In this episode the host introduces anhedonia—a state of numbness, loss of pleasure, and motivation—and clarifies that the discussion is framed from a coaching perspective, not therapy. Using an anonymized client who feels emotionally flat despite working with a licensed counselor, the host outlines a step‑by‑step coaching approach designed to rebuild engagement and identity. The method starts by breaking large goals into "pebbles" and then focuses on ultra‑small interventions: 1) sensory‑based micro‑moments (60‑second observations before phone use), 2) micro‑wins (tasks that can be completed in under three minutes), and 3) identity‑reconnection exercises that tap into past passions (e.g., building a small wooden shelf). The host also emphasizes coaching the client’s emotional availability—helping him articulate numbness—while leaving clinical work to the counselor. Practical tips for listeners include not mistaking numbness for laziness, using one‑minute sensory tasks, and creating daily micro‑wins to reactivate the brain through success. The episode concludes with a clear invitation to the host’s coaching services via Patreon and a website, positioning coaching as a catalyst for momentum, identity, and feeling alive again.
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I think I'm going to deliver one of the more interesting podcasts that I've ever done before. And I guarantee you're not going to hear on any other podcast this topic associated with coaching that's associated with all the other things that we, that we put out there. So I'm just going to throw that out there. Now that I've set myself up for a big splash, I guess I need to make it. But you know what? Before we jump in, I want to make sure that I set the— that I set up the purpose and the boundaries of today's episode. Yes, we're going to talk about what's called anhedonia. And it's a term I really had not heard before in any of my coaching experience or any experience I've had with working with counselors or therapists or anything else, right? But we're gonna talk about anhedonia, and that's the numbness that is— there's numbness, there's loss of interest, that sense of being disconnected from your own life. I'm gonna share a real-world story about one of my clients that I've been working with. I'm not gonna share names or identifying any details, but we're gonna explore what coaching looks like within that space. And I want to be very clear, this is not counseling and it's not My client is working with a licensed counselor for the clinical side of things, and my work with him is on the coaching side. My role isn't to diagnose. It's not to treat. My work is grounded in the ethics of supporting growth, accountability, and all the other things that are associated with coaching. And then of course, at the end, I want to make sure that I give you an invitation to work with me. To— if you want to explore more coaching on your own with me, I'm going to make sure I give you that invitation at the end. So let's get into it. I've got a client right now that I'm working with that came to me with a really particular type of stuckness. And he told me, I'm not sad. I'm just I'm just not anything. He wasn't crying. He wasn't angry. He wasn't panicked. He wasn't numb. I guess, let me rephrase that. He was numb. He wasn't just— he didn't feel depressed. It's just that he wasn't feeling anything. And his wife had said that he had felt distant. His kids would ask why he never wanted to do anything anymore. He told me that every day was a loop going through the motions: work, home, sleep, repeat. So with a little bit of encouragement, working with his counselor, having him work with his counselor, through their discovery, his counselor mentioned the word anhedonia, which is basically a disruption in your ability to feel pleasure or Motivation. And as I researched it, I found out it's extremely chronic or common with chronic stress, with trauma, with burnout, with life transitions. We see this in our veterans. We see people who are going through drastic changes. But again, you know, my role is not to diagnose. That's between him and And his clinician. My work as his coach is to help him rebuild the behaviors and the mindset patterns that help— that would help him bring life back online. So, you know, right away, you know, big goals are not gonna be part of this. So the first thing we did was we broke that Big mountain into pebbles. And we had been working on big goals that, you know, in coaching we have the big A and the little a. So the big agenda and then the little agendas are the things that we knock out. And oftentimes those are goals. So you've got a great big goal, then you've got the smaller goals. We found out that we had to take those smaller goals and even break them up even more. We took not, you know, normally you take the mountain and break it up into small rocks. We actually had to break it down into pebbles. When someone is experiencing anhedonia, big goals feel impossible. Even medium-sized goals feel impossible. They feel heavy. So we focused on micro-moments, moments that last 60 seconds or less, moments where he can get a tiny spark of engagement. And one of our first actions was simple. It was just every morning before touching his phone, he wrote down one thing he noticed with his senses. So he couldn't pick up the phone, he couldn't get that dopamine rush right away with his phone, but he just had to write down one thing that he noticed with his senses. Not something he felt emotionally, just something that he noticed. The sound of the heater clicking on. The way his dog would stretch or wag his tail. And thump the floor. The shape of light coming in through the blinds. The one bird that would chirp outside his