Are you Aligning your Mindset with your Goals for Greater Clarity and Confidence? | Session 5

Welcome to another episode of Authentic AF. I'm Dr.

Stephanie Arjery, and with me is Rene Deceuninck, at this very moment not in London but in Belgium.

So how's it going over there in Belgium, Rene?

Oh, it's amazing. It's my, uh, it's my home, home country. I mean, I was born and raised in Belgium, so It's good to be back. It's good to visit the family, my mom, my kids, you know, my grandkids. And yeah, so it's good to be back, but it will be good to be gone too, in a manner of speaking.

Yeah, it's always interesting. It's nice, uh, this is the holiday season. It's actually a great time for the topics that we discuss because a lot of times, you know, communications, we have those family communications that sometimes can be a little bit choppy. And so gaining new skills and tools are always opportunities to improve on those relationships. I think today though, we have a very, very exciting topic. We're talking about really the mind-body connection and how people can align their internal thoughts with their external expressions. And I know this hits right in the center of what we address each week, you know, with this, you know, body language and mindset, uh, combination. So what do you think?

Yeah, it's very underestimated what, you know, in the first place, what you say verbally. And, and according to that Professor Albert Mehrabian in the '50s who said 7% is only words and 38% is, is is tonality and 55% is body language. But to get back to the verbal, it's only 7%. So shouldn't it be important what you say and how you say it? And then the tonality— can you imagine we are having this, this conversation, uh, Dr. Stephanie and, and myself, we have that conversation on a very monotone, like, hey, we're gonna have an amazing— people fall asleep and they will scroll away, right? So tonality. And then my question would always be How many of you pay attention to your tonality when you speak to somebody? And how many of you pay attention to your body language when you speak to somebody? And 99% of people said, well, duh, no. I said, wow, isn't that amazing? But then the verbal is even more important because it's only 7%. And that's where, you know, the mindset, how you think, how you've been programmed your whole life what comes out is what's within, right? So, and that's what I find very fascinating, what you're sharing, uh, Dr. Stephanie, in about, about the mindset, about what you think. And I would love for you to share a little bit about more, that as more about that as well, if, if, if, if you can, please, please do so.

Absolutely. Because, you know, what I think so often is, I was sharing with someone this idea of intention What is the foundation of the intention behind your words? Because I get caught sometimes as well. I'm very passionate about what I believe in, and I noticed very early on that I have a personality where I'm very patient and then I'm not. So some people kind of have a middle ground. I don't do a lot of middle ground, and so I had to recognize that about myself, that I give people a long runway of patience, but then suddenly when I don't have any more patience, it doesn't go to kind of— it just goes to, you've exhausted everything that I have for you. Now I'm no longer patient, right? And I've discovered sometimes that it's not so much what you say, it's definitely how you say what you say. And so I'm often very aware and reflective of the communication, and if there's something that I have to clean it up, clean clean up. I have no problem in going back, you know, and reflecting and saying, you know, I communicated X, I meant what I said.

Yeah.

However, I did not have to deliver it in the manner that I delivered it. So let me give you a context for what was happening in my mind that caused me to deliver it in this particular manner. And so I own my mindset, and I own the fact that maybe I was triggered by X behavior, and perhaps I didn't communicate all of these other things that were building. Because I noticed with me, I have a tendency to stack. I won't explode. I'm not an emotional person short term in terms of, you know, jumping on people. I'm not jumping on every word. I kind of just stack it as information until finally it's like, listen, I've had enough of that. Now let me give you what I really want to say to you. About X, Y, and Z. But I think it really is about, you know, but what is that intention? What is the underlying mindset? Underlying mindset is that I really want to have valuable communications, and I want my words to be received accurately. Yeah, I'm gonna interject real quickly now if I hear that your, your interpretation of what I'm saying is not accurate. I don't want you to reframe what I'm saying. I want you to understand it as I'm stating it. So if I need to restate it, reframe it, to make sure my communication is clear. That's what's important to me. And then let's go from there.

