In this episode of Stand Sure Coaching, host Rob Anderson opens with a personal anecdote about a drink coaster from Señor Frogs in Cozumel that read “Trust me, you can dance.” He uses the coaster’s playful message as a springboard to explore the psychology of taking the first step toward confidence. Anderson cites a study from the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showing that people consistently underestimate how confident they feel after taking action, and he shares a coaching client story where a simple task—asking strangers for the time— broke down social anxiety. He connects this to neuroscience, referencing Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work on how the brain constructs emotions through prediction, arguing that action rewrites those predictions and rewires the brain with dopamine‑driven reward. Throughout, Anderson illustrates the principle with vivid personal examples: dancing at a wedding, a penguin‑costume party, rappelling off a building, and his own transition from a high‑paying corporate job to full‑time coaching. He emphasizes that confidence is built by movement, not by waiting for external permission, and invites listeners to start a coaching session with him, providing his email and social‑media contact. The episode blends research, neuroscience, coaching methodology, and personal storytelling to motivate listeners to take a concrete first step toward any goal.
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Hey, welcome back to Stan Stewart Coaching where we talk about real life, real growth, and moving forward. Man, that sounded like I read right off of a script. And I admit, I did. Now, by the way, I don't really write scripts for these. I use what's called mind mapping. But that part, because I've repeated it enough times I wanted to have a little bit of a standard, but man, that sounded just— it sounded so unreal. And you know, that's one of the things I'm finding with, you know, as I listen to a lot of audiobooks and there's a lot of audiobooks that are now going to AI voice and I can tell the difference and I really don't like it. I really like that human factor of audiobooks. And there's some audiobook actors or voice actors, I guess you would call them, that I really enjoy. So let me just start that again. Hey, welcome back to Stand Sure. I'm Rob Anderson. And some of the things that we talk about is going to be around growth, moving forward, which is what coaching is about, and about real life. What I want to go through on today's episode is something that is just— it was, it was simple. I was looking at a drink coaster this morning that I picked up in Cozumel. And it happened to be on the day that Brooks and I got engaged. It was a drink coaster, and it was from a place called Señor Frogs. Actually, I take it back. It was, it was a day, it was the day before we got engaged because we had been diving cenotes that morning and that afternoon, and we decided to go to Señor Frogs afterwards. And it was a drink coaster, and what it read on there was, trust me, you can dance. Now, at face value, you know, it comes across funny, it comes across as a joke, but it was signed by Yards. So again, the coaster said, trust me, you can dance, and at the end it said Yards as the author. And a lot of people don't really recognize what that implication is. And what it's really referring to is in a yard of beer. Now, when I was in Germany, beer was served— if you ordered bulk beer, you didn't order by the pitcher, Ordered it in— well, actually, you ordered it in meters. So it's a transition from that into yards. And it's— and I can't remember how many beers are in a meter. It might be 12 beers or something like that. But the implication is that, yeah, if you drink enough, then you're gonna dance. You know, when I looked at it, the more I thought, There's really a life lesson that's packed into that. So, let's talk about the psychology of taking that first step. And I really want to dig down into this. So, a study that was published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people that consistently underestimate how confident they feel after they take action. So, it's really that first step. You know, you have to step out. So, when I was working with one of my One of my coaching clients a few weeks ago who has a lot of social anxiety, their assignment was to go over and ask a crowd of people for the time of day. Go over and introduce themselves and then ask for the time of day. And once he took that first step, it's like the wall started to come down. Now, we still have a lot that we need to work on. It's not just a one-size-fits-all. It's not an easy cure. And it's not meant to be a cure. It's really meant— again, coaching is about moving forward. So, it's about taking steps that moves forward. But again, going back to the article that was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people consistently underestimate how confident they feel after they take that first action. So, in other words, we need confidence before we But actually in reality, it's that movement that creates the confidence. Action builds belief. Think about the last time you tried something new— dancing, public speaking, starting a conversation. The nerves usually don't go away until you actually start. That's why when I'm doing coaching with presentation skills, it's like if you can make it through the first 30 seconds, you're going to win. Once our brain releases dopamine as a reward for that forward motion, even small wins, they rewire your brain and they say, hey, you know, that wasn't so bad. I can do it again. But we wait for permission. Most of us are conditioned that we have to seek out permission. Permission to speak, permission to try, permission