In this episode of the Stan Sher Podcast, host Rob Anderson announces a shift in the show's format toward a coaching‑focused monologue aimed primarily at men aged 30‑55. He critiques the existing “hyper‑testosterone” male‑focused podcasts and positions his show as a quieter, more introspective space for men who feel left behind by mainstream narratives. Anderson introduces the central theme of the episode – the necessity of self‑rescue – and frames it through both psychological and spiritual lenses. He references John Eldredge’s Wild at Heart to describe the wounded inner self that whispers “you’re not enough,” and links this to the clinical concept of learned helplessness, explaining how repeated failure can rewire the brain to stop trying. Anderson then shares four practical “hacks” for self‑rescue: (1) grounding and self‑soothing techniques (5‑4‑3‑2‑1 sensory awareness, 4‑4‑6 breathing, safe‑place imagery) to regulate the nervous system; (2) building micro‑wins to rewire neuroplastic pathways and restore self‑trust; (3) journaling gratitude and accomplishments, supported by a monthly journaling workshop he runs; and (4) leveraging relational support through a coach who provides accountability, mirroring, and perspective‑shifting. He emphasizes that while external rescue may be unavailable, these practices empower men to develop inner strength and answer the question “do I have what it takes?” The episode concludes with a call to share the message and a invitation to contact his coaching site.
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Hey, welcome to the Stan Sher Podcast. If you can't tell, I am changing the format and the direction of this podcast. I know I'm going to lose some audience members over it, and I have to be okay with that because this is the direction that I really feel that is led Or that I'm being led to, to go in. If you've been a longtime listener or have recently joined, uh, my name is Rob Anderson and I'm a coach. And the area that I specifically coach in is men between the ages of 30 and 55. Doesn't mean I'm exclusively coaching people in that demographic. But that's really where my focus is. Ironically, I actually coach a lot of women. So, apparently the message is good enough, I guess. I want to make some changes to this podcast, however. And what I'm noticing is that there's a very limited field of podcasts that are specific for men. And the ones that are out there tend to be these hyper-testosterone, in-your-face— and a good podcast, don't get me wrong. I think that they serve a purpose. But I know that not everybody Can relate to someone who was, you know, former Navy SEAL or Delta Force or has run triathlons or who's been an MMA fighter. They've got their place, and I think they've got great podcasts, and certainly they have a lot more listeners than what I do. So I wanted to carve out a spot Specifically for men who are in that age bracket. And, you know, they're, they're not going to the gym and roiding up and always in your face. And, and just— I just wanted something different. And that's why I'm changing the direction of this podcast again. I know I'm going to lose audience members over it. And I have to be okay with that. But I think I've got a very specific message that I want to get out there, and I want to make sure that the audience that I feel that I'm called to is not left behind. And right now I feel like that they're being left behind. So today I'm going to kick this thing off because I want to talk to you about one of the, one of the hardest but the most freeing lessons that I've had to learn. And that is you do have to be able to self-rescue. This might come off a little harsh, and it's not meant to be harsh. It's not to be lonely, but in a very strong, grounded way, because most seasons of life, no one's coming to carry you out. And that doesn't mean that you're abandoned. It just means that your strength has to grow. That idea actually echoes with something in John Eldredge's work in Wild at Heart. He argues that men We all carry a deep question, and it's, do I have what it takes? We all wonder when the pressure comes, when the pain hits, when life demands more, how am I going to stand? Am I going to make it? He also talks about men, specifically men, carry a wound inside, and that wound whispers, That you're not enough. And I got to tell you, right now at the season of life that I'm going through, that is a question I get hit with multiple times in a day. If you've heard previous podcasts, I talk about burning the boats. I talk about career transition. I talk about taking a huge step back financially. But that wound keeps whispering. It keeps digging at me. That I'm not enough. And over time, we build what Eldredge calls the poser or the false self to show the world that we're not weak and we don't have that wound. And yet it's hidden deep down inside of us. So today I want to talk about how to move from that wounded waiting posture into a positive inner rescue. And I'm gonna share with you 3 hacks, or maybe even 3 practices that you can use with psychological insight and spiritual roots. And the third one involves the power of a coach. You have to understand that self-rescue is both psychological and spiritual. On the psychology end of it, in clinical psychology, one of the patterns that I see in people who feel stuck or dependent is something called learned helplessness. It's the idea that repeated experiences of failure or disappointment, they train us and they convince us and they rewire us to believe that we can't act. So we just stop trying. And over time, our brain essentially shuts off in some of those domains. As men, we get trapped because we're supposed to suck it up. We're supposed to man up. You know, since a boy, we were taught rub some dirt on it. In the military, it's reinforced for good reason. You press on, embrace the suck. But after years and years and years of doing that, it takes its toll. And as guys, our spouses, our wives, our significant others, they may not be equipped to handle the stuff that you're going through right now. Man, if I shared with my wife the things that are inside my head every morning when I wake up, She would totally freak. So there's this, this wanting to protect others from our demons. We almost have no outlet. I'm going to talk about that though here in a second. But we carry inner desires. And in Eldredge's model, it's a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. And when those desires are wounded or suppressed, we lose touch with our heart's compass. You know, the world tells us to be safe, and I gotta tell you, this last year, it wasn't safe. Took a big gamble. Because inside there's this wildness that still longs to live, and it's part of what makes us men. But also with that, self-rescue means meeting the internal voice of fear. And those voices of shame and learning to be your own first responder. So let me tell you the 3 hacks that I've found to prove successful to work through this journey. Number 1, grounding and self-soothing as regulation. Man, when everything feels chaotic or overwhelming, your