Yeah. So which really resonates with align your mindset with goals for greater clarity and confidence. Because clarity, I mean, I've collaborated with Tony Robbins for quite some time. And for him in his thinking and what he expresses on stage as well, clarity is power. That means align your mindset with your goals for greater clarity. Align your mindset— that means know what you want and know why you want it. And once you know what you want and why you want it, you have that greater clarity and that confidence, and the how will come automatically. That's what I learned through the years, is that so many people are going for the how. How are we going to do this? We're going to do it this way and this way and this way. They don't know what they do, they don't know why they do it, but they know how to do it. But that's why the business for a lot of people is not cooking, because they don't know what they want, what they do, what they want, and they don't know why they want it, right? And that's so important, uh, um, in, in terms of mindset, what you're handling, uh, Dr. Stephanie, is that align your mindset with your goals. Your— what is your mindset about your goals? And then you get that creative clarity, and that is that clarity that gives you power. The clarity— I mean, if You know, when I ask people, how is your financial situation? Do you flight, fight, or freeze? But if you don't have that clarity about your bank account, what else do you want clarity about? I mean, because we live in an economy, uh, society, you need money. You know, if you don't have money, you don't have a roof above your head, you don't have food on the table, you don't have a car to drive in, you don't have nothing when you don't have money. So it is very important to be— have that to have that clarity and to align your mindset. To get back to the topic, to align your mindset with your goals. What is your goal? What do you want from life? What do you want today, tomorrow, next week, next month, in 5 years? What do you want? Be very clear on that. Have that clarity. And that's, that's why the topic that you set forward, I was like, it's so amazing. Align your mindset with your goals for greater clarity and confidence.

If you—

I mean, if that makes sense.

And it does, and it's the time because a lot of times, listen, we're in the fourth quarter of the year. Uh, someone was asking me earlier, are there still opportunities, you know, to close on transactions or funding? And I said, yeah, but you got to take action. If you're sitting there believing that there's no opportunity, then it's kind of the analogy of is the glass half full or half empty. We talk about it all the time. It's the same glass, it has the same amount of liquid and opportunity. To somebody else, they're like, look, you know, it's not over till the fat lady sings, so it's not over till the year's over, so I'm gonna work up until the finish line. And if you bring me a great opportunity, I'm always going to be receptive to a great opportunity. But if you're sitting over there trying to decide if your opportunity is worth presenting and you haven't presented anything, you haven't given me an opportunity to determine if there's any outcome. You know, when you mentioned Tony Robbins, and that was kind of our case study, our reference, I was looking back at his old book Awaken the Giant Within, which is, I think, timely again. Twofold because not only are we assessing the outcome of this particular year chapter, but also many organizations or our thought leaders are projecting, planning for what are you setting your targets for, for the coming year. What are you hoping to accomplish in Q1 of 2025? And I love what, you know, kind of Tony Robbins used as one of his principles of many, but he says, you know, really it's about the power of your decisions, not your current, uh, conditions that really influence your outcomes. And so the decisions have a lot to do— that's the mindset. What is it that you're making decisions about based on the circumstances, not the circumstances? And oftentimes we get caught up leaning into the circumstances, and if you keep leaning into the circumstances, then you're actually magnifying those circumstances as opposed to focusing on What are the solutions?

Yeah, true, true, true. I mean, as you know, I'm, I'm having a project in, in the Emirates, and we're going to build it 8 times. It's a huge big project. It's about, yeah, a lot of money we're talking about. And 8 years ago I started that project, and, um, and a lot of people say, Rene, this is not going to happen. Who do you think you are? You're talking about that kind of money, you're talking about that kind of project, you're talking about this and this and this and this. Do you realize what you're talking about? This is not going to happen.

This is a fantasy.

