. You know, because it's a justification in my mind. I don't know.

Casey got served.

I'm ready to go to the Institute.

I just said no. I just created a video. On what? On how to not say, you know, but we're in a casual conversation.

I saw that. It's like, stop using buffer words.

Yeah. People ask me about filler words a lot.

People do that a lot. You know what I mean? Like, they'll say this whole spiel and say, you know what I mean?

Right.

Well, you just explained it to me, but I did say yes. I didn't agree with you right away. So. Okay. Everyone asking when you're getting married or have kids, it makes me feel unsuccessful. What do you say when somebody says, these are such holiday questions, too?

These are. You're pulling these questions in from our.

Our responses? Yeah. From Instagram.

What's the context behind them?

So, like, Raelle, like, you're Rael. Like, you have this amazing company. You're doing so well, but when are you going to settle down? Like, don't you want a man? Don't you want kids? You're such a beautiful woman. Like, why don't you want those things in life? You're getting older.

Right, right, right. But, like, are they in a relationship and they're just not.

Maybe.

Yeah, maybe in a relationship and he hasn't proposed yet. I mean, that's definitely limbo land, right?

Totally, totally. So you can say pivoting is a big one. You can always pivot the conversation. Be like, well, yeah, like, that's. That is something I'm working on. Or that's something I'm working on. But actually, a more interesting thing that I'm working on is this side project, or is this really amazing project at work, or I'm actually really looking forward to this trip I'm about to take with my girlfriend to so and so. And you just pivot. Pivot the conversation. Yeah, yeah. Pivot it in a way that's, like, super. And if they keep trying to bring it back to that, you can say, you know, I'd really prefer not to talk about that right now.

That's so kind. And that's so easy to say that.

Right. And it's like you become even more warranted to say that when it's clear you're trying to shift.

And they keep their dog with a bone.

Right.

What about fertility? I. One of the girls said, I usually tell people off, but fertility is a great topic to talk about. So, again, like, when are you guys having kids and you are going through this horrible, horrendous.

Are you having more?

Yes, like. But you may be going through IVF and don't want to talk about it.

To your point. Right. What if someone were to say, you know, as, you know, it's a journey. It's a journey to. To have kids, to be pregnant. It's all a journey. Like, someone can say, almost like. Like, it's a. It's a soft way and a vague way of saying, and we're working on it. But, like, maybe there's stuff going on behind the scenes that they don't know about and they don't need to know about, but it's a. It's a journey, and I'd prefer not to chat about that right now. Or.

Amazing.

Yeah, there were others. Let's see. I had shared a few others in, like, a reel that I put together. Or it's like, oh, like, don't you want. Don't you want a family? Or like. And you could say, you know, well, two people make a family. Two people make a complete family.

Family.

Yeah, we are. We are family. And you may still have people that are like, well, you know, not really. And it's like, we have a difference of opinion. And again, it's like trying to not get defensive, but also putting people in their place and not feeling like you have to answer their questions.

We're not at that stage yet, or we're not at that part of our story yet, but we're working towards it. We definitely want that down the road. Not sure when that will be right.

Or, you know, it's a journey and we're. We're working on it. And almost like there's another method that's called the gray rock method, where you become almost as gray and boring as possible and just give both minimum information.

So I think, what would you say in that sense?

I think this would be one of them where it's like, we're working on it. Where, like, you don't really give much.

And then you just stare at them and blink a lot.

You know, we're working on it. It's a journey, as I'm sure you know, or at you, as I'm sure you've heard, or like, you know, as we, as women know. It's. It's a process and it's a journey.

It's not always black and white or. Yeah, it's not Always.

Right?

Yeah, yeah, we definitely do want a family. But it's not. I can't just snap my fingers. This one says when my mother in law thinks she knows how to make the best decisions for your children, like her grandchildren. There. There wasn't anything else besides that. So I don't know like a specific, but maybe it's, oh, you're going to send them to public school or you're going to send them to private school. The public schools are just fine. Or when I was raising Bobby, he had a packed lunch every day, or oh, I cooked every single night. Like it's stuff like. I'm sure it's stuff like that.

