Are you Influencing the Growth of a Mentee by using the right Body Language?

Welcome ladies! There's no gentlemen besides me, so welcome ladies to this Zoom meeting, mentoring body language. It's an amazing subject when you think about it, and it says nothing and it says it all. Now, I met Frances last year in 2000— not last year, in 2019 I guess it was, in December with Mala Shah. During a seminar in London. Amazing experience. And we kept contact and then I start like looking into what Frances is doing and it's amazing what she's doing. And you might know Frances well, but I don't know if you know everything about Frances. And that's why I would like to ask Frances, would you like to introduce yourself, who you are, where you're from, what you're doing and why you're doing it? Okay.

Oh, hello everyone. Um, yeah, I'm Frances. I live in North London, um, at the moment, but I was born in, in Birmingham and, um, had quite a troubled childhood. And I always knew there was more out there, and I think that was being my driving force all my life is I didn't always know what I wanted, but I always knew what I didn't want. And there was this driving force behind me. So I hit 20 and went off traveling for 7 years. And, um, that gave me so much because I learned to speak other languages and gave me experience of other cultures, which when I went back to the job market I came back from travelling with a little bit more than I bargained for. And she's 30 this month. Hello, Jessica. So I went through all of that, and I remember being pregnant with Jessica and making this thing that I never wanted her to suffer coming from a single parent. And I remember we came back from travelling and I was sleeping on the floor at the YMCA. She'll laugh at this because she goes, oh, here we go again.. And I didn't sit there feeling sorry for myself. I made plans for the next 10 years, and that driving force was always there. And we did— I bought my own house within 6 years. And Jessica, hopefully you've never suffered coming from a single parent. And, you know, I always wanted Jessica to reach for her dreams and be her true self. So together then, on the journey we've had together, we've both educated each other, and I couldn't be more proud of her, you know, sort of moving forward. And I just understand the value of stepping out of your comfort zone and educating yourself, and personal growth is so powerful that I know when I look back to the, the little girl, um, you know, when I was with my mum and dad, even the young woman when I was with Jessica, it's a different woman, you know. And that's all been just this enriched being fearless, you know, to being fearless, knowing that if you go somewhere and it goes wrong, you've learned something, even if it's not to go there again. So this powerful journey that I've been on, and I look back now, why the connections I've got with people is that I was the first battered baby ever publicised in England. I went to hospital at a couple of months old. I'd got 50-odd broken bones, blood on the brain, and it was nasty. Have I let that define who I've become? Absolutely not. I've had a great life. Yes, it's been brilliant. And the more I talk to people and enrich them to make decisions to reach their potential and not let a situation they were, they're in or was born into define who they become. So meeting with Rene and body language, oh my God, I can't wait for him to talk to you about. It's a whole new language. So I'm just excited about learning more. Why didn't I get this before, Rene? Couldn't I have known you when I was 20? So that's a bit about me and my journey, and I'm excited for Rene to tell you about his as well.

Well, thank you, thank you, Frances. This is amazing what you come— where you come from and what you do today and where you're going to. I mean, there's always the past, the, the, the, the, uh, today, or how you call it, the present.

The present.

Okay, yeah, I'm still Belgian and my English is not too bad, but still, I'm sometimes— I have to think about words. And then you got the future, but living in the present is the most important thing. Learn from the past and go to the future and look at the future in a way you plan. You make your planning, you look at the future where you want to go. That's so important. However, living in the present is, as they say, yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today the present. That's why they call it a present. Now, what about me? I've been born in Belgium. I was born in Belgium at the Belgian coast and the Hollandish border in that upper corner there in a city called Knokke. Stayed there for 18 years, joined the Navy, and I was bullied like crazy when I was a kid, and I wanted to prove myself by going to the Navy. And once I was in the Navy, they said, "Yeah, but you got lucky." And I said, "Yeah, sure." We all got people who drag us down in life, And it's so important to understand that this is not, I mean, you shouldn't worry about that. They will do it anyway. So what is important is where are you going? And once I was in the Navy, I was looking around me, saw people with stars and stripes and I said, wouldn't it be great to become one of them? And I applied for sergeant and I got in. And people said, again, you're lucky because normally you're too dumb, you're not smart enough to do that. How do you do this? And I saw people jumping out of airplanes and I said, wow, wouldn't it be great to become one of them? Finally did that and they said again, you're lucky. I said, I'm not lucky at all, I'm paying the price for my dreams. And once I was sitting in an aircraft, I was looking at the pilot and I said, wouldn't it be great to become a pilot? And I went home and I couldn't wait to tell everybody, I'm going to become a pilot and this and that. And people say, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, easy, easy. You're not going to become a pilot. You're not smart enough to do that. You have to study. And frankly, honest, me and studying is not really a good match. But anyway, I did everything I could and I paid the price. And sure enough, a year later I was flying my own aircraft. So it's not about me, it's not what I've done. It's about going for what you stand for and just do it. Because people will have comment anyway, they will comment on you, they will talk behind your back, they will do whatever they can to drag you down. The main question is what do you want? What do you want out of life? Now further on the way, uh, further along the way, I, I joined the army, stayed for 7 years in the armed forces, in Belgium Armed Forces, in Germany. And then from there I got back to Belgium because I got, I got so fed up with the army, with the system, and, uh, stayed for 4 years in different, uh, jobs. And in 1995 I bought my first book from Tony Robbins, and I said, wow. And the title of the book is Notes from a Friend. It's a very tiny book, you can read it in less than 2 hours. I was like, what the heck, I want to meet that guy. And everybody said, Rene, think twice, he's a multimillionaire, billionaire living somewhere in California. Who do you think you are? He will make time for you. And I said, I don't know, let's see, watch me, I'll show you. I was that naive. So I started my own business in personal development and it didn't take off immediately. I mean, on the contrary, I've gotten in debt far, I mean so deep, but then worked around that and built a business. And it only took off like, let's say 8 years ago. I started in 1995, which is 25, 26 years ago, but 8 years ago it really took off. And what happened is that I went to my first Unleash the Power Within with Tony Robbins, and I was like, wow, that's amazing stuff. But what's wrong with these people? They're dancing, they're jumping, they're singing, they're— what's going on with these people? What's wrong with them? But sure enough, an hour later, 2 hours later, I was jumping and singing and dancing myself. I was as nuts as all of them. So it was an amazing experience. But I said, you know what, this is the first step in the direction of a Tony Robbins. I said, that's amazing. And later on, I was approached by a guy in Brussels. He says, why don't you come to a seminar about health and wealth. And then, you know, it's with the peer group from Tony Robbins, it's called the Yes Group. And I said, yeah, why not? So I went and went to that seminar. It was an amazing seminar. He said, did you learn something? The guy who spoke at that seminar was a Portuguese guy. I said, not really. I mean, we're in the same business, we're in the same industry, but there's little things that really, yeah, that I think I can call a takeaway. He says, uh, all right. And he looked at me and he says, can I ask you a personal question? I said, of course. He says, sure? I said, yeah. He says, how many years have you been smoking? And I said, excuse me? Because that day, listen very carefully, that day I didn't smoke because I used to be a smoker years ago, many years ago. I quit smoking so many years ago, but I was a smoker at that time. I said, how do you know? And that day I didn't smoke because when you smoke in that, in this industry your credit goes down, funny enough. Anyway, and I said, yeah, I've been smoking for so many years. He said, wow, that's amazing. And how long are you trying to quit, been trying to quit?

