Episode 20 on How to add value to each other? (Spontaneous Conversation)

Hi there. Welcome to spontaneous conversations. This is Ravi Kundlapalli, episode number 20. I'm founder CEO of Mentor Cloud.

This is Rajesh Sethi. I'm a co conspirator with Ravi on this series. And I am a serial entrepreneur and an author and a speaker. And Today we have Dr. Prasad Kaipa who we have known for a long time. He is one of the wisest people that we both know. It's an honor to have him here. Sir, why don't you introduce yourself?

Sure. Thank you for introducing me to the wisest one. Because my daughter and my son call me the dumbest person who has written from smart to wise. Because I wanted to get from dumb to smart and then smart to wise. So it is fun to be called wisest on one side and being the dumbest, at least I range from one end to the other end.

You cover the full spectrum.

Cover the full spectrum.

Very good.

So today's topic we picked like two minutes ago. How to add value to each other. So what are some opening reviews works?

My feeling is that many times when we have spontaneous conversations we drift into topics that are of mutual interest but they don't add any significance to either any one of us. Whether we talk about politics or whether we talk about movies or we talk about the latest technology, sometimes how much of value addition that will have. For example, when we talked about just a minute ago saying, you know, I spent some time in Ayurveda center, so immediately if you are going to Coimbatore, then how can we do it in such a way? Like for me when I spent some time I got so interested, I'm really looking at how to help them to grow, how to take them to next level and how to even invest in it. Because I found something very, very meaningful. But very rarely we have conversations where how can I add value to whatever is on your plate? So that by the time we spend 10, 15 minutes, there is something that I can do that I could not because of this conversation. And while I'm doing it, I'm also able to add something meaningful to you. Something which you didn't know so that you can take away and get some value out of it. So other way of saying it is when we contribute to each other, the conversation not only becomes fun but also becomes meaningful. And that doesn't take away time. It actually adds energy and value.

That's an amazing insight because a lot of conversations end up focused on interests. So each person is sharing their intellectual.

What do you call capacity, Sharing their knowledge. But what Dr. Kaipa is saying is move it to value creation. Make sure that the conversation leads to the other person actually moving to the next level. I think that's really. So having conversation and just sharing with each other how much we know is not good enough is what I'm gathering.

Yeah, makes a lot of sense, sir, in terms of crafting a conversation. Let's say because you have so many conversations with so many leaders with this in the backdrop, how do you craft it? Suppose sometimes they may want to drift into movies or because they don't know, it should not look like a consulting engagement right there. So how will you handle that part?

What I found is if I can like through the conversation we are having now. You talked about this spontaneous conversations, episode number 20. If you can tell me a little bit about what is this project, what are you doing with it, I would love to learn about it. And if there is any two cents that I can add, I would be happy to do that. So please tell me a little bit about this conversation.

Actually, the person to be blamed is Ravi. Only because every time we use to talk, we always ended up talking something deep and meaningful. And then one day he said, hey Rajesh, we should record these conversations because we are discussing something meaningful. Even I am in the car, he is in the car. But we are going deep into spirituality, leadership and everything. And I was the non believer in this equation. I said no, no, no. What will happen if it is a spontaneous conversation? It's our brand, how will we help it? But he insisted. And then we figured because we have. I'm already 44, so there is enough experience and a bank of knowledge and he is probably around the same age. We found that as we started talking.

He crossed 28, I think.

Yeah, exactly. I just crossed 28. Yeah, you are right.

I think we will leave it at that. Because what we found was some amazing insights started coming out just because we were focused conversations. And then we said if we meet somebody smarter than us, we will also engage them in the conversation at the end of it. There were two things that would come out of it. One is that people who are listening, they know that this is not a prepared conversation but something good came out of it. It's a lesson for them to say we can also have such conversations that will lift our level. Second, this is our opportunity to bring people like you and then expose your thinking, ideas, strategies, tips, techniques, wisdom, everything and amplify it because we will find a way to spread this around because we both are from a marketing background. So our Goal is take wisdom, whatever comes out of it, and amplify it and extend it to as many people as possible.