Yes, yes. In this case I would say ask, ask questions to put the focus back on her to help you from getting super defensive. Or maybe saying somebody might later regret maybe coming, oh well, why, why, why public school? Why not private school? Well, why, why not like, what is your thought process behind that? Or like, or where is this coming from? What, what gives you the impression that public school is, is so much worse than a potential private school? Where, oh, and then if she answers, oh, well, where did you get that information? Was that something you like almost asking questions to the point of nauseam where they're like, you know, well, maybe that.

Was the case 30 years ago, but you know, I've done my research as well. And that's another thing. A very different scape in this, in this particular town.

Yeah, that was another.

Use them and say, okay, yeah, I'll take those points into consideration.

I'll talk to Bobby.

Well, yeah, we'll definitely talk about those. I think sometimes people just want to feel heard and it's like, you just need to be like, okay, yeah.

Yes, though I would be mindful of that. I wouldn't again, I wouldn't want someone just like okaying others to death. Yes, but that is another option where it's like, thank you for your input, I'll look into it. Or we'll consider it, or thank you for your input. You know, right now we're good, but if something changes, I'll let you know. Or I'll definitely keep that in mind for the future, whatever it might be. But ask questions, mention that, you know, I hear you, but that, you know, and that might have worked 30 years ago. Now it's not. It's. Things are a little bit different nowadays. And then the method that you mentioned too, Gianna, like, thanks, I'll. I'll definitely consider it. We'll keep it in mind.

Okay. Mother in laws who have no filter. It says example. She told me my 11 year old twins spend too much time with me. What they're supposed to get dropped.

And again like why is that? Why is that a bad thing? And then, oh well, they're going to become really clingy or they're going to. Oh, based on what? What example? Like where have you seen that before? Well, you know, my to be with. Right.

I don't know, maybe it's, maybe there wasn't any other context to this. Maybe it's like she wants them more. But then another person said my mother in law volunteered to come help with the babies twice per week. But four weeks in she bails and cancels asking for help from mother in law. Even if it's cooked meals, dinner, she doesn't help us at all.

Okay, in that instance, I would say when we bring up to the mother in law that the arrangement was X, Y, Z and you've noticed that things have changed. What is the expectation? What should you be. Let's get on the same page. If she's going to say that there are plans and she's going to bail, that's not going to work for you, your schedule. So like what, what can she realistically contribute to? And if it's nothing, it's nothing. But at least you know, and there isn't this like limbo gray area where she's saying she's going to do something and she's not be like, you know, if you can't commit to this, that's not a problem. But I do need to know so I can plan accordingly.

Right. The other one, the last one that I have is a friend wanting you to come visit them with two under two and me not wanting to. So that goes back to like maybe somebody doesn't have kids and says like oh my God, just throw the kids in the car and come over. And it's like, well, this one naps at this time, this one naps at that time, this one's colicky, you know.

Right. It's a whole thing. Sure. You know, what's an alternative? Like is there an alternative that can be suggested? Like it's really not the best time. But how about we actually. Let's, let's set a date to go out to dinner. It's not as easy for me to get around with two kids. Or it's not as easy to have you, oh, you and your, and your kids over. But like what's another. Let's, let's set up some time, let's get out of the house and get together for a proper dinner. I would love to do something like that. Instead offering an alternative where the person still feels validated and like, feels that you want to spend time with them, Just not in the exact scenario that they're suggesting.

Like, the older one has a play date next Wednesday at noon. Let's go get lunch and I'll bring the baby. Something like that.

Yes. Yeah. How does that. And then if they're like, oh, no, that actually doesn't work for me. Okay, like, why don't you suggest some times that might work for you and.

We'Ll put it on them.

Yeah, yeah.

The last one that I missed was tips for real estate agents. When talking to a potential lead. Example, a cold call, A buyer or a seller. That's a little broad.

Hmm.

It is a little bit broad, but it's very niche. Right? Broad but niche.