I said, huh?

And so how do you know? He says, I can tell, I can see, I can, I can, there is something in me that says. I said, I've been trying for 6 months. I don't think it's something for me. I think the universe has a different plan with me. I think I'll be a smoker for the rest of my days. And period, that's it. He says, that's not true. You can quit smoking whenever you want. I said, that's amazing. All right, how can I quit smoking? Show me. He says, you know what, what you told me about your history in the army, etc., is this true? I said, yeah, it's true. He says, can you prove this? I say, yeah, I can prove this. So you can handle people, can handle weapons, you can handle certain situations? I said, it's been a while, but you know, yeah, of course. He says, I have something very special for you. It's amazing. We are 8 people around the globe and we are 7 today. We're looking for somebody like you. Would you like to join us? And I said, yeah, of course, what do you have? He says, I can't tell you. I said, just a minute, I don't get you now. He says, I can't tell you because what I have for you is for non-smokers only. And I went like, nah, come on, get lost. I got so nervous that night, I smoked like a chimney in my car driving back home.. And my clothes, everything, my car, it smelled like nicotine and tar and whatever. Now anyway, what happened is that it took me 3 months to take a decision. Long story short, so I went home that night and 3 months later I was standing in my carport looking at my kids, looking at my grandkids, because I'm already a granddad 3 times. And he said, Francis, or should I say Jessica? What happened is that I would look around me and I say, you know what, take the decision, not a decision, the decision. And I took the decision and I threw that cigarette away and I called the guy in Portugal and say, hey Ricardo, his name is Ricardo Mendoza, today he's one of my best friends today. I said, Ricardo, this is Rene, I quit smoking. And he says, I don't believe you. I said, excuse me? He says, no, you're gonna put the phone down and put another cigarette in your mouth. I said, listen, buddy, you have to listen very carefully now. I'm a Scorpion. Ascendant Scorpion. That means I'm a Scorpion double, right? I don't know if you believe in horoscopes or not, but I do know when I read— because I'm not really believing it, but I read the thing about Scorpions, and yes, pretty much me. I mean, Scorpion, Scorpion, when I take a decision, no way back. She said, you know what, I'll believe you. I will send you an email with some content, look at it, fill in the paperwork, send it back to me. And he put the phone down. I said, I was going to ask him, what do you have? And he, and I couldn't. So I called him back, called him back, answering machine, answering machine. I said, wow. And it took him 14 days, 2 weeks to send me that freaking email. Anyway, got the email and the subject was application for personal bodyguard for Tony Robbins. And I was like Whoa, boom! Still today I'm like, uh, emotional about it. Anyway, I filled in the paperwork. It was like they had to know everything, you know, but that's security reasons. Send that back, got a green light, and I toured with Tony for 2 years as his personal bodyguard. The thing is, when you put out something to the universe, if you put something out there to you towards the universe, you get it.. And I remember telling myself in 1995, I'm going to meet the guy, I'm going to collaborate with the guy. And I was like, wow, isn't that amazing? However, you have to work towards it as well. If you are going to sit on your, on your couch or on your whatever you want to call it and wait for it, for the thing to happen, it's not going to happen. You have to put some effort to it. So anyway, so did that for 2 years. Afterwards, I said, you know what, I'm gonna take this a step further, a step higher. And what happened is that I started chasing Veronica from Success Resources. Where she went, I went. I sometimes drove 16 hours for a 5-minute meeting. I don't know how many of you would do that. And some of the people I know very well and are very close to me, they said, Rene, you're nuts. I said, I'm not nuts. I'm paying the price. I went to certain seminars around the planet, paid for my travel, paid for my hotels, didn't get paid for speaking. The only thing I got paid for was what I sold from stage. Can you imagine? And a lot of my fellow speakers said, Rene, you're nuts. I said, no, I'm paying the price. And thank God I did this, because what came out of that was So amazing. Today I travel the world, I get paid for every gig I do, I get business class flights, you know, and that is, you have to put something in it before something comes out. Now I started collaborating with Veronica and she says, would you like to do some speeches for, in the name of Tony Robbins? I mean, some preview sessions, 3-hour preview sessions in terms of Unleash the Power Within, all over Europe. I said, yeah, why not? So I started traveling Dublin, Denmark, London, a lot in London and Birmingham, Nottingham, everywhere. I went everywhere around in Brussels speaking in name of Tony. I said, wow, this is amazing. And then all of a sudden I got the question like, would you like to represent Unleash the Power preview sessions in Thailand? I said, yeah, sure. And in Australia, I said, sure. So I started traveling and it's amazing what comes out of just taking that small little decision of doing what you dream about. And it didn't go all the way positive and, you know, moonshine and roses. And no, I went through some times, some bad times as well. I had my car broke down in the middle of the jungle in Calais in France. You know, the jungle where all the refugees are? In the middle of that refugee camp, in the middle of the night, my car broke down. Can you imagine? I was not really feeling at ease, you know, because those people have nothing to lose and I