We're now 8 years later and we're in the last straight line, uh, for signatures and stuff. And I was like— and now the people say this, the same people said, Rene, you're so lucky. I said, there is no luck attached to it. It is so many people give up just before they hit the gold. They, they give up. And that is so— I mean, I feel for these people because I could have give up and said, hey, you know what, I'm gonna look for a nice, safe, secure job and, you know, work from 9 to 5 and that's it for the rest of my days. Have a expansion and keep everybody happy. But that, you know, when you know you're gonna hit it and you're like right before the point you're gonna hit it and then you give up, is so sad. And that's why I always, always say to people, hey, listen, if you have a goal, if you're clear on your goal, if you have the right mindset and you know it's going to happen, just keep going. Have that confidence. Don't give up. We have to have that mindset. You have to shift that mindset. You have to pay a price as well. The reason I've been speaking now all over the planet is because I pay the price for it. And so many people don't want to pay the price. And I'm not talking about money. I'm not talking about money at all. I'm talking about, you know, the traveling, meeting people, uh, having $10 and say, hey, do I put gas in the car? Do I book a hotel room? I mean, for $10, you don't have a— you won't have a room. But anyway, it's a matter of speaking. Is it making those decisions. And I've been through the whole thing. If I look at Steve Harvey, who— how he started, right, uh, with— I think he had $35 and he had an opportunity to speak in Jacksonville in Florida. And then with that money, he took— he booked his ticket. He booked his ticket for New York in, in the— what was it, Apollo or whatever. And then he made another $1,500. He says, can you imagine? And, and we have to be persistent. You have to have that. You can't procrastinate. You have to just believe in it and have that mindset. Align that mindset with your goals for greater clarity and confidence, as the topic is all about. And that's— it's— I can only encourage people from my perspective is, is I kept going, I kept going, I kept going. I've been going now for 30 years. I'm growing constantly. And I can only say, hey man, join me. I mean, it's an amazing journey. It's, it's a very high star sale. It's not flat. It's like ups and downs, ups and downs. But hey, if you want something, I mean, go ahead, go ahead. You were saying something.

It is. It is. Well, it's absolutely why I explained to someone, I said, you know, along the career, I started off young as an entrepreneur. I became an entrepreneur at 18 with my first business. I won a contract responding to an RFP at 18. In fact, they were amazed. It was a state agency that was granting the RFP, and they were questioning if I I was old enough to manage the responsibility of this contract, you know, at 18. And not only did I excel in the contract, it was extended, you know, 2 more times, right? Everything that they set up as bonuses. So at 18, right? And but, you know, my grandmother was like, well, you know, you should get a regular job, you know, you should. So I did. I went into corporate and quickly realized that no, I was more suited to be an entrepreneur. My desire to be an entrepreneur started when I was 9 years young. I could see myself. I was telling my mom, I'm an international business tycoon, you know. And she was like, yeah, you can. And, you know, and I just— I knew it wasn't just— you know, a lot of times people talk about things at a surface level. I've never been just a surface level. Before I calculate something, I've done a math formula. Heck, I do a math formula on relationships. Sadly, I'd reduce a relationship to a spreadsheet. Sorry, kind of, you know, it is what it is. Like, you get 4 points for this, you get a deduction over here, and if you end up with enough, then it's worth, worth consideration, right? Absolutely.

Absolutely.

You know, it's just this idea. And what I realize, and you too know, that I too am raising capital for, you know, my next, um, you know, venture that I've started in the wellness space, and it's definitely something that I've been really passionate about. I've been working on this plan, you know, kind of loosely for about the last 15 years, but I needed certain market conditions to present themselves, and they did, and certain opportunities to come together that said, okay, now this is the time. So I'm right at the right time with the right season with the right solution. So everything is right, um, but that doesn't change that there are obstacles. That doesn't change that there are people in your circle. But here's what I realized too is we've heard the saying of the 5 people that you spend the most time with will determine the outcome of your journey. And so along this journey, about 6 months ago, there was, you know, in my meditation I received a message that said, they can't go. And I remember I was having a conversation with my son saying to him, all right, I keep getting this message that says they can't go. And I started laughing. I said, okay, and I'm okay with that. I'm just trying to figure out who are the they that can't go. And what began to happen is as soon as I accepted that possibility that they can't go, then the theys who can't go began to fall off. It was amazing to me how quickly leaning into that possibility began to eliminate. But guess what? The people who can go began to now have space to show up. My tribe, my tribe is configured very differently, and the people who are showing up are enrolled in this bigger idea. And instead of telling me what I can't do, are leaning into what they can contribute to possible outcomes. And with you and I, that's even the same way that we ended up not only communicating but collaborating. Hey, you have something, I have something. We can each use these things independent of one another, but it might be nice. Let's see what we could do together. Perhaps additional momentum because we're saying the same things, we're working truly in the same ways. We have similar beliefs about who it is we want to help and help heal. Hey, I want to know you, you probably want to know me. We're— our paths are probably going to continue to cross.