And to add to that, what I found was I had read many books, I've heard many people, so many quotes stuck in my head, but they were not seeing the light of day somehow, only with some people, they are actually coming alive. So I phoned with Rajesh. We are talking. You know, I remember I was talking to, listening to Dr. Kalam once, and some amazing quote comes out, but it was not coming on every other occasion. So I said, this knowledge is stuck in my head and it is coming alive in certain conversations. And I don't want all that bites to go into thin air that nobody knows about it, because I may not go home and actually blog about it. I may not write a book about it. Now I have lost all the knowledge that just went into thin air. So that was the impetus. Let's record it at least, because I at least want to know that I had it in my head and I told it to you when we were talking.

Yeah. Plus, sir, I have had so many conversations with you. It is guaranteed that before and after the conversation, something I will learn something, something profound that I have found with you. So basically, this was our opportunity to say, why not? Other people also benefit from it.

Thank you. There are three things for me I heard which is kind of interesting from your conversation. One is there is power in spontaneity.

When I prepare for a conversation or when you prepare your questions to ask somebody, then that is coming from the past.

When we have a conversation, what I am hearing, that has depth, that has passion, that has engagement of all the people who are involved in it, what comes out becomes something of a surprise to all of us. So the spontaneity taps into the present moment, whereas prepared conversation seems to tap into the past. Okay, that is one thing, right? Second thing, which I am also finding, is any conversation, by definition, as you are saying, it cannot be a lecture by one person. It has to build on each other. That means if what you say, if it does not resonate in the heart, it may resonate in the head. If it resonate in the head, I may give two, three PowerPoint kind of stuff, but that doesn't connect emotionally. That means the conversation does not build. We either listen or we talk, but we rarely converse. But if in a spontaneous conversation, because there is no agenda, there are no set questions, what I am seeing is somehow we engage with the heart lot more than the head when we are having a conversation from the heart. There is vulnerability, there is authenticity, there is willingness to share things which I would not share if I am interested in what kind of an impact I want to create. All of these, vulnerability, contribution, authenticity, are all expressions of being here and now. That means being present.

So the last thing which I heard from you is, you know, we talked, and at the end of it, we found that this is something worth recording. That means both of you were engaged with each other, so that the time and space actually became secondary. That means there is an emergence in that conversation. So you said something that triggered in Ravi, Ravi said something that triggered in Rajesh, that triggered something else. So both of you are engaged in one conversation with the two mouths and two hearts and two experiences. That is the power of this spontaneous conversation that I'm finding. So that means the future depends on what emerges in conversations. Whether we talk about good meetings, whether we talk about good conversations. Our conversations are where we are included, where we got something of value and where we feel good about it at the end of it, and where we feel we contributed and we got contributed. So you have something very, very rich in what you are doing in terms of spontaneous conversations. Because at some level, only those are the conversations that are actually going to make a difference of a transformational level. Rest of them can be incremental conversations. What you are setting up seems to be the recipe, transformational conversations. That's what I saw. I thought there is a beautiful way in which you started. And I'm really excited about what you are doing here.

Fantastic. I like the way you define the spontaneity aspect of it. Recently here, there was something called spontaneous creativity. So he said that if somebody is given like three hours to come up with new ideas, they take this forever. But he actually gave us only two minutes and he said, time starts now. And he told us exactly what to innovate upon. Like, I need 50 ideas to increase the brand presence of your company. Two minutes and we got 40 ideas each. So something about spontaneity that kind of compresses time and increases the brain activity so much that every person was like, wow, how come I did this when I couldn't do the same thing at three hour?

Yeah. I also saw in this, for the first time, I realized why this may be working, because until now, I believed in Ravi and said we should do this. And the first couple of them, I was reluctant, but I started totally enjoying it because something good was happening. You brought it down to the three fundamentals. Spontaneity, being present, all those things. It all makes sense. But this was not what we knew. It's like you gave the explanation of why this is working.