had everything to lose. So all things went well, but if you want to accomplish something in life, even those small things in life, you don't have to go where I went, but the small things, you have to pay a price. And if you're willing to pay a price for certain things to accomplish in life, you'll get there anyway. So what about the body language now? Because what I'm talking about with Tony Robbins is only 10% of what I do. 80% is body language. And body language for me is, became my main business. Now, how did that start? I was invited to a seminar about body language. And I said to those people who invited me, you can go, I'm not going. And they said, what? I said, no, body language, come on. This is for hippies, right? Body language, real. Oh, come on, get serious. Body language. And they said, come on, come with us, we're gonna have some fun. And you know what I said to them? I will join you, uh, you do realize I'm doing you a favor if I join? And they said, what? I said, yeah, I will do a favor, I will join you guys, but I don't believe in this. And I went to that seminar, and thank God I went because today it's my main business. I was like sitting on the tip of my chair and said, wow, this is amazing stuff. And then later on started my business and started focusing on body language. And why is because somebody said to me, Rene, you know, I had a business and I had like, it was like a supermarket in the personal development industry. I had NLP, I had health, I got wealth, I got name it, I probably had it. The only thing I didn't have was customers. And I was like, what's wrong? I mean, I've got everything. And somebody said, Rene, you have to have a niche. And I said, yeah, of course I have to have a niche, of course. And I went home asking myself, what's a niche? Seriously? I said, yeah, I learned it the hard way. So started focusing on body language. Little by little build up my business. And about 8 years ago, things started to happen. So 26 minus 8, as far as I know, that's 18. 18 years of preparation, and the last 8 years that it really took off. And that's how I see it. If, if, you know, success and building a business and reaching and grabbing your dream doesn't happen overnight, forget it. And if you say along the way I quit because 'Nah, I don't think this is really for me,' then quit. That's okay. But make sure to realize when you turn 80 or 82 and you're in that rocking chair looking behind on your life, are you going to regret that quitting moment in your life? Because regret, once that way, stuns, right? Now, into body language, is that What I found out is that there are certain postures and gestures and body language that will have an influence on yourself and on the people you're talking to. And what I mean about that is that people say, why is it always me? Why don't people understand me? It's always the same stuff. It's always negative. It's always— it's not working for me. And I do understand that. And the one thing people have to learn is to learn to level with people. And what I mean about that, when a Chinese person is talking to a Russian person, there's a 90% chance they're not going to understand each other. Would you agree? And by the way, if you have questions, please put them in the chat. I will, uh, I will, uh, answer them as much as I can, or answer them at the end, but make sure to have enough questions. Um, so if a Chinese people speaking to a Russian person chances are they're not going to understand each other because they're not speaking the same language. And if I would not level with you and I don't know you and I'm just rattling around about my business, you might say, yeah, sure, uh-huh, I hope this is, uh, pretty soon done because I'm done with this thing, uh, it's not really interesting. It's because I'm not leveling with you. The most important thing to do is to level. And to find out who you are in the first place. Who are you? Are you an emotional person or a rational person? Are you a team player or a solo player? Who are you, right? The, the very first thing to find out is who are you. When you find out who you are— and I have the 4 categories, it's based on the DiSC model. There's so many models out there But the DISC model, why do I use that model? Because it's an easy one. I mean, and, and my, um, content is not about this. My content is about body language. But I have to find out who I am before I can find out who somebody else is. Does it make sense? Right. So what I do, I will go through the DISC model and find out who I am. Am I a red, a yellow, a green, or a blue? I found out years ago, many years ago, I'm 80% red. Because you're not 100% one specific color. There's always bits and pieces from a different type of character. But I found out I was an 80% red. And when I know that and I speak to people and I ask them questions— because you have to ask questions—

why?

Multi-millionaires and billionaires never do the talking. They always ask questions. When you ask questions, you get content., and you can work with that content. So I will ask questions. My purpose is not to become a millionaire, billionaire. It's not on my mind today, but I will always ask questions to find out who somebody is. When I know that I'm speaking to a green person, and I know because I asked questions, I made an analysis, I found out they're very rational, very solo player, very calm and soft, right? I found out I'm gonna speak, start speaking green language. I'm gonna start speaking their language. I will step out of my red color into their green color and speak green language to a green person. And what I mean about that is I'm gonna level. When you leave that conversation, they will tell or say, gee, that is the first person that understands me. The only thing you did was leveling. Does that make sense? Now back to mentoring. Frances, do you want to add something? Because I'm— I would like you to say certain things as well. This is a two-way thing, right?