nervous system is just overrun with adrenaline, cortisol. You've got thoughts racing. You may have some pretty dark thoughts racing. I'll be fully transparent here. There have been days Where I thought that the world would be a better place if I was not here. Now, by the way, I'm safe. But man, when you wake up in the morning and your first thought is, I don't want to go on today. You know that little routine? You're not feeling good, so you keep hitting the alarm, you keep hitting the alarm, you try to snuggle up next to your spouse hoping for comfort. And the response is snoring or whatever, right? Or turning over. You got to learn to self-soothe because your brain goes into this reactive mode. And that's when external dependency signals get louder. And you're like, man, if someone would just help me, man, if she would just hold me. Man, if someone would just check in on me. I gotta tell you what, the past year I've been going through a lot of stuff. I've had no check-in calls and I've had 2 texts, one of which was probably a real check-in. The other one wanted something. Now, that's not for a pity party. That's just— that's reality. But when your brain goes into that reactive mode, it's looking for that external dependency, and it gets louder and louder and louder, and you just want someone to notice that you're drowning, that you fell off the boat. So the first hack is self-soothing and grounding, bringing your system back into regulation. So on a physical standpoint, I use a 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 awareness. Name 5 things that you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can taste, and 1 thing you can hear. 3 things that you can hear, 2 that you can smell, and 1 that you can taste. I also use deep breathing. It's in a 4-4-6 pattern. Inhale, 4 seconds inhalation, 4 seconds hold, exhale 6 seconds. It gets rid of that excess Carbon dioxide. Because when you start getting, when you start getting that, that buildup of carbon dioxide in your system, your brain starts going to panic mode. That's why when people get to the top of a hill, they don't breathe in, they breathe out. It's like, oh. Or when you get through a stressful task, that big exhalation. The other thing I do is safe place imagery. For me, it's the water or maybe the woods. And sometimes I actually have to go there. That safe place imagery, visualize a place that you can feel held, that you can feel safe, that you can feel calm. In my spiritual life, man, there have been nights I've been like, God, just hold me, wrap me up in your arms. In psychology, that's called bottom-up regulation. Use your body and your senses to calm the system, and that way your brain, that whole prefrontal cortex area, Can start to engage again. And once you're calmer, your internal voice has less noise. And you can start to hear your wise self again. Hack number 2, micro wins. Rebuild your belief in yourself through small, consistent wins. This is all about neuroplasticity. It's rewiring your brain. Each small decision you make Each task you complete, it sends signals to your brain that you're competent, that you can act. And over time, and over a lot— I mean, this is not going to be a couple of days, but over time, those signals train you to re-identify. And basically, this is the way you apply it. Choose one small thing that you're going to do right now. Whether it's sending a text, making your bed, journaling something, and you do it with your full attention. And afterwards you check it off. You're like, hey, I did that. Cross it off your list, log it, put it in your journal. Let it accumulate. Each micro-win is like depositing it into a bank that holds belief, self-belief, tells you that you're capable. And over weeks, it's going to grow. It'll let your brain see the repeated successes. And over time, you begin to trust your leadership again. I'm actually going to put 4 hacks in here. Number 3, is along the lines of journaling. Start putting things into a journal that you're grateful for and things that you've accomplished. Kind of goes on with that previous hack, but you got to start journaling. I actually offer a journaling workshop. We meet once a month on Thursdays. And it's powerful, the things that you're going to learn about yourself as you write them down. And that's going to lead me right into the 3rd hack. And it's about relational leverage. Remember what we said in the beginning, most of the time people are not coming to rescue you. But what if you had somebody in your life that intentionally was checking in on you? That was intentionally asking you those deep questions, not just, hey, you doing okay? Hey, are you good? But actually taking the time to work with you. Now granted, they're not coming to rescue you. But they're helping you see the things that you can't see and showing you the map while they're walking the path with you. The reason why it works— mirroring— often, often our blind spots are hidden, and a skilled coach is going to help you reflect patterns, assumptions, or fears that you weren't aware of. The majority of my clients, this is the rule that I have with them. Accountability. It's harder to slip into passivity when someone's asking you, hey, what'd you do this week since we talked last time? What's changed since last time we talked? One of the things I do with my clients, Is I help them with their perspective, help reorientate them when they get stuck. A lot of my clients, when they get stuck, I help them to reinterpret, reframe, reorient towards their purpose. So you're, you know, you're, you're not out there. You're not saying, rescue me, save me. Instead, you begin to say, walk with me, help me find my way out of the swamp. With a lot of my clients, what I do is I help them carry on with more clarity, more accountability, more courage, but they're still the one who's walking the steps and they're able to answer that question, yes, I do have what it takes. So as we kind of look back at this, going back through the hacks, ground and regulate. Hack number 2, build yourself, build your own self-trust through micro wins. Hack 3, journal gratitude. Journal things that you've accomplished. Hack 4, walk with a coach or a guide. You may not always have someone swooping in to pull you out of the pit because honestly, they're just not there. People are so wrapped up in their stuff. They're just not there. But when you learn to self-rescue, you discover that you're stronger, much stronger than you ever imagined. And even though the wounds are not going to disappear overnight, and those fears are still going to whisper at times, but every day that you choose to act, you train a new part of your brain, a new part of your soul. Hey, one last word here. There is a wild heart inside of you that wants, that wants to heal. And no one may come to rescue, but the strongest rescue begins inside of you. Hey, if this meant something to you, or if you think someone else can benefit from this, please share with them. Reach out to me at www.stansurecoaching.com. I would love to help you get your heart back. Thanks.