to be bold. We want someone to say, hey, go ahead, you're ready. Get on out there, you got this. But here's the truth, that permission doesn't always come from other people. It has to come from inside ourselves. Or in the case of the coaster, it comes from the yards. The yards of beer. It's funny how we'll let a drink give us more courage than our own self-belief. I mean, think about the times you've heard people talk about liquid courage, right? And I, you know, I'm not condoning or condemning the use of alcohol. But I don't condone it for getting your courage up because it's a false sense of courage. From a coaching perspective, This is exactly what we tackle in coaching. So, for a lot of my clients, they come, you know, they'll— we'll do an initial interview and maybe that initial interview or the first or second coaching session, what I get is, I feel stuck. I know I'm meant for more. I'm not really sure where to start. And here's what I tell them. You see, you don't need the full map. You just need the next step. What I do with my clients is together we create space. We're taking that step. It doesn't feel so risky. There's space where they can explore what's possible. They can do it without judgment. I mean, I've seen people go from Unsure and anxious to bold and alive simply because they were given a safe space to practice, a safe space to move. And that movement, that's the dance. When we look at the science of motion and emotion, we have to look at Lisa Feldman Barnett. I think I'm saying that right. Trying to go off memory here. It's Lisa. I mean, there's Lisa Feldman, it may be Barnett, maybe Barrett. I'll have to check my resources on that. But she's a— anyway, she's a neuroscientist and she was the author of How Emotions Are Made. And it talks about how our brain constructs emotions based on prediction. Meaning, if you predict that dancing or speaking up or taking a new job is going to go badly, your brain is going to start feeling that fear before anything else happens. Now, I'm going to confess something here. I'm not a great dancer, but Brooks loves to dance. So it took me a lot of courage At a wedding a few weeks ago to get out on the dance floor with her. I mean, I would have rather died, but that's the way it fills her cup. And once I got out there, I really got to having fun. I suck as a dancer, but I got to having fun. You see, in all that though, again, you know, your brain is going to start feeling that fear before anything else even happens. Here's the twist to it. Action rewrites prediction. You take a step and your brain learns, oh, hey, you know, maybe this isn't that bad after all. Maybe it's not dangerous. When I used to work with people teaching them how to rappel off the side of a cliff or the side of a building, there's a lot of fear as they walk backwards over the edge. But once they, once they learned that it wasn't that bad, once they went down the rope the first time, man, the next time it was all I could do to keep them back. Same way when I'm teaching scuba, those first breaths underwater, I always try to capture that on camera because I want them to see that moment where they go from fearing to really looking forward to doing that activity. And it's the same for dancing. If you're at a wedding and you don't know how to dance because you're afraid that you're going to look silly like I was, your prediction component of your brain, it wins. But, if you just get up and move, and that's what I found out that I had to do is I just had to get up and move, you give your brain new data. I've had a lot of my own moments of Trust Me, You Can Dance, you know, times, you know, when Brooks and I have been out and, you know, and that dance wasn't the first time. There's been a few other times. I can tell you right now, we were at a costume party and the only reason I got out and danced with her was because I was covered head to toe in a penguin costume. That's funny. Because then nobody could see me. I could do whatever I wanted to do. And if they laughed at me, they laughed at me. I mean, I was in a penguin costume, so I looked kind of silly anyway. A few, you know, a while back, I left a high-paying corporate role to follow my calling into coaching. I wasn't 100% confident. I mean, not even close. And there's still days I don't— I'm not 100% confident. I had my doubts. I still have some doubts, financial fears, imposter syndrome. But I also knew something in my life wasn't aligned and I had to do more. So, I did it. I didn't do it with a leap but I did it with a step. Just a conversation. Adding a client. One podcast episode at a time. And looking back, that movement created a rhythm. And it's dance steps that I can learn. So, maybe you're listening right now and you're stuck. You got something you want to try. A business, a relationship, a fitness goal, or even just a hard conversation. And I want you to walk away understanding this. You don't need to feel ready. You don't have to have the perfect conditions. You don't even You don't even need anyone else to tell you. What you need is to trust the process, trust the learning, trust yourself. And yeah, if it helps, trust yards, I guess, right? But whatever it is that gets you on your feet. Hey, if you're ready to take a step but you want someone in your corner. That's where I come in. This is an open invitation. I help people move with a purpose, build momentum, and learn to trust themselves again. So let's get together. Let's start with one session. No pressure, no obligation, just forward motion. You can get a hold of me through rob@standstrongcoaching.com. Or if you're on a social platform, let's If you're listening to this, you can DM me. Because sometimes the best thing you can do is just start dancing. Oh my God.
