Episode 6 on Networking

Hello. Welcome to episode number six of Spontaneous Conversations. This is Ravi Gundlapalli, founder, CEO of Mentor Cloud.

This is Rajesh Seti. I'm a serial entrepreneur.

And the topic we just picked literally five seconds before is networking.

Yeah, I'm excited about this topic because, Ravi, this is one of those topics that everybody knows that building good relationships is extremely important. But it's rarely taught in school.

Exactly. You are taught to form groups, to do projects. So where that relationship is very end goal driven. And after the project you are taught to form teams that are very specific, task focused, but not taught to create good relationships with people. That a network becomes your net worth over time.

Beautifully said. Your network is your net worth. Correct. Very nicely said.

In fact.

I remember, I think it was Reid Hoffman. I think in one of the blogs he said 10, 15 years ago.

You were significant or known based on what you know.

Five, six years ago. It's about who you know. But today the significance comes from who knows you.

Yeah, yeah, I read about that and I always had an addition to it. So who knows you and how do they know you? What do they know you as?

What do they know you as?

Correct.

Yeah. Who knows you and what do they know you as?

Correct. Because the identifiers that they use in your mind, in their mind when they are introducing you to someone, that becomes very important. That for me, is the core of your personal branding that is built on your accomplishments and contributions. And somebody says Ravi is an amazing mentor is different from saying Ravi is trying to be a mentor. So the shades of gray becomes.

Yeah. And also somebody is saying that, you know, Ravi is a nice guy. Fine. If that's what you want to be known for, fine. But I think you make a very interesting point that you have to watch how others are talking about you, especially.

When you're not there.

When you're not there, of course, if that's possible. But it's very important. So I think coming back to the topic that which we chose, I think building a network should be completely driven out of shared interests and shared passions.

Aligned thinking with people should not be a task or a.

Specific goal driven. That becomes very opportunistic. True networks are built because we genuinely like each other and we just want to kind of stay in touch.

Correct. So I go back, as you know, I wrote a book called Lasting Relationships and this was the topic. It's downloaded like thousands of times. And. And I'll share some of the things that I did some research and found out in my little research, I found that the Core of building a good relationship is caring. So you have to care for what the other person is caring about as if it's your own. So to start off there, I always think that how do you know what to care about? It starts with listening. Correct.

You have to know what the other person cares about.

Exactly. So you become a good listener. Is there. And caring has to be genuine. So it should not be like a superficial thing. It should not be like a fair weather friend that if everything is going well, I am there with them. If trouble comes, I run far away kind of thing. So if you are genuinely caring, you won't do it. You are there with them throughout the journey. Now.

I see that there are three ways a person can impact another person. I call it Delta P, Delta T and Delta P. Delta T. And I will explain what it is. Yeah.

So the situation is you are in a conference, there are a bunch of people and you are going to explain these three rules.

There are three ways they can impact. Actually, there are six ways. The other three ways you should not be doing that is negative of Delta P. Delta T and Delta P. Delta T. Delta P is.

This is very mathematical, by the way.

Yeah. Because I am an engineer.

Right? Yeah. Yeah.

So Delta P is a performance advantage. You can give the other person a performance advantage. That means without you, they could have performed and they would have gone somewhere. So you give them an edge so that they can perform even better. Small delta.

So you are giving the other person a performance advantage in their interaction.

Okay, Exactly. Like for example, they are going ahead with their life, they are building a company and then they would have made $5 million a year on their own with their current network. You come in, you are so insightful, you start giving them ideas, making connections, and you're doing all sorts of things. Suddenly, just because you are there, they can make $6 million a year.

Good.

Okay.

Delta P is because of you, somebody is doing better. That's a good network rule.

Correct.

You want to add value to the other person.

Exactly. Delta T is very simple. You give them a time advantage because time is everything. So let us say in the next three years they would have made $5 million. You come in, you just do all sorts of things and in two years they will reach that goal. That means you gave them a time.

Advance, you are uplifting or accelerating their journey.

Exactly. As simple as you are giving them some ideas so that they become more productive and they can do more things. Whatever it is, either you got a performance advantage or a time advantage. The better one is give them both. So they would have made $5 million in three years. Now they can make $6 million in two years. They got them both the ends. So the other three things are exactly opposite. So basically you. Okay, the next step is. The other three things, Ravi, are exactly the opposite. They would have made $5 million in one year. You come in, you. You become a drag on them, and then you suddenly find that they are making only 4 million because you are there, because you are dragging them back. Yeah.