I remember Las Vegas like yesterday, 2023. My man, it was amazing. Yeah, Las Vegas 2023, December.

Yes, yes. So, you know, it's just you never know, you know, and I always say you never know, but it is definitely about those communications. It is about those, uh, conversations, and it's about being able to hold space for one another in sort of shared intentions, but recognizing what is the mindset that the person is bringing into that space. And are those people that you need to either help realize what they're bringing, or if you need to have discernment and realize that you need to let them have an off-ramp so that you can continue further along your journey.

I mean, in terms of like the, the what we have been sharing in Harness Authenticity to Build Trust, Improve Communication, and Achieve Results, is that I got a question in my— I was in, um, I was sharing in a training in the Middle East a week ago, and people say 'Yeah, but Rene, body language, can I use that for everything?' I said, 'Of course.' I said, 'Do know karma will catch up with you, whatever you use it for.' So make, make sure you use it for the right reason, right? Make sure you use it for the right reason and make sure that it is authentic. Because as we— you shared it with me as well, like a harness authenticity to build trust, improve your communication, and achieve results. Authenticity is so important. Um, that's also the title of the whole concept that we are building, is a Be Authentic As— no, no, I'm not going to say it— as a, you know, F-A-F. But anyway, those who are listening, they do know what we're talking about. But harness authenticity is that you can fake it until you make it, but when you fake it, that's a short-term result. When you really want to have a long-term result, faking doesn't work because there's always a gut feeling from other people. Hey, I, I, I, I, I love the person, I love that girl, I love that man, but if something is not correct, I don't know what it is. And it's that trust that will go down. Your credibility will go down because people don't trust you because there's something in their gut feeling that says— because not everybody knows about body language, right? The gut feeling says like I don't know what it is, but something is wrong. And that is why it's so important. You can use fake it until you make it short term, but don't think about making it long term by faking it. So harness authenticity to build trust and improve your communication. It's so important to really be very— how should I say— to be aligned with the true you. Be authentic. I mean, I asked you before we went online, Is this okay, or should I put on a t-shirt? Or, you know, be authentic as you are. I said, yeah, yeah, that's me. Because I'm traveling. Last week I was in, in, in the Middle East, in a Sudanese high, because it was required. But right now I'm traveling like quick, quick. I had to do a quick travel, so I'm authentic.

Absolutely. Because I think that's really what's important. I mean, when we think about it, and you're talking about people having an incongruent feeling, you know, you, you hear somebody say something and then there's something that's like, what, what is it? What's missing. We're speaking about that in terms of people, you know, over-promising and under-delivering. And oftentimes that's like the slimy, slick salesperson. Nobody wants to deal with a slimy, slick salesperson that's just trying to sell me something because they need to make a quota. And so it comes across as just that. And so it's people, you know, making promises. I'm always very concerned about what it is I communicate and the clarity in that communication. And I remember, uh, early along this journey, I was talking to one of my colleagues around my investment deck, for example, and he said, listen, I need you to go back and I need you to increase all your numbers. And I said, why? And he said, well, because my group of investors are going to automatically discount your numbers by 50% and it's going to look like it's not a good deal. And I said, but my numbers are actually conservative numbers. They are numbers that I know we will exceed, but I'm basically giving you numbers that are accurate with a very conservative spin. Sure, I can update them, and now that I know who your audience is, I will, understanding the context, right? But I did not create fluff numbers. I gave you the actual numbers, and here is what those numbers are based on so that you could do the same math that I did. You know, part of Completing your doctorate is that we learn how to do research. And the goal of doing a dissertation is that you complete a research study, and your research study, once published, anybody else should be able to pick up your study and follow your research methodology and produce the same outcome. Otherwise, there's some flaw in what it is that you put forth. I did a mixed method doctoral study, right, just to you know, take it up a level in terms of how much I was interested in wanting to understand that. But that's exactly what I say with my numbers. I've given you a set of numbers and scenarios and assumptions that I'm able to stand by confidently, and I know why, you know, these, these particular things are the things that I'm comfortable putting forth.