window every single morning. And I want to emphasize, that's not therapy and it's not processing trauma. It's rebuilding attentional awareness, which is part of coaching And quite honestly, it's supported by ICF ethics because it creates clarity and presence in that moment. The next, we went in and we worked on micro wins. A lot of people don't realize that anhedonia kills motivation before it kills pleasure, meaning you can't feel the desire to start, so you assume that you've lost interest. So together, through a lot of questioning and working with him, he created a structure where every day he would take one small action he couldn't finish in under 3 minutes, or that— I'm sorry, that he could finish in under 3 minutes. He would take one thing that he could do within 3 minutes, and everything outside of 3 minutes was off limits. So just something that he could do within 3 minutes. And so it wasn't things like go to the gym, but it was walk the mail block— walk to the mailbox. Man, I can't talk. Not blocks, walk to the mailbox. It wasn't clean up the kitchen. It was like put one thing away. So there's all these micro wins. We also work on identity. On the quiet side effects of anhedonia is that people lose touch with who they used to be. And that's why, like with scuba diving, and I'm just now realizing the work that we did within Neptune Warrior to help bring back identity. And build an identity that this was probably present and I didn't— I wasn't aware of it. I think I was aware of it. I just didn't know that it had a label. But one of the quiet side effects of anhedonia is that people lose touch with who they used to be. They start saying things like, I don't even know what I enjoy anymore. So I asked him a question that oftentimes I would do with my divers and that I do as a coach. And it's a real simple question. And I would have people journal it, even not answer it right there even, but maybe go away, think about it, process it for a couple of days, and we get back in touch. And I asked them, what did the earlier version of you love before life got heavy? I'm going to say that again because I want you to think about this. What did the earlier version of you love before life got heavy? And he paused. He said, I used to love building things. So together we built out a plan around that. Not a major project, just a small— And what he wound up doing was taking a small Wood shelf that he got at a thrift store. Something he could work on and finish within 48 hours. Something with edges and corners and structure that he could tidy up, do some sanding, refinish it. And for the first time in months, when he was finished with it, it was beautiful. He went in, he, you know, he sanded it, got the nicks out, put a little bit of putty in, and built something beautiful that he wound up putting into his house. Actually put it up in his study. Just something that was 48 hours. And for the first time in months, He sat there and he said, I actually felt something. That moment right there, it's not solving trauma. It's not reaching into the past, but it's creating structure, identity, and small wins in the present. Another part of the work was emotional availability. You know, therapists will go in and dig into the roots. As a coach, I help you grow the branches. So we focused on helping him communicate what he was feeling, even if the feeling was numb. And so over several weeks, we start to see momentum. Now, by the way, he still works with his counselor on some other issues. He still does the clinical work. But in our space, he's rebuilding curiosity. He's reconnecting with his family. And he's rediscovering the small things that make life feel full. So I want to give you a couple of tips if you or a loved one is feeling this way. Number 1, don't confuse numbness with laziness. Anhedonia is a nervous system overload. It's not a moral deficit. And if this happens, just start with tiny sensory-based tasks. One minute, one moment, one step. One sight, sound, maybe breathing, you know, maybe just breathing, just one breath at a time. When I was teaching survival, I used to teach what was called 120s, and it was something that somebody could do in a survival situation to better their situation in 120 minutes. And if you wanted to train into bushcrafting, my bushcrafters, we would go out to the woods and they would take projects that they could do within 2 hours and be finished, whether that was carving something, making something out of leather, Weaving, whatever it happened to be. And that leads into tip number 2. Create one micro-win per day. When motivation will not start the engine, you're in a situation where completion must. Finish one tiny thing every day. You're gonna find that your brain or your loved one's brain But your brain reactivates through success, not through force. I'll say it one more time. Your brain reactivates through success, not through force. Hey, if what I'm describing sounds familiar, if you're living functional but not fully alive, I want to invite you into a conversation. Again, coaching isn't counseling. Coaching isn't therapy. Coaching is about momentum. It's about identity, and it's about building a life that lets you feel again. If this resonates with you, I'd like to have deeper conversations with you, and we can do a couple of things. Number one, go out to Patreon, www.patreon.com/standsurecoaching. I've got daily motivations for you. You can join a monthly coaching club. You could just support this podcast and you get extras. The other one is go out to my website, www.stanshiredcoaching.com. Request a discovery call. I would love to walk this with you. You don't have to feel numb. I want you to feel alive, fully alive. Hey, have a great day and we'll talk soon. Bye-bye.