I was absorbed in that one. I think with mentoring, when I work with somebody, mentoring for me is to drive somebody into action that they wouldn't have done if you wasn't in their life. And I think when somebody goes for a mentor or for coaching or that sort of thing, that there's a lot of things— there's a reason they've come to you. And I like to talk to people, find out about them, and find out what their limiting beliefs are, what is actually holding them back. And I like to ask questions where a lot of the time people have the answer inside them. And then when you can bring it out of them what they want to do, they've got more. If I had a mentoring session with somebody and, and told them what to do, they'd probably half an hour later forget everything and move on to something else. But with mentoring, if you can get them by asking questions to know what they want to do ask them what action they're going to take to get there, they then have a, a connection to that. And because it's come from them, the person will more than likely move forward with it. So for me, with a mentoring session with somebody or working with someone, it's dictated by them, with me asking questions that trigger them to, to take action. And I think that sometimes when people are stuck— so many people suffer from procrastination They get up every morning, as Rene said, and our brain gets X amount of million thoughts, and we choose the 10 most negative. Why didn't we? And all this sort of thing. And changing that mindset to having positive habits and making these changes— mentoring is about mentoring you to become who you should be. And I totally believe that Everybody should walk this earth being who they're meant to be and not have other people keeping them small or worried about what people say. And there's so much fear, and I think the most debilitating emotion that people have is fear, fear of rejection. But you go to a graveyard, I go up to my mum's, and you walk around the graveyard. I am not going to be in my grave looking, thinking I was, I was restricted by fear, you know. I want to go into my grave sidewards, living life to the full with pink hair and a glass Prosecco in my hand. I'm out to live life to the full, and if I can help anybody else live whatever their true life is, then it, it's wonderful. And that's what I really think a mentor, um, should be, is help that person they're mentoring become who they should or want to be.

Yeah, totally with you, Frances. I'm growing— my thesis is I'm growing old disgracefully and I'm loving it.

Absolutely.

So, so in terms of— that's amazing. I mean, but in terms of body language, if you level, there's certain ways of leveling, would you agree? So the first way The first way is just find out who you're talking to. Find out who are they. Are they emotional people or rational people? For example, people who dream a lot, who have a lot of dreams and they like, they're very emotional, they're team players. They're like, wow. Where rational people are more like in their own cocoon, you would say, right? So who are they? And just adapt, level with them. Now the second way of leveling is to find out where people are looking. And I will ask you a question and I will say, hey, how was your trip to— I'm always using the same example. People watching this YouTube thing or this recording will say, oh, there we go again, Egypt. How was your trip to Egypt last year? And if you would go, if you would look up left, I mean, in Zoom it's the other way around, right? But if you would look up left that way and think about it, that will be completely normal because you're remembering something. If I would ask you, hey, what's the agenda for next week? And you will look up right, that would be completely normal as well because you're making a construction. So if I would ask you, how was your trip to Egypt last year? And you will look up right For me, that's an indication you're making a construction of something. And I was like, well, shouldn't you remember it instead of making construction? Now, don't base your analysis on one question and one answer. And what I mean about that, that person you're asking that question to might be so busy that day, or might have been so busy that day, they really have to make construction of something they should be remember. So make sense, right? So an analysis is based on 6, 7, 8 different questions. So each time you got a red flag, because for me that's a red flag. I ask you something to remember and you're making a construction. I had a lady in London, I had a coaching session with her, she started crying. I said, why are you crying? She says, yeah, I didn't want to tell you the truth because I'm a bit ashamed of the truth. I said, why would you be ashamed? Why, why are you here? You're asking me to coach you and you can't share the truth.

Why?

She says, yeah, you know, I'm a bit ashamed. And the thing happened is that each time I asked her a certain question about emotions or rational, she was looking the wrong way. And I said to her, would you please stop lying to me? And she went like, what? But she knew I was right. And that is— these are the first things to do in body. Everybody says body language, oh yeah, this is close. No, body language starts here. What body language is based on feelings. How you feel is what you're going to express through your body language. Did you know that nonverbal communication is 93% of all communication? 7% is only words. Hello? Wouldn't that be interesting to know how that works? So what I mean about that is that she started answering questions in the complete right way because she says, you know what, I'm gonna trust you. I said, that's the whole thing, is you have to trust your coach.

That's it.

She started trusting me, she started telling everything, and each question I asked, she was looking the correct way. I said, wow, isn't that amazing? So leveling, the next way of leveling, never The next way to level with somebody is to ask them questions. Look the way they look when you ask the question. For example, some— so when they look left down, right? Zoom again, it's the other way around, right? Left down. What happens is that they're thinking about— it's internal dialogue. They're thinking about— let me give you an example. I was coaching somebody in Brussels, and the lady, as she said, I asked her a question and she says yes. And she answered my question very slowly, very slow. And I knew it because she was looking left down. And left down means they're busy thinking about a thousand things. And ladies, you know what I'm talking about. The brain of a lady is like the super internet highway, right? Everything is connected with everything. You're thinking about, my husband is gonna be late, uh, the washing machine broke down, I have to pick up the kids from school. There's like 1,000 things you're thinking about. And in the meantime, you're asking, you're answering the question of the coach, but in a very slow way. So when somebody is looking left down, answering your question very slowly, they're thinking about 1,000 different things at the same time. What I did, I smashed my hand flat on the table, but off, and she went like, whoa, what's that? I said, what were you thinking about? And she says, how do you know? This is also— these are signs about body language, about what, where is somebody looking at, where and why, right? And this is very interesting to know. Now there's another thing that you have to know about leveling, is that we all got a brain, right? Otherwise we wouldn't be here. But do you know we have a left brain and a right brain? The right brain is your emotional brain. The left brain is your rational brain, and it's connected diagonally with your eyes and your ears and the rest of your body. So your right eye is connected with your left brain. Your right eye is your rational eye. Your left eye is connected with your right brain, which is your emotional eye or brain. Does that make sense? So the next way to level is if I would ask you an emotional question It's like that Chinese talking to that Russian person, they don't understand each other. I will make sure that my correct brain will connect with your correct brain. So I will look in with my left eye into your left eye and ask an emotional question. That way I will connect my right brain with your right brain. If I have a rational question, I will look with my right eye into your right eye So my left brain is connecting with your left brain. That way, both cases will have a result from a far more higher level. Does that make sense? So if this is cold or closed, it starts here. Body language is neuroscience. And do know, for those who follow— I don't know, is there anybody that followed NLP? An NLP course? You did, Jessica, and Heather as well. Body language is a very tiny piece of NLP. However, I took that very little tiny piece of body language and I—

how you say that—

extracted it. Is that correct? I made it bigger.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I went in depth. I went far more in-depth in body language because I know it's so important. And when I say non-verbal communication is 93% of all communication, it's only 55% is body language and 38% is intonation. Can you imagine somebody is speaking to you like, you'll fall asleep after 5 minutes? So intonation is so important, right? 38% is intonation, 55% body language. Together they form non-verbal, and this is transferred from subconscious to subconscious, and that's a different story. However, Frances, would you like to add something?

