In this solo podcast episode, the host— a scuba‑diving instructor and coach who works with veterans, first responders, and others dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and depression— shares a personal story about a recent date night with his wife Brooks. He uses the experience as a springboard to explore forgiveness, focusing on the need to seek forgiveness from oneself for past marital failures. He emphasizes personal accountability, describing how acknowledging one’s own role in relationship breakdowns can fuel growth. The host then examines forgiveness from three perspectives: scientific research showing physiological benefits (lower stress, blood pressure, cortisol), faith traditions that frame forgiveness as grace or compassion, and Stoic philosophy that advocates responding rather than reacting to others’ actions. He argues that forgiveness is a disciplined practice, not a one‑off event, and that coaching provides structure, accountability, and a safe space to rebuild trust and reshape habits. The episode concludes with a call‑to‑action inviting listeners to a free coaching call via www.stanshurecoaching.com to walk the forgiveness path together.
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Sometimes I wonder if that sounds too much like Yacht Rock, because over on my other podcast, man, I've got some hard driving music, and I've looked for other music to use on this podcast that was a little more driving, but I don't know, maybe it fits the— maybe it fits the audience a little bit better. Had a great night last night with my bride. Brooks and I, you know, during the day we did our separate things. She had some, some things that she needed to knock out. She had some goals that she needed to accomplish, and then she also just needed to invest some time in her daughter. And I worked on the garage. And if you've listened to this podcast for any length of time, or if you've listened to my other podcast, you know that I'm also a scuba diving instructor where I blend scuba diving and coaching and community specifically for veterans and first responders, but also just anybody else that's managing PTSD or anxiety, depression, or needs community, right? So my garage had just become a disaster zone, and I honestly could have worked on that for like 2 days. I mean, I've got it where it's— I've got it where it's organized now, not quite where I want it, but I had a— I was against the clock. Because last night was date night, and that is a priority for Brooks and I. We put a lot of emphasis on it. We will cast off other things that are going on so that we don't sacrifice date night, and that's one of the things that has been important in our relationship. And What I loved about it is that it gave us a chance to reconnect on so many different levels. Right now, her and I are on a very strict diet, and this is something that she's going to be talking about as she moves into her coaching program. But it's all like grass-fed beef, and we're not eating pasta. She's using zucchini as the noodles and just all this other kind, you know, cutting out sugar. But last night, We got to digress a little bit, and one of the places we love to eat at is New York pizza. I spent a lot of time over on the East Coast. For those of you who are listening or on the East Coast, when I talk about New York pizza, actual New York pizza that you get, you know, that you buy, you know, you, you go in, you buy it by the slice, and, you know, you actually fold it to eat it. It's like, you know, pizza in Jersey, New York, maybe even parts of Philly. But we, you know, we had good conversation, and then we went to go see a movie, and then, you know, we just— and then we had time together afterwards. I woke up this morning about 4 o'clock. Now, Brooks and I both come from— both of us come from broken marriages, and, you know, it's always easy to look at the last relationship that you had and say, well, You know, that person didn't give me this, you know, this, you know, that person didn't do date nights with me, or this person didn't, uh, you know, provide the emotional support I needed, or this person, you know, whatever it is, right? And it really got me on the track of thinking about forgiveness, because I've talked before about forgiving other people. One of the things I've never talked about, and I don't hear a lot of other people talking about, and but that is That is us needing forgiveness. You know, I know there's things that were in my last marriage I could have done differently. My, you know, my role in in that, you know, the demise of that relationship. I'm sure there's things that Brooks could have done differently. And we and we had a chance to talk about this a little bit, and we don't get big into comparing or. You know, dissing our former spouses or anything like that. But we had a really good conversation about, you know, hey, here's, here's what that person didn't offer. But maybe there's something that we didn't offer to prompt them to offer what we needed. And it just gets kind of messy. And so I woke up about 4 o'clock this morning with this on my mind. And, and what I realized