I mean, again, it makes sense that.

So I want to take it back to how to help people create better networks.

Yes.

And so in interactions, you are not taking performance away from them. You're giving them performance. You're not taking time away from them, you're giving them time. And both will happen when. Because I can't make Everybody make from 5 to 6 million. I mean, everybody cannot do that. So what are the little things that you grant?

Performance. Yeah. Very simply, Ravi, basically the first is if you listen, you will know what matters most to the other person. Correct.

What they are thinking about. What is that? Other issues.

Exactly. So one thing is that you have to have the hunger to know what matters most to this person. And that has to be in your ram Random access memory. That means all your close friends. If I ask you, what do you know about them? If you start saying, I know when is their birthday, when is their anniversary, when is their kid's birthday? Those are all good. Those are all facts. Those are all facts. But I would be really delighted if you say, I know what matters to Bob, I know what matters to Becky. I know what matters to Rebecca. This is where I am going. Because if you have it in your memory all the time. So when you see an article, when you see another person who can give them an edge, you will start thinking, oh, this person wanted to write a book. Here is an agent that I met. I think they both should talk.

So you are thinking. So in any interaction at a conference, for example, you ought to be a good listener. And then you are not. You're first finding out what matters most to them. And in the conversation, you want to really capture those.

Yes.

And when we go home and say, hey, Rajesh, it was great meeting you. Oh, by the way, you mentioned that you're very interested in education charities. You should talk to this person.

That's one way to do it, I think. I don't.

It's unlikely that the first time you meet the person and you start doing all these things, first thing that people think, what's the agenda for Ravi here. Why is he doing all these things?

You don't want to be overtly in parallel.

You have to build trust with them that you care. Somehow you have to demonstrate that you care. And that can happen if you are genuinely caring for them. That will show up just like if you are genuinely listening, they will reveal what matters most to them. If you are genuinely caring, they will know in your talk that this person cares for me. Because without that, if you don't take the first step and you start taking step two, step three, they will become suspicious because it is not common for people to help, just start helping people. So they have to trust. They should know that there is no other agenda. This person wants to be helpful.

Correct. And it is very counterintuitive of building a network because people think if you look good at the very basic, people think, oh, networking, you go introduce yourself, you have a two minute elevator pitch, you have your business card, have a firm shake handshake. But those are all sort of mechanics of the networking.

Right?

So what is interesting that is coming out between the conversation here is not the mechanics part of it, but more.

The foundation elements of networking is that you want the other person to feel good. First of all, the conversation has to be mutual. You can't just go to somebody, talk a whole lot and then leave. And the other guy is like what this guy say? So you want to make it mutual. That means you have to be listening, active listening. And I heard you say in that active listening, capture what matters most to them and then genuinely make sure that if you do something in that space that they are interested to receive.

You said it exactly right, Ravi. Because sometimes people are very careful about their space. That this is my space and who they let in into that space depends on how much trust they have in the person that they are letting into the space. You have to first get permission to enter their private space.

Yeah, I heard this word called the privacy bubble. People are saying you have entered the privacy bubble.

Correct. So basically what matters most to them is very close to their heart and they would want to know that you care enough and you are a good person and you have no other agenda but to help. And then they will let you into that private space.

They let you even help you help them.

Right.

Because they don't want to take care from a random person.

Exactly. Correct.

I think so. You have to make sure that you don't say, oh, I know this person. And like you're like a typical.

Person who is just very enthusiastic to help but what I'm hearing you say is help those that are ready to receive.

Exactly. There is another reason why I said it should not be that quick. The reason is Fred Wilson, the VC from Union Square Ventures, he wrote a phenomenal blog post called Double opt in method. Double opt in method.

Double opt in.

Oh wow. Double opt in method is. Suppose I want to introduce you to someone. Let's say Roger. I have to first say, do you want an introduction to Roger? And then you will ask me, who is Roger? What is the relevance? And then I go to Roger and say, can I introduce you to Ravi? Then he will ask you, he will ask me like, who is Ravi? What is the relevance and everything. If you both opt in, then the introduction is more fruitful because you both agreed to be introduced. The problem with meeting a person at a conference and say, I will introduce you the person who you are introducing them to. When they ask you a question about who you met at the conference, unless the person you met has huge accomplishments, then they will say, you just met him and you want me to give him my mind share and the time, energy, everything. It will look a little bit artificial. So that's why you have to build the relationship a little bit deeper. And then so you get to know them. And then you know that neither party who you are introducing will take advantage of each other.