Yes, it's when you're, um, a reason I now signed up with Rene Deceuninck's course is because I know that these skills will not just enhance my day-to-day life, they will enhance my business skills. And when you speak to, to someone and you're finding out their why, because that is the driver for everybody, is why do you get up in the morning, why are you doing the job you're, you're doing, why, why, why. And if you're unhappy with things, connect with why you want to do something different to gain something different. So connecting with that story, um, it's got to be the main thing because that's what will make you get up in the morning, not put morning TV on. It will make you read a book or do something to gain a value. And I always thought— I, I'm a Reiki master and spiritual healer. I don't do it as a business, I just do it as a way of life. Um, I love it that, um, I have somewhere to go and just unwind and just stop for a while. So when I'm talking to people and coaching them, I can connect on a spiritual level with them, um, as well. And all this is so powerful, but the skills you can get from Body Language— and I thought I was quite good, and I think intuitively I'm okay on a certain level. I can read if somebody is bored of you, if somebody's ready to go and do something else, and I can read the body language. And I know when somebody's totally engaged. But this course is on a completely different level, or the training that Rene does, that I know it's going to unlock something in me to enable me to do my job better. And that's what I'm all about. It's about being the best version of me I can, because unless I'm filling my cup and I'm honoring myself and educating myself, how can I expect to work with others at my highest level. I can't. So, um, with body language, it's a whole new world for me, Rene. A whole new world. It's like, oh my God, it's like a totally different language.

And the funny part is that people, uh, send you email. I said I got an email, I was in Tehran, and for a company with oil distributors, there's 25 people who are in the oil industry, and there was one person has nothing to do with oil industry. He was in military and he drove 4 hours through the desert to come to join the seminar and then drove 4 hours back through the desert to go back home to his place where he was in the military. And I got an email from an email with a video from an officer, from a lieutenant, to thank me. Hey, thank you so much that my guy followed your course, etc., etc., because today he's doing this like this, this like that. And it's amazing how he, I mean, grew, the growth he went through because of following body language. I said, wow, that's amazing. But I've got different people all over the planet, like from Thailand. They now ask me to translate, and they asked me like a while ago, it's already online over there, to subtitle the course in Thai. And they did put it on the market over there in Thailand, and it's going crazy over there. We're now doing the same thing in the Middle East, in Abu Dhabi. There's a company in Abu Dhabi, Najahi Events. They're going to translate it also in Arabic language. It's amazing what an influence body language has to a person. However, if you bring it in human language, and what I mean about human language, simply to adapt, to absorb, right? If I say to you, your right eye is your rational eye and your emotional eye is your left eye, I want you to remember one thing, and that's what I call human language. We all know Rolls-Royce, right? How many of you don't know Rolls-Royce? Anybody? I think we all know Rolls-Royce, right? Rolls-Royce, the logo of Rolls-Royce is RRR. Remember Rolls-Royce for the rest of your days. RRR, right, rational. Your right eye is your rational eye. And if you forget about it, think about Rolls-Royce. Rolls-Royce, RR, right? Rational. So when now the next conversation you have with somebody, maybe your husband or your friend, go ask them an emotional question and look with your left eye in the left eye and say, hey, can I ask you something? You'll be surprised about the results you're going to get. Okay, now there's another thing you have to understand about body language is that we all communicate with people, right? People are important in our lives. I mean, look at what it's done. We don't meet people. It's a complete messed up thing. But people communicate with people, and what happens is that we are in a conscious state. And in conscious state, what I mean about that, when I say something to you, you're listening to it. This is conscious. This is happening in the moment. When I touch something, this is happening in the moment. When I taste something, that's happening in the moment. That's why it's called conscious. So whatever happens in the conscious way, right, is transferring from one brain to another brain. You will be transferring 40 bits of data per second from a conscious mind to a conscious mind. Just to show you how important body language is, 40 bits of data per second from a conscious mind to a conscious mind. What you say, what you hear, what you touch, what you taste— 40 bits of data. Body language goes from subconscious to subconscious. Not conscious, because you're not aware of it. Until today, you didn't think about body language, right? Now, when I transfer body language from my brain to another brain, I will transfer 40 million bits of data per second. That means body language is 93%— nonverbal is 93% of all communication, goes from subconscious to subconscious, and will transfer 40 million bits of data per second, 1 million times more And this is proven, this is science, this is not me, right? This is science, this is proven. Now that information will be processed in the brain of that other person you're communicating with and will come back to you with an answer or statement or a question based on what you told them, including your body language. Isn't it funny when you hear the quote, the outside world is a reflection of yourself? Does that make sense? Ever heard that quote? The outside world is literally a reflection of yourself because you did put out something, it came back to you. Processed though, but it came back to you. So that's so important to understand that conscious is very important. However, the subconscious will transfer 40 million bits of data per second. And then we got the last part of that brain called the RAS, reticular activating system. And it's that system of the brain that will search for what you think about. Now, the late Wayne Dyer used to say, what you think about on a daily basis is what you get. And it is so true. It is so true, right? So what you think about is what you get. Don't think about pink elephants. I guarantee you tonight during your sleep you're going to dream about it, right? Your reticular activating system will look for it. If you are taking the decision to buy a new car, let's say you go to the shop and you, you took the decision you're gonna buy a complete new Volkswagen, Volkswagen Golf for example, and you go to the shop and you negotiate, you come to a deal and you drive home in your, uh, Volkswagen. I guarantee you for the next coming days you're going to see Volkswagens everywhere because your focus went there. So where focus goes, energy flows. Does that make sense? Right? So that means if you're focusing on negativity, you'll get negative people towards you. They will produce a certain body language that will influence your body language, and before you know it, you're going in a down-going spiral of negativity, and it's so freaking hard to get out of it. If you surround yourself with positive people though, The Upgoing Spiral will happen as well, and you don't want to get out of it because their body language will influence your body language. Your reticular activating system will look for more of that. The more you think about what's going on in your life— your finances are not good, your partner, my kids, my job— the more you think about this, the more you're going to get about it., the more you're going to get from that thing, right? The negativity and, and what's happening wrong and what's not going well for you. The more you think about the positive things that might come your way, you said, hey, look, I'm doing this, I'm doing that, and I know I'm going to get there, and this is my future I'm looking at. Why is a vision board so important? Is to make sure that your reticular activating system is looking for ways to get there. And it's the same with body language. If you use a positive body language, believe it or not you'll get positivity coming your way. That's why it's so important. I mean, uh, during the course I will show you certain things as well, like open hands. I don't know if you paid attention right now during this session, but I use a lot of my hands. So it's so important as well to— if you're in front of camera, for example, to make sure you only have this above your head, that the middle of your body is— people can see that. And why is that? So you can use your hands. You can lean forward, backwards, left, right, etc., etc. Do this, do that, but make sure half of your body is— people can see it and you don't have that much space above your head. So people like Jessica, that's amazing how you're sitting. Francis as well. Heather, a little bit up. Gail also. Things like that are so important when you're in front of the camera. Because then you can use your full body language and people say, oh my God, is it— because this open hands is inviting, is saying I'm vulnerable, I'm inviting you, I'm open, I'm honest. Why do you think Obama was always like this? I mean, not always, I mean 80%, right? Where Trump was 80% like this. Look at YouTube, for example. Berlusconi from Italy, always like that. Old videos from the German war from Hitler, always like that. Dominating, arrogant, and very demanding. And it's so like, ugh, in your mind, maybe not in your conscious mind, but in your subconscious mind, right? Francis, do you want to add? Because I keep on speaking and it's almost 11 o'clock. So Francis, you want to add?