I don't know what she's asking exactly. Tips for real estate agents. I mean, I think it goes back to anything in business. Like you said, like, if you have a. If you have a client, it's like, okay, what are your expectations of me? What do you need? What are, what do you expect me to do?

If you have a.

A seller, it's again, like, what are the expectations? Okay, you need an inspection, you want to know a list of the, what you need, the vendors that the homeowner has or whatever like that.

That. And I was also going to say find a way to connect with them on maybe a more personal level. Like, be like, okay, like, I'd love to discuss this over. Over a coffee. Especially when you're in real estate and sales, like, you know, it's a very lead generated space. Find a way to connect with them as people. People like to work with people they like. Right? Like they, they like to give business to those that they like and have a connection with. So get to know them as a person. Maybe see if there's like a certain sport that they're into or a neighborhood that they really love. You could say, like, oh, I got these bagels or these donuts from this. This neighborhood. I know you were interested in looking in that region, et cetera, et cetera. Like, get to know them as a person. Yeah, I think that's helpful in any world, in any business setting. It just makes you more likable and like, showing that you care. Really, like listening. Asking questions so much about communication is just listening well too. And like giving people the opportunity to be heard. Like you said, Gianna. And like, really allowing to process Their information and to get to know them better.

G. What was your question that you were saying?

The one that I was going to say and then we do have to wrap up was going back to like meeting new moms. The thing I think is always hard or I have had people ask me in like very uncomfortable ways, but basically like, do you work, do you have a job? What do you do with your day?

Even for us?

Well, intention basically. Like, are you, are you at home with the kids or are you like, how do you like, what's your typical day look like? Like, think that's a nice way to, to ask it. But there are people that sometimes it's like you can tell they're uncomfortable saying it and they're just like, so like what do you, what do you do all day?

Yes.

Or what do you have a job?

Or when you, and you're like, you get the.

Oh, oh yeah. Like, it sounds so condescending and so rude, but you can tell it's like actually the person's like awkwardness of not knowing how to phrase the question for what they're about to ask.

Right.

Or it's not awkwardness and they're just, they're just judgmental. That's looking at it half full.

Yeah, right, Right. And what's, what's frustrating is that the questions towards working moms will be totally different. But someone who's condescending or tone deaf or doesn't maybe know the right way to ask or is inappropriate with people they don't know very well. It's still going to be cross a line and a boundary and the target is always moving. It's just about. One question is coming to a stay at home mom. Another question is coming to a working mom. It's like, when will, when will it be enough? Like when will women's answers be enough?

Yes.

But even I'm sure, Raelle, you got these questions when you started your company. It's like you're not going to an office. Oh, you think you can start your own business and work from home and get paid? Like I, I mean, I get it about the pod. Oh, do you guys make money? Like, well, that's none of your business.

But you just work for a living. You just like have convos with your friend and think people care.

I mean if you're on TV or the radio you get, you automatically get paid to do it. So why can't you just do it on the infra.

Right. And I will say one thing to keep in mind is so much of it Is also about projection. It's like what they question in you or maybe dislike or are judgmental about is most likely what is missing in them. You know, they're. They're missing it, so they're projecting that. That judginess or that, like, wondering how you're doing it. The awe. I really feel like the people who are genuinely admiring you, it just comes from a different place. Like, that's amazing. Like how. Tell me more about how you do all of that. That's incredible. You know, it's just coming from a different place when it's genuine. So keeping all of these things in mind will help someone determine when it's worthy of speaking up versus when you just brush it off. Because again, as we were talking about before, not everything is worth a reaction and a response or a comeback, per se.

And then the pivot, like you said, just pivot to something else. The pivot.

Or if you don't want to talk to that person anymore, you know, you feel like, why are you going to be spending your energy with someone who is just trying to find ways to be condescending or be judgy? You could be like, you know, I. I do have to get going. It was good seeing you. Like, wrap up the conversation and keep your distance moving forward. If they're trying to meet up with you and get lunch and be like, you know, it's just, it's now really not a good time.