I mean, I must say that Rajesh, you are so good at this because I see that every introduction you make, the other person already knows about me and same thing I know about them. So I think you are practically applying a double opt in method.

Yeah, I was always doing it. But when Fred Wilson defined this as double opt in, because all of us geeks, right, yes, we want those terms, it became very simple.

No, I think it's a very important element.

So when people are trying to expand their network, you want to make yourself be significant, be of value to other people because that's when your network grows because you are a significant part of that community.

Yeah, it all starts. Ravi, for me is how you approach a new introduction. So when you approach a new introduction, what do you think is the timeline you are looking at? Are you looking at what can I get or what can I give in the next three months or will you extend it beyond 10 years? So I always have a 10 year time or a lifetime of things. Suppose I met with you a few years ago. I was not thinking, what can we do tomorrow morning? I was thinking, if you build a good relationship, what can Ravi and I do together so that we are A positive possibility in each other's future until the end of one person dying. Because after that you don't want a ghost relationship. So I always look at the lifetime because the moment you extend the time horizon, even the thought of taking advantage will not even enter the mind. Because this is for the lifetime. Why would you do anything in the short term?

It's interesting. So as we get closer to the end of this amazing topic, I'm actually thinking that platforms like LinkedIn, are they really professional networks or are they professional acquaintances?

Yeah, LinkedIn is a great tool to get to know who is in the network. See, always. I've written about it extensively. So just because you are connected does not give you the entitlement to make requests. Connection gives an opening to make requests. You have to deserve it. So LinkedIn is a great. I know them and Ravi knows this person. But I have to deserve an introduction for me to make a request to you and say, ravi, can you connect me to this person? So the tools are tools. How you use it, the way LinkedIn is set up to use. I don't think it. Nobody rarely use this. It's like if you are connected to everybody, is connected to everybody in the world. If you want an introduction to Barack Obama, President Obama, so you can talk to someone and he will talk to someone, he will talk to someone. Finally, president will meet with you. That is like too much. It's theoretical for me in real life, what works the tools like this will accelerate it.

Correct the fact that there is a connection. But I think people should not misinterpret that. I have a thousand connections on LinkedIn. So I have a big network because the network net worth may be zero if nobody is willing to give. Nobody is willing to make an introduction because you haven't done your homework of being significant. That when you make a request or somebody is responding right away. So I think one of the fundamental elements is not how many people you know, but how many people know you. And as someone very significant, as someone that is trustworthy and someone that they can call on, as someone that they will respond to if you ever make a request.

Yeah. The.

Speed with which your requests are answered is where the power lies. Because the only way you can do it is you have to make sure that you do only the right requests. Because my friend, I won't name him here, he always tells that he has a 99% hit rate of all his requests being answered answered. And he says that is because he makes only very few requests and he will think 50 times before making that request because he wants to make sure that the other person feels that this was a right request and it has the right timing and it is of value to that other person. But very few people think like that. If they have a number and a name, they will say, I will just call him because he is my friend. Not knowing that the friend has 50,000 other requests coming his or her way. And. And this is one of the many requests that they are fielding.

Yes. Again, just because you are connected to somebody on LinkedIn doesn't automatically increase the net worth of your network. So I think in closing, when you are building a network, think about what is it that you bring to the table and make sure that you are kind of deserving and you are able to help other people. And that's when people start inviting you to their higher and higher networks.

Very good. In closing, all I can say is we can go back to the old what you sow is what you reap. And this perfectly applies to building your network and building relationships. The more you put into the network, the more there are chances that there is reciprocation to come back and make you a better person.

Fantastically close statement. The more you put into the network, the more you have the option to draw from. So the magic is you deposit first, you contribute first, before you give, before you get.

Exactly right.

Fantastic. Again, another spontaneous conversation. Episode number six, I think. And Rajesh, thank you. And you can learn more about Ravi.

On our website@mentacloud.com and Rajesh signing off here. And then you can learn more about me on my website rajeshetti. Com Blog.