Especially in those numbers, we're not talking about €100 or $100, we're talking about a different number, right?

Absolutely.

In that area, because I'm in investment, investments myself as well, in, in, in that area, honesty is the best policy. Um, because the long term, you're gonna just lie to yourself and get yourself in so much trouble. So honesty is the best policy. I had the same issue, the, the same, uh, let's put it as a challenge. People say, yeah, but these numbers, this and these numbers. I said, listen, these are the numbers. 'And if this is not your cup of tea, that's okay too, and I'll look for somebody else. But these are the real numbers.' And, and people, 'Yeah, but, yeah, but.' I said, 'No, no, there's no but. This is it.' And that is what authenticity is all about. This is all, uh, you know, your communication has to be very authentic about the real numbers, the real facts, the real thing you're talking about. And it didn't give me any results short term, but it's definitely given me results long term. The reason I'm traveling the planet right now is that I'm very authentic. I do what I do, I share what I share, and it's all been proven scientifically in terms of the body language, that is the nonverbal communication, but also in terms of the investments that I'm doing now and having now coming my way, people investing in my company. We are authentic. We are authentic as F. I'm sorry, but I can't say the word.

It's okay. That's, that's all we have to say is authentic AF. Yes, we're teaching you how to be authentic AF, you know, Steph and Renee. Every Monday we want you to join us and gain skills, you know, build those muscles.

The details people don't see, they only see the bling bling, right? I was last week in an airplane, it's called a Fokker Fokker 100. The plane was about, I think, 60 years old. Not 16, 60. 6-0. It was like, so that, you know, when, when you, when you're sitting down and then the engines, the, the sound goes up because they're gonna take off, right? And I only prayed for one thing, that we could land in one piece, because that thing was like— but you know, these are the people, these are the things people don't see. They only see the bling bling. And I was praying to God, please, please, please put that thing on the ground safely for everybody, blah, blah, blah. But that is, you know, that's part of the business, that's part of the excitement of traveling and building your business, right? So yeah, and I was authentic as F in that plane too. I was like, me, please.