That is one too. When the, when the conversation has expired and someone is just talking to hear themselves talk. What is a phrase to exit? Like, because you can say, oh, my gosh, I gotta run. Or sometimes you can't because you don't have a crutch. Like, oh, I see my. I see my husband over there. I gotta go run. I have to tell her, like, the babysitter's calling. What's like an exit word or exit phrase in those conversations?

I would say one which is super truthful is like, you know, it was so good seeing you. I do have to get going. It was nice chatting with you. Take care. Or another one's like, listen, I have to make a call. Even if you, you know, it's a little white lie. But, like, I have to make a call or I have to check something on my phone. It was great speaking with you. We'll talk a little bit later. And it's an opportunity for you to exit. And even if you have nothing, like, except externally, like, there's nothing in the immediate environment happening, you have your phone, you're saying, I have to make a call. I have to check my phone. I need to check in with someone.

Right, and that's it.

Yeah, yeah. It's. It's a little white lie that you can use to exit, but you can also just be like, I gotta get going. It was great talking with you. I'm running a little. Or, like, I don't want to run late to the next place. I got it. I have to be.

You know, the hard thing is when you're at a party and they know you don't have anything, that's where it's hard.

That's why I've learned the beauty of the Irish exit.

No, but if you're talking to someone, they have you cornered in the corner, and you're like, oh, my God, I can't talk to you anymore.

Right? I have to use the restroom.

Yeah, that's true.

Like, all right, I'll come with.

Yeah.

Well, we're running out of time here, but there has been some really good takeaways that. So from this.

I really love the pivot.

I really love the point. Like you just said, if. If there's a little white lie, that's not going to hurt anybody, fine. And I also love you. Like, you hit the point of saying, like, we don't really owe people explanations for. For anything. Like, if you can, you can kind of just say something and then move on. Or the gray stone you had talked about be, like, so boring that nobody wants to ask you any more questions about that topic that you don't want to talk about anyway. And then also setting the expectations. So that's kind of like a Cliff Notes of everything that we hit today. Are there any other major lessons that you have learned in the work that you've done that you want to share?

I really feel we touched upon this briefly, but confidence and communicating well and assertively. Directly, but still kindly. It's a muscle. The more you do it, the better you will get at it. You will know your audience and when to say what. But it really is a muscle. Don't be afraid to pick up the phone and call someone and let them know, like, hey, this. This didn't really work out for me. Or, hey, I'm feeling. I know I didn't mention anything about this before, but I'm feeling that I'm feeling like this about this now. Like, don't let your path habits dictate your new. Your new communication habits. You will get better at it. I really encourage everyone to take up that space, and you're allowed to take up that space. That's another thing. Like give yourself the permission to take up the space and vocalize what's. What's going on with you or if you need clarification on something or you need a boundary, all that.

Love that. Thank you so much. And I love your Instagram reels. They're so palatable, they're so digestible. So just head over to her Instagram.

Or TikTok show notes will have her handle everything. Is there anything coming up for your events or projects that people should know about?

Thank you. Thank you so much. I do have an event in New Jersey. It's going to be a luncheon and I'll be sharing some tips for moms and caregivers to communicate their needs effectively. So this is like a perfect.

That's a good one.

Segue. Yeah, perfect.

When's that?

May 4th. Yes. In Englewood, New Jersey, for anyone listening. Yeah, I'm super excited about that one. And if you'd like to subscribe to my newsletter, you're welcome to. Of course, I have a whole coaching storefront with one on one sessions and packages that's all on my Instagram as well. So Instagram, Tick Tock.

And she's got one little boy and one on the way in August. So best of luck to you with that and thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for listening to Mother Up. We have new episodes every Monday. In the meantime, follow us on Social by searching Oup Pod.

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Production support for today's episode provided by Katie Anderson, also a mom of HomeAway Studios. I'm Gianna Dimidio Simon.

And I'm Casey McDonald Hosmer. Have a great week and remember, whenever you're feeling down, Mother Up.