Something. And more so, possibly ask any questions. Is there anybody wanted to, um, ask anything? Or—

yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, yeah. As I know with— I mean, the one thing I wanted to say, um, definitely is I think that we should honor ourselves every day by doing something for ourselves. So I just wanted to pay respect to you for being on here and honoring yourself to learn about something that you either didn't know about or you wanted to learn more, to add skills to what you already have. And I think by doing these things each day make us feel better about ourselves. And as women, we are goddesses, and goddesses are every emotion— good, bad, everything. We are everything. It's what we choose to feed that makes us the person. So if you're feeding yourself positive energy, you're surrounding yourself with positive people, then they say— is it right, um, Rene Deceuninck and Nana Jessidy? You become the main 5 people around you influences. If you've got 5 negative people that are your main people around you, your people, and they're negative, it can drag you down. So sometimes growth means you have to release people And as Rene said before, it's not always easy, but then having what you want and living your true life is worth the battle. And sometimes saying no is— and no is a wonderful word, it's just the opposite of yes. So don't be frightened to say no, I don't want that. No, I don't want to go there. And actually, no, I don't want you in my life anymore. So be the goddess and stand in your power because we're all really— we're all individual. And once we believe in ourselves, then the people that believe in us will be attracted to us. So I just wanted to say that, really.

Absolutely. If you have any questions, please shoot. I mean, we're here to, to, to learn and to ask and to— and don't be afraid. It's a small group. And, and whatever question you have, there's not such a thing as a dumb question. There's always a dumb answer, but not a dumb question. So please shoot. And it's very quiet. Unmute yourself.

I was going to ask a question about mirroring. I had— I've read up a little bit about body language because I wrote a training program based on teaching people face-to-face business networking. And the reason I did that is because I've got this great belief that everybody should be a networker, whether it be face-to-face or digitally. And then I read a Body Language book about mirroring, and I have to say I did try it once, but I did feel like it was almost like, not taking the piss, but you know what I mean, like, you know, you were like mirroring it and it was too, I felt it was too obvious. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Yeah, mirroring, mirroring, matching is an amazing system to use. I'm gonna, I'm gonna add something very specific, is that people ask me, can I use body language for everything? I say to that, yes. Do know one thing though, right? Karma does exist. If you use body language in a negative way, it will come back to you as well. Right now, mirroring matching is a system that when we speak to each other, I will mirror, I will copy-paste your gestures or your posture. When you change, I'll change. You change again, I'll change again. You grab for a glass, I will grab for my glass, even if it's empty. You take something else from the table, I will take the same thing in a restaurant, for example. And then before you change, I do something different, I guarantee you there's an 80% chance you will do the same thing that I do. You will copy-paste me, mirroring, matching. Now again, do it in a positive way. Make sure that you know what the purpose is of doing this, because if you use it for the negative, you'll get the negative back. That's for sure. I guarantee you that. I did that in Italy. I used to have my guy in Italy, in Milano, was my IT guy, and I went there sometimes and we had some fun and One day he said, would you join me outside? I'm going to smoke a little cigar. I said, yeah, of course, no problem. What happened is that I started mirroring him and he was not aware of it. And I said, Luca, listen, are you not aware of the fact that I'm mirroring you? He says, no kidding. I said, yeah. So what I mean about that is when you do this, do it very subtle, because when people find out you're mirroring them, you might lose the conversation, a deal, a business, whatever. So if you're not comfortable with mirroring somebody after 1 minute or 30 seconds, stop doing it. However, try it again the day after, and if you're not feeling like, "Nah," stop doing it because you're doing something unnatural and they might find out. But the more you do it, it's like driving, start driving a car, start playing piano, the more you do it, the better you become. Makes sense. So copy-pasting somebody's gestures one time, two times, three times, four times, and then all of a sudden you change before they change, they might be copying you. The conversation will go through the next level, and whatever you ask to that person might be a yes towards you. Might be— there's no insurance, there's no— it's not sure, right? There's no guarantee, but it is a system of working. What they do, for example, where do they use that a lot? In interrogations. Where do they use that a lot? In sales, for example, you can use that. If I would be you, I mean, a lot of people ask me, what does my body language tell you? The first thing I say, come here, come here, and I whisper in their ears, we don't want to know. And the next thing is that, yeah, but what should I do with my body language?