is, I know I've made mistakes and I know that I— excuse me— I know that I've hurt people that I really care about. And carrying that weight has really forced me to take a hard look at myself, not to drown in regret, but to recognize the lessons that those failures left behind. Asking for forgiveness isn't about pretending that the past didn't happen. It's about acknowledging it. It's about owning it. It's about using it as fuel to grow. And for me, I want to be the man who grows stronger, kinder, wiser, always striving to outgrow who I was yesterday. And that means— it means choosing integrity, even when it's hard, showing up with consistency. And rebuilding trust when the promises that I made, I didn't keep. I want to show it through action. It means listening more than I speak. It also, especially for me, it means being patient even when I feel rushed. It also means choosing empathy over anger. I want to be a man who creates safety for anyone who's in my presence, who builds others up instead of tearing them down. Even if it's not face-to-face, it's just, you know, behind their back or in subtle conversations with others, or even in my own mind. I want to be the man who makes people around me feel valued every single day. Every day, it gives me this other chance to step closer to that vision. And I know it's not going to be through big gestures, but through small, very intentional choices. Forgiveness is part of that journey. I'll say it again, forgiveness is part of that journey. And it's not— I don't want to just receive it, although grace is awesome, right? But I want to earn it each and every day. Now, maybe as you're listening, you see yourself in this, because I know it's not just me. I know it's a lot of y'all out there too, and you probably had moments where you looked in the mirror and thought, man, I wish I could undo that decision. I wish I'd made a different choice. I wish I'd handle it differently. And we've all been there. Maybe you're the one who needed forgiveness, knowing that you let someone down and feeling that ache. Of wanting to set things right. Or maybe you've been on the other side, holding on to resentment because forgiveness feels like you're letting the other person off the hook. And either way, forgiveness is never easy. It forces you to wrestle with pride, with pain, and with trust. But y'all, here's, here's the truth. You don't need to stay stuck in regret. And you don't need to stay weighed down by bitterness. Forgiveness, whether it's giving or if it's receiving, it sets you free. It lets you reclaim peace. It gives you the power to grow past that moment that hurt you or that you hurt someone else. You know, we can look at this from science. We can look at it from faith. We can look at it from philosophy. You know, science shows us that forgiveness isn't just emotional, it's actually physical. There's a lot of research out there in the areas of psychology and health, and they found that forgiveness reduces stress, lowers It lowers your blood pressure, improves sleep, strengthens relationships. Holding on to anger literally harms your body. It keeps your nervous system on high alert. It floods you with cortisol. There's tension. Letting go, choosing forgiveness, it brings relief not just to your heart But to your whole body. When we change gears, we look at faith. Faith teaches us the same exact principle, and across traditions, forgiveness is a central theme. It's, it's not about excusing what's wrong, but about choosing freedom over bondage. In Christianity, forgiveness is tied directly to grace. It's undeserved but freely given. Other traditions frame it as compassion, release, karma. Whatever your lens is, forgiveness is both a gift as well as a discipline. When we look at philosophy, philosophy reminds us that forgiveness is deeply human. For example, the Stoics They taught that we can't control the actions of others, only our response. You look at people like Marcus Aurelius. He wrote that the best revenge is not to be like your enemy, is to forgive, is really refusing To let the other person's actions dictate your future. So whether you lean on faith or science or philosophy, forgiveness is necessary for your peace, for your health, for your growth. Now, here's where coaching comes in, because forgiveness isn't just a one-time choice. It's a practice. It takes work to rebuild trust, to reshape all those habits, and to grow into the person that you're called to be. Coaching gives you structure, it gives you the accountability and the safe space to do that work. And while you're trying to break old patterns, it's easy to slip back into shame or avoidance. A coach helps you process without judgment. So if you're on that crossroad and you know it's time to forgive or be forgiven, let's walk this, let's walk this together. This is something that's definitely doable, and I've walked this path with others. Because at the end of the day, forgiveness Isn't just about peace, it's about progress. Go out to www.stanshurecoaching.com. There's a link for a free call. Reach out. Let's walk this path of forgiveness together. Hey, thank you so much.