I think this is, you know, what you are saying both of you is, makes a lot of sense. Number one, it looks to be about enjoyment. A conversation when we enjoy that also becomes creative. And a creative conversation is something that we enjoy. So both creativity and enjoyment, the head and the heart have to be together. As a matter of fact, when you take. Because we were talking about even the metrics and monitors and brain based. There is an organization called Heart Math Institute in Boulder Creek. They focus on the heart related stuff. They look at the resonance of the heart and they talk about. And actually there is a medical term called coherence which means when the brain and the heart, heart, when they synchronize, that is called high coherence. Okay. And the heart rate variability monitors are there. That will do a lot from the heart perspective. And the. Phil Dixon, who is the president of the Able and, and he. And with his colleague Evian, they had been looking at the heart coherence, I mean head coherence, brain coherence. They talk about how many breaths you take and some of that. So in some respects, in your spontaneous conversations, when you mention creativity and enjoyment, I think that seems to be the recipe for any kind of meaningful emergence. Only thing I will add to that is intentionality. If we choose to continue to have this and say I enjoy spending time with Rajesh or I enjoy spending time with Ravi. Like for example, even now I can think of in, you know, despite however many number of years which we have worked with, I remember the first time you came to my office and where you brought the books and where you talked about. I think what you left with was there was a sense of friendship, there is a sense of respect and there is a sense of creativity. That's what you brought. And with you it was always, you know, whenever we did anything, whether it was mentoring you or whether it was working with coaching, any of the things you always brought surprise and a contribution. Like, you know, my 50th year birthday, you had, I didn't even know. And you had somebody, you know, like Venkateshashri come in and do Ashir Vachanam. I mean it was like a very, very pleasant surprise. Now everybody talks about experiential gifts instead of a product gift. And the experience you created 10 years ago for my birthday is something that I still remember very warmly about.

Thank you. Thank you.

So the key is somehow in a spontaneous conversation, what we are creating Is an experience, a shared experience. And a shared experience in which the creativity, enjoyment and contribution is quickly moving through each of us. By giving, we are receiving. And I think that is the source of emergence for me. And you guys are exemplifying it as just we talk.

Yeah, Very, very interesting. This is going to the foundational level. So one of the things I had a question, sir was we are coming to the close of it. One of the things I had a question was because you work with all the CEOs and always having conversations, there are many people who don't get that opportunity because for you, you have been doing this for years and years. There are young people who are listening to this and everything. They get to meet with some of the leaders and they are always little bit intimidated. And then they may not have that right conversation which will not get the right result. And then they will say, I am not ready for it.

What is some advice that you can give to the same people?

One of the things is focus on what it is that add values to the other person. It doesn't matter how big they are, it doesn't matter how wise they are. If you ask a question, you know, where are you going? What is of interest to you? How can I add value to you? By focusing first on contribution to others as the first step. Then they will always or ask them, you know, how did you get to this field? What interested you to stay in this field for so long? That means people always like to talk about themselves. Number two, they will always have new insights if you can ask interesting questions. So as a young person, you may not have many answers, but if you have some good questions that will either help the person to connect with people like you, whether you are a millennial generation or a Gen X gen. Yeah. Ask questions so that whatever other person is saying that will help you while helping him, those are some things that would be good. And the last point I would also say is genuine interest and sharing what you have learned from them. And finally, and most importantly, what are you going to do, if any, based on what you have learned, you know, and what are you going to do differently if there is a variation from what it is, if you can acknowledge to the other person, this is what I learned and this is what I'm going to try it out based on what I have heard from you. And by the way, would you be interested in hearing what will happen out of this and can I call you. That's a sure way to open a door to create either a mentoring relationship or a coaching relationship or a friendship with a new person, they may be really happy to contribute because that's what opens the door. Contribution is what allows people to come alive and feel good about it.

This is brilliant, sir. It's exactly what I was expecting. So my quick takeaway was that earlier I didn't know why the spontaneous conversations was working. The whole design of it. I was enjoying it. Now I also know why it might be working. And thank you so much for that gift.

And Again, thank you, Dr. Kuiper. I think I enjoy the spontaneity part of it because there's no preparation required and I'm enjoying how much I actually have learned over several years that I get to share. And I also encourage all the listeners to have such conversations and be heavily focused because conversation takes time and time is very limited. We only got so much in everyone's life. So make sure every conversation actually moves the needle is what I'm actually taking away from his comments.

Yeah, that's the intention. If you have that intention that every conversation I have moves the needle. That intention alone can make it focused, can make it value add and can contribute to both people.

Amazing sir. Where can people find about you? What is the website?

I mean prasadkaipat.com would be a good way to do it on Facebook. Prasad Kaipa I post a lot of stuff. Whichever. I have another place where they can contact.

Very good.

Excellent Dr. Kaipa. Thank you so much. This is Ravi Gundlapalli. Thank you for listening. You can learn more about me at mentacloud. Com.

This is Rajesh Seti signing off and more about me at rajesheti. Com. Bye.