Nothing.

Be you.

Be natural. Because when you're honest and you're natural, you don't have to be— you don't have to worry about your body language, right? Just be you. And if you say that I have certain gestures I shouldn't be using in my sales pitch, then don't. But the more you do it, the better you become.

And the opposite to you, Rene Deceuninck, you said you were 80% red, um, I'm 80% high ID. And 20% red.

Every single character on this planet is unique. Yeah, the reason you want to find out is to level, is to get to the next, to the same level of the same way people think, and you get into their world. If you, if you have a like a little kid, 8, 9 years old, and they're full of fantasies and stuff and this and this and that, you step into their world Oh yeah, really? Tell me all about it, I want to know. And they're going to get excited. Can you imagine a parent would say, nah, come on, get serious, this is not my— the kid will be like, oh, okay, right? Mirroring, matching, stepping in somebody's world, speak the same language, you'll get— you will create a relationship that goes beyond your imagination, even in your personal relationship with your partner. If you can step in each other's world and each other's way of thinking. I mean, a lot of you— do you realize when, when they would follow this body language course that a lot of people that are on the edge of getting to a divorce would quit divorcing because they start thinking about stuff, they start communicating, they start using body language, right? But then you have to have two people open enough to talk about it, if that makes sense, right? If one is not open enough, different story. But if you both are open enough to discuss matters, I mean, my partner, she's into coaching as well. When people go through divorce, what happens after the divorce? The company is called New Beginnings. It's here in Amsterdam, I'm in Amsterdam for the moment. She is also leveling with me. And sometimes I have to admit, hmm, didn't think about it this way. You're right. Right? But you have to be two people open enough to have a conversation about certain stuff and admit when you learn something as well, if that makes sense. So yeah, is there anybody has any other question, different question, another question, or please shoot? Welcome, Zoe.

You're muted, Jess.

Yeah, I was telling this dog to be quiet before I, before I unmuted myself, uh, but she's not, so we'll just continue. I had a question Question just going back to something you said at the beginning, and thank you, everything's been so valuable. Just in terms of like the rational and emotional questions and looking in someone's eye, I was wondering as well, like, just to go back over that because I didn't write it down and I know myself, I'm gonna be thinking about it all afternoon. And then the other thing was in terms of that and, you know, being tactile and touching people, and, you know, touching them on a certain side, would that also connect in that way?

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So to go back to what I told you about the right, right, left, left, to remember the right eye is a rational eye. Remember Rolls-Royce, the logo RR. So the right eye is the rational eye. Okay, why would you use them? Why would you look with your right eye into somebody's right eye? Is because you want to connect the left brain with the left brain. The eyes are connected with the brain diagonally, like this and like this. Okay, you can also find something on our website as well. I think it's on the about page. You'll find some stuff about that on the bottom, including pictures about it. So, and it's for free. I mean, don't worry about getting an invoice, but What I mean about that, when you think about something, you have a rational question. For example, later on to your partner, you have a rational question about taxes or accountancy or whatever, and you turn slightly to the left, you look with your right eye in the light, right eye, and say, hey, listen, honey, I got a question about our taxes later on that we're going to go through, and the accountancy. What do you think? When would be a good time to take care of that? You're looking with your right eye into their right eye you're going to connect the left brain, the rational brain, with the rational brain. And chances are that your answer to your question will be from such a level, it's going to blow your mind. You're going to say, oh wow, this is working. When you have an emotional question, for example, what is an emotional question? It's about holidays, it's about food, restaurants, buying something, an emotional thing, right? So you turn a little bit to the right, look with your left eye into the left eye of the other person, said, hey, I've got a question. I mean, have you been thinking about this summer? Are we planning something for holidays or whatever? And left eye, left eye, so you're going to connect the right brain with the right brain. You're going to speak the same language. Make sense? Touching somebody is the same thing. If you touch somebody on the right or on the left, make sure to realize that right is the other way around for you. Right? So, and how can you find out all of these things? Again, is by asking a ton of questions to people. A ton of questions. People ask me something, wow, you ask a lot of questions. I say, yeah, do you mind? Oh no, no, no, it's okay. I say, okay, can I ask you a question? I say, of course you can ask me a question. Now, when people— I want to add this one, it's a very important one. When you ask a question to a person and they answer your question with, "I don't know." Ever had that experience? You ask them a question, "I don't know." The next most important question on this planet is asking, "I know you don't know, but suppose you would know, what would it be?" And by asking that second question, "Suppose you would know, what would it be?" You're activating the brain and they will start thinking. And if the answer is again, "I told you, I don't know." I say, "I know you don't know, but suppose you would know, what would it be?" And if you do that 3, 4 times in a row, you'll get an answer. Okay? So never be afraid of asking that question once or twice or even 3 times. So it's so important to have that question ready. I suppose you would know. It's the best question on the planet. So are there any other questions? Anybody?

Yes.

Me again. Yeah, I love that question. The other question I had was, you know, you mentioned like, you know, Obama being so open and then like, you know, these other characters being more closed. I'm wondering now, 'cause I'm thinking about clients or students that we work with, and I'm wondering if we're seeing this downturned body language, is that showing maybe unwillingness to be vulnerable? Is that what that was sort of showing?