And that's okay. You know, it's important to set a clear intention. Right, recognize what your intentions are about and based upon. And, you know, definitely looking at what your factual set of data provides, but also recognizing that it's that— for me, it's that spiritual connection, it's that connection with, uh, a higher power that I believe it's guiding my steps. I'm here in the physical form executing on a business plan that was previously created. And so if I connect with the source, then the business plan is being fed. I think what happens oftentimes is we tend to get in, in the mud trying to figure out the how, when the how was not part of our assignment. Our assignment is to recognize the what and the where, and then recognize that there's a gap between where you are and what it is you want to accomplish. And so when you continue to, you know, you have to develop yourself within that gap. So what are the things that will fill that gap, shorten that gap, that'll ultimately end you up at that end game? So as a CEO of a company, it is our job to set the vision, find the capital, and identify the customers that are the right customers for our organization. So we're charged with capital, customers, and capacity. What size organization do we need to build? What type of talent must we procure to be able to execute on those business plans and promises? And how do we finance those things? That's all going to be the job of the CEO of an organization. And those of us who have had the opportunity to lead organizations— I've had the opportunity to lead multi-billion dollar projects and portfolios, um, you know, for 25 years. Before that, 15 years of a CEO of a company that I started and was able to scaled by way of a JV. So this is not something new for me. This has been the journey of my career. So as much as, yes, I've gone and earned some piece of paper credentials, but really my secret sauce is that I've executed on these business plans and advised 500 companies in all of the sectors. So I've run the plays, already know what the plays look like, and I've adopted the plays to the current market. I know how to identify the variables and I know how to execute. Now, somebody else who I'm communicating with— and again, this is why leaning into what you're saying about body language. Yeah, what is the body language? What is the posture that I should have when I'm in these communications? Are there opportunities to build upon and improve upon? Sure. We don't always have a space to gain feedback. That's why it's important to have places that you go to get feedback. I always say that there are things that we know that we don't know, and there's things that we don't know that we don't know. So it's important again to have those trusted colleagues that have expertise such as yours to be able to say, okay, well, Steph, you know, yeah, I heard what you said, but you know, that body language that you used to say it didn't really support what you were stating. So let's tweak that a little bit and maybe that will help you produce the outcome. But more importantly, what was the mindset the mindset that you had when you walked into the meeting. Did you walk into the meeting believing that you won? Did you walk into the meeting kind of anticipating? I tell people when I begin the conversation, before I have the conversation, what was the desired outcome of the conversation? Have I run the play? If it is that I want somebody to be able to sign a contract, do I have the contract ready for signature?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I, I have been teaching in the— why was I— the reason I was in the Middle East, I was teaching 2 sessions DBA, you know, and you're a DBA, you know what it's all about, right? And your knowledge, my knowledge, when we combine that knowledge together, what we are doing right here, and, and if there's— and that, that something I would like to ask people who are listening and watching this, if you are on the edge of should I continue or should I quit I can only say one thing: give a call to Dr. Stephanie, call me, like, connect with us. We are collaborating on such a high level, and we would really like to help you and, and show you a way, and show you the way that, you know, first of all, quitting is not an option, and secondly, there is something out there for everybody. And but it's so easy to quit, and when you quit, there's 100% chance nothing is going to happen. Right? And that's why we are here. That's why we are doing this. By the way, I could do other things tonight than having this chat with Dr. Stephanie. I could fly to the US and have a good cup of coffee with Dr. Stephanie. But, but the thing is, the thing is, we are here to help you out. We are here to, here to show you a way that if we can do it, anybody can do it. And I started with a hotel school diploma. I'm a certified chef. Originally, I mean, years ago, I mean, about many years ago. But you know, you build your business, you build it up, you build it up, you study, you go to seminars, you study, you go to the university, you go back, back and forward to do this, to do that. And then today we're at the point, and especially Dr. Stephanie, uh, and myself, we're at a point, if you are like, hey man, I, I, I don't see the light anymore, I know it's gonna happen, but I'm at that point, like, I need that extra guidance You know what, contact us and we will be happy and privileged and honored to show you the way how we did it. And I guarantee you 100% you're going to get there. We have to take that action for sure. Does that make sense, uh, Dr. Stephanie?

Absolutely. And what I've done is I actually put in the chat the link to our Business Presence Mastery opportunity so you can reach out to us. And believe it or not, you actually gave a great wrap-up. We're at the end of our time, so we want to just say, hey guys, if you what it is we're talking about, you want to learn how you can be authentic AF, not only in your personal but in your professional life and communications, check us out. We're here every Monday and we spend about half an hour sharing information and insights. If you'd like to have us come and talk to you virtually or in person at your organization, we've put our contact details in the chat so you can check that information and reach out to us as as well.

And Rene, yes, and what I would like to add is that in February we have one week, we're gonna spend one week together in Jamaica. For those who want to— I mean, I'm so excited about it. For those who want to join us in Jamaica, there's only place for 5 couples. It's a couple, uh, retreat, only 5 couples. So only 10 people because we're gonna go very much in depth in a lot of things. I mean, we can share the link here as well if you want, or I can share the link on, on, on the YouTube, whatever. We're going to share the links anyway. And, and make sure to attend, um, if, if you are interested in growing your relationship as a couple, make sure to attend because this is going to be 7 days. It's going to blow you away. And do remember one thing, Valentine is also in that retreat. So this might be an amazing opportunity for you guys to surprise your partner, your female partner for Christmas or for New Year's. I don't know if you already bought a present, but that's the most beautiful present. Or ladies, for your husband, most beautiful present you can buy for each other is joining us in Jamaica at the couple retreat in February, including Valentine's Day. And now I'm going to shut my mouth.

No, that's perfect. I'm so glad you mentioned it. I almost forgot to mention the Sacred union couples retreat in Jamaica. Oh yes, I'm overjoyed about this opportunity to spend that week with 5 couples. Oh my goodness, and to be able to help them transform those relationships even further. So yes, definitely check us out. We have great solutions and opportunities. And you know, make sure you mark on your calendar to join us again next week for another session of Authentic AF with Steph and Rene. And be authentic as F. Absolutely, absolutely. So until next week, we'll see you. Be well.

All right, ciao, bye-bye.