Yeah, it's, you have to look at the situation. Where are you? Which building are you? What space are you in? What's the weather like? What's the, I mean, all depends on a lot of things. When people, when people look at you and they, they look away, for example, Is there anything wrong? Can I ask you a question? Would you like to look in my face? I mean, is there a problem looking into my face or not? I do really. I mean, 30 years ago I didn't do that. I was not really keen on asking questions like that. Today I don't care. I just ask the question. And why is that? Because people will give you, like Francis mentioned earlier, A yes and a no, you'll get them anyway. A yes or no, it doesn't matter. But if not asking the question, you'll have an open question that will never be answered if you don't ask that question. So what I do is say, hey, is there anything wrong? Would you like to look into my eyes? And if you're not comfortable looking into my eyes, look into my third eye. And people get comfortable by doing that. So, oh, okay. I said, don't look left or right, look at my third eye. If that makes you more comfortable. And most of the people, 80% of people who are looking away or not being comfortable by talking to you, 80% will look into your third eye. So I don't know if that answers the question a bit, Jessica.

Yeah, it does. It sort of reaffirms what I was thinking in terms— in, in the context that I would be looking for it, you know. So that really helps. Thank you.

And what you could do as well is using the mirroring, right? If they're not comfortable and they look away and they're like, nah, they don't want to share, you can do the same thing. It's like Eric, um, Milton Erickson was a psychiatrist, psychologist, and he's in fact the guy on the basis of mirroring matching. He, what he would do, he would copy paste everything. Somebody would come into his office, would say, oh doctor, I don't feel well. And he would say, oh really, is that so? Take a seat and I will listen. He will copy-paste the voice, the tone of voice, loud, quiet, fast, slow. He would copy-paste every single bit. And you know what happened in the mind of that person? Wow, somebody like me, you know. And that's also a way of leveling. So yeah. So anybody else with a— you okay with Jessica with the— all right, awesome.

Anybody else has a question or a suggestion or a statement, or please feel free to say to Heather when we have our one-to-one, we'll practice a bit of this.

I was going to say really back to what Jessica was saying is I'm a, um, I'm a very touchy-feely person. Right, I always have been, right. When I talk to people, I put my hand on their arm, but I know that there are times I feel it's not appropriate because you can tell by the way somebody talks to you if it's appropriate to touch their arm or not. And I have many times I've had to pull myself back because it's, it's just not appropriate. Some people just don't like it. Some people just don't like it, and I find that difficult because I've always been a touchy-feely person, you know. And especially now with COVID I'm really, really, really having to now watch what I do.

Yeah, but what you mentioned is true. You do have to realize that there's, uh, about plus 40,000— it's about 6,800 languages on this planet. 6,800+ languages on this planet. We got 194, 195 countries on the planet. We've got about 41,000+ dialects or alternative languages on the planet. And still, body language is global. One thing though, there are cultural differences. If you do this in Bangladesh, right, thumbs up, you better run. It's very aggressive, very offensive. I told that in Iran. I said, do you know in Bangladesh? And there was a lady, sir, can I tell you something? In Iran too. So I'm still learning myself from time to time. But the thing is, wherever you come from, I mean, I'm staying here now with a family, Colombian family, They're very touchy. That's normal. It's a cultural thing. I mean, Latino countries, they used to touch people. They hold their arm or say, hey, how you doing? I'm touching them. It's a normal thing. This is a cultural thing. Now, if you are from a culture where people do that a lot and you know you're talking to somebody in London who is really ice cold, and because you asking enough questions, you find out they're a green one, they're very common, so very an introvert, you know, introvert, solo player, rational, don't touch them. Because the only thing you're going to do, you're going to create a distance between you and that person, and you don't want that. So by asking enough questions, you'll find out who you can touch and who you can't. And it's a fact, in certain countries it's a completely normal thing to do. In other countries, it's just nothing, you just don't do it. I mean, when I was in the Middle East, in certain countries in the Middle East, you don't touch ladies. And what I mean about that is shaking hands included. You don't shake hands in public with all certain— in certain countries with ladies. But when you know that, you just don't do it. Does that make sense? So this is— yeah, it's a cultural thing. I know, I— so, and not everybody appreciates that, funny enough. So yeah, anybody else has a Question? No questions? No more questions?

Well, I think Rene, it's getting on for quarter past now, so, you know, respecting your time, and thank you all for being here. I mean, connect with myself and Rene on our social media platforms. I think Rene, you were saying on your website you've got links and that for people to have a look at.

Yeah, so if you want to know more about body language, visit my website. It's my name.com, so rene-deceuninck.com. Visit my website, have a look at it, and if you find it something interesting, please take away— take it away. I mean, what you might be— what might be very interesting for you is, for all of you, is go to my Pinterest account. What I mean about that, and if you don't have a Pinterest account, create one. It's very, it's very interesting. And if you go to the bottom of my website, you got all the links. So Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, Pinterest, etc., etc. Click on the Pinterest one because on Pinterest you got pictures with comments on it. So you don't have to scroll through all the Facebook or Instagram, whatever. You can have all these pictures with comments on it with a lot of information there on Pinterest. So it's amazing. But you can, I mean, feel free to link everywhere. I mean, What I use the most is LinkedIn because, because of business and stuff. I'm also on Facebook and Instagram, but LinkedIn is a big one for me. On my website you'll find email, you'll find my social media. Ask me questions, I'll be there to answer your questions, and I will answer your questions within 24— 24— 24/7— within 24 hours. ASAP, within 24 hours I'll come back to you. Okay, we're on Clubhouse as well. We're everywhere. So anyway, Thank you so much for being here. I hope you took away something from what you heard. Uh, hope it's working well, and I wish you all the best in whatever you do in the near future.

Thank you all for being here, and I look forward to seeing you all in our different networking groups and, and whatever, and seeing you soon for cuddles, Jessica. Um, have a great week, lots of love everyone, and so we can have a chat another time. I can send you the video um, from earlier. So, um, be safe, be well, and see you on social media. Take care, everyone. Thanks, everyone. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.